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About Heppner gazette. (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912 | View Entire Issue (May 24, 1906)
Prisoners and Captives By H. S. CHAPTER I. Onp nfterun.il, some years ago, the copper-bright rays of a cruel sun burned the surface of the tepid ocean. The stillness (f the ntniosphore was phe nomenal, even in the latitudes where a great calm reigns from month to month. It is almost impossible to present to northern eyes this picture of a southern sea gleaming beneath a sun which had known no cloud for weeks; impossible to portray the brilliant monotony of . it . all with any degree of reality. The sun rises day by day, week iu and week out, unclouded from ' the' straight horizon, fails right overhead, and at last sinks westward umlnnmed by thinnest vapor. Month after month, year after yeas, aye, century after century, this day's work is performed. The scotching orb of light rises at the Same 'monotonous-hour and sets, just as he did when this world was one vast ocean, with but one ship sail ing on it. . l-'rim the dark, mysterious depths of the ocean, wavering ripples mounting In rad.ation to the surface, broke at times the blue uniformity of its bosom. Occasionally a delicate nautilus floated along before some unappreciable breath, presently to fold its sails and disappear. Iojig trailers uf seaweed floating idly almost seemed to be endowed with a einuou life and movement. No bird in the air, no fish in the sea! Nothing to break the awful silence! A wreck might float and drift lure or there upon these aimless waters fur years to gether and never be found. But Chance, the fickle, ruled that two vessels should break the monotony of sea and sky on this particular afternoon. One, a mighty structure, with tall taper ing blasts, perfect in itself, an ideal merchantman. The other, small, of ex quisite yacht-like form, and with every outward sign of a great speed obtaina ble. There was obviously something amiss with the larger vessel. Instead of white sa'ls aloft on every spar, bare poles and slack rpes stood nakedly against the blue ether. Iu contrast, the other carried every foot of canvas. Carried it literally; for the white cloth hung mostly idle, only at times flapping softly to a breath of air that was not felt on deck. Since dawn the smaller vessel had been stead ily, though very slowly, decreasing the distance between them, and now there were signs of activity on her deck, as though a boat were about to be lowered. Across the silent waters trilled the call of a boatswain's whistle. The vessel was plainly a man-of-war. As a matter of fact, she was one of the quick -sailing schooners built and designed by the Brit ish government for the suppression of the slave trade on the west coast of Af rica. Every knob of brass gleamed in the sun, every inch of deck was holy-stoned as white as milk. Aloft no rope was frayed, no seizing adrift. It was easy to see that this trim vessel carried a large crew under strict discipline. And now the melodious song of sailors hauling together floated through the flittering air to the great vessel of the dead. No answering cry was heard no expectant faces peered over the black bulwarks. The signal flags, "Do you want help?" hung unnoticed. The scene was suggestive of that fable tell ing of a mouse proffering aid to a lion; the huge, still merchantman could have taken the slave catcher upon its broad decks. Fresenily a boat left the smaller ves sel and skimmed over the water, impell ed by shnrp, regular strokes. The sound of the oars alone broke the silence of Nature. In the stern of the boat sat a square ehouldered little man, whose brown face and glistening chestnut beard, pleasant ly suggestive of cleanly refinement, com bined with readiness of resource. His pleasant eyes were scarcely hazel, and yet could not be described as gray, be cause the two colors were mixed. As the boat approached the great mer chantman, this officer formed his two bands into a circle and raised his prac ticed voice: "Ahoy there !" There was no reply; and a moment or two later the small boat swung in be neath the high bulwarks. There was a rope hanging almost to the water, and with a quick jerk the young fellow scram bled up the ship's side like a monkey. Three of the boat's crew prepared to fol low him. lie sat for a moment balanced on the blistered rail, and then leaped lightly on to the deck. Between the planks the pitch had oozed up and glistened like jet, in some places the seasoned wood had warp ed. He stood for a moment alone amid the tangled ropes, and there were beads of perspiration on his brown forehead. It Is no pleasant duty to board a derelict ship, 'for somewhere or other there will probably be an unpleasant sight, such as is remembered through the remainder of the behold.-r's life. There was something crude and hard In the entire picture. In the merciless, almost shadowless light of a midday sun every detail stood out in hard outline. The perfect ship, with its forlorn, Iwdrag-p!