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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 20, 1901)
-. 1 THE INN. My door stands always open! You weary souls, come in You that are tired ot music, here silence doth begin! Tou shall not rise for dancing, orfoUow wandering loves. Here in my yew-boughs whispers only the voice of doves. "111 quench your thirst with water, well water clear and sweet, I'll bind about with linen your weary hands and feet. Lie down upon my couches that are of marble stone, Tou shall not lift your eyelids until the night is gone. . "The wind howe'er it whistles shall pierce no sleeper's ear; The rain that cries and whimpers can - never enter here. You shall not hear men groaning for things that were divine, Flung to the outer darkness or trampled down of swine. "Nor shall ghosts rise to trouble your peace as once of yore. Quiet shall be upon you; behind you and , before Darkness shall lie, and in it who knows what dream's to win Come in," cries Death the landlord, "you'll find no better inn." London Outlook. My Approaching Marriage X H HAD just heard the whistle of the postman at the door, and leaned over the banisters to inquire of ray landlady If there were any letters for Die. There (pas no immediate response to my query, and I inferred from the sus picious silence that either Mrs. Metcnlf or her daughter was inspecting my let ters, probably reading the post-cards, if there were any. Again I asked: "Mrs. Metcalf, are there any letters for me? I expect a letter of some Im portance." "Coining, sir coming!" replied Matil da, her daughter, as the latter slowly ascended the stairs, gazing very inter estedly at'a post-card. . In a few moments more she arrived at my landing, on the second floor, and gave to me a letter, two post-cards and a newspaper. One card from my tailor, to notify ine of his removal; one from Louis Du ra nde, to tell me that he could not keep a certain engagement with me, and a letter from Percy Cresmer, who had warmed his slippers at the same college fire with me scarcely three years ago. His epistle ran thus: "Dear Belton I claim your congratu lations. I am to be married, next week, to the sweetest girl the sun ever shone upon. There's surprise number one for you, and I wish you'd go to Silverman, the jeweler, and get the wedding ring, size enclosed on a bit of paper. There's surprise number two. Seriously, old fellow, it will do me a great favor, for business matters here are complicated In such a way that I cannot hope to get to the city a day before the event, and. of course, I know that I can trust your taste and judgment, equally with my own. Have the words 'Helen, 1896,' engraved on the inside and please send by . post without delay. Every -ours, faithfully, PERCY CRESMER." "PS. She Is an angel." "Well," said I to myself, laying down my old chum's rapturous letter, "here's a pretty commission for a bachelor. An angel. Is she? I don't believe she's any more angelic than Pauline Brooks. But every - man thinks his own goose a swan." . So I locked my desk, put on my over- . coat, and went straightway to Silver man's. Jones was behind the counter. I knew Jones; I bad bought a gold bracelet of him for Pauline Brooks, six months ago. Jones was a dapper little fellow, with stiffly waxed mustache, a cameo scarfpin, and hair bedewed with some ambrosial perfume or other. "Wedding rings, if you please," said I, plunging at once into the object of my visit. "Here's the size," producing my slip of paper. - "Any Inscription, sir?" questioned Jones, assuming so preternaturally knowing an aspect that I could have cheerfully pitched him in among the plated ware In the big glass showcase behind him. "Helen." said I, brusquely, "1896." "Emma, sir?" Jones put his hand be hind his ear to assist his hearing. "Helen!" I bawled out, painfully con st lous that the eyes of the three pretty gh-ls who were at the counter beyond were upon me. . "Very pretty name," simpered Jones, as he wrote down the order. "Any par ticular style. "Simple and solid," said I; "that's all." "Yes, sir. It shall be attended to at once. Shall I send it to your residence, or " "Pardon me, Mr. Belton," 'cried Mr. Silverman, who had overheard a por tion of our colloquay, "but If it wouldn't 1. 