1
A
1
' J. .
."
AN HUMBLE EFFORT.
De oT leaf hang upon de tree '
When summer days was pas', . . .
"I guess," says he, "it's up to me,
I's all dat's lef at las';
. De blue and red of de posy bed
' Is fadin' fas' away.
I nebber 'mounted to much," he said,
"But I's all dat's lef to-day."
An' de gold and scarlet handsomeness
Dat he done hang out dat day,
I)ey kind of lessened our distress
Foh the flowers dat went away.
An' we didn't chide him, wif joys so few
An' say dat he w'an't no good;
But we kinder thanked him, jes' a few,
Foh doin' de bes' he could.
Washington Star.
TONIETTA'S QUESL,
1
SHALL go to America! All Amer
icans are rich! Why need we
starve here, when plenty is wait
ing?" the angry words rang ever In lit
tle Tonletta's ear, and she could shut
her eyes and see again the father stern
and forbidding; the mother, pleading
and tearful, and the handsome, dark
eyed brother, who had gone from their
door In far-away Italy, that summer's
day, and from whom they had heard no
tidings.
That was long years ago, before they,
too, had come to America, "this land of
golden promise, in search of him.
Tonletta had been but a babe then; now
she was quite a little woman. And
Mariano, the lost one, would be 20 years
tld, a man, Indeed. At first they had
looked eagerly into every boyish face
they met, sure that they would soon
find him. But the days grew into
weeks, the weeks into months, and now
the months had counted off one whole
year, and still no trace of him. They
had questioned their countrymen wher
ever they went, but it was always the
same doubtful shaking of the head, and
some had even laughed. It was like
searching for a grain of sand upon the
ocean's shore. Even were he in this
great, crowded, bustling New York, it
was a hopeless task. And then the lit
tle sad-faced mother began to lose even
the slender thread of hope to which she
had clung so long, and sometimes she
would say, "My Mariano is dead, - I
"wht do" you sura that sons? who
ABB YOU?
know he is dead!" then fall to weeping
bitterly. ,
The little fruit store which the father
had placed on' the corner of a. busy
street was doingtairly well, and they
might have been so happy had it not
been for this dark day cloud that hung
over them, and each grew darker; for
soon the sad-faced mother lost all pride
in the pretty cottage she had loved so
well. She no longer sat before the door,
with busy needle flashing in and out
some snowy linen, but with hands fold
ed idly before her she watched all day
down the busy street, or wandered aim
lessly about the little garden-plot, hum
ming over and over again a plaintive
Italian lullaby:
O, che carl l'adora, che 'il mio'tesora,
Vi mio d'amor, parla ancora ! .
"Dear mamma, why do you sing the
same little song?" Tonletta would ask.
' "Because it is the one my Mariano
. jloved best of all," the mother would
'reply. "If he is out there" in the great
. world, I am sure its sweetness will
some day reach his heart and bring him
back to me." '.'. . .
It was but the foolish fancy of the
yearning mother-love, perhaps, yet .who
can say that a kind heaven did not
send It? And then there came an even
ing when little Tonletta, from her seat
on the tiny doorstep, heard one. from a
group of kindly neighbors who had
paused before the gate, say pityingly
"Poor woman! She is breaking her
heart for the son that was lost. She
will surely lose her mind unless he is
restored to her, and It is more than
likely that he has gone back to Italy,
"To Italy! To Italy!" the little girl
started to her feet. ' Ah, why had she
not thought of that before. "To Italy!"
Yes! yes! It must be so, for he had
said he would come again, when he was
rich like the rest of the Americans; and
she must go to-morrow and. tell him
that the little mother wanted him so
so badly,., and he must come home with
her, and then they would all be happy
once more.
Her childish mind had forgotten all
the long ocean voyage, and she could
hardly wait next morning until the tiny
lunch basket, which she always carried
to kindergarten, was packed, and she
could start She had made up her mind
not to tell her secret. It was to be her
own, until the happy moment when she
would return, leading her brother by
the hand. She took from its place on
the clock-shel the little Iron bank
where she had hoarded all her savings,
shook out a handful of pennies, then
kissed her mother fondly and started
on .her . Journey. .At the corner she
climbed into a waiting car, and when
the kind-faced conductor paused before
her, she held out the little brown hand
"To Italy, please," she said.
