The Polk County Itomizer. POLK COUNTYJTEM1ZKB. __ . - _ ___ IM U K Ü KV Kit Y NATI'K U A Y --------MY--------- % J. H. M oC A IN . M u b n e r ip (l« n K a t e « : «JLpr 75 10 NEW PRICES. NEW GOODS .! V SMIT H, M. D., P H Y S IC IA N AND S U R G E O N Dallas, Oregon. Offl«« on Mill S t, North « f Court House T h e L a r g e s t S t o c k a n d C h eap est G oods ! ! DR. \V. H. R l BULL, D E N T I S T , Dallas, Oregon. A LL WORK DONE IN FIR ST CLASS ST Y L E . OtSc« on« door north of J U. Lee'» White Brick. JOH N T D A L Y N. L. BUTLER D A LY & B U T L E R , F or P eople the P o l k C o u n t y ! of A T T O R N E Y S A T LAW , \\T1LL PRO M PTLY AT T EN D T o A L L f V busiiiess entrusted to them Office on opposite Court Hous«, Dallas LEGAL Mill St. I take pleasure in uunoutniug to the public that my ~~E. J. DAWNE, A T T OR N E Y AT LAW, and Notary Pupllc* SPRING ATTENTION G IVEN |TO CO LL1CTIN G S PECIAL and loaniug money Always prepared to loan from STOCK ! Ta now open and ready for inspection. $105 te |J,WX) on personal or real «state security. OlHeo opposite the the bank, Halom, Ore- in Griswold's .................¡Min*, bui. opposite bank, Halo J. H. TOWNSEND, In M y r n d .e p e n d .e n c © S to re Dallas, Oregon. ON M A IN STREET, OPPOSITE O FFICE Court House. Collections made a specialty THE E. B. SK IPW O R TH , A T T O R N E Y AT LAW, You will find the FIN E ST GOODS and the L A R G E S T ASSORTM ENT of GENERAL MERCHANDISE Kept on Hie West Side o f tho Willamette, outside of Portland. - Notary Public, Albany, Oregon, W I L L P RACTICE IN ALL THE COURTS IN THE T V State. All business entrusted to him promptly at tended to. Otlice in O'Toole'B Block, Broad-Albin St., | M L Pipes Dallas Geo W Belt, Independence. BELT My AT Millinery Department Is complete > 11 every respect and in the hands of a competent Milliner. & PIPES. ATTORNEYS LAW, I V W ill practice in all the Courts of the State. Office up stairs in Court House. OHAB. P. SULLIVAN, Attorney at Law, DALLAS, OREGON. In my Perrydale store You will find a C O M PLE TE ASSORTM ENT of GENERAL MERCHANDISE P rom pt Attention Paid to Rihlitesi«. Suitable for the Country Trade. You will also find a L IN E of O rricE -O n Main Street, two doors uorth o f Pcstoffice Millium of the Latest Styles! DR. J. B. JOHNSON, D e n tis t- H ating returned to Independence to permanently locate, is prepared to da all kinds of dental work. Filling and treating a specialty. Office in Vandi uyn & Smith's new brick, up Btairs. Produce lakcn in EvchaKjfc for Goods at Market rates. Give me a call before purchasing elsowhore, and SEE MY GOODS T R U IT T & JOHNS, and G ET TH E P R IC E S !! Attomeye-at-Law, EZRA D ALLA S, OREGON. O FFICE ON M ILL STREET. NORTH OF COURT House. augltö DR. I T. R ESI D E N T D E N T IS T , Dallas, Oregon. Is that you do yourself justice by buying goods where you can got them the cheapest. (Late o f Eugene City and Sheridan.) Nitro Oxide or Laughing Gas administered. up stairs over II. ’ . Butler's store. D allam , N ov . 17. 1882. PO PPLETO N . ALL I ASK MASON, Oflics Z. F. VAUGHN, I know it is the practice among a great many merchant» to sell a few leading articles at cost, but they must make it up on something else. I intend to strictly adhere to very LO W PRICE?" in everything I off»r for sale, and in M ill- S t r e e t , D a lla s , Watchmaker and Jeweler, DRESS & FANCY GOODS, Watches, Clocks and Sewing Ma chines Repaired. CLOTHING All work Warranted. Z. T. DODSON, M. D.. PHYSICIAN, SURCEON, ----- A N D - OBSTETRICIAN. Haafeiermanently locate«! in Dalian, Oregon Office in Hyde s drug store. novlltf. W . H. HOLMES, Attorney and Counselor at Law, S a lem , O re g o n . J o h n M c D o w e l l Real Estate Furnishing’ Goods, Etc., Etc. There is no doubt or question but I shall sell them very much lower than the same goods have ever been offered in this market. Please to call and price tho goods and you will see that I am in earnest M. M. E L L I S , Agent, S u c c e s s o r to W . C . B r o w n , D ALLA S. OREGON D ALLAS, OREGON. M ARCH 8 . 