Somewhere in the distant southland Blooms a garden lost to me fiVarm with poppies burning fragrant. Drowsy fires I may not see. 'Subtle shadows flit and beckon Down dim pathways bound with yew, Where a white wraith wanders lonely 'Twixt the darkness and the dew. 'In the mined walls that echoed Once to happy-hearted moods, Now the stealthy, lightfoot lizards Unmolested rear their broods. 'And beneath the oleanders. No clear voice sings, as of old; But the fleet caressing sunbeams Whisper secrets to their mold. "Though I follow as the sonthwind Fares his way through wood and plain. Though I question hill and valley, I shall never find again "My lost garden where lie buried Joys that 'swift the glad hours sped; Only one could bid me enter; Only Love and Love is dead!" Ainslee's. HN the sunshiny room of Mrs. Endl cott there was a buzz of conversa tion and the sound of snipping of scissors, and It was evident that the Embroidery circle of Huxbridge was In conclave. Mandy Nichols occupied the chair by the window, and as she raised her head from the bit of satin on which she was working an Impossible flower, she gave an exclamation. "Here is Mrs. Hemenway," she an nounced, "and the little widow Just passed her in her carriage and bowed to her." "The impudent thing. Did Mrs. Hem enway oh, here she Is," and the host ess arose to greet her guest, who with much rustling of stiff silk entered the room. "So glad you came, dear," cried Mrs. "HELEN BKCKIVED A NOTE." Endicott "But you look rather up set." ' - "That impertinent little minx Just bowed to me as I was entering your gate, Mrs. Endicott" "The idear "Impudent!" "Horrible!" came from the different parts of the room. "But I glared at her," added Mrs. Hemenway, triumphantly. "I saw her talking with the minister last night and I shouldn't wonder but that she will sing in the choir," said one. "If she Joins the choir, then I leave. I won't sit in the same bench with a singer of French songs," said another, the leader of the choir. "And the way she runs after the men," spoke up Mrs. Endicott. "My husband declares she is the brightest little woman in town." "Oh, a man always falls in love with a woman when she is French, a widow and a little mysterious. Mr. Endicott Is not the only man who admires Mrs. Sartorls," ventured Mandy with a look in Mrs. Hemenway's direction. Unfor tunately that woman intercepted the look and ber whole figure set in stiff, rigid lines. And in a short time the circle broke up. Helen Sartorls was a young widow, who, with her 4-years-old child and two maids, had taken up ber residence in Huxbridge some two months since. The good people of the town called upon her and their calls were dutifully re turned, and the widow seemed charm ing . until it was discovered that the men of the town were raving about her. Then the women froze In their manner towards her, and after a few wretched days, filled with snubs and cold glares from her erstwhile friends, the little widow laughed at her persecutors and their snubs and became deeply gracious to the male relatives of these same women. Of course, this was the worst possible course for her to pursue but she wajs a woman. The grounds of Mrs. Hemenway ad joined those of Mrs. Sartorls, so that it was not wonderful that Guy Hemen way should see the widow in her gar den and fall In love with her pretty little self. And Helen, her short mar ried live having been loveless and cold, welcomed the new tender feeling in her heart for Guy Hemenway. ' When Mrs. Hemenway reached home that afternoon she was much excited over the hint she received from Mandy, "I hear Mrs. Sartorls is Joining the Choir, she said. " "Well, she ought to. She has a de lightful voice." -v. "Have you heard her sing?" inquired his mother, sharply. Guy recovered himself. "Yes, often. to her little girl in the garden here." "Ah, you do not know all about that woman. Her poor child! She neglects . her, leaves her to the care of the ser vants while she reads French novels and bleaches her hair. They say she actually beats the child. One might expect cruelty from a person with - green eyes." "Mother.1" broke in the young man. "Oh, men do not believe it Of course not But to think of a woman ill-treat ing a little child " but her son had . left her and the old woman returned to the house. On tba other side of the bushes woman knelt irlts white, sad face, ber "XtTI'OAiOBTrE FOR STREET CAR SERVICE. . ' 1 A'? - trt: ! ' 1 ' Street cars without tracks, cable, trolley, or horses and, most of all, without franchises, soon will be running regularly on the streets of Chicago. The first one of the omnibus automobiles has started on ita regular ronte between Jackson boulevard and Lincoln Park. It is the first automobile in' Chicago to carry forty or more people. The passenger on the "Imperial" may