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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 20, 1901)
My door stands always open! You
weary souls, come in
You that are tired ot music, here silence
Tou shall not rise for dancing, orfoUow
Here in my yew-boughs whispers only
the voice of doves.
"111 quench your thirst with water, well
water clear and sweet,
I'll bind about with linen your weary
hands and feet.
Lie down upon my couches that are of
Tou shall not lift your eyelids until the
night is gone. .
"The wind howe'er it whistles shall
pierce no sleeper's ear;
The rain that cries and whimpers can
- never enter here.
You shall not hear men groaning for
things that were divine,
Flung to the outer darkness or trampled
down of swine.
"Nor shall ghosts rise to trouble your
peace as once of yore.
Quiet shall be upon you; behind you and
Darkness shall lie, and in it who knows
what dream's to win
Come in," cries Death the landlord,
"you'll find no better inn."
My Approaching Marriage X
HAD just heard the whistle of the
postman at the door, and leaned
over the banisters to inquire of ray
landlady If there were any letters for
There (pas no immediate response to
my query, and I inferred from the sus
picious silence that either Mrs. Metcnlf
or her daughter was inspecting my let
ters, probably reading the post-cards, if
there were any. Again I asked:
"Mrs. Metcalf, are there any letters
for me? I expect a letter of some Im
portance." "Coining, sir coming!" replied Matil
da, her daughter, as the latter slowly
ascended the stairs, gazing very inter
estedly at'a post-card. .
In a few moments more she arrived
at my landing, on the second floor, and
gave to me a letter, two post-cards and
One card from my tailor, to notify ine
of his removal; one from Louis Du
ra nde, to tell me that he could not keep
a certain engagement with me, and a
letter from Percy Cresmer, who had
warmed his slippers at the same college
fire with me scarcely three years ago.
His epistle ran thus:
"Dear Belton I claim your congratu
lations. I am to be married, next week,
to the sweetest girl the sun ever shone
upon. There's surprise number one for
you, and I wish you'd go to Silverman,
the jeweler, and get the wedding ring,
size enclosed on a bit of paper. There's
surprise number two. Seriously, old
fellow, it will do me a great favor, for
business matters here are complicated
In such a way that I cannot hope to get
to the city a day before the event, and.
of course, I know that I can trust your
taste and judgment, equally with my
own. Have the words 'Helen, 1896,'
engraved on the inside and please send
by . post without delay. Every -ours,
faithfully, PERCY CRESMER."
"PS. She Is an angel."
"Well," said I to myself, laying down
my old chum's rapturous letter, "here's
a pretty commission for a bachelor. An
angel. Is she? I don't believe she's any
more angelic than Pauline Brooks. But
every - man thinks his own goose a
So I locked my desk, put on my over-
. coat, and went straightway to Silver
man's. Jones was behind the counter.
I knew Jones; I bad bought a gold
bracelet of him for Pauline Brooks, six
months ago. Jones was a dapper little
fellow, with stiffly waxed mustache, a
cameo scarfpin, and hair bedewed with
some ambrosial perfume or other.
"Wedding rings, if you please," said
I, plunging at once into the object of
my visit. "Here's the size," producing
my slip of paper. -
"Any Inscription, sir?" questioned
Jones, assuming so preternaturally
knowing an aspect that I could have
cheerfully pitched him in among the
plated ware In the big glass showcase
"Helen." said I, brusquely, "1896."
"Emma, sir?" Jones put his hand be
hind his ear to assist his hearing.
"Helen!" I bawled out, painfully con
st lous that the eyes of the three pretty
gh-ls who were at the counter beyond
were upon me.
. "Very pretty name," simpered Jones,
as he wrote down the order. "Any par
"Simple and solid," said I; "that's
"Yes, sir. It shall be attended to at
once. Shall I send it to your residence,
"Pardon me, Mr. Belton," 'cried Mr.
