WOOD SCENTS
Oh! the pennyroyal scent.
And the broken sassafras,
And the snappy pawpaw blent
With the mint of the morass!
You can have your smell of roses
In the city garden closes;
But for me well, thanks, I'll take
Perfumes with the country Jake.-
Ah, this good-woody smell
Draws me back to boyhood days.
When I used to dream and dwell
Where the misty meadows haze
Fashioned mighty towers and castles
And the bees were all my vassals.
Bringing honey for my mouth,
With the savor of the south!
Let me stay here, let me He
Here along the forest edge.
Not a wall to shut the sky
From my vision, nor a ledge
Save the cliffs of yonder river
Where the willows wave and quiver;
Let me smell the woods and make
B'lieve I'm still a country Jake.
St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
CjolMOTHY DOLE, or "Old Tim
H twi" as he was called by his
associates, was a great and pow
erful blacksmith In a quiet little village
among the Berkshire Hills.
Tim was an honest, hard working,
kind-hearted' man, and a great favorite
with all the country people for milea
around. In spite of his being morbidly
superstitious and a firm believer In spir
it rapping, haunted houses ana gnosis.
Tim's dearest friend, farmer John
Davis, or "Honest John," as he was
everywhere known, was always chiding
Timothy about his belief, or, as John
would put It, his "foolishness."
Still, whenever they had an hour to
spare, they were sure to get together,
and the talk always turned to "ghosts"
and "spirit rappings."
All through the winter months they
were much together. It was Tlm'B de
light to close his shop early and drive
to his friend's bouse and spend the long,
wintry evenings by the fire in the farm
house kitchen, expounding his favorite
views on spiritualism.
Although John Davis professed to be
an unbeliever in spiritualism, and was
known as "Honest John," be could
vouch for more bloodcurdling ghost
stories and thrilling adventures than
any other man about the country; and
Tim was an earnest listener.
One of their most horrible tales, hor
rible for a "true story," was about a
haunted house, of course, haunted by
a headless ghost The old house still
stood In the neighborhood, but no living
being could occupy it, for whenever the
housewife attempted to prepare the
morning meal there always appeared
beside the kitchen stove a man without
a head,- but with a scarred and bloody
neck. It was most horrible! There was
only one cause for such a ghost mur
der. '
Years ago, the story ran, a terrible
crime had been committed there; a most
brutal murder it was, too. A simple,
honest peddler, who merely sought a
night's repose beneath that humble
roof, had been beheaded with an ax
while awaiting his breakfast.- Then the
fiend who did the awful deed escaped
by stealing a horse from the barn be
hind the house.
The years bad come and gone, and
the murderer had not been found, and
to this very day no one bad, yet been
able to live in that house, or even, use
the barn. The horses stabled In that
barn, no matter how securely fastened.
would become untied during the night
by some mysterious hand, and scamper
.wildly away, even when strong ropes or
heavy Iron chains were used. - ,
John Davis had never fastened a
horse there himself, but his father, who
had been a very religious and just man,
had often tried to do so, in years gone
by, without avail. .
Even John's own mother, who had
been a noble Christian woman, had
actually seen the headless man sitting
beside the ore in that old haunted
house upon two different occasions, and
although John said he did not believe
the tale himself, he always added, when
telling it-
"And father's word was as good as
Bible - truth," and "Everybody knew
that mother could not lie!"
And Tim believed It all, and would
hardly have ventured home at night Jf
he had not had his horse with him .to
keep him company.
Now It happened that as these two old
men would often meet and tell their
tales, they sometimes had a listener, a
young man who loved humor, and occa
sionally dropped in to hear their stories.
His name was George Cowee. He was
a slender youth with much learning and
refinement.' He was a nephew of Dea
con Cowee, a wealthy farmer living a
short distance from tne Davis place,
He always agreed with Tim, but he
had no more faith In "Tim's views'
than John himself, but he liked Tim,
and he liked to hear him talk. It was
very amusing.
