Corvallis gazette., January 10, 1902, Page 4, Image 4

Ml
THE SPONGE MAY
The sponge Is coming into disfavor in tie St. Louis public schools.
"There are excellent grounds for the objection, too," says Chief Dispensary Physician Jordan. "They are a good
carrier of germs, and extremely liable to be unclean."
"The make-up of the sponge shows the possibility of its retaining germs. For that reason the use of the sponge
has been largely abandoned in surgery and absorbant cotton used instead. I should recommend the use of a cloth. One
of the most dangerous practices in connection with the use of sponges is by children spitting upon a sponge. Diphtheria,
tuberculosis and other communicable diseases may be spread by this means. Especially if the sponge were passed from
ne child to aBother. Something less expensive and oftener destroyed, like a cloth, would be less dangerous, I believe."
"The use of the sponge is passing in the public schools," stated Assistant School Superintendent Murphy. "The
ponge in Its very nature is uncleanly, and, of course, children cannot be made to keep them clean. For several years
we have been discouraging their use."
THE SNOWDRIFT.
When night dropped down, the fields
were dark and dun,
Storm sprites were out we heard the
north wind blow;
TJipn whpn nrnsp th slowlv wading sun.
Morning came mantled in a robe of j
White grew the landscape; every field
and knoll
Shone forth transfigured by the snow
storm's spell;
The trees and fences stood in motley
droll,
Half dark, half whitened by this mira
cle. But where the stone wall held its Parian
weight
Of snowdrift, like some Alp or Apen
nine, We saw a sculpture man could not create,
Smoothed off and chiseled by some
touch divine.
Mute wonder of the myriad molded snow,
Pure as the stars that sentinel the sky,
What art could improvise and fashion so,
Unless some godlike power sped pro
creant by!
Here plinth and cornice, architrave and
frieze.
Lift up a beauty to the day and sun,
Amidst the silver of the tinseled trees,
Thtat never Phidias or Canova won.
Country Life.
A -ONESIDED- $00fsGri
4-
t'T V I "
HI
E was a big-limbed, brown-
faced man, and somehow he
looked awkward amid the glit
tering artificiality of a ballroom. He
was just the sort of being one asso
ciated with big game hunting and the
wild regions of the earth. He seemed
as much out of place at a dance as a
rice pudding in a Parisian menu.
"Miss Bainbridge!"
"Mr. Carlyon!"
The man's voice was apologetic, the
girl's frankly amazed.
"Fancy finding you at a dance!" the
girl went on, after the first flush of sur
prise had died a natural death.
"Yes, It's not much in my line. But
the fact Is well, I came to see you."
"To see me?'
"Yes. I wanted to ask your advice
on a subject that has been worrying
me a great deal. You're about the only
girl I know whom 1 thought 1 could
tackle without fear of being laughed
nt. Can you give uie a dance?"
Millicent Bainbridge could hardly
help smiling at tue almost boyish man
ner in which the sunburnt young giant
voiced his semi-apologetic avowal.
"1 shall be delighted," she said, sweet
ly. "What shall it be?"
"O, I don't care 1 mean I do care,
only I can't dance, so it can be polka,
waltz, or what you will. But I know
you're a good dancer, so it had better
be one you don't miud sitting out."
"Shall we say number six, polka?"
Number six arrived in due course. By
that time Millicent was devoured with
curiosity to know what Carlyon could
possibly want to ask her advice about.
How big and handsome and frank he
was! So different to the usual run of
men encounted In a London ballroom.
Carlyon bore his partner away in tri
umph to a secluded corner of the con
servatory. As soon as they were seated
he burst out:
"I've fallen In love. Miss Bainbridge.
I've known you a good long time, and
I want you to tell me how a fellow Is
to make sure of getting a girl to return
his affection."
Milllcent's face went crimson. Then
the color ebbed away.
"Does the girl know you are fond of
her?" she said, after a slight pause.
