Corvallis gazette., December 06, 1901, Image 4

THE OLD GARDEN.
I know of a haunted garden where the
old-time flowers grow;
There are hollyhocks and lilies in a
long and stately row;
There are lilac trees by the gateway, and
roses white and red
And the Southern wood's spicy fragrance
follows the careless tread
A memory haunted garden, out of life's
busy way,
Where the. spell of vanished summers
lingers the livelong day.
The hands that planted these flowers
have moldered back to dust,
But their hearts are true and steadfast,
and they seem to hold in trust
The memories of the old-time, and those
whom men forget.
Perhaps for the lilac and lily the dead
are living yet,
Those whom our eyes can see not may
tend them still who knows
Of the strange, sweet secrets hidden in
the red heart of the rose?
Does grandmother come to gather its
pinks and its pansies still
From the grave which kind hands made
her in the churchyard on the hill?
Does she know when the lilacs blossom
that she planted long ago?
The question must go unanswered, but I
fancy it may be so.
And so from the dear old garden not a
flower I take away,
But leave them all to be gathered by the
hands that are dust to-day. .
National Magazine.
'When Tom Proposed.
OM was wont to declare that his
II envtronmenthad eradicated every
vestige of sentiment that he had
originally possessed.
"How can a fellow retain any feel
ing of sacredness in regard to proposal
or an engagement after bearing such
things canvassed by the girls as I
have?" he would say, pathetically. "If s
my firm belief that most women have
no more sentiment than oyster. If ever
I propose it will be in such a way that
the girl can't make fuu of it afterward
among the other girls."
Tom was an only son. He had seven
sisters and innumerable girl cousins.
Tom was thoroughly conversant with
the love affairs of all of them.
There w:as good ground for his belief
that he knew more of the inside facts
as to how men propose than any other
man living. His presence had never in
terrupted or postponed any account of
a girlish adventure, a flirtation or a
proposal.
"It's only Tom," the girls would say.
And Tom rather enjoyed the revela
. tions.
From the height of his superior
knowledge, Tom occasionally advised
his comrades, who were less blessed
with sisters and cousins.
"It's no use, Billy," he said to Billy
Baxter, who had suggested a proposal
by letter as an easy way; "it's no use
trying to dodge the inevitable. If there
is any particular 'she' In your case,
don't try writing, for even if she in
tends to refuse you she will write ask
ing you to call, and you must go over
the whole thing by word of mouth, be
fore she drops you into the depths with
a 'no.' t
"Besides, It gives the girls an awful
chance at a fellow," he continued. "I'm
not calling any names, but less than a
week Sgo I heard a letter proposal read
by the recipient and a dozen girls as
sisted In composing a suitable reply. I
furnished the stamps and posted the
letter. The poor devil Is in Germany,
I also cabled my condolences. I -now
they -will be appreciated when that let
ter reaches him."
Billy groaned dismally?
"I infer you've already sent your let
ter," said Tom, cheerfully.
Billy groaned agajn in reply.
"Now, I like the "Barkis is willin"
plan," went on Toni. "You know Bob
Bob Treherne? Well, Bob has what
Sam Weller calls 'the gift of gab very
gallopinY He made elaborate prepara
tions; rehearsed before the glass; left
hand In coat front, right used in appro-,
priate gestures, head thrown back,
chest expanded favorite attitude with
men who are photographed In dress
suits. Told the story of his love (to his
own reflection in the mirror), using the
choicest diction and the most beautiful
ly rounded sentences. Make big stock
of 'ideals,' 'passionate devotion,' 'life's
inspiration,' and all that sort Pictured
to himself Bessie's downcast eyes, soft
ly flushed cheeks and trembling lips.
"Bob confesesd all this to me recent
ly. I was about 8 years old, and was in
the room when the actual occurrence
took place. Bob took my sister's kitten
on his lap and said 'Pussy, ask your
mistress If she will marry me.' And
Bess pulled Kitty's tall, saying, 'Tell
him yes, Pussy.' Then she said: 'Torn,
go tell father and mother that Bob and
I are engaged.'
"I suppose the regulation things hap
pened after I went out But that goes
to show of how little avail are great
preparations.
"But such abruptness might displease
some girls," suggested Billy.
