Heppner gazette., March 08, 1906, Image 2

THE RED STORM
Or the Days of Daniel Boone
w
By JOEL
ROBINSON
CHAPTER VIII.
Allan's cheeks grew red with rage, but
lie disdained to answer such a false-
hood.
"Mr. Norwood don't look like a man
who would receive the kind of disci
pline you speak of very patiently," ob
served Boone, surveying with a sinile
Allan's stalwart proportions.
"Who knows this young man? Who
can vouch for him?" demanded Alston.
"Those who came with me to Ken
tucky, and would willingly vouch for my
veracity and honor, are now at Harrods
burg," said Allan.
"He is a worthless adventurer!" ex
claimed Le Bland. "And I trust I shall
again have the pleasure of chastising his
arrogance."
"Don't be too free," said Logston,
giving his prisoner a hearty shake.
"Andrew!" said Boone.
"Yes, massa," replied the negro, pre
senting himself.
"Y'ou are to keep watch of Monsieur
Le Bland and see that he does not es
cape from the block-house. Take your
ffun and keep guard at the door."
"Shall I shoot him, massa?" asked An
drew. "Not until he tries to escape," was
the reply.
"I'll do dat, sir." said Andrew.
"See that you do, if you value your
skin; for look you, darkey, our lives are
depending on it," added the captain.
"I ken do it just like nutiln. You
ken trust dis chile as fur as you ken
see him."
"And not much further." said Boone
to himself. Turning to Mr. Alston, he
resumed, in a serious voice: "Trust my
judgment for this time ami do not im
agine that I am -actuated by unworthy
motives. If I am doing any person the
least injustice in acting as I am, I will
be the first to confess my error when it
becomes fully apparent. I never took
pleasure in wronging any human being,
and I am getting too old to learn many
new tricks now. This Le Bland I know
Is a personal friend of yours; but he is
no true man; he is a spy a wolf in
sheep's clothing, and all the time he has
been with us he has ben in correspond
ence with our enemies. Let me assure
you that Bosalthe can tell you more of
Lim than ou would like to hear."
"I dare say you mean well, Captain
Boone. I have no reason to distrust
your friendship, but it does appear to
me that some enemy has done this."
as air. Alston spoke, he looked as
kance at Allan, who well understood
what he meant.
"You wrong the young man, sir, my
word for It you do, and the time will
come wheu you will confess your error
This very day, Mr. Alston, this good
friend of yours had an appointment with
Silas Girty and the chief of tHe Miamls,
and I should not be surprised if we
were surrounded by Indians and French'
men before the sun has sunk in the west
I tell you we are in danger, but I do
not fear it for myself it is of our wom
en and children I am thinking."
"Have I not a father's heart also?
Am I not at this moment suffering all
the agony a parent's heart can feel?
Is not my darling torn from me by sav
age hands U, Captain Boone, let us
reconcile these differences and hasten
after my d.lughter," replied Alston, in a
voice husky with emotion.
"All that mortal man can do shall
be done, and yet the fort must not be
left without defenders," returned the forester.
At that moment there was an ener
getic knocking at the gate. Ebony was
ordered to undo the fastenings, and a
strong, resolute-looking man, with a ritle
upon his shoulder, entered.
The Individual who appeared was
Bland Ballard, whose services as a spy
during the early history of Kentucky
will never be forgotten. His bold step
and firm bearing proclaimed him all
that he had the reputation of being a
daring, trustworthy ami efficient man,
fitted for great emergencies and vicissi
tudes of frontier life.
"Ballard, I am glad to see you," cried
the pioneer, grasping the hand of the
scout. "What news have you? What
of the Indians? Any new movements?"
"Well, cap'n, you'd better stop and
get your breath," sail Ballard.
"The fact is, we are rather excited
here, Ballard," replied Boone.
'Should think so, but you'll be likely
to get more excited by and by, I reckon,
if nothin' in the course of nater breaks."
"That's Jest what we're afeared on,"
remarked Logston, who had executed his
commission, and was now waiting further
orders.