1883 T >A R T IE S DESIRING TO BUY OR SELL REAL i estate, will do well to consult me. Office two «loon» west o f Jap. R Miller's drug store. J . L. C O L L IN S , A ttorney and Counselor at Law B U R N S & M O R R IS O N . U. M. L IE S LIVERY AND SALE STABLE. D a lla «. SOLICITOR IN CHANCERY. & LAWRENCE, M A W C F A C T t E E R S A N D D E A L E R » IN O regon. H H \ IT IR E . *P I«I\4. HKIIN. A n d a l! k in d s o f H O R 8 K 8 . C A R III A ft KB A N D L IV E R Y BEEN IN PRA< T IC E OF HIS PROFESSION place for about twenty tire years, and will M AS in this attend to all business .... . i Office, opposite the Dallas Hotel, corner o f Main and | A t Court street. Pall—, I'- - ' W *1 ' 'regon WILSON & BAY. th o M oat R e a s o n a b le UPHOLSTERED WORK. ALBUM PICTURE FRAMES. WALL 6RACKEr S. AND WINDOW SHADES. R a te« ! •-------- U C o n - e } « n e e o f j o in m e re ia i m en a s p e c ia lly . Drugs, Patent Medicines, S T A T IO N E R Y , THE BELT ROW ELL & SON, B1 acksmiths, We also keep a large and well selected stock of C a sk e ts In d e p e n d e n c e . O r e jó n . and C ases on hand, W hich we will furnish at Itedueed Priem. CIGARS ANDgTOBACCOS. 0 1 1 *0 0 1 « A l l k in d « o f W o r k in onr lin e done on S h o rt N o tic e . H O U SE f P .'.T K R » O O K . ................................ H e o r r i b t »R Perfumery, Fancy and Toilet Articles. 0 ’ E K E E P A CO M PLETE STOCK IN O C R LIN K and will Bell as cheap as the same goo«ls can he ie I'urtlan I Do uut take our ward er other peoples word for it, but coin : a d see our goods and learn our prices. B U R N II A M O R R IS O N . P r o p ra. PERRYDALE I, T H F .B C L T R O t'ftE H A S C H A N O C D H A N D » A N D j will be rua a» a first class house in every rcepeet on M A IN BTKKET. two doors north of V aiduye & Hinith, I % I» K P K S l> U \ I F . DALLAS CITY MILLS, JO H N « E. SMITH, SALLAS, C2.Z80U, WILSON & HOLMAN, PROPRIETORS. D ALLAS, OREGON. X S O W R E A D Y TO IS , A L L k I S D S OF S tock »»,«* W>-fk In t4.Hr 11 ih * 1 4 b u rin «» ,n II.« iu l» n a H .n t h * li»» nn.1 1 « II.» pinn 1 <™ nl their ah. ,, » h . n . i f , » rk i» w o it* l I», _ Onr ,h..p 1» »t l b . Ell, boro k » . « Boor ~ «t Bum . A M.-rrinon-« llrorr «»> 1» thank you for your custom in the post and hope 111 the the W future w e are in continue continue w e same in SO E L L A RON fi truly, tilas. No ovember 34. 1882 AUCTIONEER And County Surveyor. o u u Having purchased tbe abeve mills, we are now ie :, pared to do all kinds of ». W i l d - ATTEND TO HIS BOSCWSS IN , any p e r t o f tha county p r o m p t ly . «e J lb if O E N E n A L Cris t and C u s to m Work Promptly and in a satisfactory manner D allas W IL S O N Oregon. Jan 5. 1K3 M ONEY TC w . P WEIGHT. D a lla » Better to hope, though the clouds hang low, And to keep the eyes still lifted; For the sweet blue sky will soon peep through When the ominous oh uds are shifted. There was never a night without a day, Nor an evening without a morning: And t e darkest hour, the proverb goes, Is the hour before the dawning. There is mail) a gem in the path o f life, Which we pass in our idle pleasure, That is richer far than the jeweled crown Jr the miser’s hoarded treasuro; It may be the love of a littlo child, Or a mother’» prayer to Haaven, Or only a beggar’s grateful thanks For a cup of water given. Better to weave r> the web of life A bright and gulden filling, And to do G od’s will with a ready heart And hands that are swift and willing, Than to snap the delicate silver threads Of our curious lives asunder; And then blame Heaven for the tangled ends And to sit and grieve and wonder. BY THE SEA. ATTORNEY AT LAW, -A N D THE GOLDEN BIDE. There ie many u rest ou the road o f life, If we would only »top to take it: And many a tone from the better land, If the queralous heart would wake it. To the sunny aoul that is full o f hope, And whose beautiful trust n’er faileth. The grass is green and the flower« are bright Though the wintry storm prevaileth. Give us a call A HOLM AN. HU I k Stimi!Mi. LO A N I W e b a r : m me» to 1 m a on approved Real Estate Security, in sums from On«* to Ten Thousand Dollars. Time : i From one to ft»« years; Truitt Augiit 74 1 » Term« M bs . T w o d o o r s n o r t h o l' P e s t o n i c e - Eaey All Work Warranted. When Cant Thompson built a mod­ est Beasido dwolling he had no end of wife’s sisters coming to stay with him. He liked it, or them—some of them. If only one of them would come at a time! He was too old to enjoy the stiff breeze such a company created. He preferred Bella. 