"So it might," admitted Billy; "for
Instance, when Silvie -was visiting Bar
bara in western Kansas, a good-looking
ranchman wnom suvie had met twice
galloped up one day, and when Silvie
came to the door he said: 'I just rode
over to see If you would marry me.' -
" 'No, indeed!' gasped Silvie. 'Well,
the thing's off my mind, anyhow,' and
he put spurs to his horse and galloped
away. I admire that style myself."
"But, Tom," wailed Billy, "you don't
know you were never in love.."
"Much you know about that," return
ed Tom promptly. "I've been desperate
ly In love ever since AMce Dainty came
to visit Marie.."
"Waiting a good chance?" questioned
Billy, eagerly.
"Not at alL I've had plenty of
chances. I'm waiting until circum
stances are such that she can't make
me feel I'm dirt under her feet."
The next day Tom took his sister's
guest for a sail to Plymouth. Alice was
fresh and dainty In a crisp white suit
and a becoming yachting cap. Tom's
heart thumped violently.
"No chance for me to-day," 'he
thought; "she is as imperious as a
queen."
But the day proved unfavorable for
pleasure seekers. The water was rough
and the great steamer rocked and plow
ed until even Tom felt qualmish. Alice
NURSE OF CIVIL WAR FAME.
.1
.
"Mother" Bickerdyke, who died recently, was 84 years old. She was in most
of the great battles of the Civil War as a nurse, .and was with Sherman on his
march to the sea. She established various hospitals in the South to care for
Union soldiers, and was in charge of field hospitals at the siege of Vicksburg,
at Lookout Mountain, Missionary Ridge and Chattanooga. She died at Bunker
Hill, Kan., and was buried at Galesburg, 111.
sat watching the unhappy passengers,
her face very pale and her lips tightly
pressed together.
"Alice," said Tom, kindly, "I hope
you're not going to be sick."
She gave him a wild, startled look
there was a convulsive movement a
quick rush to the rail, and Alice had
joined the rank and file paying tribute
to old Neptune. Tom was at her side
in an instant, with a firm arm around
her waist and a strong hand supporting
her head. It was not a romantic situa
tion, but Tom felt that his opportunity
bad come.
"Oh, Tom, I am so mortified," gasped
poor Alice, presently; "please go away."
"No need of my going away now,
Alice," answered Tom, composedly,"for
the past ten minutes there has been no
concealment of your emotions. Tour
whole past (gastrologically speaking)
has been open to my view. And as we
are soon to be married there is no rea
son why I should not dry your eyes and
wash your face, and straighten your
cap, and make you presentable." And
Tom deftly and tenderly suited his ac
tions to his words. "A man likes to see
his fiancee look pretty. There, now you
are your-own sweet self again."
"Tom," said Alice, humbly, "please
don't tell the girls that I was sick."
"Not a word," answered Tom, prompt
ly; "we'll just announce bur engage
ment and we'll never ell any one how
it happened."
HALF A LIFETIME IN PRISON.
Why Michael Werner Knows that
Honesty It the Beat Policy.
There Is no man in the United States
who could better testify to the truth-of
the adage, "Honesty is the best pol
icy," than Michael Werner, who never
lived up to it.
His hair gray, his eyes sunken In,
with pale, sallow cheeks, the marks of
thirty-two years and one month behind
prison bars, he sat In court in Pater
son a few days ago, again a prisoner.
Werner is 67 years old and has been
a burglar for thirty-four years, all but
two of which has been spent in prison.
He was born In Chicago and received
a good public school education. His
parents were respectable and well-to-do.
He learned the trade of a black
smith and made a good living. In 1867,
being out of work, he fell in with bad
company and was induced to come to
New York. Here he took part in a
burglary In October, 1867, and was sen
tenced to five years in Sing Sing. Hav
ing served that time, he went back to
Chicago, and In October, 1878, was
caught In the act of burglary. This
time he got fifteen years in Joliet pris
on. After completing his term he re
turned to New York. In 1888 he was
again arrested in Brooklyn for the
same offense. This time he got four
years and seven months in the Kings
County penitentiary.
Being released, he kept straight un
til 1894, when he was caught at burg
lary, and under the name of George
Collins he was sent to Sing Sing again
for two years and six months. Again
In October, 1897, he bungled a job in
New York, and was arrested. This time
it was five years In Sing Sing and his
term expired on July 5 last
Then he went to Hoboken and was
arrested as a suspicious person. Burg
lars' tools were found on him, but he
managed to slip the law.
