THE OREGON SCOUT.
.JOKES A. CHANCEY, - Publishers
UNION, OREGON.
A COMEDIAN'S JOKE.
tow Ho Itccommpntlecl it Fopulitr YVneh
tnctoii llotol to H Fallow Actor.
Mr. Powers, tho well-known coralo
opora comedian, perpetrated qulto a
littlo joko just boforo tho arrival of tho
company in Washington. It is custo
mary for tho advance agents of theat
rical or oporatic companios t6 obtain
the prices of tho different hotels in each
city and send this information back to
tho manager of tho company, so that
Bcloctlon of rosldonco may bo mado by
tho principals and members of tho
chorus. By somo accidont tho list of
Washington hotels did not reach tho
'Yeomen of tho Guard" company and
many mombors of tho company were
about to visit Washington for tho first
time. Said ono of the men, an English
man, to Mr. Powers, as tho train was
approaching tho capital:
"Toll mo whero to stop in Washing
ton, old chap? Of course you havo
boon thoro boforo, but I havo not, don't
you knowP"
I didn't know any thing about it,"
said Powers, "until you montionod it.
Tiot mo soo, thoro aro sovoral hotols in
Washington; thoro is Willard's, of his
toric renown; tho Arlington, whoro
Trosidont Cleveland rested boforo ho
was inaugurated. Thon thoro is tho
Hotel Chamberlain, famous for its ex
quisite cuisine. Wclckor's, too, is a
favorlto resort for tho more prominent
mombors of tho profession. But as you
aro going to tho capital of tho United
.States for tho first tlmo I would sug
gest that you try tho most oxclusivo
placo in town. Very fow professionals
stop there, but somo of tho best known
and most notoworthy mon in tho coun
try aro regularly soon in Its corridors.
I havo novor remained thoro over
night, as I stay with frionds during
my visits to tho capital, but I always
drop in and glanco over tho portraits
in tho plcturo gallory and tako a turn
around tho groon house."
"Picturo gallory, groon houso. Why,
that omust bo a doocld fino pluco. I
supposo tho rato Is protty stiff."
"Yes, rather; but if you toll thorn
-who you aro I think they will inako a
$3 or $1 u day rato."
"O, I could stand that for a wook,"
Bald tho Innocent sookor for Informa
tion. "What did you say tho uamo of
tho hotel was, old manP"
"It Is called tho Whlto Houso. Any
cab driver in Washington will know
whoro to tako you. Just mention my
uamo and don't lot thorn bluff you at
tho door. Thoy aro very cheoky some
times, ospcclally if thoy don't know
you."
It Is said that on that same day a
Dadly-UBod-up pornon who lookod llko
an Englishman was seen to Uy down
tho flagged walk loading from tho por
tico of tho oxooutlvo mansion of Phila
delphia avonuo, vociferating for a cab
to tako him and his trunk away from
tho most "exclusive placo in town."
Cor. Pittsburgh Dispatch.
m
MAN'S HEAD-GEAR.
JLa Artlclo About Which MimihiIIiio Vanity
In Alwuya Cunturml.
