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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 20, 1901)
Salt Rheum You may call it eczema, tetter or milk crust. But no matter what you call it, this skin disease which comes In patches that burn. Itch, discharge a watery matter, dry and scale, owes its existence to the presence of humors in the system. It will continue to exist, annoy, and per haps agonize, as long as these humors remain. It is always radically and permanently cured by Hood's Sarsaparilla which expels all humors, and is positively unequalled (or all cutaneous eruptions. A Satisfactory Score. "You never seem to give even a thought of your ancestors. '' "Oh, yes, I do; I often rejoice that, within public recollection, none of them ever got hanged." This signature is on every box of the genuine Laxative BromoQuinine Tweu the remedy that cure m cold in one day Too Much Criticism. "I hear your husband is ill, Mrs. Jones." "Yes'um." "Nothing serious or critical, I hope?" "Critical? I should say he were. He ain't satisfied with nothin" .he ain't." His Impression. "Mandy," said Farmer Corntossel, "I guess it would be just as well not to say so much about nome cooKin when you are talkin' up your summer board. ". "Why not?." " 'Cause some of these fellers act, to me, like that was what they was tryin' to get away from. VIVA Permanentlv Cared. No tits or nflnrousDee- I I W after first day Vureof Dr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer. Send for FREE 84.00 trial bottle and treat ise. ia.B.li.Jil.iNB.jta..s3i Arcnsc.i'nuaaeipxua.x's Simple When You Know. "I was up in the mill district today. Frightfully noisy up there. " "That's right. I've got a friend who lives up there. He can't hear himself tjlk in his house." "My! Boiler shop next door?" "So, He's deaf and dumb." No Disappointment "Isn't your new house taking long er to build than you expected? "Oh, no, I've only spent twice as much on it, so far, as I anticipated Beware of Ointments for Catarrh That Contain Mercnry, As mercury will surely destroy the sense of smell and completely derange tbe whole sys tem when entering it through the mucous sur faces, ouch articles should never be used ex cept on prescriptions from reputable physi cians, as the damage they will do is ten fold to ine good you can possmiy aerive lrom them Hall's Catarrh Cure, manufactured bv F. J Cheney & Co.. Toledo. O.. contains no mercury, and is taken internally, acting directly upon tbe blood and mucous surfaces of the system. In buying Hall's Catarrh Cure be sure you get the genuine. It is taken internally, and made in Toledo, Ohio, by F. J. Cheney t Co. Testi monials free. Sold by Druggists, price 75c per bottle. Hall's Family Pills are the ben. Disproved. "He can't be a good business man. Why, he is a college professor.", . "But he has married the daughter of a millionaire." Pref-red Them at Rest. "You want the pockets to run up and down, I suppose," said the tailor. "No, sir," the irritable customer replied. "I prefer stationary pock ets. You may make the slits perpen dicular, however." CASTOR I A For Infants and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought Bears the Signature The Literal Mind. "Tommy, how many wars has United States been engagedi n?" "Five, sir." "Enumerate them." "One, two, three, four, five." the Why a Play Is Like a Cigar. Henry J. Byron, one of the wit tiest of English playwrights .of a score of years ago, remarked on one aoji occasion : "A play is like a cigar. If it's good, everybody wants a box. If it's bad, all the puffing in the world won't make it go." Everybody knows that Mer cury is a danger- miA mrlieine even when administered in very email doses, and few constitutions can stand it for any length: of time. Potash produces inflammation of the stomach and bowels, and a dangerous form of dyspepsia and of tea chronic .diarrhoea follow its use. TCrtw lif flnrrnrs will tell vml if von have rnntflcrinua Blood Poison vou must take firt a nni- nf M-miv. and when vour can't eat, and the gums have a spongy,' unnatural appearance, you are told to stop and a change to Potash is made. When the stomach rebels you are put on Mercury again, and so on ad infinitum, or until the system becomes so thoroughly saturated mth tTioo Tinicnnnna rim era that the most diserustincr sores break out on the body, the bones become diseased, and the muscles and joints are racked with the most torturing pains. Mercury and Potash drive the