The night before Christmas he hap
pened into John's kitchen, and there he
found T!m who, as usual, was telling
aDouc - tne ueau coming Dack" and
. "communicating with their friends by
rapping on tin pans," and as usual John
loudly declared It was all "bosh" and
"nonsense.
Tim had Just been down to the dtv
where he had attended a full-fledged
spiritual meeting, and he was stronger
In his belief than ever, and had many
wonaeriui tmngs to relate.
When George Cowee arose to go that
night be said to tnem:
"I am going away to-morrow out
West! Then he added mischievously,
slyly winking at John, "Tim, if I am
uiiiea oeiore 1 return i will let you
know It through the spirit. I will rap
on the headboard of your bed at night.
Spirits are always around at night, and
I shall rap very softly at first, then
louder than a bass drum, so that you
' will know that it is I, George Cowee,
and no matter what it is, . you must
hasten here to John's house and tell
him. I am sure that if he believes it
he will at once be converted to your
views." --- .
Just then an old clock upon the kitch
en shelf struck ten, and the young man
added: - .
"Ah, John, that you may also know
CIVIL WAR HERO GONE.
DANIEL &UTTERFIELP
The recent death of Gen, Daniel Butterfield at his country home in New York
takes from the muster rolls of the Civil War almost the last of the surviving
general officers of the volunteer army. He was never : a soldier of surpassing
genius or achievements, but his patriotism was unquestioned and his services to
his country were important and long continued. From the time when, as Colonel
of a New York regiment, he volunteered to drill the home guard organized for
the defense of the national capital until the final surrender of Lee, he was al
most continuously in active service, taking part in twenty-eight battles,, being
twice severely wonnded, and three times breveted for bravery. When the war
was over Gen. Butterfield held commission as a Major General of volunteers,
and also held a brevet of the same rank in the regular army. Though he rer.
tired from the army in 1869 to take up large responsibilities in civil life, he never
lost his strong patriotism and his military spirit. When the' Spanish-American
war broke out he strongly- urged upon the Secretary of War the advisability of
calling out the members of the Grand Army post to which he belonged, the mem
bers of which were ready to fight again for the country they had once de
fended. Though not a graduate of West Point, he was by instinct and training
a soldier, and his body was buried In the national cemetery - on the Hudson,
where sleep so many gallant soldiers.
that I have passed away, I will ring
that clock. I will ring it for an hour,
and wake you and your wife up and
keep you awake the whole time."
George Cowee was only jesting, and he
smiled as he bade the old men good-by.
The next day he went West
Weeks and months went by, and
nothing was heard from him.
It was now the beginning of May.
As there was much horseshoeing to
be done in the springtime, Tim was
kept very busy. , John Davis was also
hard at' work. On Tuesday, May 4,
John had plowed all day, and when
.night came he was unusually tired, and
went early to bed. . . -
In the middle of the night he and his
wife were awakened by the striking of
the clock in the kitchen. They thought
it was 12 o'clock, but the clock did not
stop when It had struck twelve, but
struck on and on.
What In thunder alls that clock?"
he exclaimed, and he got up and went
into the kitchen. He shook the - old
clock, but it would not stop ringing.
He took it down from the shelf and
laid It on Its back upon the kitchen (
table, "but he Could not stop it from
striking. It rang fully an hour, until
John was tempted to throw it out into
the yard; then It ceased as suddenly
as It began, and was as quiet as a
mouse.
"The old clock is worn out!" - John
said. "I must get another one," and
he returned to his bed and slept
It was hardly daylight when he
heard a team driving into his yard.
Going to the door he beheld his old
friend Tim. Tim was ail excitement
and his voice trembled as be called out
to John from his buggy: '
Did your clock ring in the night
last night?" .
"Well yes," John answered; "but
how did you know that?"
