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About Beaver State herald. (Gresham and Montavilla, Multnomah Co., Or.) 190?-1914 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 8, 1907)
unknown benefactor: lie < hi-rlshes ami loves It In Ills solitude." To the pres ent day there sre found seekers after truth who remain Ilina Isolnb-il from the Times humanity and caring nothing for i-ollM-queliei-a of tlielr ill»overlea. far greuter number are engaged In aenrcti for whatever may Improve Npeaklng of paradoses, flic latest is ivoidllloii of man They are eager to furnished by chm-olate drops going up. find the practical application of truths learned In solitude The farmer, who They are boosting Enos In Pennayl- Ilves classât to nature amt apparently vanla Home peupla think that Kuos farthest from science, la one of those affavi tMMMta who have rre-elvrel many buona from the actentlat l’ro|rer choosing of aérela lti some of our rifles milk le no high tu plant baa Increqaed the yield of that Hre cream must have bard work grains from lit to XI per oent Inoro to rise to the top of It. Istlon of the soil with hartarla which turn the nitrogen of the air Into forni A man of Mr Horkefeller'a lirei|ren lias Increaaeil ths yield of leguminous alvo limonai habits can live well ami plants. Analysis of soil has deter even eave money on |lh.<aa>,<MM) a year mined what <-ru|ai are treat for a given afait or where a given crop may treat Mr. Weyorhauasr saya Hiere la no Ire pianteli Illevases of plants are lumber trust. Ills inllllona show that studied with the same rare ■■ dlaraaea Ills trust III lumlrer wss farmeli years of human beluga and both cure and ago. Ims-ulatlon agalnat dlaeaae are prac Hmv-eaafiil testa are trelng made with ticable In many caeca wire re before war balloons, but they have not been science took up the problem tlie farmer was bafflrel by myaterloua plagues tried as yet as punching bags for can The Inaect |weta of plants are destroy mm shot. ed by searching through the world Mrs lli-aatd tlilnka that the rich until tin- natural enemy of tire [rest la ought to have larger families The found Thia la merely a practical ap rich will continue to think that that lilb'atlon of the general troth of which one phase waa long ago crystallised In la a family affair the atati-ment that "a flea has smaller "Wby not live slower?" asks U » tiene that on him prey " Hornet I mea lire farmer rejects árlenos, but In the Memphis (iotiunerelal A|>|real. Prliv-1 pally because tlie rent la due every long run lie romes to acknowledge hie mistake Tire Ireglalature of Illinois, month, and we want our money’s worth for Inatanre, lias defirel science In put Ti* time le coming, they say. when ting a buiinty on dead crows, at the you will ts> able to semi wireless die demand of farmers. In spite of the patches across the t»rean at tile rate fact demonstrated by eclentlats that of lo ceuta a word. Have your words crows are among the farmer's beet friends nnd save him more by de Empresa Tal Au decided that It was atroylng nnxloua Insecte than Hre value time to make S change. Hire Isalirei a of the few Serein they eat An the cul dre-rer declaring «'bina a roiietltutlonal tivated area of tire world grows small monarchy, ami tire thing was done. It er In pro|sirtlon to the Increasing |»op- was Just aa e-e easy I ulatlon agriculture must become more and more Intensive Tire farmer of A txwl of anthracite all miles long, the future will be mbre and more de- I JUKI feet wide and 80 feet thick has la-iideiit ii|x>n tire helping hand Ireld la-en umsiverrel In Pennsylvania. And out by tire sciential. The national de- yet the rombine has the nerve to put partaient of agriculture, the Htate up tlie price of roal agrli-ultural m-hreda and ex|rer!nrent stations, ami counties« enthusiastic A wealthy California rancher who unofficial ex|rerlmentern will make suc- was lielil up and robbed tins lost bls cesnful fanning one of tire learned pro voice. Mini be another one of thoar fessions. men who hnie i-ontrai-ted the habit of letting tlielr money do tlielr talking. I I j H »rn«l«»r Kftlcltii«* nn* reported to be fninlMhlng. the M m I htì «*« hnvinic I Mtn m faliur«* tilia ymr. Cbarltabl«* New Entfhintlvra ■hmihl «rmt a mrgo of twnna to tb**«<* unfortunnt«*«. Tolstoy Is sure that the |reaaniito wl»i tired Into Illa hollar* diri an tn a spirit of mischief, euri rlra-a not wlah to prosecute them Humor la a good thing, but thia la a lu-w way of sa couruglug lt. Many a Western boy will s|iprvclntv the I’realdent'a metaphor nt Province town, when he told tlie l'«|re Cod fish ermen that be was brought up In a row country, "and workml hard from •lie liurrlcam- deck of a bronco." A Inn Moluca man. In order to pro cure money for his Sick wife, pawned two gold teeth and hla wreatcii leg. and the Harrisonburg t Va i News thinks marriage la no failure uiali-r such clr- cumstenerw. Htlll. wlu-ti a man la driv en to aneli extremes In- can 1'iirdl) i e gnrd It aa a howling auccv-ita. Home allo«amv must Ire inaile for Hlr Tisana* l.lptoli In bis contentlon that a rare mlght Ire made Ju*t aa wcl? wltb yaclita timi would I h - of aomè predicai ii«e after tbe contest ls over. Even a Jolly g>s*.l fello«' growa seiry of «IM-Iidlng mi II Iona of d-dla-x on Ve» vela that bave ilo reai valile exrept na tank. A tablet tin** been put up In Sulls bury Cathedral. England. In memory of the twenty eight |*eraoi>a, imsuly Americana, «Im were kllbvl In n rail road ai-eldent nt Kiillabnry In July of last year. The dedicatory M-remoni-a were conducted It) the bishop of the Miocene, and all address was imide by the American ambassador. It Is am-h things An this that draw nations tie aether. Believers In woman suffrage nnd the tniait scornful disbelievers will unite, unless they were born without humor. In enjoying a res-lal lonndv pri-smlcd by a recent election In a small town. Two women were nomlnat-d to sue- ireeil their husbands as memtn-rs of th» school committee. Some eltlaenn, who do not favor women on the treanl, nominated the husbands for re-elec tion. The excitement waked up many men who hud not voted on aclnsil ques tions for years. and with pathetic loy alty to their sex, they swelled the vote for the husbands to the overwhelming defeat of tile wives TKETEUOXAra rOLZS j a«.»»*«. •*»»»••*•»•«*•*•«• a* lack of understanding rather than mallcioiisnerei Iles at the bottom of many International difficult!*-«. Espw- cbilly true Is this In the dealings of a i-IrlllM-d wltb an um-IrlHaed |reople. Ho apart are the ranges of experience that a mulual ground of comprehen sion 1s bard to find, one no longer wonders at tbe reluctance of tlie Asi atic tribe to allow the telegraph to pass through Its country wbeu Ire rends of the true reasuu of the native's re funn i The story Is told Iu Mr. Bush's “Reindeer, Dogs and Know Shoes." Tire rom|>aiiy. surveying tb<- ground for the telegraph, «Isllisl to bargain with tlie I sun ills for direr to Ire uaed In the »■oustruction of the Hue. Tbs chiefs recvlied Hre agents with great dignity, and gravely listened to tlielr pro|s>M.ila. Then they announced that tlrey had plenty of reindeer, and were irerfci'tly willing to sell them for any other purixine. but not tor the bullil- Ing of tlie telegraph. Thinking they did not understand tbe nature of the line amt Ila object, the agents ca refully explulneil, telling tlie chiefs It oiuh I m I is I simply 111 a aeries of |M*les, extcmllug through the roun- try. with a small wire stretched along th« top« They enlarged on what iu! vantage the natives would gain from tin- forts and stations established along the way. from which they could obtain supplies and chillies. But nothing aeeuied to satisfy the chle!«. At liiMt one asked In wnnt direc tion tin- line would go. tin Is-lng told, tliey Ire -iime gbsimy and even uiun- re luctant. Tin- agents were piutsled. not Irelna able to Imagine why they were so o|e |* ims I. when one Lamut, as If Mtrirek by n new Idea, asked how far apart the |s>les would Ire placisl. When this point was made clear, all faces bright ened. and they assured the agents that they would »ell all the relnilecr needed. The reason of tlielr rortm-r objection wan explained. They knew that the line of telegra|>b would cross tlielr usunl routes of travel, and tlrey liad suppoMctl Hint the poles would Ire ao close together that they could not |> iims between them with their direr. This difficulty dls|»iMed of, they Immediately