The Polk County Itomizer.
POLK COUNTYJTEM1ZKB.
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. - _
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IM U K Ü KV Kit Y NATI'K U A Y
--------MY---------
%
J.
H.
M oC A IN .
M u b n e r ip (l« n K a t e « :
«JLpr
75
10
NEW PRICES. NEW GOODS
.! V SMIT H, M. D.,
P H Y S IC IA N
AND S U R G E O N
Dallas, Oregon.
Offl«« on Mill S t, North « f Court House
T h e L a r g e s t S t o c k a n d C h eap est
G oods ! !
DR. \V. H. R l BULL,
D
E
N
T
I S T ,
Dallas, Oregon.
A
LL WORK DONE IN FIR ST CLASS ST Y L E .
OtSc« on« door north of J U. Lee'» White Brick.
JOH N T D A L Y
N. L. BUTLER
D A LY & B U T L E R ,
F or
P eople
the
P o l k C o u n t y !
of
A T T O R N E Y S A T LAW ,
\\T1LL PRO M PTLY AT T EN D T o A L L
f V busiiiess entrusted to them
Office on
opposite Court Hous«, Dallas
LEGAL
Mill St.
I take pleasure in uunoutniug to the public that my
~~E. J. DAWNE,
A T T OR N E Y AT LAW,
and Notary Pupllc*
SPRING
ATTENTION G IVEN |TO CO LL1CTIN G
S PECIAL
and loaniug money Always prepared to loan from
STOCK !
Ta now open and ready for inspection.
$105 te |J,WX) on personal or real «state security. OlHeo
opposite the the
bank,
Halom, Ore-
in Griswold's
.................¡Min*,
bui.
opposite
bank,
Halo
J. H. TOWNSEND,
In
M y
r n d .e p e n d .e n c ©
S to re
Dallas, Oregon.
ON M A IN STREET, OPPOSITE
O FFICE
Court House. Collections made a specialty
THE
E. B. SK IPW O R TH ,
A T T O R N E Y AT LAW,
You will find the FIN E ST GOODS and the L A R G E S T ASSORTM ENT of
GENERAL MERCHANDISE
Kept on Hie West Side o f tho Willamette, outside of Portland.
-
Notary Public,
Albany, Oregon,
W I L L P RACTICE IN ALL THE COURTS IN THE
T V State. All business entrusted to him promptly at
tended to. Otlice in O'Toole'B Block, Broad-Albin St., |
M L Pipes
Dallas
Geo W Belt,
Independence.
BELT
My
AT
Millinery
Department
Is complete > 11 every respect and in the hands of a competent Milliner.
& PIPES.
ATTORNEYS
LAW,
I V W ill practice in all the Courts
of the State. Office up stairs in
Court House.
OHAB. P. SULLIVAN,
Attorney at Law,
DALLAS, OREGON.
In my Perrydale store
You will find a C O M PLE TE ASSORTM ENT of
GENERAL MERCHANDISE
P rom pt Attention Paid to Rihlitesi«.
Suitable for the Country Trade.
You will also find a L IN E of
O rricE -O n Main Street, two doors uorth o f Pcstoffice
Millium of the Latest Styles!
DR. J. B. JOHNSON,
D e n tis t-
H ating returned to Independence
to permanently locate, is prepared to
da all kinds of dental work. Filling
and treating a specialty.
Office in Vandi uyn & Smith's new
brick, up Btairs.
Produce lakcn in EvchaKjfc for Goods at Market rates.
Give me a call before purchasing elsowhore, and SEE MY GOODS
T R U IT T & JOHNS,
and G ET TH E P R IC E S !!
Attomeye-at-Law,
EZRA
D ALLA S, OREGON.
O
FFICE ON M ILL STREET. NORTH OF COURT
House.
augltö
DR. I
T.
R ESI D E N T
D E N T IS T ,
Dallas, Oregon.
Is that you do yourself justice by buying goods where you can got them the
cheapest.
(Late o f Eugene City and Sheridan.)
Nitro Oxide or Laughing Gas administered.
up stairs over II. ’ . Butler's store.
D allam , N ov . 17. 1882.
PO PPLETO N .
ALL I ASK
MASON,
Oflics
Z. F. VAUGHN,
I know it is the practice among a great many merchant» to sell a few
leading articles at cost, but they must make it up on something else.
I
intend to strictly adhere to very LO W PRICE?" in everything I off»r for
sale, and in
M ill- S t r e e t , D a lla s ,
Watchmaker and Jeweler, DRESS & FANCY GOODS,
Watches, Clocks and Sewing Ma
chines Repaired.
CLOTHING
All work Warranted.
