OREGON SCOUT.
JOKES & CHABTCEY, FabKahers.
OF GENERAL INTEREST.
Smoking has boon completely for-
"bidden on any part of Cincinnati's
liorso cars.
The Now York Evening Post fig-
urea Uio cost of labor strikes for tlio
last year at 10,000,000.
A lady being questioned in court
tho other day as to why slio bad
changed her religion, stilted she had
done so because, being separated from
lior husband, she determined to avoid
meeting him in the next world.
Columbus, Ga., is the only city in
the South that has no morning news
paper. Persistent lovers thero do not
liavo to bribe the carrier; if they maku
it square with tlio milkman they can
Btay till it is almost time for breakfast.
b'oincrvillc Journal.
Jonauian lfoiistiii, a ragged old
man, of Decatur, Ind.. died recently,
mid the authorities ordered his clothes
1o bo burned. Uefore tlio order was
carried out the rags were examined,
and $200 in currency and $4,300 in cer
tificates of deposit to Uio Adams Coun
ty Hank were found.
Lovers of the waltz may celebrate
itfi centenary. Iho lust dance which
- could be described as a waltz was in
troduced to the public in an opera at
Vienna in 1787 by one Vieento Martin
y Solar (commonly called Martini lo
Spagnnolo), who was a popular com
poser at the court of Joseph II. ,
A water-rat weighing probably
more than two pounds was seen to go
to a brood of chickens and seize one.
The hen chased the rat and a desperate
Hml ensued, the hen eventually sue
eceding in killing it foe and rescuing
tlio chicken. Tlio latter appeared little
the worse for its strange experience.
In Tangipahoa Parish, La., is an
organization called tho "White Horse
men." Tlio members wear white
masks and whito uniforms, cover their
liorses with white cloths, and dovntw
considerable attention to negroes who
nro suspected of stealing. Tho last
one they whipped had just robbed a
smokehouse.
Tho haekmcn of Victoria, British
Columbia, subscribed $100 toward the
celebration of tlio Queen's jubilee at
that placo, but tlio hack ordinance was
'published in the Colonist, and thoy as
Hcrtod that this, by apprising visitors of
their rights, reduced the huckiueii's
profits, and they refused to pay tho
nionej' subscribed,
According to an analysis made by
a. chemist in tlio employ of the New
York 11'orW only twentv-six per cent.
of the milk sold in that city is adulter-
ntod by tlio sellers. It is the retailer and
Uio hotel and restaurant people who
givo it that pale blue tint so familiar to
iUl who have the hardihood to call for a
ghiHS. Detroit Free Press.
Ida Holes, who works nt a Reading
hotel, arose the other morning with a
slinging sensation in Iter head, fol
lowed by n terrible headache. She
went to a physician, who removed from
Jior ear an ugly-looking night bug,
about one-third of an-inch long. The
insect was one of the bugs often seen
Hying in tho vicinity of strong lights at
flight.
FINE TABLE LINEN.
Kemattfiil DohIkhh Wrought Upon tlio Mont
Kxiilltu Fiilirli'K.
'All tho uptown people have their
wn ideas regarding their table linen,"
said a well-known dealer recently.
"Nearly all the foreign countries niuu
wfncttiro talilo linen, and there is some
mrulo in this country, but there is a
marked dilforoneo between tho Scotch,
Irish, Dresden, (.Ionium and French
lotiis, which are considered tlio best
grades. Tlio dill'erence is not only in
texture, but In pattern. The French
loth is most fashionable. It dill'ers
from the others in being of much
lighter texture and more elaborate
decoration. Almost all tho cloths have
liirgo center-pieces.
Two favorite patterns nro the l'oin
peiiun and the Pois Medina. Tho con
tor of tho llrst is tilled in witli large
tMjuaro blocks and the bonier surround
Jug It is of triangles. TJio second is
omposed of medium sized balls and a
"bonier of larger balls, around which
ro twined myrtle leaves. Another
much-used pattern is tlio Caprice,
-which has a perfectly plain center and
is surrounded by large llowers. One
f Uio most expensive patterns is tlio
Jlirondolles. This linen is beautifully
mnrked. Tho border is a design of
rocks out of which are growing cat
tails, while in the center are small
nwallows. The birds are exquisitely
wrought. The feathers on (heir wings
urn so truo to naturo as to stand out in
u Unify mass. Tho cost of a set of
those, including a tablecloth and a
dozen napkins, reaches ouo hundred
dollars.
