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About The Oregon scout. (Union, Union County, Or.) 188?-1918 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 22, 1891)
The Oregon Scout Jones & Chanoey Publishers. UNION, OREGON. A LETTER FROM J. G. lie la Kn nil hit No Motley nml AVrllcn Tniicliliigly I" I'. N. 1IH following pri vnt! letter niiil JI8. linvo just lict'ii re ceived, nml though only biuned with ff"" 2r .-' tl10 i,litinls of 11,0 tiSflL writer, there nro ninny reasons why 1 am led to believe tlmt both nro tho work of nn old friend, Sir. Jay Gould, who is (it prevent in tho coun- i- try where tho let- tor Is dated: 'AFI.OAT O.V TITK JICHITEItllANKAN, I ix tiik Gloaming, IBM. f 'Mr. Wilheltnj Contiguously, World Ofllce, New York, U. H. A. : "Kitt Would you mind using your In fluence In trying to get tho inclosed pieco prinlod in tho Sabbath World nnd send mo -whatever It is worth In currency by registered mail, caro lock box !S)1, Homo Italy! I am not earning anything this winter, being dis abled by neuralgia, and no it has occurred to me that I might write homo pieces for the jKtper, telling of sight and sounds abroad. If you print this letter, or uso your influcnco to that end bo that it gets into tho pa)cr, will you wend mo two or threo copies and I will Iay you in n fuw weeks. Hut, if you do not use it, I wish you would avoid making memo randa on it with a blue pencil, as several other editors havo done, for it nunoys mo very much. "Plcaso do not mako fun of tho pieco if you do not uso it, as I am threatened with heart dlscaso, and anything that makes mo very angry is apt to provo fatal. Atrophy of tho heart is what it is called, and if I ltvo forty-flvo years longer it will bo about all I (---in expect, so plcaso do not mako light of my piece. Fraternally yours, J. G." (Communicated.) For some tlmo wo have lioen Railing o'er tho anrufllcd bosom of the Mediterranean ken. It is a beautiful blieet of water, which has been plowed by many a keel as far back ns history can inform us. It is from t!0 to 00 feeth in depth, anil is well located to do the principal tralllu between Kurojio and Africa, An enormous quantity of water Hows into Hie Mediterranean sen, for n half dozen lurocan rivors contribute to it, and tho At lantic ocean also discharges its woters into this son. And yet, owing to tho hot, dry winds which sweep across from tho sandy wastes of Africa, tho evaporation is very great nnd keeps thu sea from overflowing its 1 winks. This should teach us that even nature tthhors a surplus. 1 would rather bo road .master of a good yacht on the Mediterranean than to live upstaiiw In Now York. We visited Milan not long ago. It is an Inland town whoso southern wall is washed by tho Olona river. Otherwise the placo Is yitirely unlaundored. Milan, prououucid Mo-laun by bearing down hard on tho last syllable, is ii railroad center in northern Italy. It is uight miles in circumference nnd has ramparts around it. Milan jioints with pride to her ramparts. I often think that Now York would Invito moro visitors from broad if she had a better lino of ramparts. Tho nrchitecturu of Milan embraces many tyio, but n good deal of it ismodlmval, with a roof of tho same. Florence, howover, has nine palaces that uro modiuivalcr than those of Milan, I think. Milan used to have -10 churches, but 1 17 of them did not pay nml wero upprehsed by Maria Theresa and Joseph II. Hlneo that other churches that wore doing well a few centuries ago have ooasod to attract, and now thero are not over eighty out of tho original 10, and they hnvo an trouble doing tho whole business. I could luiva purclmsed a controlling interest in thr. e churches horo for $17. Tho cathedral t Milan is first rate in evory resect and is doing well. I sometimes think that it is foolhdi for other churches to try to compete with a cathedral. They may succeed for a -while, but sooner or Inter they will have to acknowledge that they cannot keep It up. livery whoro wo go we Hud the Caucasian race in the osceuduut. I sometimes think that Uio blood of thu Caucasian is mora largely roil and luw u wider circulation than any other. Hut this is u deviation from wliat I was saying. The newer btreots of Naples are quite jiretly, and extend several miles out beyond the town, liko those of Fargo, I). T., where sidewalks several hundred miles in extent -wore built nt thu expense of tho county. In tills wny Fargo had sidewalks that extended for lulled iu every direction through tho neighboring farms, and the county puhl for thorn. Furgo has Iteen striving ever since to live up to her sidewalks. Asldu from this thero is llttlo