Silverman, who had overheard a por
tion of our colloquay, "but If it wouldn't
1. 111. . t . l r 1 ,
ire m&uiji a tiireny, ill i Kill i lmiuire
whether you intend to keep house or
take apartments?" ;
! "What?" ejaculated I.
"To keep house or take apartments?"
reiterated Mr. Silverman. "Because in
the former case we should esteem It a
favor to supply the silver and table
ware." I muttered dome not Darticuiarlv com
plimentary answer, and went out of the !
shop, closing the door behind me with
"Going to be married, eh, old chap?"
said Bill West, a stock broker, famil-
. The total production of cigars in this country for the fiscal year ending June 30, 1001, was 5,770,934,369, the larg
est quantity produced in twelve months since the industry was founded. The previous heavy year was 1892-93, when the
production reached 4,900,000,000. According to the statements of those heavily, interested in the business and who are
students of present tendencies, production is not likely to ever fall below 4,000,000,000 in a year, and chances are that be
fore 1904 production will have, increased to 6,000,000,000. Placed end to end these cigars would reach a distance of
bout 250,000 milra, or tea times around the earth at the equator.
How to Hake a Dark Boom.
The want of a suitable dark room
robs amateur photography of a great
deal of Its pleasure. A dark room big
enough for all necessary purposes can
easily be constructed In the corner of a
stable, shed or unfinished chamber aft
er the plan shown in the accompanying
cut . .. :
Mark off a square in the -corner of the
space to be utilized and set-tip five
strips of 2 by 3 inch lumber in the
manner shown. Put a "header" across
between two strips for a doorway and
cover all the rest of the wall space with
AN EASILY MAPS DARK K0OM.
black tarred paper, tacking it on as
shown in the Illustration, lapping the
second piece over the edge of the first.
For a door make a frame out of strips
of board, putting a brace from the in
ner corner at the bottom to the outer
corner at the top, to keep it from sag
ging, and cover the'; frame with the
tarred paper. Hinge one side to an up
right strip and tack on small strips in
side so there will be no cracks left
about the edges of the door when it is
closed. Put up a broad shelf about two
sides of the dark . .room, 'with a few
smaller shelves above to hold chemi
iarly thrusting his elbow into my side,
as I strolled into Gatti's for my lunch
No!" said I, taking up the bill of
'Oh, come, don't deny the soft im
peachment," said West, with a wink.
'What has put such an idea as that
into your head?" demanded I, some
what indignantly. "
'And her name's Helen," said West,
with an Idiotic giggle. "Waiter, a half-
bottle of Mumm! Let's drink her health.
Belton, when- --.
Old Mr. Jessup was trotting across
Hyde Park when I unexpectedly came
face to face with him.
'Hello!" said Mr. ' Jessup, turning
upon me the moony glare of two spec
tacled eyes.; "What's this I hear about
you, my dear young friend ? Accept my
congratulations. Matrimony is always
a blessed condition, and "
'Oh, yes, I don't doubt it," I hur
riedly Interrupted, "but a there's
some mistake about it -" .
'Miss, what did you say?" said old
Mr. Jessup, beamingly. "Call round this
evening and tell us all about It; there's
a good fellow. I haven't time to listen
-1 could have torn my hair with rage.
Mr. Jessup was Pauline Brooks' uncle
and guardian, and I knew that my
chances hi that direction would be all
off if once the fatal story of the wed
ding ring got to Pauline's ears. ;r l
I crossed the park and hurried up Re
gent street, mentally gnashing my teeth
and In my impetuous haste had nearly
stumbled over Pauline herself, just
coming out of a florist's 'With a- tiny
boutonniere of violets in her hand, .".'
"Pauline," I cried rapturously. -
But Pauline drew back the least little
distance In the world, thereby putting
an invisible barrier between us that
froze me like an Icicle.
"Dear me, Mr. Belton, is It you?"
said Pauline. "I congratulate you, I am
sure." . .