In so nio instances the linen Is cm
Im.ldored, and this increases the price
fourteen or llfteou dollars. A late
craze is for cipher monograms, ami
nearly nil the linen sent out isoinbrold
ored in that way. Some of the larger
families still stick to monograms, while
others of tho older stock insist upon
having their cont.s-of-arins embroidered
Jicivoii. Tho best French tablecloths
ami napkins nro nearly all woven at
Slerrc, In Franco. Tho work is done
entirely by hand. The llax from which
Uiu linens nro woven comes mostly
from tho neighborhood of Coutnil In
Flanders, whuro a lino variety Is raised.
It is so long ami slender as to require
support whllo growing. A". '. Midi
mud Express.
TROUBLES OF TOURISTS.
The ninlcultlcn In tho Way of Obtaining it
Tarcct In Naples.
Lot us supposo that on reaching
homo tho visitor hears that a parcel
from Knglatul awaits him at the rail
way station. Unablo to go himself, ho
sends his servant with the money, the
official receipt, and a written request
to tho station master to hand the parcel
to tlio bearer. That ought to sullicc,
ho thinks; but no one accustomed to
Neapolitan ways will be surprised to
learn that it does not. The bearer of
the note is unknown personally to tho
station master, and lie must be idonti
lied. Fortunately this is not a difficult
task, and a mutual acquaintance is un
earthed close by. Hut a now difficulty
is at onco forthcoming. Tin; parcel is
declared to bo of valuo, (though ob
viously only a suit of clothes,) and tho
signer must cither present himself in
person or appoint nu accredited agent
to deliver tho parcel at his house.
Next day, accordingly, the signor pre
sents himself; but hero again identifi
cation is required, and this time it is
attended with so much trouble that in
disgust ho accepts tho services of an
accredited agent. Tho following day
this gentleman presents himself
with tho parcel, and the satis
faction is tempered by the little
account produced with it. There is,
first of all, the cost of tlio carriage;
then tho ordinary customs; then the
town dues; then a charge for every
day that it has been lying at the sta
tion; then tho agents charge, his
tram, an extra sou or two because it is
warm day, and .a glass of wine to
wash it all down. On the next occa
sion when a parcel is sent from En
gland, our visitor determines that it
shall not bo sent as a thing of value,
and that it shall take its chance, but
only to find that it makes nodilfcrenee.
A now set of excuses is framed, and it
is not until tho authority has made his
little profit tiiat the parcel reaches its
destination.. Wo have ourselves never
yet been a bio to discover whether this
is legalized or illegal robbery, but on
one occasion wo endeavored to escape
the blackmailing by directing the par
cel to bo sent on by post. This was no
advantage; the gain appeared to be
transferred from the station-master to'
postmaster, though perhaps they went
halve. This latter was almost a gen
tleman in appearance, but he was not
above accepting an extra three sous,
which the steepness or the lull tnul
given him the excuse to ask for. Mur
rms Magazine.
THE TYPICAL AUSTRALIAN.
IIonpltiilltT of tho Well-to-Do (Iriizlera or
StiinittrrH of tho Antlpoilrit.
No man is more hospitable than the
well-to-do Australian. A visitor arriv
ing well introduced will bo passed on
from villa to villa, from country house
to country house, and from run to run,
sharing everywhere the most profuse
kindness. In a few weeks he will
hardly know who first started him on
the progress he Is making.
I hers is little snobbery in tho eoun-
try but as most of the people are ".self
made," the piirvenu is, of course, not
an unknown personage, though the
cin'uinstancesof the country and of the
people prevent him or her becoming
iiuto so objectionable as he or Hie
would be in an older condition of so
ciety. I ho squattors or graziers are die
aristocrats of the country, though some
of the successful of them have been
butchers and drovers, possibly even of
humbler or less reputable antecedents.