take his choice between two decks. No matter where he goes, the promoters of the omnibus line declare, he will be provided with a seat. The omnibus is thirty feet long. It is equipped with four driving wheels with motor hubs, the tires being of solid rubber. From a beginning with one vehicle and one route the company promises to ex tend its service to carry passengers on a number of routes into the heart of the city. From the moment every seat in an omnibus is taken the vehicle will be come an "express car," say the promoters, and will make no stop on the route until the first passenger reaches his destination. The cabs are to be lighted and heated by electricity and electric push buttons are provided at every seat. The strength of the driving wheels is expectej to enable each omnibus to carry a trailer. Each wheel is a driving unit, the two front wheels being steering wheels as well. The storage battery system will tie used and the vehicles will be charged at the end of each run, which will not average more than four or five miles. - The Hub Motor Transit Company is incorporated for $1,000,000. arms clasped tightly about a small re production of herself in white muslin. The child moved in her arms and the woman's face lost its strained look. The next morning Helen received a note from Mrs. Hemenway asking her to call. At first she was Inclined to re fuse, but instead she waited until late in the day, and then donned her fluf fiest, most frivolous looking frock and entered the Hemenway home In her gayest humor. But the gayety vanish ed when Helen saw how ill Mrs. Hem enway appeared. Her hostess motioned her to a chair and began icily: "I sent for you to ap peal to your honor regarding my son. I " but the rest was never finished, as Mrs. Hemenway swooned, and would have fallen but for Helen's strong young arms. She sent a servant for the doctor, and then did her best for the woman who had insulted her. The physician arrived, and at the same time Guy Hemenway. One glance at the pa tient, and the doctor said bluntly: Small-pox." - Helen went white to the lips, and put her soft hands to her pretty, flower-like face. The maids fled from the room. I am sorry, Mrs. Sartorls," said the doctor, "but I will have to isolate you until I am sure you have not caught the infection." - - The little widow looked at her enemy as she lay helpless, looked at Guy as he tried to take her from the room, and thought of Bebe. It would be easier for you to look after us together," she said, bravely, though her face was still white, "there fore, I shall stay with Mrs. Hemenway If you will promise to look after my little girl" . ; ::.:- And weeks later, when Mrs. Hemen way took her first drive her son held the ribbons, while a little auburn-haired child sat at his side, and Helen, now Mrs. Hemenway, looked after the old er woman's . comfort. PhiladelDhia Item. - - " BIRDS THAT KILL RATTLERS.:" Road Banners of Arizona a Dead It Enemy to the Snakes. iu b rauuiry wnere a quarter or a century ago a rattlesnake was to be found under every rock and in every hillock, the reptile is rapidly becomin? a rarity. With his human relative, the Apache, the rattler Is disappearing from Arizona and is now found only in tne most isolated districts. To the advance of civilization and the unremitting warfare of the road run ner and the king snake may be attrib uted the extermination of the rattler. Wherever Irrigation has found its way. tne rattlesnake lias been driven-, to higher ground, and there the prospect or and miner have slain him whenever and wherever found. The road runner. that long-legged, feathered warrior, the " fighting cock of the desert,, has done his part, and has done it well. -.- I Much resembling, but more lightly constructed than the fighting cock, the road runner is one of the most dreaded enemies of the rattler. In fact, so great are his snake-killing proclivities that heavy penalties are provided by the territorial statutes as a protection to blm from the gun of the hunter. Ap parently immune from the venom in the poison sac of the rattler, the road runner attacks the largest snake with impunity, and has never been known to lose a fight Frequently, Indeed, the road runner has been known to battle with and kill a pair of large diamond rattlers, whose total weight was five times that of his own. Not so common an enemy to . the rattlesnake, but no less deadly, is the king snake, a large species of the bull snake family. Rarely seen in the lower countries, but often found in the North ern forests and higher mountains, the king snake wages constant warfare oh the rattler, and when his great lithe form coils around the body of the rat tlesnake, the life, of the later Is a mat ter of only a few seconds. CHASING AFTER FIRES. . A Mew Wrinkle in the Insurance Bust- .