Z. T. DODSON, M. D..
PHYSICIAN, SURCEON,
----- A N D -
OBSTETRICIAN.
Haafeiermanently locate«! in Dalian, Oregon
Office in Hyde s drug store.
novlltf.
W . H. HOLMES,
Attorney and
Counselor
at Law,
S a lem , O re g o n .
J o h n M c D o w e l l
Real Estate
Furnishing’ Goods, Etc., Etc.
There is no doubt or question but I shall sell them very much lower than
the same goods have ever been offered in this market.
Please to call and price tho goods and you will see that I am
in earnest
M. M. E L L I S ,
Agent,
S u c c e s s o r to W . C . B r o w n ,
D ALLA S. OREGON
D ALLAS, OREGON. M ARCH 8 . 1883
T >A R T IE S DESIRING TO BUY OR SELL REAL
i estate, will do well to consult me. Office two «loon»
west o f Jap. R Miller's drug store.
J . L. C O L L IN S ,
A ttorney and Counselor at Law
B U R N S
&
M O R R IS O N .
U. M. L IE S
LIVERY AND SALE STABLE.
D a lla «.
SOLICITOR IN CHANCERY.
&
LAWRENCE,
M A W C F A C T t E E R S A N D D E A L E R » IN
O regon.
H H \ IT IR E .
*P I«I\4.
HKIIN.
A n d a l! k in d s o f
H O R 8 K 8 . C A R III A ft KB A N D L IV E R Y
BEEN IN PRA< T IC E OF HIS PROFESSION
place for about twenty tire years, and will
M AS in this
attend to all business
....
. i
Office, opposite the Dallas Hotel, corner o f Main and | A t
Court street. Pall—, I'- - ' W *1 ' 'regon
WILSON & BAY.
th o
M oat
R e a s o n a b le
UPHOLSTERED WORK. ALBUM PICTURE FRAMES.
WALL 6RACKEr S. AND WINDOW SHADES.
R a te« !
•--------
U
C o n - e } « n e e o f j o in m e re ia i m en a s p e c ia lly .
Drugs, Patent Medicines,
S T A T IO N E R Y ,
THE
BELT
ROW ELL & SON,
B1 acksmiths,
We also keep a large and well selected stock of
C a sk e ts
In d e p e n d e n c e . O r e jó n .
and
C ases
on
hand,
W hich we will furnish at Itedueed Priem.
CIGARS ANDgTOBACCOS.
0 1 1 *0 0 1 «
A l l k in d « o f W o r k in onr lin e done
on S h o rt N o tic e .
H O U SE f
P .'.T K R » O O K . ................................ H e o r r i b t »R
Perfumery, Fancy and Toilet Articles.
0
’ E K E E P A CO M PLETE STOCK IN O C R LIN K
and will Bell as cheap as the same goo«ls can he
ie I'urtlan I Do uut take our ward er other peoples
word for it, but coin : a d see our goods and learn our
prices.
B U R N II A M O R R IS O N . P r o p ra.
PERRYDALE
I,
T
H F .B C L T R O t'ftE H A S C H A N O C D H A N D » A N D j
will be rua a» a first class house in every rcepeet
on M A IN BTKKET. two doors north of
V aiduye & Hinith,
I % I» K P K S l> U \ I F .
DALLAS CITY MILLS, JO H N
«
E. SMITH,
SALLAS, C2.Z80U,
WILSON & HOLMAN, PROPRIETORS.
D ALLAS,
OREGON.
X S O W R E A D Y TO IS , A L L k I S D S OF
S tock »»,«* W>-fk In t4.Hr 11 ih * 1 4 b u rin «» ,n II.«
iu l» n a H .n t h * li»» nn.1 1 « II.» pinn
1 <™
nl their ah. ,, » h . n . i f , » rk i» w o it* l I»,
_
Onr ,h..p 1» »t l b . Ell, boro k » . « Boor
~ «t Bum . A M.-rrinon-« llrorr «»> 1»
thank you for your custom in the post and hope
111
the
the W future
w e are
in continue
continue w
e same in SO
E L L A RON
fi
truly,
tilas.
No ovember 34. 1882
AUCTIONEER
And County Surveyor.
o u u
Having purchased tbe abeve mills, we are now ie :,
pared to do all kinds of
».
W i l d - ATTEND TO HIS BOSCWSS IN ,
any p e r t o f tha county p r o m p t ly . «e J lb if
O E N E n A L
Cris t and C u s to m Work
Promptly and in a satisfactory manner
D allas
W IL S O N
Oregon. Jan 5. 1K3
M ONEY TC
w . P WEIGHT.
