Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, May 12, 1905, Image 7

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    Does Your
Heart Beat
Yes. 100,000 times each day. send out good blood
or bad blood? You know, for
good blood is good health;
bad blood, bad health. And
you know precisely what to
take for bad blood Ayer's
Sarsaparilla. Doctors have
endorsed it for 60 years.
One frequent cause of bad blood Is a slupglth
liver. This produces constipation. Poisonous
substances are then absorbed into the blood,
instead of bei K removed from the body daily
as nature intended. Keen the bowels open
with Ayer's Pills, liver pills. All vegetable.
Made by J. O. Ayer Co., Iiowell. Mass.
aih manuiaoturera ox
Paste Jewels,
Bookworms spin gold for publishers.
Advertising makes authors.
An unprejudiced critic never reads a
book until after he reviews It
Most -of the rose-colored dreams of
romance are yellow-backed.
The only effective place for a heroine
to faint is in a hero's arms.
In novels, as in real life, there's
many a slip between the engagement
and the wedding trip. .
Many a spring poem has been punc
tured with a blue pencil.
It is better to have your hero born
great than to thrust greatness on him
In the last chapter. ,
A good press agent Is rather to be
chosen than a great plot. New Or
leans Picayune.
Points of View.
"A man," said the young widow,
"usually marries a woman because he
loves her."
"And a woman," rejoined the old
bachelor, "usually marries a man be
cause he asks her."
A Strenuous Test.
He (angrily) I actually believe you
would marry the first fool that asks
She (calmly) Just ask me to merry
you and prove the fallacy of your be
lief. Heard at the Tab'e.
"I pity, the poor sailor," said the
sentimental boarder. ; "His is a dog's
life." .,
"Yes," rejoined the cheerful idiot,
"he goes from one bark to another, as
tt were."
Modern Enterprise
Smith Hill, the real estate man,
certainly an enterprising chap. "
Jones What's the answer?
Smith He is offering a hand-painted
house with each lot as a special induce
ment to purchasers.
Supply vs. Demand.
Mrs. De Smythe I wonder why old
china is so rare and valuable?
Mrs. lie jones is it possible you
ion't know after keeping a servant girl
all these years I
He Was Skeptical.
i can ten the character of any
woman by her hair," said the wise
"Nonsense!" rejoined the skeptical
person. "Many a true woman has hair
that Is false." "
No Inngrhine Matter.
Waggs Did you ever hear the joke
about the two moons?
jaggs Tnar s no joke. I ve seen
em many a time. :
Capt Benton, an English sailor, 82
years old, who has saved 49 persons from
drowning, is to have a street organ
bought for him so that he can earn
English newspaper correspondents are
complaining of thedisgustingly unclean
treatment of bread on its way from the
baker to the consumer.
Let the ligh't come to your eyes from
one side or from above, not from
front .
Whenever an eye is injured, call in an
experienced oculist at ones.
As you value your
juack eye doctors.
sight, avoid all
Fastest, lightest and strongest Stump 'Puller
on the market. 119 Horse power on the sweep
with two horses. Write for descriptive catalog
and prices.
Foot of Morrison Street Portland, Oreyo:
"I have UMd your FISH BRAND
Slickerfor five year and can truth-
fuhy uy that I never have had
anything give ma to much coin- .
fort and satisfaction. Enclosed
find my order for another one."
Yon can defy to hardest storm with Tower's
Waterproof Oiled Clothing and Hats.
Highest Award World's Fair, 4904.
Boston, U.8. A.
P. N. U
No. 191905
BEN writing- to advertisers plea
mention this paper.
Beit Cooffb Syrup Tastes Good, htm
in time, poiq oy arnfrgist.
"Doctor, Isn't there anything I can
do for this seasickness?" "Why, yes.
Try farming." Life.
Johnny Paw, , what's the rest 'of
that quotation beginning "Truth is
mighty?" Father "Scarce," I reckon.
Pittsburg Post
He I go to bed at night with
gloves on to keep my hands soft She
And do you wear your hat, too?
Hartford Courant
Medium Do you wish to see your
departed husband's, spirit? Mrs. Whif-
1 J -VJT. T J. A V, 1 ,.H
lcLit-c yyj, x want, lu see ms guuu
Josh never had no spirit! Puck..