Tim cried:
"Don't you remember George Cowee,
and what he told us- about his spirit
manifesting itself to us? If you don't
I do, and I am sure George Cowee is
dead!" - . ' -' -
Nonsense!" John cried; "the young
rascal Is probably alive and kicking!"
. "Nonsense or no nonsense," Tim said,
"I believe he Is dead, for all night I
could not sleep. About 12 o'clock, when
I was thinking about the spirits, there
came a rap upon the headboard of my
bed, faintly at first and then when I
asked. If it was George Co wee's spirit
such a thumping and bumping ; you
never heard. It was louder than a bass
drum. As soon as daylight I made
haste to come to you." '
-"Ha, na, ha!"' laugned Jonn; "you
had the nightmare, sure enough," he
said. But Tim sadly shook his head.
He knew it was the "spirits." -
"Come down to my shop this after
noon, and we will talk about it," Tim
said as he drove away.
That afternoon John went down to
the shop. : " ' i -
"Not because I want to talk about
ghosts," he said, "but to have Tim put
a new shoe on my mare.
As Tim worked on the mare's foot
they fell to talking, and naturally the
conversation drifted to the . strange
events of the previous night
Before they had finished talking
about tne rappings on Tim s head
board Mr. Maxon, the station agent
came Into the shop, and he held in his
hand a folded paper. : .
' I saw your wagon out here, Mr.
Davis,,r he said, "and I thought if you
were going right home I could get you
to deliver this message that has just
come for Deacon Cowee."
"Certainly I wjll deliver it," John an
swered, and the agent handed him the
paper and departed,
As soon as he was out of the shop
both old men drew near each other and
looked at the . telegram addressed to
Deacon Cowee, and this Is what it read:
"Denver, Col., May 5.
"Your nephew, George Cowee, was
killed In a railroad accident here last
; night."
-
Both old men stared into the fire-
silent, sad, thoughtful. Waverley.
AN ECCENTRIC MILLIONAIRE.
Jacob 8k Roarers, Fanoii Locomotive
Bnllder, a H -at Victim.
Jacob S. Rogers, who succumbed to
the intense heat In New York during
the hot weather, was the richest man
in New Jersey and was perhaps the
most eccentric millionaire New York
has known. He was born in 1824, and
In 1856 - succeeded to the locomotive
business his father, -Thomas Sogers,
had built up in Paterson, N. J., after
having constructed the first locomotive
made. In America.
In 1891 Jacob S. Rogers retired, leav
Ing the management of the works to
R. S. Hughes. - Hughes died two years
ago, and then . Mr. Rogers astonished
the world and Paterson In particula:
by announcing that he would close the
Rogers Locomotive Works when out
standing contracts were filled. Remon
strance meetings, were held, and Mr.
Rogers was asked to reconsider. It was
pointed out to him that he would throw
two thousand men out of employment.
His reply was characateristic.
"I have paid them for their work,
be said, "and I am nnder no obligation
to them. As for Paterson, I care noth
ing.. The works are mine, and I will
close them."
And he did. Then it was proposed to
Mr. Rogers that he should sell ' the
works. His requirements were so great
however, that no offer was made. .
Next Mr. Rogers asked the courts to
name a receiver for the Rogers Loco
motive Works. This was done, and
the receiver sold them for $602,000.
Mr. Rogers said that he had, at that
time, never sold anything but locomo
tives and butter and he told the truth.
He Invested in securities and did not
sell them. If the securities were forced
to a fictitious value, Jacob Rogers paid
no attention. He bought much real es
tate, that has Increased in' value, and
he has never sold.
At Pompton he owned a stock farm
of many "hundred of" acres, where he
raided , blooded cattle, thoroughbred
horses and maintained extensive game
preserves. -' Butter making was his hob
by. He sold the product of his dairy at
40 cents a pound never varying. When
the demand for it grew, he was offered
a larger price. His reply was that but
ter such as he made was worth 40 cents
a pound and no more. " , r ;' .'" .