D a lla »
Better to hope, though the clouds hang
low,
And to keep the eyes still lifted;
For the sweet blue sky will soon peep
through
When the ominous oh uds are shifted.
There was never a night without a day,
Nor an evening without a morning:
And t e darkest hour, the proverb goes,
Is the hour before the dawning.
There is mail) a gem in the path o f life,
Which we pass in our idle pleasure,
That is richer far than the jeweled crown
Jr the miser’s hoarded treasuro;
It may be the love of a littlo child,
Or a mother’» prayer to Haaven,
Or only a beggar’s grateful thanks
For a cup of water given.
Better to weave r> the web of life
A bright and gulden filling,
And to do G od’s will with a ready heart
And hands that are swift and willing,
Than to snap the delicate silver threads
Of our curious lives asunder;
And then blame Heaven for the tangled
ends
And to sit and grieve and wonder.
BY THE SEA.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
-A N D
THE GOLDEN BIDE.
There ie many u rest ou the road o f life,
If we would only »top to take it:
And many a tone from the better land,
If the queralous heart would wake it.
To the sunny aoul that is full o f hope,
And whose beautiful trust n’er faileth.
The grass is green and the flower« are
bright
Though the wintry storm prevaileth.
Give us a call
A HOLM AN.
HU I k Stimi!Mi.
LO A N I
W e b a r : m me» to 1 m a on approved Real Estate
Security, in sums from
On«* to Ten Thousand Dollars.
Time : i From one to ft»« years;
Truitt
Augiit 74 1 »
Term«
M bs .
T w o d o o r s n o r t h o l' P e s t o n i c e -
Eaey
All Work Warranted.
When Cant Thompson built a mod
est Beasido dwolling he had no end of
wife’s sisters coming to stay with
him. He liked it, or them—some of
them. If only one of them would
come at a time! He was too old to
enjoy the stiff breeze such a company
created. He preferred Bella. 1 pre
fer her myself. She may be twenty-
six; a sensible, gracious woman.
Where pretty sister’s are, somebody’s
nice brothers will be. Older men and
graver came to smoke with the cap
tain.
On» of them was a certain
Royal McMillan, who, from a crude
youth, had mellowed into a rare kind
of man, they said who knew. Tho
tide in his affairs that leads to fortune
had not long been flood; but he took
frequent periods o f what more am
bitious men would call spendthrift
recreation. Being a homeless man,
without ties, he was easily persuaded
by merry-hearted Mrs. Thompson to
stay with them awhile; then another
while; then all tbe while he pleased.
Ho was certainly a pillar o f support
where the girls were concerned, one
to whom nothing was a trouble or a
difficulty—a born man of affairs. Tho
girls, admiring his stately figure,
charming temper, and - the income,
were inclined to love him also; even
tho more, when he evidently detected
this disposition and was amused by
it. Bu': at last drawn oft' in other
ways, they left him to himself, un
less, when he now and then fell to the
companionship of Bella, who cha
peroned the parties when Mrs.
Thompson did not go.
Well, as they knew tach other it
was a rare oceurrence to be walk
ing, as they were a certain superb
morning, on tbe hard sand, the long,
green rollers breaking twenty feet
away at their right, five miles before
them of delightful footing, the light
house the goal. They wore friendly
enough to talk or not, as they pleased,
and as Bella was the only one who
had not sought or avoided him, he
felt easy in her presence; so easy that,
like his old jackot, he didn’t think
about it.
At first they talked of-th o West,
and McMillian, who was sometimes
retrospective, when he could get any
one to listen, had been rather unmer
ciful in anecdotes o f his boyhood,
when he suddenly broke a long si
lence by saying:
“ Is there anything more idiotic
than the behavior of two people tin
der tli# delusion called love? Look
at tho couple beforo us.
They have
forgotten we are behind; or, do they
suppose they are acting like civilized
people?”
“ An old maid is idyllic,” she said.
“ To me it is touching.” But she sud
denly gave a suppresed exclamation
of contagious mirth, in which he
joined.
“ Is it anything particular, Miss
Summers?”
“ I was reminded o f something.”
“ So was I ; do you know I feel con
victed by secret guilt. I saspect we
have both been fools.
If you will
not laugh much, I should like to tell
a kind of adventure of my own.”
" I can sympathize to any extent in
a romance.”
"I suppose you will call it a ro
mance.
I wonder myself how it
could have happened. It was at the
Centennial.
I had been lounging
about tho grounds all day— I delight
ed iu the people and was resting on
a shady bench, when there appeared
a remarkable pair—father and daugh
ter, I concluded. They, too, sat down
to rest.