similarity between Naples nnd Tiirgo. The old streets of Naples nro nar row and crooked, and tho houses uro so high thatiiriH) Mmegrauato dropped from tho roof ou tho plug hut of a passing tourist is jKii'iiiaitently iiiiMJtvd and the hat pros trated. Naples claims to bo the leading lazzaronl srinoyanl of the world. Wo try to imitate lior iu Now York, but wo fail. Wo have ixm-rty onough In New York and tluont, ox "tcnixiraiKous U'ggars as well as moro or less disease, but we havo not been able so fur to unite our jioverty and disease iu such a way as to successfully imitate tho picturesque laxraronl of tho east. Our poor jiooplo iu America are tin) rebuilt and our invalids are too many of them wealthy. Bo long as it is tlmt way Kurojio and Asia will do our hit taroul business iu spite of all wo can do to jirevent it. Wo can got up a fair noelmoii to look at, but it lacks ago nnd tho air of travel as well us tho pleasing malformations peculiar to tho laziaronl bijouterie of tho old world. I Kouu'tlmos think that the reason Naples so long retained her supremacy over other cities iu this lino was largely due to tho stimula tion resulting from too close eoniotltloii be tween Vesuvius and the local talent of thu lavjironi in tho mutter of eruptions. Tho jiopulation of Naples is nearly 600,000, "but tho annual rainfall I havo Ikhmi uuablu to obtain. If I can Hud out In time I will KUid it in my next letter. If you whit to tend mo tho money for this piece and hold Uio article till I can ascertain wliat tho rain fall U you may lo so. J. G, The foregoing is w ritten in such a plain, tralghtforwnrtl way, and contains so much information, that I am in doubt whether Mr. Gould wrote It or not, but iwaslbly ho luu Wn taking something for his memory, Wliether ho has dono so or not, it U safe to my tluit hu has been taking something. The only way to keep Mr. Gould from taluug Kimethlng 1 to iiall it llrmly to tho lloor. In printing tho letter 1 do it to help Mr. Gould, and wUh to statu that I do not hold myself ronlblQ for uny of tho statemenU made therein. Hill Ny i Kw York World. SEVERAL PARISIAN DENS RARE COMBINATIONS OF LUXURY, COMFORT AND CONVENIENCE. Tlie Sanctnm of KrlrntUU. Critics and Literary Genlimcn r World Wide Hep utntlons Where tho llrlgbt I.lgtiU Ite tlre to Do Tliclr Chosen Work. The sanctum of M. Louis Pasteur, for example, is ono of tho most simple in tho high order of truly physical comfort. It is not encumbered with tho scientific paraphernalia often met with in tho houses of medical men. A large carved oak table stands by tho side of the nrm chair in which tho great scientist often sits in quiet contemplation of his past experience and futuro hopes. In that high stack of green cases at which he casts an occasional glance stores of valu ablo notes nro classed in perfect order. They are ready for reference should a fresh problem nri6o in the courso of his labors in bringing about the prevention or cure of that terrible afiliction to tho study of which he has devoted so many years of his valuable and successful life. M. Pasteur usually wears a close litting skull cap when in his sanctum. Ho is grand cross of tho Legion of Honor, mem ber of the French academy and perpetual secretary of tho Academy of Sciences. THE QltKAT TOWr.K ISUII.Dr.lt. M. Gustavo Eiffel, tho engineer whose wonderful popularity has grown so rap idly, is accustomed to ruminate in a quiet looking but very comfortable nor: of library. Ho is fond of walking about when in deep calculation, and frequently makes a halt in front of his admirable chimney piece, tho shelf of which is sur mounted by a very chaste and beautiful female bust. On each side of tho chim ney pieco is n handsomo Veuotian mir ror. It was in thin sanctum, situated in tho Rue do Prony, that M. Gustavo Eiffel solved tho last few serious difficulties which at ono timo threatened tho com pletion of his Champ do Mars triumph; and thero it is that ho now moditatos over tho opposition formed by some of the members of thu municipal council to his project for the construction of tho Metropolitan railway for Paris. Tho main objections to tho metropolitan scheme are that it would destroy tho beauty of tho boulevards and ruin the lino of omnibuses running from tho Madeleino to tho Bastilo. It is not at all unlikely that the engineer who tri umphed so gloriously in tho caso of his tower will nehiovo another victory with ttio railway ho proposes to construct. Tho man of tho iron tower is an officer of tho Legion of Honor. M. Fruiieisquo Sarcey, tho well known theatrical critic of The Temps, and one of the brightest of the galaxy of Pari sian chroniclers, inhabits