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About The Oregon scout. (Union, Union County, Or.) 188?-1918 | View Entire Issue (June 8, 1888)
HELEN LAKEMAN;" -on, The Story of a Younjr Qirf a Struar ffU With Advorsity. " bt JOim x. jronox. urn cm or "Tnm DAxxan of Bnairoin," "Waltm mwitim," Era CoprrifliJ, Iff, kfJLJF. XUfoff 5V 04 "Amos, my tlciir little boy," ho said, "I have come to take you home with me. Do you want to go?" It was with an eflnrt, the little fellow said: "Yes yes, it's so nice there. The angels will come to 1110 there, and I'm goin' to die soon. They'll never come to take 1110 to iloaven if I die here." "You shall go at once," said Clar ence. 'Well, we'll see !" cried Hill Jones, with an oath. Ho stood in the door, his lists douched. The timid paupers lied at the lirst indications of hostili ties. Clarcnco was rash and indiscreet in this, as he showed himself to be in all other things. At a bound he struck the ruflian, Jones, a blow in t ho mouth, winch felled him to the ground. Jones was hardly prepared for such an a tack, and learned to his cost the power of Abat Herculean arm. Seizing the frightened child, Clar ence bore him to the buggy, sprang in and drove oil", leaving Bill Jones to vonder whether a thunder-bolt, or fall ing mortar had struck him. CLARENCE KESCUE3 AMOS. The little sufferer made no complaint on the road, though at' times his pain was excruciating. Hose and her mother met Clarence, who bore the sick child in his arms. The cleanest, whitest sheets, the softest bed and pil lows were prepared for him. Little Amos was too much exhausted to speak his gratitude, but from his pale face, and sad eyes, came the ex pressions of thanks. A 6inile spread over the wasted features, worn by suf fering, and ho whispered: "They come hero now they'll come again." "Who will come, little dear?" nsked Mrs. Stuart. "The angels they come to me before when I was here, and now, when I die. they will tind me, because you are good here, so good." "You will not die now, Amos, you must get well again, and be happy and hear the birds sing, and watch the lambs plav in the pasture, as you used to do." "No," said Amos, "I will never be well again here, but oh, 1 want to see ister Helen. She went off with a tt range man, and she has boon gone so long. Oh, why don't she come back?" "She will come back, Amos." "Hut I am going to die, and I want to see her before I do." "You must noi think of dying," said the kind Mrs. Stuart. "The doetor at the poor-house said I must die, and I want to see sister Helen before I go ; I want to 'kiss her once more and have her arms around me." "She will come home Monday," said Mrs. Stuart. She had determined to inuu'ee ner nusDana to go on Helen's bond should she bo committed by the magistrate. The preliminary examin ation would be on Monday next, and s'io could then be bailed out, if not acquitted. Amos wanted to know when it would be Monday, and Mrs. Stuart said it would be only two clays more. She called her husband in the room to see the little sick boy. Beneath that rugged exterior the farmer had a kind heart, and tears gathered in his eyes as ho bo held the littlo sufferer. Ifo sent Will, his youngest son, to Nevfcon for tho best, physician, and took a seat by tho bedsido of tho littlo cripple. "You look better, now," said tho boy, who noticed tho change in Mr. Stuart. "You don't frown at mo any more, you are not mad at Amos now." "No, my littlo boy, 1 was never mad at you." "Every thing is so bright; lam sure J am going to die, because every body is better, and tho angels aro coming." "No, no, Amos, you will not dio; you must live, ad I will give you a pony nnd fi jiiu) littlo lambs, and you shall stay here ajl tho time." The prospects of life wore so bright at tlieso promises that tho face grow hopeful. The doetor came, and Mr. Stuart met him in the hall, "Save that child, if possiblot dootor; if you have to dovoto ovory hour of your time to him." Mr. Stuart folt now that his stubbornness had boon tho cause of all this misery. He hated tho proud Mrs. Arnold and hor tulus of mild seaudal. The doctor said there was. but little hope Amos might live, but it tru very dmiblful. Lit lie Amos would sleep : few in.'iHi uiN. and then Mwako JMi l n-k if it as Monday, had Helen dine; "nil, would lie come liefer) liu dml J'lu- fatal Monday oauie. The doetor 'amo at one o'clock, and announced ;hat the child could not live long that ae was dying even then. "I know it," the littlo cripple said. "The angels are waiting to take me iway." Then his face would light up with a smile that seemed nothing less than a reflection of the beams from the open gates of Paradise. "There is only one thing I want," he said. "What is that?" asked .Mrs. Stuart. "Tell me what you wish, little dear, uid if it is in my power, it shall bo granted." 