"Upon what?" I demanded, growing
"Upon your approaching marriage, to
be sure," said Pauline, with a smile,
like, auroral lights hovering over a
; "But I'm not going to be married," I
. "Oh, excuse me, pray.-. Gentlemen do
not5usually buy wedding Tings without
a purpose," interposed Pauline. "Only J
should think you might have paid such
old friends as we are the compliment
of some slight intimation of your im
pending marriage." "
"Pauline," said I "Miss Brooks hear
me There is only one woman in the
T .."rtllT.l mm n n o ... .. n .1
, vv ,. w.v. w uiuiij. u nil que
, stands before me now."
"Mr. Belton," said she, "you mav re-
gard all this as a very fine joke, but
surely it is not necessary.-to add any
more insult to -it " ..-.-
"Do you mean that you dpn't believe
me?" - - . - .
"How can I believe you ?' retorted
Driven to a sort of frenzy, I dragged
Percy Cresmer's letter from my pocket,
1 Her face cleared up as she glanced
over the contents of poor Cresmer's
j ecstatic missive. -.
J. f Jiff
NEARLY SIX BILLION CIGARS
cals, plates, paper and trays, and the
dark room Is complete. Webb Donnell
in Household. ;
The securing of geod cloud effects is
becoming more and more a study, and
it is well to remember, that but few
pictures are taken where time and pa
tience are more in demand. Sunset of
fers the best opportunity for such. One
authority sas a clearing sky after an
afternoon downpour is probably- the
best time to secure good sunset ef
fects.. The clouds are apt to bang low
and be full of moisture at such time the
atmosphere clearer and the lightbreak
in through rifts in clouds much strong
er than otherwise. The seasons of the
year best adapted for sunsets are either
in early spring or fall. A time exposure
Is much the best, as a snap shot will
not get the delicate detail. Use at
least an- F 16 stop, with several sec
onds time. And let the developer be
very weak in starting out until you
find. out just, what there Is, then a lit
tle stronger may be tried. The develop
ment must be carried well along, con-"
sidorably more than usual.
If prints curl up after toning, it may
be remedied by laying the print face
down on a sheet of blotting paper, and
stroking the back of the print back
and forth with the flat edge of the
ruler or the back of a knife. Repeat
this a few times and the print will be
quite flat. '
If you ride a wheel, carry the camera
suspended from the shoulder in prefer
ence to having it attached to the bars
of the bicycle. The latter method gives
too "much vibration and is liable to jar
your shutter out of order.. V
"Poor fellow," said she. "He's very
much in love, Isn't he?"
"Not half as much as I am," said I.
And then in the smilax-bordered shad
ow of the florist's shop I pressed my
suit. ' .: ..."
I ordered the duplicate wedding ring
that very night Pauline said it was too
soon; but I quoted the ancient proverb,
"Delays are dangerous," and we are to
be married in a month.
And If it hadn't been for the provi
dential commission of Cresmer's" wed
ding ring I might still have been shiv
ering on the brink of an unspoken pro
posal. "Blessed be wedding rings," say
I. Spare Moments. -
Easy Lessons Id City Life.
When Moses K. Armstrong was elect
ed delegate to Congress from the Ter
ritory of Dakota, he made an experi
mental trip to Washington to accustom
himself to metropolitan ways. 1 In "The
Early Empire-Builders of the Great
West" he humorously describes some
of his first day's experiences in an
Down at the corner of the next block
I heard an auctioneer crying out, ''Go
ing for fifty cents!" 1 struck straight
for his voice, and as 1 entered the
room, he caught my eye and nodded
I returned the compliment. At that
moment he cried out: "Sold and gone!"
To my surprise", I found that, by nod
ding my hear I had bought a woman's
head-dress for fifty cents.": I paid the
money and left the prize on the counter.
I skipped out and walked slqwly down
the street, muttering to myself, "Sold
and gone!" and I have not nodded my
head at a man since I made that bar
Being a single man, I felt a little blue
over that purchase, so I pushed on
through the rain up the avenue, and
soon met a bootblack who offered me a
shine for ten cents. I poked my- foot
out to him. "He pulled his artist-brush,
looked at me and said:
"Boss, you looks like one o' dem Con
gressmen. Chuck down de cash befo'
I spit on' your boots; we don't trust
dem M. C. fellers."