promlacil to furnish 2tli> deer. VICTORIA À MIGHTY CATARACT. Arriess WBferfall Far Kells««» Os* Own Nlasaes Is Gr«n4»sv. OPINIONS OF GREAT PAPERS ON IMPORTANT SUBJECTS THE PRISON CONOBZM N olden times Hre Jailer was a dark-vlaag«! executioner who cla|*|red bls victims Into the dungeon and turiual a ponderous key In Hie creaking lock He was the official pun isher of bad men. ami It was hla buelneaa to make tire prisoners as uuhappy as poaal ble. With tbe change In tbe ronreptlon of _________ by which rennaly and prevention, not ven punishment. geance. Inspire tlie treatment which society reserve» for offenders, there came alao a change In the manner of men who manage the prisons. Tbe Prison I'ongrrao. held In Chicago, would have surprised any casual visitor who had derived hla Ideas of jail and Jailers from old novels. Here were met to gether hundreds of wardens, chaplains, prison superin tendents. sociologists, physicians, to discuss not only the practical administration of prisons, but the relation of prison discipline to our system of Justlre. Tbe Attorney Geuersl of the United Htstes s|x>ke from the |snnt of view of a Jurist. The head of tbe Volunteers of America described tlielr method of helping discharged prisoners to get honest work. The lawmaker learned from tire Jailer whet are the rondltlons of prison life, and bow they «fleet tbe criminal; Hre Jailer learned more about tire story of Ills cbargi« before and after tlrey came under hla care. Tin- effeit of such unification of Ideas will Improve tire criminal rode. Its,administration, and the entire relation between society and tbe criminal. The necessity for Improvement Is Show* by tbe declar- atton of tire genets! secretary of Hre Nntlonal Prison Asso ciation that “No county or Htate In the Union In sattatied with Ila metlxxln of confining and taring for Its prlsiA era" That Improvement will tome In directions urged by generosity, humanity, but not by sentimentality, tbe words of a student of prison work give rrnwin to hop«; "Tbe wardens, tbe actual prison managers, are tbe finest lot of men you ever saw great physique, earnest. Intelli gent no noMSMV. but big hearted and kind.”—Youth's Companion. HOW TO REDUCE THE COST OF LIVING. HE cost of living Is high nnd going higher. But everybody can regulate the amount of money nre-rsaary to s|rend for sustenance. There la no reason why ¡reraona should find It more rxtreualve to live. If they will only consider tbr question with care and fix the amount of lood they ought to eat. We do not advocate the method adopted by twelve hundred people of Kennebec County. Maine, who have pledged themselves to abstain for ten days from the use of meat. In the ho|ie that thus they may be able to force down the price of Isref. But there Is no doubt that moat persona eat two or three times as much food of all kinds as la nre-easary for them, anti a reduction in diet would have a good effect, not only ui»n the bills one has to pay but alao U|>on health. If food la too high, then consume leaa of It. That Is a simple rule for comfort, both of mils! and laxly. *The average mnn and woman eat ao much more than Is esaen- ITI TREATMENT FOR FLATFOOT, Hal that seven tenths of all dlaeaae« with which hu manity Is afflicted sre due to thia excess. The patinch to be seen on almost every man over 40, no matter bow lean Hre rest of him may be, la evidence of overeating; and the fai-t that many women of the name age are murfi heavier than they should be proves their lack of •elf restraint. High prices will be beneficial to Americana If they will Induce a study of the' subject of eating, and the reduction In the amount of food consumed that will fol low. We should be a much healthier, happier, stronger, more Intellectual and longer lived people If we should all resolve to eat hereafter, not to satisfy tire demands of a pampered and spoiled appetite, but to answer tbs real nerela of the body. Also, we should be richer, for food Is the greatest ex pense of moat of ua. If we can cut down our household bills, not only without Injury to our health but actually to Its benefit, we should be grateful to tlie cauae which brought about the change, even though It be the greed of purveyors— Indianapolis Kun. RECRUITING FOR