"So the specialist said you'd have to
give up smoking for a while, eh ?"
Yes, and he also said I'd have to give
up $15 for good." Collier's Weekly.
Suitor I'm poor but honest sir. Old
Rocksy I don't doubt it at all, my
boy; and unless you change your prin
ciples you'll never get rich. Town
Nell How in the world did you dis-
cover her age? Belle I asked her at
what age she thought a girl should
marry, and she promptly - said 27.
hiladelphia Ledger. 1
What Is the chief product of the
United States?", asked the teacher in
European school. And without hesi
tation the bright pupil replied, "Mon
ey." Washington Star.
"A New York man advocates the
drowning of all idiots." "Why, the
cruel .brute! I shall raise my voice in
protest! I er oh, well, it doesn't
matter to me." Houston Post
What is the secret of your suc
cess?" asked the very young man.. "In
buying," said the old horse dealer, "I
look sharp, and in selling r look just
as ignorant as I can." Chicago Daily
It's 7 o'clock, Fritz! We must run
home." "No, if I go home now I shall
be whipped for being so late. I'm go
ing to stay till 9 and then I'll get bon
bons and kisses because I'm not
drowned." Lustige Blaetter.
Did you spend money to get into
public office?" "No," answered Sena
tor Sorghum; "I didn't spend It I
gave it away, and then depended on
a decent sense of gratitude in the ben
eficiaries." Washington Star.
Fair Devotee I don't see any way
to raise our church debt except to
have a lottery. Minister (shocked)
That will never have my sanction,
madam, never, unless you call it by
some other name. New York Weekly.
Old Party Boy, you'll catch cold if
you get your feet wet in that puddle,
Small Boy Dat's what I'm after. I'm
a-goin to speak "Spartacus to de
Gladiators" at school on Friday, an" I
wants to git me voice hoarse. Chicago
Their pay is shockingly small for
some of our public officials," said the
broad-minded man. "Yes," answered
the cynic; "but it averages up. Some
of the public officials are shockingly
small for their pay." Washington
Finnegan Oh, yis, OI can under
stand how tihi'm astronomers can cal-
kilate th' distance av a shtarr, its
weight, and dinsity and eolor, and all
that but th' thing tfrot gets me is,
how th' divvle do they know it's name.
puc' -
She-What is the use of searching
for the North Pole, anyway? He
Why, it would result in a great saving
of money if found. She-How's that?
He It wouldn't be necessary to send
any more expeditions to look after it
. . . , T ,
-Philadelphia Inquirer.
Constituent Now. Mr. Wunnout I
wish you'd do your best to get my boy
a gooa government joo. ixmgressuutii
Well, what can your son do? Con
stituent What can he do? Great
Scott, man! if he could do anything I
wouldn't be bothering you! Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Mrs. McCall I do wish I could get
a gooa maia.. Airs, vanaine xou
might Interview mine,
I think she'd
be delighted to go to you. Mrs. Mc- great elemental force of nature, to im
Call But why don't you keep her? peril true faith or render dead a belief
Mrs. Vandine Oh, she won't stay.
She says she wants a place where she ;
won't have so many gowns and hats'
to take care of. Philadelphia Press.
Miss Smythe (organizing a subscrip- many respects, diametrically opposed
tion dance) I'm in despair about our to the theories of the materialists. I
dance, Mr. Brown. So many. people am a sincere believer in a higher pow
have failed me.. You'll come, won't er than that of man. AH my Investi
you? Mr. Brown (extremely stout) gatlons have led me away from the
Belly, Miss Smythe; I'm not a dancing idea of a dead, material jmlverse,
man. I don't dance at all! Miss tossed about by various forces, to that
Smythe Oh, that don't matter in the of a universe which is absolutely all
least You'd help to, fill up, you know! force, life bouI, thought or whatever
Mr. Brown Ah yes with pleasure, name we may choose to call It Every
I will look in about supper time. atom, molecule, plant animal, or plan
Punch. : ' . et is only an aggregation of organized
Odessa is one of the finest cities in
city were made in 794, and it is built
r '
upon territory ceded to Kussia Dy Tur
key in 1792. It has a population of
600,000, nearly a quarter of whom are
real ihe Americans of Russia, enter-
o r.n T.,f,,i ,
lirismg, iivfef-""'
Would Certiinlj Scare f 1 m.