1 pre­ fer her myself. She may be twenty- six; a sensible, gracious woman. Where pretty sister’s are, somebody’s nice brothers will be. Older men and graver came to smoke with the cap­ tain. On» of them was a certain Royal McMillan, who, from a crude youth, had mellowed into a rare kind of man, they said who knew. Tho tide in his affairs that leads to fortune had not long been flood; but he took frequent periods o f what more am bitious men would call spendthrift recreation. Being a homeless man, without ties, he was easily persuaded by merry-hearted Mrs. Thompson to stay with them awhile; then another while; then all tbe while he pleased. Ho was certainly a pillar o f support where the girls were concerned, one to whom nothing was a trouble or a difficulty—a born man of affairs. Tho girls, admiring his stately figure, charming temper, and - the income, were inclined to love him also; even tho more, when he evidently detected this disposition and was amused by it. Bu': at last drawn oft' in other ways, they left him to himself, un­ less, when he now and then fell to the companionship of Bella, who cha­ peroned the parties when Mrs. Thompson did not go. Well, as they knew tach other it was a rare oceurrence to be walk­ ing, as they were a certain superb morning, on tbe hard sand, the long, green rollers breaking twenty feet away at their right, five miles before them of delightful footing, the light­ house the goal. They wore friendly enough to talk or not, as they pleased, and as Bella was the only one who had not sought or avoided him, he felt easy in her presence; so easy that, like his old jackot, he didn’t think about it. At first they talked of-th o West, and McMillian, who was sometimes retrospective, when he could get any one to listen, had been rather unmer­ ciful in anecdotes o f his boyhood, when he suddenly broke a long si­ lence by saying: “ Is there anything more idiotic than the behavior of two people tin der tli# delusion called love? Look at tho couple beforo us. They have forgotten we are behind; or, do they suppose they are acting like civilized people?” “ An old maid is idyllic,” she said. “ To me it is touching.” But she sud­ denly gave a suppresed exclamation of contagious mirth, in which he joined. “ Is it anything particular, Miss Summers?” “ I was reminded o f something.” “ So was I ; do you know I feel con ­ victed by secret guilt. I saspect we have both been fools. If you will not laugh much, I should like to tell a kind of adventure of my own.” " I can sympathize to any extent in a romance.” "I suppose you will call it a ro­ mance. I wonder myself how it could have happened. It was at the Centennial. I had been lounging about tho grounds all day— I delight­ ed iu the people and was resting on a shady bench, when there appeared a remarkable pair—father and daugh­ ter, I concluded. They, too, sat down to rest. He was a distinguished looking man, with white mustache; she was the most beautiful girl I ever saw in my life. Your pretty sister Eve reminds me of her sometimes; but this was a creature divine. I sat and devoured her with my \V«*stern gaze, while her companion asked me some questions. And when she turned her eyes fulFon mine, as she did, presently. I went down -under the waters.” He stopped. “ G o on,” said she. “ May I have a cigar. Miss Sum mere?” “ I was going to suggest it.” “ Well, I do not knew how to go on without giving you the idea that she was to«' easily w< ¡oed. You Northern women are so frosty, and perhaps you cannot understand?” “ I do, perfectly.” "I was able to Is* of siiroe service to her guardian and we were constantly together after that first day. He 8 «><>n found out all about me, and lie even left her with me for hours. I reached a desperate point that week.” “ Did yon not know her name?” “ The old gentleman gave me his card, and though I have it vet I have never lieen able to read that name. It was a foreign one, and scrawled abominably. I said something as near it as I conld get, and was never corrected. She took the card and wrote *Sybvlla;' and Hybylla I called tier. I made a few attempts to find out aliont them; lint onr time was short, ami she plainly told me she did not wish me to know who they were. I was to take tbs