He was a distinguished
looking man, with white mustache;
she was the most beautiful girl I ever
saw in my life.
Your pretty sister
Eve reminds me of her sometimes;
but this was a creature divine. I sat
and devoured her with my \V«*stern
gaze, while her companion asked me
some questions.
And when she
turned her eyes fulFon mine, as she
did, presently. I went down -under
the waters.” He stopped.
“ G o on,” said she.
“ May I have a cigar. Miss Sum
mere?”
“ I was going to suggest it.”
“ Well, I do not knew how to go on
without giving you the idea that she
was to«' easily w< ¡oed. You Northern
women are so frosty, and perhaps
you cannot understand?”
“ I do, perfectly.”
"I was able to Is* of siiroe service to
her guardian and we were constantly
together after that first day.
He
8 «><>n found out all about me, and lie
even left her with me for hours. I
reached a desperate point that week.”
“ Did yon not know her name?”
“ The old gentleman gave me his
card, and though I have it vet I have
never lieen able to read that name.
It was a foreign one, and scrawled
abominably.
I said something as
near it as I conld get, and was never
corrected.
She took the card and
wrote *Sybvlla;' and Hybylla I called
tier. I made a few attempts to find
out aliont them; lint onr time was
short, ami she plainly told me she
did not wish me to know who they
were. I was to take tbs present and
be patient. It was useless to love
her, she said; she was bon nil by «>b-
ligations she conld not break. If I
woultl be obedient, she would explain
NOW LAUGH.
before we parted. So one day we
Sacred
hitus—monks.
left Monsieur sitting in the Spanish
Popular nobleman— Sir Loin Steak.
office, and with his consent went
rambling off by ourselves.
Tbe shad's m otto- Pro Publico
“ She was studyiug to be a singer. Bono.
She bad u voice that promised to be
Lady Dixie saw a mouse. All is
a fortune. Her step-father was edu explained.
eating her as a speculation, I think,
A trembling right hand gets left
and was taking care of her family.
on the writa
Sho had signed papers binding her to
The dude has two watch chains and
certain promises. Any consideration
of love was a breach o f contract. I no watch.
The flowers are about ready for
must 6 ee it would distract her: for
that reason I must know nothing spring openings.
about her. She was ambitious and
What chums Tildeu and Methuse-
believed she had a magnificent future luh will be some day.
before her; and I believed it too.
A bail fellow is well met by sun
When the goal was reached, she 3 aid, shine.
if I wished, she would send mo word.
Many of the things left unsaid are
I saw she was right; but I was hu
man and miserable, and— how sweet best.
That which is generally believed is
and tender sho was!”
“And is that the end?" asked Bella, generally true.
A good round of beef does not
who was thinking she was must seem
very old and aunt like to this man, or shorten tbe round o f life.
he would never have confided so fool
Most of the stories about infernal
ish an escapade.
machines are infernal lies.
“ I have never seen her since.”
The man who never changes his
“ You are still expecting it?”
mind is apt to grow monotonous
“ I do not know what 1 expect. I
The early cherry catches the worm
have been to Europe three times. I
have heard every debutante. She and gets caught by the robin.
Eve was the first maid. This, how
was seventeen, or so, and of the kiml
of beauty that might be of any age. ever. does not break the rib theory.
The world would be riugiDg with her
The rnau who spares the rod will
name if she were before it.”
not spoil the fishing.
“ You would know her again?”
Cash in trade means sixty days for
“ Know her!” ho exclaimed, looking the rich man, and immediately on the
down at her. "How strange a ques spot for the poor man.
tion. Here is the hulk of an old
The "Autocrat o f the Breakfast
boat, Miss Summers; you look flushed
Table” is spoken of as a rare book,
and tired. W ill you sit down? I do
and yet it is well done.
not dare ask you what you think
Every public enterprise needs the
about this piece of foolishness.”
“ It is just that, isn’t it?” Then he cooperation of hotel keepers. The
looked disappointed. “ It is very pret hotel keeper is a host in himself.
A man of pluck—a pickpocket?
ty, you know." That was not what
sue wished to say, either, so she went
The upper part of tho thermome
on:
ter will soon begin to attract attention.
“ She would be twenty-live or more
An optimist is one who believes an
if sbe is living.”
organ grinder can be a Christian.
"Sho isn't dead!” he exclaimed.
An artistic lawyer can draw a con
“ Thero was a promise about that.
Sh» has married, probably, some elusion with the chain o f circumstan
prince or nobleman.
I have about tial evidence.
Although it appears to be nearing
500 photographs of the great ladies
its end, the Star route trial ought to
abroad; not one is she.”
