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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (July 23, 1901)
Humors They take possession ol the body, and are Lords ol Misrule. They are attended by pimples, bolls, the Itching tetter, salt rheum, and other cu taneous eruptions; by feelings ot weakness, languor, general debility and what not. They cause more Buttering than anything else. Health, Strength, Peace and Pleasure require their expulsion, and this Is posi tively effected, according to thousands of grateful testimonials, by Hood's Sarsaparilla Which radically and permanently drives them out and builds up the whole system. Signs of Spring. "Have you heard a robin yet?". "No, but I've seen a woman with her head tied up in a towel beating a carpet in the back yard." Stop thm Cough mini WorM OH thm OoM. Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets cure a cold In one day. .00 cure, Moray, race zo genu. ,. Wanted to Know. Paoa Oh. no! Washington never told a lie. Johnny Who attended to that part of his strategy for him, pa 7 Holtt's School. At Met-lo Park, San Mateo CoHntv, Cal., with Its beautiful, surroundings, perfect climate, careful supervision, thorough instruction, complete laboratories, and gymnasium, easily maintains its position in the front ranks of ecnoois lor DOTS 00 xne i-acim. wm.. . Hoitt, Ph. D., Principal. Clearly True. "What do think of this idea that Mars is sending signals?" asked Mr. Beechwood. "There's nothine on earth in it!" replied Mr. Homewood, emphatically. Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their cniiaren during uio teeming periuu. His Reason. First Tramp. Why didn't yer swipe dat feller's chainless bicycle datyer went after last might? Second Tramp Well, I found out dere was a chainless dorg in de yard. t?lTC Permanently Cured. No fits IIIV atternntita) After firatd&T'N DHof TJr. Kline's Great Nam Restorer. Send for FREES'i.OOtrUl bottle and treat ise. DK.R.H-KL1NK, Ltd..V3) Arch St.. Philadelphia, Pa. Revolution of Watch Wheels. The main wheel of a watch makes 1,460 revolutons in a year; the second or center wheel, 8,760; the third wheel, 70,080; the fourth wheel, 525, 600 ; and the fifth or scape wheel, 4,731,860. Beware of Ointments for Catarrh That Contain Mercury, As mercury will surely destroy the sense of smell and completely derange the whole sys tem when entering it through the mucous sur faces. Such articles should never be used ex cept on prescriptions from reputable physi cians, as the damage they will do is ten fold to the good yon can possibly derive, from them. Ball's Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, O. f contains no mercury, and is taken internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous Burf aces of the system. In buying Hall's Catarrh Cure he sure you get the genuine. It is taken internally, and made in Toledo, Obio, by F. J. Cheney i Co. Testi monials free. - Sold by Druggists, price 75c. per bottle. Hall's Family Pills are the best. . Down in the Stogie Belt Visitor Do you ever have smoke consumers in Pittsburg? any Pittsburger Yes ; each .: resident consumes his own share. This signature is on every box of the genuine Laxative BromoQuinine Tablet . the remedy that cures a cold In MM day Sprint, Shades. "Nature is painting the world with generous coats of green," remarked Mrs. Belleiield, as she sat on her porch and watched the rain falling on the grass and yofing leaved trees. "And using watercolors, " added Mr. Bellefield. Mama Eats a Casearet. . Baby gets the benefit. Nursing mothers make their milk mildly purgative with Cascarets, the only safe laxative for babies. All druggists, 10c, 23C, SOc. Progress Among Florida Negroes. An industrial school for Negroes is promised in Florida, thus putting that state on a par with other of the southern stales in the education of the colored people. Do You Keep Horses, Or cattle, sheep or pigs? If so you want good fences. Send for free book and pictures telling about the best and cheapest fences on earth. Port land Anchor Fence Co., 742 Nicolai street, Portland, Oregon. Later. Again the two illustrious men met, McSweeney, said, the governor of North Carolina to the governor of south Carolina, with deep solemnity, "have you joined the Buffaloes?" Scrofula is an unwelcome legacy, but one which the children of blood poisoned parentage must accept, with all its humiliating consequences. It is an inheritance that makes one poorer ; that brings wretchedness and disease instead of health and riches, for the child whose ancestral blood is tainted with Scrofula or the loathsome virus of Contagious Blood Poison ia unfitted for the arduous duties of life so lone as an Y of the transmitted ooison remains in its veins. Scrofula manifests itself in various forms; swollen glands about the neck and throat, catarrh of the head, weak eyes, hip bone disease, white swelling and offensive sores and abscesses are familiar symptoms, attended usually with loss of strength, poor digestion and pale or bloodless complexion. The skin is sometimes most dreadfully affected, eruptions breaking out on all parts of the body, Scrofula destroys bone, tissue and flesh ; - When nineteen years old, and about one year after the birth of my first child, the srlanda on the left aide of ny naok hesran to swell. Vava of tha places were lanoed and became open mnnlna ores; rlalnaa came under my left arm, and- the diaeharaw waa simply awful. The doctors aald I had tha worst caaa of Sorofola theyhad ever seen. I took Iodide of potassium, but this nor the other drugs given for this disease bronrht relief. Whan the physiolans advised me to have tha stands removed, I decided to try 8. 