"To Italy?" he asked, in wonder.
Then, "Oh,- you. mean Little Italy; but
that's Just . 5 cents. You mustn't give
me all your money."
. And then she sat, with her great eyes
very wide at the strange' sights and
sounds as they whirled swiftly away
across the great city. She had never
- been so far from borne before, so it was
all new. At last the conductor came
. again! '- f' .J- .
"Here you are, little, one," he said, as
- the car came to a stop.-- "Better run
right home to your mother." for he
thought, of couysf that she lived hare
mm
ENQLAND'S GAIN AND
Great Britain's census Is expected to
show a total population in England,
Ireland, Scotland and Wales bf 42,000.
000. This expectation is based upon
the average decennial" rate of Increase
shown during the last linlf of the cen
tury. The figures" contrasting the pop
ulation of these divisions of the empire
a century ago and as estimated to-day
Is interesting:
1801. 1901.
England (Including
Wales) ),J3i,o49 33,0OU,OUU
Ireland (first counted in
1821) 6.S01.82T 4,250,000
Scotland 1.(03,420 4,350.000
Most remarkable showing of all If
one excepts the decline of Irish popula
tionIs the gain of London, first city
in the world in size and financial pow
er. At the beginning of the nineteenth
century the imperial city had a popu
lation of 804,845. This has grown to
more than G.200,000 at the beginning of
the twentieth century.
The rate of increase In most of the
divisions of the empire have steadily
declined since 1850, and the rate of
loss in Ireland .has also fallen corre
spondingly, a hopeful sign fofthe Em
erald Isle. The losses are due almost
entirely to emigration. In the ease of
the English emigrants the colonies have
been the gainers mainly. Most of the
Irish who left their island have come
to America to make homes, though a
considerable number of the millions
who have put the dust of Erin behind
In the Italian quarter, or Little Italy,
as it Is called.
For Just one moment the little girl
hesitated and looked about her, half
frightened at the noisy, crowded street,
but In the thought of the sorrowing
mother at home all fear was forgotten
and bravely she started on her tramp.
Ah, the terrors of that weary day and
of the weary days that were to follow.
Patiently she wandered through the
busy streets singing over and . over
again the little lullaby that was to bring
him back to them: . : . ' -
O, che cari L'adora, che il mio tesora,
Vi mio d'amor, parla ancora!
Each evening she returned, so tired
she could scarcely drag her weary feet,
but with the morning hope and courage
came again and the thought, "Surely
to-day I must find him."
Passers-by wondered at the strange
child who sang over and over again the
same little song. The kind-faced con
ductor greeted her each day with a
questioning smile, but Tonietta did not
heed, for she thought only of her
strange quest, and of the poor little
mother who was growing paler and
paler, until she was but a frail shadow
of her former self. Very often a mist
would come before the child's dark eyes
and sobs would drown . the faltering
tones, but she could not give up. She
must find her brother. It meant so
much to them alL And it was through
her tears, at last, that she saw him, al
though, she did not know. It was the
faltering tones that made him start
from his seat on the door-step, where he
sat, heartsick and alone, gazing before
him into a future that was dark indeed. ''
"Why do you sing that song? Who
are you? What Is your name?" -
He caught her arm almost fiercely.
Tonietta drew back in alarm. She had
been looking for a handsome, well
dressed, happy Mariano, yet here; a
ragged, sad-faced, boy bent over her, a
boy with a "something" in his dark
eyes that made her answer, in spite of
her fright; "My name Is Tonletta. It is
the little mother's song.".
My little mother! My little sister!"
he cried. ". "Ah, Tonietta, don't you
know me? Am I so changed?" .
"Mariano! My brother!" She flung
her arms about his neck and almost
sobbed for Joy. "Come you must come
home with me, for the little mother Is
waiting for us:" Detroit Free Press. -
UNINVENTED INVENTIONS.
Great Problems for Which Solution la
Eagerly Sought.