-.-J,' ues Said to Pay Well. . - The latest thing for fire insurance agents to do is to be on the spot look ing for new business while old business is burning up. One of -the canvassers of a New England company began to make money so rapidly a few months ago that some of his competitors tried to find out how he did it They learned that he made a special ty of following the fire engines, and if the fire happened to be in a tenement house or flat, he waited until the flames were subdued and reaped a harvest by insuring the other tenants and neigh- bors. Most people are apt to be so bad ly scared by a fire near their home that if not insured they are glad to take ou: policies on the spot. It didn't take the other agents long to catch on, and it is said that .the other day after a five twenty-one agents wrote seyenty poli cies in the immediate neighborhood. "It ia a great scheme," said one of these agents yesterday. "All one has to do is to bit the Iron while it is hot. Don't talk insurance to any of the ten ants or neighbors while the fire Is go ing on, because they are likely to be too excited to think of anything' but their personal safety. When every thing is quieted down and the fire en gines are going away is the time to Jump - in with your proposition. Of course, none of the larger companies permit agents to get business hi this way, but tbere are countless small un derwriters who never question the source from which an application comes so ..long as the risk is not un usual. This chasing after fires is one of the new wrinkles of the fire insur ance business. A profitable one, too." New York Sun. PHILIP C. SHAFFER. New Imperial Potentate of ths Mystic '- Shrlnera. Philip C. Shaffer, the new Imperial potentate of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, Is a native of Philadelphia. and one of the best known men In that city. He has Just entered . upon ., his. -fifty rflrst year and for more than one half of his life has been a Mason. Up wards of seventeen years ago he Joined the Shrlners, .and for twelve years he officiated in - the post of Oriental Guide of Lu - Lu temple ; In Philadelphia. ,For ' three years he was the potentate of the tem ple, and he was elected to the office of the deputy Imperial potentate at the last meeting of the Shrlners. Mr. Shaf fer, as may be imagined, is one of the most enthusiastic of the Shrlners in the country.- He Is devoted to Isplrit and purpose of this order, and few met have more mystic friends than he has in his home city and throughout the country.'- It was believed from the be ginning 'that' he would be promoted from the second highest to the highest office In the order. Mr. Shaffer Is promi nent in the furniture trade of the city of Philadelphia. r : " A Remarkable Family John Chandler, who resides in Allen County, is the father of twenty-nine children,' twenty-one of whom are liv ing and have families. These twenty one children have an average of five children each family,. thus making Mr., Chandler the grandfather ot 105 persons. ' But this is not the full extent of. bis offspring,, for he has thirty-five greatgrandchildren, so It will be seen that Mr. Chandler stands pater faini- lias of ; 162 an achievement rarely equaled. It is certainly not paralleled when the fact: is considered that the members of this large family are all living. s Mr. Chandler is a remarkable man in several other respects. - Although 75 years of age and residing in the hills of Allen County, he reads current liter ature and keeps himself informed .on the leading topics of the day." His eye sight is perfect, and he reads the finest print without the aid of glasses. He is an expert rifle shot and spends a great deafcof his time squirrel hunting. He cast his first ballot for a Presiden tial candidate In 1848 for Taylor, the Whig nominee, but for the past fifty years has voted the Democratic ticket His wife, who is three .years older than he. is bale and hearty. Bowling Green Times. - ' ".' : ' ' : . Small Beginnings, Big Results. - The Tuskegee Normal and Industrial Institute for colored students 'started in a little shanty with one teacher and thirty students. At present thjre are about 1,100 students and eighty-two in structors.. Starring with no property the institution now owns property val ued at $350,000, Including more than 2,000 acres of land and - forty -eight buildings,- Practically all of the build ings have been erected by the labor of the students themselves. Collier's Weekly. - ' ;'-.! .ii'V';; Cents and Nickela lo Demand. . . According to United. States Treasurer Roberts, cents and nickels are now be ing used to a much greater extent jthan ever before. ... P. C. SHAFFER. RUINED BY MOTHEB. WHY THE NEWELL BOYS TURNED OUT BADLY. Taught by Their Over-Indula;ent Mater that Their 8Ut:ra Should