Tho hat, ovory ono will allow, has
always been pro-omlnently that portion
of male costumo around which our
social amonltlos havo circled. Politics
-and politeness havo been bound up
with It, until It has bocome almost as
impossible for tho followors of any
cult to hold cortuln "views" without a
"hat to suit them, as to imugiuo an
aesthetic without a dado. Thoro Is
tho Cardinal's hat and tho Bishop's
-shovel, tho student's trencher and tho
curate's folt, tho low church and tho
high chUrch lint, tho Quaker's broad
Brim and that peculiarly knowing typo
of head covering which, according to
tho County Court witness Is tho sign of
'your perfect gontlomun." In Chau
cer's day tho "Flnundrish beavor hat"
as muoh marked tho merchant as tho
sou'-wostor does tho seafaring man in
our own times. When tho Puritans
affected ample flaps and a uteeplo
crown, tho Cavaliers adopted narrower
hrlms and a superstructure docked
with a resplendent feather. At a later
date, tho "Monmouth cock" ami the
"ItamllloB cook" marked the macaroni
mud the man of quality, and though
hats ami "hat honor" aro for tho mo
ment not so much wrapped up with
punctilio as thoy wore, yet it is still
that portion of a gontloinon's nttiro
employed to oxproBS courtesy or re
upoot A whlto hat is unquestionably
a mora reasonable color for tho tall
chimney pot" than black. Yet it is
not every man, oven in summer, who
has tho courage to woar one, and, as
any one who has nttondod a university
celebration Is aware, it shares with a
Tod tie tho especial aulmudvorslun of
tho narcastlo undergraduate. Tho hat
-of civilization is maligned, and ridi
culed, and carlaoturod, ami ouo of tho
chief joys in getting beyond tho pro
duct of London is to cast it aside. In
a pioneer settlement in Amoriou or
Australia it is markedly absent- Hut
ouo of tho first elgus of a frontier
city" cmorglng from lt war with tho
wilderness is tho resumption by its
more solf-rospootlng citizens of tho dis
carded "stovepipe" Gonoral Grant,
Indeed, loved it so dearly that ho would
often sit oh horseback, through somo of
tho hottest lights, with this uuwnrllko
lielmet on his head. And now wo hear
of ono of his countrymen trying tho
costly uncertainties of tho law all for
tho "right" of wearing it in tho then
tor, just an cortuln nobles havo boforo
now bought, ut a great prlco, tho privi
lege of standing covorod in tho pres-
' -London Standard.
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
Soarandflop (grandlloquontly)
Ycs; it pays to do right. Honosty la
tho best policy after all." Frankloy
"Why don't you havo It renewed."-'
Tlmo.
"I am opposed to all games of
chance," said llawson. "And yot you
got married?" said Lawson. "Yes,
and that's why I am so strongly op
posed to 'cm. Drake's Magazine.
Tho Kansas Legislature contains
ton nowspapor men, who at onco ole
vato Its standard of intelligonco and
roduco its avorago porcontago of
wealth. Kansas City Star.
"I know my dofocts," said Ti-jen-klns
pompously; and ns tho bystanders
looked at him admiringly, ono of thorn
whispered to anothor softly: "What
an awful lot that man must know!"
Somorvlllo Journal.
Mr. Garrulous "Why do peoplo
think tho Sphinx typical of wisdom,
Gcorgo?" Gcorgo (who Is still suffer
ing irom tho effects of curtain lecture)
"I guess it is bocauso tho Sphinx
always keeps its mouth shut." Ilur
por's Uazar.
Sho "I must show you my now
clock before you go." Ho (facotiously)
Somo of my frionds toll mo I nm
homoly enough to stop a clock." Sho
O, that won't matter! It can bo
started again." Llfo.
"Can't you sparo mo a littlo money,
papaP" "How much, dear?" "Well.
I want to buy enough material to mako
ono of tho now-fashlonod bathing
suits." "11 right, my doar. Got what
you want. Hero Is half a dollar."
Richfield Nows.
"What shall wo do if tho prico of
flour goes up any further?" exclaimed
Mrs. Knoadom to hor husband. "I can
BUggcst a slmplo remedy my dear," re
sponded Mr. Kncadom, quietly. "Just
contlnuo your homo baking and wo
need not nntlclpato any riso in bread."
Montroal Star.
Young author "Doctor, If I can't
got somo rollof from writer's cramp I
I shall havo to glvo up my literary
work. I havo como to you for advice."
Doctor (who has read somo of his
literary work) "My young friend,
quit writing ontlroly, nnd rollof not
only Instantaneous but widespread
will follow." Chicago Tribune.
"You used to think a little moro
of mo and not qulto so much of your
solf in tho days when you woro courting
mo," exclaimed Mrs. Drown, tearfully,
during tho courso of a littlo conjugal
conflict. "You novor said a truer thing
than that," ropllod tho brute. "I forgot
myself ontlroly at that time or I novor
would havo proposed." Torro Hauto
Express.
