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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (April 14, 1905)
When the nerves are weak
everything goes wrong. You
are tired all the time, easily
discourased, nervous, and
irritable. Your cheeks are
pale and your blood is thin.
Your doctor says you are
threatened with a nervous
breakdown. He orders this
grand old family medicine.
F.r mnn thn S Tears I hT tued Ayert
Samnarilla in my iimllY. It is a cranii tonic
at all time, and a wntiderfnl in'dlcina for ira
pura kload." 1. C. Holt. West Haven. Conn,
fl. 00 a bottle. - J.aiTinco.,
BSaMaMassssBM f Ol awasiaajilSai
K ap the bowels regular with Ayr-'s
Pills, . Just one pill each nignt.
A half-repentant bachelor, with quite a
pile of rocks,
Dropped in, ene day, beside the way,
and bought a pair of socks.
Arrived at home romantic joy! he
wond'ringly drew out
A note deep hidden in the hose from
some fair hand, no doubtl
"I'm twenty years of age," it road, "and
ailed a country belle. -With
yen I'd like to correspond if you
will never tell.
My object matrimony is, and yours, I
hope, the same.
If yoa'll address me, I'll respond." And
then she wrote her name.
On fire with hope, the bachelor that very
evening wrote, .
And folded his epistle with a kiss inside
Sly Cupid had him in his mesh no very
Foe; after all, quite foolish is a half-
But oh hew sheepish did he feel, when
.from the fair unknown
. Xhifl answer came, to quench his flame:
"As eld maid I have. grown
Alas 'twas forty years ago I planned
that fond surprise,
Defo&tad by a heartless wretch who
Shock Tor tbe Lawyer. '
A well-known lawyer of this city,
whose office is located close te the
dry hall, received a tremendous shock
the ether day. He was counsel for a
man charged with larceny, and, as the
evidence was conclusive, he advised
bis client to plead guilty.
"Yon know that you have a bad rec
ord and you have practically confessed
your guilt," said the lawyer in a sooth
Ing manner, "and you will be sentenc
ed to about three years in jail."
This last sentence completely dum-1
rounded the prisoner, but after he had
looked about his cell for several min
utes he turned to his attorney and in a
very serious manner said: "Will you
kindly ge eut and get me a good law
yer?" As seon as the lawyer recovered
from the shock he told the prisoner he
would argue the case for him. Phila
A Beautiful Volume.
Tbe most beautiful volume in the
Congressional Library at Washington
is a Bible which was transcribed on
parchment by a monk In the 16th cen
tury. The general lettering is in the
German text, each letter is perfect,
and there is not a scratch or blot from
lid to lid. Each chapter begins with
a large illuminated letter, in which is
drawn the figure of a saint, some inci
dent of whom the chapter tells.
"First Life Insurance Policy.
The first life insurance policy of
which the details are on record result
ed in a lawsuit. William Gybbons in
sured himself on June 15, 1583, for
383 against dying in twelve months.
He did die on May 18 of the next year,
and the disgusted underwriters (the
company of those days) contested pay
ment on the plea that he had lived
twelve months of twenty-eight days
each. World's Work.
Ore and Fuel.
Pennsylvania, which makes more
than half the iron used in the United
States, produces less than 2 per cent
of the iron ore mined. Ohio, which
comes neat to Pennsylvania as an iron.
maker, mines less than 1 per cent of
the totaL In- both ' cases the ore is
brought to the fuel, . and this is the
policy in this country. Only in Ala
bama are the ore and fuel found to
gether. Scientific American.
Joke Was on Her.
Member of congregation Do you
knew your sermon on coveteousness
last Sunday grievously offended and
disgusted Brother Pneer? -The
Rev. K. Moffatt Laightly Aha
I shall have to tell my wife that. It's
a good one on her. She contended all
' the way home from church that morn
Ing that there wasn't a man in the au
dience who had paid the slightest at
tention to the sermon.
Taken at Hia Word.
Mr. Newly We don't appreciate
things we get for nothing. Everybody
likes the things best that cost the
Mrs. Newly Then yen must love me
a great deal, because I've heard you
say that you paid very dearly for me.
Detroit Free Press.
CURES WHERE ALL ELSE FAILS. BT
Syrup. Tastes Good, baa
. Sold by dragg-lsta.