eruptions and blotches from the - skin, but the virus remains in the blood and the reappearance of the old symptoms and the occasional sore mouth show that the poison is still active, and you can ivt tin-w r rnmrtletplv eradicate it-bv this method of treatment. . - ... when X was about twenty-one Tears or ag-e, or eighteen years ago, I contracted Blood Poison In a 'bad form, and am satisfied that the rapid progress the disease was snaking- would soon have made me a life-lone invalid or ended my life. Ac my system came under the lnfluenoe of S. S. 8., the sores, splotches and pimples gradually disappeared and soon . no evidence of the disease was left. I am now thirty nine years old, and have seen no sig-ns of it during- . the past eighteen years. 8. S. S. does all yon claim for it. , WH. EMEKSON; Pevely, Ho. S. S. S. is the only purely vegetable blood purifier known, and we offer fi.ooo for proof that it contains any mineral ingredient whatever. The general health improves as the Specific purges the system of impurities, and as new, rich blood begins to flow in the veins the unsightly sores and other evidences of blood poison disarmear : streneth returns and you are forever rid of this loathsome disease. Our Home Treatment Book on Contagious Blood Poison tells you all about the symptoms, different stages, etc., of this If you need advice or special directions, write our physicians ; tt wiu cost you nothing and may hasten your cure. (If SVf ITU 18 best time to cure Catarrh, UliiEnLU Bronchitis and Conaumntion. CUlliiiSLil Our remedy uaraed, SI. W. H. SMITH I G0.5 Buffalo, N. Y. His One Commission. 'Does your artist friend have many commissions?" "I believe he had one last year. His father-in-law asked him to paint the barn." Successful Mind Reading. 'Reynolds." said the oldest mem - ber of the firm, "how do you spell which?' " "W-h-i-c-h," responded the other. "That's what I thought," reioined the older member, covertly scratch ing a "t" out -of the word he had written. Still Mors Counterfeiting-. Tiie Secret Service lias unearthed another band of counterfeiters and secured a laree quantity of bogus bills, which are so clever er executed that tne average person would never suspect them ot beinsr sDurious. Things of great value are always selected for mutation, notably Hostetter' Stomach Bitters, which has manv imitators but no equals for disoders like indigestion, dys pepsia, constipation nervousness and gen eral debility. Always go to reliable drug gists who fiave the reputation of giving wnat you asK ior. Neccsiities Come First in Texas. . On account of a scarcity of bricks in a Texas town the congregation of the local church allowed their new edifice to remain unfinished while a saloon was being erected. Sfottm thm Cough mnd Workm Off thm Cold. Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets cure a cold in one day. .No cure, No Pay. Price 26 cents. A Straight Tip. Gentleman (caressing a pretty lit tle girl) You little beauty! You shall be my wife when you are grown up. Will you? So, 1 don t want to get married, but aunty there would like to." I do not believe Piso's Cure fur Con sumption has an equal for roughs and colds, John F. Boveb, Trinity Springs, mu., ieo, lo. ihuu. Eminence. "She married a poet, didn't she? And is he successful?" "Oh, yes, remarkably so. Why, his name is a household word on two continents, and last year his income was nearly $300. - Mr. B's Supposition. "Since Spiffins lost his teeth he can't speak distinctly nor eat proper food," remarked Mr. 15 loom he Id. "I suppose he has begun to live on gum drops and speak gum Arabic, added Mr. Pellefield. YOUR HOME AND FENCES. No Man Can Conveniently Go Without Either of These Necessities. You may as well talk about going without , eating as going without fences. If you have a house and home you must have a fence around it. If you have a farm you must mark its boundaries bv fences, , and also shut in the stock with fences. A fence is in many ways as import ant as a man's house. As a commun ity grows the subject of fences assumes more and more prominence. . The success of. the Anchor fence in the United States has been phe nomenal for the chief reason that it combines economy, strength and beauty in a way that instantly ap peals to everybody. In the Eastern states , where it has been known Ion ger, tne lactones mating it are pressed to full capacity. In this state, where it is comparatively new, its widespread adoption seems to be