It is safe to say that the man who
had the first case of good old-fashioned
Jumping toothache thought he was a
goner. Detroit Tribune.
"This is a gross case," said a Man
chester magistrate to a prisoner, who
was making his 144th appearance be
fore him for drunkenness.
Ona Illustration of the Utter InefB-
; ciency of fcnssiau Kule. .
A particular example of the Czar be-
lng used by one department" against
another occurred last year, when the
seizure of the British mail steamer Ma-
lacca by the ships of the Russian vol
unteer fleet caused the relations be-
tween the two countries to become del-
initely strained. The whole matter lay
at the doors of the admiralty, says a
writer in McClure's. Their man had
done the thing, and whether at the in
stigation or suggestion of fcis superiors
or not, the Grand Duke Alexander
Mlchaelovitch . and Admiral Avellan
made no secret of their entire approval
of his adventure.
The admiralty, having a direct pro-
fessional concern in the matter, was
the department most consistently hos-
tile to Eneland. and there was a pros-
pect that they would support their sub-
ordinate at anv cost. Their relations
with the foreign office were already in- j
amicable, for Count Lamsdorff, with
that steady Gothic prudence which
conroensates him for lack of genius, ;
had been assiduous In his endeavors !
to refrain at least from purposeless ex
asperation of Britain, and the depart
ment had shown their teeth to one an
other over the question of the passage
of the Dardanelles. So now, when the ;
prompt British note of protest -was
persented, Lamsdorff was eager to ren-
der satisfaction, while the admiralty,
high in favor at court, was determined
to meet all demands with a truculent
: It is Impossible to render the situa
tion by a . Western analogy.' It was
more than half a personal matter, and
since Count Laaasdorff had at the mo
ment no grand duke in hand, he had
to walk with caution in opposing Al
exander Michaelovitch. There were
some of the elements of comedy, too,
for it was Iiamsdorff, and not the ad
miralty fire-eaters, who must receive
the British ambassador, Sir Charles
Hardinge; and things might have been
funny had not the delay in accounting
for the seizure of the ship evoked from
Britain a further and final communi
cation, which contained an unequivocal
demand for the release of the Malacca
"It was, In short, an ultimatum In all
but form, and it lacked nothing of
brief force and clearness. With it :
came news from the south or the ac
tivity of the Mediterranean fleet, and
all the government knew .that Russia
was now facing a bleak alternative of
surrender or war with Britain.' And
even then the admiralty was triumph
ant, florid with power, blindly exultant
over the mess it had made in the af
airs of the empire. Alexander Mlchael
ovitch went daily to the Czar and was
the man of the moment. Lamsdorff
saw the Emperor only at his weekly
audience. All his plans, his long dispo-j
sitions of policy, were crumbling; It
was only at the last moment, with the'ed an attorney especially to represent
ultimatum to answer, that he lapsed
the dignity of his office in his politi-
cal need and went to Work m orthodox
Russian style. He got himself a grand
duke, in the person of Constantin Con-
stantinovltch. the Czar's uncle, a big.
pleasant man who writes-verses and
occasionally acts Hamlet. '
"For ordinary purposes of interde
partmental politics the Grand .Duke
Constantin Would be inaccessible; as it
was, Lamsdorff s appeal to him was an
Inspiration. He has weight because
he is disinterested and as a rule unin
terested in state affairs.- He appeared
now as an altruist engaged on behalf
of the safety of Russia, and together
suugni uiai veueu source oi pow-
, er me uowager impress.
was to Tsarsko Selo they went
'uSn flis majesty was at Peterhof.
' ' f " , "
j"? JSS, I
"VC" Z 11 . li
. . . . .
Malacca was to be released.
,,mf mM
; ..TihnlnR nt fr hi Ph-m-ir.
H(J wM praying aU rdghf
Next morning the embassy was sat
isfied and the admiralty was singular
ly rude to the special correspondent
who dropped in for a chat
A Universe All Alive.
I asked Mr. Burbank this question:
."Has anything developed ; in Vour
life-work, and in your study of the
In God or the immortality of the soul?"
