PA ItXELL IS DEFEATED.
111$ Amendment to the .tddre.it In lleply to
the Queen EeJeeteJ.
London special: Mr. Parnell'a amend
ment to (ho address replying to the queen'i
speech was rejected in the commons to
night by a vote ol 304 to 1S1.
Lord Randolph Churchill announced that
it was the intention ot tho government to
oppose the abolition ol tho secret service
fund, which nmnunted to 10,000 lnstyear.
Mr. Thomas Sexton, who was loudly
cheered as ho arose to follow Lord Church
ill, said that tho government enjoyed great
advantage in regard to Mr. l'nt noil's
amendment because, besides having the
power and emoluments of ofllco they were,
by tho nid cl tho casualties, relieved of the
necessity of forming a, policy in tho cabinet
and defending it in debate. He regretted
to notico that Mr. L. Chamberlain was not
in his neat, but he wns not surprised at his
absence. Tho failure to bo present ho re
garded as n questionable example of ISrit
ish pluck. Mr. Chamberlain showed what
confidence ho had i.n his cry by runninc
away. I.nuu'hter. lie regarded a speech
by Mr. Chamberlain as a positive advan
tngo to his opponents. Mr. Chamberlain
was what might bo called a political mis
doer, and only needed sullicient opportu
nity to execute Iiq ends of public justice
upon himself. Ifr. Sexton spoke, about
two hours.
Mr. Chamberlain entered tho house
shortly nf,,er Mr. Sexton began speaking
and remained until tho conclusion of the
speech, lie did not, however, arrive sulll
ciently early to hear tho part of Mr. Sex
ton's speech winch was mostdirectiy to his
own.
' Sir William Hart Dyke, Sir William Ifar
court, and Sir Michnel llieks-llcach also
spoke on tho amendment. Mr. Harcourt
declared that tho homo rule and purchase
schemes of tho lato government were not
inseparable. Irish cheers und conserva
tive tountcr cheers.
I'ariiell's amendment wns rejected, !50l
to 381. Loid Hartington, ClinmlK-rlnin
and tho unionists supported the govern
ment. Sir William Vernon Harcourt ab
stained from voting, and Mr. Morley voted
with tho minority. Tho announcement of
tho resul'. caused little excitement.
OLAIjSTO.Vk's PAMPHLET.
Gladstone's promised nainphjet on tho
Irish question lias just been issued. It is a
lengthy document and somewhat siiuilarin
stylo to his brochure on the Unitarian
atrocities. At the outset ho compares tho
pamphlet to an apology ho wrote on his
chango of attitudo in regard to tho Irish
church, but continues: "In tin f resent case
1 have no such change to vindicatebutonly
to point out t!u mode by which my Inn
giingo and conduct have been governed by
uniformity of principle. I have simply fol
lowed tho various stages by wbic1 thequcs
tion of autonomy for Ireland lias been
brought to the stage of ripeness for practi
cal agitation."
Tho pamphlet forcibly argues throughout
in support of tho well-known views of Mr.
Gladstone on tho homo rule and land pur
chase question, and declares thu writer's
ut most belief that It eland has now lying
beforo her a broad and oven way in which
to walk in order to consummate her wishes.
"Ileforo her eyes," lie concludes, "is
opened Hint sumo path of constitutional
and peaceful action, and of steady, free and
full discussion which has led Kngluud and
Scotland to tho achievement of all their
Pacific triumnhs."
some u-asiiixgtox GOSSIP.
Cadet Taylor, chief clerk of the govern
ment printing olllce, hnH resigned, and Mr.
Hounds, public printer, has appointed Gil
bert Benedict, of New York. Tho latter is
a brother of Mr. Benedict, whom tho presi
dent has selected to succeed Mr. Hounds,
and ho is oxpected to assume the duties of
ids now place at once. The now public
printer will relievo Mr. Hounds on tho lGth
of September.
Tho "black list" of credtors and debtors
of tho government, which has just been
published in response to a resolution of tho
house, adopted hist January, is an inter
esting volume. It was compiled by H. A.
Pish) assistant treasurer of tho United
States, and consumed tho best part of six
months in its preparations. Tho book
shows that there is owing to the govern
ment !$2.vS00,l!)l. l0, divided among tho
following bureaus: Treasury disburse
ments, $12,S77,i)0;.r:); customs service,
$-l,0!):i,!IS7.-10; internal revenue, $:t,S()0,
aiia.89; diplomatic servi.e, SI. 101.0-11.72;
sales or public lands. S1.8U,:U2.01; inte
rior department, 0011, 01-1. fit; judiciary,
?-lS(i'J57.r0; captured and abandoned
prop rty, 527,G!j5. 77. Much of this in
debtedness results from embezzlements, de
falcations and disputed accounts. Those
debts run from a few dollars up to millions.