He never married, and his only rela
tives are nephews and nieces. ' To these
he leaves $250,000. together with two
$1,000 annuities. Tbe balance of his es
tate, estimated at $8,000,000, though it
may far exceed this, he bequeaths as
an - endowment to the Metropolitan
Museum of Art of New York. The will,
it is believed, will be contested by dis
satisfied heirs. -.,"
. Austria Has No Colonies.
Austria is tne only empire in tbe
world which has never had colonies, or
even transmarine possessions.
What has become of the old-fashioned
cook who thought that anything
less than ten layers in a cake indicated
laziness? ' .
. Men don't get on tbe limb of a tree
and cut the limb off every day but
they do things equally as foolish.
COULDN'T FOOL COUNTRYMEN.
Trail Chicago Greta Into a Scrape
from Politeneaa.
One young man in Chicago found him
self In a very embarrassing position
during Grand Army encampment week
because of the fear of some of the vis
itors from the country who thronged
the city." The newspapers bad pub
lished columns of warnings to the peo
ple from the country against the smooth
tricksters who swarmed the city, wait
ing to lead the strangers to the tunnels
to see the "explosion," or something of
the kind, and to relieve tbem of their
ready cash when they reached the first
dark alley.
Herbert' McCuIla, who travels for a
well-known Chicago gas lamp company,
had Just returned to this city over the
Chicago and Northwestern Railroad,
and was walking south on 5th avenue
to go to his home on the West Side on
West Madison street car. As he
neared Randolph street-he' encountered
two gray-haired veterans from the
country, and overheard one of them
advise the other to go to the policeman
on the next corner and ask where the
Briggs House was. - McCulla knew
very well Where the hotel was situated,
and, stepping up to the strangers, he
said:
"The Briggs House is just around the
corner on Randolph street Come
along, I'm going right past It and will
point It out to you and save you the
trouble of looking for a policeman."
Get along with you," said one of the
strangers. : "We're onto you confidence
men. We've read of you in the papers."
Tbe accommodating Oblcagoan laugh
ed and started to leave the strangers,
but just at that time a blue-coated offi
cer appeared around the corner and one
of the strangers rushed up to him and
reported that the man with the valise
was a confidence man and had just
tried to entice them to go with him so
that he could rob tbem.
The policeman rushed after McCulla
and grabbed him by the collar, demand
ing him to explain why he had tried to
lead the two strangers with him. The
drummer explained to the officer that
he had merely voluntered to direct the
strangers to their hotel and explained
who he was and what firm Jie worked
for. Tbe policeman was skeptical and
would not believe him, and asked him
to show evidence of bis identification
as a traveling salesman. - McCulla put
his hand in his pocket to get a card or
a letter, but discovered that he did not
have a paper of any description in his
pocket by which he could prove his
statements, and to keep from going to
the station he was forced to open his
valise on the street and produce letters
from bis firm and show his samples,
after which the officer apologized and
released him. Chicago Chronicle.
" - A Vague Reminiscenc.
Though it happened in one of De
troit's swell hotels, neither of the prin
cipals belongs here. He had just seat
ed himself at the dinner table, when
she and another lady came in with
the usual flourish of. handsome and
well-dressed women.
He turned a shade or' two paler. ' Af
ter conning her menu she looked across
the table,. and her face took on a puz
zled expression. When their eyes met
during the1 meal each pretended to be
studying the tablecloth or the opposite
wall. He left first, and she watched
through the doors.
"Amie," she said to . her companion,
f certainly know that man, but I can't
'for the life of me place him. I think
he knew me, too, but I couldn't bow
to him unless I were sure, could I?
You know, that I never snub any
one, v ' :
He wandered into the parlor later
while the women were there, looked a
little too fierce for congeniality, and
got away as soon as he could. She
again gave out the conviction that she
knew him, and wondered where it was
and who he could be. .