- d d-k ; the clean spars towering up into th heavens, with llvir loose cord :'. their clumsily furled sails; and upon the moss-grown dVck this square-shouldered little officer trim. seaman-like, prompt, amid the universal slackness the sun gleaming on his white cap and gilt buttons. While he stood for a moment hesitat ing, he heard a strange, unknown sound. It was more like the rattle in a choking man's throat than anything else that he could think of. He turned quickly, and Hood gating upon the saddest sight he Lad yet seen in all bis life. Over the tangled rops the gount figure of a white dog wai creeping toward him. This poor dumb brute was most piteous and heart rending, for the very dumbness of its tongue endowed its bloodshot, staring yes with a heaven-born eloquence. As It approached thera came from Its throat a repetition of the sickening crackle. The young officer stooped over It with kindly word and cares. Then, ta4 than otdj, 414 ht realise Oat the MERRIMAN black and shriveled object hanging from its open lips was naught else but the poor brute's tongue. This was more like a piece of dried-up leather than living flesh. "Water!" said the officer quickly to the man climbing over the rail behind him. Some moments elapsed before the small beaker was handed up from the boat, and during these the officer moistened his fin ger at his own lips, touching the dog's tongue tenderly and skillfully. "lvook after the poor brute," he said to the man, who at length brought the water. "Don't give him too much at first." With a lighter step he walked aft, and climbed the brass-bound companion lad der, while two of the boat's crew follow ed upon 'his -heels, .- Upon the upper deck he stopped sud denly, and the color left his lips. There, at the wheel, upon an ordinary kitchen chair, sat a man. , Ills two hands clutch ed the brass-bound spokes ; his head lay prone upon his arms. A large Panama hat completely hid his features, and the wide, graceful brim touched his bent shoulders. As the stately vessel slowly rocked up on the glassy sweep of rolling wave the great wheel perked from side to side, swaying the man's body with it. From one muscular arm the shirt sleeve had fallen back, displaying sinews like cords beneath the skin. Here was Death steer ing a dead ship through lifeless waters. And yet In the dramatic picture there was a strange sense of purpose. The man was lashed to the chair. If life had left him this lonely mariner had at least fought a good fight. Beneath the old Panama hat an unusual brain had at one time throbbed and planned and conceived a purpose. This was visible in the very simplicity of his environ ments, for he was at least comfortable. Some biscuits lay upon tne grating beside him there was bunting on the seat and back of the chair while the rope loosely knotted around his person seemed to in dicate that sleep, and perhaps death, had been provided for and foreseen. CHAPTER II. Gently and with excusable hesitation the naval officer raised the brim of the large hat and displayed the face of a living man. There could be no doubt about it. The strong face bore the signs of perfect health the brown hair and closely cropped beard were glossy with life. "He's asleep !" whispered one of the sailors a young man who had not known discipline long. "Halloo, my man ! Wake up !" called out the young officer, clapping the sleeper on the back. The effect was instantaneous. The sleeper opened his eyes and rose to his feet simultaneously, releasing himself from the rope which was hitched over the back of his chair. Despite ragged shirt and trousers, despite the old Pana ma hat with its limp brim, despite bare feet and tarry hands, there was some thing about this sailor which placed him on a par with the officer. These social distinctions are too subtle for most of us. We can feel them, but to explain is be yond us. We recognize a gentleman, but we can in nowise define one. This sail or's action was perfectly spontaneous and natural as he faced the officer. It was an unconscious assertion of social equal ity. "An English officer!" he exclaimed, holding out his hand. "I am glad to see the uniform again." The small man nodded his head with out speaking, but he grasped the brown hand somewhat ceremoniously. The form of greeting was also extended to the two seamen by the ragged sailor. "Are you in command of this vessel?" inquired Lieut. Grace, looking round crit ically. "I am at present. I shipped as sec ond mate, but have now the honor of be ing captain, and bottle washer." The men moved away, looking about them curiously. The younger made for the deck house, seeking the compan ion way below. "Halloo!" exclaimed the solitary mari ner, "where are you men going to? Hold hard, there, you fellows ! Let me go down first." The stoutly built little officer held up a warning hand to his men. Then he turned and looked keenly into his com panion's face. The glance was returned with the calm speculation of a man who had not yet found his normal match. "Yellow fever?" interrogated Grace. "Yellow fever," answered the other, with a short nod. "I will go first." Suiting the action to the