Tho largest amounts charged up against
any ouo man is tho sum of SI, 20,", 0155. 00
charged up against Sainuol Swartout. who
was collector of customs at Now York un
der Van Union in 18ISS.
High oillcials of the state department de
cline to mako any statoment about tho
Sedgwick incident. Odiclal dispatchoshavo
been received, however, from tho City of
Mexico, tho naturo of which rondars it im
possible to keep tho matter a t-ecret. Tho
Bcnudnl is of much moment and its details
aro boing whispered about in tho depart
ment corridors.
A 1'HrXTEH'S I.OXG LEAP.
New York dispatch: Lawrence Donovan,
a printor employed on a weekly paper,
jumped from tho Brooklyn bridgo for a
wager of $500 at 3:50 tills morning. A
boat was in tho rivor containing some
friends, who picked him up. Ho was not
injured by tho jump. Donovan, who mado
the jump from Brooklyn bridgo, was a
pressmnn. Tho jump was made on a bet
of $500 between Donovan and Freeman
Heid ot tho pressroom, whoro tho plan wns
formed to leap two weeks ago. The d s
tance from the bridgo to tho water is 120
feet. Soon after being picked up ho said:
"I wentstrnightdown straightas a plumb
line, and d;d not lose my senses. It seemed
ft long time going down as many minutes
as seconds but I didn't swerve or turn
from u straight line. I struck the water
with n. big splash and went straight
through. 1 wns well provided with pad
ding, so that no harm could come to me.
. When I came to tho surface I was notes
pjiausted. I was ablo to swim 100 yards or
so to tho bunt. They pulled tue in, when I
was arrested."
HEADY TO 1CEEP PEACE.
Belfast, Aut?. 27. At $, meeting of
Orangemen last night It was decided to
again oiler the mayor their nshrtance fn
restoring order. The meeting condemned
the misconduct of the police, but repudl
atcd the action of those who had defied the
military and the police. Tbey also pro
tested against the charge that Orangemen
were responsible for the riots and declared
them to be utterly untrue.
Nelioii proposes to invest $10,000 in
-water works at an early day.
aircx a nor at. iiecepiiox.
Prlnee Alexander Gtren an Oration by tin
German ami Poles.
Lr.MnEito, Aug. 27. l'rlnce Alexander ar
rived here this afternoon. He was received at
tho railway by Court Marshal Itoldscl and
Court Cbap'ahi Koch. On appearing at the
window of the railway carriage he was given
an ovation by thousands of Germans and Poles,
who raised enthusiastic cheers, waved hand
kerchiefs and hats and indulged in other joy
ful demonstrations.
On alighting tho prince was presented with
a bouquet by a little girl. Tho prince khsed
tho child amid enthusiastic cheering. The
crowd escorted the prince, when a journalist
delivered a short address of welcome, con
cluding with the word. "I'erlsh the traitors."
Then the people escorted him to his hotel.
The town was brilliantly illuminated to-niglit.
A torchllirht procession was held to-night
fn honor of l'rlnce Alexander and the prince
appeared on a balcony of Ins hotel to acknow
ledge the plaudits of tho people and was
receied with the greatest enthusiasm l'rlnce
Alexander is accompanied by his brother
Prince Francis Jocph.
UfSSIA NO ENUMV Or ALEXANDER.
As a result of the understanding reached by
the adherents ot Prince Alexander at Sofia anil
Tirnova, a council of regency lias been formed
comlstlm: of Messrs. StamuoulotT, GlovcscofI
and Natcsovich. Colonel Moutkouroft has
been appointed commander in chief as long as
the state of siege lasts.
Fuanklnsiuh, Gekmant, Aug. 27, M. De
Gicrs lias issued a clrcu'ar declaring the czar
did not approve the methods employed In de
posing Alexander, lie says ho was as much
surprised as an) holy over the event and Hus
fla was the llrst to urge the reversal of that
action. The promptness with which the Bul
garians acted shuns their friendliness for Hus
sla. Do Glers pays hich tribute to Alexander but
thinks he Is not the man to govern Bulgaria
and hopes he will vohmtailly renew the abdi
cation forced uixin him.
Bismarck and Do Glers had a conference to
day, after which the former departed fir Mer
lin. OERMAN STUDENTS n VCK ALEXANDER
Berlin, Aug. 2". A formidable movement
In favor of Prince Alexander is on foot
among the students of Germany and It is their
Intention to present him with an address of
sympathy upon his arrival at Darmstadt.
Hundreds of dispatches expressing symuhathy
awaited Prince Alexander on ids arrival at
I.cmbeig. During ids passage through the
Russian territory he was subjected to many in
conveniences and petty annoyances. Ho" ar
rived at Lcmberg without any" baggage what
soever, having with lilm nofeven a change of
clothing.