Editor great mngazlno "Hero Is
a flno article on 'Modorn Art,' but It 1b
written by somo unknown jay whollvcs
In Pumpklnvillo." Assistant "All
right; I'll go out and find somo great
artist willing to put his name to It.
Guess ono will do It for $100." "Very
well; I'll sond tho jay fifty cents and
tell him to keep quiot, and that maybo
wo'll tako nnothor artlclo from him
somo day and lot him uso his own
namo." Philadelphia Record.
Blobson "Ha, ha! Ilore's nn ar
tlclo which says that boforo tho closoof
tho ninotoonth century wo shall soo
womon running locomotive onglnes on
our railroads." Mrs. Hlobson "Woll,
why notP Don't you think thoy would
make good onos?" Mr. Blobson "In
somo rospoots, porhaps. Thoy would
keep a good lookout ahead, anyway."
Mrs. lUobson "Why so?" Mr. Blob
son "BocauBo they would havo tholr
heads out of tho cab window all tho
tlmo to show tholr now bouuoU."
Burlington Froo Press.
i 1. 1
A PECULIAR STONE.
It rnMCaiN thu Flexibility or u lMrco or
liitllik Itiililiur.
Tho Washington Star glvos an inter
esting account of a stouo belonging to
tho chlof clerk of tho War Dopnrtmont
It weighed about a pound, and was 13
luchos in length, 2 in width, and J of
an inch thick. On picking It up from
tho dosk, when his attontlon was called
to It, a reporter noticed that it bent
slightly at tho ends, and had tho fool
ing of an olastlo substance On re
moving tho wrappor, howovor. It was
seen to bo a hard, compact piece of
sandstone, of a light yollow color, with
the ends cut to points. Thu toxturo of
tho stono was lino, and presented no
ovldenco of stratification, and was
smooth over tho entire surfaco. A
knife-blade mado no Impression on tho
particles. There was no doubt as to
its being a genuine stone, but It novor
tholess possessed tho tloxiblllty of a
piece of India rubbor. When taken in
tho hand and shaken in tho direction
of its lint surfaco it would bond back
and forth with a dull, mutlled sound.
Tho movement was moro of a laxity
in tho adhuslo,u apparently, than an
elasticity. When hold horizontally by
ono end tho other would drop and re
main In that position. With tho two
ends supported on rests tho free center
could bo pressed half an laoh bolow tho
middle lino. With onu ond held llriuly
on tho dosk thu other could be bout up
ward over an inch. Tho movement
was not confined to tho one direction
In tho piano of tho flat surfaces but
tho entire stone seemed to bo con
structed on tho principal of a universal
joint, with a movement perceptible lu
ull directions under pressure.
Whero to Draw tho Lino.
"In tho caso of my unfortunate
client, gentlemen," wild tho eloquent
attorney for tho dofeusu in a murder
caso, "It Is for you to draw tho lino be
tween murderous rage and emotional
insanity."
And tho jury rondorod a vurdlct that
they thought tho safest placo to draw
It was between thu head uud shoulders,
i Chicago Trlbuuo.
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Gem From Lmta Ianue of That En
terprUIng Wettern 8het.
AroLOQ epical. Wo aro cotnpollcd
to apologlzo to our subscribers for the
typographical appearance of tho pres
ent issue. Owing to tho snow block
ado, a keg of ink which wo ordered
wooks ago failed to roach us, and rath
or than miss an issuo we compounded
a substitute. Wo don't seem to have
hit tho right proportions, or olso mo
lasses and lamp-black aro not tho
proper substitutes. As it will bo im
possible for subscribers to make out
any of tho reading matter, wo will
Bolaco them with tho statement that
thoro Is littlo or nothing worth read
ing. Wo hadn't much tlmo to give to
tho paper last week, and it is just as
woll that wo hadn't It would havo
been tlmo thrown away.
