Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, June 16, 1905, Image 7

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TEeb Pains and Ailments
Any taint cf the blood quickly shows itself with old
people, and troubles, which a younger, more vigorous con
stitution holds in check, take possession of those of ad
vanced vears. . A mole, wart or pimple often begins to in
flame and fester, terminating in a sore that refuses to heal. Wandering pains
of a rheumatic character are almost constant, the joints get stiff and the mus
cles sore, while sleeplessness and nervousness make life a burden. The nat-
ZSJllxXt 1 hd asevere attackof La Grippe, which left me
60 great in old age and all the aaoA a wreck. xtoavdlfto my wretched
organs get dull and sluggish, condition, Rheumatism developed. In a short
failiner to carrv out the waste time after beeinnine S. S. S. I was relieved of the
matters and poisons accumu- pains and have gained in flesh and strength and
latin? in the system and they W Seneral j? ttrthS,t f or J"- 1 heart
., . . . . 1, lly recommend S. S. S. for all blood diseases.
are taken up and absorbed by & a . B. F. Grsgory. .
the blood, rendering it weak
and unable to properly nourish the system. There Is no reason why eld age
should not be as healthy as youth if the blood is kept pure and strong. S. S. S.
its fine tonic effect.
Almost from the
general health begins to improve and the pains and ailments pass away.
Best of All Plays.
I do not care for problem plays; give me
' the kind of play
In which the girl is just as pure as are
the flowers in May; -The
play in which in time of need the
hero's right on deck,
And where the scheming villain gets it
always in the neck.
I love to hear the girl refuse the villain's
gold to take,
And say that rags are riyal duds
when worn for virtue's sake;
I love to see her- beaux decline to heed
the rich man's beck,
And swat the villain with a club athwart
bis ngly neck.
O not for me the Gallic farce, the Ibsen
Where man is but a jackanapes and
woman is a doll;
I'll take the sturdy plot in which the
villain tries to wreck .
The hero's life, .and in the end just gets
it in the neck. t
Louisville Courier-Journal.
- Those Loving Girls
Miss Elderleigh You may not believe
It, but I refused offers from three dif
ferent men last month.
Miss Youngbud Oh, I don't doubt it.
But what were they selling?
Fiso-s Cure Is a remecy for coughs, oolds
nd consumption. Try it. Price 25 cents,
t druggists.
The Polite Editor.
Caller I have a little poem which
Editor (busily) That gentleman ever
there, sir.
Caller (genially) Is he the literary
Editor (politely) No; he's the boun
cer. '
Why They Came Late.
Husband (in hat and overcoat) Good
gracious! Haven't you got your coat on
Wife It's all fixed except tucking in
my dress sleeves so they won't get muss
ed. I'll be ready in half an hour.
riTQ Permanently Cured. Ko fits or nervousness
Slid after nrstday'BuseofDr.Kline'sUreatNerre
Restorer. Bend for Free 82 trial bottle and treatise,
fir. B. H. mine, Ltd., 931 Arch St., Philadelphia, Fa.
No Time Left.
"Winter wheat looking well?" he
asked of a street car passenger who
looked like a farmer.
"Dunno," was the brief reply.
"Good deal of snow out in the coun
try?". '
"Mebbe." J,
"Price of hay gone up any?"
"Can't say."
"But aren't you a . farmer, my
"Yes, I'm a farmer; but this winter
I've been courtin' a widder woman
wuth $8,000 and I haven't had any
time to fool around with snow or hay
or anything else." Chicago News.
The Kind You Have Always
" ture of Chas. H. Fletcher, and lias been made under his
personal supervision for over' 30 years. Allow no one
to deceive you in this. Counterfeits, Imitations and
Just-as-g-ood" are but Experiments, and endanger the
licaltli of Children Experience against Experiment.
Castoria is a harmless- substitute for Castor Oil, Pare
goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups.' It is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic
substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms
. and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind
Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the '
Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep.
