Corvallis gazette., May 30, 1902, Page 4, Image 4

' the last camping ground.
Again we revisit toe last camping ground
Of our "boys" who once wore the blue;
They hear not our coining, so sweetly they
sleep
'Neath the sod, the sunshine, and dew.
The soft wares of Lethe bare swept o'er
their dreams
And borne recognition away:
They rest like their comrades who fell on
the field
Content with the work of the day.
They hear not the low muffled sound of the
ilninis
MEMORIAL DAY.
Or ThA fUHiira n-A nfner In thai
They see not the standard by loving hands
presseo
In memory of long-cherished days.
No pride or ambition is roused In the hearts
That quailed not while foes were yet seen;
Their last battle I fought the victory won.
Their laurels are still fresh and green.
No more shall they hear the revdlle at
dawn.
Or the tattoo send forth Its good night;
The glad news of victory spreading through
camo
And thrilling each soul with delight.
Sleep on. noble heroes! and 9weet be your
rest.
Forgotten yon never will be;
The banner you fought for in triumph still
waves
O'er our land of the brave and the free. -
There are craves upon which no tear-drops
will fall.
Where many He friendless alone.
Yet none are neglected, each grave has a
flowtT,
No hend-lMjard Is lettered "Unknown."
Each life had a mission Und bravely 'twas
done
With spirit both loyal and true;
When the last trumpet shall sound God
will not forget
Our brave "boys" who once wore the blue.
Old Bill's Last
Memorial Day.
WHAT did he give you. Bill?"
"A hundred dollars."
" And you're crying about it
W hy, fellows, look here. A man made
rich for two minutes' work, and he's ac
tually snivelling over his good luck!"
"You don't understand.'" quavered old
Kill Braddock.
"Maybe he's thinking of the royal treat
he'll set tip for the boys to-night nil day
to-morrow, too, Bill. It's a holiday."
Old Bil! Braddook's head went lower.
Iovn dropped his hammer all of a sud
den.
I m not feeling very well, boys." he
muttered unsteadily. "I guess I'll have
to go home."
The scene was a building half-erected,
the actors several workingmcn engaged
upon the Hume.
1 en minutes previous everv man in
the place hail looked up in startled dis
may, as-down the street came tearing a
team of horses attached to a carriage.
In its seat, wildly shrieking and clinging
to the side of the swinging vehicle, was
a child of 10, anil she looked death in the
face.
It was a moment calling for prompt
ness, for heroism. Into the breach step
ed old Bill Braddock.
A leap from a window ten feet up, a
spring lo the road, and then his horri
fied fellow workingmen saw two beings
in peril instead of one.
They shuddered us. clutching at the
necks of the frenzied steeds, old Bill
was whiKd like a plaything under their
feet. Still he held on. Twice, thrice it
seemed that he must be shaken loose un
der the grinding hoofs, but he clung
manfully, and. thirty yards from the deep
gravel pit in the course, menacing sure
destruction, the horses were brought to
a stop.
-When his companion workers came up
Hill was limp as a rag. A mist was over
his eyes, for his exertions had not been
light. Then-he was conscious that a
crowd surrounded him. He heard such
words as "splendid fellow!" "hero!" and
a trembling hand shook his own. while
its owner blessed him for saving his
child, and pressed something crisp into
the pocket of his leathern work apron.
Bill's arm was wrenched and he had re
ceived one or two had blows from the
their child, and then old Bill's poor, lone
ly heart broke, and he went to the dogs,
as the saying is.
"She kissed me!"
That was what old Bill Braddock was
whispering softly to himself. In the
wretched hoarding-house room he called
home, all the rest of that afternoon.
A spell was on the man. While his
friends were discussing how he was rest
ing up to put in all that evening and all
the ensuing holiday in a "right royal cel
ebration on the hundred dollars, far dif
ferent ideas were-battling in the mind for
so many years dazed with sorrow and
benumbed with drink.
That childish kiss had unlocked a door
in the past had let into the lonely soul
whole nock of memories of the days
when he was a better man.
Ill at handshake of a great general had
made Bill thrill as it took hini back to the
proud hour when, before a whole army.
a greater general had publicly commend
ed his heroism in saving the day for his
country.