word, he led the way, and the young officer followed closely. At the head of the companion ladder the sailor stopped. "What is to-day?" he Inquired, ab ruptly. "Thursday." . "It was Tuesday when I lashed myself to that chair. I must have been sleep ing forty-eight hours." "And you have had no food since then?" "I don't know. I really cannot tell you. I rememler taking the wheel at midday on Tuesday; since then I don't exactly know what I have done." lie had di stended the brass-bound steps, and as he sjxke the last words he led the way into the saloon. A sail had been cast over the o;en skylight, so that the full glare of day f.iihd to penetrate into the roomy cabin. t"on th oilcloth-covered table lay a rolled sheet of brown patier in the rough form of a torch, and beside it a box of mathe. "I burn brown paper," said the sailor, quietly, as he strur-k a light and ignited the paper "it is the only disinfectant I have left." "You need It I" exclaimed the officer. In the meantime the other had advanc ed further Into the cabin. Upon the floor, beyond the table, with their heads resting upon the hatch of the latarette, lay two men whose forms were distinguishable be neath the dusky sheta cast over them. "Thoae sre the laat of nineteen," said the ragged man, waving aside the acrid moke. "I have burled seventeen my self, and nursed nineteen. That la the steward, this the first mat. Thty Quar- I reled when they were alive, ft seems to be mado up now eh? I did my best, i but the more I got to know of yellow fe- ! ver the if renter was mv respect for It. I ; nursed them to the best of my knowledge aud then I played parson." lie pointed to an open Bible lying on the floor. The little officer was watching him with peculiar and continuous scru tiny. He barely glanced at the Bible or at the still forms beneath the unwashed sheet. All his attention was concentrat ed upon the survivor. "And now," he said, deliberately, "if you will kindly go on board the Foam I shall take charge of this ship. "Eh?" Thev stood looking at each other. It is rather a difficult task for a small man to look up into a face that Is oonsidera bly. above him, with a continued dignity "I'll take command of the ship," he said, soothingly; "you are only lit for the sick list." Across the long and sunken face there gleamed again an unpleasant smile a mere contraction of the features, for the eyes remained terribly solemn. Then ha looked round the cabin in a dreamy way, and moved toward the base of the mliaen mast. "I have navigated her alaiost single handed for a fortnight." he said ; I am glad you came."- Then the officer led him away from the cabin. CHAPTER III. From the moment that the ragged steersman opened his mournful gray eyes and looked upon the sunburned race or Lieut. Grace he had felt himself insensi bly drawn toward his rescuer. This feel ing was not the mere sense of gratitude which was naturally awakened, but some thing stronger. It was almost a convic tion that this chance meeting on the deck of a fever-stricken ship was something more than an incident. It was a begin ning the beginning of a new Influence upon his life. When Grace laid his sunburned hand upon the sleeper's shoulder he had felt pleasantly conscious of a contact which had further import than mere warm flan nel and living muscle. It was distinctly sympathetic in its influence, for there is a meaning in touch. As the two men emerged on dock the officer turned to ward his companion. "In another hour," he said, "that small dog would have been dead." "Ah! you've saved him?" exclaimed the other. "Yes. He will recover. I know dogs," "He's had no water since Tuesday." "He looked rather like it. Come. We will go on board my ship and report to the old man, while you get a meal some soup I should think will be the best. You will have to be careful." He led the way aft, toward the rail where the men, having found a rope lad der, wore lowering it over the side. Be fore reaching them he turned. "By the way," he said, quietly, "what Is your name?" "Tyars Claud Tyars." "Claud Tyars," repeated the little offi cer, musingly, as If searching In his mind for some recollection. "There was a Tyars in the Cambridge boat two years ago a .Trinity man." "Yes thero was." Lieut. Grace looked up in his singu lar, searching way. "You are the man?" "I am the man." With a little nod the young officer con tinued his way. They did not speak again until they were seated in the gig on the way toward the . Foam. "I had a cousin," the officer remarked then In a cheerfully conversational man ner, "at Cambridge. Ha would be a eon temporary of yours. My name Is Grace." The rescued man acknowledged this neat introduction with a grave nod. 