Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, October 18, 1901, Image 4

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    PRESIDENT
1 g J I J , J J ? V J -y . Cp ' J
Lead kind-ly IgW. 4-oikJ fte Wrtircling glooAJ Lead Thou on t '
Thousands of voices, through many
years, have been raised in melodious ut
terance of the beautiful words of "Lead,
Kindly Light" and "Nearer, My God, t
Thee," but probably never before have
these hymns been sung with such a depth
of feeling and such a fullness of meaning
as during the days following the death
of President McKinley. Ever dear, the
fact that they were the favorites of the
martyred President around whose bier a
nation mourned has made them more than
ever precious. Bands of music played
the notes in solemn dirge and in the
churches of the laud organs pealed forth
the touching strains and lips uttered the
words, while the mind dwelt upon the
scene where tie spirit of William McKin
ley went out in sublime submission to the
will of the Master."
How trustfully he yielded himself to
the guiding hand of the Universe! Into
the Great Beyond he passed, in the spirit
so beautifully expressed by Cardinal
Newman's hymn:
Lead Kindly Light, amid the encircling
gloom,
Lead Thou me on!
The night Is dark, and I am tar from home
Lead Thou me on I
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene one step enough for me.
I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Tboa
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will; remember not past
years.
PASSING.
Low in the WeBt the daylight dips,
While by the pool the Summer stands,
With stain of purple on her lips
And scarlet flowers in her hands.
Within the watery mirror there,
Narcissus-like she sees her face.
So pale, so sweet, so mortal fair,
And lingers spellbound by its grace.
The morning red is vanished now.
The splendor of the noon is gone.
And, like a veil on cheek and brow,
The wreathed mist is clinging wan.
A breath from meadows shorn exhales,
A sigh goes down the forest ways,
The dryads of the woody vales
Are mourning for the passing days.
And Summer hears the warning note,
As by the reedy pools she stands,
Her fading tresses all afloat
And scarlet flowers in her hands.
St. Louis Mirror.
rH-M-S-r ! ! ! ! !
Briarsmere. !
k SME BARTON, as she rode along
on her trusty little cob, paid no
v heed to the weather, so absorbed
was she In her own thoughts.
' Ralph Underwood was coming that
night to-ask her to be his wife, she felt
sure, for his manner at the Fletchers'
dance had been unmistakable.
What answer should she give him?
Could she ever love a man she did not
altogther trust?
Ah, if only Jack could speak she
knew what answer she would give if
be ever asked the same question, bbut
Jack never would, now, though years
ago he had shown In a hundred little
ways that he loved her.
But that was before his father died,
and Briarsmere was found to be mort
gaged and all the affairs terribly in
volved. So now Jack was a poor man,
and had even undertaken work as Un
derwood's agent to pay off the mort
gage, which Ralph held.
Esme was rich, and could do as she
liked with the fortune she had inher
ited from her mother, but was power
less to help Jack because of that un
written law that "a man is to woo, a
woman to be wooed."
The rain poured down and at last
awoke Esme to a sense of what was
going on around her.
The rain was coming down in tor
rents, and an ominous roll of thunder
in the distance made Beauty tremble.
It was a lonely part of the road; only
a little cabin, much out of repair, was
in sight. She hastened toward it, not
knowing If Mrs. O'Grady still occupied
the place, or whether she had already
gone to live with her sister in Kerry.
On trying to lift the latch, Esme
found It was locked, but discovered a
shelter in the peat shed at the back.
As she stood there caressing her
horse to allay its fears, she was star
tled to hear a key fitted into the lock
of the door in front of the house.
The boards of the mud-covered walls
were ill-fitted and rotten, and Esme
conld distinctly hear two men talking
as they entered and shook the water
from their clothes.
"A good thing we are here so near
the place," said Underwood.
"Yes," answered a voice which made
Esme blush in the semi-darkness, "it
Is a bad storm, but It will soon be over.
I am not sorry it has come now, as you
will see that something must be done
to the place before another tenant oc
cupies it It isn't fit for a dog to live In."