present and be patient. It was useless to love her, she said; she was bon nil by «>b- ligations she conld not break. If I woultl be obedient, she would explain NOW LAUGH. before we parted. So one day we Sacred hitus—monks. left Monsieur sitting in the Spanish Popular nobleman— Sir Loin Steak. office, and with his consent went rambling off by ourselves. Tbe shad's m otto- Pro Publico “ She was studyiug to be a singer. Bono. She bad u voice that promised to be Lady Dixie saw a mouse. All is a fortune. Her step-father was edu explained. eating her as a speculation, I think, A trembling right hand gets left and was taking care of her family. on the writa Sho had signed papers binding her to The dude has two watch chains and certain promises. Any consideration of love was a breach o f contract. I no watch. The flowers are about ready for must 6 ee it would distract her: for that reason I must know nothing spring openings. about her. She was ambitious and What chums Tildeu and Methuse- believed she had a magnificent future luh will be some day. before her; and I believed it too. A bail fellow is well met by sun­ When the goal was reached, she 3 aid, shine. if I wished, she would send mo word. Many of the things left unsaid are I saw she was right; but I was hu man and miserable, and— how sweet best. That which is generally believed is and tender sho was!” “And is that the end?" asked Bella, generally true. A good round of beef does not who was thinking she was must seem very old and aunt like to this man, or shorten tbe round o f life. he would never have confided so fool­ Most of the stories about infernal ish an escapade. machines are infernal lies. “ I have never seen her since.” The man who never changes his “ You are still expecting it?” mind is apt to grow monotonous “ I do not know what 1 expect. I The early cherry catches the worm have been to Europe three times. I have heard every debutante. She and gets caught by the robin. Eve was the first maid. This, how­ was seventeen, or so, and of the kiml of beauty that might be of any age. ever. does not break the rib theory. The world would be riugiDg with her The rnau who spares the rod will name if she were before it.” not spoil the fishing. “ You would know her again?” Cash in trade means sixty days for “ Know her!” ho exclaimed, looking the rich man, and immediately on the down at her. "How strange a ques spot for the poor man. tion. Here is the hulk of an old The "Autocrat o f the Breakfast boat, Miss Summers; you look flushed Table” is spoken of as a rare book, and tired. W ill you sit down? I do and yet it is well done. not dare ask you what you think Every public enterprise needs the about this piece of foolishness.” “ It is just that, isn’t it?” Then he cooperation of hotel keepers. The looked disappointed. “ It is very pret­ hotel keeper is a host in himself. A man of pluck—a pickpocket? ty, you know." That was not what sue wished to say, either, so she went The upper part of tho thermome­ on: ter will soon begin to attract attention. “ She would be twenty-live or more An optimist is one who believes an if sbe is living.” organ grinder can be a Christian. "Sho isn't dead!” he exclaimed. An artistic lawyer can draw a con “ Thero was a promise about that. Sh» has married, probably, some elusion with the chain o f circumstan­ prince or nobleman. I have about tial evidence. Although it appears to be nearing 500 photographs of the great ladies its end, the Star route trial ought to abroad; not one is she.” “ Sbe may have lost her voice; she be expedited. may be poor with that family she A Polish novelist boasts of having told you of, anil too proud, in such a written 590 stories. No wonder Free­ case, to send you any message.” dom shrieked. "That idea has never occurred to | The Chicago Herald iB o f the me; but I am rich now; I coulil as­ opinion that Jay Gould will, in all sume any obligations.” probability, sail his new yacht in “ I hardly like to suggest it, for it some o f his walerod slock. may bo a mistake, and cause annoy­ Hens may be a little backward on ance,” Bella began. Sbe turned her bead so he could not see her face very eggs, but they never fail to come to clearly. “ But such a person I once the scratch where flowerbeds are con ■ knew about. “ Sbe answers