Well, it was all over now all except
the lonely graves in Belleville cemetery
the little neglected mound where his hero
brother lay.
Poor old Bill's soul was struggling
from its shell. All his braver, gentler
life had come back to him. and he irrone.l
u darkness. He regarded the wasted
years sadly. He felt like the sin-sick
prodigal "I will arise and go to my fath
er." But the prodigal had a home in distant
view, while poor old Bill had none. And
so, through the long afternoon, the think
er struggled. But the kiss kept his heart
tender, and the general's handshake made
him remember he had once been a man.
At dusk he stole from the house, a
mighty resolve in his heart; for one twenty-four
hours, at least, for one solemn
Memorial Day. no liquor should pass his
lips he would commune with his better
self!
He looked like a new man. arrayed in
the neat undress uniform of the Grand
Army, and he carried a wreath of flow-
much of the veteran since the night be
fore.
"He Is dead." spoke the general softly,
"but oh, what a happy face!"
God's sweet morning dew was across
it, the smile of "God's benison of for
giveness and peace seemed to illuminate
it. The spirit of old Bill Braddock that
had walked with the angels through the
silent night, had gone humbly, pleadingly,
repentantly into the presence of the great
Captain, just as the solemn bells were
ringing in a new Memorial Day,
The Wartime Uniform.
All enlisted men wore the blouse for
fatigue dress. It is described in the reg
ulations as "a sack coat of dark blue
flannel, extending half way down the
thigh and made loose, four buttons down
the front." The trousers were of sky
blue cloth, those for mounted men being
"re-enforced," and the overcoat was sky
blue. the color of the trousers, the capes
of the cavalry coming down to the coat
cuff. The capes of the infantry great
coat only came down to the elbow.
FIRE HAS RAVAGED FORESTS.
The. Tremendous Waste in Forty Tears
on the Cascade Baage.
The report of the examination of the
f "Cascade Range and Ashland Forest
; Reserves and Adjacent Regions, by
; J. B. Lei berg-, is a part of the twenty-
, first annual report of the United States
; Geological Survey, and Is edited by
Henry Gannett, geographer.
The region discussed in this report
is in Southern Oregon. It contains
nearly 8,000 square, miles. 4.676.S60
acres, comprising the central and up
per areas of Rogue and Klamath river
basins and a small part of the water
shed of the upper South TJmpqua river
and is divided Into two . nearly equal
portions by the main range of the Cas
cades.
The eastern and western slopes have
many ' dissimilar characteristics, . the
country dropping on the west in long
spurs to the valley of the Rogue river
and on the east in steeper declivities
to the Klamath lakes and the great
plains stretching eastward from them.
The mean elevation Is 6,000 feet The
character of the Cascade range is vol
canic, the cones and peaks being of
different ages, and extinct craters
abounding among them, the one con
Gaining the famous Crater lake. .
The Ashland forest reserve consists
of Siskiyou peak, or Ashland Butte,
nearly 8,000 feet above sea level, and
contains over 22,000 acres. The ob
ject of this reserve is to maintain the
volume and purity of Ashland creek,
the water supply of the town of Ash
land. The Siskiyou mountain range
forms .a connecting link between the
Coast range and the Cascades.
In this region the same general con
ditions prevail as in the Mount Rai
nier reserve; -The crest of the range
forms a dividing line between two
widely differing sets of forest condi
tions. Upon the west, with an ample
rainfall, the forests are fairly dense
and the undergrowth luxuriant. . Upon
the east, where more arid conditions
prevail, the forests are open, with no
underbrush.
Fires have widely ravaged this re
gion, says the New York Post. Of the
forested area examined, in round num
bers 3,000,000 acres, Leiberg estimates
that 2,975,000 acres or 99.99 per cent
are fire marked; and that of this fire
marked area, 587,000 acres are badly
burned. That is to say, within the
last forty years,- settlement clearings
not Included, 7,000,000,000 feet of mer
chantable mill timber has been de
stroyed by fire." .
The Army Nurse.
If the brave lads, now grown gray and
grim, who braved the battle's perils and
lived through months of hospital exDeri-
ence could have their way about it, every
woman wno ever set root inside the hos
pital doors with a view to comfortinsr
and administering to the sick would be.
canonized to-day. There isn't a saint in
the list who would stand a ghost of a
show beside an "army nurse."