They are imbued with extremely terri
torial instincts, anil will refer to the
small farmer, "who selects" under the
colonial land laws a bit of the run he
leases from tho (lovoruinont, or the ir
revorontia! gold digger, as an English
'squiro would speak of a poacher, or a
many-acred peer of tho "city man" who
builds a "snug box" overlooking his
park wall.
et while tho hnglish 'squire is liko-
ly to talk of every thing rather than of
his rent roll or the balance he has at
Iho banker's, the squatter will hardly
fall to tell his visitor of what he has
got last summer for his wool, or what
lie expects to get this winter for the
fatoon which are grazing in the pret
ty but roughly kept paddock you can
wo from tlio veranda surrounding the
country house, which he built when he
ijot beyond the "hut" stage of brush
struggling existence.
Iho ladies are well educated, but
though charming company for a visit
or they are as a rule somewhat "loud"
mil inclined to exact the utmost defer-
Mice from all the male world around
'.hum and to repay it by as little vener
ition as possible, Nobody awes them,
s are the mistresses so are the maids,
vho have much of the pertness of such
fining persons, as exhibited in plays
mil on the stage generally. Lountries
rftho Worhl.
Ho Took It Coolly.
A Chicago traveler tells the follow
ng on a Philadelphia man :
lhev Mere sitting together on the
front steps of tho Philadelphia man's
residence when a tiro engine dashed
by, leaving in its wako a train of smoke
and sparks. Horses and wagons were
turned nut to tho curb with as much
speed and dexterity as could be com
manded, to make room for the big
horses as they dashed down the street.
In a few minutes a hose reel enino hur
rying down, tho horses fairly leaping
to reach the conflagration which was
now reddening tho sky. Next tho hook
ind ladder wagon eamo thundering
town tho street. The Philadelphia man
wntuhod it till It was out of sight and
then turning to his companion quietly
roni'M'ked
"There must bo n lire soniouhurc"
- MeixmU TiruvciV-
THE PITCHER'S ARM.
A New I'll stologlcat Development for llniu
Hull rerlLrmnt-H.
A now plrysiological development hat
Conio from tho introduction of modern
curvo pitching, and is known as the
"pitcher's arm." Just as scrivener's
paralysis is produced by using certain
muscles in excess, tho pitcher' a arm is
tiio result of tlio peculiar motion which
tlio modern pitcher uses to give the
ball that long-doubted twist which
alone seems able to strike out the op
posing batsman aud earn the pitcher's
salary.
Dr. Lcuf, of Philadelphia, discusses
this subject in a manner deserving the
attention of all present base ball lights
and of tho more j-outhful aspirants for
tlio future. Dr. Lctif estimates that a
pitclu r averages about one-hundred and
eighty pitches in a game, in each of
which the ball is delivered with almost
all possiblo speed. With tlio manner
of producing tlio curvo tho readers of
tlio Sun are already familiar, but the
special muscles engaged and affected
by tho process of curving are so lucidly
discoursed upon by Dr. Lcuf that we
will follow his'words in their most im
portant bearing. IIo defines the seats
of trouble when the incurve, tho out-
curve, the down-curve, and tho up
curve liavo been resorted to in excess,
as follows:
Tlio in-curvo calls into action most
particularly the pectoralis major, tin
biceps brachialis antieus, and flexor?
of the forearm. The outrourve affects
Uio pectoralis major, coraeo-braehialis.
infraspinatus, teres minor, and ulnar
muscles. The down-curve strains most
especially tho pectoralis major, trapez
ius, deltoid, and serratus inagnus.
The up-curvo is mostly caused by the
pectoralis major, biceps, and supinator
brovis.
If Larry Corcoran iiad but known
that his trouble lay in the ooruoo-bra-
challis, or in his infraspinatus,
wouldn't he have dropped his outcurvr
like a hot potato until tho crumbling
foundation of his fame and fortune had
got well?
The up-curvo also strains tho lattissi-
musdorsi. All curves strain the elbow
Joint and tend to separate the ratlin
and the capitolluni of the humerus,
l'he constant necessity for quick twist.'
of the elbow have a particular unfor
tunate effect upon the brachialis audcu.s
AIks for the brachialis!
Dr. Lcuf maintains that the bones of
a pitcher's arm may be seriously
affected. The constant strain upoi
tho bono by the pulling tendons pro
duces inflammation and calcareous do
posits, and the periiuteum being pulled
about hypertrophy of tho subjacent
bone follows.