"There's Ingins!" said the scout mys
teriously; "there's no doubt but there's
Ingins!"
Unquestionably," returned Boone
dryly.
"And there's another kind o' varmints
called Frenchmen," resumed Ballard.
"How many?" asked Boone.
"Well, I should naterally say the
woods were full on 'em, to speak after
a similitude of a figure 'cordin to Scrip
ter." "There'll be fighting, then," said the
pioneer, musingly.
"That's about the English on'tr that
Is. unless somethin' "
"Breaks."' interrupted Logston, with
a mischievous smile.
"Sartinly," said Ballard. "The fact o'
the case is, we must shut ourselves up
here and hold agin the nateral heathen
of this sile to the very last, and longer
if possible."
"You may shut yourself up as fast as
you please, but I rather expect I shall
take s turn around these hers parts, to
see what's going on; because, you see,
I don't likw co take nothin' second-hand
like." said Joel Logston.
We all know It. Logston, and there
fore we can't spare you. Ws shall want
you to do some of your nics shooting,"
remonstrated Boone.
But Joel, when once resolved upon
anything, would always have his own
way, and, notwithstanding all that could
be said by way of remonstrance and en
treaty, lie mounted his horse and rode
wax.
CHAPTER IX.
Logston crossed the new clearings,
and took the narrow footpath leading
to Harrodsburg. He had proceeded
about two miles, when he was loudly
hailed as follows:
"Stop there, you Joel Logston; I want
a few words with you.
"Hullo! Who are you?" exclaimed
Joel, reining up his horse.
A man with high cheek bones am;
downcast eyes, dressed in Indian style
emerged from the bushes and stood be
fore Logston.
"I'm glad I've met you," said the
man; "it may be the means of saving
much trouble, you know. I'm Silas
Girty."
"And a mean-lookin' scamp you are,
observed Logston, with perfect self-
composure.
"Ugh!" exclaimed Girty, with a scowl.
"Get out with your infernal Ingln non
sense," responded Joel. "You ain't an
Ingln, nor ain't fit to be one."
"Be careful, my fiery lad, becausa
you'd better bear in mind that you're
iu a rather ticklish position about now."
"I ain't afeared."
"Hear what I've got to say, and it'll
be better for you in the long run."
"I never run," said Joel.
"I've come agin' Boonesborough with
a great army, and mean to take it;
nothin' this side t'other world can save
it; but I'd rather they'd give in and
knock under without fightin', for you
know Ingins can't be restrained when
they get a taste of human blood; they
have a nater hankerin for blood, re
sumed Girty.
"What terms do you offer, providln'
they'll give in without comin to hard
knocks?" asked Joel.
"Why, I'll let 'em all, big and little
young and od, march out of the coun
try uumoested. Ain t that ar' merciful,
magnanimous-like?"
"Uncommon! But what are you goin'
to do with Harrodsburg?"
"Sarve it the same; cruelty's no part
of my natur'."
"I'm beginnin' to like you," observed
Joel, with a curious expression.
"You're a game chicken, Logston.
I've often heerd on ye, and If you'll
join us, I'll give you a thousand acres
of Drime land as soon as wove druv
out Boone and his fellers, and all the
rest on 'em."
"Now, that's what I call glnerous!"
exclaimed Joel.
"So it is, Logston; it is the ginerout
policy that tells in all military leaders.
and I've lately added it to my other var
tues. But there's one thing I e'enamost
forgot to mention. The fact Is, I'm not
a married man, and to come right to the
p'int, and to speak out manful-like,
there's a gal up there to the fort that
has made a monstrous effect on me."
"What's her name, Captain Girty?"
"Eliza Ballard."
"Who?" asked Logston, with a start
"Eliza Ballard," repeated Girty.
"Bright gal, captain, bright gal!" ex
claimed Joel, with forced composure.
"I know she is. I've watched her
when she went down to the spring for
water. But I've got two strings to my
bow, my boy; if I shouldn't succeed with
Eliza, ther's Fleming's darter, as pretty
a cre'ture as ever the sun shone on. So
between the two I expect my heart wont
get entirely broke down."