He answered:
"My theory of the laws and under-
lying principles of plant creation' is, in
unit forces held In place by stronger
force8 folding them for a time
aWf 4 A on our net ls;
t man lr trior Ml thn nntpr frlnoo rt
so to speak, just on the outer fringe of
this infinite ocean of force. The uni
verse is not half dead, but all alive."
William S Harwood's "A Won-
der-Worker of Science," to the Cen-
Transatiantio Trips.
. Across the ocean with great zest
How many men have fared!
' Some go to Europe for a rest
And some because they're scared.
Washington Star. - :
When a married man "laughs In his
Bleep ills wiic uwgiucs ue ta uiRuiuut
that he la a bachelor.
Pnrchaalnsr Tower of a Dollar To-day
ml from 1890 to lOOO.
-All important food articles except
sugar and coffee are higher at the
present time than the average for the
10-year period from 1S90 to 1900, says
a writer in Pearson's. In looking back
upon the course of prices since 1890
It 18 interesting to discover (from flg-
l'res compiled by the- government) that
in that year $1 would buy seven and
four-fifths pounds of fresh beef, while
to-day it will purchase only six and
four-fifths pounds. That amount of
money in 1890 would buy ten pounds
of salt beef; to-day nine pounds. Of
salt pork In 1890 it would buy nine
and a half pounds; to-day a little over
seven pounds. One dollar In 1890
wiuio purcnase seven ana a quarter
pouDds of chickens; to-day less than
8lx ana quarter pounds. It would
buy ten pounds of fresh fish in 1890;
ro - oay nine ana a tmra pounas. In
1590 lt would pay for five dozen and
fotlr eggs; to-day for only four dozen
and three. One dollar in 1890 would
buy nearly IT quarts of milk; to-day
less tnan 18 quarts. It would purchase
in lbUO lour and a quarter pounds of
butter; to-day only three and three
quarter pounds. One dollar in 1890
was a fair equivalent for six and a
third pounds of cheese; to-day it will
purchase half a pound less.
To-day $1 will buy less than eight
and a half pounds of lard; in 1890 it
would pay for nearly 11 pounds. Of
cornmeal to-day you can purchase for
that sum 38 pounds; in 1890 yon
could get 46 pounds. When it is con
sidered that the average American
family whose income does not exceed
$1,200 spends nearly 45 per cent of Its
entire income on food, it is easily seen
how great a difference is made by a
rise in prices of 10 to 25 cents on every
dollar's worth of edible supplies, cover
ing meats, vegetables and practically
all other eatables. ' As compared with
the average prices governing during
ihe period from lt90 to 1900 it is reck
oned by the United States Bureau of
Labor that hams and salt beef have
gone up 12 per cent, salt pork and
bacon, 32 per cent, lard 35 per cent,
fresh vegetables 13 per cent, cornmeal
1 per cent, crackers 19 per cent, New
Orleans molasses 20 per cent, beans
31 per cent, herrings 31 per cent, salt
21 per. cent, pepper 72 per cent and
currants 121 per cent.
Protesting' Against Fate Reduction.
Atlanta, Ga. The recent proposition
of J. Pope Brown, chairman of the
Georgia Railroad commission, to re
duce the passenger rate in Georgia from
three to two cents per mile was protest
ed againet by the Botherhood of Loco
motive Engineers, the Order of Rail
way Conductors, and unions of the
blacksmiths, machinists and telegra
phers, boiler makers, railway train
men, carpenters and joiners, clerks and
i car men. These organizations employ-
j them, who urged that such a reduction
would work against the prosperity of
i the state and lead to a reduction in the
number of railroad employes as well as
of their wages. The Travelers' Pro
tective association also protested that a
redaction as proposed would result in
fewer trains and poorer service.
Her Transformation.
She drank quantities of water, ate a lot
of starchy foods,
Abstained from exercising every day;
She assimilated,; lactic and a case of
' malted goods,
Bat it seemed her fate to have to fade
She so mourned attenuation, with a vis
age like an owl's,
That a smile upon her face was never
While below her mouth were wrinkles,
and above her eyes were scowls,
And her nose was like a hatchet in be
tween. .
But one day she fell to laughing in a
strange, hysteric way.