during his long working hours a library in which ho is almost surrounded by his books. M. Sarcey is beyond what is usually consid ered tho prime of life, yet ho loolcs well as, "with spectacles on nose, and wearing a soft and smooth white board, lie poses himself carefully and closoly over his table in front of tho copy he is carefully preparing. Ho is reputed to bo a model of gallantry toward the la dies; but tho case might bo reversed when it is considered that the lady art ists whom it is liiH duty to criticise not infrequently call at his house to ask u favor or an act of justico for their pro fessional requirements. Thero are two places where Sarcoy may very often be met with; ono is his library, and tho other is his fautouil d'orchestro, when ever u grand performance or a premiere representation is given at any of the principal Parisian theatres. WKAVKUS OK HOMANCE. M. Georges Ohnet, tho eolebrated ro mnncist and dramatist, still young and handsome, with his smooth dark hair caroftilly brushed and parted, usually sits in pensive attitude in one of thoso luxurious armchairs with which his study abounds. Tho6olpturod chimney pieco by the side of which ho takes his placo in winter is a work of art in threo stories, surmounted by a beautiful clock and a looking glass out of old or young human reach. The author of tho "Maitro do Forges" is one of tho most amiable of Parisian litterateurs, as all who have visited him at his charming residence iu tho Avonuo Trudiano can affirm. M. Georges Ohnet is as young in thu Ordor of tho Legion of Honor as ho is in his ago; but with timo both may surely be expected to ripen and advance to a brill iant maturity. M, Einilo Zola dwells in tho artistic quarter Clichy, where, in tho Hue Dallu, he possesses a sumptuously furnished sanctum, provided with sofas, peacock pictures of tho greatest beauty, stat uettes, ovcrgreens and objects of art in every variety. All these strikingly ap parent comforts and delights combine to encoumgu that inclination for tho dolco far uieute to which tho indefatigable pretender to academical honors docs not for one moment yield. With his limpid hair fulling in a looo style on each sido of his head, after tho maimer of many popular knights of the palette, ho con tinues to wear tho same blnoclo as when ho wrote "L,Assoniinoir"and"LiiTerro." Iu fact Zola, by his free and easy ap pearance looks moro liko tin artiste point ro than iv literary man. lie may bo considered a painter also, since ho writes pictures with his jcii almost as vividly as thoso who paint them with their brushes. M. Emtio Zola is a chevalier of tho Legion of Honor, and tho red rib bon is well placed and well morited as tho reward of his profouud thought, bold imagination and vigorous expres sion that are sometimes sovoroly criti cised but invariably admired. Qalig nanl's Messenger. Tho Phauiicians arc amongst tho earli est nation which aro supposed to havo jutted thu saw. Thu scholar Is not sur prised to lind a very protty story no joonntlng for the discovery of tho saw in tarecian mythology. Hero tho inventor u said to havo found the jawbone of a snake, which ho imitated by jagging an iron plate, war usimrti.t -u;. A Winged Lizard. One of the strangest of tho many strange creatures that inhabit tho wilds of southern Asia and Iudiais tho "flying flowers," a small, brilliant hued lizard of tho order bracovolans. On the wing bracovolans resembles a richly tinted in sect; when at rest it compares favorably with others of tho lizard tribe, with the exception that it has an extraordinary protuberauco on both sides of tho body. These are the wings, which are formed by a cutaneous Hap, wingliko in shape, supported by a series of falso ribs. In color these flying lizards aro blue and gray, with intermediate tints of various kinds and shades. The tail is long, slender and very snaky in appearance. A largo doublo pouch extending below tho head adds to tho ferocious aspect of tho littlo rainbow colored brute. Tho wings aro not true wings, strictly so called, but aro used merely as parachutes. When tho lizard leaps from tho limb of a tree into tho air tho upper current brings them out, and enables the possessor to soar away at an anglo to a greater or lesser distance, ac cording to tho height of the starting point. The lizard can chango its direction while in the iur, a power not iossesaed by our "flying squirrels." Hence the casual observer might readily believe that they had tho power of moving the wingliko appendages, which would, in that caso, bo truo flight. Soaring is, however, tho limit of their power, the height of tho starting point regulating