Then he started for Paterson, but got
off at Passaic by mistake. He entered
Lawyer William Scott's residence and
VETERAN WRITER
pj EOKGB ALFRED HENTY of
London, is tne most popular au-
" thor of boys books on either side
of the Atlantic. Every year of his life
he writes at least three long historical
novels for boys, and no Christmas
would seem quite complete without its
gifts of "Henty books." He has writ
ten about eighty of these juvenile nov
els In all, besides enough other books
to make a total of nearly a hundred
volumes. Mr. Henty now Is 69 years
of age, but his marvelous powers of lit
erary production continue unabated. In
his youth he left Cambridge Univer
sity to enter the Crimean war, and he
has been a correspondent from the bat
tlefield during most of the Important
European wars since then. This expe
rience has fitted him for writing tales
of military adventures, and , there
seems to be no end to his resources.
got away with $100 worth of jewelry.
He was caught and sent to tbe coun
ty jail to await trial. He bad a' full
set of tools for picking locks. On his
trial he pleaded guilty.
The old man sat In the prisoners' row
in tears, and an aged woman, his only
friend, tottered to the bar, and spoke
a few words for the prisoner. She
meant well, but she knew nothing
about the prisoner that would help
him. New York JournaL
Packing of Gold. Leaf.
"Here is something I wish to inquire
about," said a gentleman to a dealer In
artists' materials as be held out a tiny
booklet for the latter's Inspection. "I
bought this book of English gold leaf
of you a few days ago, and on turning
the slats of , paper betwe'en the leaves
I discovered that they contained por
tions of the Scripture, and seemed to
have ben cut from various parts of the
Bible."
"So they were," answered the dealer.
"but there is nothing extraordinary i
about that fact when you understand
it All English gold leaf, as a regular j
mafia rr hncinooa la no -L-rH I. 1 1 rrl a ;
matter of business,
books made up of pages of Bible cut to
the requisite size and stitched to
gether. "No desecration is intended, but the
practice of packing the material In this
way is a well-established custom. The
Bible is selected for the purpose be
cause as a general thing the type Is
more evenly set and the printing finer
and better executed than in other
books.
"Printed paper has always been In
general use for packing, the sheets of
gold leaf. The slight indentations
made by the type serve to keep. them
more firmly in place. They slip when
packed between plain sheets. The Book
of Common Prayer is also employecVfor
the same purpose and the same reason.
"Gold leaf books are made up from
the sheets In which they leave the
press, and before they are folded."
Washington Star.
People Who Wear tbe Kilt.
Tbe wearing of the kilt Is a cus
tom religiously observed In the smart
est society in Scotland. Many peers
and some wealthy commoners who are
chiefs of clans take special pride In
the national costume. Tbe Duke 'of
Sutherland and bis sons, the Duke of
Argyll, and his brother. Lord Archi
bald Campbell, Lord Klnnoull, and en
titled chieftains, such as Cameron of
Lochiel or The Mackintosh all these
and many more wear the Highland
dress when in Scotland. A gentleman
of high degree dons a kilt of a plainer
tartan for morning wear and for
shooting, and Jn the evening, when he
dresses for dinner, he puts on his full
dress tartan, with sporran and richly
jeweled dirk. London M. A. P.
Modern Advice to Students.
An expert tutor declares that the
practice of taking strong coffee or of
tying the head up with a wet towel In
order to keep awake and study Is an
utter fallacy; that it injures the health
and prevents the brain from perform
ing the finer operations involved In
learning and memorizing facts. . He
recommends, when a student grows
tired, a little light vigorous exercise,
such as striking a bag or waving the
arms around the head, as in club
swinging, drinking a cupful of hot wat
er. OF BOYS' STORIES.
BKOBQE A. HENTY.
COLLAR OP HIS OWN.
PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT'S MUST
BE MADE TO ORDER.
Not to Be Obtained in tbe Shops ALU
tic Disquisition on the Styles of Neck
wear Affected by Our President t
, Becent Year.
"President Roosevelt is liable to rev
olutionize the collar business if he
doesn't change his style," said a Broad
. way haberdasher the other day. '"Since
he became President we have had a
number of calls for the Roosevelt col
' lar. Of course, there is no such collar
in the market either as to name or
style. It is my opinion that the Presi
dent has his collars made to order. Un
I questionably there is more comfort in
: the kind he wears than in most others,
but they are not becoming to every
' body any more than the high turn
; overs would be becoming to President
: Roosevelt. The Roosevelt collar, if
you care to get at its genesis, came in
! Presidential favor when Grant was
j elected the first time. But Grant wore
j a bowknot tie, which gave the collar
! a different appearance from that worn
by President Roosevelt.