Berlin', Aug. 27. Prince Bismarck had re
peated Interviews to-day with M. De Glers at
1'rankcnsuad and afterward started forllerlln.
Count Kaluoky has not yet arrived at
Frankensbad.
It is stated that KnnkoH has been badly
wounded in a street row at Sofia.
SEnoEwicic's mo spiwe.
A City of Mexico special says: A. J.
Sedgcwick, Secretary Bayard's special en
voy to Mexico, has been hero sincb Inst
Monday. .Tho Mexican press noted tho ar
rival oT Mr. Sedgowick as special envoy of
the United States and at tho snmo time an
nounced that Sedgowick had unlimited
credit at tho banking houses in this city,
nnd that he, accompanied by a lot of
young Mexican bloods in this city, enjoyed
himself immensely one night at tho Jockey
Club. Drinks wero free and Special Knvoy
Sedgowick was in high clover. Ho soon be
came hilarious and finally, it is asserted,
that while he wns "full" the Mexicans
decked him out with llowors, and placed a
big bouquet in Ilia top of his lint. Alter 0
o'clock in the morning the inmates in tho
Turbido hotel were aroused by twenty or
more of tho Mexican gilder youths, all sing
ing and shouting, and they led in Special
Envoy Scdgewick in triumph, decked outns
a prince nod ho nodded ids acknowledg
ments. The pnrty caroused in several
houses of well known ceputntion, in ono of
which they left theirprizo in chnrgo of some
accommodating female. Tho escapade of
the alleged special envoy is tho talk of tho
town, and members of the American colony
arc full of indignation over the disgrace
brought upon tho American uamoby ainnn
selected by the administration for a, deli
cate mission.
FOVlt MEX KILLED.
Scranton (Pa.) special: By an explo
sion of gas in tho Fairlnwn mine in this
city this morning, Hugh Conner, Kdwnrd
Gaughan, Michael Foyle, John Kerriinan
and Edward Pierco wero killed and Patrick
Connor nnd John Noiin were badly burned.
At tho time, of the accident John H. Hosio
and J. Gallagher wero standing at tho head
of tho slopo and felt the rush of tho air out
of tho niino caused by tho oxplosion. Tho
only occupants of tho mine at tho time
wero a party ot flvo or six miners, who hnd
gone in to clenn up their chambers. Mino
Inspector Blowitt and Gallagher with a
party immediately entered tho mino and
found tho party who had gone before near
tho entrance of ono of tho chambers, a
short distance from tho entrance of an in
side piano about ono hundred nnd fifty feet
from where tho heading branches off.
Pierco. Hugh Connor, Gaughan nnd Foyle
wero dead when found. ,
John Noun win tho first man brought
out. He is badly burned on tho face and
arms. John Kerriinan died boforo roach
ing the surface, though ho did not seem so
badly hurt as tho others. John Connor,
tho third ono to lie reached, was badly cut
on tho head and knee, and has severe
burns on his faco and hands. Thoflro boss,
Ed. Pierce, lay dead about ten rods from
wliero tho other inon wero found. Thoro is
no knowledge as yot as to how the explo
sion originated.
Cll 111ST1A XS Jt. I SS. 1 CIS EI).
Shanghai dispatch: Advices from Ching
Foo, tho chief city of tho province of Secli
.ion, stato that tho natives of the eastern
part of t uat province and those of north
ern Cochin China havo risen against tho
Christians and aro mnssacrcin; tltoin and
destroying their property. Tills nctive
persecution is attributed to tho imprudence
of English and Amer.cnn missionaries. In
Cochin China about fifty Christians have
been killed, their houses burned and tiioir
farms destroyed. In Sechuen a general
massacre, fifteen of Christians, is reported
in progress, and they aro killed wherever
found. It is snid that whole villages occu
pied by Christians have been destroyed
and all lands occupied by professors of
that faith havo been destroyed. The apos
talic vicar's residence in Sechuen was
burned to tho ground. Not a piece of fur
niture, not a book, nor paper was saved.
The foreign consuls barely escaped from
Sechuen with their lives. No efforts have
been mado up to late reports to quell the
disorder, and so far as is now known it
continues uimuppressed.
AX IOWA rOT.CAXIO EltUPTlOX.
Belle Plain special: Last week an arte
sian well was completed on the flat near
tho depot. This morning, the well not be
ing piped, commenced spouting great vol
umes of sand, mud and rock with water.
At this hour (0 a. in.) the hole is nearly as
large round as a hogshead. Tho well is sit
uated in the middle of a street ami the
flood ot sand and mud has covered the
sidewalk, and is rapidly filling the door
yards and sweeping over tho lawns and
flower beds. A cruter lias been formed
around the placo from which the water
flows soveral feet high. Great alarm pro
vails among the residents, who fear that
the entire lower part of the city will be undermined.
