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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (March 31, 1905)
For hard colds, bronchitis, asthma, and coughs of all kinds, you cannot take any thing better than Ayer's Pectoral Cherry Pectoral. Ask yout own doctor if this is not so. He uses it. He understands why it soothes and heals. " I had terrible eonich for weeks. Then I took Ayer's Cberrr Pectoral and only one bottle completely cured me.M Has. J. B. lAHroKTU. St. Joseph, Mich. Me., See., f 1.0. .- . , J. c. atkr co.. Coughs, Golds You will hasten recovery by tak- Ing one of Ayer's Pills at bedtime. . - : ' ' ""' A Nuisance. " What? Who? ; Any one who rings the door bell and leaves a handbill : wound about the door knob. -A man or boy may not be seriously thought of who ventures upon private property and noiselessly leaves his advertise ment; but he who -comes to the door, ' rings the bell, takes one from their work, simply to find the program of a minstrel troupe or even a sacred con cert, takes an unauthorized liberty, and, as the matter stands now, through an almost eerily repetition, becomes a nuisance. Whoever you are, man or boy, remember this, you have no more right to pull a door bell for the pur poses of advertisement than you have to pull a person's nose. v Mother, will find Hn. Wlnilow's Soothing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children curing me teeming perwo. Musio as a Profession. r Unless a man Is rich be ought to be regarded as a criminal if he permits his sons or daughters to become musi cians. In the musical profession there are m few prizes not of the largest, but for the largest number of inter pretative artists the life is one of drudgery the drudgery of learning, the drudgery of pushing one's self into notice and after all the continual drudgery of playing or singing; Just the music the public wants. I recom mend mo one to enter such a profession unless he or she loves music to such a degre that the drudgery is a pleas ure. John F. Runciman in Saturday Review.... . Btazss ojr Ohio, Citt of Toledo, I . LtJCAS fOOHTT. I Fbask J. Cheney makes oath that he ia senior partner of the firm of F. J. Chbnkt A Co., doing business in the City of Toledo, Coun ty and Btate aforesaid, and that said firm will pay the sum of ONB HUNDRED DOLLARS for each and every case of Catakbh that cannot he curea By in tun oi hail's catabbh vjjbb. -FRAN K J. CHENEY. Swom to before me and subscribed In m presence, this 6th day of December, A. D., U&l I I. i tv, Notary Public Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken Internally, and sots directly on the blood and mucous surfaces oi we system, eena ur testimonials, tree. . F. J. CHENEY CCk, Toledo, O. Sold by Druggists, 75c. Hail's FsmUy Fills are the best Y..J- s Matter of Length. , Husband (glancing over bill) Why is It yoa pay three times as much for stockings as I Ao for mine? Wife Ob, that's all right. I wear my stockings three times as long as you do- ARMY CHAPLAIN Thousands of People Have Kidney Trou-- b!e and Don't Know It is Catarrh.' Mr. David L. Jaycox, Chaplain Clarinda, I. O. O. T., and Chaplain G. A. K., 865 Broadway, Oakland, Cal., writes: "I am an old war veteran.- - I con tracted severe bladder and kidney trou ble. I spent hundreds of dollars' and consulted a host of doctors, but neither did me any good. . , "Peruna - has proven - the best medicine I ever used." My pains are gone and I believe myself to be cured. I feel well and would not be without a bottle in time ol need for ten times its cost." Hundreds of war veterans have kid ney and bladder trouble. Impure drinking water, sleeping on the ground, and all manner of exposures to wet and cold weather produced catarrh of be kidneys and bladder. , . . r ..; Censorship In Russia. "- A corTesnoodeot telL,4he following story 'of methods bf censorship Is Kus tla: .'."