.These are only tins principal points
of Dr. Loufs thesis. In regard t.
treatment, regular exereiso is-recom
mended. Do not pitch too swiftly whei
you have an "olf day;" when you do
not feel able to do yourself justice,
don't try to pitch hard. Let youi
average be less considered than youi
arm, but to be in good form a pitchei
must practice about an hour morning
and afternoon, Sundays included. All
exercise must be taken in the sun. If
the thermometer is below sixty vigor
ous pitching is riskv, and the danger
increases as tho temperature falls.
.Never use liniments, lliey are no
rood. Hubbinir is bad, too. Hot
water is jrood, as is also mild galvan
ism.
Alas, how many famous arms are
now comparatively quiet, and their
owners no longer figures lor populai
admiration on account of a "pitcher's
arm. How many brilliant reputa
tions have been ruined through the
ignorance of or contempt for facts and
principles which Dr. Lcuf lays down
witli such experienced authority. Let
us trust that his precepts will bo
heeded. In that case the ball field
now so strewn with the wrecks of
twirlors may be trod by an unbroken
list of capable and unsluggiiblo pitch
ers, each with sound arms aud a salary
of $10,000 a year. .V. Y. Sun.
A Ball Club Manager's Lot.
The life of a base ball manager is n
strange one. if his team is winning
right along lie is left alone, and what
ever credit there may be goes to tin
team. If his team commences to lost
he is blamed and the team excused fm
the poor work. Last season, notwith
standing the most determined elforts, I
was unable to get a winning team to
gether, and was criticised severely by
press and public. This year, through n
combination of good luck, 1 gathered a
good team, and now the credit goes to
the team aud not to me. It is true in
mind is easy, as the press can not criti
cise me, but the credit of gathering a
winning team is never given, although
the team, as such, engrosses tho atten
tion of press aud public. Surely a
base bull manager's ttik is a thankles?
una. Manager Hitmen, in Jiidtinwn
Sun-
n i
Hints for Pall-Bearers.
When a man is asked to act as a
pall-bimrorat a funeral he ought to seek
out tho other pall-bearers before they
assume their crape and their mournful
air, and practice the lock-Mop with
them for an hour or so, or at least until
he can bo confident that thoy are going
to keep step when they lift up tho cof
tin ami start off with It. 1 was a pall
bearer recently, aud my arms and
knees pain mu now with tlio recollec
tion. When a party of pall-bearei
take up a cofllu aud step out of time,
tho weight coined principally upon the
two end bearers, and it is no easy thing
for two men to sustain by tho shiiri
handles of a collln tho weight of the
onskot Itself and the, uorpso within,
St- Louis Globc-IkmOiriL
TORNADOES- AND CYCLONES.
Tho Dlnorenco In tho Vonmitloii of Tor-naUo-Whlrl
nml Whirl iVlucU.
When the conditions of atmospheric
instability have given birth to n tor
nado, tho fact is announced to tho ob
server by a sudden gathering of dark,
swift-whirling clouds, from which de
pend a writhing, serpout-liko body
formed of condensed vapor. This
writhing column extends rapidly
downward until it touches tho cardi.
When it attains the surface it becomes
audible from tlio violent rending ac
tions which it creates upon that sur
face. As soon ns iho whirl is created
it begins to move away generally
toward the northeast for tho evident
reason that the upper c.old layer f air
against which it originates lias, in the
iu rtheru hemisphere, a movement in
that direction. In its patli over the
surface the circling movement of the
writhing air and tho sucking action of
tho partial vacuum in tlio central por
tion of tho shaft combine to bring
about an cxtrenio devastation. On
tlio outside of the whirl the air, which
rushes in a circling path toward tho
vortex, overturns all movable objects,
and in the conter theso objects, if not
too heavy, arc sucked up as by a great
air-punip. Thus tho roofs of
houses bodies of men and animals
may bo lifted to great elevations, until
they aro tossed by the tumultuous move
ments beyond the limits of the ascend
ing currrenfs and fall upon the earth.
Whoro tho center of the whirlwind
passes over a building the sudden de
crease in tlio pressure of tho outer air
often causes the atmosphere which is
contained within the walls suddenly
to press against the sides of the struct
ure, so that these sides are quickly
drivon outward as if by a charge of
gunpowder. It is not unlikely that
the diminution of pressure brought
about 1y tlio .passage of the interior of
tho whirl over a building may be about
as much as is indicated by the fall of
four inches in the barometer. This is
equivalent to a change In the pressure
amounting to nbout three hundred
pounds to the f-quaro foot. This force
operates to burst out the walls of a
building. It is not improbable that
the diminution of pressuru may be
much greater than this, but even tho
amount named is sulUcient to account
for tho bursting out of the frail-walled
structures which these devastating
movements encounter in thu western
parts of tho United Slates.