Every home and workshop - teems
with profitable suggestions to the man
with open eyes and mind, says a writer
in Everybody's Magazine. .-,- .
The fortunes of Mr. Carnegie, the
Rockefellers, the Armours and all their
associates were founded on just such
observations. The cost of refining kero
sene oil is paid to -day from the des
pised sludge acid which used to foul
our rivers and harbors. The old waste
of the slaughter houses brings in
much to-day as the flesh of the animals
killed. - .. .'
Nature has waste products : still
waiting for use. Prairie wire grass Is
one of these. It is now made Into hand
some furniture and furnishings. Corn
stalk pith is made into fillings for war
ships' hulls, to close watertight the
holes made by an enemy.
Find a substitute for the elastic Para
rubber and your fortune is made. Cellu
loid and oxdlzed linseed oil are fair sub
stitutes for some purposes, but nothing
has yet been found that possesses the
true elastic properties of rubber from
Para. There is - still : "nothing - like
leather" for shoes, but - the Inventor
may find a substitute to his profit
.The automobllist Is waiting anxiously
for a satisfactory, power to drive his
carriage. The same power would solve
the vexed question of cross-town cars
in New York. The Metropolitan Street
Railway Company Is, spending ; thou
sands in experimenting with compress
ed air and storage battery s cells, -but
these are only makeshifts'. ' Steam rail
roads need a similar power to. operate
independent -cars tor suburban service
;.Xiquid air .and acetylene gas 'both
offer new fields for the' Inventor, Al
though liquid air tan be' made for, per
haps 5 cents a gallon, as yet not a single
commercial use has been found for It.
IRELAND'S LOSS.
them have sought places of abode In all
the far portions of the world drawn
under the protection of the British
flag.."
The population of London, roughly
speaking, doubles itself every four de
cades. In 1801, out of every ten peo
ple in England and Wales one person
lived In London. To-day one out of
every seven persons In England and
Wales Uvea In London. This growth. It
Is scarcely needful to point out, has
not taken place in . central London,
where the population has been dimin
ishing by about one-twelfth In each of
the last three decades. The Increase
Is In the suburbs, where the small house
never ceases to encroach and multiply.
In the central area, which Includes the
districts of St. George's. " Hanover
Square, Westminster, Marylebone, St.
Giles', the, Strand, Holborn, the City,
Shoredltch, Whltechapel and St.
George's-ln-the-East, ' the number of
llbuses which cease to be inhabited, or
are transferred to the category of
"houses . not occupied at night,"
amounts to more than 1,000 each year."
The fourteen largest provincial towns
In England Liverpool, Manchester,
Birmingham. Leeds, Sheffield, Bristol,
Nottingham, Bradford, Hull, Newcas
tle, Salford. Leicester, .Oldham and
Portsmouth do not amount in Joint
population to the figures of London,
even If the growing Outer Ring of
suburbs be excluded.
Mr. Plctet, of Geneva, a pioneer In the
liquefying of gases,. has proposed to use
the process for separating the nitrogen
and oxygen of the air, and marketing
each of these for special purposes. A
factory in New York has the same ob
jects in view. Carbonic acid gas, frozen
out of the atmosphere, would also be a
product of the process.
ROBERT BUCHANAN.
Eccentric Poet and Playwright, with
Impressive Personality. .
In the death of Robert Buchanan In
London, the career of an eccentric poet.
novelist and playwright came to a close
and a man of im
pressive personal
ity 'was removed
from the world of
letters. '
M r y- Buchanan
was of pure Scotch
descent and was
born at Caverswall
August. 18, 1841.
He was educated
at Glasgow Univer
sity, : graduating
KOBr. Buchanan, when 19 years' of
age. Immediately he determined upon
a literary career and went to London.
Three years later he produced his first
volume, which was well' received. Soon
he became one of the most voluminous
of authors, poems, novels, plays and
criticisms coming from his pen In start
ling profusion. His writings ranged
from the very good to the very bad, but
his successes were more frequent than
the failures. - His dramatic ventures
were almost without exception most
pleasing to the public, his- success be
ing attained by clever anticipation of
the popular taste. His career marked
him as a man of rugged force and hon
esty who, from excellent and even lofty
motives, was continually blundering
Into indiscretions which drew ridicule
upon him. '
In America he became known princi
pally by reason of his championing
Walt Whitman and calling America to
account for its failure to recognize and
crown the "good gray poet" as Its rep
resentative genius. The letter, which
was widely discussed, was resented not
only "by the American public but by
Whitman himself. .