I I to tlm
"ttr Tmrin iir 1 aai t r
He Would you rather be pretty or by certain authorities in this country. 10 De collection of miraculous eggs
witty? She Sir! New York Sun, Le nas made a supplementary report "omewhere. It was only two years
The coalWn should be brought to on the subject to the state depart- -incr hen laid an, egg at Bed
see the error of his .weighs. Philadel- ment From this it appears that the ' . penny to It There is no
phia Record. original statement was based on the doubt " to the fact, but toe
I "Doe, Mr. Reuben Haybrick keep experience of certain American tube ou
boarders?" "He takes 'em, but ha
don't keep 'em." Chicago Chronicle.
Ella. He comes of . good family,
doesn't ke? Stella Yes, he's the only
thing I know against It Tow a
Johnny Pa, Is it wrong to steal
frem a trust? Johnny's Pa Don't let
the question bother you, my son. It's
impossible. -Cleveland Ledger. '
Gourmand (after a tabls d'hote)
Anything else, waiter? Waiter One
more peach, sir, . and you'll 'ave eat
the. menu. London Bystander. -
"Dey ain't no sich thing ex glttln'
married In heaven." "Course dey ain't:
Don't da Bible tell you it's a place er
peace en rest?" Atlanta Constitution.
Mrs. Hatterson I didn't see you at
the lecture on "The Simple Life." Mrs.
Cutterson Why, no; I had no Idea it
was going to be such a swell affair.
. . Wlfe-It is so kind of you to put on
my boots for me. Kneeling Husband
(tugging away) It's a a pleasure,
my dear. Still, I'm glad you're not a
Miss Riter Could you use anything
In your "Household Department" th s
week? Country Editor Yes, we could
handle a couple of dozen of fresh eggs
nicely. New York Times.
"What conclusion does that cam
paign orator reach in his argument?"
'He never arrives at a conclusion.
He merely stops now and then to take
breath." .Washington Star.
Willie Teacher told us to-day that
there's a certain kind o' tree that
grows out o' recks. I can't remember
what it was. His Pa It's a family
tree, I guess. Philadelphia Ledger.
The Irish lady declared to the mag
istrate that the defendant had stolen
her hen. "How do you know it is
your hen?"r asked the Judge. "Know
itr cried the irate lady. "I have
known that hen ever since it was an
You probably don't remember me,'
began the self-made man proudly,
"but twenty years ago. when I was a
1,OOT humble boy, you gave me a
message to carry " ' Yes, jes.
cried the busy man. "Where's the
"You are the first one to whom I"
have shown .this poem," the young
poet went on; "I was wooing the muse
last night- " "Poor fellow !" replte.l
the editor handing back the manu
script. "If s too bad she rejected you."
Chicago Journal. I
Hicks How do yon happen to be
going fishing on Friday? I thought
you believed Friday was an unlucky
day. Wlcks Well, I always have.
But it occurred to me this, morning
that perhaps it would be unlucky for
the fish. Soinerville Journal.
I'm afraid you're not wise," said
the fair girl. , "Why?" demanded the
persistent suitor. "Because a word to
the wise is sufficient,' and I have said
Nor to you. "Yes, but Fm wise
enough to know that a woman's "No'
may eventually mean yes" Phila-
At the end of thirty years Hiram
had accumulated a fortune. His wife
and daughter were delighted. "For,"
said they,; with becoming modesy, "we
now. not only have money enough, to
u,. vvs, vyL
too broken down to appear among the
best people. Lare.
cut a splurge, but poor dear papa is
It's so long since you last called
upon me I was beginning to think you
were forgetting me," said Miss Pechis,
as she came down to the young man
In the parlor. "I'm for getting you,"
replied the ardent youth, "and it's for
getting you that I've called to-night
Can I have you?" r Kennebec Journal.
The passenger who had been holding
himself up by a strap sat down in a
seat that had just been vacated.
There Is plenty of room, ma'am," he
said to the pudgy, little matron sitting
next 'Don't move." "We don't have
to," she said, with a cheerful smile;
"we own th'e house we live in." Chi
I tell ye what" asserted Old Man
Spiggets, "that there painter feller is
a fine artist" "What impressed you
about his workY ' well, tfier was a
piotur he called The Rainstorm. an
I swan, it was that nat'ral that I
hadn't looked at it three minutes be
fore my corns begin hurtin' : me."