1 want to see sister Helen and toll her good-bye. Just let me see her once more before I go, that I can tell father and mother she is happy." Who could deny the request of the dying child. Clarence was ordered to harness the swiftest horse to tho light est vqhielo and drive, without regard to horse-llesh, to the village, lie must stop the trial and bring Helen there at all hazards, and to say that he, Mr. Stuart, would be responsible for the prisoner. Five minutes later Clarence was driving his swift-footed Prince at a dead run toward Newton. CHAPTKU JCXII. 5HK Til I A U Monday came, and it was a busy day at Newton. Sguirc Bluffers was busy. He sat in his easy chair at his table, his glasses mounted on his noe, and his pen went scratch, scratch, over some legal-looking documents before him. Tho sun was shining brightly, and the day promised to bo warm. The sheriff was busy returning his subpojuaes. which were many. Helen's lawyer had subpumaed a host of wit nesses to support her good character, while Mothers Tartruni and Grundy were on the side of Arnold, ready to swear they never thought her as good as she ought to be. The hairy mole on Mother Tartrum's chin seemed to tremble with indigna tion when she saw so many "who had allers tliot her a nice gal." Judge Arnold was also busy ; his short whiskers elevated to an almost horizontal position, dodging about from tins sheriff to the attorney for the State. Now he whispered some sage advico to the attorney, then he ran back to the sheriff, then to the attorney again and familiarly put his arms about his neck to draw his ear down, while he whis pered that mysterious something. Then the attorney would not', smile and feel flattered. What all this hob-nobbing, whispering and smiling was about, no one could toll. "What time is the case sot for, Squire?" Judgo Arnold at last asked, aloud. "Ton o'clock," answered that imper turbable dignitary of the law, without looking up from his writing. Ten o'clock came, and the sheriff, who had gone after the fair prisoner, entered with her. Mrs. Bridges ac companied her. "Poor child, you shall not go alone," the gooil woman said. "The Lord is very good to me in my afflictions," said Helen, devotedly. "I shall not be alone, for he will bo with me." "I know it, my child, I know it; but sometimes the prince of darkness rules." "His rule is brief," said Helen. "They can kill this body, but my soul is beyond their reach." The above was spoken aftor tho ap pearance of the sheriff, with tho an nouncement that it was time to "take up the case." Helen put on her neat little hat; Mrs. Bridges came to adjust it for her. Her face was pale, while one little curl in sisted upon hanging out coquettishly. though Mrs. Bridges tried to coiiliue it. "We'll just lot it go, my dear. I am sure you look sweeter by it," said the good woman, kissing her. "Now we are ready. Do not bo excited, child." Helen smiled, saying: MOTIIKIl TAKTKUM. uur natural impulses are sometimes beyond our control, und it makes but littlo difference how I look or act. If I am unmoved it will bo taken for hard ened guilt, if I tremble or woopit will be supposed to conio from a guilty con science. Tho Lord give mo strength to boar my burden is my prayer." There was just tho least lluttor as tho fair prisoner entered. A crowd of village loafers camo pour ing into the court room. The caso had caused considerable comment, and brought moro than tho usual crowd of lookers-on to witness it. Mr. Layman Jieokonod his beautiful client to his corner of tho court room, and tho hairy niolo on Mothur Tar trum's chin ngain trembled, and with ill-suppressed indignation slio