111. . t . l r 1 , ire m&uiji a tiireny, ill i Kill i lmiuire whether you intend to keep house or take apartments?" ; ! "What?" ejaculated I. "To keep house or take apartments?" reiterated Mr. Silverman. "Because in the former case we should esteem It a favor to supply the silver and table ware." I muttered dome not Darticuiarlv com plimentary answer, and went out of the ! shop, closing the door behind me with some emphasis. "Going to be married, eh, old chap?" said Bill West, a stock broker, famil- 5.770.93.369 . The total production of cigars in this country for the fiscal year ending June 30, 1001, was 5,770,934,369, the larg est quantity produced in twelve months since the industry was founded. The previous heavy year was 1892-93, when the production reached 4,900,000,000. According to the statements of those heavily, interested in the business and who are students of present tendencies, production is not likely to ever fall below 4,000,000,000 in a year, and chances are that be fore 1904 production will have, increased to 6,000,000,000. Placed end to end these cigars would reach a distance of bout 250,000 milra, or tea times around the earth at the equator. How to Hake a Dark Boom. The want of a suitable dark room robs amateur photography of a great deal of Its pleasure. A dark room big enough for all necessary purposes can easily be constructed In the corner of a stable, shed or unfinished chamber aft er the plan shown in the accompanying cut . .. : Mark off a square in the -corner of the space to be utilized and set-tip five strips of 2 by 3 inch lumber in the manner shown. Put a "header" across between two strips for a doorway and cover all the rest of the wall space with AN EASILY MAPS DARK K0OM. black tarred paper, tacking it on as shown in the Illustration, lapping the second piece over the edge of the first. For a door make a frame out of strips of board, putting a brace from the in ner corner at the bottom to the outer corner at the top, to keep it from sag ging, and cover the'; frame with the tarred paper. Hinge one side to an up right strip and tack on small strips in side so there will be no cracks left about the edges of the door when it is closed. Put up a broad shelf about two sides of the dark . .room, 'with a few smaller shelves above to hold chemi iarly thrusting his elbow into my side, as I strolled into Gatti's for my lunch that day. No!" said I, taking up the bill of fare. 'Oh, come, don't deny the soft im peachment," said West, with a wink. 'What has put such an idea as that into your head?" demanded I, some what indignantly. " 'And her name's Helen," said West, with an Idiotic giggle. "Waiter, a half- bottle of Mumm! Let's drink her health. Belton, when- --. Old Mr. Jessup was trotting across Hyde Park when I unexpectedly came face to face with him. 'Hello!" said Mr. ' Jessup, turning upon me the moony glare of two spec tacled eyes.; "What's this I hear about you, my dear young friend ? Accept my congratulations. Matrimony is always a blessed condition, and " 'Oh, yes, I don't doubt it," I hur riedly Interrupted, "but a there's some mistake about it -" . 'Miss, what did you say?" said old Mr. Jessup, beamingly. "Call round this evening and tell us all about It; there's a good fellow. I haven't time to listen just now." -1 could have torn my hair with rage. Mr. Jessup was Pauline Brooks' uncle and guardian, and I knew that my chances hi that direction would be all off if once the fatal story of the wed ding ring got to Pauline's ears. ;r l I crossed the park and hurried up Re gent street, mentally gnashing my teeth and In my impetuous haste had nearly stumbled over Pauline herself, just coming out of a florist's 'With a- tiny boutonniere of violets in her hand, .".' "Pauline," I cried rapturously. - But Pauline drew back the least little distance In the world, thereby putting an invisible barrier between us that froze me like an Icicle. "Dear me, Mr. Belton, is It you?" said Pauline. "I congratulate you, I am sure." . . "Upon what?" I demanded, growing desperate. " "Upon your approaching marriage, to be sure," said Pauline, with a smile, like, auroral lights hovering over a snowbank. ; "But I'm not going to be married," I protested. . . "Oh, excuse me, pray.-. Gentlemen do not5usually buy wedding Tings without a purpose," interposed Pauline. "Only J should think you might have paid such old friends as we are the compliment of some slight intimation of your im pending marriage." " "Pauline," said I "Miss Brooks hear me There is only one woman in the T .."rtllT.l mm n n o ... .. n .1 , vv ,. w.v. w uiuiij. u nil que , stands before me now." "Mr. Belton," said she, "you mav re- gard all this as a very fine joke, but surely it is not necessary.-to add any more insult to -it " ..-.