WILL BE USED AS A HOSPITAL.
San Francisco Mansion of the - Late
Collis P. Huntingdon. -
The San Francisco mansion of the
late Collis P. Huntington, which is soon
to be converted Jnto a charity hospital
by gift of Mrs. Huntington, stands on
Nob Hill, the aristocratic residence
place of the town, In a cluster of houses
the owners of which are known to fame
as California's wealthiest men. The
Huntington house Is a three-story rest-
THE HCNTWSTOX MANSION.
dence," occupying .an entire block. . It is
built of marble, and Its simple, stately
appearance gives it a charm which at
taches to very few of the palaces of
California's millionaires..: Its color is
pure white and its general' architec
tural plan is modeled after the " Pitti
Palace in Italy: Its, neighbors are the
house of the late Charles Crocker, of
Mrs. Hopkins-Searles-, the Flood man
sion and the old -home of . Governor
Stanford. -" . ' - -
; laughs of European. Nations.
-An American traveler In Europe re
marks the Italian laugh Is languid but
musical,. th German as deliberate, the
trench as -spasmodic and- uncertain
the upper, class English as guarded and
not always genuine, the lower class
English, as explosive, tbe -Scotch of ali
classes as hearty and the Irish as rol
licking. ' .
. --.vCoBt of Printing: Bank Notes.
: it costs almost exactly a cent apiece
to print Bank of England notes.
WISDOM OF THE ANT.
WONDERFUL INSTINCTS OF THIS
INSECT.
Provides for Itself la All Emergencies
and in Doing; 80 Develops a Special
ism Much Here Complete than That
of Man. -
Han looks entirely to the outside
world about him for the means of ac
complishing his purposes; insects, on
the contrary, drawinz upon the re
sources of their own natural constitu
tions, often adapt themselves to the
conditions and. requirements of their
lives by structural modifications.
For instance, men make the tools
they require for carving or for digging.
Insects grow them; vessels being need
ed as receptacles for liquid food, man
learns the art of the potter, but the cu
rious honey ants transform themselves
Into living bottles, to which the work
ing members of the commune resort for
refreshment. "'-
The tools of insects, exquisitely fash
ioned and finished, are much more per
fectly adapted for the purpose they
serve than are any contrived and man
ufactured by human beings, but there
is a disadvantage connected with them
they cannot be laid aside. The tools
dominate the tool-bearers, and check
development in any direction not con
nected with their use.
This leads to the extreme specializa
tion we find among insects. The egg
producer, the queen of the termites.
although she possesses the usual num-
br of limbs belonging to her species. Is
totally Incapable of locomotion; as are
the living bottles of the honey ants,
The queen lays eggs, she can do noth
ing else; the living bottles store up and
yield food to other members of the for
micary, and are as incapable of per
forming other uses as if they were
mere lifeless cells in a honeycomb.
Among the ants this tendency to spe
cialization has resulted in establishing
species limited to particular industries
or to particular methods of , living.
Some species of slave-making ants, for
Instance, confine themselves so entire
ly to military affairs, and have so en
tirely lost the arts of peace and effi
ciency in domestic affairs, that they
are not only obliged to depend upon
their slaves to -care for the young in
the formicary, but to have the food
placed in their own warlike mouths,
and would starve in the midst of plen
ty were this not done. -,"
The mandibles of these ants are en
tirely unfitted for - work. They can
neither crush, cut, nor saw, but, being
sharply pointed and curved, they make
most serviceable weapons. -The
workers of the East Indian phei-
dologeton diversus have among them
gigantic soldier ants, a hundred times
as large as themselves,' and it would
naturally be supposed that these big
creatures with enormous heads would
prove formidable defenders of the for
micary, while the truth is that, so far
from this being the case, they cannot
bite at all, even when provoked to do
so. "V;"'' -' ' r -
And yet the smaller members of the
pbeldologeton commonwealths find
use for the great creatures.- Numbers
of them may often be seen riding about,
as human beings do upon elephants,
upon the heads and backs of their gi
gantic confreres. - .; '-; ,
But the Colobopsis ants', which bur
row in branches, seem to have discov
ered how to profitably employ the big
heads among them. They are placed
at the entrances of the formlcan dwell
ings, their great heads fitting in and
filling the doorways.