only a question of the agents getting around and showing their wares to the people. There is ample reason for all the talk - going on about the "anchor' fence, as it is solving the great fence problem satisfactorily. It is not only well adapted to ornamental vork, but it is the biggest kind of a blessing to stock raisers and ranchmen gener ally. It is made of heavy wire and the joints are held rivet-tight by -the patent "anchor" clamps. . It does not cost as much as the old-fashioned fences, yet it lasts practically forever. It is worth anyone's while to write to the manufacturers, The Portland Anchor Fence Co., 742, Nicolai Street Portland, Oregon, for catalogue and pictures explaining their wonderful fence. -Alas for Aspirations! Old Gentleamn So you think my daughter loves you, sir, and you wish to marry her? Dudeleigh That's what I called to see you about. Is there any insanity in your family? ; "No sir: and there's not going to be any." these minerals for two Tears or longer teeth eet so sensitive and sore that you , S. S. S. is the only antidote for this de structive virus, and an infallible remedy for this peculiar poison. It destroys and eradicates every particle of the poison, and makes the blood as healthy and pure as betore tne dis- ease was contracteo. disease. We will mail you a copy tree. THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO, ATLANTA, 6A. n rt. ItJM WiKtS nntnt Jul tUSt tAlLS. U Li Best Cough Syrup. Tastes Good. User L -1 In time. Sold by drnreints. fl CHINESE OF PEKIN. I SOLDIER WRITES OF THEIR LIFE AND OCCUPATIONS. They Are Industrious, Working- Hard for Little Pay Lack Tools for Cul tivating tbe Laud Police of the City and Their Characteristics. ' . The subjoined extracts from a pri vate letter from George L. DeForest of this city, who Is a member of Company B lu the Ninth Regiment, will be read with interest: "So yon would like to peek in this sacred city and see what my surround ings are? I think In one of my former letters I gave a short description of the city of Pekin, and perhaps a little gos sip In regard to the people who inhabit It may be acceptable. In the first place, the - rich 'Chinks' wear costly silks, while the poor ones are glad to wear cotton. Numerically in this city the proportion of rich to poor is about one in a thousand, so you can see that cot ton is king .so far as the poor are con cerned, and I am told that, although the soil is very productive, there is hardly enough cotton raised to supply the demand. .. This is due, in great measure, to the lack of tools In culti vating it and poorer machinery for cur ing when harvested, as everything here is done by hand. "The Chinese are the most industrt ous people I ever saw, especially the women. These latter are never idle. They are great gossips, but do not neg lect their work on that account, and it is a common thing to see them chat ting in the narrow alleyways between their houses, but always at ' work, either turning their reels or stitching shoe soles, which find a ready sale, for a Chinaman who went barefoot would be uterly disgraced. Why, even the beggars here wear shoes, although the rest of their apparel may be ever so scanty. Another thing worthy of mention is the fact that nothing is wasted in this land of the 'Chinks.' Grass and all kinds of roots are pulled up, washed and dried, and used for fuel. Scraps of paper and cloth are pasted together to make the insoles of shoes, and bits, of wood are glued together to build up either a post or a board. The woman spinners and straw platers earn 2 tents day. This may seem small pay, but not so when I tell you that I am in formed that $5 a year will clothe a Chinaman and his wife. Such a thing as underwear is not known by them, neither is a garment ever fitted, and a Utiea dressmaker would ; starve to death here. The only measures that are taken are from the hip to the ground. Fashions never change. Take two or three yards of material, sew It together, run a tape through the top, and haul it together, and you have the dress made. The 'Chinks' are very economical, and I guess you will think that they have need to be when I tell you that the unskilled laborers are only paid upon an average of 7 cents a day, Ma sons, carpenters and stonemasons are I the king-pins here in labor circles, re- ceivlng the munificent sum of 25 to 30 cents a day. The work day here be gins at sunrise and lasts- until dark, but notwithstanding all this the labor ers seem contented and happy. So much in regard to tbe people, and now perhaps a few words in regard to the officials of the city, particularly the policemen, may Interest you. In the first place, a Chinese policeman is a wonderful creation; in fact, a cross be tween a circus clown and a football player.