"Lincoln was the first of our Presi
dents to discard the old-fashioned
stock, which, if worn now, would make
a man look as if he had a sore throat
Lincoln's collars when he became Pres
ident were part and parcel of his
shirt 'sewed on, as a woman would
say. I am told that Lincoln was not
noticeably tidy In his collars. They
had a wilted look always. His favor
ite neckwear was black silk tied in a
careless way quite becoming to him.
When Andrew Johnson succeeded to
the Presidency the old stock returned
to the White House. He wore the
wide stand-up collar, which was encir
cled by a black satin stock with a
short, stiff bow.
'"Mr. Hayes' collar was a broad, turn
down with long points, But it was not
high. It didn't make much difference
what sort of tie he wore, as his shirt
front was covered by his beard. Gar
field's collar was rather tasteful, a
turn-down with square points. His tie
was black satin with a square bow.
"Mr. Arthur was the most . correct
dresser of recent Presidents. He wore
a high collar with points slightly turn
ed out The fit was always perfect.
He was the first President to wear a
fancy scarf, which was always set off
by a handsome but never loud scarf
pin. He bad, so I am told, the biggest
' stock of neckwear of any of the Presi
dents. He was rather partial to black
with white dots.
"Mr. Cleveland's collars and style of
neckwear looked as if they had been
made from the same patterns as those
worn by Andrew Johnson. However,
Mr. Cleveland never confined himself
to one kind of collar. I saw him at his
second inaugural ball, when he wore a
' plain, wide, turndown, under which
wfl9 whitp .. f.
..PpM,,w WnrT.u wro ,,.
down broad and si , and
sions, when his neckwear was conven
tional. .
"President McKlnley usually wore a
standup collar with slight flare points.
He liked to be at ease, and that's the
sort of collar for a man to wear if he
wants to feel comfortable in a stand
up. Mr. McKinley's neckwear was in
keeping with his character, simple and
unaffected.
"There have been a good many
changes In Presidential neckwear since
1825, when John Q. Adams wore the
high collar which was completely en
veloped by the great bundle of material
that was the fashion of the statesmen
of the early period. I think he was the
last President to appear In that style.
But for plain, common-sense, uncon
ventional style, the Roosevelt collar Is,
like Its wearer, a style of its own."
New York Sun.
ABOUT WOMEN'S CLUBS;
The Work They Are Doing and What
They Mean to Do.
If any one should doubt the desire of
the small remote town to make itself
Intellectually worthy, let him read the
program prepared for the winter work
of a club which occupied xa prominent
social position on the prairies of the
Middle West Here are some of the
topics for papers, all to be prepared
without the advantages of a library,
either public or private, and with no
educational advantages beyond a local
newspaper: "Was the Victory of Wel
lington at Waterloo a Triumph of Medi
evalism or of Democracy?" "Is the
French Republic or Ours the Best Il
lustration of the ' Political Ideas of
Rousseau?" "The Race Problem of
Southeastern Europe," "The Pessimism
of the Russian Novel," "Will the Com
mon Hatred of the Japanese and Chi
nese for the European Form a Bond
Strong Enough to Hold China for the
Yellow Man?" "Will Christian Ethi
cal Ideas Be More Easily Grafted on
the Cold Selfishness of Confucianism
or on the Self-Respecting Ideals of
Buddhism?"
Does not this illustrate the idea that
when an American woman determines
to do a thing she does It without stop
ping to inquire If it is among the possi
bilities? How well, she does it Is an
other matter. My recollection suggests,
says Helen Churchill Candee in the
Century, that in this case she laughing
ly evaded most of tbe questions, and
made up by general cordiality and light
refreshments by no means a poor sub
stitute In a border town barren of so
cial life. - ' '
Of two hundred clubs in New York
State half are literary. This spark from
the log of statistics shows the popu
larity of the self-culture club. There
undoubtedly Is something In it which
appeals to the vanity which shapes out
ends. It is gratifying to be considered
erudite, to know a little more than
your neighbors know. It is like a more
sumptuous edition of the , teacher's
mandate in baby days: "You may step
up to the head of tbe class."