- "Do you mean that you dpn't believe me?" - - . - . "How can I believe you ?' retorted she. Driven to a sort of frenzy, I dragged Percy Cresmer's letter from my pocket, 1 Her face cleared up as she glanced over the contents of poor Cresmer's j ecstatic missive. -. J. f Jiff NEARLY SIX BILLION CIGARS matmr hotqraphij cals, plates, paper and trays, and the dark room Is complete. Webb Donnell in Household. ; The securing of geod cloud effects is becoming more and more a study, and it is well to remember, that but few pictures are taken where time and pa tience are more in demand. Sunset of fers the best opportunity for such. One authority sas a clearing sky after an afternoon downpour is probably- the best time to secure good sunset ef fects.. The clouds are apt to bang low and be full of moisture at such time the atmosphere clearer and the lightbreak in through rifts in clouds much strong er than otherwise. The seasons of the year best adapted for sunsets are either in early spring or fall. A time exposure Is much the best, as a snap shot will not get the delicate detail. Use at least an- F 16 stop, with several sec onds time. And let the developer be very weak in starting out until you find. out just, what there Is, then a lit tle stronger may be tried. The develop ment must be carried well along, con-" sidorably more than usual. If prints curl up after toning, it may be remedied by laying the print face down on a sheet of blotting paper, and stroking the back of the print back and forth with the flat edge of the ruler or the back of a knife. Repeat this a few times and the print will be quite flat. ' If you ride a wheel, carry the camera suspended from the shoulder in prefer ence to having it attached to the bars of the bicycle. The latter method gives too "much vibration and is liable to jar your shutter out of order.. V "Poor fellow," said she. "He's very much in love, Isn't he?" "Not half as much as I am," said I. And then in the smilax-bordered shad ow of the florist's shop I pressed my suit. ' .: ..." I ordered the duplicate wedding ring that very night Pauline said it was too soon; but I quoted the ancient proverb, "Delays are dangerous," and we are to be married in a month. And If it hadn't been for the provi dential commission of Cresmer's" wed ding ring I might still have been shiv ering on the brink of an unspoken pro posal. "Blessed be wedding rings," say I. Spare Moments. - Easy Lessons Id City Life. When Moses K. Armstrong was elect ed delegate to Congress from the Ter ritory of Dakota, he made an experi mental trip to Washington to accustom himself to metropolitan ways. 1 In "The Early Empire-Builders of the Great West" he humorously describes some of his first day's experiences in an Eastern city. Down at the corner of the next block I heard an auctioneer crying out, ''Go ing for fifty cents!" 1 struck straight for his voice, and as 1 entered the room, he caught my eye and nodded his head. I returned the compliment. At that moment he cried out: "Sold and gone!" To my surprise", I found that, by nod ding my hear I had bought a woman's head-dress for fifty cents.": I paid the money and left the prize on the counter. I skipped out and walked slqwly down the street, muttering to myself, "Sold and gone!" and I have not nodded my head at a man since I made that bar gain. " Being a single man, I felt a little blue over that purchase, so I pushed on through the rain up the avenue, and soon met a bootblack who offered me a shine for ten cents. I poked my- foot out to him. "He pulled his artist-brush, looked at me and said: "Boss, you looks like one o' dem Con gressmen. Chuck down de cash befo' I spit on' your boots; we don't trust dem M. C. fellers." . I paid him the dime, and he blacked one boot, and then asked if I wanted the other polished, saying that his price was ten cents a foot. By this time I began to get mad, and I turned from .Sambo, and walked rap idly on with one boot black and the other brindle. "-. My brindle foot at last attracted so much attention that I stepped the other into the mud to make a match. ' ....... Maine Sardines. "The sardine-towns on the Maine coast," says the Kennebec Journal, "are congratulating themselves on the fact that herring are - beginning to come. Every year the little fishes .are called upon to do their lightning change act by arriving as herring and departing as sardines." . .. Courageous Maiden. -Wright Smooth Suppose you were in danger of being kissed, sweef maid, how would you meet such an emer gency. Polly Wogg (the milkmaid) Face to face. Cincinnati Enquirer. MADE. """""" i ii MUMMIES IN A CAVE, ANCIENT REMAINS FOUND ON SI- ERR A MADRE MOUNTAINS. Bodies in Remarkably Geod Stats of Preservation Cranial Feat area Superior to Those of the Inhabitant f Same Hegioa To-Day. In the Ethnological Department of the California State Mining Bureau are now on exhibition four mummies, which form the subject of a paper by Dr. Winslow Anderson in a recent bul letin published by the bureau. : These interesting remains were dis covered by Signor S. Marghlerl on the eastern face of the Sierra Madre Moun tains, Mexico, in a cave, the mouth of which had been so skillfully sealed with adobe plaster and natural blocks from the mountains as almost to escape de tection. - ":-.