“ Sbe may have lost her voice; she be expedited.
may be poor with that family she
A Polish novelist boasts of having
told you of, anil too proud, in such a written 590 stories. No wonder Free
case, to send you any message.”
dom shrieked.
"That idea has never occurred to | The Chicago Herald iB o f the
me; but I am rich now; I coulil as opinion that Jay Gould will, in all
sume any obligations.”
probability, sail his new yacht in
“ I hardly like to suggest it, for it some o f his walerod slock.
may bo a mistake, and cause annoy
Hens may be a little backward on
ance,” Bella began. Sbe turned her
bead so he could not see her face very eggs, but they never fail to come to
clearly. “ But such a person I once the scratch where flowerbeds are con ■
knew about. “ Sbe answers yo.ir de corned.
A correspondent of tho Louisville
scription in some ways—the time, the
age, the voice—but she was ill anil Courier-Journal has made the as
touuding discovery that many of the
lost it.”
orangemen in Florida are Catholics.
“ Not married?”
“ N o; do not be so eager about it,
The Queen’s knee at latest accounts
Mr. McMillan; you are indeed a boy. is a little better, but her physicians
It is only a suggestion which may have forbidden her most gracious
lead to nothing, or worse, to disap majesty to play foot ball.
pointment. You know I have had a
Longfellow said: “ In this world n
good deal of experience, and since man must be either anvil or hammer.”
you have told me the story you must Ho thought nothing of the poor fel
have a little advice, too. She has low between the two.
probably changed in many ways—in
Ail old lady in Albany boasts of
face you may be sure; for such beau
having attended over one hundred
ty ns you ¿»escribe is all light and
funerals last year. Some women
color and goes. You are not the
have a great deal more *fun than
same either.
You have different others.
tastes and opinions. Six years is a
“ No,” he said; “ I suppose Clarence
life time at that age. You were
younger than your years then; you and I will never be friends uguin. I
Lave made your fortune since. Don’t lent him ten dollars yesterday, and
you know Capt. Thompson thinks hereafter I presume we shall meet as
there were never such pumpkin pies strangers.”
The philosopher who wrote the
as his mother used to make, nor such
ginger bread. hui I do we not known axiom: “ Success lives two doors be
ho is unappreciatingly eating better yond,” must have lived out on the
every day o f his life?” He did not prairie, where the houses are 100
miles or more apurt.
seem to heed this wisdom much.
" I shall not be easy until this thing
Tho amateur poet, whose produc
is settled one way or the other. I tions have so often enlivened the
must see for myself. W ill you give blaze of a country editor’s fire, should
me this information ?"
not give up in despair. There is
“ When we reach the house,” she wealth iu store for him at the hands
answered.
of patent medicine proprietors.
“ If you could do it now 1 might be
“ I see there are several editors on
able to leave to night,” he said.
She took tho note book ho had routo for Europe,” remarked a F u l
opened and wrote a few lines in it. ton street man to a friend. “ I wonder
She knew that ho would soon come to why they select this season of tho
a blank wall in his search for the un year for atrip?” “ The crown jewels
of France are to be sold this month,”
known.
“ I was at the Centennial that was the explanatory reply.
month,” sho suggested, gently.
A New Hampshire wild eat sprang
“ Everybody was^I think,” said he, from a tree it a boy and landetl in a
looking out to sea.
kettle of boiling soap. T h f disgust
Bella sighed. “ A cigar is a groat which the animal felt over its faux pas
comfort, isn’t it?” she remnrked; but (and tho rest of its body, for tLat
he did not hoar her; his head was iu matter,) entirely took away its appe
his hands. She, perceiving ho had tite.
forgotten her, let her eyes dwell on
A young politician explained the
him. A light came into them, her
cheeks glowed tho repressed, ro tattered condition of hia trousers to
signed look of a woman grieved his fnther by stating that ho was sit
passed away. Sbp was again eighteen, ting under an apple tree enjoying
and wildly indiscreet. But, yes; she himself, when the farmer’s «log came
would do the same thing just for that along and contented his seat.
week.
he said presently, "shall we
go on?”
When at length the straggling
party reached tho home piazza, M c
Millan said to Bella:
I find I can make the ti o'clock
train, so I'll say good by. I f I have
a guardian angel, that being must
have inspired me to tell you my
story.”
“ Perhaps it was your bad angel,”
said she sedately.
“ You are not encouraging.
Well,
again good by.”
She saw him drive off with Capt.
Thompson, and then locked herself
in her room, anil wept nil the tears
she hod l>eon keeping back since she
parted from him in tho gardens o f
the Centennial.