; "1 shall do nothing; It's no use spend'
ing money on property of this kind.
,The8e peasants are used to pigging it
I Leave the place alone."
; "That Is, of course, your affair, Mr.
Underwood," said Jack. "In my posi
tion as agent it was my duty to point
out to yon what was needed, but I can
not make yon do it. Only I tell yon as
man to man, that the neglect of your
tenant's interests Is a disgrace to the
neighborhood. I have worked as your
agent in order to work off the mortgage
which yon hold on my property, but I
suppose the foreclosure which you
threaten must come, for I cannot work
for you any longer and have not money
to redeem the estate." ' .--. ;
"And, pray, why am I to lose your
Valuable services?" said Underwood.
"You know that during my manage
ment your profits have nearly doubled.
M'KINLEY'S FAVORITE
So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it
still
Will lead me on
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night Is gone;
And with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since, and lost
awhile.
This hymn was one of the favorites of
the President, though perhaps less deeply
but when it comes to distilling liquors
In underground distilleries and expect
ing me to be a party to the fraud, I
draw the line."
"How dare you speak like this to
ine!" said Underwood, choking with
rage. "You pauper, If I had not em
ployed you, yon would have starved."
"You are exaggerating my poverty,"
said Jack, in a calm tone. "It is true,
by honest work I hoped to regain my
property, but when you expect dishon
est work, yon have come to the wrong
man."
. "By the way," continued Jack, and
Esme could hardly catch his words, for
ESME DISCOVERED A. SHELTER.
he was already on the road. "I have
ordered back the pipes and stills."
"The dickens you have," roared Un
derwood, as he paced the - miserable
room. - .
A -quarter of an hour later Esme was
in the cozy office of her friend and ad
viser, Mr. Ranee.
It is a large sum of money to invest
In landed property, Miss Esme."
'I know," said the girl, in her quick,
bright way, "but what does that mat
ter? I have ever so much more when
that is spent. Besides I happen to know
the mortgage will be foreclosed If this
money is not paid, and I have other
reasons as-well." .
Beauty trotting along in the twilight
was within a mile of her own warm
ROOSEVELT AS A COLLEGE GRADUATEo
iL' i , o
m mm 'j. r.ygy- vmimrn Malawi- mm mrnmmmmmit i Hi
r
THEODORE
Many pictures have been printed of President Roosevelt during the last
few years, some as a plain citizen, some as a speaker, some as a cowboy,
some as a soldier, and some as President but in none of these has there been
any sign of hirsute adornment' except the mustache. There was a time, how
ever, when the man who is now President of the United States wore whisk-,
ers. The year President Roosevelt owned whiskers was 1880 the year he
graduated from Harvard. The above picture was made from his class pho
tograph. , ... ;v".-. '-'--;"'..-''' :;V :'- ' :C" '-'" -". .:' w.
HYMNS.
rooted in his affections than that othei
song of praise and yearning, the words
of which he murmured as life was leaving
the body ,
Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee;
E'en though It be a Cross ...
That ralseth me;
Still all my song shall be.
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer, my God, to Thee, .
Nearer to Thee! t
Though like the wanderer, the sun gone
down, -
Darkness be over me.
My rest a stone.
Yet In my dreams I'd be.
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer to Thee!
There let the way appear
Stepa onto heaven;
Ml that Thou sendest me
In mercy given;
kngeis to beckon me
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer, my God, to Thee, ....
Nearer to Thee!
Or, If on Joyful wing,
Cleaving the sky,
Sun, moon and stars forgot.
Upward I fly
Still all my song shall be.
Nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer, my God, to Thee, ,
Nearer to Thee! ,
The latter hymn was written by Mrs.
Sarah Adams and Lowell Mason arrang
ed the music. It was in 1841 that it was
produced, and was based on an old Eng
lish melody. The author was the wife of
Bridges Adams, an inventor and pamph
leteer, who was born in Great Harlow,
England, and died iu August, 1848.
stable,, when she suddenly swerved
from a dark figure walking rapidly
in the shadow;
Esme. who had been sitting lightly
in the saddle, thinking over her after
noon's work, was taken unawares and
flung to the ground.