The Children's Panacea The Mother's Friend.
Tie Kind You Have Always Bought
Bears the
In Use For Over 3 O Years.
Kin me ncc. .never iuiis. aoia oy dealers, 50c ana i.oc per can
J. H. Malone. of Ader, Mo.,
on hogs, and is wortn nve
in ii ail r---MfSife"
is purely vegetable and is the safest and best blood
purifier and tonic for old people, because it is gentle,
but at the same time thorough in its action, purify
ing the blood of all poisons and foreign matter,
strengthening it and toniner up the entire system by
first dose the appetite increases, the
Wasn't Ashamed.
She was a member of a North Side
church, and Bhe was trying to impress
the fact upon the mind of the friend
who rode out with her on a late ele
vated train the other night .
I m as good a church member as
any one, and I don't care who knows
it," she said in the course of her talk.
"Well, It's nothing to be ashamed
of," said the friend.. "I was also once
a church member, and I never was
ashamed to own up to It."
"Ashamed! Who says I am asham
ed?" shouted the first Woman, until
every, one In the car turned to look.
"Ashamed ? Well, now, I rather guess
not. I'm a good church member, and
who dares say I am ashamed of It?
The person who told you I am
ashamed of it Is a liar. There!"
"wny, no one tola me you were
ashamed of it," said the friend.
"Well, then, why are you saying It?"
"I didn't say it."
"You did!"
"Well, then, I suppose I did."
"Well, I'm not ashamed. I'll give you
to understand that and you can put It
in your last summer's bonnet that I
am not."
And then as the train stopped she
added: "Good-by, dear. I get off
here." '
Probably th youngest general in the
world is a nephew of the late Shah of
Persia, 'a boy not yet. 14 years Old. : Ha
holds the rank of full general in the Per
sian army.
Mothers will find Mrs. Wlnslow's Soothing
Bvrun the best remedy to use for their children
. during me teeming period.
" Criticism.
Joe What do you think of Miss Gob-
bleton? Fine intellect, eh?
Fred Yes; but her intellect isn't in it
with her conversational abilities.
One Good Feature.
Jimson If there's one thing I dislike
more than another it's a shallow man.
Samson Yes, but there's one thing in
his favor.
Jimson I'd like to know what it is.
Samson A shallow man doesn t re
quire as much watching as a deep one.
To Break In New Shoes.
Always shake in Allen's Foot-Ease, a powder.
It cures hot, sweating, aching, swollen feet.
Cures corns, ingrowing nails and bunions. At
all druggists-and shoe stores, 26c. Don't accept
any substitute. Sample mailed FREE. Address
Alien o. uimstea, Le Koy, N. Y.
Same Old Plaint.
- The Lady It seems to me these ber
ries are rather small. .
The Peddler I'm sure they have got
tneir tun growth, ma am. . Lady Possibly; , but I'm quite
sure your quart boxes haven't got theirs.
Bousrht lias borne tti si en a.
Signature of
IfCP PniTlT-vr Easily applied Paint perches.
011 Ouury, nest boxes, etc.. and the fames
Albert Blocker of Chanhassen, Minn., bought a ean of Prussian Lice Killer and
used it thoroughly three times and cleaned his poultry house entirely free from
lice and mites. Before using, the poultry house was alive with red ttoe and mites.
saVs the Prusaiaa Lice Killer is just t
a just the fining Cor lice
timet its cope.
Portland, Or Coast Aftati
Such a Mistake! Physician Youi
ailment lies in the larynx, thorax and
epiglottis. Hooligan Indade! An'
me afther thinkhV th' trouble was in
me throat
Long Distance Appreciation. Mrs.
Jordan Did you ever hear my daugh
ter, sing,' Mr. Johnson? Mr. Johnson
Oh, yes; I only live five blocks from
your house, you know.