-. His breeches are always baggy and heavily wadded; in fact, so clumsy that you wonder how In the world be ever gets around in them. He also' wears a coat which is thick and clumsy and comes well below the knee. Dark- blue Is the general color, which Is set off with facings and bands of light blue, red, green,' maroon and brown, but no yellow Is ever used, for that Is the sacred royal color, and no one but those of high rank are allowed to wear it. Policemen are thicker than huck leberries in this city of Pekin, there being, it Is said, between 15,000 and 20,000 of them within the walled city, This walled city is two miles square iind has two great gates in each wall base, about half a mile from the cor ners, and a mile from each other. The streets are broad and stretch straight from one to the other, making the space Inside into a big nine-block. The police stations are scattered all along the nine squares. The head of the police has charge of all the city gates, they being nine in number. The po licemen never carry any arms, ; not even a stick, but keep swords, spears, guns and cutlasses In racks at the sta tion, and when a signal gun is fired make a rush for the station from which the sound comes and grab the first weapon in sight When on parade or when they have a review, which Is quite often,- is the only time they are armed, especially If they expect any foreign devils to be present. The weapons are funny looking, particular ly a savage looking three-hooked spear, which makes a terrible, jagged wound. "Besides he 20.000 policemen within the -wall, I am informed that Pekin maintains 144,000 more . to regulate matters in the outer city. ,. All these men are untier tne command of one head officer. The officers and the men furnish their own uniforms, but the state furnishes their arms, and' each gets, a monthly allowance of rice in addition to his pay. . The ehfef gets a good salary, but those under him get little pay, depending mostly for what they can squeeze out of the prisoners whom they pull in." TJtlca. Press. WITH AMATEUR ADMIRALS. Routine Duties of Cadets at the A li ma polls Naval Academy. - One of the best conducted naval schools in the world , is that at which the officers of the United States navy receive their training. " It is thorough In every department, and the young man who graduates well up in his class is fitted for almost any station : on board a ship. The record of one day there is the record of an days a strict observance of all the rules of dlacl- pllneVnd thorough Instruction In every detail of naval warfare. The cadet Is aroused from his slum- bers at S o'clock each morning. He Is not permitted to toss bis bedclothes aside as happens to suit his fancy, but must roll back the bed covers in a cer tain way, placing the pillow on top, and be In readiness for the Inspecting ca det Id charge. At 6:35 he falls in rank with his com pany for morning inspection, at which hia clothe mnt ho twnnirhiv brash- 1 ed, shoes well blacked and his general appearance neat Any neglect in this respect is immediately reported, when he soon finds himself on the "pap," re ceiving a number of demerits accord ing to the gravity of the offense. At 7:15 the "middies" march out of the great mess hall and repair to their rooms to put them In perfect order for the daily inspection of cadet quarters. When a cadet Is 111 he may report to the surgeon at sick quarters in answer to sick call, which Is sounded on the bugle at 7:15 in the morning and 7 o'clock In the evening. ' - The bugle sounds the first call to reci tation at 8 o'clock, when the cadets are mustered in sections and marched in a prescribed order to the various recitation-rooms. All during the day these sections or squads may be seen march ing through the extensive grounds of the academy to and from the various buildings of instruction. When the faithful bugler sounds gen eral recall at 12:15 all cadets marching by sections return to' main quarters. where they are allowed fifteen minutes to prepare for dinner. At dinner for mation the drills for the afternoon araJ published, with any other orders re quiring the attention of the battalion. Finishing with these and the