'I remember him well," he replied. "A great mathematician." "I believe he was," answered Grace. He was looking toward his ship, which was near at hand. The crew were group ed amidships, peering over the rail, while a tall old man on the quarter deck, stop ping In his meditative promenade occa sionally, watched their approach with the aid of a pair of marine glasses. "The skipper is on the lookout for us," continued the young officer in a low tone of voice requiring no reply. "A slaver?" inquired Tyars, following the direction of his companion's eyes. "Yes, a slaver, and the quickest ship upon the coast." Propelled by strong and willing arms, the boat soon reached the yacht-like ves sel, and In a few minutes Claud Tyars was repeating his story to her captain a genial, white-haired, red-faced sailor. (To be continued.) Would Wlh Illm Lack. "How would you feel if I should try to kiss you?" lie nsked. "You know I have always been desir ous of seeing you successful In nil your undertakings," replied tho girl demure ly. Louisville Courier-Journal. An Expert. Boss My chief requirement In a stenographer Is extraordinary speed. Applicant I can write letters almost as fast ns they do on the stage. Boss Name your wages. Cleveland Leader. German Klrlnv KeKulatlon. . The new musketry regulations of the German army prescribe firing at human figure targets only, and these are to bo colored gray. For kneel ing and prone firing portable rests are used. An Elneldntlon. "Why does that member of Congress assume to lie unfamiliar with the phrase 'stand iat?' " "Because he's bluffing," answered the other. Washington tSar. Degradation for Woman py. A Russian woman named Zanalda Smollnnmoff, who had moved in the highest circles In the German capital, has been sentenced at Lelpslc to nine months'- Imprisonment for espionage. A Warn In-. "Never marry an architect, my dear." Wt y not, mamma V "Because he Is sure to be a designing creatu'e." Baltimore American. Mental power cannot be got from Ill fed brains. T- 1 -J. Place for Sitting liens. We have always bad a preference for having the nests of sitters low down, if iRissible, on the ground. In some cases we have scattered barrels, laid on their sides and slightly sunk into the ground, all over the orchard, which served as a run for our laying hens. The h; would select them for nests, and u they became broody, could be' allowed to sit and hatch, and take care of their brood for at least a few weeks, right in the nest of their own selection. In the hatching room, too, we have regularly endeavored to have the nests near the ground, and if possible on the natural earth floor; or if in tiers, at least the lower one on the ground. Eggs usually hatch well 'on the natural earth floor. A reader of the Fanner, William Elwick, of Hanklnson, N. Dak., gives herewith a plan of coop for sitting hens, that may prove decidedly serviceable m many cases. lie makes these coops In rows. HI feet long, 10 nests In a row, and It! Inches square. The nests are covered by a board H Inches wide by 1(5 feet long, and inclosed by slide CONVENIENT NEST COOP. doors between nest and feed coop. Each feed coop (or ran) Is covered with a lath door. If hens sit well, he lets them off in the morning, and shuts them In at night Thus they can lie kept under full control all the time. At A is shown the empty nest ; at B the hen sitting; at C 'the slide door fastened down, with sitting hen Inside ; at D the lath cover on top of run, con fining the sitter to nest and run. The runs are 4 feet long. Dakota Farmer. Green Food for Small Chicks. As soon as the little chick begins to grow feathers, that is, after the down age Is past, green food is quite necos sary to Its happiness. If there is no danger of the bird being chilled or get ting wet, then let it have the grassy run to pick over ; even if the weather is cool, it wiy do no harm to let the chicks on to the grass in the warm part of the day, but they must be watched, so that they do not stay too long and become chilled. One of the most successful poultrymen we know makes it a prac tice to grow a quantity of lettuce In hotbeds especially for feeding his young chicks for green food. This seems to bo a good plan In his case, because his birds are hatched very early, before it Is fit to turn them on to the grass. Don't attempt to raise young chicks wholly on grain. Daalneaa Methods In Farming. Thousands of farmers In the more opulent agricultural regions of the country still conduct their farms In a haphazard way, but everywhere the ad vantage and necessity of the business spirit are being recognized, says the Boston Globe. The west has been warned, for ex ample, that tho fertilizer problem of the east and the south will have to be met before many 'decades unless the soils are put under better rotations and economy of land Is being preached. It is now generally accepted ns a truism that the better business man the agriculturist of today liecomes, the more profitable will be found that oc cupation, which once was descrllied by a keen, though not wholly wise farmer, in the statement that "farmin' ain't nil keepln books, by a long shot" Planning; Work Ahead. Suppose just before the work of the spring opens, each field Is planned out, the manure to be applied figured on, the quantity of seed required and Its cost, together with the time the field should be prepared for planting and about the time required for the work. Then take each Item of the work to be done each week