THZ ARMY. HERE la much said about tire trouble which is experienced In securing the right kind of men as soldiers for the army. General Greely has made the latest contribution. The complaints are now made In connection with the effort to Increase the pay of the army. Aa a matter of fact these complaints are not new. They are made In England as well as In this country, and the real bests of them la that both countries get their soldiers by voluntary enlistment and not by con scription. Tire probability Is that neither country could procure (he kind of men desired by the army officers unless con- acrlptlon should tie resorted to. A few Englishmen bars suggested the continental system for their army, but no political party would dare sustain the method, and In tbit country there is no one who baa the hardihood to siiggi-ot conscription. Moreover there Is aome doubt whether Intelligence above a certain level la of any value to a man conald- ered merely aa a fighting animal. Especially must there not Ire a too highly developed, sensitive, and Imaginative nature. As to pay, the ordinary aoldler la often a laborer In uniform, and bla stipend. with free food, a larger allow- ante for clothes than be can spend, free lodging, and free medical attendance. Is the best laborer’s pay in the country. When we come to the experts for the coast artillery, there Is a different question rslsed. To make men good artillerists the government educates them to s point where they become more valuable as civilians than they are to the government. If we are to Judge from the |>ay which tlie government gives them. But Is the government really Inclined to pay one of Its *2" a-inonth gunners the «75 that a civilian employer Is glad to pay? There are complications.—Harper's Weekly. STARTLING CHARGE OF A CHICAGO MINISTER. Falstwl AMiellow Hemegle* Only ky Wrsrlsg Satiable Saeerert. Flat foot la a very common affliction. It la alao one which Is frequently over looked by physicians. The isitlent com plains of |siln In the heel, the ankle, tlie Inner border of the foot, great tire, the niiBH-les of tlie calf, tlie kuee or even tlie hip. Tlx- busy practitioner notes them- symptoms In a hurried, cas ual way, attributes them to rheuma tism, prracrilrea aallcylatcs and what not nnd another flat-footed Individual ploila hla weary way. Increased deformity la added to what may have treen merely foot strain In the first place. A curable case has be come well nigh Incurable nnd the med ical profession la again Justly liable to well-deserved censure. Any factor which tends to diminish the muscular jxiwer of the foot may cause tint foot A great. Increase In tin- weight borne by the foot may cause It. This Increase In weight may be actual, such aa occurs In (reople who put on a great ileal of fnt. or It may- ire relative, such ns occurs In athletes, jumpers eaireclnlly. But by far the most rommon cause In a cramping of the foot brought about by Improper ■hoes. , For treatment of thia condition me chanical support la beat afforded by means of the footplate made from high ly tempered steel nnd maided upon a plaster cast of the foot. The fixitplate should be worn aa long as It la required, but no longer. Addi tional wearing of the plnte beyond the time necessary, as Indicated by the symptoms, la simply an additional cause of harm. With the foot plate a shoe should Ire worn fitting the normal contour of the foot. Most l.lalit-llesrted Street. From the Avenue dee Champs Elyseea to till- Boulevard des Capuchins In Paris Is but a step, but there the tune 1« Tim» nt Trouble. is even merrier, says the Bohemian. That the folds of "Old Glory" nfford It Is a place of noises, blare, glare, gtaal shelter ill uny land Is the obvi the perfume of women, the raucous ous |Milnt of Hile New York Timea •»nk-bonk of automobile horns; by day tin- street of costly shops, by night the story : During one of the frequent révolu promenade In chief of his moat antanlc tlona In Halil a party of Americana majesty. It la at Its treat—or worst— __________________ made a riding tour _______ of the ___________ mountains | in February, during Ml-Careme. when One member ... of ..... the i party'*** n'r tbl-’k with confetti — am! I. — morning „ .. n ........... —• *j i — the . auddcnly drew rein with nn ejacuin !