. I paid him the dime, and he blacked
one boot, and then asked if I wanted
the other polished, saying that his
price was ten cents a foot.
By this time I began to get mad, and
I turned from .Sambo, and walked rap
idly on with one boot black and the
other brindle. "-. My brindle foot at last
attracted so much attention that I
stepped the other into the mud to make
' ....... Maine Sardines.
"The sardine-towns on the Maine
coast," says the Kennebec Journal,
"are congratulating themselves on the
fact that herring are - beginning to
come. Every year the little fishes .are
called upon to do their lightning
change act by arriving as herring and
departing as sardines." .
.. Courageous Maiden. -Wright
Smooth Suppose you were in
danger of being kissed, sweef maid,
how would you meet such an emer
gency. Polly Wogg (the milkmaid) Face to
face. Cincinnati Enquirer.
"""""" i ii
MUMMIES IN A CAVE,
ANCIENT REMAINS FOUND ON SI-
ERR A MADRE MOUNTAINS.
Bodies in Remarkably Geod Stats
of Preservation Cranial Feat area
Superior to Those of the Inhabitant
f Same Hegioa To-Day.
In the Ethnological Department of
the California State Mining Bureau are
now on exhibition four mummies,
which form the subject of a paper by
Dr. Winslow Anderson in a recent bul
letin published by the bureau. :
These interesting remains were dis
covered by Signor S. Marghlerl on the
eastern face of the Sierra Madre Moun
tains, Mexico, in a cave, the mouth of
which had been so skillfully sealed with
adobe plaster and natural blocks from
the mountains as almost to escape de
tection. - ":-.-' ':
At the extreme end of this natural
sepulchre these bodies a man, woman.
little boy and infant girl, of whom no
inscriptions or other evidences exist to
reveal their race had been placed with
faces turned toward the rising sun.
No artificial means of preservation
had been employed. .They were simply
wrapped In burial shrouds, woven of
various - materials, cotton, hair and
grasses, and their mummification had
been brought about by the natural ac
tion of the extremely dry atmosphere
of that region, which prevents decay.
1 They have dried in the sitting pos
ture,. with hands crossed and knees
drawn toward the chin, and are remark
ably well preserved, the brain, heart,
lungs, abdominal and pelvic viscera be
ing intact, and dried to a solid con
The man Is large and well-developed,
with a large head and broad shoulders.
but has small hands and feet, with high
arched instep. , . "
The woman is even better preserved.
A heavy suit of hair still remains. Her
hands and feet are small,"; the latter
measuring only . 8 -Inches in length,
and ber skull gives unmistakable evi
dence of a high degree of intelligence.
The facial angle of the man Is 71 de
grees and of the woman 69 degrees.
The skull of the little boy, who Is sup
posed to have been about 7 years of age
Is unusually well shaped, and Indicative
of no meager mental capacity, and the
facial angle Is 71 degrees.
These cranial features are superior to
those of the inhabitants of the same re
gion to-day. Moreover, the hair of the
woman is soft silky, and brown in col
or, wholly unlike that of the Indian
race. In some respects these bodies ap
proach the Aztec type; but whatever
the race may have been. It was one of
The mummies were secretly trans
ported from Mexico, to avoid trouble
with the superstitious Indians of that
An expedition to Kolynsk, Russia, is
being made by Russian scientists in or
der to bring to St. Petersburg the mam
moth which has recently been discov
ered. ; It is unique of Its kind, its hair.
skin and flesh being entirely preserved.
and there are remains of . undigested
food in Its stomach.