Tho way in which theso tornado
whirls aro formed dill'ers in certain es
soin ial particulars from the way in
which whirlwinds tire created, as has
been well shown by Prof. Kerrel. The
most important points of difference are
as follows: The dust-whirls are duo to
the boating of a thin layer of air next
the ground. Tho small mass of this
layer prevents its upward whirling
from bringing about any powerful
movements of the atmosphere. I'i tlio
tornado the heat of tho lower air has
dilfcront origin. When a cyclone
passes over the surface of the country,
certain peculiar movements of the at
mosphere which it produces bring
largo volumes 'of the wariB aud moist
ened air to the earth's surface and
overlay them by a cool stratum. This
layer of warm, moist air tends to rise
up for Iho same reason that the thin
layor of dry air which forms tlio dust
whirl is inipoloil upward, but on ac
count of .its groat mass the intensity of
the upward lirgenee is far grcatcV. In
the sand-whirl tlio upward motion be
gins closu to the earth's surface, for
tho reason that tho stratum which is
inipoloil upward is very thin, but in
tho tornado the stratum of heated
air is usually about a thousand
feet thick; therefore its whirling
action naturally originates at the up
per surface of the hot layor. for it is at
that point tho upward motion begins.
Starting in this upper region, the whirl
extends progressively downward, just
as in tlio bath-tub tlio whirl extends
progressively upward from tho point
at which tho motion originated, until
the wind may touch the surface of the
earth. When these whirls begin they
only involve a small part of the air
about the point of origin, and so the
acquired velocity of tlio particles when
they coino to thu center is not great,
but gradually they suck air from far
ther and tardier away. A the field of
supply becomes larger, aud the par
ticles move from a greater distance,
they approach that center with greater
peed, aud the spiral widens and turns
with accelerated velocity.
Fortunately tho paths of tornadoes
are ordinarily very narrow the wid
est have a diamotor of loss than two
miles; die narrowest of only forty feet.
In most cases a tornado is seriously
destructive over a width not' exceed
ing five hundred feet. Tho length
if tho tornado's path across
the country does njjt commonly exceed
thirty miles, and it gouerally traverses
the distance iu about an hour. When
die upward corkscrew motion of tlio
outer part of the spiral and tho swifter
uprush of die air through the central
shaft have drained awav tho most of
the warm air which gave- birth to the
motion, tho tornado dies away. The
iquiUlu'iiuu of thu air-masses is for a
dine restored, tho heavier air has fal
len down upon the surface, and the
warm air, spreading literally as it at
tains the level to which It tends, conios
Into a statu of quiet. Assuming the
width of the destruction brought about
by the storm at six hundred feet, and
tho length of its jnurnoy at thirty
miles, wo find that thu area of its de
vastation amounts to abuutwo thou
sand acres, or to a square area about
two mites on a side. Over this aroa tho
destruction Is ordinarily mora com
pinto limn dint which occurs in the
most severe earthquake. .V. S.
SAiter, tn Scrtbicr'i MugaMtut.
THE WORLD'S BIG GUNS.
Soino of tho Monter Unlit for tlio Shlpt
anil ForM of Foreign Powers.
The progress of thirlyyears in con
structing Ii avo guns has boon' extraor
dinary, 'fiic largest pieces found oi
war ve-s -Is i i 18G0 throw a ball weigh
ing sixty-ei- lit pounds, with nn init a
Velocity of 1,570 feet per second am
an energy of 1,100 foot tons. Now
initial velocities in high-power gun
have been increased to 2.100 foot; pro
jectiles at. tiio maximum weight a
2.300 pounds, and iu some cases an
piopelod by charges of nearly half n
ton of powder, whilo tho 110-ton gum
of tho Hen How reach an energy ol
about CO 000 foot tons.
Passing over tho triumphs obtained
by intermediate calibers, which wen
remarkablo in their day, we find that
tho largest French steel guns, such a
are used for the armament of tin
Terrible, completed a't Hrest, tin
Heqiiin, built at Hordeaux, th
Indomitable, built at L" Orient, and the
Caiman, finished at Toulon, w eigh each
about seventy-six tons. They deliver
a projectile weighing 1,710 pounds,
with a muzzlo velocity of 1.739 feet
per second, and a muzzle energy of
30.000 foot tons. Tlio guns aro rifled
breechloader-?. Thu French have other
powerful guns, those constructed on
the Hango system being well known.