yo.ir de­ corned. A correspondent of tho Louisville scription in some ways—the time, the age, the voice—but she was ill anil Courier-Journal has made the as touuding discovery that many of the lost it.” orangemen in Florida are Catholics. “ Not married?” “ N o; do not be so eager about it, The Queen’s knee at latest accounts Mr. McMillan; you are indeed a boy. is a little better, but her physicians It is only a suggestion which may have forbidden her most gracious lead to nothing, or worse, to disap­ majesty to play foot ball. pointment. You know I have had a Longfellow said: “ In this world n good deal of experience, and since man must be either anvil or hammer.” you have told me the story you must Ho thought nothing of the poor fel­ have a little advice, too. She has low between the two. probably changed in many ways—in Ail old lady in Albany boasts of face you may be sure; for such beau­ having attended over one hundred ty ns you ¿»escribe is all light and funerals last year. Some women color and goes. You are not the have a great deal more *fun than same either. You have different others. tastes and opinions. Six years is a “ No,” he said; “ I suppose Clarence life time at that age. You were younger than your years then; you and I will never be friends uguin. I Lave made your fortune since. Don’t lent him ten dollars yesterday, and you know Capt. Thompson thinks hereafter I presume we shall meet as there were never such pumpkin pies strangers.” The philosopher who wrote the as his mother used to make, nor such ginger bread. hui I do we not known axiom: “ Success lives two doors be­ ho is unappreciatingly eating better yond,” must have lived out on the every day o f his life?” He did not prairie, where the houses are 100 miles or more apurt. seem to heed this wisdom much. " I shall not be easy until this thing Tho amateur poet, whose produc­ is settled one way or the other. I tions have so often enlivened the must see for myself. W ill you give blaze of a country editor’s fire, should me this information ?" not give up in despair. There is “ When we reach the house,” she wealth iu store for him at the hands answered. of patent medicine proprietors. “ If you could do it now 1 might be “ I see there are several editors on able to leave to night,” he said. She took tho note book ho had routo for Europe,” remarked a F u l­ opened and wrote a few lines in it. ton street man to a friend. “ I wonder She knew that ho would soon come to why they select this season of tho a blank wall in his search for the un­ year for atrip?” “ The crown jewels of France are to be sold this month,” known. “ I was at the Centennial that was the explanatory reply. month,” sho suggested, gently. A New Hampshire wild eat sprang “ Everybody was^I think,” said he, from a tree it a boy and landetl in a looking out to sea. kettle of boiling soap. T h f disgust Bella sighed. “ A cigar is a groat which the animal felt over its faux pas comfort, isn’t it?” she remnrked; but (and tho rest of its body, for tLat he did not hoar her; his head was iu matter,) entirely took away its appe­ his hands. She, perceiving ho had tite. forgotten her, let her eyes dwell on A young politician explained the him. A light came into them, her cheeks glowed tho repressed, ro tattered condition of hia trousers to signed look of a woman grieved his fnther by stating that ho was sit­ passed away. Sbp was again eighteen, ting under an apple tree enjoying and wildly indiscreet. But, yes; she himself, when the farmer’s «log came would do the same thing just for that along and contented his seat. week. he said presently, "shall we go on?” When at length the straggling party reached tho home piazza, M c­ Millan said to Bella: I find I can make the ti o'clock train, so I'll say good by. I f I have a guardian angel, that being must have inspired me to tell you my story.” “ Perhaps it was your bad angel,” said she sedately. “ You are not encouraging. Well, again good by.” She saw him drive off with Capt. Thompson, and then locked herself in her room, anil wept nil the tears she hod l>eon keeping back since she parted from him in tho gardens o f the Centennial. Would you have told if you had been she? O n t h e I n s t a l m e n t P l a n . One can not only buy everything from a cook stove to a