-J fotli bfii3 SrtOIi t waa-a.fr an- evenl-uj. party of ft local press censor In it south Russian town;-- About midnight J had strolled from the music room Into a .card room, and was watching a game ot cards, one of the players being onr host,, the censor, when the hostess approached her husband.' ' tVO:-f '.or - I wish, my dear, you would step behind. There are three poor devils there who have been waiting for you a couple-of hours. I did not wish to -disturb you sooner.' " "They must wait a little longer," re ' plied the censor; "I must finish my i rubber." .' '' : j Twenty minutes later our host ab sented himself for a quarter of an hour. .. : - ' .'. ' i Meeting his wife next doy, I asked her who were the "three poor devils" referred to. - "Editors of the three local Journals," she' replied. They had waited two and a half hours in the censor s oacK mtcnen with their MSS. and proof sheets for that morning's issue,: without which tney coma not go to press. Hia Greatest Work. "I suppose you saw the Venus ol Milo," said the eager art student to the young man who had just made a rapid tour of - the European conti nent ' !:.: ' ' :-.-:- He nodded, after a slight hesitation. "I , did,"., he said,,: cautiously,, fand I thought 'twas about the best piece of art .-over there. I Of Course that'll only my idea." "Many people agree with you," said the art student, approvingly.. "It it very fine." "Wel, now, I'm glad to hear you say that," said the returned traveler. Knowing I'm not really up in art, ol course I feel some hesitation in giv ing my opinion. But do you know, candidly, it didn't seem to me there was another thing of Milo's that touch the venua, or came anywhere neai itr - -... ., A Disappointed Cannibal. A pathetic story of a disappoluted cannibal is told in an English religious paper. "One day," says a missionary, "I was eating some canned ' sheep's tongues that had been sent from home. One of my natives, seeing me, jumped with delight. - He thought they were men's tongues. His gloom on disco V' ering that It was hot a religious re vival, after all, and that the mission ary remained unconverted would have touched the hardest heart." "In After Yean. Husband When we were married you confessed entire, faith in my ve racity, but now you don't seem to be lieve a word I say. s J" Wife Yes, but this is a progressive age, you know, and even a confession of faith needs to be revised occasion- . -v An Excusable) Tip. , j Bilklns Seems to me the "custom -of tipping is spreading everywhere. It's outrageous! t... : : Wilkins In some cases It is excusa ble. , "I'd like to know in what cases?" . "Well, you can't get weighed without tipping the beam, you know.",. The Senate Judiciary committee of tha California Legislature has unanimously reported in favor of the passage of an anti-trading stamp bill. .- - SEVERE KIDNEY - - and -BLADDER TROUBLE " They have doctored with every c o nceivable drug, have consulted all schools of medicine. ' It was not until Peru na came into nee, however, that these old soldiers found a remedy that would actually cure them. " More cases of catarrh of kidneys and Mad der have been cured by Peruna than a8 other medicines combined. Address Dr. S. B. Hartman, Presi dent of -The Hartman Sanitarium,' Co lumbus. Ohio, and he will he nlmuwl to give you the benefit of his medical advice gratis. All correspondence held strictly .confidential. V She) I understand that Sarah Ann married a struggling young man. He Tea, he struggled all right, but he couldn't get away. - ,s- Dolly He's one of those men who won't take no for an answer. Madge What are you going to dot Dolly- Why, tell him yes. Town Topics. Friend What Is hope? Poet If something, that wakes you up at four o'clock In the morning when the post man doesn't come around till ten. Ram's Horn. . He My father Is a banker, and has never been Inside a theater In his life. She Really? My father is an actor, and has never been Inside a bank In his life. Judy. Newrlch How'd you get along at the dinner? Mrs. Newrich Fine. When they eat pie with a fork, I done it, too, so as not to let 'em see their break. New Xork Sun. , Judge The next person who Inter rupts, the proceedings of this court will be expelled from the room! Pris oner Hoo-rayl Whoopee-ee! Now, lemme go! -Chicago News. . : f ' Bank President We're ruined! The cashier has absconded -with one hun dred thousand dollars. Director-- Don't get excited. He has left a note offering