"She hasn't an idea," answered Carl
yon emphatically. "And I'm such a
rough sort of fellow I don't know how
to begin. Supposing you were the girl.
tli ,ti At if
TTTT
The E itor: "Your story
's cxio'.lont-
SOON BE BARRED FROM CITY SCHOOLS.
now, how would you like the fellow you
were going to marry to behave?"
"O, that is soon told," answered Mil
licent. "In the first place he must be
attentive, my knight. He must be
ways courteous, always ready to inter
pret my every fancy. He must send me
flowers and sweets, take me to thea
ters "
"Must every man do that sort of
thing?"
"Every man who wants to win a wo
man must be prepared to make sacri
fices. Then my lover must study all
my whims. He must be able to read
me like a book, to be loving and yet
masterful, manly yet tender."
Dick Carlyon groaned audibly. "Then
it's all up with my ever having a shot
at trying to make a girl care for me. I
can't do any of the things you mention.
I can only be a great clumsy idiot, all
right on a horse or behind a gun, but
no good at making a girl happy."
"But don't be so downcast, Mr. Carl-
"DOES THE GIRL K.VOW vou are fond
OF HER?"
yon! After all, I've onry given you my
view. Terhaps the other girl "
"There is no other girl!"
Again Millicent's face became scar
let. "Why, what do you mean?" she cried.
"Well I O, what an ass I am! I
thought I hoped perhaps you'd give
me a lead. It was you I'd fallen in love
with, Miss Bainbridge!"
Millicent could hardly keep from
bursting into a peal of merry laugh
ter.. "Why on earth didn't you say so at
once, Mr. Carlyon?" she cried roguish
ly. "It would have saved such a lot
of trouble. Why, there's the music for
the next dance."
Carlyon rose somewhat heavily.
"Ah, well, he cried, "I've made an
idiot of myself for nothing."
"For nothing? Am I nothing?"
The young man paused. Something
in Millicent's dancing eyes awoke com
prehension in his mind, absolutely un
used as he was to the bewitching co
quetries of the sex capricious.
"You're not laughing at me, Milli
cent?" he asked soberly.
Millicent grew grave in a moment.
"No, you dear, darling old simpleton,"
she answered in a voice that made Carl
yon's pulses quicken; "there, how does
that strike you for a lead?"
And that was all Dick Carlyon's woo
ing. Culcago Tribune.
Proud of His Position.
One of the Scottish regiments In
South Africa has for its regimental pet
a huge male ostrich, which has proved
itself on several occasions a friend in
deed. Its first appearance came about
in this way. A party had been sent to
destroy a farm house that had been the
hiding place of the assassins of several
of the men. and, when the house had
been emptied of its occupants, the
horses and cattle driven off, a fearful
noise was heard coming from a little
A STIDY IN EXPRESSION.
i ' mwm VrW"
TOW
nul Wt'il
give you $11
outhouse at the other end of the house.
On opening the door, out stalked the
huge bird quite bewildered. Some pro
posed shooting it, but by general con
sent it was to be allowed to go. It
followed the party, and at once install
ed himself as one of them. They fed
him with part of their own rations, and
petted him all round. He loves to
march at the head of a party of the
regiment, and if the regiment is on the
road he is sure to be at the head of the
column.
On outpost duty he is a valuable
scout, and gives timely warning of ap
proaching danger. Twice has he saved
the picquet from being cut off, and he
is looked on by all as a real hero.
He had been christened by the name
of "Bobs," and knows his name well.
The regiment does not know what to
do with him when the war is at an end,
but hope to bring him home.
IT NEEDED NO PALMIST.
An Observing Eye Could Easily Tell
Some of Her Faults.
She was very young and very pretty.
She was stylishly gowned and her hat
was a "dream." The man who was
with her evidently found no charm
wanting. But the. woman who sat on
her other side, being an observant, criti
cal stranger, noticed several things as
the car sped on that masculine blind;,
ness failed to-detect: "
"She noted, for instance, that the blue
velvet stock about the "girl's neck was
pinned on. From the side on which she
sat one of the pins just the common
article was plainly visible. Then
such a little thing, but it counted so
much in the other's estimation of the
girl a wire hairpin had been carelessly
stuck into the golden coils of bair
among the pretty ones of shell. Q'here
was a button missing from one of the
gloves, too. It showed only once, when
the girl happened to raise her hand, but
the other woman took it in at a glance.