*"'n'*e,,a of the boulevards sre I real de The American |n-ople ought to lie Interested In nil tlmt (rertalna to the survivors of the Civil War. Hint moat sanguinary confilct of modern times. If not of nil times. The wnr ended forty-two years ago, nnd the men who tlon, and |aihited to a lone ridge win-re ¡ endurrel the burden nnd heat of the nn old tattered Stars nnd Htrlirea No use then to nit nt one of the little bitter days from ISdl to l.Mdil are get fluttered on n hnmlaio pole. ¡ tablas on the sidewalk, thinking to en- ting fewer in mimlrer every year. An "We must ¡my our respects," some ’<>J ""'fUy changing pnnomma of other quarter of a century and they one anld. j tire festival. In a moment you w-ould will Ire but a memory. It la an article After some nean-h they found a path ,,n<, tl"’t " or POTrldge of confetti, of belief among the lluddhlata that one that slgxagKvd up to the wild plaire. T""1r ,'"t J’’""««’ <"<*r your ears, the of the steps of salvation comdata In Tln-y followed It, nnd at last discover !™“^/*™™ fr'”" u"<l,'r -'»’l "fl.d your right memory. It la certain that a Ml nn aged negro sitting la-fore Ills «"IW «elf tint on your back. nation In aaved In no other wily. The wnttlMl hut smoking bin pipe, while . " n,4rT,,|ou* ,l”‘ penetrating quality nation that forgets Itn heroes dies. of confetti! I have ahakeu It out of he kept an eye on the flint. "Sinh were your ancestors, O Athe "What’s the ting for?" some one my Innertnoa pockets, out of my ahoes. nians." cried Demosthenes, after an I have even fourni It In my sireka, ami asked. enumeration of tlielr virtues in the fa hobnobbing with the franca |n my "Perfection,” said the old man, qui mous oration that stirred Ills ireople to etly. "I henh dry done begin anudder purse. It flits everywhere, and when tight Philip of Macedon. The remain resolution, so I put hit up. Yah, null, j Ml ('«reme la over the streets are thick ing veterans of the Civil War teach I come heali twenty-two yeaha ago, an’ with It. a ninltl-colorod snow You buy ua what our own people were forty liah dnt wlv nidi. Um Georgy, aa cook It at an many sous the package from and more years ago. Bravely \and verniers on the boulevards, until the de on a steamer out o’ Hnvniinah. self-sacrlflclngly they went to the stro for more of It becomes an ohweo- "Lak de place? Yas, sub. Plant front, resolved Hint the’government of yam an’ coffee an’ csaaava. Résolu- alon. the people, for the people and by the tlona doan’ truhlid dia tilggnh. Ebery • he Heard It. people should continue to be a power time dey resolute down yander up goes There was a blast of dynamite not on the carfh. I ret them be held In de flag, an’ flat’s all dere 1a to hit I" far away, and aged Mrs. Ixing turned 'verlaatlng remembrance! toward the door with a smiling counte How people admire a bashful child! nance. Wordsworth wan able to apeak of "Come In!” ahe said. aclence aa "by no habitual and direct And how they dislike an Impudent sympathy connecting ua with our fel one I “Do you know," ahe explained to her low beings;" he could say: “The man Tbe right that the poor naver fai) caller, “that to the first knock I’ve heard la twenty-five years," of science seeks truth aa a remote and to sxSrclse la tbe right of crttlcimm REV. F. E HOPKINS. "Fifty per cent of the women who dine at the ’resiwctable* restaurants of our large cities drink txxixe.“ This Is the startling statement of Rev. F. E. Hopkins, imator of tbe Pilgrim Congregational Church iu Chicago, whose utterances on feminine Intemirerance aroused tire city. The assertion is based on an Investigation which Hopkins has carried on for fifteen years. In the midst of a series of sermons which aroused bis fellow ministers and teni|rerance workers- to take aides In the controversy llo|>kins left his chun-b work a day. aixl with several witnesses made a tour of the fashion able eating places. Sixteen were visited. Betweeu the hours of noon and midnight he saw 4fl3 women and girls enter tlie«e places. t»f this number 2fBl or M> per cent were seen drinking hard drinks. Cider war not counted. At one place the preacher four»; a trusti-e of his cliurch. "More men than women were found drinking the less harmful beer," said tbe Rev. Hopkins. In s|H-aking of the Investigation. "Nearly all the women and girls were drinking boose. That sounds slangy, but you can’t give It too bard a name. "The cauae of drinking among women and girls In all our large cities Is the mad ami foolish pursuit of fashion. The drinking habit is steadily grow ing. Unless something radical Is done to stop It at once future generations will suffer." ROYAL MISCHIEF. Prince Edward of Willes, son of the Prince of Wnlea and proapectlve heir to the throne, la Just beginning his education «a h cadet at the Itoyal Na val College on the Isle of Wight. 