espied tho ourl on tho broad, white brow. "Tho shameful thing she's triod to make herself look purty," sho whis pered to Mr. Arnold. "Guess they'll out hor hair off when they gut her tlm'r." Httlou's lawyer consulted with hor a few momenta, then deeidod to hum tho state's testimony, and, perhaps, waive lurtuer axaiuinVou. Thoy would bo iicttcr prepared for a crlmlnaf court trial, if they heard tho testimony of the State here. "Well, arc ye ready?" a.sked the jus tice. Miss Hallic Arnold was called. Her' red faco seemed redder than ever as she "stood up to be sworn." The oath was administered by tho justice in his usual slow, solemn manner, and she took the seat set apart for witnesses. Helen sat by her attorney, with Mi's. Bridges on the other side holding her hand. "I never did think much o' that Mrs. Bridges," said Mother Tartruni, "how kin she set by the side o' that thing, an' her a thief ?" Hallic Arnold was cool, self-possessed and gave an unwavering account of the disappearance of her bracelet. She then told of Helen Lakeman coining .to their house with a man, and of her next finding the bracelet in her carpet bag. There was just the least exultation on Ilallie's part as she told the justice about the poor girl's fall. The witness was at last turned over to the tender mercies of Mr. Layman. Mr. Layman wanted to know how long Helen had been at Mr. Arnold's house, before the bracelet was missing? She came the nightbefore. What time tho night before? It was dark or about dark. Was it dark? Hallic looked confused and said sho did not see her when she came. Who was with hor? A man. What was his name? Peter Starr, commonly known as "Pete, the peddler." Was any one else with her? Yes. Who? Speaking almost under her breath she said her lHtlo brother. Was not Pete carrying him? She. did not know, mother met 'em at the door. Did they have a cat at their house? Yes, certainly, and a titter went round the room, making tho hairy mole on Mother Tartrum's chin tremble. Did they have a kitten? The prosecuting attorney did not sec that this was rele vant, but the justice did. Yes, they had a kitten. How old was the kitten? Four or five months old. Was it a very playful kitten? It was, but was never known to open a carpet bag and hide away a gold bracelet. This produced a laugh at tho lawyer's expense, and Mother Tartruni clapped her hands for joy, while tho hairy mole on her chin was greatly agitated. The lawyer then a.sked Hallie if she knew who put tho bracelet in the ear pet bag? No, she did not. Did she do it? "No," very indignantly. She was dismissed and Mrs. Arnold sworn. Her examination in chief was the same as her daughter's. Then on cross-examination she admitted that it was not dark when Helen and "Pete, the peddler," came to her house. That Helen's brother was with her and both were soaked with rain. That Pete was a man of good character, and that they stated that Pete had found Helen and her little brother under a tree, and he volunteered to carry the littlo boy that far. She even thought that there might be nothing wrong in her coming there with Pete. Mother Tartruni at this point shook her head. Mrs. Ar nold stated that they had a cat, yes they had an old cat, and that old cat had two kittens, they were very play ful kittens too, but she had never known them to hide things in people's valises. Might not the bracelet have rolled from the dressing case? It might, she admitted, but it was not likely to roll into some other persons carpet bag. Had she ever heard Helen's character questioned prior to this event? Well, there had been some rumors. Mothers Tartruni and Grundy nodded their heads approvingly. What were they? She could not repent them, but they went to show that sho was not as good as she ought to he. Had she not helped to circulate these rumors? Sho might have repeated them. Had she not advised Mrs. Stu art to discharge Helen? Mrs. Arnold was confused, and stammered out something about its L-jing for tho good of the family. "Speak out, Mrs. Arnold," said Lay man, severely. "Did you, or did you not advise Mrs. Stuart to discharge her?" After a moment's confusion, she stammered, "yes." "And then employed her yourself?" The lady, still more confused, answered that she