Stooping over her. Jack for It was
he who had unwittingly frightened the
cob lifted her quickly in his arms. She
was dazed and stunned, and as her
bead rested on his shoulder he stooped,
and pressing his lips to hers stole the
kiss that he had never dared to hope
would be his by right. . .
- "Esme," he said, after a pauset in
which each read the other's heart, "I
never dared to hope that yon had given
me your love, and I have no right to
ask you to be my wife, for in a few
weeks I shall have no home. Briars
mere is no longer mine. I kissed you be
cause I could not help It "as you lay In
my arms, and I thought you had
fainted.'
"Briarsmere is mine," said Esme,
smiling, "and it is mean of you, Jack,
only to want to kiss me when I have
fainted." Chicago Tribune.
Special Taxes in France. -In
France doors and windows are
taxed in over 9,000,000 houses and re
turns made a few years ago showed
that the -amount received from such
taxation was just about half as much
as was received from the land tax.
Every railway ticket In France Is taxed
and, th fact, in that country almost ev
erything of any value or of money-producing
power is taxed, either by cen
tral or local authorities or both. Every
thing that goes into any city or town
in the shape of wine, fruit poultry, fish
or any kind of food or drink is taxed
as it enters. .
Any person placing tables, plants or
flowers in front of his establishment or
an awning over doors or windows is
taxed for so doing. The town authori
ties of Bonn, in Germany, have decreed
that every projecting window or bal
cony shall be taxed 50 marks, or about
2 10 shillings, a year.
It is astonishing how ignorant rail
way officials are when asked for the
details of an accident on their road. "
Men and women waste a lot of valu
able time feeling sorry for each other.
POGSfcVELT.
SHERLOCKHOLMES,Jt
CHICAGO PARODY ON DOYLE'S
', WONDER DETECTIVE.
An Example of Hla Marvelous Power
of Deduction as They Strike tho Mod
ern Newspaper Writer History of
an ixcb.anged Umbrella.
Sherlock Holmes, Jr., was seated at
his desk with his back toward me as I
entered.
"Good morning," . be said, writing
away without turning his head, "that's
a fine umbrella you're carrying." '.
A queer feeling came over me as ne
spoke. Surely, I thought, this roan
must be in league with unseen powers.
I carried the umbrella under my arm,
and ewen If I had struck the floor with
it, how could he have known that it
was not an old, cheap one or a cane?
"Sherlock," I said, "you cause my
hair to rise. I suppose" you will tell
me you know by deduction that I carry
a fine umbrella, but that will not satis
fy me. . There is nothing to deduce
from. I cannot account for it only on
the theory that you have- second sight
or eyes in the back of your head."
"My dear Whatson," he said, smiling
and swinging around In his chair, "you
are unusually dull this morning. Don't
you see that I have the mirror over
there hung so that no one can enter the
door without passing within the range
of my vision, even though my back is
turned? I arranged that all myself.
Who but the greatest of all deducers
would ever have thought of it? Ah,
let me examine your umbrella. Yes, it
is as I supposed. The man who ex
changed with you is blind. - Poor fel
low! He hasn't been that way long,
though. Are you going to return it to
him?"
Panting with excitement over the
man's wonderful powers, I dropped
into a chair and stared helplessly at
him for a moment When I was able
to speak again I asked:
"How do you know he is blind and
that he has been so but a short time?"
"Pardon me, my dear Whatson, If I
decline to answer those questions just
now. You haven't said whether you
intend to return the umbrella or not"
"How am I to return it" I asked,
"when I don't know whose It Is."
"That should be easy." he said, reach
ing for it, and unbuttoning the strap
that held it neatly folded. Then he
half opened it exclaiming: "As I guess
ed. Here is a little silver plate with his
name on it."
- I was duinfounded at the man's clev
erness. -
"Holmes," I said, "there Is only one
man in the world who would ever have
thought of doing what you have done,
Oh, if I could only deduce as you can,
But his name alone is there, you see.