1’rlnce Ellwand, a little more than 13. la entered as an ordinary cadet, and shares all comforts aud diecomforts with the rest of the lads. If he re sembles his father at that age. lie Is capable of getting a good deal of boy ish fun out of life. In a book on the "Private Life of King Edward VII.," some of the emupailea of the present Prince of Wales are given. Prince George and bls elder brother were "rare young toads,” aa an old middy remarked. They recet.-ed their training on the shod ship Britannia, and afterward went on a cruise In the Bacchante. They had to rough It with the rest, and were treated without dis tinction. When the Bacchante touched at Ber muda. on the famous cruise, the au thorities of the Island were nnxloua to present a bunch of Bermuda lilies to Prince Eddy, and anxiously Inquired his Identity. Prines George, ever ripe for mischief, gave an misleading an answer that the embarrassing bouquet was presented to several midshipmen before it reached the proper bands. When the party went on shore to lunch, the two princes gut together In the bow of the boat aniltxx-upled them selves very mysteriously. When they landed, the assembled natives were as tonished to see their future king and his brother with noses of the most brilliant yellow. The two had used the pollen of the Hiles to adorn them selves with. It wns probably their enjoyment of this Joke which leil the two not to con tradict (lie statement which was soon after published to the world, that the heir to the throne had had an anchor tattoed on hla nose. The Prince of Wales was made exceedingly anxious by the report, and for a long time the story was believed. Reapoastbilttr. "Has he a proper sense of respoaal- bfllty?" asked the earnest patriot. "I don’t know." answered Senator Sorghum. "I sometimes fear he Is one of those people who are so anxious to be financially responsible that they for get to be morally responsible."—Wash ington Star. are de Goal ng out of a black. )»>ggy depres sion In tire Ireart of southern Africa Is a sluggish, muddy stream which wends Its way southward, leisurely at Brat, but It aoon grow a rapidly In slxe and strength until it pours Into tbs Indian Ocean. 13B0 miles away, fourth In rank among tbe mighty rivers of Af- rice, says the Hdentlfic American About 700 miles from Ita source, and lust Ireyond the cataracts of Mololix tbe Zambesi, joined by tbe waters of the Kwando River, spreads out intd what might be termed a lake about elx miles long and over a mils In width. This lake Is studded wltb lalamla and the surface Is very smooth, Hre vegeta tion along tbs banka being perfectly mirrored in tbe plscld water. Strange to say. the lower end of this lake le marked not by a shore line nor by the slightest narrowing of Its surface, but by aa abrupt fall beside which our much vaunted Niagara la a mere pyg my. It Is an entire lake that takes tbe plunge, and not merely a river. A rompsriwrn of Niagara and Vic toria falls shows at a glance bow vast ly greater la the African falls. At Niagara tbe river takes a plunge of 168 feet, but the Zambesi falls sheer 400 feet. The crest of Victoria falls 1s over a mile long—feet, to be exact— whereas the American fall at Niagara measures only 1.060 feet, and tbe Horse shoe fall la only 1.230 feet across, or 3.010 feet as measured along the curve. To Illustrate tbe magnitude of tbe Af rican waterfall we might depict against It the skyline of New York from Bat tery Park to Worth street Not a bulld- Ing would project above the crest gf the falls excepting only the tower of the Ringer building, which Is now In process of erection. To