necessary alignment, "the middies" are marched by companies Into the mess hall. There they are allowed forty minutes for din ner, when, at the tap of the bell, they must rise and march out At precisely 9:55 "tattoo" rings out clear and distinct over the campus and tells the tired "middy" to get ready for bed. - In five minutes he Is just about crawling under the covers, and as soon as the last resounding note of "taps" nas oecome mauaiDle the lights are turned out by a switch key in the of fice and the future admiral dozes off in to slumberland, to dream of the days to come and the glories of the navy, CHEAP TRAVEL IN DENMARK. Price of Tickets Is Governed by the . Time Consumed on Journeys. Denmark was absolutely the pioneer In cheap railway fares. The fares were reduced all around, so that the longer the distance the greater the reduction. but at the same time the return ticket system was abolished for jourueys within Denmark. One of the greatest boons to business men and holiday-makers Is the so-called fortnightly ticket For third class it costs 22s 3d and for second class 1 15s 6d. Such a ticket entitles the holder to travel all over Denmark for a term of 14 days. He can go wherever he cares to go and as many times over the same route as he may wish within the time paid for namely, fourteen days. A holiday-maker may visit every place of interest In Denmark during that time and if he finds any Dleasnrc In traveling from town to town night and day for the period he can do so. He pays the price of $5.40, with a de posit of $1.37 for the ticket, on which a photograph of the holder is pasted. and at the expiration of the 14 days he returns the ticket and gets the $1.37 deposit back. He can also buy a ticket for a month which costs 50 per cent more, and the longer the time the greater the reduc tion. While a fortnightly ticket costs 5.56, a twelve-month ticket costs $50. If the passenger had to pay for twelve-month ticket at the rate of $5.56 per fortnight It would cost him $133.50. inus tne reauction is over loo per cent. If instead of paying for a fortnightly ticket a traveler went from Eshjerg to Copenhagen and back as often as he could within 14 days and bought or dinary tickets for each trip they would cost mm over $30 and this amount would be doubled 1n a fortnight if he went sightseeing from one place to an other, traveling all over Denmark in easy stages. . Season tickets can also be had for journeys between two towns. Young people under the age of 18 travel for half price. London Express. Ill Usage of the Eyes. Most persons are right or left sighted. We all use one eye the right or left In preierence, wnen looting tnrougn a glass or taking aim with a gun. If we" do-not perceive this ourselves, oculists and opticians remark it. The Ignorance of most people on this subject Is Illus trated by their buying glasses at the j opticians without taking account of any difference between the eyes. Thus only j one of the eyes Is helped, while the other one, being less called into exercise, j becomes less and less useful and loses Its power, as a tool rusts when not in ' use. . Yet both our eyes are needed to see well. It becomes, therefore, highly Important to observe how the child uses its eyes in order to correct those attitudes which tend to Injury of the sight, as well as tbe health. In writing, children rarely fail to give the head an-Inclination by which the eyes are placed at unequal distances from the paper. They are also apt to incline the head too far and acquire the. habit of bringing it too near, as when they try to accommodate themselves to a feeble light Not sufficient attention Is paid to these matters, especially when we consider the consequences Of such hab its m mature age. A large proportion of our defects originate in want of prop er care during childhood. We do wrong to such wonderful tools as our senses, when we do not give them the educa tion they need. It is surprising that parents who are so particular about the way their children hold their spoon or fork pay so little attention to tbe way they use their eyes." ,.-' - I--'.