Corvallis gazette., June 26, 1903, Image 4

JULY FOURTH.
i
THE SILK FLAG
A Fourth of July Episode.
HT seemed strange to Mrs. Lowry that
she should consider, under any cir
cumstances, the possibility of selling
her beloved flag. But as she recalled her
walk with her young grandson on that
first evening after his return from the
university, the boy's greeting an old
neighbor at every vine-sheltered porch,
Mrs. Patterson's insinuation in regard
to her rather shabby appearance kept
recurring again and again to Mrs. Low
ry's mind. . Would not the boy, perhaps,
have a similar impression? Youth has so
little patience with shabbiness in its eld
ers, and so little comprehension of senti
ment.
She knew that her managing neighbor
would never hesitate to make the sacri
fice when the exigencies of the situation
seemed to make the purchase of a new
gown a necessity. And she remembered,
with uneasiness, that Fred had spoken
of Mrs. Patterson as being a most prac
tical woman, and the words seemed to
her to have the ring of beyish approval.
She wondered if her grandson would not
think her a doting old woman to refuse
the committee's generous offer for the
flag. With the money realized by her ac
ceptance of that offer, not only could she
. replace her well-worn gown, but she
could have the cottage painted, and
also in other ways make their little home
more agreeable to Fred's young eyes.
In the light of frank neighborly crlti-
., cism. she knew she would stand convict
ed of a "great piece of sentimental fool
ishness" in not accepting the offer, just
as. in. that effulgent searchlight, she al
ready stood guilty through not having
pressed her claims for a widow s pen
sion. Sometimes she wished that, years
ago, she had made the application.
Though small, the addition of that quar
terly pay to their modest income would
have enabled Fred to spend at least
portion of his vacations at home. As it
was, the last three summers had seen
Fred engaged in the most uncongenial
and tiresome of employments. She did
not want him to take again that hard
triD through the lumber country, where
school houses were far apart, and where
the country school directors were not at
all likely to see the necessity for replac
ing their well-worn desks with the new
ones -that Fred was trying to sell, xes,
if she could make up her mind to part
with the flag and no one . but herself
knew how dearly she loved that old flag
she could avoid the labor of that prob
ably fruitless journey.
Such thoughts as these were present
to the old lady's mind one evening, as
she stood in her old-fashioned garden,
with Its wealth of hollyhocks, sunflowers.
verbenas and flowers of a bygone day,
ller boy, her Fred, was rolling the mow
er over the little patch of well-kept lawn,
Looking up from' her garden she discov
ered her nearest neighbor, Mrs. Patter
son, completely engrossed in the domes
tic task of shelling peas, and she stroll
ed slowly over to join her. As she turn
ed the corner of her neighbor's brick
cottage, she could hear the sound of the
hard peas striking on the bottom of
pan, as musical to her ears as an April
shower on their iron roof.
"Oh, Mrs. Patterson," she said, seat
ing herself on the lower steps of th
porch, "you're at your Fourth o' July
. peas, I see. 1 11 do mine in the morning,
Plenty o time, before the exercises."
"I like to be a little ahead of time,
always." the other responded, smiling
nmiablv. as she looked up from her
homely labor. "Our committee will have
Its hands full to-morrow. We take
charge of. the lunch. By the way, the
other members have: asked me to renew
our offer for your beautiful silk flag.
"It seems like sacrilege to even handle
that flag," Mrs. Lowry answered, her
voice nerceotibly saddened. "I never
take it from the box except to place
In a new one, when the old one's worn
out. I've taken such good care of it
"And well 'take just as good," Mrs.
Patterson interposed with businesslike
alacrity. She scooped out the contents
of a large fat pea-pod with great vigor
as she continued: "It'll never be taken
out but for the Fourth of July and for
" visits of the President, if- one ever comes
to this sleepy little town. I don't think
you ought to let a good chance like -this
go by, Mrs. ixwry.
"I do need the money," the other said
There was no emphasis in her tone, and
her eyes were dreamy; though to Mrs.
Patterson they seemed to . fasten them-
'selves on the letter's crisp lawn flounces
that Deened from beneath the stiff
traizhtness of an ample white apron,
"I'll tell you what I know from long
; experience," said Mrs. Patterson, mois
eninz her lips self -complacently. "1
pays to dress; and more so at our time
i of life than any other. I tell you, Mrs.