In 1900 in the Punjab, a section of
India, where about 500,000 persons die
annually, 893 were killed by snake
bites. Their bite Is more often Inflict
ed -in houses than either . In the fields
or' In the jungle. ' During the year in
question " 1,374 wild animals were
slaughtered," including 11- tigers," 186
bears, 18-t Jeopards and 99 wolves; 13,-
272 snakes were killed. --. -
r- Experiment'has shown that an elec
tric, arc can be employed under water
for fusing metal. The intense heat
turns the water" surrounding the arc
into steam, thus forming an Insulating
cushion, of vapor. It has been suggest
ed that with proper apparatus the elec
tric arc couid be employed by divers
for quickly tutting through large .chain
cables or iron plates under water.
; Prof. Raphael Dubois of the Univer
sity of Lyons has produced some of
the most curious lamps ever imagined.
by cultivating luminous , marine . ml
crobes in a liquid medium contained in
little glass vessels., If a few of these
living lamps are arranged about a bust
in a dark room, the bust Is made plain-1
ly visible, and photographs can be tak
en of it. The actinic power of the light
is, nevertheless, so feeble that several
hours' exposure Is needed. With an
other form of lamp.lled with phosphb
rescent bacteria, enough light is obtain
ed to render a printed -page easily leg!
nle.. . '
Prof. Hugo da Vries, the well-known
Dutch botanist and biologist, is credit
ed with a "momentous discovery" con
cerning Ihe origin of species among
plants. Briefly stated, his observations
indicate that new species appear sud
denly by mutation, never as the out
come of a progressive variation. He
avers that he has been able, for the
first time, to watch the formation and
development of new species. A re
viewer of his work In the English sci
entific journal, , Nature, says: "The
facts are so striking and convincing
that an outsider, like the reviewer, can
not but feel that a new period In the
theories of the origin of species and of
evolution has been Inaugurated."
Consul General Hughes writes from
Coburg that, according to the German
press, fibroleum, a new artificial leath
er, has just been invented by a rencn-
man. It consists of pieces of refuse
skins and hides, cut exceedingly small,
which are put into a vat filled with an
intensely alkaline solution; After the
mass has become pulpy it Is taken out
of the vat, placed In a specially con
structed machine, and after undergo
ing treatment therein Is again taken
out and put through a paper-making
machine. The resulting paper-like sub
stance is cut into large sheets, which
are laid one upon another, in piles of
from 100 to 1,000, and put Into a hy
dranlic press to remove- all moisture.
The. article is strong and pliable, and
can be pressed or molded into all kinds
of shanes and patterns. It Is said to
V4 0.IV1.EB TV Liyr UCYC USCU luio a.m,aj
speak of It In the highest terms.
I've packed my traps and I'm goin' back
where the fields are green and
And the colts, with their legs all doubled
up, are rollin' on the sod; -
They'll smile, I s'pose, when they see me
come, and they'll, some of em.
They thought I'd forsaken the farm for
good the day that I went away
But let 'em smile I'm goin' back I'm
sick of the noise and fuss,
Where a couple of dollars count for more
than the life of a common cuss;
They'll nobody notice I've went away If
you told 'era they wouldn't care.
But somebody's face'll be full of joy when
she greets her boy back there.
I'm goin' back, for I've had my fill I've
saw what there is to see;
The city may still be the place for you.
" but it s lost its charm for me;
And won't I be lonesome there, you say.
with the people so far apart?
Well, mebby they're few and far be
tween, , but each of "em's got" a
heart; . , .
rBhere ain't no hundreds of thousands
there to push you around, I know.
Not carin' a cent where you're coinln"
Irom or where you're tryln' to go
For the one that's jostled day after day
with never a friend to greet.
There ain't a lonesomer place on earth
than the city's crowded street.
I'm goin' back where the dog's asleep on
the step by the kitchen door.
With his nose pushed down between his
paws I m sick of the smoke and
roar; - . ., .. - .
There's money to make where the crowds
are thick and they're try in'-to rip
" things loose
There's money to get if you've got the
grit, but, dang -it all! what s the
They hustle for dollars all through the
day and dream of dollars in bed,
And forgive the gongin' a fellow may do
as long as he gets ahead
They hustle and bustle and coop them
selves in dark little holes and fret
And honor a person accordin' to the
money he's managed to get.