Smoking Compartments for Women.
On the Continent smoking is crowing
so rapidly in favor among the fair sex
that on some of the Belgian railroads
smoking compartments are to be pro
vided exclusively for women. What
has particularly served to bring the.
matter before the officials' notice is an
incident that recently occurred when
a young woman entered one of the car
riages on the southern railroad reserv
sd for ladies, and in a few minutes af-
RETROSPECT.
carriage pole on the head, and he was
confused, but as a face like that of
an angel, aureoled with golden hair, look
ed Into his own, and a pair of soft, young
trms encircled his neck, and a childish
voice whispered tearful thanks and a
pair of sweet, fresh Hps pressed his bronz
ed cheek, he seemed to thrill back into
a life where tenderness had ruled Instead
of the reckless riot of late wasted years.
He heard some one say that he had
saved the life of the only darling child of
some prominent general, on his way to
lead the memorial exercises of the fol
lowing morning at Belleview. the next
towu. Then he was led by his friends
back to the buildiug.
"Sort of dazed by his shaking up."
commented one of these, as Bill left his
work. "He'll be at the corners to-night.
. though. A liberal fellow of the right
sort is old Bill Braddock. and he'll just
outdo himself with a hundred dollar b'll
In his pocket. Mark my words."
Yes. "a liberal fellow" had old Bill
Braddock been all his life, and that was
why at sixty-eight he was without a
home, working harder than ever, and
draining the dregs of life.
Of "the right sort," surely, for he had
not hesitated to risk his own life to save
that of an imperilled human being.
Everybody knew old Bill. He had come
back from the war with a record. How
proudly for ten years had he been a fa
miliar Og'ire aliout the village, obscuring
that record by giving all the credit of
this deed aud that effort iu battle to his
brother!
Then his brother died, and his wife
followed, and a few years later, the gen
tle, witching little golden-haired fairy.
towrtewrohhSouT.a"terhe W I ? V'" frm BrUSsels
His companions found no boon fellow-
awaiting them that night.
Bill was traversing the road to Belle
view alone with his soul and God.
The freshness of flowers, of aoft
rephyrs, of happy insect life was all
about him. A holy heaven full of stars
twinkled peace into his starving heart.
And he marched forward with new
thoughts and grand thoughts, as he had
once marched at Gettysburg, at Chau
eellorsville, at Manasses Gap.
Forward, march! he had been a good
soldier then.
Forward, march! some stirring Teice
seemed to tell him he was a braver man
to-night, tramp, tramp, tramping it away
from reckless companions, into an atmos-
pnere or pure and holy thoughts.
lit a cigarette and began to smoke"lfc
Whereupon the other women in the
compartment became very indignant,
threatening to complain to the guard as'
soon as the train stopped. "I am In a
carriage reserved for ladies," observed
the smoker blandly, "and I am not
aware of any law which prohibits la
dies from smoking." When the train
There are as many different dialects
spoken in China as in Europe.
t uina raises and consumes more
ducks than any other country in the
world.
Titanium Is the hardest metal. It
looks like copper, but will scratch rock
crystal.
It takes 2,800 silk worms to make a
pound of silk, and these worms eat 156
oiinds of leaves before they spin their
cocoons.
Iu Santa Clara, Cal., there is a church
constructed from the wood of a single
vak tree. The building is thirty feet
vide and seventy feet deep, yet when
us construction was completed 1,200
feet of lumber remains unused.
.Many of the fruits and vegetables
now eaten In England were almost un
known to our forefathers. Xot until
Henry VIH.'s time were either raspber
ries or strawberries or cherries grown
in England, and we do not read of the
turnip, cauliflower and quince being
cultivated before the sixteenth century.
or the carrot before the seventeenth
centurs-.
The Belgian consul general at Chi
cago has made a report on the magni
tude of the commerce of cereals there,
from which the following figures are
extracted. It is not every American
who realizes the enormous business
done. In the first place, the flour is
expressed in terms of wheat by calling
one barrel of flour the equivalent of
five bushels of wheat The figures of
arrivals show that 321000,000 bushels
of grain were received In the last sta
tistical year. Wheat In bulk was re
ceived to the amount of 31,000,000 bush
els, and maize to the amount of 134,-
C00,000.