-' ': At the extreme end of this natural sepulchre these bodies a man, woman. little boy and infant girl, of whom no inscriptions or other evidences exist to reveal their race had been placed with faces turned toward the rising sun. No artificial means of preservation had been employed. .They were simply wrapped In burial shrouds, woven of various - materials, cotton, hair and grasses, and their mummification had been brought about by the natural ac tion of the extremely dry atmosphere of that region, which prevents decay. 1 They have dried in the sitting pos ture,. with hands crossed and knees drawn toward the chin, and are remark ably well preserved, the brain, heart, lungs, abdominal and pelvic viscera be ing intact, and dried to a solid con sistency. , The man Is large and well-developed, with a large head and broad shoulders. but has small hands and feet, with high arched instep. , . " The woman is even better preserved. A heavy suit of hair still remains. Her hands and feet are small,"; the latter measuring only . 8 -Inches in length, and ber skull gives unmistakable evi dence of a high degree of intelligence. The facial angle of the man Is 71 de grees and of the woman 69 degrees. The skull of the little boy, who Is sup posed to have been about 7 years of age Is unusually well shaped, and Indicative of no meager mental capacity, and the facial angle Is 71 degrees. These cranial features are superior to those of the inhabitants of the same re gion to-day. Moreover, the hair of the woman is soft silky, and brown in col or, wholly unlike that of the Indian race. In some respects these bodies ap proach the Aztec type; but whatever the race may have been. It was one of superior development. The mummies were secretly trans ported from Mexico, to avoid trouble with the superstitious Indians of that locality. An expedition to Kolynsk, Russia, is being made by Russian scientists in or der to bring to St. Petersburg the mam moth which has recently been discov ered. ; It is unique of Its kind, its hair. skin and flesh being entirely preserved. and there are remains of . undigested food in Its stomach. In 1900 in the Punjab, a section of India, where about 500,000 persons die annually, 893 were killed by snake bites. Their bite Is more often Inflict ed -in houses than either . In the fields or' In the jungle. ' During the year in question " 1,374 wild animals were slaughtered," including 11- tigers," 186 bears, 18-t Jeopards and 99 wolves; 13,- 272 snakes were killed. --. - r- Experiment'has shown that an elec tric, arc can be employed under water for fusing metal. The intense heat turns the water" surrounding the arc into steam, thus forming an Insulating cushion, of vapor. It has been suggest ed that with proper apparatus the elec tric arc couid be employed by divers for quickly tutting through large .chain cables or iron plates under water. ; Prof. Raphael Dubois of the Univer sity of Lyons has produced some of the most curious lamps ever imagined. by cultivating luminous , marine . ml crobes in a liquid medium contained in little glass vessels., If a few of these living lamps are arranged about a bust in a dark room, the bust Is made plain-1 ly visible, and photographs can be tak en of it. The actinic power of the light is, nevertheless, so feeble that several hours' exposure Is needed. With an other form of lamp.lled with phosphb rescent bacteria, enough light is obtain ed to render a printed -page easily leg! nle.. . ' Prof. Hugo da Vries, the well-known Dutch botanist and biologist, is credit ed with a "momentous discovery" con cerning Ihe origin of species among plants. Briefly stated, his observations indicate that new species appear sud denly by mutation, never as the out come of a progressive variation. He avers that he has been able, for the first time, to watch the formation and development of new species. A re viewer of his work In the English sci entific journal, , Nature, says: "The facts are so striking and convincing that an outsider, like the reviewer, can not but feel that a new period In the theories of the origin of species and of evolution has been Inaugurated." Consul General Hughes writes from Coburg that, according to the German press, fibroleum, a new artificial leath er, has just been invented by a rencn- man. It consists of pieces of refuse skins and hides, cut exceedingly small, which are put into a vat filled with an intensely alkaline solution; After the mass has become pulpy it Is taken out of the vat, placed In a specially con structed machine, and after undergo ing treatment therein Is again taken out and put through a paper-making machine. The