Just in thinking how ridiculous it
proved; '
And it mellowed to a cackle that was
. sane enough, they say,
Till at last she giggled every time she
moved. -
Why, she chuckled out her wrinkles, and
she snickered off her frowns,
And then took to all the things she
shouldn't do;
Now she's grown as fat as butter, and
has outgrown all her, gowns; 1
But she laughs away at that disaster,
too. x
Woman's Home Companion. .
Brasher Is Well Paid. ? " '
A woman who appealed to a charit
able society for help one day last week
said her son was able to assist her if
he would.'
"He is the brusher, and has charge,
of the bootblack chair in a hotel. He
makes between $30 and $40 a week."
An agent was sent out to investi
gate and found the son employed In
one of the big hotels of the city, where
he has been for six years.
This young man told the agent that
the position of brusher in a large ho
tel was worth at least $30 a week, al
though there is no salary attached to
it if a young man attended to his
j business. Hotel Datrons are liberal
j tippers. The brusher is expected to
find seats for customers if the bar
ber's chairs are filled, and to hand
around the morning and illustrated pa
pers. Chicago Tribune.
Asked and Answered.
The Maid What is love? ,
The Bachelor Love is the prelude
to matrimony. ' , ,
The Maid And what is matrimony?
The Bachelor The prelude to ali
mony. ','
loiut mure (uwii urixnier ana taster colors
Kuaranustni i iv iwitu rauiij.
kUrh mmA mitt rnlnr. UflNBliF riDllf?
mrs. minnie McAllister
Mrs. Carrie King, Darlington, Mo.,
writes: . . '
"I have suffered for years with bil
iousness, and kidney and liver trouble.
"If I caught a Ettle cold, the pains were
increased and backache and headache were
of frequent occurence.
"However, Peruna cured me twelve
bottles made me e healthy woman."
As Others See Us. - Room for Improvement.
"Yes," said the young man, "I am "I have here," said the agent, "an
about to get a political Job, where I alarm clock that will kindle the fire
will have nothing to do butit around in the 'kitchen range and start the cof
and look wiser j fee boiling. Can I sell you one?"
"Well," rejoined his fair companion "No," yawned the lazy man, "but
in the parlor Bcene. "I'm sure you when you find one that will pour the
will be able to fill the first half of the coffee out and bring it upstaira, I will
requirements all right enough." ; be pleased to consider its purchase."
Beware of Ointments for Catarrh that
Contain Mercury
as mercury will surely destroy the sense of
smell and completely derange the whole sys
tem iruen entering it through the mucous
surf sees. Such articles Should never be used
exeepton prescriptions from reputable pny-
siaan3,asthedsmag8they will do is tenfold
to tue good yon can possioly derivef rom them.
Han s t;atarrn jure, manuiacturea uy r . J.
Cheney & Co., Toledo, O.,containsnomercary,
and is taken internally, acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces of the. system.
In buying Hall's Catarrh Cure be sure you get
the genuine. It is taken internally, and made
in Toledo, Ohio, by F. J. Cheney & Co. Testi
monials free. 1
Bold by Druggists, price 75c per bottle.
Ball's Family .Pills are the best.
Merely a Mint.
De Boreiu (time 11:30 p. m.) Are you
interested in baseball, Miss Cutting?
Miss Cutting (suppressing a yawn)
Yes, to a certain extent. 1 dearly love
to see a man make a home run occa
Tor Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have Always Bought
Bears the
Signature of
Trials of the Fair Sex.
He if a girl declines an offer of mar
riage and becomes a spinster, She is apt
to regret it. 1
She Yes; if she marries she is apt to
regret it so what can a poor girl do?
Skaters average from nine to ten
yards a second, while runners on skis
have1 made as much as twenty-one yards
in the same time, and the jumper on
skis has developed almost forty yards
velocity in a second. The man who
made this record jumped 120 feet
It is as impossible to conquer the king of
diseases Contagious Blood Poison with Mer
cury and Potash as it would be to conquer the
king of the forest in a hand-to-hand encounter,
as thousands who have had 'their health ruined
and lives blighted through the use of these min
erals will testify. They took the treatment faith
fully, only to find when it was left off, the dis
ease returned with more power, combined with
the awful effects of these minerals, such as mercurial rheumatism, necrosis
of the bones, salivation, inflammation of the stomach and bowels, etc.