did. Sho left the witness stand greatly perplexed, but still clear as to tho bracelet being found in Hel en's possession. It was found among some handkerchiefs wrapped up in a piece of blue calico goods, now, and evidently iust cut off tho piece. The calico was produced. Sho had never seen it before; it was found in Helen's carpet bag, and Helen whispered to her attorney that she had never seen it either, until that fatal morning. Did not the goods really belong to Mrs. Ar nold? Sho said: "No." Mother Turtruni next took tho stand and said the "gal was no better'n sho art to be allers said she'd come to bad. Was not tho least bit surprised when sho hoard she'd stole a bracelet." On cross-examination, said she didn't think it nice for a "gal to bo runnin' about after night with men. What 111011 had Helen run about with after night? She heard sho went homo 0110 night with Warren Stuart from meet In'. Did not other girls allow young men to accompany thorn home from church? Tho hairy niolo trembled and hor oyea Hushed with rago. "Other gals didn't 001110 to people's housed with strange men 'way after night to stay all night." When had sho gone to any one's hoiwe with a strange man? Sho went to Judge Arnold's. This was thrown out with a lide glance of Ore. Did not Mrs. Arnold any that Helen and i'uto cume thuro before night? Mother Tartruin was oaught. Her THE HORSE'S SHOULDERS. How to rrtircnt Them From Hemming Unrn In MprlnRunil Summer. Sores on horses shoulders can bo previ nted. Galled shoulders argue Door management or nojilijionce. Pre vention is easier than cure; and pre vention must begin some weeks before hard spring work. It is one common fault of our farm management to allow the horses to be die nearly altogether throughout the winter, it takes a smart horse to earn more in live months than ho consumes ill twelve. More than 0110 farniei dlows his horses to take from him in winter what they iruincd for him in mninier. Work could be found during tho winter for the horses that would at east pay for their keep; and they would come to the spring work in much better condition for it their shoulder-, toughened and their muscles hardened. The horse that remains idle most of the time during the winter must hav its shoulders toughened in some way, else the lirst month of hard pulling will make galls. Tho best way to toughen the unused shoulders is to bathe them with strong salt water. This should be begun four to six weeks before spring work. 1 keep an old fruit can in the stable. Tie a rag irouud a corn cob. Throw a handful f suit in the can. till it with water, stir t till the salt is dissolved, and then ipply it with the cob-rag arrangement. The work can be done in a few minutes, 1 ml should be done each evening. This salt water bath should bo kept up after the horses are put to tho plow. Vs the harness is rem ved in the oven ug. wash the shoulder clean wlf.h clear vater, and then applf the saltwater. I'he horses will enjoy it much. It ools and eases the foverish. tired boulders. After employing this salt water bath for ten years, I am con vinced that nothing else is so good a preventive of galled shoulders. An ill-titting collar will produce alls as soon as the horse is kept at hard work. Harness is too carelessly "elected anil fitted; often it is not fitted at'all. Among horses' shoulders there is as great a diversity of shape as among men's noses. Whenever a col lar is got for a horse, the horse should be brought to the store that the collar may bo fitted. Make the merchant bring out every collar he has, if neces sary, to get a lit ; and if a fit can not be got otherwise, havo tho collar al tered. This can be done by making a slit along the groove wherein the hemes tit, opposite the spot on the face of the collar which is too prominent. Through tho slit enough of tho packing can be removed, and a few blows on the face of the collar will then reduce tho prominence. Next tho collar must be tilted to the hames or the hemes to tho collar. The latter is tho better when it can be done without making the hames too weak. Tho hames should be shaved down until they lit close to the collar at everv point. Throwing the collar into a pond for a week, oiling it with "rattle-snake grease." etc., is utter silliness But keeping it well oiled is a good preventive of galls. The oil keeps tho leathersoft and pliable, hence it is not apt to chaf the flesh, and is more inclined to adapt itself to the shoulder. 