be sure, In comparing Niagara with Victoria, It must be ild In flavor of tbe former that the Horseshoe fall presents an NR* broken crest, while the edge of tbe Victoria la divided by numerous IM- ends Into stretches which nowhere ex- roeils 600 feet. At tbe center ls IJv- Ingstone Island, and to tbe left aa you look up stream, la tbe main fall, while at the right of tbe Island Is tbs Rainbow fall. Buka Island separates the main fall from tbe Cascade or Dev- Il’s Creek. Paris possesses the largest public garden and the largest hospital. A square foot of a Persian rug means twenty-three days’ work for the weaver. Ro your huaireud baa given nr> smoking Tbat 'waota a pretty strong will. Hhe—Well, I’ve got one.—PundL Daughter—8bo seems to bavo g >t over tbs death of her first buabaiiiL Fath«r—Yes. but her second huaire.id hasn't—Pick-Mo-Up. Mrs. Smalltown— Would you accept a place In tbe suburbs? Cook—I'll row- older it If yas bare room In your guru»» for me motor.—Town Topics. "What did you th Ina of that girl nt her coming out party 7’ "Well, to bw perfectly frank, 1 thought she'd txrlier go back !”—Leslie's Weekly. Mother—But what do you expect to do later, my son. If you never learu to write? Son—Oh, that will be all rigut I’ll buy a typewriter. Silhouette. “May I call you Mabel r be asked at tbelr second meeting, pretending to be badly amltten. “It you wlah to; but my name la Gertrude."—Chicago Rec ord Herald. Candidate for Crow—Could you tell me where tbe rhetoric claea ls being held? Candidate for Football—I dou t know; I'm a student hero myself Town Topics. Employer—This makes tbe fourth grandmother of yours that baa died tbta spring Office Boy—I know ain't these family troubles fierce Cornell Widow. Snooks—To what do you attributo your success aa a tradesman? Helleux —If a customer doesn't see what lie wants, I make him want what he sees. —Illustrated Blu. “Wbat'e become of your umbrella?” “I loaned It to Tompkins.” “Why doesn’t be return Itr “The caught him wltb It and demanded It. —Milwaukee Sentinel. “Father, do all angels have winger "No. my eon. your mother has none.” And then she said, sweetly, that bs might go to tbe dub If be wouldn't stay late!—Atlanta Constitution. Teacher—How long had Washington been dead when Roosevelt was Inaugu rated? 8cbolar—I dunno, but It hasn't been very dead since Teddy has beew there!—Lippincott's Magaxine. “Do you think cabbage Is unwbole- somer asked the dyspeptic. "It de pends somewhat,” answered the f'«xl expert, “on whether you eat It or try to smoke It"—Washington Star. “Mrs. Rogers Is a perfect slave to her busband.” “What does she dor “Would you believe It? Every year, oa bls birthday, sbo get» up la time to eat Herrings are being sold In the streets breakfast wltb him.”—Leslie’s Weekly. of Sunderland, England, at twenty for Teacher—You have named all domew- a penny. tlc animals eave one. It baa bristly Squares, triangles and slmlluar Im hair. It la grimy, likes dirt, end la fond plements used by draftsmen are now of mud. Well, Tom? Tom (shame made of glass facedly)—That’s me.—Chicago Trib A German estimate of the capital In une. vested In the construction of tbo world’s Mabel (aged elx)—Ain’t you afraid railroads la »43,310.000.000. of our big dog? The Parson (very thin) The swiftest river In the world la the __No. my dear. He would not nmka Sutlej, of British India, which In ISO much of a meal off me. Mabel—Oil. miles has a descent of 12,000 feet. but be likes bones beet—Chicago Dally The Actors' Church Union of England News has In the last year gained fifty mem “A tramp fell Into the water tank of bers and baa now 142 centers, with 171 a locomotive and rode twenty-aerew chaplains. miles without being discovered." "Wax "Nik The great cathedral at Cologne, al- be nneonsetoua when foundr Plain ibcu»h completed but a few years ago, Unrecognizable.”—Cleveland has so deteriorated from factory smoke Dealer. tbst the body of the church will have to Dolly—Molly Wolcott told me be renovated throughout. month ago that her new gown was Cremation makes great headway In going to be a dream. Polly—Well, that iu» Alps. Genera takes the lead, both Is all It la. no far. Her husband won't In point of number and equipment, but give her tbe money for It.