A Lowrv. von with that young grandson
' yours around I hope you won't think
I'm meddlin' but I tell you, you really
tAa need a new' dress for visitin and
i church, and such things. If 1 ha'd a nice
. ? boy like Fred around my house I don't
invest in a grenadine, over silk founda
tion."
"It anight pay you," Mrs. Lowry sppice
ith some mild and unoffending acerbity.
When you make up your mind to a
thing, that's the end; but with me its
only the beginning of another cnange oi
mind. Rnt one thine. 1 have always up
to this timeHaeen firm about, that s tnai
flag. I made it" Mrs. Lowry's voice
hmlro and she cauzht nervously ai
fold of her gown "I made it for the
r-anfoin and. though it never wavea
over a battlefield, his dying fingers han
died it."
Even the matter-of-fact Mrs. Patter
son stopped at her work and caught her
breath with a nrolonared sigh. The other
said, as if in a dream, "Xouve oiten
heard that old story from the soldiers
who came back."
Mm. T,nwrv arose, and stood silent
moment The pea-shelling operation
continued, but the grating, and clicking
of the lawn mower, next door, suddenly
ceased. As suddenly, Mrs. Patterson
spoke sharply, leaning far out from her
chair:
Does that grandson of yours know ot
the splendid offer we've made you for
that flag "
"I haven't told him yet, was tne re
sponse.
Well, Just tell him when you go
back," Mrs. Patterson commanded.
He'll look at it in a sensible light. I
know' the boy well enough for that. He's
no dreamer. The ladies and I 11 be over
after the flag at 9 o'clock."
Dusk was falling as Mrs. Lowry walk
ed slowly around the graveled path. And
as she swung back her own gate, tne
squeaking noise that she seldom noticed
jarred her unpleasantly. The long han
dle of the mower was lying hall across
her path and the open doorway was
merely an oblong of empty darkness.
The old lady stepped out on the lawn to
see if there was a light in the boy s bay-
window. She could just make out two
heads that seemed to be on a level mov
ing across the muslin curtain.-
She had left her neignbor s witn tne
intent to find out at once in just what
light her grandson would see the sacri-
THE INGLORIOUS FIFTH.
Am of the endeared memento. Th conv
mlttee had certainly ottered a sum out oi
.11 .Mrinn ta Its intrinsic wort a.
Though it was made of silk and in almost
perfect condition, it was tne associations
tht had inspired a veruaoie crusaaa
mnnar the ladles representing local pat
riotism for the purpose of obtaining It for
the Blairsvllle Woman's Relief Corps.
The company of which Captain Lowry
had been chosen captain by acclamation
been cnosen capuuu uj nuuuinuuu
0 . ... w j i .. I
was organizea utre, u
be gained In camp and In action was a
sentiment shared by the soldiers with
their wives at home and had come to
dwell hastily even in the consciousness of
the more romantic of the old soldiers'
daughters. And so it is not a matter of
surprise that Captain Lowry's flag made
by his wife's own loving fingers should
be coveted oy every memoer or tne corps,
Mrs. Lowry recalled with a faint smile
how much more successful the neigh-
boring town of Kittanning had been in
securing mementos of the company or-
Sed there. They had one or two
well-rusted swords, several battered caps,
and a few framed commissions and hon-
orable discharges with the Governor s I
signatures having paled almost to er-
tinction; and if the Blairsville .corps
could but get possession of the gorgeous
silk flag, it could snap a metaphorical
finger at its rival's war relics.
"My husband used to say," tnougnt
Mrs. Lowry, "that everything had a
humorous side.
She groped her
4l .v lv.
rooms, seeking a match and wondering
. . , . . i!ML. a! I
wny r red- naa doe laxen time iu u&ui
hall lamp. In a little while she was
standing on a chair gently lifting a large
the flag over the backs of several chairs.
and after her son's visitor had gone she
and Fred would have it out between
them whether or not she was hopelessly
foolish, as Mrs. Patterson had more than
once declared with great candor to cling
so tenaciously to a few yards of red,
white and blue silk.