"Never mind," said the companion;
"he's nothing to us. Forget him." . . '
"Oh, foolish, it isn't that, but you
know how It is when your memory be
trays you, and I don t want him to
think me rude. But hubby will be here
to-night, and I'll have him find out all
fibout it." . V
tiair an Hour later she smothered a
scream and rushed imploringly at the
other woman. ' "For . heaven's sake,
Anile, don't you say a word to my hub
by about that fellow. It Just came to
me. -
"Well?" , ' ' ' - ' '.
"He was my first husband in Chica
go." Detroit Free Press. .- . .
r- Did China Have a Noah?
A London paper has discovered a Chi
nese picture that represents or is sup
posed to represent Noah's ark resting
on the top of Monnt Ararat. The picture
is of great antiquity. As Is well known,
the religious literature of almost every
nation and race contains an account of
a deluge, but a Chinese manuscript,
recently unearthed, follows very close
ly the story as recorded In the Bible.
It is particularly Interesting In that
the roof of the Chinese ark is of the
gable variety associated with the
Noah's arks which prove such enter
taining toys for our youngsters. The
Chinese picture, however, shows a
double-storied vessel, and, so far from
there being only one window in the
roof, there are windows in every possi
ble space.
Economic Valne of Birds.
It Is averred that the destruction of
birds In France has produced disas
trous effects upon agriculture, horticul
ture and the grape industry. In the De
partment of Herault alone, it has been
calculated,. the destruction of birds ac
customed to feed upon insects costs a
loss of more than 2,000,000 gallons of
wine every year. ; Some birds consume
about 600 insects each day, and a sin
gle insect-eating species, Mons. Levat
estimates, may be the means of saving
3,200 grains of wheat and 1,150 grapes
per day.
: A Curiosity of Nature.
A pine tree and a birch tree have
grown so close together in Woolwich,
Me., that one trunk serves for both,
sending forth pine branches on one side
and birch on the other. The union
seems a happy one, in spite of the fac
that the two trees are as widely se:.
arated by tbe botanists as two well -be.
and the gnarled bram-hps oi
'ne embrace the tii-ch In a m:;t .
i u:i 'e manner.
THIS WOMAN
KEPT A SECRET.
Raw
Eke' - Married aad Apparently
Happy that Ehe Didn't Tell.
Judge John H. Baker of tbe United
States District Court at Indianapolis
was in his private office the other day
when a well-dressed woman, hardly
more than 20, knocked at the door, and
In response to his invitation walked
Into tbe room and approached his desk.
"I want to thank you," she said In a
low, musical voice, "for having sent me
to the reformatory and also for secur
ing my pardon. I am now married and
happy, and I owe It to you for having
placed me where I would no longer be
under evil influences." -
The Judge recognized tbe woman
and spoke in words of praise of her
conduct In the prison and congratulat
ed heron her better surroundings. Then,
as if recollecting something, he asked:
"Now that you have been released
from the reformatory, are you not
ready to tell who gave you tbe counter
feit money?"
The young woman seemed thoughtful
for a moment and then, shaking her
head slowly, replied:
"Ob, I don't have to tell you now."-
Judge Baker recognized his visitor
as a young woman who was brought
before him five years ago on a charge
of passing counterfeit money. She was
then about 15, and neither the court
uor the district attorney was disposed
to prosecute her very vigorously, but
they were anxious to learn from whom
she received the money, that the maker
could be punished. Two men were un
der suspicion, but the Government had
no evidence that would justify arrests.
The girl was asked from whom she
received the counterfeits, but she re
mained silent, and no amount of coax
ing could get the Information from her.
Finally the Judge told her he would
send her to the reformatory till she was
of age unless she told the name of the
person from whom she got the money,
but would release her if she would tell.
The girl kept silent and was sent out
to the reformatory to spend the night
the court hoping that a sight of the in
stitution and the prospect of spending
six years there would cause her to
name her confederate. When shewas
called before him the next morning she
was as obdurate as ever, and he passed
sentence upon her.
GROWTH OF OUR LARGE CITIES.