When the virus of Contagious Blood Poison enters the blood it quickly con
taminates every drop of that vital fluid, and every muscle, nerve, tissue and
bone becomes affected, and soon the foul symptoms of sore mouth and throat,
copper-colored blotches, falling hair and eyebrows, swollen glands, sores,
etc., make their appearance. Mercury and Potash can only cover up these
evidences for awhile; they cannot cure the disease. S. S. S. has for many
years been recognized as a specific for Contagions Blood Poison a perfect
antidote for the deadly virus that is so far-reaching in its effects on the sys
tem. S. S. S. does not hide or mask the disease, but so thoroughly and
kind. Treatise with instructions for home treatment and any advice wished,
man any ocner aye. une luc package colors
aeaier, or we win seno post oom w iuc a
m I lniw;il. :
Quickly Cured by a Short
Course of Pe-ru-na.
of Judge McAllister; writes from
1217 West 33rd street, Minneapolis,
Minn., as follows:
"I suffered for years wi"h a pain in the
ymall of my back and right side. It inter
fered often with my domestic and social
duties and I never supposed that I would
be cured, as the doctor's medicine did not
seem ts help me any.
"Fortunately a member of our Order
advised me to try Peruna and gave it
such high praise that I decided to tryv
it. Although I started in with little
faith, I felt so much better in a week
that I felt encouraged.
"I took it faithfully for seven weeks
and am happy indeed to be able to say
that I am entirely cured.
"Words fail to express my gratitude.
Perfect health once mere is the bet thing
I could wish f or, and thanks to Pfcuna, I
enjoy that now."
Pain in the back, or on the right
How often a physician hears this
Over and' over we hear women say;
"I have a pain in the small of my back. ,
I have a pain in my right side, just be
low the ribs.
These symptoms indicate pelvic or
abdominal catarrh.
They indicate that the bowels are not
acting properly that the liver is out
of order that the pelvic organs are
Pelvic catarrh that is the name for
Peruna cures pelvic catarrh, w' en all of '
these symptoms disappear.
The catarrh may be ' all in the ab
dominal organs, when it would be prop
erly called abdominal catarrh.
At any rate, it is one of those eases
of internal catarrh which can be reached
only by a course of treatment with
We have on file thousands of testi
monials similar to the above. It is
impossible here to give our readers
more than one or two specimens of the
number of grateful and comrre idatory
letters Dr. Hartman is constauty re
ceiving in behalf of his famous catarrh
remedy, Pernna.
riTQ Permanently Cured. No fits or nervansness
I 1 1 v after first day'suse of Dr-Kline'sGreatiervs
Restorer. Send for Free $3 trial bottle and treatise.
Sr. K. H. Kline, Ltd., 931 Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa.
i Knew Whereof She Spoke.
j i dearly l0Ye to go shopping" said
the giddy maid of 33 summers more or
less "especially when there is a bargain
"Huh!" growled the old bachelor. "I
fail to see any particular pleasure in get- -ting
in a crowd and being almost squeez
ed 'to death."
"That is just what I enjoy most" re
plied the coy maiden, as she hid her
glowing face behind her fan.
Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Boo thing
Byrup the best remedy to use for their children
during the teething period.
An Insinuation.
Tom has been a benedict for almost
two'week8.' ' -
"Yon have no idea what you miss by
noj: being married," he said to his
menu jacK.
j "No, I suppose not," rejoined the lat-.
I ter. "Do you count your money every
night and morning?"
Piso'S Cure fs a remedy forcongbs, colds
and consumption. Try it. Price 25 cents,
at druggists.
Essay About the Pigr.
One boy gives the following Inform
nation ibout the pig: "A pig when
living has four legs, but when you kill
it the butcher says it only has two,
because he calls the front legsx shoul
ders and the back legs are called
hams. Ham tastes nice, and they boil
it to eat at a wedding. The missus
sprinkles little bits of toast on it tu
make it look pretty."
completely cures it tnat no signs are ever seen again.
S.- S. S. while eradicating the poison of the disease
will drive out any effects of harmful mineral treat
ment A reward of $i,oco.oo is offered for proof
that St S. S. contains a mineral Jno-rfvliVnt of anv
SiS D :Y E S
SHk, wool and cotton equally well and M
package. Writa for free booklet now to