As the flag, thrown over the chairs, as
it was, shimmered in the lamp glow, it
began to simulate the pall of a some-
what elongated bier to Mrs. Lowry's
annoyed and saddened spirit, lt was
u..a lu- i. tn en-oa,) it
n,,t n th floor. Then the old lady sat
down to wait for her grandson's coming.
She noticed the noise of a door opening
and imagined the steps of two young men
coming along the hall. But when they
had reached the door and she lifted her
tired eyes, not taking her chin from the
palm of her hand where it seemed to rest
listlessly, she saw the man was not
young and a stranger.
"Well, mother," Fred always address-
ed his grandmother thus, "tne sseveaty-
eighth is what Mr. McCoy has come to
talk to you about
"Yes, Mrs. Lowry, I'm looking up the
records of my old regiment. I'm a pen
sion lawyer."
"Mr. McCoy was in the Seventy-
eighth," explained Fred, boyishly con
scious that he had with a word put the
older people on an amicable footing,
Mrs. Lowry's face brightened " as
though some soft light had been thrown
across it. Her eyes wandered affection-1
atelv to her grandson, and then back
to the lawyer.
"And perhaps you knew my husband?'
she asked.
. "Every man in " the regiment, Mrs.
Lowry, knew your husband, at least by
reputation. . For gallant service and a
willing life to his country, it is the least
our government vcan do to offer you a
quarterly pension and all the back money
that is coming to you.
The old lady clasped her thin fingers
nervously and said with excitement in
her broken voice: "I never intended to
ask. It seemed like mockery to claim a
re war d-
"I told Mr. McCoy," the boy broke in.
"that it would be hard to make you be
lieve a pension was not a bonus put on
patriotism.
Mr. McCoy slowly unbuttoned his coat
and took a file of papers from his pocket.
Here are the papers," he said, "re-
lating to your husband's record, and also
the aDDlication blanks. - All we want
now are two witnesses."
"I never intended " she interrupt
ed absent-mindedly, thinking that with
the back pay there would be no necessity
for parting with the flag. Fred could
have his vacation. She looked across at
the boy. She thought of how bravely
he had worked his way through college,
never taking more than a week's holiday
through the loing sultry summers. She
noticed for the first time that some of
the roundness of his cheek had disap
peared. She could save him the weay
journey through the lumber country; in
her mind s- eye, she saw tne enaiess,
dusty country road; an ' occasional house
on either side stretched before her, and
she pictured the boy's poonday fatigue.
And as her mind flew along in the imag
inary heat, Mrs. Patterson's voice came
in through the open window like a cool
breeze springing up unexpectedly. She
was saying loudly enough for Mrs. Low
ry to hear: "We can hang it just above
the alcove.'
"It's very kind," Mrs. Lowsy said
nnicklv. "to take so much trouble. I
think I would like to have you enter mylraje evtfty afternoon on the MQtfsky
name in the widow's list. And I'll ask Mohammed-All street, the shopping
my friends Jo be witnesses nd the
kneeline down to smooth out a wrinkle,
T'li T,otrr Bail vnn nevpr? hnt I'll lend
you every year for the Fourth of July
exercises. Olive Benton in Han Fran
cisco Chronicle.
cience
vention
The aurora , borealis, as lately seen
, . tii,
In the earlv afternoon by an Englisn
- - . . , i
observer, appeared as a black arcn
with black streamer against a oiue
BkT. The sun was shining, brightly,
and 8ome bright white clouds were
driven rapidly In front of the
aDronu
By -means of a new system of print-
mg called "cailltypy. me urumaij
typewriting machine can be employed
for makIng the matrix from which
. f. ... By special
Prlng types are cast y v"
device.s the difficulty of bringing the
ends of the lines into vertical adjust-
ment and of making corrections nas.
lt lB as8erted. been successfully over-
C9Jn
. m
A rise of body temperature i.ftwi
08.4 degrees F. the normal to 107 de-
grees Is speedily followed by aeatn.
Dr8. Halliburton and Mott And tnat
.,... ,-,i.tr at the Utter
temperature, and they conclude that
tne iauu results ox mgu
. .n V1a rtrrfc1ri in the
ii tvagumuw w
ceUg f the nerve centers and other
partg cf the body.