I'm goin' back where the poplars' stand
. in tall rows down the lane, - "
Where the bobsled's, settin', beside the
barn, defyin' the sun and rain; v.
Where 'the birds are singin' away as
thongh they were hired to fill the
' - air ... ' " -. . .
With a sweetness that nobody ever can
know who was never a boy out
I'm goin' back where they'll not expect
me to sit in the kitchen when
I'm courtin' the girl I love because I'm
workm for other men -
Where the richest among 'em'll shake my
hand, instead of lettin' me see "
That they think the money they've got
must make them a blamed sight
better than me.
I'm goin' back, and you'll stay here anj
rush, in the same old way,
Goin' to work and then goin' home the
same thing day by day
And you'll think you're ha vin' a high old
time and 1 11 pity you. lookin' back
(From where I whistle across the fields)
at yo in the same old track!
1m goin back, but the crowds won't
know, and they'll still keep rusbin
on; :-.- - .. ". .
They'll never notice that some one's face
is miasm when I am gone
No, they'll never notice that some one's
gone if they did they wouldn't
But every tree'Il be noddin' to me when 1
turn up the lane back-there.
They Are Extraordinarily Tenacious
ot Class Distinctions,
The cultivated -Mexican, priding him
self on his "education," looks for its
manifestation in the person who claims
his friendship and intimacy. He insists-
on good breeding among his own
people, . or they may not pass his
threshold; all the more is he likely to in
sist that the foreigner who would visit
Mm be a man of polish, and with the
ability to say and do things the right
way. " ; .. .
A Mexican of excellent family was
saying to me the other day that going
to an -Interior State he had sojourned
at a hacienda where the men there as
sembled, on engineering and other mat
ters, were not of his kind, and 'so I
did not eat at the same table," for they
were not "cabaileros," or gentlemen.
1 demand brains and good breeding in
my associates, or I live alone!"
This gentleman speaks English per
fectly, and reads our best authors, and
he Is equally well grounded in other
foreign languages.' He has none of that
snobbish pride that offends, would not
hurt another's feelings, and does not
insist on nicety of dress, but does de
mand of. bis associates that fine breed
ing and perfect tact that characterizes
people who have Inherited the courtly
traditions of old Spain.
It struck me that he went too far.
that the technically trained men be met
In the country were quite good enough
to associate with, but to all objections
he would reply: "They were not of my
A Mexican lady of the old nobility of
the country, wealthy and of long resi
dence abroad, witty, of linguistic ac
complishments, and much social experi
ence in Europe as at home, said:
"I do not invite foreigners to my table,
not even diplomats, for they are too
critical of the service, and -here you
know that it is impossible to have such
well-trained servants as in France, or
England. I have been hurt in my feel
ings, at my own table, at the quiet
amusement of guests when something
went "wrong, some blunder in service.
And, as foreigners will make no allow
ances for our domestic shortcomings, I
close my doors to them. In Paris I
should entertain foreigners,- for there
I could be sure of my servants. But
we Mexicans do not want to) be Jaughed
at- and that, perhaps, by people who
are not at home, In their own countries,
of our class. One does not know who
they are or what Is their origin. The
lower their extraction the greater their
presumption here." Boston Herald.
f'Why are you so pensive?"
"No reason In particular," answered
Willie Wishington. "I didn't have
anything ' else to do, so I thought I
might as well look as If I were think
ing." Washington Star.
Germans in London.
There are 75,000 Germans in Londor.,
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Fleaaant Incldemte Occnrrtns . tna
World Over-6ajinBthat Ara Cheer
ful to Old or Young Funny Belec
tioua that Krerybodj Will Enjoy.
I gave the felon a terrible look.
"Are yqu not ashamed," I thundered,
"to be a mere thief when it is so easy
to be an astute financier?"