-. " ' - 1 Some men; imagine there is no ac counting for tastes until they are called upon to foot a dressmaker's bill. . When business Is -dull on the rail roads, the brakeman talk about carry ing great quantities, of bulk eggs. The average man gets angry ever? time he is in the wrong and knows it. Wisdom is often nearer stoop than when we soar. when we MISERY OF THE HALL BEDROOM. A Stare la the Life of Manx New York era That Few Becall with Pleasure. The woman who had arrived grew re flective. "I shall never forget my ball bedroom days, 180 In number," she said. "A good deal has been written about tbe hall bedroom of New York, but no pen can tell all Its miseries. I pie spaces of a country home. I took a hall bedroom because it was the only room In the house I could afford. It had in it a cot, covered in day with an Oriental' tapestry; a washstand, a screen, a shelf curtained off with books beneath for clothes; a looking-glass on the wall, with a little stand beneath. two chairs, and a useful piece of furni ture which was writing desk, bookcase and dressing case combined. When my trunk and my typewriter were added to these treasures I could turn around with care, by opening, the door so as to utilize a part of the hall for the purpose. My typewriter knocked out tbe little stand In one round. Could it have sat still it would have stood the burden. But I had to move the stand whenever I wanted to dress, or to get at my trunk, and as I did not remove the typewriter, but simply dragged the stand around, the poor thing quickly collapsed. The landlady looked severe when I told her. When I got another stand I carefully lifted my typewriter off whenever wanted to move the stand, which was a dozen times a day. My dresses were continually falling from the hooks without, the slightest provocation, and I had always to move the screen; and then bring a chair to stand on to hang them up again. The only way "I could get any light or air was to sit by the window; and as my trunk had a stand there, I had perforce to sit on the trunk; and a trunk can be Improved upon as a place of continuous repose. I have sat upon.it for hours, tailor fashion, mending my clothes. when my very soul loathed the needle. It was an acrobatlcal feat to dress in that room in the morning. I never shall forget some of my maddening struggles to get into my clothes in two square feet of space. For six months I never knew how my back hair looked, for it was too dark over by the glass to see. My destructive tendencies came out strong, for I nulled down first the cur tains over my clothes, and then those at the window, pole and all. I had to keep a good many things In my trunk, and whenever I wanted to get at them I had to first remove a mass of books, papers and manuscript from the lid, or else open it and let them slide down behind. I had to sit on my trunk to play my typewriter, because neither of the chairs was high enough." "And so you hate the hall bedroom?" "Well, no; I don't know that I do, That hall bedroom witnessed my first triumph. I got my first check there $20, for a 2,000-word story. When 1 opened the envelope and saw that check I grew faint It was the revulsion after six months of grim, heartrending deter mination. Then I laughed and cried and grew hysterical. Anyone with any experience could have told me that one swallow did not make summer, but to me It was the beginning of success. And so it proved. : I have not lived in a hall bedroom since." , -: "And now?" The woman who had arrived was si lent, and looked straight ahead of her. Then she laughed and rose suddenly. - "I wish I could ever be as happy again as I was when I got that check, she said. New York Sun. HOW HE WAS REDUCED. By Circumstance Over Which He Had No Control. "You must have played some great games of poker in your day," he said to the drummer who had been talking about luck at cards. "Yes, I have, was the reply. "Yes, Bir, I have had some great games.' ' "How large a bet did you ever make, may I ask?" "One hundred thousand plunks." "You don't mean It!" "I certainly do. Yes, sir; I sat in a game in Denver- once and bet $100,000 on my hand and I had only one n,air in it at that" - "What an awful bluff! The others laid down their hands, did they?"' "Oh, ho! One of them called me. He hada full house and of - course I was beaten." "And you you lost $100,000!" - ... "I did. For the fraction of a second a feeling of faintness stole over me. and things looked wizzy wazzy, but then I pulled myself ; together and reached down into my vest pocket and handed him the money, with a smile. "Great Scott T' sighed the querist as he mopped his brow. "Think of losing that much money on a turn" of the cards! I suppose that is why yon were forced to take to the road?" "Well, no. The winner said that such cheek as mine ought to be" rewarded and he returned my