"Prosperity?" said Dr. Sllghcem, the
eminent surgeon. There is altogether week. It was generally supposed that
too mnch prosperity! It is killing busi- the 'dogs' halted when they had
ness." "In what way?", asked the reached the staked plains of Texas,
other. "Why, sir, almost anybody I "There have been some eccentric cy
can afford to have appendicitis nowa- clones in this country. One on the
days, and, in consequence, all of my
best patients regard It as too common,
and refuse to have it" Chicago Trib-
A gentleman who was in the habit
of dining daily at a certain restaurant
said to the waiter (an Irishman): "In-
stead of tipping you every day. Pat,
I wUl give you your tip in 1. lumj
tram at tne ena 01 rue monm. - would
you moma paying me in aayarjce,
sorrr "Well! that is rather a stranga
request. However, if you are in want
of some money now, neres nair a
crown for you, but did you mistrust
mkV- "CVn nn aorr. but I am ImivItio
LIVINQ IN ENGLAND.-. '
It la Really Nor Cheaper than In TU
Th gvnniMr of n offlrtal statement
made by United States Consul Hal-
stead at Birmingham, that living was
no cheaper in England than in the
United States, having been questioned
wrfrtT. wrHn in th RirminriWm
district The statement caused much
surprise, as it was contrary to the I
general understanding. One newspa-
r-, ri ifiM in ot Brit-
nin wa annMiilohi YiivM ndiP 'Tlflli
. - "
in the United States there was no rea
son for protecting the highly paid
American workman. Consul Hal
stead says that that is hot a matter
for him to decide. He adds that that
paper's proposition to lower the scale
of living of the American workingman
had better be addressed to the Ameri
can workingman direct'
"I only state a very plain fact" says
Jdr. Halstead, "that if the English
workingman llvtd as well as his Amer
ican brother workingman his living
expenses would be as great or great
er than the living expenses of the
American. Surely there is nothing' ob
jectionable in stating a fact so plain
and so easily verified. Everybody
knows that the American workman is,
by comparison, highly paid. I can
only state the fact that the English
workman cannot and does not live as
well as the American. It is within
my knowledge that the majority of
people in the United States believe
that living is much cheaper abroad
than ' at home, and it seems to me
therefore that I might well supplement
the statement of those American work
men who, it must be understood, have
lived here a number of years, and
knew the condition of the United
States before they came here, and are
therefore better qualified to express
an opinion than tourists, whether they
be Americans in England or English
men in America, even If they are. spe
cial commissioners investigating liv
"In the American' factories also,
and in the factories where orders for
American world contractors have been
executed, when our manufacturers had
more work than they could attend to,
there are often a number of Americans
employed. Those in the better paid
whol- mfo?:abie afreeaM
tkfSO kfliMI IIV All t4iAOA A ST Vk A A W1 -Alii
practically all these, and nearly all
other working Americans living here
whom I have met, have claimed that
they did not find the cost of living, as
they had expected it, low.
"Many of the working Americans in
England, including those Americaniz
ing factories and those' selling our
manufactures here, accepted their for
eign positions at the same (in some
cases lower) salaries than they bad
ueen receiving ai name, persuaaea ana
believing that they were obtaining an
increase because they would be able to
live more cheaply than at home. In
the lower wage grades the stay of tbe
Imported American workman-Is seldom
one of great duration. In one factory
where there were nearly fifty men a
few years ago there is only one, a fore
man, remaining. A few are still in
Great Britain. Most of them returned
to the United States. They were, some
of them told me, disappointed in find-
tag the cost of living higher than they
DAMMED BY PRAIRIE DOGS.
River Choked Up in Texas by Migra
tion of the Little Animals.
"The prairie dog migration from
Oklahoma to southwestern Texas dur
ing July, 1874, eclipsed anything of
that sort witnessed by white men in
coxmtry,. Dunp ,ast
Luv "vininno rwaw nu
dial. AAVHU -Ja 11 LUV
-barkers must have- been in nuest'of
new pastures or perhaps' smelled that
the approaching legions of homeseek
ers would surely exterminate the dogs
and plow up the dog towns.
"The prairie dog migration from
the north to the southwest lasted six
days, during the month of July, 1874.
The traveling 'dogs' while crossing the
Red river interfered to 'a great ex
tent with the cattle that came to that
stream to quench their thirst - Some
cowboys that were on the banks of
Red river during the time when the
praitie dogs swam across say that the
stream was chockful of the little ras
cals for many miles up and down the
The thirsty cattle were either un-
aDie or unwuiing to stick their mouths
into the water through the moving
mass of living prairie dogs. The cow
boys were getting ready to drive the
famishing stock to a distant stream,
but the Red river became clear of the
repelling swimmers after blocking the
useful- drinking place for about a
South Canadian in . the year 1892 de
horned about sixty steers, but re-
frained from otherwise hurting the
animals. One cyclone between Still -
water and Council Creek, about eight
years ago, . played many fantastic
tricks. It pulled' all the feathers out
of A. L. Curry's 118 chickens, and
after taking Snaked poultry through
the air for about ten miles, dropped.
them in the road. A colored man, who
haDoened to come from Pawnee City
.. . . . .