Would you have told if you had
been she?
O n t h e I n s t a l m e n t P l a n . One
can not only buy everything from a
cook stove to a coffin on tlie weekly
or monthly plan, but a Detroiter has
applied the principle to a still higher
object. A certain young gentleman
interviewed him the other day in re
gard to the hand o f his daughter, and
the father heard hirn out and replied:
“ Well, if Mary is willing and ehali
not object, I intend to give her » 10 ,-
000 as a dowry.”
‘ \\ hat a noble and generous fa
thor!” gasped tho young man.
“ But I shall adopt the installment
plan. ’ continued the father; “ instead
| o f giving her the sura in a lump I
shall pav her »3 per week for 64
years. That, will not only save her
from speculation and lt>ss, but com»
much easier for nn» '—( Detroit Free
Veil,”
''■fR,
1 ri,fe*eion*l o r fc
_______ m
DALLAS, OREGON, SATURDAY, M A Y 20, 1883.
VOL. I X.
•UM CRIPTIOM MUHT BK l'A IU IN ADVANCE.
PRO FESSIO N AL CARDS.
¡•orol DOUOH u .
Devoted to the Best Interests of Polk County in Particular and to the Pacific Coast in General.
• ? 80
.. 1 ff
•to«U Copi«. O m « Yuar
„
“
HI* Miiultia
.
.
Throe Mouth» .
Blugl« Number..........................
The Polk
The Duke o f Cambridge commands
the British camp at Aldershot, his
son Fitz-Georgo runs the brewery
there, and if the Duke can only (jet
the sutler's store for bis brother-in-
law, Frince Took, the fortunes of the
Queen's cousins wiil once more look
bright and promising.
A colored Bible banger and tlieo
logical slung whanger announced bis
text, as follows: “ \\ har de bee be, dnr
be tie honey: whur de lien scratch,
dar lie de bug, 'cept prebioush hen
lias been (Jar an' got dat bug.”
“ We'll bet on tho “ prebious” hen.
A wild-eyed reporter rushed into
the sanctum this morning and in
formed 11 s that although his brand
new baby was bald headed, bad no
teeth, by gum! and was as "homely
as n mud fence stake with bullfrogs,”
yet he loved the little rascal I sitter
than the profession of journalism.
If you want to find a goo i logician,
go to your tailor. The other day one
of these fractions o f the human
I family was overheard to remark: “ I
never ask a gentleman for money.”
“ But suppose be doesn’t pay you?”
“ Well, if he doesn’t pay me within a
reasonable time, I conclude he is
‘ not’ n gentleman- -and then I ask
him.”
A New York lady, while visiting in
the West, had some experience with
a cyclone. While asleep ata friend’s,
the house was blown over and the
lady pinned to the earth by a heavy
rafter. It was supposed that she was
crushed, but when they dug her ont
she opened her eyes and s|ieedily
murmured “ JaDe, I fuel a little un
comfortable, unfasten my corset.”
NO. 20.
T H E BAD BOY.
A tta in t* ti F u n e r a l w it h t h e M in U t e r w h o
I n i t i a t e * H im I n to t h e S e c r e t o f D r iv in g
F a s t I ( o r * e s o n t h e l fo t u l .
“ Well, great Julius Ciesar's bald-
headed ghost what's the matter with
you,” said the grocery man to the
bad boy, as he came into the grocery
on crutches, with one arm in a sling,
one eye blackened, and a strip of
court plaster across one side of his
face. “ Where was tho explosion, or
have you been in a fight? Or has
your pa been giving you what you
deserve, with a club? Here let me
help you. There, sit down ou that
keg o f applejack. Well, by the great
guns, you look as though you had
called somebody a liar. What's the
matter? and the grocery man took
the crutches and stood them up
against the show case.
“ O, there’s not much the matter
with me,” said the boy, in a voice
that sounded all broke up, as he took
a big apple off a basket, and began
peeliDg it with his upper front teeth.
"If you think I am a wreck you
ought to see the minister. They Lad
to carry him home in instalments,
the way they buy sewing machines.
I am all right, but they have got to
stop him up with oakum and tar be
fore he will ever hold water again
“G ood gracious, you have not had
a tight with the minister, have you?
Well, I have said all the time, and I
stick to it, that you would commit a
crime yet, and go to State Prison.
What was the fuss about?” and the
grocery man laid the hatchet out of
the boy’s reach for fear he would get
excited and kill him.
“ O, it want no fuss. It was iu the
way of business. You see the livery
man that I was working for promoted
me. He let me drive a horse to haul
sawdust for bedding, first, and when
he found I was real careful he let me
drive nn express wagon to haul
trunks.