Baby, the Biggest Mr. Bigger,
Mrs. Bigger, and Baby Bigger, which
of this Interesting family is' the big
gest, and why the biggest? Answer
Baby Bigger, because he Is a little
Excused. I gay, if you are so aw
fully smart at problems, tell me how
far off thunder is when you hear the
first roll. Calculator I can't do that.
sir. Crawfoot You can't? Calculat
or No; I'm the lightning calculator.
A Pun? A man driving in the coun-
try lost a nut off his wagon wheel.
Meeting an Italian, he asked if he
had a monkey wrench. The indignant
Italian wrathfully' replied, "Me no
keep a monkey ranch; me keep a sheep
Convincing. "Certainly, I am sure
it's a counterfeit note," said the re
ceiving teller. "It has one very notice
able flaw; It's in the paper." "But,
my dear man," protested the depositor,
'in these days you canf believe every
thing you see in the paper."
A Hint Mr. Highlive Cooking up
from the paper) Well, well! Won
ders will never cease! They've got so
now that they can photograph In col
ors. Mrs. Highlive (glancing at his
nose) I. think, my dear, you'd better
get your picture taken before the old
process is abandoned. '
Exemplary Punishment A mother
brought her little son for his first time
to school, and said to the teacher:
'This boy o' mine is very delicate, as
he is. afther a fit of harmonia on the
loongs; but If he does anything bould.
an' I know he will, bate the wan next
to him, an' 'twill frighten him'
He Won Easily. Mr. Subbubs
You know you're only talking non
sense. What do you want a couple of
new gowns for? Mrs. Subbubs Why,
Mrs. Playne has got a dozen gowns,
all of them much handsomer than the
two or three that I've got . Mr. Sub
bubs Yes, I know. But a homely
woman like that needs rich attire in
order to attract attention.
Seizing the Opportunity. "Always,'
advises the pompous person who has
accumulated several millions, "always
say, T will.' Never allow "yourself to
be dismayed by the outlook! Over
come the outlook! That's the way to
succeed." "One, then," comments the
poor person to whom he addresses this
homily, "should always say, 'I will'?"
Yes, sir." "And you always say it?"
"I do." "Will you lend me half
million to get my airship in running
order?" r
Proved His Teacher Wrong. Little
Willie's father found his youthful son
holding up one of his rabbits by the
ears and saying to him: "How much
Is seven times seven, now? Tiah," the
father heard the boy say, "I knew you
couldn't Here's.' another one: Ski
times six is how much?" "Why, Wil
lie, what In the world are you doing
with your rabbit?" asked the father.
Willie threw the rabbit down with
disgust "I knew our teacher was
wrong," was all he said. "Why, how?"
asked his father. "Why, she told us
this morning that rabbits were the
greatest multipliers In the world.
Cawdor Castle Still Mocks the Tooth
of Devouring Time. ' , . .
Hamlet's jcastle at Elsinore, which
still remains precisely as in his day, is
not the only habitat which still mocks
the tooth of cormorant devouring time.
The castle of Macbeth, thane of Glamis
and of Cawdor Cawdor castle built
In the year 1446, also still stands just
outside of the village still called "Caw
dor," at Inverness, in Scotland, says
Shakspeareana, and' if it does not hap
pen to rain when . the tourist ap
proaches it (and it sometimes does not
rain in Scotland) he will 'exclaim as
Duncan did,- "this castle hath a pleas
ant seat, the air nlmoly and sweetly
recommends itself to our senses."
During its many centuries of life,
Cawdor castle has accumulated many
wings, "outer walls" and new inte
riors, and so the great hall where the
deed of dreadful note was first resolv
ed may not be at present located (and,
for once, tradition has not selected one
of them). But a" chamber where the
deed may have been done there Is in
on of the oldest parts of the old pile.