Dr. George M. Gould attributes much
of human misery. He finds evidence
that it was Indirectly responsible for
tne opium, habit of De Quincy. caused
tfae morbI(j condition and breakdowns
, Carlyle and gave Browning his
"l V .T Printing hooka
headaches and vertigo. Printing books
in white ink on black paper is a sug-
gested means for lessening eye strain,
According to W. E. D. . Scott, o
prlncetm University, there is special
n. nmwr hirria
cruelty in the manner of killing. Diras
In Florida for use on women s bats.
The huntsmen take advantage of the
devotion of the parent bird to their
TOUng Dy lying in wait near the nests,
Defore the young Dirds are able to fly,
v,. ia ixrm brln?
that elr fTjLE
back the parents again and agato, in
spite of the disturbance ade by the
slaughterers. With Flobert rifles the
devoted birds are picked off at a dis-
tnce of only ten or twelve feet.
Reptiles and amphibians are attract
ed to water from such distances that
Dr. F. Werner, of Vienna', supposes
they must be endowed with a special
sense. Sight is found to be tne most
acute of their ordinary senses, but
alligators and crocodiles see a man
hot more than ten times their own
lenirth. frozs see about fifteen or
twenty times their own length, fishes
not more than half their own lengtn,
and snakes only one-fourth or one-
eighth of their own length. Most rep
tiles and amphibians are totally deaf.
None are entirely without taste; and
the snake's tongue rapidly vibrating
the air, seems to feel objects without
actually touching them.
Virelnla
" . ; ijo
gentleman purchased in Alexandria,
Egypt, from a native who had found it
In the wall of a building broken during
fc conflagration, what appeared to be
a mass of corroded copper weighing
twenty pounds. - It- was kept as a
hearth ornament, until recently it was
found to consist of about 500 Roman
coins, struck in the days of the early
Caesars. . Professor Dunnington, of the
university of Virginia, finds that the
coins contain one part or silver to
four, of copper, but when dipped in
dcid a part of the copper disappears.
leaving a silvery surface, which
wears" as a white metal. He be-
ieves the coins passed for silver. The
nass naa oecome encrumeu whu a
louble skin of malachite and of red
txide of copper, and remarkable
hanges had gone on within, although
:.he lettering and the dates remained
eglble.
WOMEN OF THE ORIENT.
io Place in All the World So Good as
Cairn to Study Them.
In no other city of the Orient has
ine'so good an opportunity to study
'.he women of the east as In Cairo.
In this, the "smelting pot"- of the
Moslem races. Persians, Arabs, Turks
and Greeks, together with a half
dozen other races, dwell side by side,
mixing with the native Egyptians.
Women of all these races are on pa-
8treet for the rich residents. All these
women walk abroad heavily veiled.
each one closely accompanied by a
eunuch. In these afternoon prome-
nades for - shopping Is with them
mainly an excuse for a Bort of half
freedom they show by their eyes.
which are the only parts of their
faces not hidden by their veils, that
they would not be averse to a little
flirtation, but the alert, scowling
I eunuch keeps them moving on. The
masculine acquaintance of the Mo
hammedan woman of Cairo is limited
to her husband and her attendant eu
nuch, j
The promenade Is their one glimpse
i of freedom. ' Otherwise they dream
their Uvea away In vacuity. ' None of
them can read. Education Is not per
mitted to eastern women. They have
no part, practically, in the Mohamme
dan religion, which is a man's faith.
This ignorance and vacuity of life be
longs to all classes, high and low.
Their life is an animal one. Under
these circumstances, it is not strange
that the women of the Orient are usu
ally better and finer physical speci
mens than their men. They have noth-
ing to do but cultivate their bodies.
The Copts are exceptions. They are
Christians, and, while the men hem
their women about to an extent un
known In the west, they are still free
as eagles as compared to the Mos
lem women. Even among tne oopts,
however, there Is a certain amount of
polygamy.
If the life of the aristocratic woman
is one of vacuity, that of "the low
caste woman Is one of . absolute slav
ery. They are made burden "bearers
from the age of 10 or 12. Tbey. too.
are fine animals. '
I have often watched a group of
these women sitting at rest Along the
river banks. There they sat, staring
at nothing and doubtless thinking of
the same thing. As Is usual In
! Egypt, "the flies were thick and Tea
! omous. I myself bad. to keep, a small
horse hair wisp busy warding-them
from my head and eyes, out tnere
these women sat with the files swarm
ing over their eyes, their lips, their
throats, and never so much as lifted a
hand. A cow or horse would , have
lashed, out vigorously, but they made
no move.