and plan it out careful ly tho day before. So many hours for this task, so many for that, and so many for the other, and so on through the season. A half hour or even an hour spent each day In planning ahead, and then working in accordance with tho plan, will save much time and la lior. One of our troubles, as farmers, comes from our disinclination to sys tematize affairs, and we dart thither and hither and lose much valuable time dally. Wound on Fruit Trees. An pastern fruit grower says: "Wounds of any considerable size should lie given a coat of paint or some other durable substance. A sultible dressing must possess two distinct proiicrtles. It must check the weath ering of the wound and prevent the growth of bacteria and fungi, and It must bo of such a nature as not to In jure the surrounding bark. The dress ing Is of no ralue In the healing of the wound, except as It prevents decay. For general purposes, a white lead paint Is most satisfactory. It adheres closely to the wood. Wax, shellac, tal low, etc., are lacking In both respects. Bordeaux mixture would be an admira ble material for this purpose If It were mora durable." 1 l'-.XL-J'.P.''-'r-SiS' Water for IToraea la limner. If one will stop to think bow hard It is to go through the work of the morning In a dry, dusty field on a hot day without a drink, one will then have an, idea of how horses feel under the same conditions. An excellent plan of feeding and watering the horse during the warm weather is to give theni wa ter In the morning, then the hay and then the grain; at noon the water, a little hay and then the grain and at night tho water, the grain and some time afterward, usually two hurs or more, all the hay the animal will eat up clean. It will be noticed that the water always precedes the meal of hay and grain. During the forenoon nnd during the afternoon the horses should have at least one cooling drink It will do them no harm and they will do all the better work in consequence then, at night, see that they are prop erly groomed and that they have a good, comfortable bed for their tired bodies. Treated In this manner, one will get a full day's work from every horse and he will not suffer from it either. Donbt an to Shredding; Corn. It Is not universally admitted that shredding corn fodder pays. Many who have tried it seem to feel about like an Indiana farmer, who says : "I shred my corn fodder, but am not satisfied that it is a success. Labor Is too high, and while cattle do very well on it horses do not seem to do ns well. In my opinion, corn, oats nnd timothy hay is, the best combination of feed for horses ; corn and clover hay with some bran for beef cattle, nnd clover buy, bran, oats and n little corn for sheep. I do not use concentrated feed. I do not grow nny special va rlety of corn. The average yield to the acre one year with another Is about forty bushels. I cut from five to twenty acres each year, using the corn har vester. I keep five horses, about twen ty-five hogs, and from ten to fifteen cattle." Waste of Feed. Straw, corn fodder and rough hny are known as coarse foods, because much of such foods contain either an excess of woody fiber nnd little nu trition In proportion to the bulk, or are not as readily eaten by stock as Is good hny or food of a better quality. For this reason there Is a large waste of valuable feeding- material In the Unit ed States that might be saved nnd used If proper attention Is given to the preparation of foods nnd tho com bining of the different materials in a manner by which all can be utilized, nnd a eorrosjKinding gain In meat or milk thereby secured. Millions of stacks of straw and a still larger mini her of "shocks" or corn fodder rot in the fields, or are damaged In a manner to render tho food valueless, though all of such could be made to perform serv ice. The Soprean Tomato. One of the most promising of the sev eral new varieties of tomatoes afforded to planters this spring Is Success. It has its chief merits In Its brilliant red color and Its splendid shipping quali ties. It ripens evenly and almost to the very stem, the skin Is smooth and, ns yet It has shown no tendency to crack. It Is very firm and yet the flesh Is not hard, but yielding and Juicy. In habit of growth it is exceetljngly promising. the vines being vigorous and compact and the fruit setting abundantly In clusters. Taken altogether It i.Ta sorl that will make a mark for Itself un less it should develop, under field cul ture, some traits not now seen In the testing grounds. It ought to be a variety of great vnl ue for shippers and those who grow tomatoes for distant markets are ad vised to watch the variety closely. Indianapolis News. Let the Calf Hare Hay. When the young calf or the young lamb is large enough to move around freely It ought to have some fine hay of good quality before it all the time so that It can liogin to eat ns soon ns na ture Intends It should. Bear In mind that until Its stomach Is In condition to properly take care of the hay its In stinct will keep the animal from eating much of It The idea that nny Injury will