It seems to me that we are as far away
from him as ever. How are we to find
him among the hundreds of thousands
of men in this great city?"
"Wait a moment," he replied, as he
put on his hat and left the room. In a
few minutes he returned, saying:
'He lives at 7643 Paradise road; tele
phone. West 6309."
I had risen as he entered, but I stag
gered back and fell into a chair again,
overcome.. ;
"How do you know all this?" I
gasped.
"There is a city directory In the drug
store across the street" he calmly re
plied. " "Do you wish to call him up and
tell him that you have his umbrella?
You can at the same time ask about
his blindness."
Almost overcome by the man's un
canny air I permitted him to conduct
me across the hall into an office where
there, was a telephone that he was per
mitted to use. It was as he had said.
The man who owned the umbrella had
suddenly gone blind a little while be
fore, but the doctors were going to
operate on him and hoped to restore his
sight. V : ; ' ;
When we had returned to the great
amateur detective's room I said, almost
shuddering:
'Now, tell me how you knew he was
blind and that he had lost his sight
only recently. '
He smiled half wearily; half In pity,
as he replied:
'Ah, my dear Whatson, I'm afraid
you'll never become much of a deducer.
If he could have seen be would never
have taken the old umbrella you carry,
mistaking it for his own. And men
who are long blind develop a .delicate
sense of feeling that makes it possible
for them to know their own by a mere
touch. So It was plain that he was
blind and that he had not been so long
enough to recognize things by feeling
them. ; Don't bother me any more this
morning, please. I am working on a
very abstruse problem. .. An Ohio man
resigned a public office the other day.
I have been commissioned to find out
what's the matter with him." Chicago
Kecora-Heraid. -
SAVED BY HIS WIT.
How One West Point Cadet Avoided
Being a ".Deficient."
"There was an officer In the regular
army who is stationed not a hundred
miles away irom Governor's Island,
this very day,"-said a West Pointer yes
terday, "who would never have gradu
ated at the academy hid it not been for
his cool nerve plus his quick wit on a
trying occasion." And the West Point
er went on to tell of the cause and effect
Of that nerve and quick wit" -.- -
Twenty odd years ago, when he was
at West Point, there was a cadet there
who "flunked" in his final examina
tion in his fourth year. He was a pop
ular fellow and his classmates felt sor
ry for him. They were all to doff the
gray for the bine in- a -few days and' the
poor fellow it had leaked out despite.
regulations would be declared on grad
uation day "deficient" the only one out
of a class of more than 60. : : ; -
It so happened that a night or. two
before graduation day Mr. X. let him
be called that was obliged to be on
sentry duty. The officer of the guard
that night got a sudden idea into bis
head; the cadet might be so disheart
ened that he would be neglectful of his
duty. " He would test him see if he had
"soldier stuff" in him, even though the
odds were against his future. -
,: It was a dark, rainy night The of
ficer of the guard suddenly came across
the cadet's post ;- v '
The click of steel at the same ttme'YTTR TJTT nfiTT AT? PTTW
Warned the intruder that thA frtrv' 1
eyes were upon him at least that his
qulek hearing had detected the stealthy
steps on the wet sod. Then came out In
a half muffled voice: "Who goes there?"
This was the moment the officer of
the guard had fixed in his mind for
test of the cadet's soldierly quali
ties. The answer came quickly to the
sentry's challenge: "Nobody."
To the amazement of the officer, th
cadet came to a "right shoulder shift"
as it was called in those days, paced by
him and said: "All right my orders
are to let nobody pass, major."
The cadet has recognized the officer.
His answer, even if not regular In a
military sense, was correct, but it was
a tough one on the major. The story
was so good It could not keep, and It
went to Washington.
'To make a long story short" said
the West Pointer, "that answer, un
der the circumstances, won Influence
enough for that cadet not to leave
the academy as 'deficient,' but mere
ly to be put back for another year's
chance. Result? He graduated with
high honors in the following June and
was my commander in the Philippines
six months ago." New York Journal.
In the Harvest Field.