When the girl leaned forward In her
seat, moreover, this keen observer saw
a part of a safety pin just visible be
low the narrow belt, and she knew that
the smart skirt had been hastily ad
justed. Then a bit of girl's conversation float
ed over to her.
"Now, you know," the pretty young
thing was saying earnestly to her com
panion, according to the New York
Times, "I'm not a bit superstitious and
I don't believe in fortune tellers or any
such nonsense. But I went to one of
these palmists and had my hand read
the other day, just for the fun of it.
And what do you think the woman told
me? That I was awfully careless about
my things. That I hated to mend or
sew and never could keep my room in
order; that I always mislaid my gloves
and little odds and ends and had a time
finding them when I was going out.
She said I always left everything till
the last moment and then rushed about
and dressed in a hurry. And, do you
know, it's so. That just exactly de
scribes me. Now, don't you consider
that remarkable? How on earth could
she have known?"
The man seemed deeply impressed.
The other woman smiled.
He Could Watt.
"Here's the devil to pay," exclaimed
the old man, coming in with a handful
of bills.
"Don't worry about him. dear," said
the wife. "He knows that you'll settle
with him hereafter. "-Atlanta Constitu
tion. A Freak's Failure.
"What's the matter with tbe sword
swallower?"
"Why, some smart person brought in
a blade of grass and-asked him to swal
low it." Philadelphia Bulletin.
Warning from Insurance Men.
New Orleans insurance experts warn
the people that the city may be burned
down any time if the present careless
methods of handling oil are tolerated.
for it-
wheu it is printed in 190i.
BEST TIME TO MAKE Y.
WHEN A REASONABLY COMFORT
ABLE HOME IS ASSURED.
Modern Yoaag People Wait Until Too
Late in Life Nearly All "Self-Made"
Men Wedded on $1,000 a Tear or
Leo a. - -
Why should lovers defer their mar
riage a day longer than the time when,
as far as we mortals can discern the
future, the prospect of a comfortable
home is reasonably assured? asks Cy
rus C. Adams in Ainslee's. It is sense
less to wait for the coming of affluent
days. Their lives should be united,
and each in his way should help to
bring about the advent of easier times
if they are ever to come. It Is as fool
ish to wait for a larger income than is
really required as It is for parents to
slave and drudge that their children
may enjoy a degree of affluence they
have never known. This is the rock
upon wh'ch the French nation has
split They are a frugal and a thrifty
people. It is interesting to know that
many of the tastef uL artistic and cost
ly products of France are made almost
exclusively for the foreign trade. Two
thirds of the best" chinaware of Limo
ges, for example, comes to the United
States. A well-to-do French-woman is
likely to use a preparation of rice flour
as a cosmetic, leaving the delicate per
fumes and other toilet articles of Paris
for her American and British sisters
who are willing to spend more money
for such things. But the rich father,
unfortunately, conceives it to be his
duty to leave his children richer than
himself; if, on the other hand, he be a
poor tiller of the soil, it is disgraceful
not to educate nis son to a trade or a
profession so that the family name
may have a higher place in the social
scale. This deplorable ambition fixes
upon the family a burden almost too
great to be borne, and parents deliber
ately restrict the number of their chil
dren. In large districts, particularly in
Northern France, families of more
than two children are rare. Many of
the young people, seeing the hard lives
their parents lead, defer their own
marriages in order to better their for
tunes, tid at last even the desire to
marry is extinguished. Parents and
children of all lands may well heed the
lesson in sociology that France is now
teaching.
Nearly all our self-made men, lead
ers in the professions and in business,
married young and on very moderate
incomes. Many assumed, without the
slightest trepidation, the responsibility
of supporting a wife on $1,000 a year
or less. These men usually have very
pronounced views on the inadequate
knowledge of the value of money and
how to take care of it possessed by the
majority of young men and women.