result Is wrong. If the young calf must be kept In the bam try and lo cate Its stall where it will have plenty of light, especially sunlight, and nil the fresh air It needs. Keep the stall clean with the nice hay always at hand for It to nibble nnd It will thrive. Of course this stall must be located for a time, at least where the cow can see lier baby at nil times ; then one will have a good cow and a good calf. Paper Iloraeahoea. The latest device for helping man. by helping those who help man. Is In the shape of a paper horseshoe. This Is said to be as durable, easier to fit lighter and less trying on the horse than the present Iron shoes. Car wheels, notably the wheels of Pullman cars, have long been made of com pressed paper. THE SL'CCESS TOMATO. , PROPHESIED CALAMITIES. French Seereaa Who Claim to Har Foretold Year'a Dlaaatera. Perhaps the most-tnlketl-of person In Paris Is Mme. do Thebes, the mystio prophetess, who, it Is claimed, has "made good." Mme. Thebes bus been noted for years for her prophecies of dire events to come. It is said that she predicted the assassination of Mc- Klnley, and popular belief Is tnat sue foretold many great occurrences of late year. Her prophecy of last December, couched In mysterious words, told of the terrors that the world would go through in the yenr lUOfl. The tenor of it all was that It would be a yenr of trouble. She said thnt there would be holocaust, famine, earthquake disturb ances wldesprend, with wholesale casu alties. The forces of nnture, she de clared, would rise up ngnlnst man nnd millions would suffer death or nngulsli or loss. She predicted that there would MME. DK THERE S. be wnr. She said that the order of things would be upset, nnd lucldentnlly thnt Belgium would play a curious pnrt In It America, she prophesied, would not escape the general misfortune, but would suffer some great disaster, the character of which she did not specify. So widespread and shocking would be the calamities and suffering, she said, that man would wonder If all things were nenrlng an end. Humanity would turn Its attention with a unanim ity never before known to the teachings of religion, and the most mnrked re sult of all the trouble of the yenr would be a great moral wave sweeping around the world. Wnr would give way to pence, and a brotherliood of mankind without regard to rnce, color or sect would follow. The believers In the jwnvers of the soeress and the superstitious nre now snylng that all her prophecies, except wnr, came true In the first four months of the year. These Include the famine In Japan, 1,000,000 suffering; mine ex plosion at Ceurrleres, France, 1,200 killed. Two earthquakes In Formosa, 2..VI0 killed. Eruption of Vesuvius, 2,000 killed. Tahiti tidal wave. Thousands dend or homeless. And the earthquake at Snn Francisco. OWN YOUR OWN WIRELESS. Pocket Sender nnd Vmbrelln Heqnl- Kites Not Yet, bnt Soon, May lie. Every man his own wireless station with the nld of nn umbrella Is tho promise mndo by nn officer of tlie American Do Forest Wireless Tele grnph Company. He made this nn nouncement while telling some details concerning the efforts to reach Ireland from America by wireless, says tho New York Times. By the pocket wireless apparatus, It Is declared, any one can, with a knowl edge of the Morse alphabet, telegraph from nny point In New York City to Coney Island and possibly to distances farther away, even to ships at sea. Tills apparatus might be ready In a few weeks, It was asserted. Dr. Lee Do Forest tho Inventor of the system thnt bears his name, Is now n Ireland, the guest of Lord Arm strong, president of the British branch of the company, nnd already Dr. De Forest, the officers of the company say. has received Coo words sent from this side to apparatus placed temporarily on top of Lord Armstrong's castle In South Ireland. Messages, the De For est people sny, nre going only one way ust now, but before long, It Is pre dicted, they will be going In both di rections. Abraham White, the president of the American De Forest Wireless Tele graph Company, gave out the state ment nbout the pocket wireless ma chines and the possibility of utilizing umbrellas ns nntonnm in the sending of messages from a person's pocket to stations nnd ships, miles away. In a few weeks, ho explained, there will lie nn exhibition of the machines, so thnt nny one enn see how easy It Is to tell your troubles to somebody twenty miles or more away. Appropriate. I'atron I see you have a new chef. What Is his name? Proprietor Oh, we cnll him Poult liey Blgelow. Patron That's odd. Why should you give him such n distinguished name? Proprietor Oh, because he Is such a good roaster. Columbus Dispatch. Ilia I'octlc Head. "He's proud of lielng prematurely gray. He thinks that cn Id mine effect over his ears makes him look poetic" "Well, It does remind me of a poem." "What poem?" "'When the Frost Is on the Pump kin.' " Cleveland Leader. A country woman regards a com pliment very much as the . average woman does a husband's explanation. If you want to keep out of the poor house, quit some of your fool ways.