For several years this chamber has
been tendered by the present thane of
Cawdor on of; the Campbell family
(the present owners of the property) as
a bedroom for a night's lodging to any
artist who will as quid pro quo paint
upon its walls a picture of some Inci
dent of the tragedy according to Shak
speare. V
That not many artists have cared
for such a night's lodging on any terms
we are led to guess from the fact that
only four pictures are on that Cham'
ber's walls. Lady Macbeth ; in her
nightrobe; Macbeth with the fatal dag
ger drawn; the brlndle cat that mewed
thrice, and the owl, the fatal belman!
as well as the three secret black and
midnight hags over the caldron!
Everything else in the house Is more
quiet when there -is illness, but did
you ever notice the impudence of the
dock, which ticks ail the louder? .
vet t ran Milwaukee editor dead. '
' William E. Cramer, aged 88, editor
in chief of the Evening Wisconsin of
Milwaukee, died recently of pneumo
nia. Mr. Cramer, had been for over j
half a century one of the leading fig-j
ures In the affairs of Wisconsin. He
had been In the editorial harness con
stantly from 1847, when he went to
Milwaukee, until his death, although
for . over forty years he was almost
blind. -
Mr. Cramer was the last of the old-
line editors. For fifty-seven years he
directed the policy of the Wisconsin,
going to the office every day. Though
sadly handicapped by blindness and
defective hearing, he kept closely in
touch with the events of the day, and
up 'to the last not only jtook an active
part in the publication of his paper,
but few Issues went to press without
something on the editorial page from
hla pen.
Mr. Cramer was a lawyer by pro
fession, but his leaning toward news
paper work led him to become a writer
on the Albany Argus, where he was on
Intimate terms with Martin Van Bu
ren, Horatio Seymour and other Dem
ocratic leaders, State and national. In
1847 he went to Milwaukee on the in
vitation of prominent Democrats and
purchased the Courier, the name of
which was soon after changed to the
Evening Wisconsin. The paper was
Democratic, bdt when the Civil War
broke out Mr. Cramer became a war
Democrat and enthusiastically support
ed the IJnlon cause. Since then the pa
per has been Republican In politics.
In 1869 Mr. Cramer married Miss
Harriet L. Barker, who survives him.
While visiting Europe Mr. and Mrs.
Cramer were beleaguered In Paris at
the v time of- the. siege during , the
Praneo-Prusslon "war, and . went
through the scenes of the commune.
Great Distance Covered by a Surgeon
on Trans-Atlantic Liners.
Dr. J. Fourness Brice, surgeon or
one of the great trans-Atlantic liners.
has crossed the ocean probably more
times than any oth
;er man living. He
has lived on ocean
liners for over
fifty years and
though he Is now
'-, 79 years old he
hopes to make
many more trips.
He has crossed the
Atlantic 835 times,
or a total of some
,' 2,421,500 miles.
It is quite prob
able that he has exceeded this by
many 'thousands of miles, for in his
fifty years on the Atlantic the steam
ers on which he sailed were not eon
fined to any particular route. " The
greater part of the time he sailed be
tween New York and Liverpool, and
the routes between these points vai-y
from 2,900 to 3,000 miles or more. The
dlstanc? between Boston and Liverpool
is not as , great, but there are times
when these steamers take.routes long
er than those Bailing from New York.
So that in the case of a man who has
sailed the Atlantic for more than fifty
years, and crossed it 835 times, a few
thousand miles does not cut so much
of a figure. .
Making the most conservative esti
mate, Dr. Brice has sailed enough
miles to take him around the earth.1
about ninety-seven times. The longest
distance around is at the equator, the
circumference of the earth at this
point being about 24.899 miles. ' As
suming that on each of his trips across
the Atlantic Dr. Brice traveled 2,900
miles, he could have gone around the
earth 9714 times. " ( - .
The Case of Jim.
Maw's callin' from the niilkhouse,
Callin' stern:
"Jim, yer lazy good fer nuthin',
Come an churn.
Paw's callin' from the cornpatch,
Callin' loud:
"James, yer hulkin', stupid loafer,
Time yer plowed.''
Nature's callin' from the trout brook,
, Callin' whish: .
"Son, yer poor tired, lazy feller, .