coffin on tlie weekly or monthly plan, but a Detroiter has applied the principle to a still higher object. A certain young gentleman interviewed him the other day in re gard to the hand o f his daughter, and the father heard hirn out and replied: “ Well, if Mary is willing and ehali not object, I intend to give her » 10 ,- 000 as a dowry.” ‘ \\ hat a noble and generous fa thor!” gasped tho young man. “ But I shall adopt the installment plan. ’ continued the father; “ instead | o f giving her the sura in a lump I shall pav her »3 per week for 64 years. That, will not only save her from speculation and lt>ss, but com» much easier for nn» '—( Detroit Free Veil,” ''■fR, 1 ri,fe*eion*l o r fc _______ m DALLAS, OREGON, SATURDAY, M A Y 20, 1883. VOL. I X. •UM CRIPTIOM MUHT BK l'A IU IN ADVANCE. PRO FESSIO N AL CARDS. ¡•orol DOUOH u . Devoted to the Best Interests of Polk County in Particular and to the Pacific Coast in General. • ? 80 .. 1 ff •to«U Copi«. O m « Yuar „ “ HI* Miiultia . . Throe Mouth» . Blugl« Number.......................... The Polk The Duke o f Cambridge commands the British camp at Aldershot, his son Fitz-Georgo runs the brewery there, and if the Duke can only (jet the sutler's store for bis brother-in- law, Frince Took, the fortunes of the Queen's cousins wiil once more look bright and promising. A colored Bible banger and tlieo logical slung whanger announced bis text, as follows: “ \\ har de bee be, dnr be tie honey: whur de lien scratch, dar lie de bug, 'cept prebioush hen lias been (Jar an' got dat bug.” “ We'll bet on tho “ prebious” hen. A wild-eyed reporter rushed into the sanctum this morning and in formed 11 s that although his brand new baby was bald headed, bad no teeth, by gum! and was as "homely as n mud fence stake with bullfrogs,” yet he loved the little rascal I sitter than the profession of journalism. If you want to find a goo i logician, go to your tailor. The other day one of these fractions o f the human I family was overheard to remark: “ I never ask a gentleman for money.” “ But suppose be doesn’t pay you?” “ Well, if he doesn’t pay me within a reasonable time, I conclude he is ‘ not’ n gentleman- -and then I ask him.” A New York lady, while visiting in the West, had some experience with a cyclone. While asleep ata friend’s, the house was blown over and the lady pinned to the earth by a heavy rafter. It was supposed that she was crushed, but when they dug her ont she opened her eyes and s|ieedily murmured “ JaDe, I fuel a little un comfortable, unfasten my corset.” NO. 20. T H E BAD BOY. A tta in t* ti F u n e r a l w it h t h e M in U t e r w h o I n i t i a t e * H im I n to t h e S e c r e t o f D r iv in g F a s t I ( o r * e s o n t h e l fo t u l . “ Well, great Julius Ciesar's bald- headed ghost what's the matter with you,” said the grocery man to the bad boy, as he came into the grocery on crutches, with one arm in a sling, one eye blackened, and a strip of court plaster across one side of his face. “ Where was tho explosion, or have you been in a fight? Or has your pa been giving you what you deserve, with a club? Here let me help you. There, sit down ou that keg o f applejack. Well, by the great guns, you look as though you had called somebody a liar. What's the matter? and the grocery man took the crutches and stood them up against the show case. “ O, there’s not much the matter with me,” said the boy, in a voice that sounded all broke up, as he took a big apple off a basket, and began peeliDg it with his upper front teeth. "If you think I am a wreck you ought to see the minister. They Lad to carry him home in instalments, the way they buy sewing machines. I am all right, but they have got to stop him up with oakum and tar be­ fore he will ever hold water again “G ood gracious, you have not had a tight with the minister, have you? Well, I have said all the time, and I stick to it, that you would commit a crime yet, and go to State Prison. What was the fuss about?” and the grocery man laid the hatchet out of the boy’s reach for fear he would get excited and kill him. “ O, it want no fuss. It was iu the way of business. You see the livery man that I was working for promoted me. He let me drive a horse to haul sawdust for bedding, first, and when he found I was real careful he let me