As a worker belonging to the house
hold approaches she Is recognized by
the animated ' and intelligent front
door," which draws back sufficiently to
admit the entrance to its. friend and
then resumes its double office of sentry
and barrier. Scientific American.
CALLED HIMSELF IMPOSTOR.
Mark Twain's Opinion Given in the
ftrictet Sense. - .
Sometimes on a sunny afternoon
'Mark Twain strolls up and down that
part of Fifth avenue and Twenty-third
street where art and book' stores are
frequent. The humorist seems to find
certain rest In peering into windows of
these, though he rarely crosses - their
thresholds. He was about to turn away
from the window of a shop when his
eye was caught by what seemed to be
an etching of himself. He was. staring
blankly at his likeness when he was
joined at the window by one of those
chatty individuals always ready for a
street-corner exchange of opinion. '
"Pretty good likeness of the old man,
Isn't it?" said the chatterer, without
seeing the writer's full face, which was
partly in shadow.
Mark said it was. .
'.'Say, what do you think of that fel
low's work, anyway?" went on the
chatterer. . v
"I think," said Mark, stlU without
turning his head, "that he is the great
est impostor the American people ever
refused to take seriously." -;
"How so?' ..:-v.
"Well, because he really-is serious
arid because nobody'U believe him; he
passes for being humorous." With that
Mr. Clemens faced his questioner.
- "Well, I'll be switched!" ejaculated
the chatterer. .
The face of : the humorist . became
deeply concerned, says the New York
Times. "For heaven's sake, don't tell
any one I told you.- It would ruin me
with my publishers," he said, starting
up the avenue. ':
- Bu the chatterer went home and told
his friends. -
MAY HAVE GLASS HOUSES.
Recent Inventions Make Possible Res
- - idences of Vitrified Material.
If the visions of a French savant -are
realized we shall all be living in glass
houses before very long.- The founda
tions and the walls would be construct
ed of, a variety of glass recently invent
ed called "stone glass,";, which has al
ready successfully withstood the sever
est tests.: The walls 4feuld be built of
glass, held together by angle Irons, so
as to permit of a hollow space through
which pipes could pass (the pipes them
selves being glass work) .conveying hot
air, hot and cold "water, gas, . electric
wires, drains and everything heeded for
the health and comfort of the inhabit-
ants. Stairs and balustrades, ceilings
and wall decorations, mantelpieces and
fireplaces, would all be constructed of
glass. ." -
' Our chairs and tables. In the new
glass age, will be made of vl trifled ma
terial, toughened to the strength of oak
and mahogany. ' Our cooking utensils,
our plates and cups and saucers will be
made of the same substance. Even
our knives and forks will have glass
handles if not glass blades. .The new
glass house will be absolutely clean
and practically indestructible.. The
whole of its surface can be washed
from the top story to the basement
without a trace of humidity .being left.
Dust cannot collect on its polished sur
face, and the spider will find no place
on which to hang its cobwebs.
They have already begun to pave the
streets of Paris with glass, and it is
found that the substance, while prac
tically indestructible, is admirably suit-.
ed to the feet of both men and beasts.
and, as it neither holds nor makes any
dirt, it Is absurdly easy to clean. Its
only fault is that It somewhat Increases
the noise of the traffic, but even this
might by and by be overcome. Perhaps
it might be possible, in connection with
one of the many projected exhibitions,
to construct on a modest but sufficient
scale a dwelling of the kind M. Henri-
vaUx describes. People would then be
able to experience the actual sensation
of walking along glass floors, of climb
ing a glass staircase, of being surround
ed by glass walls, of sitting on glass
chairs at glass tables, drinking tea out
of glass cups and stirring it with glass
tea-spoons. How far this could be ac
complished with due avoidance of mo
notony it is hard to say.