The views of these young persons as
to the amount of Income upon which
tbeymay prudently marry vary, of
course, according to the circumstances
in which they have lived. Many an
intelligent girl who works in New
York kitchens has no doubt whatever
Hiat-jshe -and1 'the ..steady; industrioTrTT
fellow sue intends to marry will have
a comfortable home on $12 to $14 a
week. A penniless German school
teacher who came to Philadelphia
when a young man and who in his old
age lives in New York on the rentals
of apartment houses bought with $300,
000 he earn3d slowly in manufacturing
asserted the other day that $1,000 to
$1,500 a year in New York would give
to young married couples of refinement
a comfortable home, books, music and
amusements and everything they
might need for the rational enjoyment
of life. This gentleman has the Ger
man ideas of thrift. There is scarcely
any doubt that any man and wife, gift
ed with an ability to disburse dollars
to the very best advantage, would be
able to realize his idea of comfortable
married life on a small income.
LEFT AND RIGHT HANDEDNESS.
Explained by Anatomical Reasons for
Same Quality in Eyes.
It Is a well-known fact that the
stronger activity of the nerves of the
right half of the body (for not only the
hand Is concerned) must be ascribed
to a preponderance of the left side of
the brain, whose finer development, es
pecially as the seat of the center of
speech, is a matter of common knowl-
; edge, says the London Optician.
In a paper by Dr. Luddeckens in the
I Allemeines Journal der Uhrmacher-
kunst valuable information regarding
j the causes of the unequal working of
; the two hemispheres of the brain is fur-
nished. A sketch touching on the his
tory of evolution leads from the orig
inal symmetry of the organism to a
subsequent disymmetrical arrangement
of the heart and the large blood ves
sels, from which it follows quite nat
urally that the two halves of the head
are not placed on an equal footing as
regards the distribution of the blood,
and consequently of the blood pressure,
and that, on the contrary, there must
be. under normal conditions, a stron
ger pressure on the arteries of the left
side of the head.
This theory is borne out by well
known experiences of anatomists and
pathologists and a series of interesting
observations. Of especial Interest is
the effect of the higher blood pressure
upon the left eye. Dr. Luddeckens
found in the latter, as compared with
the right one, in a surprisingly large
number of cases, a narrower pupil in
consequence of a more filled-up con
dition of the vessels of the iris, and
upon closer examination a shorter con
struction of the eyeball. This furnishes
reason for the fact that in a large num
ber of persons the left eye is the bet
ter one. Thus the finer development
of the left half of the brain is explain
ed very simply by the fact that it Is
better supplied with the blood, and the
question why it is the seat of the cen
ter of speech, and why most people
are right-handed is solved in the most
natural manner.
It Is striking how true a reflection of
the conditions described is afforded by
the examination of left-handed persons.
In many cases a redder color was no
ticeable on the right side of the face;
the right eye was built shorter, its
pupil narrower; in short, everything
points to a better blood supply on the
rigit sid sf the brain, which, in con
sequence, Imparts to the left side of
the body the preponderance over the
right one, a condition styled left-hand-edness.
In close connection thereto Is
the habit of most left-handed persons
to sleep on the left side In the uncon
scious endeavor to relieve the right
half of their brain, which is more
charged with blood during the day.
For right-handed persons the position
on the right side is the normal one for
the same reason.
x-fesgivention
Tyndall says 50,000 typhus germs
will thrive in the small circumference
of a pinhead or visible globule. .
The most wonderful astronomical
photograph in the world is that which
has recently been prepared by London,
Berlin and Parisian astronomers. It
shqws at least 68,000,000 stars.
Plants with white blossoms have a
larger proportion of fragrant species
than any others; next comes red, then
yellow and blue, after which, and in
the same order, may be reckoned vio
let, green, orange, brown and black.
Dr. G. L. Johnson, whose studies of
the eyes of mammals have recently
been published in the Philosophical
Transactions, calls attention to the fact
that men and monkeys alone possess
parallel and convergent vision of the
two eyes. On the other band, the low
er mammals possess divergent and con
sequently very widely extended vision.