money. I'd have been all right, only when I got back to Chicago I put $900,000 with it and bet the whole pile on a horse race and lost by a nose. That reduced my fortune to less than $4,000,000, and so I had t take up this business to eke out my In come. Of course. It's a sad case and I feel iny position keenly, but with per severance and Integrity I hope to pull through in time to be able to pay the cook her wages again. - Have you match, please?" c Nine Years to Walk Through London The largest city of the world Is Lon don, lying in four counties and having a population of 4,250,000, equaling the combined populations or Paris, Berlin, St Petersburg ana Home. To ' walk through all the streets, avenues, lanes and alleys of the city, never traversing the same one twice, would require ten-mile walk every day for nine years. The streets, placed In a row, would reach around the world, and leave remnant that would stretch from Lon don to San Francisco. Ladies' Home Journal. Lovers in Borneo. All the suitors of a girl's hand In Borneo are expected to be generous in their presents to her. These presents are never returned; therefore the wily young lady defers as long as possible a positive selection of tne nappy man When a young man with money tell lies, the people call It "enthusiasm.". FARM MACHINERY B.t possible to bnild. Best material. Best pro- Dortton. Best finish. Llshtest rabninir. Heventy years' experience. MITCIiBM. LS! S'. NTAVKK Cm.. 1st and Taylor S'.s.. Portland, Or. Wholesale Boots and Shoes KRAUSSE & PRINCE, 87 and 89 First Street, Portland, Oregon. All Kinds Carried in Stock. Lacking in Melody. Jones Van Pounder's latest music is bald stuff. Smith Why bald? Jones Because it needs an "air restorer." TO CUBE A COLD IN ONE DAT lake Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All Sraggists refund the money if It fails to core. E. W. Grove's signature is on each box. 25c. Getting Back to Form. "Is your ma well again, Eddie?" "Well, yes'm, but she ain't quite up to .her old form yet. Pa" fought a draw wid her last night." Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth ing Syrup tbe best remedy to use ior their children during the teething period. After the Reconciliation. Dooley Say, Hooley, gin me a punch on th' jaw opposite phwere yez kicked me. Hooley Phat for. Dooley I want yez to straighten out me face. Hence the Term. Clarence Why do you say the wedding was patriotic? Algernon Well, .the bride was red, the grooni was wbite and ner father, who had all the bills to pay, was blue. TOTJ KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TAKING When vou take Grove's Tasteless Chili Tonic, because ttfe formula is plainly printed on every bottle showing that it Is simply Iron and Qui nine In a tasteless form. No Cure, Ne Fay. 50c. For Others. "It sounds funny to hear you talk ing that way. When wc were at col lege you didn't believe in eternal punishment at all." I know, but I didn t have any enemies then." Hoitt's School. At Menlo Park. Sau Mateo Countv. Cat., with its beautiful, aurroundings. - perfect climate. careful supervision, thorough instruction, complete laboratories, and gymnasium, easily maintains its position in the front ranks of scnoois ior noys on tne racinc voasi. jra u. Hoitt, Ph. D., Principal. Fruit Dressings for Shoes. The best dressing for black leather is orange juice. Take a slice or quarter of an orange and rub It thoroughly all over the shoe or boot and allow it to dry. Then brush briskly with soft brush until it shines like a looking glass. A most convenient dressing for tan shoes is the Inside of a banana skin. This is rubbed well and evenly all over the shoe, and removing all spots and dirt as well as giving a fine polish, which last Is brought out by using a flnannel cloth for wiping dry and an other clean flannel for polishing. A slice of lemon is also used as a tat leather dressing. Patent leather must never be blacked or polfehed with any thing but an oiL They are the hardest kind of shoes to keep in good order. It Is necessary to take a clean sponge and clean them from all dirt before apply ing the oil. It may then be rubbed dry at once with a flannel or other soft cloth which will not scratch the patent finish. Commercial Tribune. BEST FOR THE BOWELS V mJLm CANDY CATHARTIC . J CANDY SakciVijetor! CATHARTIC g it I SWEETEN ; IJIJEJTOMA WTuRELY" ; VEGETABLE (ijfoceCwg LIVER TONIC I ftrTbCfLftfifo 4tMs1WBtVBABffaPW sTsWejeTsjWsjslsiWslsVjsfslMjiMslWjslsi" MILD