Tub Usual Rewaiid. Wo under
stand that Arizona Joe, Colonol Hil
ton, Dick Fonshaw and other ingratcs
aro going about with tho statomont that
wo woro horse-whipped by tho Widow
Burnhnm one day last week. When
wo rofcr to these hyenas as living liars,
wo do so in all gentleness. Wo can't
airord to got mad and kick such freaks
of nature. Arizona Joe is wearing a
collar wo lent him from our slim stock,
and If any ono will rip tho Colonel's
coat down tho back ho will find one
of our undershirt's surrounding the in
grato's body. When Dick Fonshaw
struck this town ho hadn't eaten any
thing but pig-weed for throo days, and
ho was trying to mako a pack of cards
cover his nakodnoss. Wo filled his
stomach, gavo him a coat and lifted
him out of tho slough. This is our To
ward. Sick transit! Sick gratitudo!
Sick hyenu!
Welcome Back. Prof. Whitownter
entered tho Kicker ofllco day boforo
yesterday with beaming smile and ex
tended hand after an nbsonce of about
ton months spent In tho ponltontiary.
Ho was unfortunate enough, It will bo
remembered, to hurt somo ono In a lit
tlo dlsputo at tho Red Front Saloon,
and tho court thought It best for him
to tako a littlo vacation. Tho professor
roturns homo looking In good health
and filled with enthusiasm over tho
progress tho town has mado during his
absonco, Wo welcomo him. A littlo
State prison oxporionco hasn't hurt
him, nor won't hurt uny of our towns
men. Can Be Overlooked. A fow of out
citizens seom inclined to censure Mujor
Whitbeck, our chlof of police for being
drunk on tho streets yostorday. Wo
don't beliovo that giving a man an of
fice should deprive him of tho rights
and privileges of a citizen. If buslnoss
is slack and tho major fools llko going
on a spreo tho break can bo overlooked
in a community whoro half tho omlnont
cltlzons sleep on tholr front doorsteps
five, nights out of sovon. Those who
criticise soom to bo actuated by a spirit
of jealousy.
A Fai.se Alahm. When tho stage
drovo up tho othor evening tho roport
got abroad that ono of tho passengers
was a Chicago dotectlvo, and somo
forty or fifty of our leading citizens
broko for tho country on a cantor.
Most of thorn laid out all night, with
tho thormomotor standing at four do
greos bolow. Tho following casualties
aro reported:
Captain Johnson Right foot frozon
so badly that amputation is talked of.
JudgoPelham Both oars frost bitton
and noso biully used up.
Prof. Swoony Broken leg, causod by
a fall while running.
Major Adams Ears, noso and sevon
toos frost bitten, and his spine badly
wronched.
Esquire Davis Sovoral frost bites, a
sprained ankle and the prnbablo loss
of a portion of his beautiful Roman
noso. Dotrolt Freo Press.
SLAVES IN TURKEY.
l'oor Girl KiitlcoU From Tliplr Homes
Autl Sold nt Coiiiitiintlnople.
An extensive female slavo trndo Is
still carried on in Constantinople in
splto of tho consuls of the Christian
powers. Hardly a wc k passes without
tho arrival of a white-haired courior,
betwoon 05 and 70 years old, accom
panied by a convoy of young girls,
mostly from poor families In Galloliv,
whom he has induced to como with
him to tho Turkish capital under tho
promise of a "splendid'1 situation or a
"rich marrlago." Tho Austrian con
Bular ofilclals, as woll as those of othor
powers, havo kept a wakeful eye upon
this old scoundrel nnd stopped him
from landing his "wnros" In Constan
tinople Itself. It is now discovered that
lie takes thorn to a spot whoro thoy nro
out of reach of European law Kawak,
tho Turkish quarantino station on tho
Bosphorus. Hero thoy aro unshippod
and sent ultimately to Constantinople
by tho land route to Bujukdoro. lloro
uot a soul Is troubled about tholr do
plorablo fate, and tholr redemption
from tho horrors prepared for them Is
only possible through onorgetle for
olgn holp. Tho "proprietor" takos
thorn to a certain bourso, called tho
Casta, whoro his living wares aro
dealt with exactly as if they woro doad
mattoror shares. Tho prlco for tho
"coarse wares," as thoy aro brutnlly
described, varies from $160 to $300.