" "But it was not my fault," whimper
ed the fellow, "that my victim had only
JIO!" .' - " '
A Creditable Movement.
Mrs. Horse A lot of us girls
started an Audubon club."
Mr. Horse What's that?
Mrs. Horse Why, we are not going
to wear birds or wings on our hats.
He I've lost a wealthy aunt to-day.
She When did she die?
He Oh, she isn't dead, but her niece
has just jilted me. Judy. !
'These Indians who have been edu
cated at college seem quite like the
others, do they not?"
"Except for their 'Rah! rah!' at each
end of the war-whoop, yes."
Clubberly Have you ever been so
desperately in love that you felt as if
you couldn't control It?
Castleton X0. All the girls I've been
In love with have been only, moderately
well off. .': -
For the Public Good.
"There's another thing Carnegie
"Start free ice-cream soda water
fountains all over the country."
- - Caustic Meanness.
"Apples, raw apples, are now said to
be good literary diet." 4
"Yes; and for some poets I'd prescribe
green apples to keep them from writ
ing." -,-r :- -
".- No Close Season.
"Expect to do any bunting this fall?'
"Yes, my wife and I are going to
start out next week."
"That's rather early, isn't it?"
"Maybe it is, but we'll get the start
on the other ; house-hunters, who are
now out of town." Philadelphia Press.
At the Lunch Counter.
. Mrs. Stickler I' don't like blackberry
pie, but I suppose I'll have to take It
Mrs. Schoppen Why so, if there'
some other kind you like better? .
Mrs. Stickler I m in mourning, you
know. Philadelphia Press.
He came to borrow five, and I
Was out. It's just a sin!
I wouldn't have been out if I
Had only not been in.
A Hot One.
"Shall I open the window?"
"So you can get the air." Detroit
Free Press. , -
"Young Mr. Dawdles has become
very industrious since he decided to go
luio business. - His office hours are from
8 a. in. to '! p. m." :
"Yes," answered Miss Cayenne; "I
understand that he has had to raise
his office boy's wages for staying all
that time to tell people that Mr. Daw
dles has just gone out, but would be
in at 11 o'clock next morning." Wash
ington Star. -
' lvosric r
MaudVWhen are they to be married?
Ethel Never. - '-
Maud Never? And why so?
Ethel She will not marry him until
be has paid his. debts, and he cannot
pay his debts until she marries him.
Fun. . . - .
Tie Past. '
She You were a long time in the
Philippines, weren't 'you?
He Oh, yes. Ever since the
time the war ended Life.
Green Apples Are Now in Our Midst.
Mrs. Belleheld Well, it's a good
thing that Benny came past the Fourth
Sir. Bellefield But don't boast my
deajr. The green peach season is com
ing. Fittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
. One or the Other. . '
"lnat social retormer nas a very
spectacular' way of presenting some ex
"Yes. The man is either posing or
supposing all the time." Washington
Not Easy at All.
"No," said the impecunious one, "you
can't believe all that you see in the
"Are you prepared to specify?" the
other man asked. .-
"I am. - I saw a statement In the
financial columns that money was easy,
but when I tried to negotiate a loan I
found that the reverse was true."
"You misunderstood the paragraph,
It didn't say that people were easy."
Judge. . - '
A Martyr. !
She I don't see bow I can possibly
get along with this paltry allowance
yon give me of three hundred a month.
He But, my dear, that Is more than
I pay most of my clerks, and they have
whole families to support
She May be so; but I am sure they
are not continually annoyed by vulgar
tradesmen the way I am. Puck.
. ; A Draw. '
May Jack bet Bess that he'd be en
gaged before she was.
Pamela Which won?
May Neither. :. They're engaged to
each Other. Puck.
Mrs. Dedbete Why are you so par
ticular about there being a fire escape
leading from our apartments?
Mr. Dedbete I simply want to guard
against paying the rent Ohio State
Journal. : .