Wait Upon Them Lack of Ambition Bring Bad Luck to the Family. "But, land of love. Miss Percy, didn't they have the same borne and training? Didn't they have the same sweet moth er and upright manly father? . Weren't they surrounded by the same good in fluences? Didn't they have the same godly example? I don't see why the Newell boys all turned out such worth less fellows, while the girls grew into noble women. There's Lucy, now our minister's wife cultivated, sweet-tempered and benevolent Who ever saw a lovelier lady than Alice? And Harriet is all that could be desired. I don't un derstand it, Miss Percy; I declare 1 don't. We all know Bob and Frank Newell are Idle and worthless. How la itr - ', ,;v- "Stop a minute, Mrs. Harrison," . re sponded Miss Percy; "did they have the same training? I know' they were brought up under the same roof, but they were brought up very differently, I assure you. Bob and Frank Newell were good enough to begin with, but their doting mother has ruined them. Why, Mrs. Harrison, those boys used to come into the house and throw their caps and Jackets on the floor for' their mother or sisters to pick up and put away. : r . . . . . "The mother, you know, was a weak. good-natured woman: who worshiped her husband and sons, and was content to slave and pick up for them, believing it was all unselfish devotion. But the girls rebelled poor things. No wonder! Then Mrs. Newell would say, 'Why, Alice!' or 'Why, Lucy! . I'm surprised at you. ; Won't you do that much for your dear brothers? I'm sure It's a mere trifle for them to ask of you.' And poor Lucy or Alice would go back and wait on the boys, thinking they must be selfish things to grudge this constant service. ' ' ' ... "When Harriet was a little thing Mr. Newell died, leaving his large fortune to his wife. They were living in New York then, and Lucy and Alice were young ladles beginning to enjoy life in a large city.: Bob and Frank were not engaged in any business; they couldn't make money, it seemed, though they could spend fast enough. . , "First they tried manufacturing cloth. They rented a mill and hired a superintendent Then they paid brief daily visits to their office from ten till two. The superintendent had entire control of them and the business, and he managed both to bis own profit When manufacturing failed, the boys tried one thing after another, until. finally, they determined to try farming. "Their weak, fond mother, whose faith in her boys seemed to increase with their increasing helplessness, sold her house in New York and came to this remote village to live. Harriet was a child then to be educated. Lucy and Alice were enjoying the pleasures and advantages of New York; . but they were not to be considered for a mo ment Education, pleasure and friend snips must De Droken . on; expenses must be cut down to the lowest penny all to help those precious spendthrift boys, who had yet to make their first sacrifice for either mother or sisters. "They bought old Lemuel White's farm, the best place for miles and miles. - But it was the old story; no body about the place knew anything but themselves, nobody's advice would they take, and everything about the farm was expected to look after itself. They bought all the patent reapers and mowers advertised In the county papers; but wben the time came to use them Bob wanted to go to a fair, and Frank couldn't find the hay hook. When the neighboring farmers were planting corn It was discovered that the new patent corn drill was' out of order, or wouldn't work. Everything about the place went down, except the debts, which rose higher and higher. Bob and Frank cursed their luck and took to drinking; the farm had to be sold at last and poor Mrs. Newell woke up one morning to find herself homeless. "Lucy and Alice went to New York and found employment through former friends of their father. For five years they ' supported their mother; then Lucy married, and soon after ; Alice. Mrs. Newell makes', her. home with Alice, you know, and Harriet supports herself. ; The boys, for whom every one else was sacrificed, can barely earn a living, and are poor, shiftless creatures, who will never rise. - - v "I tell you, Mrs. Harrison, it was the difference hi their training which made the Newell boys and girls differ- The girls : are taught to be unselfish, thoughtful and considerate. 