"When the Ballard gal's married, I
hope I shall be present at the weddin',"
remarked Joel, sentimentally.
"I'll make sure on't by askln' ye now.
And hark! jine me in this affair, and
I'll say fifteen hundred acres instead of
a thousand."
"Say two thousand, Captain Girty,
and I'm your man."
"Well, I don't care; it won't make no
great odds; so two thousand it Is."
"Give me that bread hook o' yotirn,"
said Joel, cordially extending his hand.
"Here 'tis," responded Girty; "I shall
live to see you a rich land owner yet."
"A lot about six feet by two, per
haps," muttered Joel. "I'll carry your
terms up to the fort and do the best I
can; and I'll speak a good word to Miss
Ballard, for she's a beauty, Captain,
without varnish or whitewash."
"I shall depend on you, Logston. I
knew you was my man, if I could only
see you face to face; and really, it seems
as though Providence brought us to
gether."
"It does so," returned Joel; "I reckon
I'll ride down to Ilarordsburg first, come
to think it over," he added.
"I wouldn't advise you to do that.
The woods ain't quite safe in that di-
ection, at this time," said Girty.
"Hold here jest another word about
Eliza Ballard," said Joel, leaning toward
Girty, and making a gesture for him to
preseut his ear.
"There s the place I hear with, said
Girty. thrusting his head toward Joel.
"Take that, you sneakiu' renegade!"
cried Logston, planting a stunning blow
exactly into Girty's "hearing place"
that fairly lifted him from the ground,
and landed him head foremost in a heap
of brushwood beside the path, where he
lay motionless, with his heels in the
air. Joel cocked his rifle and pointed It
at him, but dropped the muzzle, saying:
"It won't do; the report would perhaps
stir up a million redskins. Lay there,
you infernal good-for-nothln. while I
give you my hlessin'!" he addel, looking
contemptuously at the motionless figure
of Girty. "You ain't nobody to speak
on; you're a vile critter; you're a de
misable turncoat; I don't know nothing
bad enough to call you. If I had a
knife I'd scalp ye, hang me if I wouldn't
so your own mother wouldn't know you!
Talk about Eliza Ballard, will ye? Give
me two thousand acres of land! O, yon
snipe: you mud turtle! you unmerciful
coward! you double distilled villain!
That's my blessin. Come swsy, Vesu
vius; don't touch the dirty critter; a dog
Is known by the company he keeps.
The woodsman galloped briskly to
ward Harrodsburg, bis Indignation
mounting higher at every step. Several
times be was on the point of turning
bsck to dispatch the worthless object who
had dared to aspire to the hand of Sllaa
Ballard, a young and comely maiden.
upon whom his own affections had been
placed for a long period.
"To think," muttered Joel, "t'.iat such
a scamp should entrap such a lovely
girl as Eliza! It makes mo feel ugly
all over. I was a fool that I tidn't make
a final end of the boasting blackguard.
The last period of Logiton's collequy
was scarcely uttered when the craek of
a rifle saluted hi ears. His horse stag
gered a few paces ami fell, sevsrely
wounded. Refore Joel could disengage
himself from the saddle, a rile ball
whistled through his hunting shirt, graz
ing the skin, producing a plentiful elu
sion of blood. The hardy forester, la
ured to scenes of danger, was on his feet
in an Instant, firm and self-posse
csstlng keen and rapid glssces aseaad
him to discover hit fees. The aeaeke
from their rifles was curllsg graeefuny
upward, but they were iavlsikle, as v tag
hidden themselves behind trees. The
quick and searching eye ef Joel was aot
long at fault. In releadiag his gua, eae
of his enemies exposed a portion ef h
body. Legston fired, and the savage
cried out and fell. Another Indlaa tm
mediately rushed from his hiding place
with a loud yell and uplifted tomahawk
The woodsman clubbed his rifle; his as
sailant instantly stopped, and hurled the
weapon In his hand with such precision
that it would have been fatal to him
had he not, with cat like agility, sprung
aside, thus avoiding it.