Come and fish." .
Stranger, if we just swapped places,
Pupt it cjear,
Which of all the three a-callin'
Would you hear?
New York Sun. - .
A Cautions Youth.
A very small "boy was trying to lead
a big St Bernard up the road. "What
are you going to do with the dog, my
little man?" inquired a passer-by.
"I I'm going -to see-'where where
he wants to go, first," was the breath
less reply. -
I When a couple gets married . they
ought to-be prevented from having
their pictures taken with her hand on
his shoulder for one year.
fin Growina
Old Fast
And you know why, too. It's
those gray hairs! Don't you
know that Ayer's Hair Vigor
restores color to gray hair?
Well, it does. And it never
fails, either. It stops falling
hair also, and keeps the scalp
clean and healthy. Do not
grow old too fasti
" I hT nsed Ayer'i Hair Vigor for many
Tears and 1 should Indeed be aorrr to be ob
liged to do wlthoat It. It keeps my hair from
turning gray, and also keeps my scalp clean
and healthy." E. S. BN FIELD, Canyon City,
Jk Hade
by J. O. Arer Co.. Lowell,
lao saanoiaotarers of
Wasted Energy.
Sometimes head and heels work well
together, but it was not so In a case
reported in the Yonkers Statesman.
Cam, a colored man, was an hour late,
and bis employer asked him to ex-
Plaln- . - .
"Yes, sah, I'll explain, sahv" Sam re
plied., - , . '
. "Well, what excuse have you?"
"I was kicked by a mule on my way
here, sah." ' . '
"That ought not to have detained
you an hour, Sam, If you were able to
come at all." .
"Well, it wouldn't have if he'd only
kicked me in dis direction. You see,
boss, he kicked me de other .way."
Cannot Reduce a Rate.
It is stated in Washington, that . un
der the Townsend rate bill, if a rate is
fixed by the commission it cannot be
lowered by a railroad. Should an emer
gency arise calling for a decreased rate,
the railroads or shippers would have to
appeal again to the commission, there
being no latitude allowedwbatever the
circumstances.' Hitherto a maximum
rate has been the rule, but no, such
concession is made under the proposed
Method in His Madi.ess.' .
Candles I was reading in the paper
this morning of a man who sleeps in the
stable with his horse every night.
Mrs. Caudles What's the matter with
him is he crazy? " ,
Caudles No, I guess not, A horse
can't talk, you know. - .
Swapping Compliments.
I have just invented a new sau
sage," said the butcher, handing some
to the poet for him to try. ;
"Ah!" exclaimed he, "it is a poem
By the way, have you read my -latest
poem?" .
"Indeed, yes," replied the butcher
with a light of , appreciation in- his
eyes; "it is a sausage." Houston Her
His Health Was Wrecked '
Pe-ru-na Gave New Life
Assemblyman Tighe's letter should be
reau oy t.very (.rain worker tteaing a stnu.
uous life. ,
Hon. John Tighe, No. 98 Remsen St.
Cohoes, N. Y., Member of Assembly
from the Tourth district, Albany coun
ty, N. Y., writes as follows:
, "Peruna has my hearty indorsemen-
as a restorative tonic of superior merit
At times when I have been completely
broken down from excess of work, so
that my faculties seemed actually at
standstill, Peruna has acted as a heal
ing restorer, starting the machinery of
mind and body afresh with new . life
and energy. '
1 recommend it to a man tired in
I mind and body as a tonic .superior to
anything I know of and well worthy
serious consideration.' ' J. Tighe.
Lxcess of work so common in our
country causes impaired nerves, lead
ing to" catarrh and catarrhal nervousness
-a disease that is responsible 'for half
of all nervous troubles.
" Peruna cures this trouble because it
cures catarrh wherever located.. :' '
It you do not derive' prompt and sat
isfactory results from the use of Peru:
na, write at once to Dr. Hartman, giv
ing a full statement of your cas, and
he will be pleased to give you his vain-
able advice gratis. - .. '
Address Dr. Hartman. Pfesiden of
The Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus, O
I Best Cougb Syrnp. Tastes Good, use
in time, sola py flrnggtgta.