drive nn express wagon to haul trunks. Day before yesterday, I think it was -(yes, I was in bed all day yesterday)-ijfiy before j ester- day there was a funeral, and our stable furnished the outfit. It was only a common eleven dollar funeral, so they let me drive the horse lor the minister you know, the buggy that goes ahead o f the hearse. Thoy gave me au old horse that is thirty years old, that has not been off a walk since nine years ago, aud they told me to give him a loose rein, and lie would go along all right. It's the same old horse that used to pace so fast on the avenue, years ago, but I didn't know it. Well, I wan’t to blame. I just let him walk along as though be was hauling sawdust, and gave him a loose rein. 80 far as I was concerned this ^funeral was goiug to lie conducted 111 a decorous manner, if we didu’t get back till the next day. Well, the minister said, in his regular Sunday school way, ‘My little man, let me tako hold of the lines,’ and like a darn fool I gave them to him. Ho slapped the old horse ou the crupper with the lines, and then jerked up, anil the old horse stuck up his off ear, anil then the hearso driver told the minister to pull hard and saw on the bit n little, and the old horse would wake up. The hearse driver used to drive the old pacer on the track, and he knew what he wanted. The minister took off his black kid gloves and put hiB umbrella down between us, and pnlled his hat down tight on his Lead, and began to pull and saw on tho bit. The old cripple began to move along sort of sideways, like a hog goiDg to war, and tbe minister pulled some more, and tho hearse driver, who was right behind, he said, so you could hear him clear to Waukesha, ‘ Yo o up,’ anil the old horse kept going faster, then the minister thought the procession was getting to quick, and he pulled harder, and yelled ‘ who a’ and that made tho old horse worse, and I looked through the little window in the buggy top, behind, and the driver was laughing, and the min ister he got pale anil said, ‘my little man I guess you better drive,’ and I said ‘Not much Mary Ann, yon wouldn’t let me ruu this funeral the way I wanted to, and now you can boss it, if you will let me get out,’ but there was a street car ahead and all of a sudden there was au earth quake, and when I tam o to there were about six huntlred people pour­ ing water down my neck, anti the hearse was hitched to the fence, and the hoarse driver was asking if my log was broke, and a policeman was fanning the minister with a plug hat that looked as though it had been struck by a pile driver, and some people were huuling our buggy into the gutter, and some men were try­ ing to take the old pacer out of the windows of the street car, and then I guess I fainted away agin. O, it was worse than telescoping a train loaded with cattle.” “ W ell, I swan,” said the grocery man, as he put some eggs in a funnel shap«iil brown paper for a servant girl. “ What itid tho minister say when he came to>” “ Say! What could he say? He just yelled ‘ whoa,’ and kept Hawing with his hands, ns though he was foruur IN A D V ALT rollon h when they fished him barbed wire fence, after the street car. But minister business with me» drive for no more preachers. I want is a quiet party th go on a w alV ’ and the and Uopped on one foot crutches, filling hia pistol j figs as he hobled along. “ Well, sir,” said the g ro w as he took a chew o f tobacoo < pail, and offered some to knowing that it was the only i the store the boy would not “ D o you know I think aome o f ministers have about aa little on worldly matters, Now, the idea of that man „ an old pacer. It don’t difference if (he pacer years old, he would jerked on.” “Yon bet,” aaid his crutches under hia' a started for the door. “ A minister may be sound on the Atonement, bat he don't want to saw on an old pacer. He may have the subject o f infant baptism down finer than* a cambric needle, but if he has ever been to college, he ought to have learned enough not to say ~ja up!’ to an old pacer that has been the boss o f the road in his lime. A minister may be endowed with sublime power to draw sinners to repentance, and make them feel like getting up and dusting for the beautiful beyond, and cause them by his eloquence, to see angels bright anil fair in their dreams, andchanota dying through the pearly gates and down the golden streets o f the New Jerusalem, but he wants to tarn ont for a street car all the same, when he is driving a 2:20 pacer. The next time I drive a minister to a funeral, he will walk,” and the boy hobbled out aud hung out a sign in front of the grocery, "Smokod d og fish at halibut prices, good enough for com­ pany.’ A CURATE’S ADVENTURE. A correspondent informs us o f a romantic incident which has recently occurred in a prosperous London suburb. A devoted young High Chifh'h curate of interesting appear­ ance and great popularity in his d is­ trict was waited upon by a younL lady of considerable attraction, bn) with an air of deep melancholy, and clad in a somewhat ascetic garb. After some confusion and the shed­ ding of a tear, she revealed to him that she had ventured to visit him on a matter deeply affecting her happi­ ness, she feared her life. The curate naturally askflH what it might ke-hnt after several attempts to /§&¥■> choked by sobs, she in form /*. Jn that the matter was one o f siiC n ueep importance that she could not impart it except at her own abode, where she adjured him as her spiritual friend, by all he held sacred, to visit her. After some little conversation the reverend gentleman promised to do so, and the next day he called at the addri given him. Then the young address lady, with a look of still deeper de­ jection and u voice indicative o f remorse and shame, revealed to him the fatal secret Sho had conceived a deep, a passionate love for the curate himself. She knew, she said, that her passion was hopeless; he in his devotion to the Church, for which sho loved him all the more, hod vowed himself to a life of celibacy, and she would resignedly curry her attach­ ment to tho grave, which she felt was not far off. But there was one kind­ ness which it was in his power to grant her, the remembrance o f which would bring consolation to her dark and weary path. W ould he. before they parted for ever, give her one kiss ? After some timidity and agita­ tion, the young curate, touched with pity, complied. The lady shed an­ other tern, bade him adieu in a hollow iys afterwards he received a neat little s photograph (cabinet size) of himself kissing the young lady. Accompanying this was a com munication from the fair oreatnre herself that there were 11 more copies, and that he might have tbe whole dozen at £50 a piece. Should he not lie in want of them it was her inten­ tion to dispose of them in another quarter. Negotiations on the subject are said to be proceeding. MR. BLAINE'S B0 TH 0OD- . George Alfred Townsend presents this in tbe Cincinnati Knquirer: “ I asked Judge Ewing if he remembered Blaine coming to Lancaster to inhab­ it bis father's house and go to school. ‘ Yes.’ said he, ‘Blaine’s mother was s sister of Mrs. Ewing’s mother, so that he was a second cousin o f onr boyH Blaine was just as frisky and clever in his boyhood as he has since been tolented. I remember that be and Tom Ewing saved ufftheir m on­ ey ¿or an excursion to Columbus, which is thirtv-two miles from Lan­ caster. Hugh Ewing was to drive them, and he was something o f a martinet, very particular about-ap­ pearance and good conduct. The Fmggy was good enough for those days, though I think it had no springs, anil Tom and Jim Blaine sat back whilo Hugh took the reins. When they got about ten miles ont o f Lan caster there was a Democratic flag pole set up at a little town, and Blaine and Tom Ewing began to make signa at it with their thumbs to their noees to express their derision. ‘ You atop that,’ said Hugh Ewing; t h ia .' _ is known on this road to belong Senator Ewing, and you must be- bavo yourself accordingly.’ The two boys said that they would make such signs at the Democratic poles whenever they were minded, and meant to do the same thing com­ ing back again. Hugh Ewing »aid he would see they did no such thing. They again declared they meant, < their return from Columbus, to t the flag pole. ‘Well,’ said H ugh Ewing, ‘I'll put you both out o f the buggy if you do.’ About thia ‘ rabbit ran across the road, boys jumped down to run and that disposed o f the that time. Scanda! i» what one-half o f the world takre pleaaure Í and the other half eqm believing.