Logston now rushed upon him, think
Ing to dispatch him by a well-aimed
blow with his clubbed rifle, but the wary
savage anticipated his intentions. In ev
ery instance, managed to eiude his furi
ous blows. The conflict went on in this
manner for a considerable time, with no
advantage on the part of Joel. Finding
that this kind of warfare was of no
avail, and that he was wasting his
strength in vain, ho threw away his rifle
and closed with his adversary in a hand
to-hand struggle.
Logston grasped the athletic savage In
his sinewy arms and dashed him to the
earth, but found it quite out of the ques
tion to hold him there; for he was nearly
nude, and his skin was so unctuous that
he could easily slip from beneath his
opponent.
As neither was armed, the struggle
was long and desperate, Joel continuing
to throw his antagonist to the ground,
and he contriving, as often, to slip from
his grasp. Thus they exhausted their
strength, without giving or receiving any
fatal injuries.
The forester, perceiving that his mus
cular powers were rapidly failing, adopt
ed a new plan of offensive operations.
As often as the savage attempted to
arise after he had hurled him to the
ground, he dealt him a blow Just under
the ear that knocked him down again.
This change of tactics operated admira
bly, and the Indian's swollen and bat
tered face soon gave tokens of Its effi
ciency; his energies were rest railing,
and his efforts grew less vigorous. At
length a blow, well directed and power
ful, caused him to lis motionless, and
Joel was about to grasp his throat and
strangle him, when he perceived that he
was silently and stealthily endeavoring
to get his knife from his leathern sheath.
Logston seized the weapon and plung
ed it into the Indian's bosom. He ex
pired with a hollow groan, and the
woodsman leaned against a tree, panting
with exertion, to rest after the conflict.
Casting his eyes toward the spot
where the other savage had fallen, he
perceived that ho was still living, and
with heroic firmness had succeeded In
reloading his gun, although it was evi
dent from his movements that his spine
was broken. The wounded and wretch
ed, though determined, being hail not
sufficient command over his disabled
body to sit upright long enough to fire;
but as often as he attempted to present
his gun, he fell forward upon his face;
and again struggling with the uncon
querable spirit, which neither pain nor
danger could subdue, braced himself with
his weapon for another trial.
Upon the writhing warrior there was
depicted an expression of mortal hatred
and impotent fury that even Logston
shuddered as he staggered away from
the spot.
"Miserable ere-tur! he exclaimed.
'Your back's broke, and you can't never
git over it; so I 11 leave you to fight it
out with death the best way you can;
but you'd better be dead a hundred
imes."
Joel's horse had gotten upon his feet
again, and did not appear to be seriously
nj tired.
"We ain't worth much, neither on us,
reckon," added Joel, addressing the
animal, and caressing his neck affec
tionately. "But you mrtry to get me
to Boonesborough some y or other.
At that stage of the woodsman's npos-
rophe to his horse, a cry from the
wounded Indian attracted his attention.
and looking in that direction the cause
was at once apparent. Vesuvius, who
precious to the fight had scented a deer
and followed him some distance, had
now returned to search for his master,
and seeing the wounded savage sitting
upon the ground, instantly attacked him
Springing upon the ill-fated being, the
dog sunk his sharp teeth into the throat,
nd with continual shakings, draggiugs
and bitings, worried the life from his
body.
(To bs continued.)
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Opinions of Great Papers on Important Subjects.
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T
INCOMPETENCE IN THE NAVY.
HE colliding and grounding In New York
harbor of three of Undo Sam's biggest
fighting machines show our navy is not
properly officered. From 5.000,000 to
110,000,000 of tho people's money Is In
vested In each of these boats. Extreme
care should bo exercised In their handling
so that the period of usefulness be made the greatest
possible. Yet In our own waters, beneath a fair sky
and, with a high tide running, these warships had to
be grounded to avoid sending one or more to the bot
tom and, while In this fix, another was ramnved.