PIIEIUCTIXG A COMIXG COXFIACT.
I Great Conjllrt at Arm ltelleretl to be
Clone at Hand.
New York, Aug. 31. The London corre
s(Kiudent of the Timet predicts that the great
est war of the century Is close at hand. He
says at their recent meeting De Glers earn
estly urccd Bismarck to ndvho Alexander
not to return to Bulgaria. Hlsmirek refused
and abruptly terminated the interview. An
Immense amount of telegraphing followed
between Berlin, Vienna, London, Homo and
Constantinople, and Mr. Laeclles, the British
couul general, started jost haste for Sofia
to forestall tho Husslau l'rinei- Doleoroukl,
who will now probably proceed to Macedonia
to foment dl-eord there. For some time
Russian gold has been jiourlng Into Macedo
nia, and an uprising Is dally expected. It is
believed England, Germany and Austria have
Induced Turkey to consent that Alexander
shall extend his rule over Macedonia. This
will be followed by a Hussi.tu attempt to con
quer Bulgaria, which will be resisted by
'turkey, Austria, Koumauia and Scrvla, Ger
many holdlmr aloof and keeping France In
check.
The correspondent says that the most trusted
men in the Luglisli fnielitn service I elleve that
war is Inevitable, and London newspapers aro
already ending war correspondents to Bul
garia. DE CilERS l'I.EVDS KINORINCE.
M. Do Glers in au Interview to day said he
did not kuow what the czar's present inten
tions were, but he was miic Ku-sia would not
occupy Bulgaria while the country was tran
quil ltusls's position would be very delicate
and critical should Prince Alexander Insist
upon the execution of the men who led the
conspiracy against him. De Glers spoke in
condemnation of I'lluce Alexander's course
and, alluding to England's action in the prem
ises, said that she had ux-d everything that
had come w.tliin her range as an' instalment
against Hiisia.
"Tho dVurth (firman djx He reiterates that
Germany has no Interest whatever in Bulga
ria, and says it is not worth while to keep" a
single German soldier under arms on account
of Bulgaria. The necessity of (ici man arma
ments is due to France. Every French news
paper "proves that France Is making rapid
pieparatlons to light and that financial sacri
fices are being made to raise the ellieiency of
her army. Germany must nlnujs keep her
eyes fixed on France."
ALEXANDER NOT SANG TINE.
Prince Dolgoroukl will not go to Bulgaria.
The Kusslan ollicers who were in tho Bulga
rian army prior to the coup d'etat will not re
enter Prince Alexander's service.
l'rinco Alexander Is said to bo not at all
sanguiue of restorlug order and would abdi
cate only that he is encouraged by England to
persevere.
Bucharest, Aug. 31. Three leaders of tho
conspiracy against l'rlnce Alexander, Includ
ing the treasurer of the revolutionary fund,
have taken refuge In this city. The govern
ment has deckled to expel them and has
notified them that they must leave. The con
spirators thereuton appealed to the Kusslan
legation for protection, and telegrams wero
passing between the legation and St. Peters
burg during the whole of last night.
Prince Alexander will airive at l'hlllppopo
IIs to-morrow.
Tirnova, Aug, 31. A number of addresses
were presented to-day to Prince Alexander
thanking lilm for returning to Bulgaria and
demanding the execution of the traitors.
The Prince received the garrison and sub
sequently proceeded to l'lilllpjiopolis via
Elena.
MM. Gruell and BauderofT, the revolution
ary leaders, will arrive to-morrow. They
will be tried by a court martial.
'SOU IKS USE TlIEUl POWEllS,
Tliry Are Sliowlny i Strony Front In the
ProerrdinyK of Parliament.
London, Aug. 31. In the house of com
mons this afternoon Sir Michael HIcks-Bcach,
chief secretary for Ireland, stated that during
tho riots in Belfast one head constable had
been killed, five officers and six members ot
the constabulary had been seriously wounded,
and altogether 322 jiollcemen had been more
or less injured In tho encounters with the
rioters.
Peter Esslemont, liberal member ot Aber
deenshire, moved an amendment to tho ad
dress, expressing regret that the crofters act
had not removed tho grievances of tho
crofters.
The amendment was supported by Messrs.
McLearn, Clark and Mason (Gladstouinus),
und by all the l'arnclites. Mr. Mason, in a
speech, said that Scotland demanded homo
rule applause. Dr. Tanner, (nationalist)
condemned the condition of the Scotch croft
ers, and said ho hoped that the Iilsh would
usslst In rescuing them from the vulture Ilka
landlords an act which would tend to make
Ireland and Scotland more friendly, lie was
proceeding to violently denounce the "policy
of extermination," when tho speaker ordered
him to his seat because his remaiks were
Irrelevant.