tho distance traveled in tho soaring flight, which is quite frequently several hundred yards, an aerial exhibition which strikes terror to tho heart of a stranger wandering for tho first time in tho jungles otf tho antipodean wilds. St. Louis Republic. Cactus anil Cnniel. The cactuses aro very peculiar plants as peculiar structurally as they aro bizarre and grotesquo in outer appear ance. They have spared no pains nnd shrunk from no sacrifice in accommodat ing themselves to their niche in nature. In tho first place, they havo no truo leaves. What look liko leaves in certain jointed cactuses aro really flattened and extended stems. If this seems at first hearing a hard saying the analogy of the common stonecrops, whero stem and leaf are hardly distinguishable will help to make it a littlo less incredible. In other ways, too, the stonecrops (or so dums, as tho gardeners call them) throw much light upon tho nature of the cac tuses. All these rock haunting or desert plants naturally got very littlo water oxcept at long intervals after occasional showers. Hence only thoso can survive which form themselves, as it were, into living reser voirs to retain all the moisture they once absorb. As soon as the rain falls in their arid haunts tho roots and rootlets eager ly drink it up in a great hurry and store it away in the soft and spongy cellular tissue of which tho main part of the plant is wholly formed. For this pur pose, both in stonecrops and cactuses, the stems havo become fleshy and succu lent, and being also green and leaflike they closely resemble truo leaves. But they aro covered externally with a thick skin, which resists evaporation and keeps the moisture, once collected, at tho plant's disjiosal for an unlimited period. In short, the cactus does as a plant just what a camel does as an animal. Grant Allon in North American Itoviow. I'ooIIkIi Consistency. Emerson tolls us t hat thero is no par ticular virtue in consistency. How stu pid a man must be, ho says in offect, who is not wiser today than yesterday, and who does not accordingly have to chango some of his opinions. "A man will never chango his mind who has no mind to chango," says Arch bishop Wlmtely. and Faraday expresses tho same idea when ho charges us to re member that, "In knowledge that man only is to bo despised who is not in a stato of transition." Thero is a medium between what a worthy old gentleman calls "whifllin' about liko a weathercock" and remain ing rigidly in one rut of bolief. Most of us know instances of men who cannot bring themselves to my anything which would contradict what they uttered last week or last year. A certain Irishman onco declared that ho had owned a horse which was fifteen feet high. A fo days after ho referred to tho same auim.il us buing fifteen hands high. But," said a Ii.--tuner, "you gave it the other day us lift eon feet." "Did I, thinV" said Patrick. "Well, I'll stick to it. He was fifteen feet high." Youth's Companion. A Itomarliulile Ciimil. The most remarkable canal in the world is tho ono between Worsloy and St. Helens, in north England. It is sixteen miles long and underground from end to end. In Lancashire tho coal mines are very extensive, half tho country being undermined. Many years ago tho man agers of the Duke of Bridgowater's es tates thought they could save money by transporting tho coal underground in stead of ou the surface: thoroforo tho canal was constructed, and tho mines connected and drained at tho same time. Ordinary canalboats aro used, tho power being furnished by men. Tho tunnel arch ovor the canal is provided with cross pieces, and tho men who do tho work of propulsion lie on their backs on tho loads of coal, and push with their feet against tho cross liars of tho roof. St. Louis Re public Hound to Suto lior Mat. On a Western and Atlantic train that pulled out of Atlanta recently was a negro woman who h:id paid her faro to Chattanooga. When on tho outskirts of tho city her twonty-fivo cent straw hat was blown through n wiudow. Sho jumped up and pulled tho bell cord. Tho train stopied, and whon tho con ductor rushed into the coach ho saw tho woman disapiearing through tho oppo eito door. Whilo tho woman was chas ing her straw hat over the meadows the train ptdled out and left her behind. Exchange, A YAXKEE IN RUSSIA. A CLEVER AMERICAN GETS GOLD FROM REFUSE SAND. Thn Native Antonlntiril llpyoni) Measure. Tho So Culli-l Crunk Mak a Contract wltli a Prominent Mine Owner Capital mini Science Succeed. Together with the groat awe the average Russian feels fot tho cjir he cherishes a liko respect lorjtho clever Yankees " In 1885 tho city of Ekaterinburg wan