1 The boys were trained to regard their sisters and mother as servants and themselves as superior beings, to whose comfort ev erything must be subservient Natu rally they grew up thinking their ease of more Importance than the rights of other people. '. Their mother ruined them." 1 " ;v : . Y ' - "Well," said Mrs. Harrison, rising slowly, "I shall make my Jack hang up his cap and Jacket when I go home.'J Good Housekeeping. '"i; WHEN THE EYE DOES NOT SEE. New L of Vision Discovered that Ac " counts for Certain Optical Effect. Two series of investigations of far reaching Importance to physiological optics have been completed during the past year In the psychological labora tory of Wesleyan "University at Middle town, Conn., by Prof. Raymond Dodge and students of the university. : The first series definitely established a new law of vision, almost revolution ary In its consequences. It was proven that the eyes, when in motion, can dis tinguish nothing in any complex field of vision over which they sweep. In order to see any object at rest the eye niuBt remain motionless looking at some definite part of it for an appreciable length of time. If the eyes move, they see nothing for about one-twentieth of a second. ' This explains the success of those sleight-of-hand tricks in which rapid movements of the fingers are ab solutely unseen, while the eyes follow the larger morementa of the band. It also explains the' necessity of looking at a relatively fixed point In boxing. fencing, etc ' While the new law will necessitate a reinvestigation of many psychological problems, it has an especially obvious bearing. on the psychology of reading. Four years ago. In collaboration with Prof. Benno Erdmann, then of the Uni versity of Halle, Prussia, Prof. Dodge demonstrated that, contrary to the gen eral impression, the eyes do not move regularly over a page as we read, but make a series of distinct pauses as they sweep along each line of print At that ; time evidence was made which seemed to show that the eyes actually saw the ' words only during these pauses.' That evidence has re cently been called in question by emi nent authorities. The new experiments finally settle the question beyond all doubt, and justify the psychologically. as well as pedagogically, important con clusion that In reading the true unit of stimulation Is not the Individual let ter, but a more or less extended group of letters. The second series was a quantitative study of the eye movements, with par ticular reference to the rapidity of read ing. This series involved the invention of a unique method of measuring the movements of the eye ami the design ing of a considerable amount of new apparatus, by the aid of which the first accurate measurements of the eye movements were affected. These measurements not only show the length, number, and velocity of the movements of the eye during reading, but they also furnish the first exact data for a study of the co-ordination of the eyes and the muscular fatigue of reading. Chicago Tribune. . A Hundred Years Ago. Men conldn't steam across the sea, A hundred years ago. And money wasn't all they thought Worth having here below; , They had no elevators then To hoist them through the air. And yet they thought the poor old guys, That they were wonderful and wise, And that the world was fair. . Men couldn't talk by telephone, A hundred years ago; They sowed and reaped and thrashed by hand. -' .- . , And when the streams were low They had to stop the mills and wait For God's good rain to fall, And yet they proudly went abont With heads held high and chests pushed out. And thought they knew it all. Their battleships were made, of wood, A hundred years ago, And oh, the weak old ways they had ' For laying people low! ' ' They had no lightning trains on which To flit athwart the scene. And yet those poor, benighted men ' Supposed that things were perfect then Alas! but they Were green! . Men had to load each time they shot, A hundred years ago, And then, alas! they had no gas " To light things here below! There were no trolley cars to dodge. No horseless things to tame. And yet, poor fools, they thought that - ' they - Had all the blessings, in their day, : , ' That men might ever claim! .... . ji But they had pessimists around -" A hundred years ago. Who mourned because their sons conld ne'er - ..- - . Obtain a proper show! And they predicted dire things They thought the end was near; They fancied that the devil then Worked overtime in urging men . To start red havoc here. 'If Shabby Earl of Norfolk. As Is well known, the Duke of Nor folk, the premier peer of ' England, whose title dates back to the earliest times and whose wealth Is boundless, is very careless of his personal appear ance.. No one meeting him would take him for other than a very ordinary man i tradesman or mechanic, perhaps. He, by virtue of the security of his title, is the marshal of England and at all royal functions ef a public character acts -as marshal of th day. A well- Known woman or quality naa a house near Arundel, and when she and her family were removing to London the Duke contemplated- buying the place as a house for a' member of his family. One morning Mrs. was in her bed room shortly after breakfast when a