Tho prlco of tho finer wares Is higher,
reaching tho level sometimes of $1,200.
Thoy aro bought for customers In
Smyrna, Alexandria, Cairo, and other
places under Mohammedan rule. Tho
"brokers" attempt to conceal tho na
ture of tholr trade by deceptive ad
vices; for instanco, "Expect threo
dozen silver Bpoons," (which is tech
nical for tho "finer wares,") or "Wo
send five vessels of 'monl,' (a medium
quality), or "eight sacks of potatoes,"
(the coarsest quality.) Chicago MulL
DASELY UNGRATEFUL. j
How a Younir Physician Violated tti
Etblcs or Ilia I'rofexulon.
An old fellow sat on a rail fence. Ills
hat lay on tho ground; his long hair
was tangled and his face woro a re
vengeful expression. A traveler,
noticing tho old fellow's hardnoss of
countenance, stopped and thus ad
dressed him:
"You seem to be worried."
"Am."
"What's tho matter?"
"Got a duty to perform."
"It must bo an unpleasant one."
"No, tho duty Is pleasant enough,
but tho waiting is tiresome"
"Why do you wait?"
"See that houso up yonder?"
"Yes."
"Well, there's a fellow in there that
lam going to larrup as soon a3 he
comes out"
"Ho has done you an injury, I sup
pose." "Ho has."
"What did ho do?"
"Woll, I'll tell you. He camo into
this neighborhood about sbc months
ago and began to praotico medicine.
I havo been a practicing physician in
this community for thirty years, yot I
treated tho upstart kindly. How did
ho ropay mo? With tho basost ingrati
tude, sir. I'll toll you how it was.
About two weeks ago old Peter Nolan
was taken awfully sick. Ho was as
sick a man as I over saw In my life.
Why, ho had swamp fovor, rheuma
tism, pleurisy, and a numbor of othor
diseases. I was called in. As soon as
I looked at him I saw that ho had no
shbw, and I told him that it would not
bo honest for mo to give him mcdiclno
and tako his money when I know that
I could do him no good."
"That was surely commendable,"
said tho travolor.
"Of courso; but mark tho difforonce
That young snipo was called In. What
did ho do? Act with corresponding
honesty? No, sir, ho pitched in and
gavo old Poto a lot of medicine."
"And killed him, oh?"
"Well, no; tho scoundrel has about
curod him."
"Yes, but that proves him to bo a
good physician."
"A good physician!" tho old follow
exclaimed. "Why, blast him, ho know
that I had said old Poto couldn't live
Ho know that my professional reputa
tion was at stake Why didn't ho let
tho old fool dio? Why did ho want to
cure him and ruin mo? It was an un
professional act, sir, and just as soon
as ho comes out of that houso I'm going
to whale him. I am not going to bo
insulted in my old age, I am not going
to allow a young popinjay to ruin tho
profession. Walt till ho comes out and
you'll hear something drop." Arkan
saw Travolor.
AN EXCELLENT MAXIM.
Ilitva n Tlmo for Hvi'ry Tiling, mill Do
Uvry TIiIiik In Its Time.
"To ovrry thing thoro Is a soason, and a tlmo
to ovory purpose under tho heaven."
Novor was saying truer than this;
novor ono of moro univorsal applica
tion; never ouo tho disrogard of which
would cause more dire confusion. "A
time for ovory thing and ovory thing in
its time," should bo tho companion
maxim to "a placo for every thing and
every thing in its placo;" and if it
woro mado ono of tho rules for living
how much moro could bo accomplished
lu a stated period than if dutios woro
porfonned nnd various pursuits pleas
urable or otherwise, followed without
regard to tho fact that thoro is "a tlmo
to ovory purpose under tho heaven."