1-or oiling har ness 1 know of nothing else as good as a mixture of two parts pure neatsfoot oil and me part beef tallow. A little castor oil may be added if the mice aro inclined to nibble; but it is better to get a good momer than to use the cas tor oil. The collar should be cleaned of sweat and dirt each morning. A dirt- collar chafes. For cleaning, a dull knife for taking oil the rough and 11 cloth for the llnish are good Cloth pads to cover the entire face of the collar are now made, and are good Many collars have one sido harder than the other; obsorvo this and reject such collars always. Humane feelings asido, it is well to avoid galled shoulders. The horse with whole shoulders does more and better work. He starts quicker, pulls harder and more steadily, and does not give ui) m soon in a tight place, More, a very sore shoulder seriously affects the health of tho animal. The pain affects its nervous system, and lessens digestion and assimilation. The effect is of the same nature, though, perhaps, not so great as like pain would have upon you. John M. btuhl, in Country Gentleman. POINTS FOR LADIES. III11U nuit NuccriitloiiH ItErcllNt Late Ilrt-mt Niivrltim. Narrow gold braid is frequently sown into the necks and culls of gowns, instead of colored silk, canvas, or cuff and collars. Gimp and braid ornamentation, sold in sets of collar pieces, cull's and two graduated plastrons for tho front, are much used on colored jerseys, as well as on light spring material gowns. It is to bo had ill black ami almost every color. Dressing of morning jackets of surah have one side of the front hanging in tho usual way, ami the other side gath ered up and fastened across tho from onto tho opposite shoulder, with a fall of white luce hanging to tho waist corresponding with tho other side cf tho front. Opaline ribbon is a novelty. This is a watered ribbon of superior quality and shot or changeable, showing three tints, like the opal, and looks differ ently when placed in various lights. The newest polonaises are very long ami fully draped, tho entire ell'uct be ing that of slcndornuss. Frocks of light wool for Utile girls aro often iiiiulo with a velvet yoko, which U out low to wear over it gimp, the armholos being simply ourdod will), out sleeves, ami a velvet belt inserted, N, 1'. World WOMEN SPECULATORS. XYUy Stook llroker Do Not Like to Tnk TIifiii for Cimtomnr. "You can't find one broker in ten who would tako a woman's account," aid a well-known broker just after turning away a lady callor last week. " hy not? Ain't they big enough? " Some of them arc large. There is a woman 011 tho North sido who used to go In for a thousand shares at a crack. There is another at present in town who is really a big player in stocks, and sometimes has fGO.OOO and ?7,000 up In hor broker's hands. 1 here is another, tho widow of a rich railroader, who makes and loses $l'0. 000 at a time. But even tho account of tlieso big ones aro not sought after." "Don't thoy pay commissions promptly?" "Thoy havo to do that, tonimis- dons are charged up tho moment the trade is oponed." "Why, then, if women would mar gin their deals and keep thoir margins ood, is not their business catered to?" "Boeauso they aro kickers lirst, last md always. Ono woman will talk note about her trades, ask more qtios ions, come oftonor for advice and an noy a broker moro than twenty men. If they make money they give a broke r no peace, lliey want nun to go rigni iboad for them on his own judgment ;i thing reputablo brokers donotdo ex- ept in tho rarest instance and then not without some directions and for nobody but their oldest customers. If 11 woman loses, sho pays her losses in a manner that makes a man feel simply like the deuce. Ho has to say he s so orry, to sympathize and cry over what wasn't hts fault, but h.irs. If yon give her advice and it prorts bad brokers ire not infallible; if they were thoy wouldn't be brokers but speculators why she charges you with her loss and lon't want to pay. Another thing, the majority