"What is the use?" that was their
thought, if they thought of the mat
ter at all "They would only come
back again."
High and low, rich and poor." " their
lot is one of legal slavery. Marriage
is a purchase. The market price of
girls has been falling steadily, until,
in the lower classes, a girl without ex
ceptional charms . is a drug on the
market. Fifty dollars, or even less,
will purchase a good animal, sound in
wind and limb. I was much amused
by a talk whieh I held with a young
Arab of fashion, a man of exceptional
r intelligence. He was about to be
married. His father had just bought
htm a wife, whom he bad seen- for
the first time. He was tremendously
elated over the fact tnat sue was a
large, fine specimen of a woman, and
was correspondingly grateful to big
father for the liberality of the gift.
GETS ROYALTY FROM KIPLING.
Brlxkt American Boy Bnsseeted ISe
ries ef Stories to ICnzIian Aathor.
Mr. Doubleday, who is one of the
American publishers of the books . of
Rudyard Kipling, has a small son who
is bound to make his mark in the busi
ness world. When in America Mr.
Kipling was a frequent visitor at the
Doubleday home and the small boy's
admiration quickly grew to devotion.
He watched with the most fervent In
terest every step of progress in a book
of Mr. Kipling's as it went through
the publishing house, and he had a
moment of real ecstacy when he held
in his hand the first finished volume.
One day he came to his father with
an eager, questioning face.
"Papa," he asked, "don't you believe
Mr. Kipling is going to write any more
children's stories, something like the
Jungle Book," you know?"
"Don't know, niy son," answered Mr.
Doubleday, "but I wish he would."
"I've been thinking of something,"
said the boy slowly, "and I've been
writing a letter about lt to Mr. Kip
ling. I think he could make great sto
ries out of 'Where the Camel Got His
Hump' and about 'What the Elephant
Puts in His Trunk,' don't you?"
"Do you mind if I send him the let
ter?" "Not at all. Mr. Kipling will be
delighted to hear from you."
"And now, papa, I want to make a
business proposition. If Mr. Kipling
should write some of these stories I
have asked him to and if you should
publish them and they should sell like
hot cakes, would you be willing to
pay me 1 per cent royalty for thinking
up new jlots?"
"I shall be most happy to, my boy."
"And draw up a regular contract as
you do with authors?"
. "Most certainty."
"And advance me 5 cents now off
my royalties to mall a letter to Mr.
Kipling?" -
. Mr. Doubleday gravely laid a nickel
in the boy's hand.
The contract was drawn up that af
ternoon. One month later came a cordial let
ter from the famous author to say that
the suggestions were fine, exactly what
he wanted; and that already he was
at work on the first story.
Last Christmas Master Doubleday re
ceived his first check, the royalties of
1 per cent on the "Just So Stories." It
amounted to $300.
WARDS OFF THE LIGHTNING
Clotbins Warranted to Protect Wearer
from Klectric Strokes.
Thanks to the researches of a Rus
sian savant, man may now, like Jove,
defy the lightning's stroke. He has in
vented a garment that is said to be a
certain protection against a stroke of
the electric fluid. It is light and flex
ible and does not in the least Interfere
with the movements of the wearer.
The garment is made of fine gauze, of
brass threads, and consists of a shirt
and" trousers that reach below the feet.
The sleeves end in gloves that are pro
vided with buttons for fastening. A
hood covers the head, buttoning on the
body part of the safety garment. '
When the wearer of this garment ap
proaches too near the current of an
electric machine, mtead of harming
him, the current is conducted to the
ground by the suit of gauze And the
person inside experiences no Inconven
ience. The wearer of this "suit can
stand between the two poles of a high
tension current of electricity and the
sparks will pass from one to the other
across his intervening body without
shocking him,, .the discharge going
through the metallic covering.
The inventor of the lightning pro
tector donned his gauze garment and
placed himself under a conductor that
had a tension of 50,000 volts. With his
hands, his elbows, his arms and his
head he attracted brilliant sparks, but
was not the least inconvenienced." He
grasped with his hands two electrodes
of 1,000 volts pressure and caused
to pass through the protecting garment
electricity amounting to 100 amperes,
a current so strong that when he with
drew his hands an electric spark two
feet long shot out from the machine.