WATER-DRINKING.
Declare! to Be Beneficial to the Health
in Various Ways.
When it is considered that the body
Is made up very, largely of water it can
readily be understood how important
to health is a constant supply of this
fluid. Many people have a notion that
the drinking of water in any amount
beyond that actually necessary to
quench thirst Is injurious, and acting
on this belief they endeavor to drink as
little as possible. The notion, however.
is wide of the truth. Drinking freely ot
pure water is a most efficacious means
not only of preserving health, but often
of restoring it when falling.
All the tissues of the body need water,
and water In abundance Is necessary
also for the proper performance of ev
ery vital function.' Cleanliness of the
tissues within the body is as necessary
to health and comfort as cleanliness of
the skin, and water tends to insure the
one as truly as it does the other. It
dissolves the waste material, which
would otherwise collect in the body,
and removes it in the - various excre
tions. '
These waste materials are often ac
tual poisons, and many a headache,
many rheumatic pains and aches, many
sleepless nights and 'listless days, and
many attacks of the "blues" are due
solely to the circulation In the blood or
deposit in the tissues of these waste
materials, which cannot be got rid of
because of an insufficient supply of
water. S-w:.-'' '- -
Water is accused of making fat, and
people with a tendency to corpulence
avoid it for that reason. But It is not
strictly true. It does undoubtedly often
Increase the weight, but it does so be
cause it improves the digestion, and
therefore more of the food eaten is
utilized and turned into fat and flesh.
But excessive fat, which we call cor
pulence, Is not a sign of health, but of
faulty digestion and assimilation, and
systematic water drinking is often em
ployed as a means of reducing the
superfluous fat which it sometimes
does with astonishing rapidity .Youth's
Companion. - ;
Water Polo.
'Water football would seem to be a
more appropriate name for the game
known in England as water polo, since
neither -ponies nor sticks are used. Two
goals are placed a hundred feet apart,
and six men are the complement on
each side. . The players stand, or rather
swim, in the center, and the referee
at a signal throws the ball between
them. Then comes the tug of war,
scrambling, wrestling and fighting to
push the ball, which is of inflated rub
ber, seventeen inches In circumference.
to the goal. Thtere are no particular
rules of play, and the players must be
expert swimmers, as the game is play
ed in deep water, and it is nothing un
usual for eleven players to pile on one,
and the entire twelve then go to the
bottom. It is a common thing to see a
violent antagonist .suddenly disappear
from view, 'as If seized by a man-eating
shark or alligator, but in this case
by merely a pair of bands about the
swimmer's ankles. The ball must be
kept In the water and shoved, not
thrown, between the goals. This leads
to desperate measures In front of goals.
ana frequently tne entire inning or
nrteen minutes is piayea witnm a rew
feet of the desired point without any
result The Innings continue ; fifteen
minutes and the best goals out of three
constitute a victory. It looks like a
rough game to the onlookers, but It
really is much less dangerous than the
ordinary game of football, and is cer.
tainly more enjoyable.
Bullion, and. L
Bullion has a million dollars, --
Fifty" cents have 1 " ' '
Bullion, sitting in his carriage, j
Swiftly travels by;
Bullion has a marble palace
Whose white walls are high;
As for appetite, be has none,
But a horse's I. -
- Bullipn's going out to luncheon.
Ah, well, so am I;
He will taste a crust and drop it
: With a weary sigh;
I will hungrily devour
All that I can buy -.
He can't even eat a doughnut '
Or a piece of pie. . . : . . ' .
Things are often badly managed
Here below the sky;
' Bullion ought to have my stomach, .
Or, Btill better, I -.
: Ought to have his wad of money ;
J See the poor old guy
7 AH he wants is toast for luncheon.
Steak and onions I.
Chicago Record-Herald. .
- Any man who has time to think of
his troubles .has entirely 'too-.' much
spare time on his hands. ';-' r '.
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO-
INGS HERE AND THERE,
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born Saying
and Doings that Are Old, Curious and
LaagosUt-The Week's Humor.