servant came up to tell her that a mes senger had called from - the , castle. "Where is he?" she asked. : "Ob! he's in the hall,; ma'am." .. Knowing the Duke's habits of activity in the country ghe felt some- misgivings and hurried downstairs to find the Earl-marshal of England sitting quite patiently on a hall chair with his hat ia his hands. V She overwhelmed him with apologies, of course, but the Duke was most amused and laughingly said that he delighted in an appearance which protected . him from attentions which would make hia life burdensome. :;-In a 8orry Plight. ; A Maine family, whose woodpile has been mysteriously dwindling of nights, decided to fill, one or two tempting big sticks with gunpowder and see if thus they could stop - these depredations. They carried out . these plans and watched for the shingles to rise on the cottages where the suspects lived.'1 The wind rose first, however; and upset the Woodpile, and nov the owners of the wood can't for the life of them : tell which sticks are loaded. In the mean time every time a stick of wood Is put In the stove the whole crowd bolts for the door. Amateur. . "Amateur is from the French aimer, to love, is it not?" "I believe It Is." -., "The Idea being, doubtless, that ama teurs .don't positively hate each other, aa professionals do." Detroit Journal. Germany Population. In the matter of population Germany (55,345,000) ranks after European Rus sia (106,159,000) and the United States 170,300,000). Dream. "Ah, Miss Clarlndl! may 1 dream that 'you will return my love?" - - "You may, but It won't come true!" Life." A real good wife is one who will let ber husband tell a story without inter rupting him. . . , .. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. . Pleasant Incident OccurrinaT the .World Over- Baying that Are Cheer ful to Old or Xounsr Funny Selec , tlona that Everybody Will Knjoy. , An Expensive Luxury. "Yes," said the reformed man to an impecunious friend, "why don't you give np some of your expensive luxu ries?. Now, for Instance, look at me. I gave up smoking about a year ago. I decided I. could do without It Last monjh I made a calculation as to how much I had saved up to date, and It amounted to a considerable sum. I then opened an account in one of the many New York savings banks. and " . "Could you lend me $10 " broke in the other Impetuously. "I'll pay you back ' , "And the bank failed yesterday, Er you haven't such a thing as a cigar about you, have you ?"-.Judge. Benin t Her Back. Nell Do you think that Is all her own hair? Belle No; part of it is her sister. At least I saw her sister buying some just like it Philadelphia Record. Bound to Kick. Sharpson You made $13,000 clear last year, and yet you're complaining of your hard luck) Phlatz Well, blame it look at that "13 !" Chicago Tribune. . The Secret Divulge!. He But you've known her all your life; bow old is she? She I'll tell you, but it's a secret mind. She is just at the age when one doesn't look it! Life. Hia Exalte! Mission. Woman of the House You've been here hair a dozen times and got noth ing. You ought to have learned some thing by this time. What do you keep on coming for - Tuffold Knutt (with impressive dig nity) I ain't no common tramp, ma'am. I'm around studyin' - condi tions. Chicago Tribune. He Raise I Them. Gilders. He's made That's a big pile." Yes, and there was a time when he had to depend on my brother Jack to bring up his children, "Nonsense! When, did that happen?" "Often. The kids used to run In pret? ty frequent to their father's ' office, which was in the buildin' where Jack was elevator man." Philadelphia- Press. Nothing; New. The Hog (with paper) Well! well! Wonders never cease! Human beings are now taking mud baths. The Gobbler (the last of his flock) It Isn't at all uncotnmon for human be ings to make hogs of themselves. Puck. Enter grency Ability. 'Women have no originality no in ventive genius.". . 'Nonsense; I've seen my stenograph er make a memorandum with a hat pin on a cake of soap when sue had no paper handy." Chicago Record-Her ald. Willing to Try Solitaire. Miss Oldley It is too bad that it takes two for a wedding! Meggen- dorfer Blaetter. - ' Hla Pa Kxptaina. - Bobby Pa, when does a man get too old to learn? Father When he gets too old to mar ry, my son. Puck. Of a Certain Kind. "Sfcewjaw- is quite a recluse, isn't be?" '-' "O, yes considered subjectively He plays the clarinet" Chicago Tribune. Lost in the Crowd. . Tess (meeting Jess on the street) What's the matter? .... : Jess I've just lost something, and I can't think just what it is. Tess It wasn't your Jess O! T know now. It was that little Mr. Snipp, who was walking with me.' . . ' ; ' - Tess Then It was; nothing, after all, Philadelphia Press. - . Why He Consented. 