Frederic Mistral, the Provencal poet.
tells a charming story of the first meet
ing of his father and mother. Like all
romances it has its like in a more an
cient legend, suggesting, even to the
scene, the ever-beautiful story of Ruth
and Boaz. Mistral was born at Mail-
lane, a village at the foot of the Alps.
He was the child of a second marriage,
contracted when his father was about
55, a marriage of pnre romance. This
was the meeting of the middle-aged
man and the girl who became his wife.
One year, on St John's day, Maitre
Francois Mistral was hi the midst of
his wheat, which a company of har
vesters were reaping. A through of
young girls, gleaning, followed the
reapers, and raked up the cars that
fell. Maitre Francois, my father, no
ticed a beautiful girl who remained be
hind, as if she were ashamed to glean
like the others. He drew near, and said
to her, "My child, whose daughter are
you? What is your name?"
The young girl replied, "I am the
daughter of Etienne Poulinet, Maire of
Maillane. My name is Delaide."
'What! the daughter of the Maire of
Maillane gleaning?"
'Maitre," she replied, "our family is
large, six girls and two boys, and al
though our father is pretty well-to-do.
as you know, when we ask -him for
clothes he replies, 'Girls, if you want
finery, earn it' And that is' why I came
to glean."
Six months after this meeting, Maitre
Francois asked Maitre Poulinet for the
hand of Delaide, and of that marriage
I was born.
Catching Tigers.
Capturing tigers by a novel method
is now being adopted in Sumatra, and
is proving almost invariably success
ful. As soon as a tiger's lair has been
found, natives are employed to con
struct a wooden fence nine feet long
and four feet ' wide a short distance
away from it, and In this inclosure is
then placed as a bait a dog. Which is
tied to one of the fence posts. A nar
row entrance leads Into the inclosure,
and there, deftly concealed under
earth, leaves and boughs of trees, is
placed a strong steel trap, which is so
designed that any animal that places
Its foot on it is certain to be held cap
tive. , -
This trap is of recent invention, and
consists of strong steel plates and
equally strong springs. When it is set
the plates form a sort of platform, and
as soon-as the tiger which has been
lured thither by the dog sets his foot
thereon the springs are released, and
the cruel steel grips the leg and holds
it fast -'
Powerful as a tiger is, he cannot free
himself from such bondage, and - as
those who have set the trap are never
far away he is in a short time either
killed or securely caged. At the same
time the dog is released, and, indeed,
he could not be removed from the in
closure as long as the trap was set,
since this Instrument, strong as it is,
nevertheless is so delicate that the pres
sure even of a dog's foot would release
the springs and cause the animal's leg
to be crushed in a twinkling. London
Telegraph.
What He Might Do.
The custom of preserving the busi
ness name of a firm years after the
founders have passed away, or disapr
peared finds its reproof in a story-related
by the New York Evening Post.
A young man who was sent out to
canvass leading lawyers in a certain
interest entered the office of a firm of
great prominence and said:
"I should like to see Mr. M." men
tioning the first name of the firm.
"Very sorry, sir, but Mr. M. has been
dead three years," was the answer.
"Well, in that case, I should like to
sec Mr. N." the second name of the
firm. " ; - . ' . "
. "Mr. N. retired from the firm over a
year ago," said the clerk, with a smile.
"Indeed; then may I see Mr, O." the
last name of the three.
"Mr. O." replied the clerk, "sailed last
week for Europe, 'and won't be back
for a month yet; is there anything I
can do for you?" ..: '-,. : ;
-"There is," answered the canvasser,
with the utmost suavity; "some day,
when you have time, you might bring
the firm name up to date." ... "
If In Doubt, Work It Out.
A Cambridge university professor,
who dreams in figures, has done the
following" atrocity.
- 1 times 9 plus 2 equals II.
12 times 9 plus 3 equals 111.
123 times 9 plus 4 equals 1111. .
; 1234 times 9 plus 5 equals 11111.
12345 times 9 pins 6 equals 111111.
. 123456 times 9 plus 7 equals 1111111.
1234567 times 9 plus 8 equals 11111111.
.12345678 times 9 plus 9 equals
111111111. - .