Mr. Balfour, secretary or Scotland, denied
that the crofters sullercd more than others of
a similar class lu Scotland, lie said it was
more a question of over-population than of
rent. The agiiatlou was due lu largo measure
to the example of Ireland. The outrages and
refusal to pav rent were not duo to poverty,
but to the advice of agitators who wished to
prevent emigration the natural remedy for
over-population.
Several members who had obtained the
floor were ordered to rc-umo their seals for
making Irrelevant remarks, having gone on
todiBcusshouieiule. Mr. Esslcmout's amend
ment was finally rejected by a vote of 203 to
121.
Mr. Sextou moved that Cjc dobato bo ad
journed. Mr. Parnell asked whether the government
would give an evening sitting for the consid
eration of .Mr. Sexton's aiiieiidineut relative to
tho Belfast riots. Lord Randolph Churchill
said that the government would not grant an
evening, because It would prolong tho debate
through the week.
Mr. Sextou was not Inclined to movo his
amendment on Wednesday, as he wanted to
postpone the report stage until Thursday, but
Lord Randolph Churchill's refusal to grant an
evening for the discussion of tho amendment
compels Mr. Sexton to move thu amendment
on Wednesday.
Mr. Sexton hints that If unrestricted tho
Irish scakcrs would probably have prolonged
the discussion unil Friday, whereas if Church
Ill had granted au evening for the amendment
the discussion ouId have been ended on
Thursday.
The l'arncllltci have received a "whip" urg
ing their constant attendance during the de
hate on the cstlciatcs.
A DYXAMITE VFAIDICT.
Chlcngo dispatch: Tho Journal tills af
ternoon prints a long interview with tho
condemned anarchist, Parsons. The day
niter the Hnymurket meeting, Parsons
(aid, ho left tho city for Elgin and from
there went to Waukesha. Concerning tho
verdict he said it was a trial by tho nows
papors. When asked how tho newspaper
criticisms could havo affected the jurors, he
aid: "Our conviction did not depend en
tirely upon the jury, but on the judgo, wit
nesses and counsel, and even tho bailiffs
who summoned the jurors, and the very
spectators, who with excited countonunccs
crowded the court room and the pathway
of thu jury through the street. No judga
on earth, however upright, could bo unaf
fected by tho howl of the newspapers. No
witness on earth could keep it from inspir
ing and coloring his evidence."
Continuing, Parsons said the verdict was
a dynamite verdict, and that dynamite
was used by striking dry goods clerks in
New York city, and striking miners in
Hocking Valley and Beverly, Mo., used it,
hb also did the car strikers at St. Louis.
Parsons wound up by declaring he expected
a reversal ol the verdict by tho supreme
court.
1
SHORT MENTION.
Storm signals red eye.
Not a bomb proof Ji.dge Uary.
Pits the j;ift of liiotlitsrs-iu-law.
A small "nickel" may cause a great
quarrel.
Women's rights are maintained by
men's bayonets.
lloot-snakes come by practice,
l'hoy aro not water-snakes.
Can n 'long swallow ily
A nip at obi rye I "lir
You'd better hot try "
To make a "long swallow" fly.
The anarelrsts will begin practicing
at an early day on tight rope last act.
It is thought an honor to teach boys
ind girls letters a disgrace to teach
;hem to work. Why?
Spies and Fielden, anarchists, are
thinking of speech-making to a select
ludienco from the scallohh
Steamer men aro looking forward to
jrossing the Atlantic with palatial
Heamcrs in four days' time.
Drainage wanted. Secure tho ser
riees of a few bummers: draining is
their business draining glas-.es.
lloth men and women have a fond
ness for gla-i.ses; those the men admire
asually hold "two or three lingers."
That "tied" in the nifairs of men
Of wli, eh old Shakspeare thought,
We realise most surely when
Tied in the marriage knot.
Most oung men are reported better
;haracters because of church going.
They have themselves only to blame if
andeserving.
Nelly Illy has lot her hand! Chorus
Df Kxeiti'd Female Voices Why. what
lo urn mean? Why, shu lias promised
t lo Ned liroiison.
At Fort Smith, Arkansas, there have
been eighty-six capital convictions
ind forty-six executions since 1S71,
nearly all from Indian Territory.
The possession of land enables one to
amplov his own labor. The industrious
suUivatiou of land enables some to sell
labor, others lo sell the products of
'abor.
Mr. Joseph Alp'iouso Calhoun
Sang to Ids love hv the light of the moon,
AN hen the dog, roused Irom sleep,
At Calhoun made n leap
They'll Inter his suspenders at noon.