resulting paper-like sub stance is cut into large sheets, which are laid one upon another, in piles of from 100 to 1,000, and put Into a hy dranlic press to remove- all moisture. The. article is strong and pliable, and can be pressed or molded into all kinds of shanes and patterns. It Is said to tnathe!M!8t,klndof TaI,,paperT V4 0.IV1.EB TV Liyr UCYC USCU luio a.m,aj speak of It In the highest terms. Goin' Back. I've packed my traps and I'm goin' back where the fields are green and broad. And the colts, with their legs all doubled up, are rollin' on the sod; - They'll smile, I s'pose, when they see me come, and they'll, some of em. likely say They thought I'd forsaken the farm for good the day that I went away But let 'em smile I'm goin' back I'm sick of the noise and fuss, Where a couple of dollars count for more than the life of a common cuss; They'll nobody notice I've went away If you told 'era they wouldn't care. But somebody's face'll be full of joy when she greets her boy back there. I'm goin' back, for I've had my fill I've saw what there is to see; The city may still be the place for you. " but it s lost its charm for me; And won't I be lonesome there, you say. with the people so far apart? Well, mebby they're few and far be tween, , but each of "em's got" a heart; . , . rBhere ain't no hundreds of thousands there to push you around, I know. Not carin' a cent where you're coinln" Irom or where you're tryln' to go For the one that's jostled day after day with never a friend to greet. There ain't a lonesomer place on earth than the city's crowded street. I'm goin' back where the dog's asleep on the step by the kitchen door. With his nose pushed down between his paws I m sick of the smoke and roar; - . ., .. - . There's money to make where the crowds are thick and they're try in'-to rip " things loose There's money to get if you've got the grit, but, dang -it all! what s the use? . They hustle for dollars all through the day and dream of dollars in bed, And forgive the gongin' a fellow may do as long as he gets ahead They hustle and bustle and coop them selves in dark little holes and fret And honor a person accordin' to the money he's managed to get. I'm goin' back where the poplars' stand . in tall rows down the lane, - " Where the bobsled's, settin', beside the barn, defyin' the sun and rain; v. Where 'the birds are singin' away as thongh they were hired to fill the ' - air ... ' " -. . . With a sweetness that nobody ever can know who was never a boy out there; " I'm goin' back where they'll not expect me to sit in the kitchen when I'm courtin' the girl I love because I'm workm for other men - Where the richest among 'em'll shake my hand, instead of lettin' me see " That they think the money they've got must make them a blamed sight better than me. I'm goin' back, and you'll stay here anj rush, in the same old way, Goin' to work and then goin' home the same thing day by day And you'll think you're ha vin' a high old time and 1 11 pity you. lookin' back (From where I whistle across the fields) at yo in the same old track! 1m goin back, but the crowds won't know, and they'll still keep rusbin on; :-.- - .. ". . They'll never notice that some one's face is miasm when I am gone No, they'll never notice that some one's gone if they did they wouldn't care But every tree'Il be noddin' to me when 1 turn up the lane back-there. Chicago Record-Herald. MEXICAN ARISTOCRATS. They Are Extraordinarily Tenacious ot Class Distinctions, The cultivated -Mexican, priding him self on his "education," looks for its manifestation in the person who claims his friendship and intimacy. He insists- on good breeding among his own people, . or they may not pass his threshold; all the more is he likely to in sist that the foreigner who would visit Mm be a man of polish, and with the ability to say and do things the right way. " ; .. . A Mexican of excellent family was saying to me the other day that going to an -Interior State he had sojourned at a hacienda where the men there as sembled, on engineering and other mat ters, were not of his kind, and 'so I did not eat at the same table," for they were not "cabaileros," or gentlemen. 