Thirtj-elicht In Thi Conntry with
Population of 100,000 or Jf ore.
The census bureau has Issued a bulle
tin, prepared under direction of Will
iam C. Hunt which gives the popula
tion of tbe Incorporated cities, towns,
villages and boroughs separate from
the population of the townships, pre
cincts, districts, etc., of which they
form a part . This bulletin places the
total number of incorporated places in
the United States in, 1900 at 10,002, as
againsj 7.578 in 1890.
Speaking of the growth of the large
cities the bulletin says: If cities with
a population of 100,000 or more are
taken to represent the large cities of
the country there are 38 such cities in
1900, as compared with 28 in 1890.
Of the 38 large cities in 1900 three
contain upward of a million inhab
ltants, the same as in 1890, while
for cities having between 500,000
and 1,000,000 inhabitants those in 1900
number three, as against one only in
1890. There are no cities in 1900 con
taining between 400,000 and 500,000 in
habitants, but -at the census of 1890
there were three cities of this class. On
the other hand, there are five cities in
1900 with a -population of between
300,000 and 400,000, but In 1890 there
were, no cities coming .between these
limits of population. The cities having
between 200,000 and 300,000 inhabitants
numbered eight in 1900 as against nine
in 1890, while for cities of from 100,000
to 200,000 inhabitants there were 19 in
1900 as compared with 12 in 1890.
Pittsburg is in the class with a popula
tion of 300,000 and under 400,000, and
is outranked in this class by Cleveland,
Buffalo, San Francisco and Cincinnati.
Some Florida Rivers.
In Florida one may have another odd
experience; a river 'ride In an ox-cart,
Florida rivers are usually shallow, and
when the water is high you can travel
for miles across country behind oxen.
with more or less river under you all
the way. There are ancient jokes about
Florida steamboats that travel on
heavy dews, and use spades for pad
dlewheels. .
; But those of you who have been on
Its rivers know there Is but one Florida,
with its bearded oaks and - fronded
palms; its dusky woods, carpeted with
glassy waters; its cypress bays, where
lonely cranes pose, silently thoughtful
(of Stray polllwogs); and Its birds of
wondrous plumage that rise with star
tled splash when the noiseless canoe
glides down upon their haunts. '
. Every strange fowl and every hideous
reptile, every singular plant and every
tangled jungle, will tell the American
boy how far he Is to the south. Florida
is, in fact his corner of the tropics
and ; the clear waters of its rivers,
stained to brown and wine-color with
the juices of a tropical vegetation, will
tell him, If he reads nature's book, how
different the sandy soil of the South is
from the yellow mold of the great West
ern plains. St Jflcholas.
Largest City .South of the Line.
Ten census returns for the metropoli
tan district of Sydney, N. S. W., show
that during the past ten years Its pop
ulation has Increased by a little over
100,000 persons. The total is now 386,
859,of whom 197,227 are males 189,632
females. .Sydney now ranks as one of
the large cities of the world. It Is the
largest,, city south of the line. : The
United' States only contains six larger
cities. New York Commercial Adver
tiser. " " - - - --J :
Beaver a Nuisance in Colorado.
Beaver have become so numerous in
the southern part of Colorado that the
ranchmen want them killed off to save
their property.
When a man has nothing ; to do,
nobody wants him around. Ever no
tice how a business man scowls when
an idle man comes In, to occupy his
chairs, and "talk?" :.V-
The greatest distinction to a sick
woman is when her doctor accompanies
her when she goes out on her first
drive. -..
LET DS ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
Pleasant ' Incident Occurrlne; the
World Over Baying; that Are Cheer
ful to Old or Young Funny Selec
tion that Tom Will Enjoy. "
"Did you have a good time on the
Fourth r
"Never enjoyed anything so well in
my life. . You know that mean old
hunks that wakes me up so often at
daybreak by running his lawn mower?"