United Ireland, a Dublin newspaper,
jails the recent victory over Uludstono
in the United Kingdom "the trick
sters, soreheads, and mountebanks'
grab after the emoluments of power."
. (lone the cashier books examined
not a cent wanting, but in u terrible
state -a clear case ot suicide because
he couldn't keep books. "Moral Had
ho gone to Canada lie could havo eomo
back.
A well-fed, well-dressed body of
militia is generally called a crack reg
iment, a fact which reminds us that the
ragired, half-starved battalions of the
Confederacy used to be called cracker
regiments, and they did a cracking
business. Ciicayo l.ctbjcr.
Their Golden Wedding.
A half century, these two,
Life's changing w ays had journeyed through.
Vet, looking back upon that time
When thrilled their hearts to love's sweet
chime,
It seems but yesterday, the swell
Of marriage bells so softly fell
So sweetly breathed the summer air,
The ee.-tuey of youth ut pair.
And to their lives the passing years
Have yielded more of joy than" tears.
For souls milled by love's tie
Above life's potty cares are high.
So toward the sunset ot their years,
These two may gaze through happy tears.
The thought of death nosonow brings,
Since hope its rainbow promise lllngs
Across that dark and lonely tea
For there Is Love's eternity.
And so these two walk side by side,
Waiting with calm the eventide,
Walling the slide of golden bars
To that sweet realm beyond the stars,
And when together they shall rest,
May childieu's chlldieu call them blest.
AVio Oiliaun Timex-IJeinccrut.
A Pleasant Koom for fho Girl.
Tho first tiling wo must do is to get
riil of tho popular fallacy that any
closet or room will do for the servants
to sleep in, so that wo aro apt to g.vo
them such accommodation that every
spark of ambition (if it lias ever been
kindled) dies at ouee with the first
glance at the only place sho can call
lier own. Jn arranging the division of
rooms m your house, do, if possible,
select some airy, attractive placo which
may be converted into a pleasant living
room. 1 know tho builderd of houses
aro now giving fni more attention to
servants' rooms than formerly, so don't
let old fashioned ideas flash against
progress, don't look into the neatly
pnpored, painted and well ventilated
room and say, "too good." and set up
tho old, broken, defaced furnituro in a
loft or closet, or tiuv out-of-the-way
corner, which "can't lie spoiled." (live
the girls a room in wh cli they can
take pride, and tiion try to rouse in
them a sense of delight in pleasant and
orderly surroundings. It may bo dor
mant and slow in coining to life, lint
with coaxing, as well as discipline, with
a continued repetition of your demand
for neatness, it will come. Uood
Housekeeping.
A Self-Siicriflcing Sociely 51nn.
"Hello, Verisopht. Have you jusl
got back to town?"
"Yaas."
"Have a lively tinio?"
"Vans."
"Went rowing, I suppose."
"Naw."
"Driving?" '
"Naw."
"Tenuis?"
"Naw."
"Why, what the duoc'o did you do
witli yourself then?"
"Stwotchcd in a hammock, dealt boy,
and let tho girls spoon me."
"Woll, that wasn't so downright bad,
I must say."
"First claws for tho girls, denh boy,
but a day vclish haw faw me, 1 assuah
you. Still, a fellaw has to sacwilice
hhuHolf forsawciety now and Ihon."-
Town 2'ojnc3.
JUVENILE JOKES.
Little Carrie (!. said she liked sea
bathing, only her mouth leaked and let
in salt water.
A bad little Milwaukee boy, having
been expelled from school, returned in
girl'a clothes, and tiie imposture was
not discovered for several months.
Mark Twain lias furnished parents'
witli a valuable recipe for bringing up
boys. "Take 'em by tho hair of thu
head." he says, "and you' re pretty sure
to catch Vim"
"What is a lake?" asked a teacher.
A bright little Irish bov raised his hand.
"Well. Mickey, what "is it?" "Slime,
it's a hole in tho kittle, mum." Per
haps ho thought she meant leak.
"How that child does squall!" uv
cla'med a girl to her friend, as shejnod
ded toward a Chinese baby. "Of
course." replied her friend; "every copper-colored
Chinese baby is sure lo be
a little iccr.'"
Teacher (to a boy in grammar class)
-"John, correct the follow ing sentence:
'It are very cold.' " (John as ho wipes
the perspiration from his forehead with
his shirt-sleeve) "It aro blooming
'ot."
"Tommy," said a mother to her
seven-year-old boy. "you must not
interrupt me when I am talking with
ladies. You must wait till we slop,
and then von can talk." "lint you
never stop!" retorted the boy.
Gay old gentleman (to boy, on
twelfth birthday) "I hope you will
improve in wisdom, knowledge, and
virtue." lloy (politely returning com
pliment, totally unconscious of sar
casm) "The same to you, sir."