shortly after, picked up over fifty of
the naked chickens. He .concluded
that tho nicked hens and roosters had
v. . v.vn hia nt,i
benefit" Kansas City Journal.
oney lawt edf. m Faro Waa located
!..-. uwio. ; . -
, Scarborough gentleman .was sur-
P81 recently to fin thirty-eight pins
m breagfast egg, and most other
People would have been surprised, too,
Ue circumstances. There ought
sid never been quite
comparison puzsle is afforded by
m"ke rdenert well known at
Spitalfield. market, who once lost and
found a half crown under almost in-
circumstances. He was in
specting his crops when he dropped
the half erown on. the ground, and
though he searched long and diligent
ly, he searched in vain. A year passed
and the incident was being forgotten,
when, as he was selecting some pota
toes for tbe market, Mr. Smith came
across one of a very curious shape.
Cutting it open te discover the cause
of its eccentricity, the gardener found
inside it the half-crown piece he had
lost twelve months before. ' The po
tato was seen by hundreds of people,
and the truth ef the story is well
Remarkable as they are, there is
nothing unique in these cases. One
ef the romances of money-making is
the story of a man who found a news
paper Inside a shark, when fishing in
Australia in 1870, and who learned the
news of the Franco-German war in
this way early enough to make a for
tune out of it. Tbe story may be true
or not; everybody in Australia
Another after the same kind is that
of the Milford Haven trawler which,
while -fishing off Carlingford Lough, a
year or two ago, caught up in the net
a packet of papers, tied together with
red tape and carefully sealed. The
skipper of the boat handed the docu
ments to a lawyer, and it was found
they were a missing link which stood
between a woman and her . fortune.
They proved the right of a Miss
Macdonald to certain estates in Ire
land, which she had claimed ten years
before, but which she had failed to
win because the will could not be
produced. It was this will which was
brought up from the sea. Pearson's
reading, the mind receives poor m
Ore&on Blood Purifier is pressions or none at all. St Nicholas.
WiTh r I TT nolVio1 hartniiOA l T- -nrc-en-fina
blood and tones np the body?
Mnscles in Tension.
The Revue Scientifique has been
asking what muscles tire soonest, with
the conclusion that it is not the mus
cles in use, but those under tension, al
though doing no work. The writer
urges us to use the arms and legs less
and the back and neck more, for on
them comes the greatest strain. He
has been asking men of all occupations
the same Questions:
When you have worked much, where
do you feel tired? '
Before you were trained did fatigue
show itself in the same regions?
All the answers point to the same
copclusions. The baker who kneads
dough all night complains of fatigue
in his legs.
The blacksmith is tired, not in his
arms and shoulders, but in his back
The young soldier, after a march, is
especially tired in the back of the
neck, even if he has carried no knap
sack.' . '
The oarsman who is in perfect train
ing after prolonged exercise gets tired
in his calves and insteps.' '
These facts' point to the conclusion
that in any continued effort we should
try to alter the habit of contraction.
That is to say, the body, like the mind,
needs change of work.
. City Country Folks.
Mrs. Upmore How is your experi
ment of living in the country succeed
ing? Mrs. Hyems It isn't so bad as you
might expect It costs us more, of
course, to have our butter and fresh
vegetables brought out to us from the
city, but we don't have to entertain
nearly as much company as we did in
the city. Scottish American.
Those afflicted with Eczema know
more than can be told of the sufferingr
fire." It usually begins with a slight redness of the skin, which gradually
spreads, followed by blisters and pustules discharging a thin, sticky fluid
that dries and scales off, leaving an inflamed surface, and at times the itch
ing and burning are almost unbearable. While any part of the body is
liable to be attacked, the '
hands, feet, back, arms, face
and legs ave the parts most
often afflicted. The cause of
Eczema is a too acid condi
tion of the blood. The cir
culation becomes loaded
with fiery, acid poisons that
are forced through the
glands and pores of the skin which
the disease is in the blood it is a waste of time to try to cure it with local
applications; thttcausemust be removed before a cure can beeffected. S.SS.
1 ' ? 5 88 a niy Eczema; it enters the
CO fO (C ,d , feS- PtttieV? through the natural
S VSY S?nnelS' andb"lldsP the entire system. JTheskin
b tJ beesmooth and soft again, and the Eczema 13
2nnZTrt. tTrJL, CfCS- Psl.stelltly ? be
i. Ktz .vivis-r
Color more foods brighter and faster colors
guaranteed lo grve perreci results, ask
Weacfr and nut colors. MONROE DRUG
PF - RU - Nfl 4
I L IIU llil
: UP TO THE
UNCLE SAM"A High Standard is Required of Any Ca
tarrh Remedy That Has Been Endorsed by so Many Trust
worthy and Prominent People."