"Yes.",
"Well, the night before the Fourth
I got all tbe boys in my neighborhood
to agree to shoot firecrackers in front
of his house from midnight till 7 o'clock
and then I went out into the conn
try." Chicago Tribune.
Bat Not Her Face.
Gussie Gush Do you know I paint?
Willie Softleigh Aw weally. Miss
Gush, I nevab noticed it Ohio Stale
Journal.
A Stransre Reduction.
He (reading notice) I shouldn't have
thought it. The King. -
Hustling Household.
careful Housekeeper Bridget yon
may get all the preserves we canned
last year, and boll them up again,
am afraid they have begun to work.
Bridget Like enough, mum, like
enough. Everything 'round this house
has to. Harlem Life.
After the Reconciliation.
Dooley -Say, Hooley, gin me a punch
on th jaw opposite phwere yez kicked
me. -
Hooley Phat for?"
Dooley I want yez to straighten out
me face. Baltimore World. -
A Willing Youth.
"You say that you don't care for the
salary, so -long as you can get a chance
to work?" said the billionaire.
."That's, the idea," answered the youth
with the sharp nose and chin. "I'm
willing to start right in at a big reduc
tion and take one of those $25,000 posi
tions you say are so bard to fill at half
the money." Washington Star.
Tactful.
Mrs. Nosepoke John, don't you think
If s about time for us to call on our new
neighbors?
Husband Why they only moved in
this morning.
Mrs. Nosepoke O, I know, but all
their stuff will be downstairs and I can
see it better. Ohio State Journal.
The Terrible Infant.
Host So sorry you have to be going.
Guest Indeed, I am, too. By the
way, I'm not sure about my train. It's
nine-something, but
Host's Eldest It's 9:32. Pa said he
hoped you'd, take that one. Philadel
phia Record.
A French Duel.
"Sir, I shall be, at 8 o'clock to-morrow
morning, at the Bois de Boulogne with
my seconds-!"
"Sir, you will find that I am not easily
frightened! I shall be at the same hour
to-morrow, with my seconds, at the
Bois de Yincennes!" " .
Defined.
"Say, pop, I've got to write a compo
sition on hope. What is hope, any
way?"
"Hope, my boy, is the joyous expecta
tion of being able to dodge our just
deserts." Life.
What Hurt Him.
"I shall sue him for libel," said the
man who is making large sums of mon
ey out of the credulity of the masses.
"For what?"
"He called me a common swindler.
It's pretty hard for a man who has
worked as hard as I have to be original
to be referred to as 'common. " Wash
ington Star.
Voluminous.
Boder Bryght's new work will be In
four valumes.
Boggs Four? The man Is foolish to
attempt to float a novel of that size.
Boder But the public would be sus
picious if be made it any shorter. You
know the book is to be called "A Chi
cago Woman's Love Letters." Judge.
Trne Resignation. '
The Spinster (an invalid) Is it really
true that marriages are made In heav
en? . . r " : --
The Parson Yes, I believe so. :
The Spinster (resignedly) Oh, then
I'll tell the doctor be needn't call again.
Chicago News. ; ,
- A Lib.L
' Ascum He said be saw you in a store
the other day looking at trousers. -
Cholly Twousers! The ideal' Why,
l never took at anything but twouser-
ings. Twousers are all ready-made, ye
know. Philadelphia Press.
f 7 i
A Good Bonner.
"Aalnt you most afraid to have John
go to war? You know these far-ahoot-
in' guns will hit a man a mile an' a half
away every time."
"There ain't no bullet that'll catch
John If he grits a mile an' a half start"
Cleveland Plain Dealer. "
Quite Likely.
Tbe Chronic Dlscusslonlst (truculent
ly) If Andrew Jackson were alive to
day what would be his sentiments in
this matter?
The Sober-MInded Citizen (wearily)
He would be glad he was dead, I pre
sume. Puck.
The Two Perio la.