Few people have any Idea of the enor
mity of the insurance business of the
United States. It not only exceeds that
of any other country, but Is twice as
great as that of all the rest of the world
combined. At the present time there is
in the United States about ?12,O00,O00,
OTO of life Insurance in force, including
assessment business. This means over
$1G0 for every man, woman and child
In the country, or $800 for every family.
The annual risks written by the fire
insurance companies are estimated at
$20,000,000,000, which is 5250 per cap
ita, or ?1,250 per family. Thus it will be
seen that every family In the country
on an average has insurance assets of
over $2,000.
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS. .
Pleasant Incident Occurring ". the
World Over Sayings that Are Cheer
ful to Old" or Tonng-Fnanj Selec
tions that Everybody Will Enjoy.
"You say she is a good business
woman?"
"Oh, splendid, incomparable. She lets
absolutely nothing drive business out
of her head. Why. just before Harold
- Intimidation.
First Senator Something seems to be
troubling Jones. . '
His Colleague See that woman with
the eyeglasses and the stem smile in
the gallery?
. "Yes." . .- ; '
. "That's his wife, and he's got a wom
an suffrage bin In his pocket. Hedoesn't
know whether to introduce It. and get
roasted or to sit still and meet her when
the session's over."
"What will he do?"
"Oh, hell introduce it." Detroit Free
Press.
- Feminine Trio, i ; '-
"The- most troublesome member of
started for Europe he Dronosed to her T flock," said the parson, "is the
by letter and asked her to telegraph her J young woman who wants a husband.'
answer.'
f'Well?"
."WelL most people would have tele
graphed 'Yes' or 'No,' but she had
enougn or.a business head to wire: 'It
"My most troublesome client, said
! the lawyer. "Is a middle-aged woman
who wants a divorce."
"The most troublesome patient I
have," said the physician, "is a spin-
what she wants." Chicago News.
affords me great pleasure to say yes I 8ter or uncertain age who doesn't know
to yon, tnus preventing the telegraph
company from getting any advantage
or ner in charging for a ten-word mes
sage." Brooklyn Eagle.
"AUNT BECKY." .
Short History of a. Woman Who Ac
complished Many Things.
There resides in Des Moines, Iowa,
the oldest and most noted war nurse
living. She Is familiarly known as
"Aunt Becky." al
though her name U
really Mrs. Sarah
Young.
When Su niter
was, fired on Anne
Graham was a girl
of 17; . her twtf
brothers aud many '
of her friends en
listed and Anne
longed to be a man
that she might en
ter the ranks with
so bravely -
away leaving a great gap in the homes.
When the news of the wounded filled
the papers Anne decided that if she
couldn't fight for her country she could
at least care for those who had so
bravely risked their lives In the cause.
Two years after Sumter was fired
on the One hundred and ninth New
MRS. S.
the boys
Torso.
who marched
Improvement.
'Don't you, think," I inquired of the
prosperous looking man with the heavy
I mustache and watch-chain, who was York Volunteers was organized in her
dressed in the 1-t-inch balk 'line suit, town, with Benjamin F. Tracv. after-
'that the world is getting better?" ward Secretary of War under Harri-
"Sure!" he replied, with the frank en- son, at the head of the regiment Anne
In the Cheap Cafe.
Waiter W'at yer goin' ter have?
nstoiner- (undecided) Oh. I don't
know.
Waiter (calling back to the kitchen) thusiasm of success. "Not only better.
One hash.'
but easier." Puck.
4
.
The Dustman.
Going to Extremes.
Blobbs Wigwag is a great stickler
for harmony.
Slobbs Yes, he's even going to mar
ry Miss Oldgirl because he thinks she
would go well with his antique furni
ture. Philadelphia Record. ;-
Not in His Line.
'William, wake up!" she whispered.
"I'm sure I heard a burglar downstairs.
You'd better go down and see."
'My goodness, woman," he replied.
! sleepily, "what a low opinion you must
have of me! I'm not in theiabit of
hobnobbing with burglars." Catholic
Standard and Times.
He My wife Is strictly orthodox in
her religious beliefs.
She Is that so?