Such, howovor, is tho perversity of
human nature, that wo aro porpotually
taken possession of by a domou of
longing to do a certain task or enjoy a
certain pleasure In tho tlmo that wo
arc positlvo, beyond a doubt, should bo
devoted to some othor purpose. Who
has not boon tho victim of this strong
desire to do at a certain timo "that
which he ought not to do, and to loavo
undone that which ho ought to do?" It
seems too, sometimes, that tho moro
insignificant tho duty of tho momont
tho stronger tho aversion to doing it
just tho'n, tho more powerful tho tomi
titlou to put It oil until some othor
timo. Wo havo felt grieved boyond
measure at tho thought of putting two
or threo nooded tacks in a carpet, and
havo actually permitted ourselves to
defer doing it not only weeks but
mouths. Wo fancy eyebrows lifted in
horror nt this frank confession; but to
those who lift them wo would say, "Lot
him that is without sin cast tho first
stono." Such onos, too, wo would urge
to give thanks throo times daily that
thoy "aro not as othor men aro."
Christian at Work.
A Profit-Sharing Railroad.
Thoro Is ono railroad in Amorica,
operated on a profit-sharing basis, and
but two In tho world. Tho American
road Is tho Toledo, Ann Arbor & North
Michigan, which with its prospective
branches will cover tho greater part of
tho State. Tho road pays to Its otllcors
nnd employes a dividend, tho president
alono being oxcoptod. In order to ob
tain this dividend the employes or of
ficials must havo boon five years in
continuous service of the road. Tho
way in which tho matter is arranged
Is for tho board of directors to declare
dividends on thoimount of salary re
ceived by each servant of tho road as
if that sum represented, not a salary,
but an amount of stock of tho road.
There aro also provisions mado for em
ployes who shall bo injured in tho sor
vico of tho road nnd also for thoso who
rotlro after twenty years continuous
service Tho plan has not been lu
operation two years yot. but it is re
garded as successful. Tho omployes
favor it and tho stockholders nlso.
Such plans certainly closoly identify
tho interests of capital with thoso of
labor and thus servo a useful purpose
Now Uttvou Record.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Thn water Is colder at tho bottom
than at tho surface In many bays on
tho coast of Norway tho water often
freezes at tho bottom beforo it does
above
Cal.. recently exhibited a
curiosity In tho shapo of an apple In
closed in a small-ncckcu Dottie. xiio
frlntrin a treonnd a twig
grew into it, blossomed nnd matured.
A man was released from tho Min-nr.-r.tn
n.nl t r,n Hfirv the other day after
serving ten years for a murder which
his brother committed anu recently
onfossed on his death-bed.
Among a pilo of Now York visiting
..id invitation cards was ono on which
was engraved "Miss Alice D.. at homo
Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wedncs
qvs, Thursdays, Fridays and Satur
day . "
The distance from ocean to ocean
by tho Nicaragua Canal Is 1C9.8 miles;
length of canal, 28.8 milos; length of
lako, river and basin navigation, 141
miles; length of summit level. 152
milts; olovation of summit level above
ea, 110 feet; number of locks, six.
-A "gum rottineo" was given nt
one of tho St Paul theaters on Now
Year's day. says tho Now York Sun.
A package of tolu was given each lady
at the door, and nn eye witness roports
that "the fair creatures allowed thoir
agilo jaws to reverborato to thoir
heart's content." Thus does the drama
gain now gauds and decorations in tho
vasty Northwest.
Tho life of a juryman Is not all
plain matter-of-fact prose Sometimes
it happens that quite an entertainment
Is arranged especially for his benefit
Such an Instanco was seen In a Maine
vlllago tho other day. It was In n
horse caso and tho entire jury had to
go out and sco for themselves what
kind of a record tho animal could
mako on tho track. Lowiston journal.
Smith (to friend) "Gus, I'm go
ing to commitsuicido to-dny." Friend
t'nowspaper reporter) "Thank good
ness! I'll seo you through It to tho
end. They said at tho ofllco this morn
ing that they'd fire mo if I didn't find
a sensational article. What'll it be,
pistol, poison?" Smith "No; I'm go
ing to read somo of your press arti
cles." Drake's Magazine
Tho performance of Jules Vorno's
hero, who wont round tho world in
oighty days, has been surpassed by an
English post-card which latoly returned
from Its very Interesting travels. It
was mailed by a London gentleman on
October 10th to a friond In Hong Kong,
by way of tV United States and Yoko
hama, and reached Hong Kong on
November 23d, when it was redirected
to Loudon by way of Brlndisi. It was
dispatched on November 25th and
reached tho original owner on Decem
ber 24th that Is, within sovonty-five
days from the start The card cost only
throo half-ponce.