1 times 8 plus 1 equals 9.
12 times 8 plus 2 equals 98.
123 times 8 plus 3 equals 987.
-1234 times 8 plus 4 equals 9876. " ::
'12345 times 8 plus 5 equals 98765.
123456 times 8 pins 6 equals 987654.
1234567 times 8 plus 7 equals 9876543.
12345678 times 8 plus 8 equals
98765432. - ' .
123456789 times 8 plus 9 equals
987(554321. . :
v ui AU1UUX VA - A Uiii
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE,
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born Sarins
and Doings that Are Old, Cnrlons and
lianghaMa The Week's Humor.
Time, 11:43 p. m.
A sound resembling a distant peal of
thunder Is heard directly overhead.
"What was that?" asked the young
man as he started up from the parlor
sofa in alarm.
"That?" echoed the fair pride of the
household. "Oh, that was only papa
dropping a hint."
And hastily gathering the hint unto
himself the young man carried it out
into the gloomy night. '
The Difference.
Stout Gent I haven't an appetite for
anything.
Lean Gent An' I ain't got anything
for a bloomin' appetite. Judge. ,
Politically Speakinir.
"What we need in politics," said the
man of theories, "is a candidate who is
not afraid to stand up for his party's
principles."
"Yes," replied the practical Individ
ual, "but the candidate who knows how
to lie for his party's interests seems to
hold the winning hand."
Breezy.
"Henry," said a young mother to the
old-bachelor lodger, "what shall we
name the baby? Hubby and I can't
agree. We want a name that Is appro
priate, and odd, and pretty, and that
hasn't a horrid nickname to it. Can't
you think of one?"
"Humph! I don't have to name ba
bies. I should think you would call that
kid Cyclone, though. It's appropriate,
at least."
"Why so?"
"The house has been full of squalls
ever since he came."
"Horrid!"
Spoke from Kxperlence.
Mrs. Enpeck I learned to-day that
Bob Smith and Mary Jones were se
cretly married ten months ago. Just
think of it! Married nearly a year and
nobody the wiser!
Mr. Enpeck Oh, I don't know. I'll
bet Smith was a whole lot wiser be
fore he had been married a month.
' The Only Time.
"What a great boon hairpins are to
women," observed Pennington.
"And to men," hastened -Meekwood.
"How so?"
"Why, when a woman fills her mouth
with hairpins a man has the chance to
get in a few words."
A Pointed Question,
Traveling Dog Fancier Do either of
you two want a cheerful companion for
the winter? The Tatler.
Advics to Schley.
Admiral Schley Yes, sir; I was at the
battle of Santiago and took an active
part in it -
The Interviewer Good gracious, Ad
miral, you'd better hustle home and
read the official naval history of your
country. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Two Views of Niagara.
Overheard at Niagara Falls: "It
seems a pity to see all this water going
to waste," remarked the clerical-look
lne man. with the white tie. "What
good is it?" asked the man with the im
pressionist nose. Philadelphia Record.
The Kind. , .. '
"Writing love letters requires a great
mental effort," said Bunting.
"Yes, sentimental," added Larkin.
1 wo Girls.
"If ten men should ask you to marry
them, what would that be?"
"What would it be?" .
"A tender." .,
"And if one should ask you, what
would that be?" (
"I don't know; what?" .
"A wonder." Life. . -
- Eeanitnr.
De Witt Yes, my son follows the
medical profession. - '
Gabbll With his black clothes and
white lawn tie, he looks more like aJ
minister than a doctor. ...
De Witt I didn't say he was a doc
tor. He's an undertaker. Philadelphia
Press. -.- - . ' . -. ' - ...
A Picnic Incident.
"Either that young fellow down there
with his girl is a liar or I'm nothing,"
remarked the adventurous caterpillar
as he proceeded to lower himBelf on his
silken thread.-
"What do you mean?" Inquired the
tree toad. ' .
"I just heard him tell her that noth
ing, she might be sure, would ever
come between them." Philadelphia
Press. .
Breezy Undertaking.
Blinks I hear you are about to start
a new paper. What are you going to
call It?