, And yet notwithstanding Its popur
larlty, an unquiet longing possesses, to
some extent, the club which hangs out
Its banner for self-culture bearing the
name of literature, art, music, or cur
rent topics. And this longing illustrates
the trend of the day in women's clubs;
It is a longing toward practicality. Al-
truism being the watchword of the day.
ana protuerly love an Increasing pas
sion, women are not long content to
serve only themselves. And so the
clubs fdr self-culture are feeling rest
less stirrings of wishing to do some
thing for the community. Fortunately,
there are appropriate objects for them
all, and perhaps they will advance to
ward these. - 1
HEIRESS, SHE DIED A PAUPER.
Woman In a Poorhouse Eight Years,
with a Fortune Awaitina- Her.
To die a pauper In the poorhouse was
Mrs. Mary Mluich's lot. Yet for eight
years, all the. time she was an aim-
house charge, she was heir to $40,000, j
while a firm of New York bankers were j
scouring the United States for her.
Only to-day did their representative
learn about her, and then she had been
In her grave at the poorhouse a twelve
month. The $40,000 was left by Rudolph
Bach, a wealthy bookbinder of Brook
lyn. He died Nov. 27, 1893, without
having made a wilL Ladenburg, Thai
man & Co., of 40 Wall street were
made administrators, with orders to
turn the money over to Bach's next of
kin, bis niece, Miss Mary Bach that
was.
All the bankers knew was that years
ago Mary Bach had been a belle in
Wilkes-Barre. She was the daughter
of Rudolph Bach's only brother. Her
marriage was a fashionable one. Sbe
plighted her troth to tr. William Min
ich, Wilkes-Barre's foremost physician.
He died thirty years ago, and instead
of a fortune, as all thought he had, he
left his widow only a legacy of debt.
Reared in luxury, Mrs. Minich found
herself without a penny, and there was
nothing for the one-time belle to do but
earn her own living. . She found em
ployment with Jacob Matthias, who
kept a roadhouse up in the mountains
Seven-Mile Jake s ' it was called.
For years Mrs. Minich lived on the
mountain-top. One day Matthias was
found murdered in his bed. The mys
tery was never solved. The woman
who had kept house so long for him de
clared she was his widow, and put in
a claim for a third of his estate. The
legal battle that followed was long and
wordy and she lost.
Sinking lower "and lower in poverty's
scale, the woman in 1893 she was then
79 was sent to the poorhouse just at
the time that Rudolph Bach died in
testate. The bankers sought strenu
ously for Mrs. Minich, but she was
then known as Mrs. Matthias, and her
identity was swallowed up.
So it was that year after year the old
woman lived on at the poorhouse, just
outside of Wilkes-Barce, not knowing
that $40,000 was only waiting to be
claimed to be hers.
To-day Poor Director Tisch, says a
Wilkes-Barre special to the New York
World, led the bankers' representative
to the lonely grave on the hillside.
'She has been lying there since last
autumn," said she. "She died at the
age of 86, never knowing of this good
fortune."
He furnished legal proof of the death,
and now the $40,080, unclaimed for
eight years, will go to some cousins of
the name of Bach, who live here.
ABOUT INDIGESTION.
What Causes It and How It May Ee
Avoided.
America has the reputation, less de
served now, perhaps, than it was half
a century ago, of being the land of the
dyspeptic. When we consider the
causes that were formerly at work to
prevent healthy digestion, we cannot
wonder that so many suffered from this
malady.
The men were too busy to devote the
necessary time to their meals, and bolt
ed their food without the thorough mas
tication that insures the proper begin
ning of the digestive process. The wom
en had more time to eat if they would
have taken it but they went out little,
taking almost no exercise, and the
quantity of food eaten was almost al
ways in excess of the needs of the body
a most favorable conjunction for the
production of dyspepsia.
Finally, the food itself was of such a
kind and prepared in such a way as to
tax the digestive organs to the utmost
The frying pan reigned supreme, ..nd
greasy, smoked and corned meats, with
hot salaratus biscuits or heavv pan
cakes, led the assault at breakfast time
upon the sorely overworked stomach,
hardly recovered after a night's rest
from its herculean struggle with the
hot bread, pie and doughnuts of the pre
ceding supper.
So much has been said and written
on this subject that these causes are
less active to-day, but they are still suf
ficiently so to bring misery to large
numbers.
The familiar symptoms of dyspepsia
are a coated tongue, a disagreeable
breath and a bad taste in the mouth.