Time- and Books.
The economy of saving time is wise,
but there Is an economy of spending
time. In reading, especially, hurry is
most wasteful. "' Reading is the mak
ing of thoughts, of ideas, of pictures in
the brain. All young photographers
know how little is to be made out of
an "under-exposed plate," but do they
understand that there may be such a
thing- as an under-exposed brain? It
takes time to make impressions on the
mind. If you read too fast, either
i. aloud or to yourself, or skim over youi
Mothers will find Mrs. Wlnalow's Boo tiling
Syrup the best remedy to use or their children
"Gracious me!" exclaimed the lady.
"These servant girl problems are very
"What now?" asked her husband.
"Why, that Russian girl I hired re
fuses to wash my kimonos because
they are Japanese."
Piso's COre is a rood coueh .medicine.
It has cured coughs and colds for forty
years. At druggists, 25 cents. .
An Unkind Cnt.
"Isn't it queer," remarked Newpop,
that the baby immediately becomes
quiet the minute I began to sing to
"Oh, there's nothing so very, qneer
about it," rejoined Mrs. Newpopr "The
poor little dear is evidently puzzled by
the strange - noise."
State of Ohio, City ov Toledo, I
Lucas C'ouktt. (
Frank , J. Cheney makes oath that be is
senior partner' of the firm of F, J. Cheney it
Co.. doine business in tbe Citv of Toledo. Coun
ty and State aforesaid, and that said firm will
pay the sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for
each and every case of Catarrh that cannot be
curea Dy me use oi mall s catarrh curk.
Sworn to before me R"(i subscribed in my
presence, this 6th day of Decern ber, A. D., 1886.
, , A. W. GLEASON,
j seal Kotary Public
Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and
acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces
of the system. Send for testimonials, free.
F. J. CHENEY St CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, 75c
Ball's Family Pills are the besL
Not $iite Satisfactory.
- Hicks I understand that , yon have
had a telephone put in your house. Mrs.
Wicks- must find it a great convenience.
Wicks Yes; but she doesn't like it
half as well as she thought she would.
5fou see, when she- is using it she has to
listen half -the time. Sonierville Joupr
imoosed bv this '.'flesh
Eczema made its appearance on my left limb the
size of my thumb in 1893, and spread until it was
large as my hand, burning, itching and paining
"me, and for which I could get no relief, until see
ing the other cures advertised by you I wrote and
secured the advise of your physicians, commenced
S. S. S. and it cured me. .
Mayetta, Kan. J. H. SPENCK.
set the flesh aflame,
Since the cause of
xzzmni.w- rsr jniiarii. 1:1.
F A D E ili E
than any other dye. , One 10c package colors silk, wool and cotton equally well and Is
aeaier, or we will send post
paid at' 10c a
CO., UniooviUe, Missouri.
"You must think I'm a fool!" ex
claimed the angry husband.
"I never would have said so," calmly
rejoined the other half of the combine,
but since you have mentioned it I'm
not going to perjure myself by denying
CASTOR I A
for Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have Always Bought
- Forget It Not.
"Take heed unto this solemn truth,
Thus s;iake the beggar, needy;
"A bloomin' cbump was I in youth,-
And now I'm old and seedy."
Ziiffc HEALTH RESTORER.
"All Signs Fail in a Dry Time"
, THE SIGN OF THE FISH
NJSVKE PAILS IS A WET TXUK
In ordering Tower's Slickers,
a customer writes: MI know
they will be all right it they
hare the 'FISH' on them
This confidence is the out
growth of sixty-nine years of
Bigkst Award World's Fair, 1904.
A. J. TOWER CO. 1318 s" of ri
Boston. U.S. A. 0VO?3
Tower Canadian Co. -j-gregSagS
Toronto, Canada '&3ESJ&
Makers of Warranted Wet Wtather Clothing
Clean Your Grain
The CHATHAM FANNING
MILL, with Sacking attachment,
will clean and grade all kinds of
Grain and Seeds. The only machine
that has screens and riddles made .
especially for deaning grain on the
Coast. To convince you that this
Grain Cleaner is as represented I will
send you one on 30 days' free trial
and will pay the freight.
Write me for our Descriptive Cat
alogue and "on time" proposition
it will interest you.
GEO. W. FOOTT '
Dept. 11 ' Portland, Oregon
P. N. U.
BEN writing to advertisers pi
mention tnii paper.
S S DYES
package. Write for free booklet bow te dye.