A veteran African explorer says:
"Tho greatest dangor to health in trop
ical climate?, or at any rate in Tropical
Africa, occurs from catching cold. Two
othor imprudences noxt to bo guarded
against aro excesses of any kind in eat
ing or drinking, or exposing ono's self
too much to tho direct rays of tho sun.
Errors in diot nro promptly and piti
lessly punished with sickness; and
whereas Europeans aro all tho better
in health for taking a good deal of ox
ercise, they aro easily 15 ablo to got sick
if they oxposo themselves to tho sun's
rays without tho protection of an um
brella, which is frequently done by
new-comers out of foolish bravado."
FACTS WORTH KNOWING.
A List of Sulmtunci's I.lnlilo to Spontane
ous Combustion.
Cotton-Bced oil will tako firo ovon
when mixed with 25 per cent, of
petroloum oil, hut 10 por cent of min
eral oil mixed with 10 por cent of ani
mal or vogotahlo oil will go far to pre
vent combustion.
Olive oil is combustible, nnd mlxod
with rags, hay or sawdust will produce
spontaneous combustion.
Coal dust, flour dust, starch, flour
(especially rye flour), aro all explosive
when mixed with certain proportions
of air.
New starch is highly explosive in its
ronnninuted stato, nlso sawdust in a
very fino state, whon confined In a close
chute and water directed on it. Saw
dust should never bo used in oil shops
or warehouses to collect drippings or
leakages from casks.
Dry vcgotablo or animal oil inovi
tably takos firo when saturating cotton
wasto at 180 F. Spontaneous com
bustion occurs most quickly when the
cotton is soaked with its own wolght of
oil. Tho addition of 40 per cont. of
mlnoral oil (donslty 0.8'JO) of great
viscosity, and omitting no inflammable
vapors, oven in contact with an ignited
body at any point bolow 338 F., Is
sutllclont to prevent spontaneous com
bustion, and tho nddltlon ol 20 ptr
cont of tho samo mineral oil doubles
timo necessary to produco spontaneous
combustion.
Patent driors from leakago into saw
dust, etc., oily wasto of any kind, or
waste cloths of silk or cotton, satur
ated with oil, varnish, turpontlne.
Greasy rags from butter, and greasy
ham bags. Bituminous coal in large
hoaps, refuse heaps of pit coal,
hastened by wot, and especially when
pyrites nro prosont In tho coal; 4tho
larger tho heaps, tho moro liable.
Uunpblack, when slightly oily nnd
damp, with llnscod oil especially.
Timber dried by steam pipos, or hot
water or hot air hoating apparatus,
owing to flno Iron dust being thrown
off; In close wood casings or boxings
round the pipes, from tho moro oxpan
slon and contraction of tho pipes.
American Miller.
TIPS TO TRAVtLtRS.
now to ISo fMccensful In a Social ns Well
nn n Commercial Wny.
Young man, If this is your trial trip,
tako somo advice and store it up with
tho practical points you havo aleady
obtained regarding tho goods you ex
pect to sell for your concern.
Remember that wo nro all human and
liable to err. Do tho best you can, nnd
with Davy Crockett, bo suro you'ro
right and then go ahead. 4
When you strlko a small town don't
Imagino that you own It, simply be
cause vou represent a big houso and a
big city. If you do, possible customers
who find it good enough and largo
enough for them may got an idea that
you don't affiliate, nnd buy elsewhere.
Modesty is tho best policy.
Don't get tho notion that a silk hat
placed on your head in a jaunty way,
and a cigar stuck up in one corner of
your mouth, is a suro indication to tho
merchant that you know how to sell
goods. In tho first place ho may ob
ject to tho way It is introduced, and
an objection either way may bo a bad.
introduction for you. ,
Don't sit down at his desk If you find,
him disengaged and lire off somo of tho
vulgar stories you havo heard on tho
road ; it may bo that ho has had good
moral training, and by tho timo you
arrivo at tho laughing point, thero
won't bo any laugh at all.