Warwick Now, on what basis do the
powers ascertain the Indemnity China
Is to pay each of them?
Wlckwlrc'-Well, as. near as I can
make out they charge about $500 for
every Chinaman they killed. Puck.
There Are Others.
He Why, the professor has spent
years investigating sun spots:
She Goodness! And people
say
women are inquisitive! Puck.
No Harm Ion;.
She Papa has had some trouble with
the gas company, and they have threat
ened to turn off the gas.
He How unfortunate.
She Yes, but I told him It didn't
make any difference to me.
Weirjr'i Latest.
Weary Don't you remember a love
ly, blue-eyed, curly heaTed little chump
wot you uster kiss, and give pie to some
years ago? Well, I'm him.
: Masbe '.
"Why is it," complained the German
Fried Potato, "that you are more gen
erally esteemed than I am?"
"Perhaps It is because all the world
loves a lover!" replied the Mashed .Po
tato, -being more modest than logical
An Advance in A-t.
"Mrs. Dash, what is your club doing
to help beautify the city?"
"Oh, we are working hard to get the
clothing houses to use the word 'trous
ers' instead of 'pants' in their adver
tisements."
Kverythini Goes.
Little Willie Say, pa, what
"carte blanche" mean?
does
Pa It is a term used to explain the
actions of a man who has 50 tli his
pocket and his wife is spendng a week
in the country.
Before They Kipsn.
Sue Brett Where did you spend your
vacation?
Ham Lett In the country.
Sue Brett Have a good time? .
Ham Lett Sure. It was a genuine
pleasure to find a place where there
were only fresh eggs. - - -
Says Mr. Sour Iron,
"Yes, it's mostly bill and coo during
the honeymoon," growled Mr. Sour-
drop, helping himself to the best piece
of chicken, "but after that I've noticed-!
that it Is pretty nearly all bill."
Whereupon the young dry goods
clerk was seen to look thoughtfully in
the direction of the school teacher.
Baltimore American.
v . - Slisthtly Chansel.
Catherine Did you ever see "lovers'
row" in Lincoln raritr
Grace Oh, yes.
Catharine Well, George and I quar
reled there.
Grace Then It must have been lov
rs' row.
"Oh! how bitter it Is to sell newspa
pers when me soul is a-cryin' fer art!"
ItWasa"ot."
"Why do you wear a lover's knot as a
Bonrfnln?" asked Mrs. Hardcastle of
her bald and eranky bachelor brother.
"Because I am not a lover," replied
n snannishlv
Fu' Ailment.
He These beastly summer hotels!
She I know it! What did we ever
leaVe home for, any way?
"Well, we wanted the debt and the
unrest" Life.
Troubles and Trials.
"I tell you, sir," said the clergyman.
"the trouble lies in the fact that we
have too many lawyers."
"There is where you are away off,'
remarked the judge. "The real trouble
is due to the fact that there aren't half
enough clients." Chicago News.
Pleasant Anticipation.
Overheard at Atlantic City: -"My
vacation ends to-morrow." -
"What a relief it must be to be able
to go back to the office and take a rest.
Philadelphia Record. ..
'" Their Advantage. .
"But," said the young mosquito, "is
not man much stronger than we?"
"He Is," responded thefond parent;
"but we may venture to attack him on
I account of our 'superior mobility.
Puck. ' " ,
- The 'Glamour of Effort.
Julia Julius, why-don't you try to
set something to do? .
Julius I have tried; but even wnen l
try and fail I. feel such a virtuous glow
that it unfits me to try again for a long,
long time. . v ..
Fome Grounds.
What's wrong with the expression.
tempest in a teapot?' "
"It Is not true to fact Now, if it
were tempest In a coffee pot' there' d
be some grounds for it" Philadelphia
Times.
Doesn't Seem Possible;
Girls are more or less peculiar.
And something s wrong with the miss
Who really means it when she says
That she doesn t care for a kiss.
Dead Filence.
Nothing from my poor husband?"
said the widow to the medium.
'No, ma'am," was the reply; "not
even a message saying that the fire Is
out!"
Everyboly Anainit Him.
'Mr. Boobleby isn't very popular,
is
he?" .