A sufficient excuse for this Inefficiency will be hard
to find. Our warships Rre neither pressed for time
nor tide; they can stay at anchorage until fogs and
tempestuous seas disappear and until there Is water
enough In shallow places to get out safely Into the
offing. Such flimsy pretext as not having a pilot on
each vessel or that the water In the channel was at
low tide will not answer, The truth Is the boats were
so close together and going so fast that' the slightest
Interruption In speed was certain to result disastrously.
These ships are lifted with every modern device to les
sen speed In an emergency but the proximity was such
that even these safeguards were unavailable. The Ken
tucky's skies were rammed so badly that It will rquire
a month to repair the damage. The wonder Is that she
escaped going down. Only for a quick reversal of the
engines In the Alabnma the consequences would have
been tragic.
The friends of nn enlarged navy are cast down by
the Inexcusable blunder In New York bay. At a time
when Congress was being importuned to vote large
sums for new warships this collision takes place to
throw cold water on their urging. The question at once
presents itself: Is It worth while to authorize new
ships when those In commission are In Incompetent
hands? Would It not be wise to spend money to make
officers capable and trustworthy before making addi
tions to our naval strength, only to have the new boats
served by those unfitted for the task? Utlca Globe.
WE ARE NOT "GOING TO THE DOGS."
ANY have got an Idea, from the sensatlonil
announcements of measures under wiy,
that the people of this country' nre engaged
In a llfe-and-dentb struggle with the great
financial and Industrial Interests.
The people have been pictured as being
strangled In the tentacles of hideous oetopl
until many seriously believe that to be their real condi
tion. That there are wrongs In big business enter
prises and In small, there can be no question. That
wise remedies might better the condition of all Is not to
be doubted.
But that this country Is going to the deninltlon bow
wows unless things are promptly turned upside down
and Inside out Is poppycock. The whole business struc
ture rests and lias always rested on the conviction that
men will fulfill their obligations and deal fairly. This is
the foundation of credit Ninety-five per cent of the
total business transactions of this country are carried on,
not In cash, but In credit based on that conviction, show
ing bow general It Is and bow firm.
Confidence, not suspicion. Is and must be the prevail
ing tono of the business world. The proceedings of the
bankruptcy court show strikingly that the great ma
jority of business failures are not tainted by dishonesty
or dishonor.
We hear more about delinquencies of all sorts than
we did when the facilities for gathering news were
meager. And every little village and country cross
roads even has Its self-appointed oracle, who may not
know enough to earn a dollar and a half a day, but who
Imagines he clearly understands the most Intricate mys
teries of great business enterprises Involving millions
of capital and employing tens of thousands of men, and
noisily preaches tho doctrine that great success Is greal
fraud.
But the broader minded optimist sees that Justice,
honor and honesty are the normal condition that they
rule as a matter of course In social and business rela
tions. Millions of Instances In which they are In evi
dence never appear under startling headlines of a news
paper. They are far too ordinary to constitute "news."
An honest man creates no sensation as he passes along
the street attending to legitimate business, but the thief
In custody attracts a crowd. Ies Moines News.
EVIL OF TOO MANY CHURCHES.
MEUICA has too ninny churches. Towns
which might be well administered spiritual
ly by one clergyman or two have six, eight
or ten. No one of the six or more congre
gations can pay for n good preacher. Few
of them can pay all the cost of any preach
er, however poor. Nor can nny one of them
pay for nil the time of their spiritual leader. So only
very young men nre to be had, and tho demands upon
their time cover so wide a territory that preaching must
be almost their exclusive occupation and pastoral duties be
almost entirely disregarded. One of the clergymen ob
serves tersely and Justly : "No business could flour"
by that method and few churches can." Washington
Times.
THE TELEPHONE IN THE COUNTRY.
N Important phase of the rural Invasion of
the telephone has been Its perceptible effect
on the value of lands. It Is on record that
two or three years after the establishment
of lines through the country districts tho
prices of lands begin to rise rapidly ; Immi
grants come In with greater freedom ; ham
lets develop Into town ; cross-roads develop Into hamlets
and In the meantime quotations for wild and Im
proved lands are steadily advancing. The thing Is, of
course, too new as yet to permit any broadcast prophecy
In this direction, but the healthful trend Is already ap
parent Atlanta Constitution.