"And how does Charlie like going to
school?" kindly inquired a good man
ot a six-year-old boy. "1 like going
well enough," replied the embryo
statesman, ingeniously, "but 1 don't
like .staving after I got' there."
"Julia, my little cherub, when does
your sister Ida return?" Julia "I
don't know." "Didn't sho say any
thing before sho went away?"" Julia
"She said that if you came" to see her
she'd bo gone till doomsday."
llobhv (at the dinner table) -Will
you teli us about your escape after
dinner, Mr Keatherly? Voting Mr.
Featherly (a guest) About what es
cape. Hobby? 1 have no escape. Hob
by Yes you have. The fool-killer,
you, know. Pa told sister yesterday
that he wondered how you had escaped
him so long.
"When was Komo built?" asked a
boarding-school teacher of the lirst class
in ancient history. "In the night."
answered a bright Utile girl. "In the
night?" exclaimed the astonished
teacher. "How do you make that out?"
"Why, 1 thought everybody knew that
'Home wasn't built in a day!" replied
the child. Ch catjo l.ctlycr.
Tho lie tier Part of Valor.
"There. I think that will lix him,"
said the editor of a Dakota paper to
tho foreman. "Here is what 1 say:
Thu miserable, cowardly, sneaking
whelp who makes a sickening and dis
gusting ollort to edit tho daub known to
thu half-dozen or so who are aware that
it is published hero as The Corktown
Mortuc printed another batch of base
and silly lies about us last week. Wo
take this occasion to give the above
mentioned howling idiot notice that we
will shoot him on sight. Wo havo
stood all that we propose to. Wo
shall go uriui'd, and thu lunk-headed,
overgrown calf had butter keen out of
our sight if he values his miserable,
worthless life.' "
"Hold on," said thu foreman, look
ing out of the window; "better got out
your gun; he's coming now."
"Why, good morning, major; come
in," said the bloodth rsty journalist,
laying down tho manuscript. "I was
reading over one of my editorials, in
which 1 call upon congress to quit
tarill' tinkering and get down to tho
crying needs of the country. It's dis
gusting, tho way it neglects business,
isn't it?"
"It is for a fact; I proposo to refer to
it myself this week. Well, 1 can't stop
now!"
"Oh, don't bo in a hurry; sorry wo
can't do anvlh'ng for you to-day. Woll,
good morning, major."
"(Jood-morning." Eslcllino Hell.
What She Was Thinking Of.
Ho was rather sentimental, and lie
and his friend were in the park. A
littlo way ofV two ladies wore sealed.
Ono of thorn was very pensive, and ex
tremely pretty. Sho was resting her
cheek on her hand, and lier eyes were
full of far oil' contemplation.
"She is pretty, isn't she?" said he.
"Hv Jovo, I'm falling In lovo with that
girl. 1 wonder who tho fellow is she's
thinking about? I say, wouldn't it bo
pleasant to think a pretty girl like that
could sit and dream about you as she's
dreaming about somebody? Let's walk
past and look at her."
So they walked slowly past. Tho
maiden was still wrapt in contempla
tion, and, as they passed, her compan
ion said, quite distinctly:
"Now, i'liiilv, this is all foolishness.
Let's go in to Dr. and lot him take
the tooth out." San Francisco Chron
icle. Ono of tho Tests.
"You say," continued tho lawyor in
tho cross-oxaniiniition of a witness,
"that Jones is your friend?"
"Yes, sir."
"What reason havo you to believe
that ho is you friend?"
"Wo havo associated togothur for ton
years."
"Well?"
"Wo never had a word of dispute"
"Well?"
"I havo always found him fair and
square."
"That may bo, but did you over ask
him to buck a note at tho bank for
you?"
"No, glr."
"Thou yon don't know him don't
begin to know anything about him, sir,
and j ou shouldn't assort that you did."
Detroit Free Frest,
YAW Nye's New Hook.
There will soon bo issued, says 57itf
Current, from tho press of Messrs. A.
1'. Davis & Company of Chicago, a new
book entitled "Remarks by Hill Nye,"
to be sold by subscription only. It will
bo profusely illustrated, and will con
tain about -lot) octavo pages, of tho
best work of its author, of whom it
would bo gilding refined gold to praise.
The whole continent is burning his in
cense; so arc England and Australia.
The publishers have asked the gontlo
cyclone compcllor of thu north to write,
down his thoughts upon this voluino
which lie will now require tho peoplo
to read. He has willingly complied,
and we beg our friends and his friends
to help h in and The Current by giving
his littlo prospectus a merry-go-round
in tho press.
H1I.I. NYK'S I'ltOSIT.CTlTS.
"IlrnsoN, Wis., August 18, 188G.