'No. The poor fellow seems to have
fewer friends than a fat man in a
crowded street car." Harper's Bazar.
His Ion lition.
Willy LIttleboy Papa, what
Is a
czar?
Papa A czar, my son, is a Russian
potentate almost entirely surrounded
by assassins.
Life's Little Frictions.
"Are you getting ready for winter?"
"Oh, yes; we've had our last scrap
with the Iceman, and have begun to
quarrel with the coal man."
An Enrrtle Piss.
She You don't put mnrh fervor into
the love let tersVou write uie.
He Don't I? Well, perhaig I used
myself up on that love letter I had to
write your father.
Adn ter-tted.
"They say that apple butter Is adul
terated a great deal now," said Mrs.
Cumso.
"Yes, much of It is only apple butter
ine," added Mrs. Cawker.
The Kins' KisclUh.
"They say that Edward VII. is very
careful of his speech and often corrects
ail error in language made by others."
"Well, he is the natural guardian of
the king's English, you know."
Lous Distance Chee.
There's comfort in autumn let joy have
its fling
With winter before us we're headed for
spring.
W.I.I Western Buffalo Ways.
Dick See anything new at the Pan-'
Am?
Tom Yes; the restaurant waiter
brought ice for my iced tea in the palm
of his hand.
"Bobby, I'm surprised. This note
from your teacher says you're the last
boy in a class of twenty-one."
"Well, it could be worser."
y"I don't see how."
It might have been 'a bigger class."
Beyond His Reach.
Harry Did you hear about thaw
tewwible fix I was in?
Gussie No,- dear boy.
Harry You know my shirt waist but
tons down thaw back, and when my
bloomin' valet went out and got Intoxi
cated I had to sit up all night Chicago
News.
' Disturbed Clumbers.
"Where are you going?"
"I am going to notify the police not to
pay any attention to noises emanating
from our boarding house to-night."
'What's up?"
'Why, we had Welsh rarebit for sup
per and every boarder is bound to have
the nightmare before midnight"
Envy.
Jimmy Say, Billy, some spiders have
a dozen eyes.
Billy Gee! I'd like to be a spider on
baseball days. I could cover every
knothole in the fence.
Great Uncertainty.
"But how are we going to leave
town?" anxiously inquired the trage
dian, after he had learned that there
were no railroads.
"Well, that depends on the show,"
responded Amber Pete. "If the boys
get their money's worth you'll ride on
the coach; if they don't you'll ride on
a rail."
An Experience 1 Beau. '
Jimmy Look! Dere goes Mamie Mul
berry with Nibsy Murphy, an' she's
hangin1 on his arm fer dear life. D' yer
s'pose she's doin' dat ter show she
loves him?
Petey Naw; it's ten ter one she's
doin' it ter make him feel foolish.
Puck.
Smile Gave Her Avar.
Mistress Did Mrs. Brown leave any
message when you told her I was out,
Norah? ' .
Servant No, mum; she didn't say
anything, but she looked kind o' pleas
ed like. Boston Herald.
Gen. De Wet's Ancestors.
The Dutch antiquarian Peter van
Meuvs gives some information about
the De Wet family. It appears'that the
most eminent predecessor of the fa
mous military leader in the South Afri
can "Orange-Vrystatt" was a painter
of considerable note in his day. Jaco
bus Willems De Wet lived in Haarlem
n anil et tllA 1 Hll Wtlflll-V Wild ffia
beginning of the 17th. The name of the
artlst stands first in the family registers
of the old Kaapland families. A Ja
cobus De Wet, his dfscendant and
namesake, settled on the River "Lies
beck In South Africa, where he mar
ried a Jesina Pretorlus, and died there
in 11J.1, rcaviug u v e uiiwicil .
' v , ' - JSoap for Cancer. ' v
If we are to believe J. H. Webb. M. R.
C. S.. England, who has made a state
ment to the Intercolonial Medical Jour
nal of Australia, the cure for cancer is .
to be found in a very simple remedy.
He has made some experiments upon
cancer patients. He asserts that they
have been cured, and that the agent In
this recovery has been soap! Sanitary
Record. . '