Day before yesterday, I
think it was -(yes, I was in bed all
day yesterday)-ijfiy before j ester-
day there was a funeral, and our
stable furnished the outfit. It was
only a common eleven dollar funeral,
so they let me drive the horse lor
the minister you know, the buggy
that goes ahead o f the hearse. Thoy
gave me au old horse that is thirty
years old, that has not been off a
walk since nine years ago, aud they
told me to give him a loose rein, and
lie would go along all right. It's the
same old horse that used to pace so
fast on the avenue, years ago, but I
didn't know it. Well, I wan’t to
blame. I just let him walk along as
though be was hauling sawdust, and
gave him a loose rein. 80 far as I
was concerned this ^funeral was
goiug to lie conducted 111 a decorous
manner, if we didu’t get back till the
next day. Well, the minister said,
in his regular Sunday school way,
‘My little man, let me tako hold of
the lines,’ and like a darn fool I gave
them to him. Ho slapped the old
horse ou the crupper with the lines,
and then jerked up, anil the old horse
stuck up his off ear, anil then the
hearso driver told the minister to
pull hard and saw on the bit n little,
and the old horse would wake up.
The hearse driver used to drive the
old pacer on the track, and he knew
what he wanted. The minister took
off his black kid gloves and put hiB
umbrella down between us, and
pnlled his hat down tight on his
Lead, and began to pull and saw on
tho bit. The old cripple began to
move along sort of sideways, like a
hog goiDg to war, and tbe minister
pulled some more, and tho hearse
driver, who was right behind, he
said, so you could hear him clear to
Waukesha, ‘ Yo o up,’ anil the old
horse kept going faster, then the
minister thought the procession was
getting to quick, and he pulled
harder, and yelled ‘ who a’ and that
made tho old horse worse, and I
looked through the little window in
the buggy top, behind, and the
driver was laughing, and the min
ister he got pale anil said, ‘my little
man I guess you better drive,’ and I
said ‘Not much Mary Ann, yon
wouldn’t let me ruu this funeral the
way I wanted to, and now you can
boss it, if you will let me get out,’
but there was a street car ahead and
all of a sudden there was au earth
quake, and when I tam o to there
were about six huntlred people pour
ing water down my neck, anti the
hearse was hitched to the fence, and
the hoarse driver was asking if my
log was broke, and a policeman was
fanning the minister with a plug hat
that looked as though it had been
struck by a pile driver, and some
people were huuling our buggy into
the gutter, and some men were try
ing to take the old pacer out of the
windows of the street car, and then
I guess I fainted away agin. O, it
was worse than telescoping a train
loaded with cattle.”
“ W ell, I swan,” said the grocery
man, as he put some eggs in a funnel
shap«iil brown paper for a servant
girl. “ What itid tho minister say
when he came to>”
“ Say! What could he say? He
just yelled ‘ whoa,’ and kept Hawing
with his hands, ns though he was
<lri«Kig. I heard that the |iolieeman
was going to pull him for fast driv
ing, till he found it wus au accident.
They told mo when they carried me
home in a hack, that it was a wonder
everybody was not killed, and when
I got home pa was going to sass me.
until the hearse driver told him it
was the minister that was to blame.
I want to find out if they got the
minister's umbrella back. The last
I see o f it the
umbrella was
running
up his troaser's leg,
and the point come out by the small
of his back. But I am all right, only
my shoulder sprained, and my legs
bruised, and my eye black. I will lie
all right, and shall go to work to
morrow, 'cause the livery man says 1
was the only one in the crowd that
had any sense. I understand the
minister is going to take a vacation
on account gif lua liver and nervous
prostration. I would if I was him. I
naver »aw a man that hail nervous
prostration any more than he did
N o iWvUtlon from Ik* ,
toro, o l * u ad.orttMr.
T n o a lu ii ta d U a l
or Ant. u d 50 omiu fur ,
h> foruur IN A D V ALT
rollon
h
when they fished him
barbed wire fence, after
the street car. But
minister business with me»
drive for no more preachers.
I want is a quiet party th
go on a w alV ’ and the
and Uopped on one foot
crutches, filling hia pistol j
figs as he hobled along.
“ Well, sir,” said the g ro w
as he took a chew o f tobacoo <
pail, and offered some to
knowing that it was the only i
the store the boy would not
“ D o you know I think aome o f
ministers have about aa little
on worldly matters,
Now, the idea of that man „
an old pacer. It don’t
difference if (he pacer
years old, he would
jerked on.”
“Yon bet,” aaid
his crutches under hia' a
started for the door. “ A minister
may be sound on the Atonement, bat
he don't want to saw on an old pacer.