Squirrels, for instance, and probably
hares and rabbits as well, are able to
see an enemy approaching directly from
behind without turning the head.
The Rev. John M. Bacon, the Eng
lish balloon expert, insists that light
houses should have warning bells un
der as well as above water, because in
a storm sound travels farther under
water than through the air, and exper
iments both in England and America
have proved that a bell struck under
water can be heard at a long distance
in the hold of a ship. Mr. Bacon is ex
ploring the air over London with bal
loons, and be has made some interest
ing observations on the best methods
of signaling by sound. By applying a
parabolic reflector to a speaking-trumpet
he is able to send the waves of
sound in a straight, compact beam, re
sembling in its directness a ray of light
It is reported that an attempt is about
to be made by the aid of Dr. Isaac
Roberts' celebrated photographs to de
termine whether internal movements
occur in the spiral nebulae. Miss Dor
othea Klumpke, of the Paris Observa
tory, will conduct the examination of
the photographs, her experience in the
measurement of the plates for the in
ternational photographic chart of the
heavens having given her special fitness
for the work. Some of Dr. Roberts'
photographs were made 10 or 12 years
ago, and by comparing these with la
ter pictures of the same objects, itis
hoped that any changes that have oc--curred-ln
4he- shapes of the nebulae
may be detected. The 3icC very " of
such changes would possess great In
terest and importance for astronomers.
The astronomical instruments that
were seized and carried away by the
Germans after the capture of Pekin
by the allied European, Japanese and
American forces ranked as great sci
entific curiosities. There were two sets
of them, placed on and at the foot of
the wall of the Tartar City. One set,
of Chinese manufacture, consisted of
old armillary spheres, and other out-of-date
instruments, of great size and
strangely mounted on bronze dragons.
The other set comprised a large azi
muth, and other similar instruments,
together with a celestial globe of bronze
covered with stars of gold. These last
were made under the direction of the
Dutch Jesuit Verbiest, who was offi
cial astonomer for the Chinese empe
ror in the seventeenth century. Some
of the instruments were presents from
Louis XIV.
Waiters Who Speculate.
Stories of the successful speculation
of waiters in popular resorts on "tips"
received from the patrons - are often
true; but there is the other side that
of losses. Said Philippe at Delmonico's:
"If one of our waiters constantly
speculates on 'tips' loss and failure are
certain to come sooner or later. As in
the case of Beau Brummel's neckties,
one never hears of the unsuccessful,
and their losses. It generally happens
that a waiter is successful at first. If
he puts the money he makes into real
estate he prospers; but let him continue
to speculate and he generally loses Ms
all. JL have had some good winnings,
but prefer investment in real estate.
"Stock speculation really distracts a
waiter," continued the Philippe, ac
cording to the New York Times, "and
he cannot properly attend to business.
As soon as we find a waiter getting too
engrossed in speculation we discharge
him, as he cannot keep away from the
ticker, and confuses his orders. One
poor fellow nearly went crazy here last
winter in consequence of his stock spec
ulations. He would forget his orders
and call for 'one Western Union,' when
he should have said 'one steak under
done,' and so on, until we had to dis
charge him. I do not know what has
become of him, but expect to hear he
has landed in the insane asylum."
Sheer Nonsense.
Joakley Queer thing about that tall
man over there. All his intimate friends
call him "Short."
Coakley Just because he is so tall,
eh?
Joakley No, because that's his name.
Philadelphia Press.
They Didn't Dare to Notice It.
Although the late ameer of Afghani
stan was bow-legged, nobody dared to
allude to the fact until after he was of
ficially declared dead.
This shows what it is to be a success
ful autocrat Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Clash of Brains.
" The man of staid and studious turn
- Will struggle day and night to learn;
And rival seers will try to show
That all his knowledge isn't so.
Washington Star.
Every man hides his deformity.
We are all caught oftener thaa we
Imagine.
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
- OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Carious and Laughable Phase
of Human Nature Graphically Por
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Oar Own Day A Budget of Fun.