1 demand brains and good breeding in my associates, or I live alone!" This gentleman speaks English per fectly, and reads our best authors, and he Is equally well grounded in other foreign languages.' He has none of that snobbish pride that offends, would not hurt another's feelings, and does not insist on nicety of dress, but does de mand of. bis associates that fine breed ing and perfect tact that characterizes people who have Inherited the courtly traditions of old Spain. It struck me that he went too far. that the technically trained men be met In the country were quite good enough to associate with, but to all objections he would reply: "They were not of my kind!" A Mexican lady of the old nobility of the country, wealthy and of long resi dence abroad, witty, of linguistic ac complishments, and much social experi ence in Europe as at home, said: "I do not invite foreigners to my table, not even diplomats, for they are too critical of the service, and -here you know that it is impossible to have such well-trained servants as in France, or England. I have been hurt in my feel ings, at my own table, at the quiet amusement of guests when something went "wrong, some blunder in service. And, as foreigners will make no allow ances for our domestic shortcomings, I close my doors to them. In Paris I should entertain foreigners,- for there I could be sure of my servants. But we Mexicans do not want to) be Jaughed at- and that, perhaps, by people who are not at home, In their own countries, of our class. One does not know who they are or what Is their origin. The lower their extraction the greater their presumption here." Boston Herald. ABluft " f'Why are you so pensive?" "No reason In particular," answered Willie Wishington. "I didn't have anything ' else to do, so I thought I might as well look as If I were think ing." Washington Star. Germans in London. There are 75,000 Germans in Londor., SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. Fleaaant Incldemte Occnrrtns . tna World Over-6ajinBthat Ara Cheer ful to Old or Young Funny Belec tioua that Krerybodj Will Enjoy. I gave the felon a terrible look. "Are yqu not ashamed," I thundered, "to be a mere thief when it is so easy to be an astute financier?" " "But it was not my fault," whimper ed the fellow, "that my victim had only JIO!" .' - " ' A Creditable Movement. Mrs. Horse A lot of us girls have started an Audubon club." Mr. Horse What's that? Mrs. Horse Why, we are not going to wear birds or wings on our hats. Bereaved. He I've lost a wealthy aunt to-day. She When did she die? He Oh, she isn't dead, but her niece has just jilted me. Judy. ! Kdncation. 'These Indians who have been edu cated at college seem quite like the others, do they not?" "Except for their 'Rah! rah!' at each end of the war-whoop, yes." Within Bonnda. Clubberly Have you ever been so desperately in love that you felt as if you couldn't control It? Castleton X0. All the girls I've been In love with have been only, moderately well off. .': - For the Public Good. "There's another thing Carnegie might do." "What?" ' "Start free ice-cream soda water fountains all over the country." - - Caustic Meanness. "Apples, raw apples, are now said to be good literary diet." 4 "Yes; and for some poets I'd prescribe green apples to keep them from writ ing." -,-r :- - ".- No Close Season. "Expect to do any bunting this fall?' "Yes, my wife and I are going to start out next week." "That's rather early, isn't it?" "Maybe it is, but we'll get the start on the other ; house-hunters, who are now out of town." Philadelphia Press. At the Lunch Counter. . Mrs. Stickler I' don't like blackberry pie, but I suppose I'll have to take It Mrs. Schoppen Why so, if there' some other kind you like better? . Mrs. Stickler I m in mourning, you know. Philadelphia Press. Out Five. He came to borrow five, and I Was out. It's just a sin! I wouldn't have been out if I Had only not been in. Philadelphia Press, A Hot One. "Shall I open the window?" "Why?" "So you can get the air." Detroit Free Press. , - Busy. "Young Mr. Dawdles has become very industrious since he decided to go luio business. - His office hours are from 8 a. in. to '! p. m." : "Yes," answered Miss Cayenne; "I understand that he has had to raise his office boy's wages for staying all that time to tell people that Mr. Daw dles has just gone out, but would be in at 11 o'clock next morning." Wash ington Star. - ' lvosric r MaudVWhen are they to be married? Ethel Never. - '- Maud Never? And why so? Ethel She will not marry him until be has paid his. debts, and he cannot pay his debts until she marries him. Fun. . . - . Tie Past. ' She You were a long time in the Philippines, weren't 'you? He Oh, yes. Ever since the time the war ended Life. first Green Apples Are Now in Our Midst. Mrs. Belleheld Well, it's a good thing that Benny came past the Fourth without injury. Sir. Bellefield But don't boast my deajr. The green peach season is com ing. Fittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. . One or the Other. . ' "lnat social retormer nas a very spectacular' way of presenting some ex traordinary theories." "Yes. The man is either posing or supposing all the time." Washington Star. - Not Easy at All. "No," said the impecunious one, "you can't believe all that you see in the newspapers." "Are you prepared to specify?" the other man asked. .