At the termination of the experiments
it was found that the gauze garment
had not been damaged by the sparks,
with the exception of small holes at
the points of contact, that did not lm
pair the protecting action of the inven
tion. - - .,
. A Piccadilly Rebuke. f
Even pickpockets should have clean
hands. One tried to remove the valu
ables of a Piccadilly 'irreproachable,
as he sauntered to his club the other
morning. - .
The irreproachable seized the thief
by the wrist, gazed at his filthy paw,
and flung it from him with disgust.
saying: .
"For goodness-sake, my good man,
wash your hands before you put them
in a eentleman's pocset." iondon Ex
press. ' ' - '' ' ' '
There are some positions that seem
to require men who don't know very
much. .
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant Incident Occurring; tne
World Over- Bay inga tha t Are Cfceei"
fnl to Old or Young Funny Selec
tion that Kvery bo4r Will Knjoy.
One day little 6-year-old Bernie fail
ed to spell "throw", correctly. The
teacher prompted him and he spelled it
after her. "Spell lt again," she said.
. "T-h-r-o-w," he replied.
"Again."
"T-h-r-o-w."
"Again."
"T-h-r-o-w."
"Once more," she insisted.
"T-h-r-o-w."
"Now, what are you spelling?"
"Again," he answered.
Confession.
' "Do you make much out of your lit
erary work?" asked the inquisitive per
son. "Yes," seplied the man who scrib
bles occasionally, "much more out of
it than I do in it."
She Rules the Kitchen.
Housewife MIna. is dinner not
ready? We are all starving.
Mlna (who is reading a novel) No,
dinner is not ready and it won't be un
til I find out whether the black knight
wins the fair lady or not. "N
From Bad to Worse.
Doctor Did those powders
I gave
you have the desired effect?
Patient No; my Insomnia Is worse
than ever.
Doctor Is that so?
Patient Yes; why, I can t even go
to sleep now when It is time to get
up.
Then and Now.
When I was courting my wife,"
said the sad-faced man, "we were two
souls with but a single thought."
How about you at the present writ
ing?" asked the Inquisitive youth.
We still have, but a single thought,"
replied the proprietor of the sad vis
age. "We both think we made fools
of oursewes."
Nervy
Warden He was the coolest
and
ever
most thoughtful convict that
broke jail. .
Jenklns-That so?
Warden Yes. - He left behind him a
note to the governor of the State be
ginning, 'I hope you will pardon me
for the liberty. I'm taking." Philadel
phia Ledger.
Heraldry.
"Wordley tells me he has been work
ing on his family tree of late."
"Yes, it keeps him pretty busy."
"Rather complicated work, eh?"
"Well, I believe he found a . noose
on one of the branches, and he's hav
ing some trouble sawing it off." Phil
adelphia Press.
In 1998.
Judgess What made, the Jury agree
so quickly? Why, the ladies weren't
out more than fifteen minutes.
Clerkess It's bargain day at Mon
eymakers. .
Often the Case.
"In choosing a wife," said the scan-
tv-haired philosopher, "one should
never judge by appearances."
"Thaf s right" rejoined the very
young man. . "Tne nomeiiest guris usu
ally have the most money.".
Believer in Sigrns.
"Say, paw," queried Tommy Tod
dles, "is a ring around the moon a sign
of rain?"
"That's what" replied the old man,
with a sigh long drawn out "And a
ring around a woman's third finger Is
a sign of more reign."
Woman's Way.
She Time will heal the wound I've
made in your heart
He Yes; but you'll be mad at me If
it does. ,
Cana-ht on the Kebonnd.
Husband I am sorry to say, my
dear, that you can't make pies like
mother used to make.'
Wife No, I suppose not it I re
member correctly, your father died of
indigestion. v- ;
, Her Little Joke.
They stopped at Silver Spring.
"I think this water tastes like hops,
remarked the young man m the soft
hat .
"Nothing unsuaL" laughed his fair
companion, "when there is a frog In it
Accessibility.
The hollyhocks bloom by the fence,
In everybody's reach.
If they were scarce they would cost
' At least a dollar. each.
Washington Star.
One ef a Few.