Yeast I see a Philadelphia compos
er has written a quickstep.
Crimsonbeak Yes, and I hear they
are using it in Chicago for a funeral
march. Yonkers Statesman.
Just Begun.
Mr. Figgit Are you almost through
writing that letter?
Mrs. Figgit Dear me. no! Why I
have only got to the postscript. Ohio
State Journal.
Equity.
The uncle (who has just bought a
picture) Now, Billy, how about this
pastel will it last? .
"Well, Uncle Tom, it will last longer
than the check you gave me for It!"
Life.
His Price.
Judge So you voted twice!
did you do that for?
Erastus Fo' a dollah, Jedge.
What
The Otber View.
"It seems to me," said the lady with
a severe glance, "that the newspapers
print some dreadful things."
"Yes," answered the reporter; "it of
ten makes me sad to think that people
insist on doing shocking things and
compelling us to write about them."
Washington Star.
Violent Cases.
Gothamite (referring to Stock Ex
change brokers doing business) What
do you think of them, uncic?
Uncle (from Podunk) Worst I ever
see! Where dew they lock 'em up
nights? Puck.
He Wondered.
Mrs. Whyte She learned to speak
French in six weeks.
Mr. Wbyte I wonder how long it
will take the folks over In France to
learn to understand her. Somerville
Journal.
Mixed Breed.
X. That dog is a pointer, isn't he?
Y. Gad, no! He's a disappointer!
Had No Cause for Fear.
Her Father He claims to love you
and yet is afraid to speak to me. What
sort of a goose is he? I was not afraid
to ask. for your--mother. - -. .
She Yes, I know. But but you see,
she did not have the same sort of a
father I have.
Just About.
Uncle Jason (at the seaside hotel)
What's the difference between the
American and European plans, John?
Galey Oh, about the same difference
as between embezzlement and robbery.
Puck.
Unsophisticated.
Jack That little girl I'm in love with
now is a perfect little wild flower,
fresh as a daisy. Why, she's never even
been waltzed with.
George Well! well!
Jack That's true. Never been any
thing but engaged a few times. New
York Weekly.
Afraid to Look.
"Are you looking for work?
"Looking! I should say so! In dees
troublous times a feller has to keep his
eyes peeled fer work or he'll run right
into it."
The Desired Result.
First Chinese. Diplomat The for
eign diplomats are holding another con
ference to-day.
Second. Chinese Statesman Well, let
us hope they will reach a misunder
standing. Puck.
She Would Do the Following; Then.
"I could follow your footsteps all my
life long, dearest!"
"Oh, yes; you say that; but when we
are married no doubt you'll always
walk about ten feet ahead of me, just
like all other husbands." Stray Sto
ries. Barred Out.
"I have decided to be a hospital
nurse," said Amy. "I saw It stated
that 75 per cent of the unmarried men
fall in love and propose marriage to
the women that nurse them through
severe illnesses."
"I saw that statement, too," added
Mabel; "but my recollection is thatjt
said pretty nurses." Stray Stories.
A Bald Assertion.
Barber Your hair will be gray if it
keeps on.
Scantylocks Well, I hope it will keep
on. Baltimore World.
Effect on Different Faces.
Mrs. Myles That hat makes your
face look very short.
Mrs. Styles That's funny. It made
my husband's face look long. Stray
Stories. .
A Familiar Illustration.
"Now, Johnny," said the Sunday
school teacher, "you may tell us what
a prophet is."
"Why," replied Johnny, "it's a fellow
that's always lookin' for a chance to
say T told yoo so.' "Philadelphia
Press.
Will Be Glad to Hear It.
Blobbs I see there's a movement on
foot to coin half-cent pieces.
Slobbs That will be good news for
the people who have been putting pen
nies in the collection basket every Sun
day for many years. Philadelphia
Record.
The Man-Who-Dldn't-Get-Off.
"For deep-laid, underground, double
dyed contrary meanness give me a
woman."
"Goodness what do you mean?"