visited by two strangers a certain RiiHsinn cipi tallst. Zeleukof. and an American linn-t All efforts of the profesKionoi gusii-en" jf the towu to learn anything about the strangers were utterly useless Nothing was known of them save that during their short stay they were frequently seen around tho mines In the suburbs of the city in tho adjoining forest, aa though engaged in some geological re search One finu morning however, they were gouo and nothing was heard of tueui until the Bprlug of 1880. when they appeared again and at this time evidently fully prepared for business Almost the very day of their arrival they were seen on the outskirts of the city and the number of various apparatuses which they had along soon exposod their secret They wero testing and experimenting upon some of the enormous quantities of iolel or sand spread all over tho field, which Is ro jocted by the mine owners aH useless ouch an apparent absurdity was enough to arouse tho whole town Tho jokes, comments and general amusement at tho expense of tho "cranks" knew no bounds. "Olio may as well test the mud of the street tho result will bo tho same " Such remarks wero heard on all sides. Tho "cranks " however entertained adif fereut opinion about the 'matter After having completed all thi necessary exper lmcuts. they called upon Novikof, ono of tho most prominent mine owuers in Ekat erinburg "If you remember." said Zelenkof. "we had tho pleasure of mi.H'ting you a year and n half iigo, when, with your kind permission, wo Qlled a bag full of your lefel " "Of course 1 do. batlushka. Well, do roil wish to have homo uinre of It? You iro perfectly welcome to all you cau rather and more." uueeriugly added Novi tot "Yon are very kind. Indeed At tho same timo we should prefer to sign a con tract by which we bind ourselves to pay you a certain amount. Bay 400 roubles per each pood of gold (a pood Is equivalent to forty pounds), that wo may obtain from your lelel " Novikof stared at them for a moment, is though scarcely able to realize his whereabouts, and then remarked "Well, now gentlemen, I do uot wish to bo made tun of " "Not at all." Uiterposed Zelcnkof We mean business We wish to pay yon 400 roubles tor each pood of gold obtained from your iofel, and to thai ell eel we wiuh to sign a contract " MILLIONS IN T1I1C BAND. A few moro words brought Novikof to terms A similar contract waa at the same time obtained from another promi ncut miner Tho first ulep having been accomplished the next was to break the ground and erect a large factory with all the modern improvements Men. women and children were frequently seen m crowds viewing ihegroiilest wonder of the ago that of manufacturing gold out of lefel Of course, opinions as to the suc cess of the enterprise varied Novikof himself thought, and he did not at all hesitate to express his thoughts, that the "cranks' would fail betore long lie changed his opinion, whuuui the courso of a year Iho strangers succeeded in produc ing eight poods ('.M0 (unuids) of the Utgb est grade of gold while be himself, after expending a fortune and using what be considered the best gold ore, produced only ten poods This occurrence created quite a sensa tion In Ekaterinburg "Millions in tno Band! Millions that uo one ever thought of Millions spread all over the tieldl What a discovery'" Both Zelenkof and his American companion, especially the latter, became tho heroes of the day They were frequently called upou by the miners of tho surrounding towns and villages, who in the most simple manner urged them to disclose the "beciet. " "Five hundred thousand roubles and a written agivement to keep the secret to yourself," was the discouraging reply which they received from the 'heroes Tho successful enterprise of Zeleukof & Co has undoubtedly proved to many of tho Russian capitalists that capital and science combined go much turtUur than such an uncertainly as 'luck" The suc cess that this firm met is waiting tor many About five years ago u poor Ger mail graduate from the miuing school leased a few desiatius of worthless" laud Uo is said to be worth U0O.UO0 roubles now Ami still tho czar is In need of funds and his sole advisers are devising all sorts of means to borrow money and to lax his aubjects. Philadelphia Tiuiea. ftlilip ut London Dinners. Owing to the facilities for transport the fashion that prevails at large dinners of giving game, fruit etc., coming from far countries is less difliciilt than it might at first appear and you now meet with many curious dishes that hitherto tbe uuiruv. eled have only read or heard of At a grand dinner It is uot extraordinary now to have ollered to