"Say," Queried the taqulaltiTe per.
son as.. the stranger paused to light a
cigar, "may I ask what your business
is?" '
"You may," replied the stranger.
"Well." said the rubber-necker after
a pause, "what is it 7"
"Minding It," said the stranger.
"Minding what?" asked the aston
ished party of the preface.
"My budneea," was the significant
reply.
Charitable Bex.
Bess So you are really going to mar
ry young Softlelgh. are you?
Nell That's what.
Bess Well, it will save you the
trouble of hunting one when you get
ready to begin housekeeping.
Nell Hunting what?
Bess Why, a flat
Qalte Safflclent.
Mrs. Wederly Oh, John, I've mis
laid our marriage certificate and can't
find ltl .
Wederly Oh, don't let that worry
you. I've got a document down at the
office that furnishes ample proof of
our union.
Mrs. Wederly What Is it, dear?
Wederly A receipted bill from your
dressmaker.
Proof Positive.
She Is lt really true that the blind
can determine color by the sense of
touch?
He Sure. I once knew a blind man
who was able to tell a red hot stove by
merely putting his finger on It
Her Heart's Desire.
She There is Just one little bit of
millinery that I desire most
He (crossly) You needn't say any
more. I won't buy it for you.
She Don't be afraid. You'll never
ret the bill for it It's a widow's
bonnet Philadelphia Press.
Idle Talent.
Bacon The professor's education is
wasted.
Egbert How Is that?
"Why, he can speak five languages,
but since he married he's hardly been
allowed to use any of them." Yonkers
Statesman.
Colas and Camlnt.
"You don't mean to say he's got a
Job? Well, well. I never expected
him to go to work."
"Well, he didn't expect to go to
work, either; he Just found he had to
come to it" Philadelphia Press.
Hint That Failed.
"Do you believe that two can live as
cheap as oner asked Miss Willing.
"Yes," replied young Wlserly. "But
I prefer peace at any price."
Scales Make the Weight.
'Only a dime, kind sir; I'm starr
ing!"
"Why, 1 gave you a quarter only ten
minutes ago."
"Yes. but that's to tip the waiter
with."
Why He Prayed.
Rodrlck-
-Yes, our minister
prayed
for rain. : -
Van Albert Was there a drought?
Rodrick No, but he knew if lt rain
ed Sunday people would not play golf.
He likes a big congregation.
Jnst Bo.
"She's quite an expert in her line."
"Got her business at her fingers'
ends, eh?"
'No, at the ends of other people's
fingers; she's a manicurist Phila
delphia Press.
, Her Specialty.
He (at the reception) And you neith
er sing nor play?
She No. .
He Then I suppose you either read
or paint?
She No; my specialty Is giving imi
tations of the society young man.
He HoWs that?
She I merely alt around and try to
look Intelligent
An Enthusiastic Parent.
Bobby Ma
Ma What's it Bobby?
Bobby Pa boilers so loud at base
ball 'at be makes my headache.
The Crowd Will Scan It.
First School Girl Is Miss Hlghgrade
going to read a poem at the commence
ment?
Second School Girl No; she's going
to wear one. Baltimore American.
Both ta Blame,
John You are always busy when I
come in!
Charles Well, you alwys come In
when I'm busy. '
Injudicious Intellectuality.
Victoria Our club papers are
too
long. - -
Virginia I think so; twice, now, I've
had to come home before refreshments.
Sunny Spain.
The narrowness of the streets of
Spanish towns is proverbial. This is
due partly to the necessity of getting
as much shade as possible and partly
to that of economizing space where
city walls exist. Space for a garden,
is a rarity, and flowers must conse
quently be cultivated in balconies dr
on house tops, or not at all. The para
pets are therefore made ornamental
with vases, and in these pots of flow
ers are placed; flowers in earthen pots
are also placed In the balconies, as
well as on various parts of the house
top. ' , - -
' Avoided Profanity.
"Your blank - verse," began the ed
itor. : 4 a.:-. - --
"Blank verse?" the poet Interrupted.
"Why do you call It blank verse when
it -" J ' .. .
"Because It's against my principles
to use a stronger term." Philadelphia
Press. .;" ' ' . ' ' ' : . .
All men are anxious for fame, but
some will accept money , as a eubsti.
tut.
trnav but what I think lt d pay me to