to take us into partnership. Mrs. Oatcake (reading newspaper)- Gracious met , Mr. Murdoch has been arrested. It was discovered that he had twenty wives, and all are living! Farmer Oatcake O-oh! another case of Brigham-y. Puck.. , Boarder (warmly) Oh, I know ev ery one of the tricks of your trade. Do you think I have lived In boarding- houses twenty years for nothing? Landlady (frigidly) I shouldn't be at all surprised. New Yorker. "Let me see, a cynic Is aman who Is tired of the world, is he not f the .young ' student . of language asked. "No, no, my child," replied the know ing tutor; "a cynic Is a man of whom the world is tired." Pick-Me-Up. .The Senator Why mustn't I voto for that bill? Constituent Because the people don't want it. Senator. The Senator What have the people 'got to do with it? Ain't election over, hey? Louisville Courier-Journal. After the wedding: He What are you . crying for, love? She Over papa's wedding present boo hoo. He Why, what's the matter with it? She It's nothing but a receipted bill for the gas we used up- during- our courtship. Pick-Me-Up. ' - --- ' Uncle John So you don't like your teacher. Tommy? Tommy (savagely) No, I don't I wisht he was at the bottom of the sea! Uncle John Oh, come now,- Tommy! That's too much to say. . Tommy Well, I wight he was at the bottom of Jones' mill pond, then. Philadelphia,' Press. , '. : vi t Just resentment: Young Husband Bertha, did you ask the grocer to show you some of those seedless beans I was telling you about this morning? Young Wife Yes, and if you want your slippers warmed before you put them on you can warm them yourself, sir. I won't Chicago Tribune. The Man Your daughter telephoned me to call and fix your piano. Her Father What" s the matter with It? The Man One of the strings Is broken. Her Father What will It cost to repair the broken string? The Man Two dollars. " Her Father Well, here's $5. Break the rest of em. Chicago News. ; "Paw," asked little Johnny, "what's a compromiser "mat, my son," re plied the wise father, "depends " on whom if s made with. For instance, if I make a compromise with a, busi ness man, I go about half way. . But If I make a compromise with your mother, why. I er I go all the way.' Houston Chronicle. ' - "What do you think of Keats' 'Ode on a Grecian Urn?"', asked Mrs. Old Oastle as they sipped their tea in the magnificent library.- "I think," her hostess replied, "if he'd of been gentleman he'd of paid it. Josiah says people never ought to have luxuries that they have to get trusted for. Chicago Record-Herald. i ."Now, try to remember," said the teacher, "that Horatius won his glory by his performance' at the bridger Al ways keep that thought In mind and It will help you , to be brave and noble." "Huh!" sneered : Johnny, "that ain't nothin'. . You see my pa and ma at bridge almost every night In the week." New York Herald. "I wish to get excused this after noon," said Bizzletnorp, as ne ap proached the general manager's desk "you see they've put me down to- act as a pallbearer at a funeral' "Cer tainly; go ahead. . But you don't seem to feel very sad about it" - "No. He the fellow my wife has always been holding up to me as a model." Chicago Record-Herald. , - , . Mrs. Pugh Our minister says he is going to change the last part of the service. Mrs. Knave Does ne think he can Improve it? Mrs. Pugh No, but he thinks It's necessary. Instead of saying, "Let us sing the Doxology,' he is going to say:. "Let us adjust our clothes, slip on our gloves, grab our hats, forget all about the Lord, and be dismissed." Cincinnati Commer cial Tribune.