BUT SURE 1 '""bToT'fw Ijjwothers """"cure"" constipation ! TJEVHrsfjLiT; iff DC1VA Dl. will be paid to any reader of this paper who win re 41UU KLTTlU port to us any attempt of substitution, or sale of - - - " something just as good" when Cascarets are called for, ana furnish evidence upon which wo ua convict. All correspondence confidential. AND SUPPLIES. Ensilage Cutter. Best snd only perfect blowercut ter on the market. Bend for circular. Mitchell, Lewis & Stiver Co. Portland, Ore. JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, Foot ot Morrison Street. Can give yon the best bargains in Buggies, Plows, Boilers and Engines. Windmills and Pnmps and General Uuhtnm aaswaimery, See us before baying. Catalogue Furnished Upon Application. SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES. OREGON. PORTLAND. St. Helen's School fop GMa. Thirty-third year. Commodious build ings. Modern equipment. Academic and college nreoaratorv winr anu. cial courses in music and art. Illus trated catalogue. MISS ELEANOR TEBBETTS, Principal. HILL MILITARY ACADEMY, A Private ri School For boarding and day pupils. 0)ns September 18. fine new building. The principal has had twenty-three veara experience in Portland. Cor respondence solicited. For catalogues address J. W. HILL, M. D., P. O. drawer 17, Portland, Or. Repartee. He How do you feel when I beat you at whist? She Not quite so bad as you feel when your friend Jenkins beats you at poker. The Best Prescription tor Materia Chills and Fever is a bottle of Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic. It is simply iron and quinine in a tasteless form. No Cure, No Pay. Price 60c. Her Pride. "Sue had been married three times before she got her present husband, hadn't she." "Yes, and he is such a patriotic man sue cans mm ner glorious Fourth." Two-fold. Sniffs There is more sin in Chi cago than in any otnei city on tne face of the earth. Snuffs I beg to differ. "I defy you to name another with more sin in it." "Cincinnati." The Joys of House Cleaning. Hubby Ah, my dear, you see I have come home from the office an hour earlier than usual ! Wife Oh, you dear, good man! I was just wondering who I could get to take up these carpets ! A Man of Courage. She I didn't suppose you had the nerve to kiss me. He Oh, yes. I have got nerve enough to do anything. Summer . Resolutions TAKE THE Keeley Cure Sure relief fi om liquor, opium and tobacco habits. Send for particulars to Keeley Institute. MoTAdv.t.? A2.0tSd,.,.,",,, k. r. k. 0. e. 33 WHEN wrltdnst ta advertisers meutlon this paper G6IST8. taste good. Eat them like candy. Ther remove any bad taste In the mouth, leav ing' the Bream sweet anu penunreo. xi 13 a pleasure to take them, and they are liked especially by children, sweeten the stomach by cleansing the mouth, throat and tood channel. That means, they stop undigested food from souring in the stomach, prevent gas form ing In the bowels, and kill disease germs or any Kina mai oreea uuu iceu iu me en tire system. are purely vegetable and contain no mer curial or other mineral poison. They con sist of the latest discoveries in medicine, and form a combination of remedies un equaled to make the blood pure and rich n II u uisas wcau omit ai.u wcaubtu. vvua plexlon. tone the stomach and bowels and stir tip the lazy liver. They do not merely soften the stools and cause their discharge, but strengthen the bowels and put them into lively, healthy condition, making their ac tion natural. never grip nor gripe. They act quietly, pos itively and never cause any kind of uncom fortable feeling. Taken regularly they make the liver act regularly and naturally as it should. They keep the sewerage of the body properly moving and keep the system clean. Increase the flow of milk In nursing moth ers. If the mother eats a tablet, it makes . her milk mildly purgative and has a mild but certain effect on the baby. In this way they are the only safe laxative for the nursing infant. taken patiently, persistently, will cure any form of constlDatlon. no matter hnw old or how often other remedies have failed. They are aDsoiuiery guaranteed to cure any case, or purchase money will be cheerfully re funded. ' " .. , cost 10c, 25c, 60c a box. Samples sent free for tbe asking. We publish no testimonials but sell Cascarets on their merit under ab solute guarantee to cure. Buy and try a box to-day, or write us for free samples and booklet. mm srsBLne uner CO., ckiciso m irr Toac Efi5EfcJ ALL DRU