The appetite may be poor, or it may be
ravenous, there may be nausea and
vomiting, a feeling of weight In the
stomach and often of oppression in the
chest. There will probably be much
flatulence and heartburn, and more or
less acute pain. Youth's Companion.
An Unfortunate Selection.
An Instructor in a Wisconsin normal
school had come to -a serious point In a
lecture on psychology, and was discuss
ing with bis class whether the idea
which first enters the mind, when cer
tain words are written or spoken is gen
eral or specific. How he succeeded is
told by the Milwaukee Sentinel:
"Does. the mind think of one certain
object designated by the word, or the
whole general class which Is embodied
in that word?" he asked.
To bring this mental problem more
clearly to the attention of the students,
the instructor said he would write a
word on- the blackboard, after which
one of them must tell Instantly what
impression was ' made upon her mind.
He called upon one of the young women
to be ready, then turned to the board
and wrote the word "pig."
All the class saw It except the girl
whom be had asked to answer the ques
tion. She was standing in such a posi
tion that the word was hidden from her
by the professor's shoulders.
"Well, what do you- see?" he asked,
sharply. ,
"Why, I see you, but," she replied. In
nocently. A. doctor never "gives up"
until he le pretty sure.
a patient
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over Sayings that Are Cheer
ful to Old or Young I"nnny Selec
tions that Yon Will Knjoy.
Penelope I think It Is silly throwing
nn apple peel over one's shoulder on
Hallowe'en and believing that it will
fall in the initial of the person one is
going to marry.
Constance-Oh, I don't know. There
may be something In it. My apple peel
didn't make an initial, but It made a
dollar mark as plain as could be.
Brooklyn Lagle.
Didn't Know tbe Fervlce.
Preacher (performing marriage cere
mony) Do you take this woman to be
your wedded wife?
Bowery Pete Aw, say wot's eatin'
yer? Did yer t'ink we comes here for
a divorce?
Petectinir a Fraud.
Mrs. Bridey Do you call that a round
steak that you sent up this morning?
Bu tcher Yes'm.
Mrs. Bridey Well, I have tried it
with a pair of compasses, and I wish
to tell you, sir, that it is very far from
being correct in shape. I shall favor
some other stand with my trade here-
arter. Baltimore "American.
THREE VIEWS OF LIFE.
There is gladness in
her gladness when she's
glad;
And there's sadness in ,
her sadness when she's
sad;
T)iaturbe:l Dream.
Reginald Darling, I could float out
here forever and ever and "
Voice from Shore Say, young fellow.
don't forget that boat is a dollar per
hour and you owe for two hours now.
Reginald (to his companion) Here,
for the love of goodness, take this oar
and help me pull ashore. Chicago
News.
Almost Incredible.
Blobbs Wigwag must be making an
awful lot of money.
Slobbs I should say he is. I actually
believe he is making more than his wife
can spend. Philadelphia Record.
A Recommendation.
You'll like dis dorg, mister. Why,
only yesterday he bit me mother-in-law
and it took us four hours to git him off.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Verv Thin.
"We'll have a little supper after the
horse show," said Mr. Hunker to Miss
Ricketts.
"Good,' 'replied the young lady. "I
speak for saddle-rock oysters with
horse-ra dish. Philadelphia North
American.
"Work" Queered It.
"Yes," said Tatterdon Ragges, "I ad
mits dat it is a sure enough good graft
but Tinley, it can never be of no use
to us."
"Why?"
" 'Cause, if you make a graft a win
nin propersitlon youse has got to work
it!" San Francisco Bulletin.
Some Madness There.
"Why did you kill the dog?'
asked.
they
"He bit me," the man replied.
"But he wasn't mad," they urged.
"Perhaps not, but I was." Philadel
phia North American.
Cheated A train.
Optimist Well, old man, did you en
joy Europe?
Pessimist No; I wasn't disappointed
in half as many things as I expected to
be disappointed In." Detroit Free
Press.
Ill-TImed Pleasantries.
"Cheerfulness is riches."
"Oh, no; if you can't pay a bill, be
ing cheerful about it makes the other
man madder." Detroit Free Press.
Good in Theory,
"Did you hear of Carper's latest ex
periment on his amateur farm?"
"No; what was it?" .
'"He had. a sour apple tree and he
tried to sweeten the fruit by grafting it
with a twig from a sugar maple."
Philadelphia North American.
t 1
A Frank Analysis.
"Who is your favorite composer?" In
quired the visitor.
"I s'pose you mean classical," re
sponded Mr. Cumrox.