'Keeter says his wife is doing her own cooking now." . "That accounts for it. He finally let me write him up a life insurance policy this morning." Philadelphia Press. Only Time They Are. . "Miss Passay says she can never get any shoes to fit her." . v ; "Oh, pshaw ! She just says they don' because she. likes to go to the shoe store and see a young man at her feet." Philadelphia Bulletin. "r .: Hay Millinery. , "Harold, how do you like my new foliage hat?" "Harriet, you must hear the truth you look like a plant stand." Detroit Free Preae. " . -- A Family Exposure. "I never see you lounging in the ham mocks, Mr. Subbs." - "No; - these gay, front-porch, ham mocks are for company and for orna ment; the old rope thing the folks let me swing in is around ia the back yard." , Blow Talker, Perhapa. He I know I'm late, dear. Yon see, was detained a couple of hours by an old friend who Just got back to town after a long absence. 1 bad to tell him all I knew. She (snappishly) I don't see why that should have kept you so long. Philadelphia Press. ' ; -' - ; Well Recommended. Mistress Yon say you are well rec ommended? Maid Indeed, ma'am, I have thirty- nine excellent references. Mistress And you have been in do mestic service. Maid Two years, ma'am. Glasgow Times. Averting; a Sarcaaa. "You seem very self-satisfied to-day," said Miss Cayenne. Yes," answered. Willie Wlshington, but don't let that Influence. Every body says I've got dreadfully . poor taste." Washington Star. fo Sudden. "That Miss Fortysummers ia subject to fainting fits.' "Ia she" "I started to ask her to join me in a glass of soda water the other day, but when I got to the word 'Join she keel ed right over in my arms." Ohio State Journal. Automatic Exertion. Polly What Is It you like so much about croquet Dolly? Dolly Ob. it is such a lonely, restful game; the stupider one feels the better one can play. Oblln-inc "Late again, Jane! You are always. behind time. It's no use talking to you. I shall "have to get another girl." I wish you would, mum. There'd be plenty of work for the two of us!" Punch. Surprised. 'I want you to come around and take a look at that horse you sold .me the other day." 'Good heavens, is that animal still alive?" A Chance for Troub'e, 'Throwing an old shoe after a bride and groom means that all ill-feeling is thus thrown away." 'Yes, but suppose the old shoe should happen to hit the bride." Under Control. The Count Your daughter, madam. says she es paf ectly willing to have me. The Mother Yes. She is very dutiful. Consoling: Penelope I'll just ruin my complex ion going in bathing so much. Perdita I wouldn't care. No one will notice it. Hopeful. He Do you suppose we will ever have enough to get married on? . She Surely. Why, Jack, we don't need a million. A couple of hundred thousand will do to start on. Exasperating Amiability. "Amiable people are often so exas perating." 'Yes; I wonder if that is what makes them feel so amiable." - Not Without Excitement. "You are not addicted to any kind of athletics, are you?" "Athletics? Gracious, man, I earn a good living for a family of seven." - Carried It Too Far. "Nothing that Is produced in this country is ever quite good enough for Mrs.: Willoughby," declared Miss : Frocks. "Everything must be Import ed." : 'That's true,'' added Miss Kittish. "She even carried her prejudice against domestic goods so far as to marry an imported husband." . . Fearch for Knowledge. Jinks Hello! Well, I swan! Study ing a book of etiquette, eh? ' Old Gruff Yep. Jinks Want to learn how to treat folks politely, eh? Old Gruff Naw. Want to find out whether folks are treating me politely. New xorK weeaiy. Criticism. Uncle Josh Didn't the President warn Congress ag'in" bein'- extrava gant? ' Uncle Silas Yes; but he oughtn't to have let 'em know there was so much money in the Treasury. Puck. ' The Rabbit Fired the Gun. "Brer Rabbit" has been outdone in real life, and a. West Virginia rabbit family has a hero. The Incident oc curred In this wise, according to the Chicago Tribune: - Peter Frees and his son Louis went out rabbit-hunting in the woods near Parkersburg, West ' Virginia. " Their dog soon chased a cottontail into a pile of brush, and Louis rushed up to get him out He put his gun on the ground, and taking up a long pole, began to punsh in the brush-pile to dislodge the rabbit ; ? Finally bunny ran out in an unex pected place, straight over the : gun, which was , cocked. His hind foot struck the trigger, sending the charge of shot Into Louis' leg, and some of it into the dog. The boy yelled, the dog howled, and In the midst of the excite ment bunny got away. ; . . . A Figure of Speech. Even when a man says that he is hun gry enough to eat a borse his wife knows that he will find fault in nine cases out of ten, if the dinner isn't all exactly right SomervIIIe Journal. GE3 ' -