He les; she thinks I am made of
dust."-
Never Stopped.
Oyer i dropped my watch in the riv
er and didn't recover it for three days.
It kept on running, though.
Myer Pshaw! A watch won't run
for three days.
Oyer Of course not I was speaking
of the river.
Well Brought Up.
Grateful Parent What can I do, sir,
to show my gratitude? You have
saved my daughter from drowning.
Rescuer Don't thank me. Thank
yourself. She owes her life, and I owe
mine, to the fact that you brought her
up in Boston.
'Eh?"
'It is "very simple. Most girls would
grab a rescuer by the neck, and. both
would be drowned, but your daughter
modestly waited -for an introduction.
New York Weekly. '
Friendly Tip.
"Oh, dear!" exclaimed the girl at the the outbreak of the Civil War
Graham had found her opportunity.
Mr. Tracy knew the -family well, knew
of Anne's ambition aud also of her
skill In a sick room. He Immediately
secured her a permit to Join the regi
ment as a regular army nurse, and she
proudly marched to the front with the
One" hundred and ninth Volunteers.
Anne went into the work heart ami
soul, and with a thorough knowledge
of her duties, which soon won for her
the admiration and respect of the sur
geons and the devotion of the soldiers.
She served during the remainder of the
war from the Wilderness to Petersburg,
caring as tenderly for the "rebs" as
she did for the men of the North. Both
the Blue and the Gray had reason to
reverence the name of "Aunt Becky."
Shortly after the war Anne Graham
was married to Davra Young, a car
penter, and also asoldier. who had
fought for the Qneen in Canada during
the French outbreak. This ceremony
crushed the hopes of a certain young
Northern soldier whom "Aunt Becky"
had nursed during the struggle, and
who lost his heart to the maiden who
had brought him back to health.
Besides being an army nurse of wide
reputation, Mrs. "Young is the founder
of two State sanitary associations.
one In New lork and the other in
Iowa. The first had Its beginning in
Ithaca, N. Y., when she was a girl .it
. The
"Oh, papa! what a beautiful wreath on
this little grave!" -
"And someone lying beside it!"
Early in the morning the general and
his daughter had come to the cemetery,
to tiud the first wreath placed on the
grave of old Bill Braddock'. brother.
"It is a man how still he lies. Papa,
is he dead?"
The old general turned the prostrate
form. The child uttered a sharp, half
frightened cry.
"It is the man oh. papa!" she choked
UP t i the man who saved my life!"
The general lifted his hat in reverence,
his daughter clung to his side with eyes
brimming with tears.
They could not help but read the story
true, for they had taken pains to learn
A Kansas Octogenarian.
Squire L. D. Cbaddon, of Wellington.
Kan., who celebrated his eighty-fourth
birthday recently, when a boy nsed to
en into the woods after annlrralo tttik
stopped, the guard was informed of the Roscoe Conkling. He chewed tobacco
i -,. ul a wain io mterrere, for nair a century, ana then quit He
and the result was that when the worn- finds his pipe a comfort He never
u uioh.er arrived at her destination, took a drink of red liquor at a bar.
she consulted a lawyer, who has now ' After sixty years of married life, Mrs!
by au action in court raised the inter- Chaddon still does all her own housed
esnng question: Should railroad com- work, except the familv washing .nii
panics be compelled to provide separate I the squire says he has to read the riot
Horrid Fear.
Well," said the girl's father, sternly,
fter the timid suitor had finally stated
his case, "do you think you could sup
port a family, young man?"
"Gee whizz!" exclaimed the young
man, "have you lost your Job?"
ribbon counter. "I'm so tired. I do
wish I could sit down somewhere."
"I wish to goodness you would go
over and sit on that fresh floor-walker,"
said the hairpin demonstrator.
latter was organized In Des Moines at
the beginning of the Spanish-American
War.
WHAT IS TEMPERAMENT ?
Didn't Do Things by Halves.
One Way of Putting It.
Nell Have you heard the news about
Ethel ? She has got a position as a dish
washer.
Bell You don't mean it!
Nell Yes, I do; she is going to marry
Charlie Thompson.
Tried to Kxplain It.
Mr. rlatleigh les; I'm a self-made
man.
Professor Studiosis Er um get the
material at a bargain sale?