- "I am. - I saw a statement In the financial columns that money was easy, but when I tried to negotiate a loan I found that the reverse was true." "You misunderstood the paragraph, It didn't say that people were easy." Judge. . - ' A Martyr. ! She I don't see bow I can possibly get along with this paltry allowance yon give me of three hundred a month. He But, my dear, that Is more than I pay most of my clerks, and they have whole families to support She May be so; but I am sure they are not continually annoyed by vulgar tradesmen the way I am. Puck. . ; A Draw. ' May Jack bet Bess that he'd be en gaged before she was. Pamela Which won? May Neither. :. They're engaged to each Other. Puck. A Henta-uard. Mrs. Dedbete Why are you so par ticular about there being a fire escape leading from our apartments? Mr. Dedbete I simply want to guard against paying the rent Ohio State Journal. : . -. Easy. "Which would you rather. Tommy. be born lucky or rich?" asked Uncle Tredway. : - "Both," replied Tommy, enten- tionsly. ; ... - tf. - .. Overstocked. " I argued and argued with young Nibbs to have more self-esteem." Was he Influenced by your efforts?" 'He's got so much now that I can't stay around where he Is.", : Cause af Her Cold. 'Poor Emersonla has a very severe cold," said Mrs. Backbay to Mrs. Bost- Ing. 'Yes,' the poor child took off her heavy-weight spectacles and put on her summer eyeglasses too soon," replied the latter. ' v ; A Sense of Fitness. Lady of the House You needn't ask for a cup of coffee; our gas stove has been turned off for hours. ; Tramp Coffee, madam. Is out of the question; have you any left-over sher bet or yesterday's lemonade In the ice chest? Fractional. "I am told that you've been married before,. Mr. Sooter,?' said Miss Bunt ing to her proposer. "Yes, er yes." "Your first wife had at least a por tion of your heart?" " "Yes er yes." .. "That's what I . thought. Well, I couldn't consent to marry a half-hearted man." Of Cnnr Mrs. O'Flanigan Be'gora, if we call wan o' the twins "Kate" what'U we call the other, wan? , Mr. O'Flanigan Dupll-cate. Cincin nati Enquirer. - v.... , ' Tha Difference. . ' Joakley He used to be a newspaper man, but a rich uncle left him a small fortune.' Coakley But I .understand that wasn't to make any difference. Joakley O, yesN He's a journalist now. Philadelphia Press. ; No Wonder He Blanched. Wife (with a determined air) I want to see that letter. Husband What letter? Wife That ;pne you just opened. I know by the handwriting that It is from a woman, and you turned pale when you read it I will see it! Give it to me, sir! - ;f ; Husband-r-Here It is.-- It's your milli ner's blU. - . ) - . ExtenuatTns Circumstance. Mamma What makes you so ill? I hope you:iayeri't been chewing tobac co. " - '"' Tommy O-boo-hoO S No, ma'am. Mamma I'm-glad to hear that but what '. Tommy L was, goin' to chew It, but boo-hoo I saw you comln' an' I swal lowed it " -' ;' ' ' ; "--A Banquet. First Mosquito-Anything on this afternoon? Second Mosquito I Relieve not. "Then come over-to my house and join me at a baby's, nap." Life. F omethlnar Between Them. "I have called," "began Mr. Forcheu Hunt, "to speak .to you aboutr your daughter. You mustbave noticed that there is something between us." "No," repUed Mrtfoldrox, "but I'm sure there wllF be' pretty , soon." "Ah.1" '' '' - "It will be the? Atlantic Ocean. I'm going to send her abroad till she learns a little-sense."- No Changre .There. "This Is a good year for peaches." said the huckster. . "If you'll buy 'em by the basket, ma'am, you'll find the price Isn't high at' all." "No," said Mrs.. Hauskeep, "but the bottom of the basket Is as high as ever." Philadelphia Press. - The Pope's Paraphrase. An amusing story of the pope's good natured humor is being told In Rome just now. ' His" holiness is much sought after as a sitter by : painters whose powers are not always equal to their ambitions. Quite recently one of these painters, having finished his portrait, begged the pope to honor him by in scribing upon it some scriptural text, with his autograph. Pope Leo looked dubiously at the picture. It was medio cre enough and little like himself; but he reflected a moment and then, adapt ing the familiar line in St Matthew to the peculiar circumstances, he wrote as follows: "Be not afraid; it is I. Leo XIII." : Mascagni Wears Bracelets. Mascagni Is one of the men who wears bracelets, and they are not con fined to- his arms, but ornament hi' ankles as well. The creator of "Caval leria Rusticana" Is said to be passion ately fond of jewelry, and numbers many splendid and valuable rings, giv en to him as well as bought by his own money, among his personal effects.