-- I man usually gets what he deserves m tte eBd. but he manages to get a Kt 01 0Uler tnings in we meantime. tzmvits' 'astoria.. .. :. ;(ST0MA-is a haess. substitute for Castor Oil, Paregoric, Drops and -- '" Soothing Sjrups." It is pleasant.' It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms and allays -Feverishness. It cpes Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural- sleep. The children's Panacea The Mother's Friend. ; The Kind You Have Always Bought, and which has been in use for over 30 years, has borne the signature of Chas. H. Fletcher, and has been made under his personal supervision since its infancy. Allow no one to deceive you in this. All Counterfeits, Imitations and " Just-as-good " are but Experiments that trifle with and endanger the health of Infants and Children Experience against Experiment. , AVege taWe Preparationfor As-: similating the Food andRegula , ttng the Stonacfcs and Dowels of Promotes DigesBon,Checrful ncss and Rest.Contalns neither Opium.Morphine nor Mneral. Not Narcotic, jasvw mrownrSAMUZLPrrasnt SmJ- HiimSmd- AnerfectKeinedv For Constipa tion. Sur Stomach.Diarrhoea. Worms .Convulsions .feverish ness arid Loss of Sleep. facsimile Signature ol NEW "YORK. t s i 4 s n f, exact eorr or wrappeb. P U T N A M Color more soods brighter and faster colors eieacn sum mix conrs. - MUNKUC WKUU CU : ; V Her Principal Charm. . Jack I can't understand women and I'm glad of it. Tom Glad of It! Why? ' Jack Because they wouldn't be half o attractive if I could. A GUARANTEED CURE FOR PILES Itching. Blind. BleedlnK or Protrndlnr Plloa. Yonr drbggist will refund money if PAZO OINT- mjvn r uus to cure yon m d u M aays. owe. . Ye Modern Statesman. First Citizen I think Mr. Richmann must "have political aspirations. Second Citizen Eh! . Is he studying up on the constitution and American history? : ' ... First Citizen No, but he has bought a controlling . interest in half a dozen newspapers. IBFflD OF v - I am compelled by a sense of gratitude to tell you the great good your remedy has done me inacaseof Contagious Blood Poison. Among other symptoms I was se verely afflicted with Rheumatism, and got almost past going. The disease got a firm hold upon my system; my blood was thor oughly poisoned with the virus. : I lost in weight, was run down, had sore throat, eruptions, splotches and other evidences of the disease. I was truly in a bad shape when I began the use of S. S. S., but the persistent use of it brought me out of my trouble safe and sound, and I have" the courage to publicly testify to the virtues of your great blood remedy, S. & S., and to recommend it to all blood-poison suffer ers, sincerely believing if it is taken ac cording to directions, and given a fair trial, it will thoroughly eliminate every particle of the virus. James COBBAN. -Stark Hotel, Greensburg, Pa. ; . : Painful swellings in the groins, red enm" Hons upon the skin, sores in the mouth and loss of hair and eyebrows, are some of the symptoms of this vile disease. S. S. S. is an antidote for the awful virus that attacks and destroys even the bones. 8. 8. S. contains no Mercury, Potash or other mineral ingredient. - We offer Ji,ooo for proof; that it is sot absolutely veget able.. Home treat ment book giving the symptoms and other interesting and valuable infor mation about this disease, mailed free. Our physi cians advise tree those who write us. The Swift Specific Company, Atlanta, 6a, I 9 Letters from Prominent Physicians addressed to Chas. H. Fletcher. rhlldSi; f'G!'1?,d Blattner, of Buffalo, N. Y., says: "Yonr Castoria Is good for , emioren and I frequently prescribe it, always obtaining the desired results." r.tT; .IS,.4-. E1enr,eber' "t Si Paul, Minn., says: "I have used your "t,"1 "Pt'j hi my practice with good results, and can recommend It a. an zeeiiant, mild and harmless remedy for children." remedj for a-' S . XU. al. liennia ar Nr juiIB Ua Sal Amu S .m and ontsla practice for a number or years and find It t viov aw cmiurea, w" Dr- 8".A- Boesn. of Philadelphia, Pa-, says: "1 haye used your Castoria fa - eases my own baby and find -It pleasant-to take, and have obtained excellent results from Its use. ' . ' Dr. J. B. Simpson, of Chicago, 111., says: "I hare used your Castoria In cases ot eolle la children and haTe found it the best medicine of its kind on the market" ' ' ' Dr. R. IS. Esklldson, of Omaha, Neb., says: "I And your Castoria to be a -standard famrly remedy. It is the best thing for Infanta and children I haTe eyer known and I recommend It." Dr. Xj. B. Robinson, of Kansas City, Mo., says : "Your Castoria certainly baa merit. Is sot its age, its continued use by mothers through all these years, and the many attempts to Imitate it, sufficient