of women who speculate can't afford it. Tlu-y aro dipping into their savings. hen thoso are gone they are like as not to dip into others they hold in trust Speculation is bad for a man, but my experience proves that a woman who is bitten by it has the feViir twice as bad. Tho very last woman's account 1 had on my books taught 1110 how far woman will go. My fair client made a littlo money at lirst. Then sho plunged, of course It was up and down for awhile. Finally, it was down very much down with hor luck. She came to mo weeping, anil wanted 1110 to tako her diamonds as margin for ono more deal. Of course, I wouldn't do that. Well, she went away, but came back the next d'ry with some money, with out her diamonds, and accompanied by a villainous-looking beast, who stood by and saw tho money naid over before ho left. That stake she lost, too. Then she came into tho private office, anil after some hysterics said sho had borrowed the diamonds' full value from her companion of the previous day, on condition that she pay him beside his interest one-half the prof its she made in the ileal. If her husband found it out she was ruined. She begged my helj). Sho promised if 1 would she would overcome the fascination speculation had for her. and stay away for good. Well, the upshot of it was I trot her diamonds back by paying one-third more than they were worth, and gavo them to her as a bribe to keep hor promises She did keep her word, strange to say. She never entered my office or any other broker's afterward. Her husband never know of hor specula tions. I charged up tho cost of the diamonds to expense account and swore no woman's account, if it was worth $100,000 a year, would ever go on my books again." Chicaqo JJcra'd. COSTLY CLOCK-MENDING. A Ilontelmlilor'a i:xiirli-nrn with u l'crl piitntlc (JIonk-Tliiktir. "My wife is always lolling 1110 that I am not economical enough; so tho other day I thought 1 would try to be gin the practice of economy. 1 don't intend to try any more. " You remember that hoavy iron cased clock that used to stand on the mantol-pleeo in tho back room thoreP Woll, it got out of order a littlo while ago and stopped. Just after that one of those peripatetic clock-jinondors passed tho house, clanging his bell. I called him in and gave him tho clock to mend, thinking I would got the job done cheaper by him than If 1 were to tako it to a regular watch-maker's shop. "Now, as tho sholf is not quite level, two little pieces of wood had been placed under tho front edge of tho clock to keop it in position. After the man finished the job ho put the clock back upon the mantel-piece, neglect ing to put t'icse pieces of wood under it again. The consequence was that a few minutes after ho left we hoard a tremendous crash in the back room. Uunning in wo found that tho clock had fallen upon tho stove, smashing it and scattering the lire over the carpet. With dilllcnlty wo succeeded in extin guishing the Hames, ami when wo had recovered from our fright I sat down md figured up the cost of this attempt at cheap clock-mending. Tho rosul was about as follows: J 'aid to t luok.maker f 1 f. Clonk smuiilioa HI 00 Btovo Miiukliud 18 lJauuik'o to carput U Oil Totnl VM IX) I don't know whether 1 paid the man more than I would have boon charged in i shop for mending tho clock or not; hut 1 do know that if 1 had taken It to a reliable watoh-inaker lie would have placed it properly in po sition when lie returned it and l would ho about thirty-four dollars richer thuu 1 am." Jewelers Weekly. PERSONAL AND LITERARY. Georgo IL Sims, the author ot "'Ostler Joe" and a number of suc cessful plays, makes upward of $20,000. n yoar by his pen. Ho is fifty-on yours old iuhL was unheard of too. years ago. A monthly publication called the Cornell Magazine, of which Edward. Everett Hale, Jr., Is editor, has been, started at Cornell University. It is to bo conducted by tho faculty and stu dents jointly. Hoscoo Conklingwas a great lovor of poetry, and could repeat many verses from memory, not fragmentary lines or stanzas, but wholo epics, pago by pajre. His favorite poems were Lalla Hookh" and " Lady of the "Like." In the San Francisco free library- Is one of tho most remarkable worka ever given to tho