you bear's ham from Russia, sterlets from the Volga or haunch of roiudeer from Lapland Among the fruits, tho cokis from Japan are the best. This fruit Li yellow resembling in form r.ud color a mandarin orange the inside s eaten with a xxm. like an Ice liutall these dished from afai are overrated and cost mure than they are really worth, and your truo gourmets prefer the rmuiuce of l'Vanco. where the (Miultry game and fruit can bo hud fresh and not solled by a lung journey and being packed In Ice. Loudon tjueeu Iti-Hillni: While In llr.L As to reading whilo lying down In bed or on a lounge. I can see no objection to It Bo far as the eyes are. concerned, provided tho book Is held in such a position that the eyes do not have to be rolled down too far I'll Ions the head is raised very high by pillows, however It will be found very fatiguing to hold the book high enough, not to mention the danger of falling asleep and of upsetting the lamp or caudle and thus setting the Ui ou tiro Many iwi-Kons permanently weaken their eyes by reading to pass away the tedious hours during recovery from ttevere Illness The muscles of thtteyoH partake of the general weakness and are easily overtaxed Per ona Iu this condition may uo read to, but build avoid thu acu v uso of their ywtt i;ca. I'rofusaor Duvid Wetater, M U A FREE CHURCH EXPERIMENT. The CotiMicnoti Snccesn Which n Hoiton Congrcsstlon Him Achieved. When, nearly threo years ngo. the Berkeley Street Congregational church. ! in this eity. made its pews free, in- creased it3 pastoral force from ono man to three, opened its doors from Sunday , morning until Saturday night, and in- j augurated various lines of practical Christinnendfavor.it was u new do-j pnrturo in church i ctivity such ns this, city bad never m'cii before on so large, n senle. The movement had behind it, j nl.-o, tho support of several sister , churches, not so well situated for the, prosecution of people's work, and of tho Massachusetts Homo Missionuryi society. - Tho enterprise lias now passed through tho critical and trying period , of its history, nnd seems to bo on n j permanent basis. It lifts had, of courso, j to feel its way into the heart of tho problem of city evangelization; it has encountered difficulties and discourage- J ments; but it has gone steadily on to larger successes, and commands today tho respect and the confidence of the entire Congregational denomination. Comparatively few of tho Christian people in this city even realize what a large and varied work is prosecuted at I Berkeley temple. Classes in dress-j making, bookkeeping, painting, elocu-, tion and stenography, reading rooms and young men's debating clubs, tcni- porance guilds, a Chinese Sunday school these nro some of the special features. The temple is a homo for scores of young men and women who otherwise might have to spend their evenings in the narrow quarters of South End boarding houses or upon tho street. Persons in search of relief and sympa thy nnd spiritual minis! ration aro learn ing that Berkeley temple desires to be tho friend and helper of every needy, distressed soul. Without dhy.'Wegeinent to the other churches of tli,. -sty, it is worth much to have a downtown church in Boston of this typo. Thu Berkeley Templo Year Book shows iho scope and many sidedness of the work which lies within tho province of u modern church in a great city. All these secular instru mentalities have an avowedly spiritual end, and while tho church tries to carry on its philanthropic and humanitarian work, its workers keep steadily in view tho purpose of bringing to men and women tho help and tho inspiration which are in tho religion of Christ. Tho influence of such institutions as Berkeley temple, in Boston, or of tho now famous St. George's church, in Now York, is widespread. Their methods are scrutinized and copied all over the country. Their spirit of practical help fulness is n mighty impulse to aggress ive Christian work in scores of places, east nnd west. Tho time in which wo livo is urgent in its demand that the church shall not only save the individ ual, but shall reconstruct society; hence the eagerness with which every effort in this direction is welcomed by multitudes of earnest souls. Boston Advertiser. Dan Lock wood's Great Kfl'ort. Congressman-elect Lockwood away back in his school days ut Hamburg, was an orator of such note that ho was ' chosen valedictorian of his class. He prepared for the event by ordering a now pair of shoes. Lato in the after noon of tho great day the shoes came. But, good heavens I they wouldn't go on. Dan hadn't another pair fit for use. Ho summoned the shoemaker to a