He may have the subject o f infant
baptism down finer than* a cambric
needle, but if he has ever been to
college, he ought to have learned
enough not to say ~ja up!’ to an old
pacer that has been the boss o f the
road in his lime. A minister may be
endowed with sublime power to draw
sinners to repentance, and make them
feel like getting up and dusting for
the beautiful beyond, and cause them
by his eloquence, to see angels bright
anil fair in their dreams, andchanota
dying through the pearly gates and
down the golden streets o f the New
Jerusalem, but he wants to tarn ont
for a street car all the same, when he
is driving a 2:20 pacer. The next
time I drive a minister to a funeral,
he will walk,” and the boy hobbled
out aud hung out a sign in front of
the grocery, "Smokod d og fish at
halibut prices, good enough for com
pany.’
A CURATE’S ADVENTURE.
A correspondent informs us o f a
romantic incident which has recently
occurred in a prosperous London
suburb. A devoted young High
Chifh'h curate of interesting appear
ance and great popularity in his d is
trict was waited upon by a younL
lady of considerable attraction, bn)
with an air of deep melancholy, and
clad in a somewhat ascetic garb.
After some confusion and the shed
ding of a tear, she revealed to him
that she had ventured to visit him on
a matter deeply affecting her happi
ness, she feared her life. The curate
naturally askflH what it might ke-hnt
after several attempts to /§&¥■>
choked by sobs, she in form /*. Jn
that the matter was one o f siiC n ueep
importance that she could not impart
it except at her own abode, where she
adjured him as her spiritual friend,
by all he held sacred, to visit her.
After some little conversation the
reverend gentleman promised to do
so, and the next day he called at the
addri given him. Then the young
address
lady, with a look of still deeper de
jection and u voice indicative o f
remorse and shame, revealed to him
the fatal secret Sho had conceived
a deep, a passionate love for the
curate himself. She knew, she said,
that her passion was hopeless; he in
his devotion to the Church, for which
sho loved him all the more, hod vowed
himself to a life of celibacy, and she
would resignedly curry her attach
ment to tho grave, which she felt was
not far off. But there was one kind
ness which it was in his power to
grant her, the remembrance o f which
would bring consolation to her dark
and weary path. W ould he. before
they parted for ever, give her one
kiss ? After some timidity and agita
tion, the young curate, touched with
pity, complied. The lady shed an
other tern, bade him adieu in a hollow
iys
afterwards he received a neat little
s
photograph (cabinet
size) of himself kissing the young
lady. Accompanying this was a com
munication from the fair oreatnre
herself that there were 11 more copies,
and that he might have tbe whole
dozen at £50 a piece. Should he not
lie in want of them it was her inten
tion to dispose of them in another
quarter. Negotiations on the subject
are said to be proceeding.
MR. BLAINE'S B0 TH 0OD- .
George Alfred Townsend presents
this in tbe Cincinnati Knquirer: “ I
asked Judge Ewing if he remembered
Blaine coming to Lancaster to inhab
it bis father's house and go to school.
‘ Yes.’ said he, ‘Blaine’s mother was s
sister of Mrs. Ewing’s mother, so
that he was a second cousin o f onr
boyH Blaine was just as frisky and
clever in his boyhood as he has since
been tolented. I remember that be
and Tom Ewing saved ufftheir m on
ey ¿or an excursion to Columbus,
which is thirtv-two miles from Lan
caster. Hugh Ewing was to drive
them, and he was something o f a
martinet, very particular about-ap
pearance and good conduct.
The
Fmggy was good enough for those
days, though I think it had no springs,
anil Tom and Jim Blaine sat back
whilo Hugh took the reins.
When
they got about ten miles ont o f Lan
caster there was a Democratic flag
pole set up at a little town, and Blaine
and Tom Ewing began to make signa
at it with their thumbs to their noees
to express their derision. ‘ You atop
that,’ said Hugh Ewing; t h ia .' _
is known on this road to belong
Senator Ewing, and you must be-
bavo yourself accordingly.’
The
two boys said that they would
make such signs at the Democratic
poles whenever they were minded,
and meant to do the same thing com
ing back again. Hugh Ewing »aid
he would see they did no such thing.
They again declared they meant, <
their return from Columbus, to t
the flag pole.
‘Well,’ said H ugh
Ewing, ‘I'll put you both out o f the
buggy if you do.’ About thia ‘
rabbit ran across the road,
boys jumped down to run
and that disposed o f the
that time.
Scanda! i» what one-half o f the
world takre pleaaure Í
and the other half eqm
believing.