.;,?', . Not the Kind. ; ; .
I . "I had an uncle cue up in Vermont
last week," said the Boston man, "and,
thqugh there is nothing so very queer
about an uncle dying, this relative of
mine didn't have a fair show."
j "As how?"-was asked.
I "Well, when he was 20 years old a
tin peddler advised him to always car
i ry snuff around in his pocket to throw
into a mad dog's eyes, in case he met
lone. He carried that snuff for forty
years and never used it."
"Well?" .
"One day, after he had carried it for
thirty years, he was crossing a field
and an old bull got after him and
gave him a toss. When he came limp
ing Into the house and told us about it'
I said:
" 'Why didn't you throw snuff In his
eyes, Uncle Jerry?
" 'Why. that peddler told me to use
the snuff on dogs, and that if ever a
bull got after me I was to use ground
cinnamon. I hadn't any of the blamed
tuft with mer "
His Preference.
Wife Which of these photographs of
mamma do you like best, dear?
Husband Let me see. Why ei I
think I prefer this small one.
Wife Do you think it is a better like
ness? Husband Oh, no; but it shows her
dressed in a traveling costume. -
Each Day's Supreme Event.
Every day's work should be a so.
preme event In every life. We should
come to it as carefully prepared as the
prima donna who Is trying to hold the
world's supremacy In song comes be-
fore her audience. Then our work .
would breathe out th vigor and vi
tality and freshness which we put into
it. Then life would be glorified, and
the work of the world' illuminated,
transformed. O. S. Marden In "Suo -cess
Malli Makaroff, only daughter of the
Russian admiral, who was drowned by
the sinking of the warship Petropavlovsk,
has been chosen maid of honor to tun
Czarina and to the dowager empress of
Russia. Her mother, a woman of Polish .
origin, is a profound linguist and accom-
iwwhcu ujunicinu. cue una uauuicu u
enltism and his written books and plays.
i K : : dl. i .1 1.1.1 .. ;n nn
At present she is engaged upon a biog
raphy of her husband.
For First Class Fntrt an'l Room Accom
"inodati .ns IN PORTLAND during the
EXPOSITION apply at once and send
your reservation lee of $-2.00, to apply
- on rent of vour room. Rooms -in all
rarts of the city. Stic to $2.0-.i per day.
lifll information to Department 1,
The Only Official Bureau of the Lewis fc dark Fiir
GoodnouKh Building, Portland, Oregon
Electric lighted rooms. Baths and modern
conveniences. K oomsooc, si and si-do per day
A new, permanent Hotel, directly opposite
main entrance to Fair. AU'street cars for Fair
land you at Hotel door.
Dr. G. Gee Wo
Wcnderful Homa
This wonderful Chi
nese doctor is called
great because he cures
people without opera
tion that are given up
to die. He cures with
those wonderful Chi
nese herbs, roots, buds,
barks and vegetables
that are entirely un
known to medical sci
ence in this country. Through the use of those
harmless remedies this famous doctor knowB
the action of over 500 different remedies which
he successfully uses in different diseases. He
guarantees to cure catarrh, asthma, lung, throat,
rheumatism, nervousness, stomach, liver, kid
neys, etc; has- hundreds of testimonials.
Charges moderate. Call and see him. Patients
out of the city write lor blanks and circulars.
The G. G&6 Wo Chinese Medicine Co.
Vution paper
2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16 and
25-Horse ' Power. Satisfaction
guaranteed. Hundreds in use in
Oregon, Washington and Idaho.
Send for Catalogue.
Mitchell, Lewis & Staver Co.
Seattle and Spokane, Wash.
: . Boisey, Idaho. '
p. it, a
No. 24-1905
BEN writing: to advertisers nlesM I
MaAW. - I