A
I
Realm.
MARRIAGEABLE GIRLS.
T Is very difficult to say what laws regulate
proposals why some girls attract atten
tion only, while others attract "attentions."
There are pretty and popular women to
whom nobody proposes; there nre plainer
ones with whom every second man finds
himself contemplating marriage. Lady's
"What Is the cause of all this bark
ing, mndaine? What is the cnuse of
all this barking?" exclaimed I'a Jones,
s he Impetuously rushed in to the hap
py home and threw his hat and coat
on the hall rack instead of the usual
spot on the west end of the piano.
One might think that thi3 house was
kloodle pound! One might think
that you were giving an imitation of a
canine chorus in the good old dog
days! Have you all taken cold at the
same time? Did you find a Job lot of
Influenza on a bargain counter, and
buy the whole business? I beard you
whooping It up a mile down the street!
heard you above the din of the trol
leys! There is no mistaking the sweet
contralto sneeze of your dear mother!
There Is no mistaking "
Ilohhjr on the Zebra.
Little Bobby was asked to write a
composition on some animal and he
wrote one on the zebra as follows:
"The zebra Is a hobo horse that
don't have to work because It wears
stripes. When men wear stripes they
have to work harder than those that
don't wear them, but the zebra loafs
around the zoo all day eating peanuts
and doing nothing."
Fired.
"That boss of yours," said Tlmmld,
"Is so pompous be always makes me
feel III at ease."
"Strange," replied Totter, "I felt out
of place when be was talking to me
to-day."
"Yes?"
"Yea, he was telling me I needn't
come back after Saturday." Philadel
phia Press.
"Don't get overheated, you nice old
yap!" interrupted Ma, savagely throw
ing her eagle eyes on the esteemed
Henry. "There is no use having a
rush of blood to the vacant room in
your dome! It Isn't my fault because
we have all taken cold! It Isn't my
fault because you were so close-fisted
that you wouldn't get weather strips
for the doors! But It will be my fault
if we don't get cured, and that pretty
quick! So you Just sneak to the
'phone and call up the doctor! He
wasn't In when I "
"What's that, niadame? What's
that, Mrs. Jones?" was the shoutful
Interjection of Ta. 'Tlea.se sing that
again so that I can catch the tune!
Kindly bum It again so that I will
know when to come In on the dance
act! Do you think that I am going
to encourage a doctor In a game of
graft like that? Do you Imagine for
one moment that I am going to pay
a medical geezer at the rate of two
dollars a head Just to come here and
tell you all to dress warm and keep
your feet dry 7 Not on your life, angel
wife! Not on your life I I will be the
doctor! I will be his squlllful nibs!
I will "
"Is that bo, Mr. Jones?" rejoined
Ma, In a palpitating tone. "Well, don't
you think It! Don't you even dream
It! You can take all the patent Blush
wash that you want to, from speckled
hair dye down to painless corn oint-
ment, UUl I wnui )vu ii uiaumn; uu-
Whrre the Bee la l.mur-
The bee of Mexico does not "lm-
prove each shining hour." As there!
Is very little cold weather there, DOM.,n thfl toh can't elve me anv
necessity exist for laying In winter Cf yonr coou Bong and banjo cough
tore of honey, and the bee la, there- curet even If a thousand testimonials
for, rather laxy ttaa otherwise. coira with every dosel I am "
"What's the matter with you, wom
an? What's the matter with you?"
yelpfully responded I'a, with a pretzel
look on his pained features. "Don't
you suppose that I know how to make
cough medicine? Don't you suppose
I know the ingredients of a cure that
would make a hospital look like the
first aid to the Injured? Who ever
heard of calling In n doctor to tinker
1 cough when I was a boy? Who ever
heard of going to bed with a cold and
having bouquets and scented notes of
sympathy Rent you down on the farm?