Gave Themselves Away.
She And I am really and truly the
first girl you ever kissed?
He Do you doubt It, darling?
She Yes; your manner savors of long
experience.
He How do you "know it does?
Nothing Lacking:.
Miss Millyuu One can be very happy
in this world with health and money.
1 oung Dedbroke Then let's be made
one. I have the health and you have
the money. London Tit-Bits.
"Let's take a sail."
"No; let's take de whole boat."
-it.
The Brutal Sex.
"Johnnie is such a strenuous boy,"
remarked the fond mother. "He hasn't
sat still a minute this whole blessed
day."
"Huh!" growled her bachelor brother,
"if he was my kid he wouldn't be able
to sit at all for a week."
No Wonder This Poor Child Was Ail at
Sea Over the Question.
-The half-dozen blocks about Dupout
circle in Washington include the houirs
of as many scientists of national repu
tation. These gentlemen, of course.
know each other and meet frequently.
Not long ago one of their neighbors
began to wonder whether such intimate
intercourse among scientists .was a
good thing, his cogitation having had
its rise in the following incident:
His little daughter has just reached
the age when she asks 200 questions a
day. About a tnonrh ago her father
spoke of some author as lacking thu
proper "temperament" for writing on
history. That word "temperament" ap
parently took root in the youngster's
mind. What was temperament? She
asked that question twice an hour for
an entire week. Finally her father
gave her a note to Professor and'
sent her off to find out. That scientist
Her Side of It.
He Spoke from Kxperience.
Bobby ra, what do they call a man
who has two wives?
ra A bigamist, Bobby.
Bobby Pa, suppose he lias more
than two wives; what is lie then?
Pa A hopeless idiot! Now don't
bother me with any more questions.
That Altered the Case.
Stern Father -Didn't I tell you not to
call again, sir?
Suitor I know; but I didn't call to
see your daughter.
of our firm about tha
Stern Father Er er call
please.
"1 wonder why the humorists do not
write any jokes about the sou-in-law,"
observed the curious person.
For the simple reason," replied the
mother of the bride, "that a son-in-law
is no joke."
' An Unpleasant Precedent.
All the members of the English roy
al family Have been vaccinated."
"I wonder if that establishes a prece
dent?
"What sort of a precedent?"
"One which forces the King's familv
to Dare arms." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
answered the query as follows:
"Temperament is an individual ten
dency to the rise of a certain mental
state."
Father and daughter wrestled with
that a little while and then applied to
a second member of the scientific group
for help.
No. 2 called temperament "au en
semble of physical aud mental traits
arising from fundamental constitution
al differences in individuals."
This put the little girl's father cotti-
rlotolir nt sen. So No. 3 was trlil.
I came on behalf j Hlg Jujgment was that "temperament
t little bill " , ol,l raonltonf rxf Ua n-lir.l
""' organic life of the individual."
By this time, says the Washington
! Star, hope was abandoned. But when
No. 4 volunteered to make it clear the
family spirits revived. "Temperament
Making It Heavier. "
Manager I'm afraid this play isn't
quite heavy enough.
Play wright Well, we might increase : Is a general disposition of the mind."
the wait between the acts. I'hiladel- he wrote, "the distinctions of which,
phia Record. j depend on the dominance of one or thu
Had Promised to Be. . j oter f tne Physiological systems."
Harry Was that your sister I saw And now the famlly dictionary is worn
smoking cars for women who wish to
smoke while they are traveling? Some
of the companies, however, appear to
have taken time by the forelock and
stand ready to meet this new want
The wormwood plant Is a native of
Europe, growing wild in most Darts of
the continent. The plant was known to
the ancients, and is extensively used
In many parts of Germany in the man
ufacture of beer, to impart a bitter fla
vor to the liquor, thus taking the place,
to some extent of hops. AU parts of
the wormwood plant are bitter. The
French drink known as absinth Is a
preparation of the wormwood.
act once in a while to head her off from
doing that
Very few
anecdotes.
men dote on other men's
Through Hia Nose.
Cholly Ldghtpayte has changed doc
tors.
"What was the trouble with the old
one?"
"Cholly thought what ailed him was
smoking cigaroots on an empty stom
ach, but when he asked the doctor
about it the doctor told him it was
smoking them through an empty head."
cnicago iribune.