Thu Armstrong gnu now mounted
for service in the Italian armor-clad-Dtiiliou,
Dandolo, Italia and Lopanto
weigh 100 tons each, and throw a pro
jectile of 2,000 pounds. Theso have
long been familiar, but tlio la ci
breach-loading guns aro improvement
over the early muzzle loaders. Tie
most powerful of them take a powdei
ehargo of about 772 pound, and have
an initial velocity of 1.835 feet pel
second and a muzzle energy of 51.0)1
foot tons. Guns of 105 tons have als
been made at Elswick for the Frances
co Lauria, the Andrea D nn and the
Morosiui. In these the weight of the
charge is 90) pound, the wuiglit of
the projectile 2.000 pounds, the nuizz'e
velocity 2,019 feet per secoud.lho muz
zlo energy 5(!,5i7 foot tons. These
will undoubtedly prove most formida
ble weapons.
The largest Krupp gun weighs near
ly 119 tons. It is over 4(5 feet long,
has a caliber of In inch.is, and fires a
shot weighing 2 31 1 pounds, with a
muzzlo velocity of 1.800 feet. The
maximum elevation gives it a range
of nearly 7.V miles. Its power of pene
tration into wrought iron is estimated
at about 41 inches at tho muzzle, 21
inches at the distance of 1. 100 yards,
and 30 inches at 300 yards. At the
distance of 3 miles its striking avcrniro
i s ill about 28,030 foot tons. The
Italians have two of those guns mount
ed in a shore battory, for which pur
pose they are intended.
The K iglish 110-ton gun. manufact
ured at Ivswiek, is about H feet long,
and its actual weight 217,785 pounds.
The screw block, removed iu loading,
weighs 2 tons. Tho pr j"ctile i a
bolt weighing 1.800 pounds, and 10
inches in diameter. With 850 j oin (K
of powder the actual muzzle velocity
attained was 2.078 feet, and tho muz
zlo energy 31 000 foot tons; so that
with 950 pounds, which tho gnu is con
structed to use, an energy on tho pro
jectile of G2 700 foot tons is ex
pected. The recoil of the gun is
very small. The Hritish also liavo a
powerful new gun iu their 63- ton
steel breechloader, which will bo car
ried on the Ito Inoy. It is expected to
throw 13-iiich shot, of 1,2)0 pounds,
with a powih r char -o of 580 pounds,
and to attain 2,100 feet, muzzle
velocity. S'lO'ild theso expectations
be realized, this gii'i, though much
lighter, will bo. more destructive than
the 80-ton gun of the Indexible, vdiicli
takes apr jeciilo of 1.70J pouudsw'ith
a cartridge of 450 pounds, reaching a
muzzle velocity of 1 GOO feet.
It is said that the next stop at
tempted in hoavy gun construction
will bo that of a 150-ton monster, this
ptvjoet being attributed to the Essen
works. It would throw a shell six feet
long, weighing a ton and a half.
There are a'so some guns under con
struction which are oxpooto 1 to ac
complish great results on somewhat
now theories, as in the case of the one
manufactured for Colonel Hope. Tills
is to take an enormous powder charge,
and to have, correspondingly great
penetrative clfct. Hit without going
into the possible successes of tho
future, thoso which have already been
achieved aro sufficiently astonishing.
.V. Y. Sun.
In tho Whito mountains thero is a
great ravine known as "Tho (Julf of
Mexico," where the snow lies unmelt
ed far into tho summer. 'Frederick
Levitt, a young Hostonian, being am
bition, to tako a snow slido on the
Fourth of July, wont to the top of the
snow bank iu tho ravine, and started
to slido down. Tho snow was so hard
and slippory he could not control his
speed, and was thrown headlong over
tho jagged rocks and fell a distancco
of one hundred and twonty foot, Ho
was badly Injured; but, strange to say,
not a limb was broken, and it was
thought that ho might rooovor. X Y.
Ledger.