world. It Is the Lord s Prayer in no less than 81 1 dif ferent dialects. The work was com piled by A. Amor, and published iu Vienna in 18 i t. F. C. Burnetii!, of London Punch, possesses remarkable skill as a von- triloquist. He was educated for a. Jesuit priest, but Ills inclination to play practical jokes with the vontrilo- piial power under his control brought him into disfavor with his superiors. An advertisement from a Prague (Hungary) newspaper is translated as follows: "A literary lady would like to moot a literary gentleman with a view to matrimony. Prose preferred. as tho lady is a poet, and contrasts generally harmonize host matrimo nially." William D. llowells, tho novelist, was a type-setter, and so was Bret Harte, and so was Mark Twain. H. IL Stoddard, tho poet, was a blacksmith, Frank Stockton was an engravor, and John (i. Whittier was a farmer with, slight interruption until ho was nearly thirty years old. There aro two old gentlemen em ployed on the Tribune who aro make ups of tho groat Horace Greeley; thoir hair, face, dress, actions are suggestive of tho great newspaper editor of tho. past, and this likeness is mado notice able and striking by the presence of a life-size portrait of Mr. Greeley hang ing against tho wall. The lato A S. Aboil, of tho Balti more Sun, was personally associated with Inventor Morse in the promotion of the magnotio telegraph. Tho Stm published tho lirst message sent oror the wires, then an experiment, bo tweon Washington and Baltimore,, and also published on May 11, 1818. tho lirst Presidential message over'ro ceived in that way. James Gordon Bonnott may woll bo called a citizen of tho world. He has a house in Now York, ono nt Now port, one in Paris, a oottago at Bourgi vnl, a chateau and farm thirty miles out of Paris, a villa at Nice, and n steam-yacht to tako him across tho ocean or anywhere ho wants to go. Mr. Bennett is woll on to lifty years of age, but he does not look it. His tall form is as straignt as an arrow, his. blue eyes as bright as an oaglo's, and Ids mustache a golden brown. Ilia hair, however, is very gray, ami ot oil' his florid complexion to the bast advantage. Mr. Uonno.tt drossos quiet ly but handsomely. HUMOROUS. If thirty-two is tho freezing point, what is the squeezing point? Two la. the shade. Puck. When Mri Hamlet remarked: "Eye. there's the rub," ho is supposed to have just got off a railroad train with, a cinder in his optic. Eclijncd Kxr change, In tho court room. "Why is it thoy aro so mighty particular about order hero?" "Tho judge, you remem ber, can only serve during good behavior."- Jtoston Tianscript. Dude (bad pay) "That Btrlpo looks well; so does this. What would you prefer for yourself if you wer choosingP" Long-suffering Tailor: "A. check." Philadelphia- Call. Barber (to customer) " Hair cut, sir?" Customer " Hair cut! Can't you sen that I wear a wigP" Barber "Oh, I beg pardon; so you do. Well. or have a shampoo?" JIarpar'a liazar. " You bad boy, you have made & grease-spot on the now sofa with your bread and butter," snld Mrs. Fizzlctop to her son Johnny. "Novor mind, ma, you can sit 011 it when there ia company In tho parlor," replied little Johnny. Texas Sitings. " Your sojourn in Texas Booms to have done you a great deal of good; must bo a lino climate." "I feel like a now man, but it wasn't tho climate; it was tho exercise." "We never could prevail on you to tako exerciso here." "1 was on tho jump nil the time in Texas." "Well, woll. Effect of the air?" "No; centipedes. Omaha World. Hayseed says ho doesn't think much of the city hotel-keepers. They have a big room magnificently Iltleil up and label it "Sample Hoom." This raises a fellow's expectations to the highest notch, but when hu is shown to a littlo sovoii-by-nino room at the top of the house ho finds that ho has beoii swindled. It is not a bit liku the sample. Boston Transcript. Johnny and his elder slstor made up tho class, and Johnny had come to rely on Ids sister's industry for hit les sons. "Johnny, upon what dees the earth rovolvoP" asked tho toauher. " Ax sis," replied Johnny, scratching his head to evoko an Idoa. "Correct." And as Johnny afterward explained it- 1 itAti ne tt 1 nt tut teiia flirt vvlluL . usi boyiu creutldu.H