Don't uso profanity; your customers
will understand tho quality of your
goods without stamping tho different
samples with threo or four Ds; in fact,
a trade mark of this kind may be an
effectual ono of condemning them.
Don't swear.
If you must chow tobacco throw your
quid out beforo going into a placo of
business; do this out of respect for tho
property rights of others, and to savo
yourself from tho imputation of misti
ness. Cleanliness is noxt to godliness.
Don't mako a confidantof every busi
ness man you meet; remember ho may
have a family, and dosiro to sco them
occasionally; and may also bo a sub
scriber to a nowspapor, and familiar
with tho entire budget of stalo news
you are Imparting. Talk business
short, sharp and decisive and get
about your business. Don't talk too
much.
Novor let your right hand know
what your loft hand is doing.. Don't
brag to tho opposition drummer of tho
big ordor you took at tho last slop.
Don't imagino you own tho firm be
causo of a successful trip, and abovo
all, don't think you know it all.
Practice polltonoss. This Is an ex
cellent commodity, and goes a long
ways. If you don't coll goods to a cer
tain firm this trip, you may noxt, es
pecially if you leave a pleasant impres
sion behind you. This is a good way
to never loso your grip.
Don't provaricate if a customer ex
pects a greater performauco from tho
goods you are showing than you know
thoy aro capable of. Loso tho salo
sooner than make misrepresentations.
It may work for a while, but later tho
sin will find you out; and to bo dubbed
a liar is equal to being known as a thief.
Honesty is tho best policy.
Remember that this world is poaplcd
extensively. Consider philosophically
that thoro is amplo room for all. This
point is quito essontial, as A, B and C
aro seoking to soil tho samo kind of
goods you aro handling, tind aro hound
to compoto in tho samo quarter. In or
der to disposo of your wares It Is not
necessary nor fair nor gentlemanly to
undervalue tho worth of your com
petitors personally, or tho quality of
the goods thoy manufacture Tho
consumor, whom you do not roach
directly, places tho amount of value on
tho manufacture from each factory.
Therefore, adhere strictly to tho Goldeu
Rulo.
These nro a fow of tho items recom
mended for your guidance If you
havo tho capacity in other ways, and
senso enough to pasto them lu your
gripsack and follow thorn, wo guarantee
you the respect of your employors and
courtesy of tho trade Richard B.
Wright, in Boston Budget
THE AMERICAN CABINET.
X l'cep nt tlio August Ilmly Wliuu As
Bflinliloil lor Dulllinrut Ion.
The President presides, seated at tho
head of tho long tablo, facing north; on
his right nro seated tho Secretary of
Stato, tho Secretary of War and Postmaster-General;
on his loft aro tho
Secretary of tho Treasury, tho Secre
tary of tho Navy and tho Attornoy
Genoral, and opposite to him, at tho
foot of tho table, is tlio chair of tho
Secretary of tho Interior. Tho private
secretary occupies a sent at a small
desk facing tho southern window and
near tho President. Tho arrangement
Is not in accordance with tho ordor of
precedonco observed by Congress in
establishing tho Presidential succes
sion. If tho Attorney-Gonoral and
Secretary of tho Navy should change
seats, bringing tho former fourth and
tho latter sixth tho rank alternating
across tho table tho order would bo
strictly correct
Tho sessions of tho Cabinet nro in
formal affairs. No persons except
thoso narnod aro permitted to enter tho
room during tho councils, and no
official record of tho proceedings is
kept. Tho buslnoss dono or discussed .
covers all leading subjects bolongingr
to tho various branches of administra
tion on which tho President may do
siro information or advice depart
ment roports concerning special mat
ters of importance, nppolntmonts to
ofllco, and quostions of gonoral admin
istrative policy. Edmund Alton, in St
Nicholas.
' m m i
A misfortiino muoh sought by young
men A young heiress.
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