A woo young lady of about three
years, who livos on the North Side, has
a brother who has arrived at tho period
of cigarettes and slang,, and w hoso ex
pressions aro quickly caught up by the
little girl. Sho was very much put out
by tho rain, which continued for sev
eral days early In thu mouth, and one
day sho sorrow fully asked her mother,
"Mntmun. who makes It wainP" He
tng told that It was God, sho snid: "In
my prayers to-night. luttinmn, I shall
ask Dod to turn ofll" CJticugo TVii.
une.
HUMOROUS.
Cold Comfort "Has tho trail
started?" asked a belated passenger,
as he rushed up to tho station at
Bridgeport. "Yes," answered a benevolent-looking
ol I lady, "but it will
stop at New Haven."
"I want to be an angel." sang a
female voice in a side room; and, there
upon, a heartless wretch in an adjoin
ing apartment broko fordi witli:
"Johnnie, get your gun, get your gun,
gun gun." Boston Transcript.
City Girl "Arc Uiofo great strong
cows over there yours, sir?" Farmer
"Yes, iiium"; and they aro tho
strongest iu this section." City girl
"Then you must be the man that makes
that awfully strong butter, ain't you?"
The Result of Tight Lacing.
There Is a young girl out nt Do, Do, J
And her l-ioks thoy were salil to oe so, so; j
Hut sho sjollt liur dear faeo
Uy her corset's tlfjht laco
Anil now sho can get nary beau beau.
-SpringJield Jlcpublican.
"My dear old friend, how wcro
you able to acquire such an im
mense fortune?" "By a very simplo
method." "What method is that?"
"When I was poor 1 in ado out that I
was rich, and when 1 got rich I niado
out that I was pcor." Texas Siflinqs.
Lawyer (to his client) "Did you
ever try to settle this matter with tho
plaintiff?" Client "Yes, I did all I
could to settle it." Lawyer" What
did lie say?" Client "Ho told me to
go to the devil." Lawyer " Well,
what did you do then?" Client "Why,
then I came to you!" JV. Yy Ledger.
"Excuse me, sir," he said, "but
you are Miniething of a reading man,
are you not?" "O, yes, sir. I
often read half the night through."
'1 thought so. I am .seldom mistaken
iu judging character. You have a pas
sion for literature, I suppose?" "Not
exactly; I'm a proof-reairer." X. Y.
Sun.
Professor "To-day you made
another spectacle of yourself. I am
much displeased witli you aril wish to
remark that to-morrow I will punish
all of you severely unless you are so
quiet that a mouse can lie heard to run
across the lloor." A Scholar "If you
please, professor, shall 1 bring a mouse
with me iu the morning. Tid-Ilits.
Boarding-House French. Mrs. A.
(who is taking French lessons). "Now,
Bridget, whvn Prof. Hlanquu comes
you must say Entrcz' to him, and ho
will know what you mean and coino
into the parlor." (The bell 'rings, and
Bridget goes to the door. It is tho
professor). "Ontario," says Bridget.
"Wud ye walk into the pairler. sir?"
(The professor walked in and Bridget
reported her triumph to the cook.)
Harpers Itazar.
HEi MISCELLANEOUS.
Thompson "Jones seems to bo
very popular. I wonder what's tho
reason?" Johnson "It's all duo to
the way he greets a man." "Yes?"
"Nine times out of ten he says: 'Let's
have something.' " Pittsburgh Dis
paleh. The Norfolk News tells of a young
man named Charles Swedenburg who
is charged with stealing fifty-two dol
lars from his widowed mother. He has
not 1)0011 examined. IIo can never bo
successfully examined without the aid
of a microscope.
A beautiful geyser has belched
forth at the Upper Basin, near Mam
moth Hot Springs, Wyoming. It throws
a stream into the air 150 feet in height.
It is located two hundred yards front
the Spasmatie, and is one of tho grand
eat on the formation.
"Jenkins "Don't you enjoy tho
conversation of Blufkins? I tiling him
an illimitable talker." Smith "O, yes,
1 like it; but there is one thing ho can't
do that I would enjoy much more."
J. "What is that?" S. "Keep his
mouth shut." Boston liudgct.
Quito a number of persons crossed
tho Arkansas river tho other day :t
Garden City to see a herd of buffalo
now grazing on the prairies. There
are about thirty young calves and one
or two cows in the herd. The owner
intends making an effort to cross them
with domestic cattle.
To Regulate
THE
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