No one, madanie! No one! You sim
ply stay In tho house long enough to
take a little homemade syrup and then
go out and monkey in the snow to
keep clown the fever! I have had
more cold spells than you could find
In n Beef Trust refrigerator, and all
that my good old mother ever did was
to saturate me with keroseno and feed
me on molasses and vinegar, and "
"I can easily believe it, you sweet
crook!" broke In the taunting Ma, con
temptuously. "You are full of kero
sene yet, and "
"Silence, woman! Silence, lovey
dovey!" thundered Fa, ragefully, glar
ing at his devoted Mary. "You have
said enough! You have sprinkled on
a little of the Smith extra! How dare
you throw the harpoon Into the time
honored methods of my good old
mother? How dare you pose as an
authority on therapeutics? What
right have you "
"Oh, for heaven's sake, shut up, you
squawkful quawk!" shouted Ma, with
evident annoyance. "You nre worse
than a cblrpful singing society! Why
don't you forget your grouch and
phone for the doctor! Why don't "
"I won't shut up, dear soul! I won't
shut up!" returned Pa, explosively, as
be started for the kitchen, followed
by Ma. "I refill to be muzzled! I
refuse to permit the Smiths to run the
roost! I am the main guy of this
gang, and I am going to prove to you
the efficacy of my good old mother's
medicine. I am going to make you eat
crow! I am going to stew up some of
that syrup as a matter of vindication!
Where do you keep your pans? Norah.
get me the molasses! You may also
trot out the vinegar! Now, then.
Smithy, take a look and get wise to
the ways of domestic remedies! You
will notice that as these Ingredients
begin to sizzle I begin to stir! You
will Norah, bring me a hunk of but
ter and a lump of lard! That's right,
now, get a hustle on you and fetch a
dash of mustard, some ginger,
and "
"Aren't you a smart old hero?" In
terposed Ma, sarcastically, ,as she
watched the mlxful Henry. "Why
don't you put In a little shoe polish
and sand soap? Why don't you "
"Who Is doing this, niadame? Who
Is doing this?" was the snarlful re
Joinder of Pa. "Who Is conducting
this laboratory? Who Is so kindly ex
hausting his chemical knowledge to
cure your dear mother's cold when
she ought to be Oslerlzed? Why don't
you take a sneak? Why don't you
vanish like other ghosts? Why don't
you attend to your own business, and
be thankful that you have a guardian
angel named Jones to look after you?"
So saying Pa resumed work on his
syrup, and did not deign to notice tho
bunch of flattering compliments that
Ma generously threw at him.
The cough cure was finally cooked
to Pa's satisfaction, and after it had
been properly cooled and bottled, tho
amateur chemist seized a tablespoon
and smilingly turned to Ma.
"Call your mother, Mrs. Jones! Call
your mother!" he effmlvely cried. "Call
little Fldo, Sis, Edythe and everybody
else who has been contributing to the
barkful chorus! But first I will do
what no other doctor does! I will tako
a dose of my own medicine to show
you that I have faith In its virtue!
You will observe that I pour out a
tablespoonful! You will also observe
that I fearlessly put It In my mouth
and Wow! Holy smoke! Help, Mary!
Help! Turn on the hose! Crack up a
ton of Ice! Yell for the fire department!
Water! Water! More water! I am
burning to death! I have taken some
thing that tastes like tabasco! I have
swallowed lava from Mount Vesuvius!
Kun for a doctor, dearest! Run
for "
"It's Just good for you, you officious
brute!" put In the unsympathetic Ma,
with a triumphant gleam In her wifely
eyes. I don't pity you one bit! You
haven't got any more than was com
ing to you! I saw you dumping a
pound of cayenne pepper In that cough
cure Instead of ginger, but I couldn't
Interfere with the mixture that your
mother used to make!"
Pa Jones did not reply at the time.
He was too busy sucking water out
of the reservoir regardless of mic
robes. But at the end of two hours,
when he felt physically cooler and
mentally hotter, the good old family
battle began In earnest, and contin
ued until long after a real doctor had
prescribed for Mother-ln-Law Smith
and the other coughful cases. Phil
adelphia Telegraph.
We don't understand why the wom
an who has bo much trouble keeping
one Bervant, ever wants to be rich
when she would have the trouble mul
tiplied by six or eight