"To those who pant for a good book
with amusing pictures and grammati
cal reading matter on tho inside, let mo
say, 'Pant no more'!!!
"I will have such a voluino read in
a few weeks. It is now in tho hay
press, and moist-browed agents with
oil-cloth grips are soliciting the names
of our best people with marked suc
cess. "I havo been the author of other
books, but this one is gi cater in every
way than all the others united. It is
longer, wider and purer. Mr. Coin
stock has pawed over it and gone away
perfectly delighted. Mr. Herg has ran
sacked its virgin pages aud chasto il
lustrations, and status that there is in
it no specific violation of tho laws re
lating to cruelty to dumb brutes. It
has boon tested by the police and tried
with acids, and every body agrees that
it is a good book for ono and all.
"Everything that could harrow up
the feelings or provoke a llow of an
guish has been carefully expunged. I
nave had two rapid oxpungors from the
East working on it night and day for
soveral weeks.
"The book will explain a good many
things that havo heretofore remained
unexplained, such as spots on tho sun,
how to make a good paste for wall pa
per that will not shrink the room when
applied, how to win the affections of
Capital, how to writo for thu- press,
how to set broad, how to purify tho
liver without removing. Personal rem
iniscences, experiments with starva
tion; in all, over U00 pages of thinks
that I havo thought.
"Had I not full confidence and child
like faith in the beauty aud merit of
the book, money would not hire mo to
thus indorse it. Yours truly.
"Hill Nye."
Tho Theological Wait era.
At many of tho summer resorts,
which aro patronized so liberally by
jicoplo from the cities in search of
fresh air, thu waiters aro ofton theo
logical students who utilize tho oppor
tunity of gathering in shokols to assist
them in bearing tho oxpouso of tliolr
future education.
The theological waiter is, generally
speaking, a mild, sad-faced young man
with a pensivo uxpression. Tho best
thing about hlin is the absence of beard.
Thu bearded waiter usually carries a
good deal of it about in sections on ills
soup plates. For this reason tho theo
logical waiter corrals many a quiet
dime which would otherwise coutinuo
to nostio cosily in tho garments of tho
city boarder.
in other respoctstho amateur waiter
is as full of discrepancies as a shad is
of bones. Ho is so slow that tho
boardur takes, beside tho usual corn
beef and cabbage, au hour and a half
to oat his dinner. This is particularly
tho caso with the boarder who fails to
tip tho waiter. It is said that every
thing coi'no3 to the man who waits, but
tho boarder who waits for his dinner,
but don't tip tho waiter, don't got
much, and what ho does get is usually
poured down tho back of his neck, ac
cidentally of course.
The theological waiter novor smiles.
When the famished boarder says that
tho beef in that hostelry is so tough you
can't stick a fork in tho gravy, or ox
presses surprise that the chickens run
prino pally to neck and collar-bono. or
that tho H. 0. on tho Hoston crackers
moans "Heforo Christ," so old arethoy,
in none of these cases does tho waiter
smile. Either ho lias hoard those
chestnuts before, or olso ho considers
it wicked to jest on serious subjects, for
a sad look liko that of an undertaker
screwing down a coflln lid comes over
Ids features.
Tho only tlmo tjiat tho gloom is par
tially dispelled Is' whenvtho departing
guest shovos a quarter at him. As tho
theological waiter blond, for a brief
moment, a faint smile, liko a gleam of
sunshine on a tombstone, comes over
tho tablet of ids thoughts, but it does
not stay there. It is only a transient
boarder. Texas Sifiinys".
A Clever Mixer.
Tlioy wore all at a bar, as was not
unusual, and while tho bartondor was
serving thorn tlioy got to discussing
mixed drinks. Tho Doo had boon vory
quiet for a time, whan ho slid into tho
conversation quietly and quite unob
trusively. "Mixed drinks," ho said,
"you talk about mixed driuks. Thoro
aro soma clever mixors of drinks in this
place, but I know a matt in tho oast
tho boss. Novqr saw anybody liko
him. Groat! I havo seon that man I
havo soeu that man mix a whisky cock
tall lu ouo glass and a gin cooktail in
another, take thorn both up, ono in (ho
left hand und tho other in his right, and
toss tho whisky cocktail into tho gin
glass aud tho gin into tho whisky glass
for ton minutes at a time and never
mix two drops of thorn!" San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
Sho Kept Out of the Stooraffo.
When I camo from Europo last
tlmo," obsorvod Mrs. Fanglo, "I de
lighted to watch thorn ster the vessel.
Did you, Mrs. Snaggs, when you took
your trip?"
No, I didn't." repliotlMrti.,SqgN,
"In fact I wasn't near tho 8UserfiMe
wliojo voyago," Pittsburgh C'ArvHe"
TdegrapH.