"Certainly."
"Wagner" was the answer. "Gimme
Wagner. Some of those other music
writers start in with a tune, but as soon
as you get your foot going steady In
time to It they break it off In a way
that pretty near sprains your ankle.
But Wagner never fools you. He plays
fair. You know from the beginning that
you ain't going to find anything, and
you might as well go to sleep or read
the advertisements in the program."
Washington Star.
A Fop to Cerberus.
Mrs. McCail How bright your little
boy is, and what is his name?
Mrs. Swellman Patrick McGlathery
Swellman.
Mrs. McCall-O! ah
Mrs. Swellman It does sound odd.
doesn't it? You see, we were living- In
a flat when be was' born, and we
weren't prepared to move out. Mr. Mc
Glathery, you know, was the janitor.
Philadelphia Press.
Friendly Interest.
Grace Why do you persist In repeat
ing that awful scandal about Lucy?
May I'm trying to find out if there
is any truth in it The Smart Set
Forarot His Cares.
"Ain't Sam Thompson jes' swell?"
"Ain't he? To look at him on Sunday
yo'd nebbah t'ink he had to go to wuck
on Monday!" Puck.
What It Means.
Willie Pa, what is a burglar-proof
safe?
Pa That merely means that when
you find the safe blown open and rob
bed It's proof that burglars have been
at it Philadelphia Record.
What He r-melled.
"I smell something burning," said the
husband after he bad .lighted his pipe
and settled back In the easy chair for
a comfortable smoke."
"Isn't It delicious?" exclaimed his
wife joyously; "I emptied a whole lot
of rose leaves in your tobacco jar!"
Ohio State Journal.
But the gladness of
her gladness, nor the
sadness of her sadness'
is nothing to her mad
ness when she's mad.
Ally Sloper.
Value Receive.
"Remember," said the friend, "it is
dangerous to try to deceive the people.
You cannot get something for noth
ing." "I know that perfectly well," answer
ed Senator Sorghum rather indignant
ly. "Nobody can accuse me of trying
to get votes by making speeches In
stead of producing cash." Washington
Star.
Convincing-.
"The proofreader says he's sure his
girl loves him."
"What makes him so sure?"
"Why, h has read the proof In her
eyes." Philadelphia Bulletin.
Surprising News.
Minnick Well, there was one thing
I remarked about your wife the first
time I saw her; she was undoubtedly
outspoken.
Henpeck You don't say! By whom?
Won't Be I palar.
"They say that golf is a cure for con
sumption," said Cawker.
"Remedy's worse than the disease,"
chirped Cumso. Philadelphia North
American.
Goe the Limit.
Wigg Bjones is fond of studying out
the puzzles In the newspapers, isn't he?
Wagg Yes, It's a perfect craze with
him. He even reads magazine poetry.
Philadelphia Record.
Almost t-tarclins?.
"It seems strange that such an o!d
man should be In love with me."
"Yes, doesn't it? Usually they are
after some young girl." Detroit Free
Press.
Natural Mistake.
Desk Editor Well, that's rough.
Desk Editor's Wife What's the mat
ter? -
Desk Editor Oh, I wrote "A Scene
of Rare Beauty" for a headline over
the story of a ball, and the proof reader
has let It go "A Scene of Bare Beauty."
Sommerville Journal.
Too Well Known. -
Dobson Lend you $10? Why, man, I
don't know you!
Borrower That's the reason I asked
you. No one that knows me will lend
me a cent. Detroit Free Press.
Yazoo Delta tbe Negroes' Mecca.
In speaking of Mississippi as showing
a larger increase of negroes than
whites, it would be better to say that
this Is true only of a part of the State.
The Yazoo delta has become the great-'
er Mecca of the negroes, and there they
have flocked not only from the hill
counties, but from the neighboring
States Alabama, Georgia and the Car
olinas. They have been pouring In for
the last dozen or twenty years, ever
since the protection of the delta from
overflow has been assured. There have
been several exoduses from the hills to
the bottoms of such great proportions
as to alarm the farmers in the hill
country, lest they might be left with
out sufficient labor for their crops. If
this movement of population keeps on,
it will ' have a tendency In time to
whiton tho rest of MIsalasinni bv con
centrating the bulk of the negroes In the
Yazoo delta. New Orleans Times-Democrat
' ' ' ,
This U the season of the year when
you can buy a lot of things yon don't
need at much less than coat,