—Somervlllo Zurich, Aarau. Berne and Lausanne are JournxL each building a second crematorimn. “And do you have to be called In Fire other towns are doing likewise. the morn Ing r naked the lady who waa He was a Scotchman and somewhat about to engage a new girl. “I don't shy. At tea the variety of cakes was bax to be. mum." replied the applicant, bewildering and the young lady whose "unless you happens to need me."— guest he was helpfully Inquired, “Will Yonkers Statesman. “Your sentence la to be suspended.” you bare a cake or a meringue, Mr. Johnstone?" "Hoots. no. ma lassie,“ began tbe merciful court “Great quoth he, kindly, “you’re no wrang— Scott. Jedge!" exclaimed the prisoner, “ef I'd knowed chicken stealing waa a 1'11 bae the cake !” Monks and nuns exiled from France hanging offense I wouldn't hare stole.” by the recent laws sre still seeking —Philadelphia Ledger. “Which do you prefer,” said the ar- refuge In England In considerable num bers. Fifty nuns recently left Brest ttsttc young woman, “music or piretry?" on board the Antelope, and 160 brothers “Poetry," answered Mixa Cayenne “You of Christian schools, who have been ex can keep poetry shut up In a book. pelled from their Institutions, are seek You don’t hare to listen to It unless you choose.”—Washington Star. ing a home In Jersey and England. "Excuse me. sir." remarked the The production of metallic cadmium, which has hitherto been confined to weary wayfarer, "but I don’t know Belgium and Silesia, has been under where my next meal Is coming from ” taken by a chemical company of Cleve “Neither do 1.“ replied the proafrerou» land. Ohio. The ore of the Joplin dis looking Individual. "My cook left this trict Is stated to be richer tn cadmium morning, too.”—Philadelphia Record. than the ore of Silesia, but under the “Oh. madam," said the French maid conditions of sine smelting In the (Tilt “Fldo weel not eat xe bon-bons” "Thw ed States It has not been considered dear. Intelligent little doggie!" exclaim worth while to attempt to save cad ed Mrs Rich. "There must be some thing wrong with those bonbons ( lire. mium as a by product. Give them to the children."—New York Moot for K«r*i*Mrs**t Evening Mall. As a patroness of struggling and dis Polities couraged artists and musicians Mrs. Follen was not markedly successful, A story Is told of a Bradford County although she bad plenty of money and politician (the sharp and shifty kind) a warm heart, and waa Interested In who was urged by hla wife to hoe tha art and artists. garden. He couldn't think of any very “I’ve brought some of my lsst win good reason, so he went at It Soon ter’s sketches to show you," said one be came In with a silver quarter he poor young man whom ahe had asked said he had found. He washed It. put to call upon her, “but I do not feel it In bls pocket and went back. In a satisfied with them. They are not ax few minutes he showed up with another g-xsl In some ways as the work I did coin, this time a half dollar, lie said a year ago.” there must be a burled treasure In that "Nonsense!" cried Mrs. Follen. with garden. He unearthed a couple of Being loud cheerfulness, patting him on th« dimes and another quarter. shoulder. “You paint Just as well as very tired, he announced his Intention you did last year—as well as you ever of taking a nap. and duly went to alee)» have. Your taste's Improving—that's When he awoke his wife had a danger ous and steely glint In her eye. but Hie all!" garden was all hoed. It Is mlatruat-il Hard Work. that she bad hoed while he sleyit. and "What do you think is Mr. D’Auber's that she bad failed to find any burled greatest work?" treasure.—Milton Standard. “Selling the pictures be paints,”— Cleveland Treader. Ckaaee to Prove Hl The herring catch off the shores of England represents 415,000,000 annu ally. Hhe—1 would never marry a max who was a coward. He—About bow brave would It Ire necessary for him to be In order to wla your approval? Here la a chance for aome man to Hhe—Well, he’d have to have courage make fifty million dollars in a few enough to—sr—propose. — Cutes»* minutas; marry Helen Gould. News If you want to make a msn trouble In s nice, polite way, let him have ths distribution of the complimentary tickets