After all," said the Old Codger, in
his usual dry way, "I kinder think that,
Instead of there beln' seven ages of
man, as Sbakspeare contended, there
are only two before he is married and
afterward. During the first period he
puts In tbe most of his time trying to
make tbe lady think he Is a devil of a
feller, and during the second he spends
still more of It in endeavorin' to con
vince her that he ain't" Puck.
Proof Positive.
Singleton Do you believe it is possi
ble for one person to hypnotize anoth
er? Wederly Never met my wife, did
you?
Singleton Why, no. I nev
Wederly (Interrupting) So I thought
Othrewlse you wouldn't have asked me
such a fool question. Chicago News.
The Modern Way.
K nicker Was Jones' new book a suc
cess?
Bocker No, It only reached tbe two
hundred and fiftieth edition before it
was printed, so. the publishers didn't
think It worth while to get It out-
Judge.
In Bo ton.
It Is true he is young, handsome and
well to do, but the only question, my
child, concerns the heart Do you love
him?"
"I will be frank with you, mamma,
never could love a man, no matter
how attractive externally, who says
'all during.' "Chicago Tribune.
Satiafie t.
"Why, yes, your flat is cozy," said
the visitor, "but how do you ever man
age to live In it? It looks to me as if
there wasn't room enough to swing a
cat here"
We haven't any cat" explained the
tenant Somerville Journal.
Latest in Kquine Millinery.
Neigh,
A Little Person)'.
Miss Plumpersquat (of lady baseball
nine) I am not going to pitch for this
game!
Lady Manager Why not?
Miss Plumpersquat (lnd'gnant'y)
While I was practicing somebody in the
crowd yelled, "Get onto her curves."
Brooklyn Eagle. '
The End.
'Miss Sharpe Vera," he began, "you
must know why I've been coming here
so much; why I sit here in the parlor
with you night after night and "
"I suppose, Mr. Pinchpenny," Miss
Vera Sharpe interrupted, "It's cheaper
to -do that than to take me out any
where." Philadelphia Press.
A Testimonial.
"Dear Doctor: When I began using
your hair medicine three months ago.
you assured me that my hair would not
trouble me much longer. 1 take pleas
ure In stating that you spoke the truth.
Could you give me the address of a
good wig maker?" Baltimore Ameri
can. Leeou in Arithmetic.
"Now, Tommy," said the teacher, "if
your father had ten one-dollar bills and
your mother asked him for half of
them, how many would he have left?"
"He'd still have the ten," replied the
wise child. Philadelphia Record.
I'ifficultie in the Way.
Wiggles Do you call your kitchen
girl a maid?
Waggles How can we? Her name is
Mrs. Moriarty, and she has eight grown,
up children. Somerville Journal.
Favintr oney. - -Mr.
Hardhead I saved a big pile of
money to-day.
Mrs. H.' That is lovely! How?
Mr. H. Instead of suing a man for
n.V. n . ft,. autajI mA T 1t lilm Iisva 14-
nun,,, . T- un,, - - - ' v- .v.
New York Weekly.
Use of the Automobile.
With the increase of endurance and
the perfection of motive power and me
chancal parts, the automobile has
grown popular. . A crippled beggar In
Paris, who formerly propelled him
self by hand In a cart, recently bougbt
a one-horse power machine and Is now
making money by running errands. A
public service Is to be established in
Honolulu. Routes are being laid out
In Madagascar. The. King of England
Is having a car de luxe built in Paris.
Socialists are to make a propagandist
tour through Pennsylvania In a ma
chine of their own. Emperor William
has been offering cups for contests.
The London and New York fire depart
ments are both using autos, and a self
moving fire engine has been in use for
years In Hartford, Conn. The State
Department of this country has re
quested our consuls abroad to furnish
It with the rules governing the opera
tion of automobiles in foreign cities.
The list of significant things Is almost
endless. World's Work.
A nian soon forgets his faults when
they are known only to himself.
Old Hoss-Part with It?
neigh.