Met Their Match.
Clarence Well, were your friends,
Mrs. Hobbs aud Mrs. Dobbs, congen
ial? Clara Oh, Clarence, each found an
opportunity to tell me that the other
was the biggest talker she had ever
met Detroit Free Press.
M
Spades Made from Horseshoes.
Chinese spades from British horse
shoes sounds like an absurd statement,
but the fact is that shiploads of old
horseshoes leave : London for China.
All these come back to London In the
form of spades, having been so trans
formed by the ingenious natives.
Had Reached the Limit.
Mickey Wot made yer quit yer job,
jimmy .'
Jimmie Cos de boss had a record of
all me relations wot died last sum
mer, an' he wouldn't let me use none of
'em over again. If I don't git a jiew
job I can't see no ball games. Judge.
Footing the Bill.
Editor Oust getting on train with va
lise) What do yon want now? Do yon
suppose I'll stay in this town after be
ing tarred and feathered?
Citizen No; and that's just why I
want you to pay tnm Diu. That was my
tar they nsed. ' -
Double Vision.
Judge-Have I not seen you twice be
fore under the influence of liquor?
Defendant If you were In that condi
tion, your honor, you probably did
see me twice. Philadelphia Press. j
with you last evening?
Dick Worse than that. She has
promised she will be. Boston Tran
script. An Undesirable Job.
Weary Willie Say, Tatters, how 'ud
you like ter be a angel?
Tired Tatters Nay, nay, Weary. Not
me.
Weary Willie 'Cos why, Tatters?
Tired Tatters 'Cos den I'd have
wings an it 'ud be too much like work
a-flappin' 'em all de time.
f out
She Had to Diet
Doctors sometimes give their direc
tions for taking drugs or other treat
ment in language beyond the compre
hension of the patient. Occasionally
tragic, but more often amusing, mis
takes occur thereby. Judge tells one
of the amusing kind, although It might
have been uncomfortable, at least.
A small colored girl went to a drug
store and said to the clerk, "'Ma mam
my wants some o' de handsomest dye
ye got."
Certainly a Conductor. "The handsomest' repeated the
John Philip' Sousa, the bandmaster, clerk. "Well, I don't know what does
usually wears his uniform at all times she want It for
and seasons, and prefers that his men "Sne done got de misery 'n her
do the same. A Buffalo paper says stummick, and de doctor say she must
that the practice has led to some very j lt' and she sa If she bab sot ter
amusing experiences, and gives the aTe it she want it a handsome color."
following as an instance:
One night Mr. Sousa was standing in
a railway-station, on the platform,
waiting for a train. A belated traveler
ran up to him and asked excitedly,
Has the nine-three train pulled out?"
"I really don't know," responded Mr.
Sousa.
Well, why don't you know?" shout
ed the traveler. "What are you stand
ing here for like a stick of wood ?
Aren't you a conductor?"
"Yes," said . Mr. Sousa, pleasantly,
I am a conductor."
"A nice sort of a conductor, Indeed!"
exclaimed the man.
WelL you see," smilingly respond-
Knglish Signs in Japan.
Here are some curious English signs
in the windows of shops in Japan: ''The
all countries boot and shoe small or fine
wares," "Old curios." "Horseshoe
1 mt.ker instruct by French horse leech."
"Cut hair shop." "If you waut sell
Watch, I will buy. If you want buy
watch, I wil sell. Yes. sir, we will, all
will. Come at my shop. Watchr
maker." "Hatter native country."
"Antetnatic of nausea marina." "The
house build for the manufacture of all
and best kinds of hats and caps."
Telegraph Pules in China.
Of the telegraphic poles set up at
ed the musician, "I am not the conduc- Feng-Tal and Chung-Hsiang in Chihli
tor of a train, but of-a brass band."- j by the Japanese after the capture of
Peking by the allies, more than thirty
Elocution is more desirable than -1 the former nlace and no less ti.nn
piano playing, for the reason that with ' ten at the Tatter place have been w-ni-elo-.Titlon,
the father, of the girl Isn't ! tonlv cut off or otherwise deKtrm-e,i h. -.
compelled to buy a piano. I the natives