"They always go to cleaning house
just when a man is thinking of going
fishing." Chicago Times-Herald.
The Point of View.
"Britannia rules the waves In war,"
we said to the Boer patriot
"Indeed? I thought Britannia
waived rules in war," responded he,
with some bitterness manifest In his
speech. Baltimore American.
Was Disappointed.
"He said he would kill himself if I
wouldn't marry him."
"Well?"
"He didn't do it; the mean thing."
A Timely Hint.
The women should quit wearing
white feathers in their hair. No one
admires the white feather, even when
it is shown in a whim of fashion.
Atchison Globe.
Too Bad.
"Do you know, Miss Frlsble," said
the large-headed young author, "my
most brilliant thoughts come to me to
my sleep?"
"It's a great pity that you are trou
bled with insomnia," added the young
lady. Detroit Free Press.
Free Bathing;.
"Did you notice. Weary, dat some
English doctor says we bathe too
freely?"
"I'm afraid dat hits me, Limpy. I
never paid a cent for a bath in all my
life." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
No Golf.
"The pastor said this morning that
we should go to church, no matter how.
bad the weather is."
"Why, that is the only time I can go.
Then there's nothing else to do."
Poor Sufferer I
Philadelphia Man Can you do some
thing for me, doctor? I am dreadfully,
troubled with insomnia.
Physician I am sorry to hear it
Philadelphia Man Yes, some nights
I cannot get to sleep after 9 o'clock.
Somerville Journal.
Good Taste.
"It is bad form to dip your bread in
the gravy."
"Yes, but it's good taste, mamma."
A Better Way.
Dramatist In my new play the hero,
gets killed in the last act.
Manager That's a mistake.
Dramatist Why?
Manager He ought to be killed in
the first act
Competitive Examination.
Mr. Hopkins What would you do if
a Boston girl quoted Emerson at you?
Mr. Simpson I'd ask her to name the
Presidents of the United States. De
troit Free Press.
Uncle Eph'm Crushes a Doubter.
"For all your pretending to be" so
wise, Uncle Ephraim," said the colonel,
who dwelt in the big house on the hill,
"you don't know how to bring up chil
dren. Look at that young rapscallion
of yours that's always robbing my or
chard." "Dat don't make no diff 'ence 'bout a
man's wisd'm, cunnel," said Uncle
Eph'm, austerely, "how he done brung
up his chillun. King Solomon hisse'f
raised a boy dat turned bad." Chicago
Tribune.
Both Kinds.
A Boston "funeral director" displays
in front of his establishment a sign
which reads: "Undertaking wholesale
and retail."
Why Not?
Judge You say the defendant turned
and whistled to the dog. What follow
ed? Intelligent witness. The dog. Stray
Stories.
Her Dearest Friend.
May Jack was saved by a bullet
striking my picture, which he carried
in the breast pocket of his tunic. '
Lucy Is that so? Well, I should say
your picture would stop a four-inch
shell Stray Stories.
To the Astronomers.
Still survey the heavens
For all that you are worth,
We may have to hunt a planet
When the trusts own all the earth.
Washington Star.
Man's Dress $80 a Year.
Mrs. Theodore Roosevelt's statement
that a woman can dress well on $300 a
year caused a tailor the other day to
discuss the annual cost of a man's
dress.
The average man, he said, had two
suits, a winter and a summer one, that
last him at least two years, and two
overcoats, one for fall and one for win
ter, that last him three years. The
suits, at $30 each, divided by two (the
number of years of their endurance),
and the coats at a similar figure divid
ed by three, would cost $50. Two pairs
of shoes would cost $10, two hats $7,
and a moderate amount of linen and
underwear about $30 more. That makes
the grand total of the average man's
annual expenditure for dress only $80,
and the tailor said he thought many
persons got through on even less.
The rich man who goes out a good
deal will spend often $1,000 or more a
year on his clothes, and the tailor men
tioned, says the Philadelphia Record,
the names of two young millionaires
who each lavish from $2,500 to $3,000
annually on their wardrobes.
Some smiles look as though they had
been soaked In vinegar.