Jinks I had thought seriously of call
ing it the Bugle.
- Blinks Good! Just the thing If you
have fully made up your mind to blow
yourself.
Kxactinar.
First Summer Girl Oh! I broke off
the engagement! He was so unreason
able! Second Summer Girl Indeed!
First Summer Girl Oh, yes! Why,
he objected on my going to a moonlight
drive with another man! Puck.
Circumstances Alter Cisea,
Mrs. Dorcas What does your
hus-
band do during the summer?
Mrs. Gayboy That depends on
whether I stay at home or go away
to the country. Judge.
Several Meals Behind.
"Is . It true," asked the benevolent
lady, "that you often have to go with
out a meal?"
It is, ma'am," replied Tattered
Thompson. "This breakfast you have
given me was due on the morning of
May 7, 1889." Leslie's Weekly.
A Male Own?r.
Jake Here's a advertisement In th'
paper fer that dog you found. The
man wot owns him offers a reward.
Jim How dy'e know it's a man? "
Jake Th' paper says "no questions '
asked." New York Weekly.
Two Views.
Castleton (to- Dashaway What do
you think of it? Here's Clubberly, who
I have always thought was a friend of
mine, actually asking me to lend him
$25. '
Clubberly (later, to Dasha way) What
do you think of it? Here's Castleton,
who I have always thought was a
friend of mine, actually refusing to
lend me $25.
Of Perfidy Proof Positive.
She Untrue to you, Arthur! How
dare you. What proof have you?
He You are again wearing that shirt
waist that Bobby Gillum admired so
much last week.
A Scandal Spoi'ed.
Miss Sharpe Mrs. Gay is always de
lighted every time her . husband goes
away on u- uusiiiess trip.
Miss Gaussip Aha! Do you know I
thought there was something wrong
Miss Sharpe Yes, you see, he always
takes her with him. Philadelphia
Press. ' "- ;
Proverb Ante lated.
"The pen is mightier than the sword,"'
quoted the man who clings to proverbs.
'My dear sir," rejoined the modern
ist "it is no longer a question of pens
and swords. The debate now Is as to
whether the typesetting machine is
mightier than the Maxim gun."-
A Quiet Tip.
'Oh er pardon me. Miss Maudie.
but at what age do you think women
should marry? You know the papers
are discussing the question."
a.i auuui my age, t imnK, Air. Tim
id," she replied, sweetly. - : -
jo '"eterrea rayment.
note?"
'Certainly not" answered Mrs. Cuhv
rox, a little indignantly. : "We pay cash
for every lesson. The idearv-Washing-
ton Star.
: i- z r ,
Little Willie I bin' fishin', maw!
Mother Nonsense! : '
Little Willie 'Deed I hav', maw! I
caught all our goldfish with a pinbook:
Ohio State Journal. .-"
Crushing. . , .
"I never was so humiliated in me
life as much as I was In.' New York!"
exclaimed Meandering Mike.
"What happened?" inquired Plodding
Pete.
"De prosecutin' attorney accused me
o' bein' as unprincipled as de police
man dat arrested me." Washington
Star.
The Metamorphosis of Hog. .
"You can talk all you want to about
your queer names, but I've got-one
that caps them all," said a well-known
railroad man who just returned from
a trip in the southern part of the State
"This man's name is Thjng, and he's
a preacher, too. He is called Every
Thing, Any Thing and sometimes any
old thing, but he bears it all with a
patient shrug.
"The way he got his name is rather
amusing. He lives near Zumbrota, in
Goodhue County. When he was a youtlt
and his name was handed to him it
was 'Hog yes, spelled the same way,
and also pronounced that way. After
he engaged upon his ministerial duties
he did not care to be called a hog, so
be asked , that his name be changed.
He appealed to the District Court, and
the judge asked him what name he pre
ferred. He replied, saying anything
would do. . Therefore, they gave him
the name of Thing, and it is his for
keeps. He is the pastor of a pretty lit
tle white church, with green blinds, and
everyone that knows blm says he la a
good Thing." Duluth News-Tribune.