"Which would you rather. Tommy.
be born lucky or rich?" asked Uncle
Tredway. : -
"Both," replied Tommy, enten-
tionsly. ; ... - tf. - ..
I argued and argued with young
Nibbs to have more self-esteem."
Was he Influenced by your efforts?"
'He's got so much now that I can't
stay around where he Is.", :
Cause af Her Cold.
'Poor Emersonla has a very severe
cold," said Mrs. Backbay to Mrs. Bost-
'Yes,' the poor child took off her
heavy-weight spectacles and put on her
summer eyeglasses too soon," replied
the latter. ' v ;
A Sense of Fitness.
Lady of the House You needn't ask
for a cup of coffee; our gas stove has
been turned off for hours. ;
Tramp Coffee, madam. Is out of the
question; have you any left-over sher
bet or yesterday's lemonade In the ice
"I am told that you've been married
before,. Mr. Sooter,?' said Miss Bunt
ing to her proposer.
"Yes, er yes."
"Your first wife had at least a por
tion of your heart?" "
"Yes er yes." ..
"That's what I . thought. Well, I
couldn't consent to marry a half-hearted
Mrs. O'Flanigan Be'gora, if we call
wan o' the twins "Kate" what'U we
call the other, wan? ,
Mr. O'Flanigan Dupll-cate. Cincin
nati Enquirer. - v.... , '
Tha Difference. .
' Joakley He used to be a newspaper
man, but a rich uncle left him a small
Coakley But I .understand that
wasn't to make any difference.
Joakley O, yesN He's a journalist
now. Philadelphia Press. ;
No Wonder He Blanched.
Wife (with a determined air) I want
to see that letter.
Husband What letter?
Wife That ;pne you just opened. I
know by the handwriting that It is
from a woman, and you turned pale
when you read it I will see it! Give
it to me, sir! - ;f ;
Husband-r-Here It is.-- It's your milli
ner's blU. - . ) - .
Mamma What makes you so ill? I
hope you:iayeri't been chewing tobac
co. " - '"'
Tommy O-boo-hoO S No, ma'am.
Mamma I'm-glad to hear that but
Tommy L was, goin' to chew It, but
boo-hoo I saw you comln' an' I swal
lowed it " -' ;'
' ' ; "--A Banquet.
First Mosquito-Anything on this
Second Mosquito I Relieve not.
"Then come over-to my house and
join me at a baby's, nap." Life.
F omethlnar Between Them.
"I have called," "began Mr. Forcheu
Hunt, "to speak .to you aboutr your
daughter. You mustbave noticed that
there is something between us."
"No," repUed Mrtfoldrox, "but I'm
sure there wllF be' pretty , soon."
"Ah.1" '' '' -
"It will be the? Atlantic Ocean. I'm
going to send her abroad till she learns
No Changre .There.
"This Is a good year for peaches."
said the huckster. . "If you'll buy 'em
by the basket, ma'am, you'll find the
price Isn't high at' all."
"No," said Mrs.. Hauskeep, "but the
bottom of the basket Is as high as
ever." Philadelphia Press.
- The Pope's Paraphrase.
An amusing story of the pope's good
natured humor is being told In Rome
just now. ' His" holiness is much sought
after as a sitter by : painters whose
powers are not always equal to their
ambitions. Quite recently one of these
painters, having finished his portrait,
begged the pope to honor him by in
scribing upon it some scriptural text,
with his autograph. Pope Leo looked
dubiously at the picture. It was medio
cre enough and little like himself; but
he reflected a moment and then, adapt
ing the familiar line in St Matthew to
the peculiar circumstances, he wrote as
follows: "Be not afraid; it is I. Leo
Mascagni Wears Bracelets.
Mascagni Is one of the men who
wears bracelets, and they are not con
fined to- his arms, but ornament hi'
ankles as well. The creator of "Caval
leria Rusticana" Is said to be passion
ately fond of jewelry, and numbers
many splendid and valuable rings, giv
en to him as well as bought by his own
money, among his personal effects.