conference, nnd, while the perspira tion rolled off hJ" 'ace, ho explained tho situation. "That's nothhv JJtd Crispin; "got a coupio of eggs ri break ono into each shoo." Don did so. and t:io result was charm ing. Ho went into thoso shoes liko a duck's foot in the mud. His vale dictory was tho greatest effort of Lock wood's career up to that dnto. The words wero honeyed and the gestures as graceful .s a snake swallowing a frog. All his friends and relatives wero spellbound. But right in tho midst of it the author stopped. Agony was in carnuto in his features. His hair rose on end. Ho becauio palo nnd red in turns. What was the mutter? Had he for gotten his speech? No; he had just thought of those two egg omelets, and would have given all ho had or ovor hoped to havo for a chauco to laugh. Buffalo Express. DliiiiimiiU Tliut Aro Safe. Extremely valuable diamonds nro al most perfectly safe property, A gen tlcmnn who possessed one valued nt 50,000 passed it freely from hand to hand in a largo commercial establish ment, and even allowed a man whom ho know nothing about to t&ko it out of tho room. "I should think you would bo afraid that it would bo stolen," somo ono said. Tho owner of tho diamond smiled. "Its value Is its protection," ho said. "A thief, in order to realize anything upon that diamond, would havototako it to a largo dealer, and tho diamond Ii perfectly well known to ovory such dealer in America or Knropo. It would bo recognized ami held at onco." "But could not tho thief havo it cut up into small diamonds, and sold In that way?" "To bo cut, it would havo to go either to Amsterdam or to ono of two or threo men Iu America, In eltlier caso it would bo found registered, with my naino as its owner. It would bo of no mora real vaiuo to Uio thief than a lump of coal." Youth' Companion, A VERY AGED TALE. " Tills artist laeklDK money, has- made a drmvtng I nun)', anil with hope his face is sunny; Dear me. What flee! For In Ills liuntrrv mind lie fancies lie has dined. Say on a meal of vegetables and mutton. His wonderful creation iiortrays tho perturbation, ami the Innermost exatlon, Oh, my! Don't sIrIi, Of the man who vainly seeks, with tho carpet on his cheeks For houi-s,,to lluil his fleeting collar button. i .1 I But alas for him, poor chap, he apjears to be un happy, for lie little knew the trap ho Spniuj; when His pen IhI him to the door on the journalistic floor, Where lie foiiuil an editorial Hon caged. He thought the sketch was witty, but look on tip with pitv, for this happened in tho city, Oh, dear! How queer, A long, long time apo a century or so For eeu then this Joke was ery apod. Tom Massok. A Day in Driotlevlllo. One day Death assembled his grisly court nnd demanded a reort from all his terrible agents. "Who best has done my work upon mankind?" demanded the monarch. Up rose the Kerosene Lamp, but beforo sho could speak tho Toy Pistol put her down and stood beforo tho King of Terrors. "I" he began, but was kicked clear out of the presence by tho Empty Gun. "I am here, oh kinp;," he began, but an American Pie choked him in tho act of speaking. "Away, thou sudden death!" exclaimed a haughty voice, and as thu speaker strode into view, all the court pros trated itself with fear, and oven Death mader ready to vacate his throne. "And who art thou?" asked tho monarch. "I am a Fire Es cape," liut with the applauso that greeted his name a dark shadow fell upon tho court, nnd as a figure of ghastly terror loomedin view, the court took to its heels, and Dcajli, gathering' hiH'bones together for a good start, asked with trembling jaws, "And thou?" "IV replied tho new comer, "I am tho Bass. I am tho Life Boat." And with a horriblo shriek Death fled. Burdetto in Brooklyn Eagle. In Payment for tho I'aper. How you may get Tho Herald without money. Bring us: Twenty pounils of pork; or Ten pounds of pork snusngo; or Two bushels of sound Irish potatoes; or Fivo bushels of sound turnips; or Ten good chickens; or Ten pounds of good lard; or Ono bushel of good onions. Any person bringing us any of the above in tho (luuntity named will recoivo the paper until Jan. 1, 18S'J; for half tho quantity we will send it half tho time. Hazel Green (Ky.) Herald. Hut et Thero All the Same. The aeronaut doesn't want tho earth. Washington Critic. It ain't do man dat is hard ter whup dnt gins you do nios' trouble. It is do feller dat won't stay whupped. VEGETABLE PANAGEA PREPARED FROM ROOTS 8c HERBS, FOR THE CURC OF AND ALL OTHER DISEASES ARISINO FROM A II DISORDERED STATE ofthcSTUMACH J OR AN JL .inactive: liver, if rOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS flc GENERAL DEALERS mm 1