recommendation? What can a physician addt Leave It to the mothers." . Dr. Albert J. Weston, of Cleveland, O., says: "I hare used your Castoria, la my practice for the past eighteen years with the utmost success." Dr. Edwin F. Pardee, of New York City, says :' "For several years I havs recommended your Castoria and shall alwaya continue to do so, as it has invariably produced beneficial results." . Dr. N. B. Sixer, of Brooklyn, N. T.. says : "I object to what are called patent medicines, where maker alone knows what Ingredients are put la them, bat I know tbs formula of jour Castoria sad advise its use." GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS Bear, the The Kind You Have Always Bought In Use For Over 30 Years. .' the esavaus eoapsnv, tt tsunsav sr. mcw vans oitv.- FA D E LE than any other dye. One 10c package colors - , Umooville, Missouri. THE FISH BRAND SLICKER . A VALUED FRIEND A good many years ago I bought a FISH BRAND Slicker, and it has proves a valued mend for many a stormy day, but sow k is getting old and I most have ' another. Please send me a price-E." (Dm mum or Oils worth? doctor, obliged to 1m out In .B orta ot wvatfcer, will be givn on application.) HIGHEST AWARD WORLD'S FAIR, 1904. Uon, TOWER CANADIAN ;f,ffiftS Wet Weather Oothfog, Salts, and Rats for :. aH kinds of wet work or sport 000 Hints for f Sc. a gardens and f arras are planted to 1 Amarlna. Thre is reason tor this. V awn Aver h(XM acres for cue D re duction of oar warranted weed. oraer to maoce you to try uitrru, y.o maEeyoaine iouowiuk iuipav. i eedented oiler: I Fa 18 Canim PomfpmitS IfrOO Karl. Mlltia ad Lt lana '2000 FtM Jaiey Tursips . Biajtcbhic Celerjr, xuuw mb nuuj ljeiiDcc, 1000 Splendid ttakuu, , 1000 Bar imeiouft Kadlliw, lutau uMrMasif ifriuiaBL sow smb. AboTe seven packages contain enffl- v3 men seea o rrow iv,wu ihuji t, iujr A niiiniiig Dnaneatj 01 uriwium, lowen and iut9 and lots or cuoica vegetables, toetber with ourgrea catalOGr-teilingall about Flowers, Aosee, omaji r ni iih, etc, u ior uc m scamps ana mil nouce. tug jju-page cauuuK atouts, au. JOHl A. 8ALZER SEED C0r r.c.i. La Crosse, Wis. Which would you rather, that a lion at yon or a tiger? Ans. Why, you would rather that the lion ate the tizer. of course. TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY Take Laxative Bromo Qnlnlne Tablets. All firni? tats refund the money If tt falls to cure. K. W. Grove's signature ts on each box. 2oe. Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger and Baby Bigger, which of this interesting family is the biggest, and why the biggest? Ans. Baby Bigger, because he is a little bigger. ...... For forty year's Flso's Cure for Con sumption has cured coughs and colds. At druggists. Price 25 cents. When the eyes are hot and heavy bathe them in cold or tepid water, and do not confine them too closely to any sort of work. : CUBtS WMtfcE ALL ELSE FAiL&. Best dough Brrup. Tastes Good. Vm m time, soia or arusinsu. W I. V m Mill We 11 chUdren. aaawa I hmX ata auaMlhaa a. Signature of H8E S S DYES silk, wool and cotton equally well and Is. M. J. SHIELDS & CO. Growers and Importers of All Kinds ot Grass and Field Seeds Dry eronnd, deep-rooting gnu seed, thvt we will guarantee to grow on jrround that will not produce cereals or any other kind of eras. Will make crop of hay and pasture all seasons of the year. Address M. J. Shields & Co., Mos cow. Idaho. $25 Per Day CAN BE MADK WITH Un Well Drills Made in all sizes and styles w nte lor catalogs and Prices EE&LLSCO. Ceo. Acta. 313 Comm'l Bit Portland. Oie- THE CHATHUM nninG MILL. " . " iiJg.V.''v . 1 I W Clean Your Grain TOR SCEDi ' The CHATHAM FANNING MILL, with Sacking attachment, will clean and grade aQ kinds of Grain and Seeds. - The only machine thai has screens and riddles made especially for cleaning grain on the Coast. To convince you that this Grain Cleaner is as represented I will send you one on 30 days free trial and wiQ pay the freight. Write me for our Descriptive Cat alogue and "on time proposition it will interest you. GEO. W. fOOTT DepL 11 . Portland, Oregon P. N. U. No. 13 1 90S TTTBEN writing to advertisers pleas i If mention this paper. SI!