8. S. A few bottles cured ma completely ; no alana of tha terrible disease are left. UBS. filOHABD WASSOH, " i- Golden Corners, Ohio. . . Tmritv to the profoundly nolsoned blood, to the swollen and diseased glands absorbs and destroys the tuberculous deposits, and the nainfuL disfisrurinsr sores and other evidences of Scrofula disappear. " S. S. S. should be begun immediately upon the appearance of the first symp toms, or where there is a known predisposition to Scrofula. Our medical depart- ' nent will be found ot great neip to tnoae wno are struggling witn tnia wasting disease of heredity or any other blood trouble, and we invite yon to write us. Should you or any member of your family need advice, our physicians will cheer- TOUT Kive uic iflivnuauuu wn ucauc. lood and Skin Diseases free. , THB SWIFT SPECIFIC COMPANY, ATLANTA, OA. Natural causes Juryman Yes, we brought in a verdict of death from natural causes. Eeporter But an iron beam fell on him from the fourth floor ! Juryman Of course. Wasn't that natural? You wouldn't expect it to fall up on the eighth floor, would you? That's where he ought to have been at work instead of down in tne basement. Her Idea, Miss Bridesoon What is your idea of the ideal lover? Miss Yellowleaf The one who mar ries. The Trust Prob'eua. To a thoughtful mind, the trust problem is one of serions import. It must be firmly grappled with, for it creeps upon society before you are aware of its existence, in Mu MnMt niiifih reaeuibliiift the various disorders which attack the stomach, such as constipation, indigestion, dyspepsia, bil iousness, liver ana Kinney trouuiea. tetters Stomach Bitters is the one reliable remedy for all such ailments. Be sure to give it a trial. Perils of the Poles. Three expeditions are trying to locate the south pole, and six are after the one at the other end of the wnrld. This means nine new faces on the lecture platform next year. THE UPS AND DOWNS IN LIFE OF A CLERK. THE A Tale of Misfortune and Misery With a nappy Bndlns; The World Seemed All Tory Dark for a While. A clerk's life, ordinarily, is a very humdrum one with but very little variety to the daily routine. But Mr. Fred K. Morton of No. 80 Vesper street. Portland Me., had an experi ence recently which has made his life now a very- happy one. in telling a reporter of what he went through he said: " "I had been suffering with stomach trouble for about two years. Every day about ten o'clock in the morning and three o clock in tne atternoon became faint and felt so bad that if did not sit down I would fall. That sensation usually lasted for about an hour and when noon came -I had no appetite for lunch. - - "1 saw Dr. Williams- rinn rins ior Pale People advertised in the daily papers about a year ago and decided to try them. I felt relief from the first box and after I had taken six boxes my disease was cured. I do not take them now but always keep them in the house. I have told my friends what these pills have done for 'me and should I know of any one s being sick as I was I - should recommend " Dr. Williams' Pink Pills for Pale People. " Mr. Morton's statement was pub lished in the Portland "Express after he had sworn to it before Marshall H. Purrington, a notary public. The - most j effective remedy in the world in cases of this kind is Dr. Wil liams'" Pink Pills- for Pale .People. They act directly on the blood and erves. Tnis maites in em mvaiuaDie not only for stomach trouble but also for such diseases as locomotor ataxia, partial paralysis,"-' St. Vitus' dance, sciatica, neuralgia, V rheumatism, nervous headache, the after effects of the grip, palpitation of the heart, pale and sallow complexions and all forms of weakness either in male or female. Dr. Williams' Pink Pills for Pale People are sold by all deal ers, or will be sent postpaid on receipt of price, fifty cents a box, or six boxes for two dollars and fifty cents (they are never sold in bulk or by the hun dred) by addressing Dr. Williams Medicine Co.. Schenectady, N. Y. Station for Observing Earthquakes. The academy of science at Vienna has resolved to establish a novel sta tion for the observation of earth quakes, in a silver mine 100 meters below the surface. S"OC KNOW WHAT TOT ARB TAKING When von take Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic, because the formula is plainly printed on every (tie showinar that it is simolv iron ana Oni- tunelB a tasteless form. No cure. Me Pay. 50c, No Risk. Mistress I wouldn't hold the baby so near the tiger s cage, Mora. Nora (the nurse) There's no - risk, mum. th' tiger is a "man eater,' and th' child is a gur-rul. I am snre Piso's Cure for Consumption saved mv life three years ago. Mas. Thos. Robbiks, Maple street, Norwich, N. Y., r eD. 17, law. . - . , Her Lack. The Illinois woman who called her husband a jackass and then got mad because he called her his better half does not seem to know such a thing as justice. . - no part of the human system escapes its witnenne, benumbing toucn. Parents whore blood is pois oned by their own misdeeds, or who tnemselves may De suffering for the sins of some remote ancestor, must re store their own blood to its i 'normal purity and strength, or they . cannot expect healthy, robust children. S. S. S. cures Scrofula, like other diseases ' of a deep seated, constitutional charac ter, .by restoring life and and the rich, stromr blood that is carried suwu wt auoas jw uwkc juwua, av LITTLE JIM'S FRIEND. BOY'S FATHER WOULD NOT PART WITH MOLLY. Thoas-ta Ostly a Caw the Ha4 a Heart Capable of Peellaa Orlef foraa Ab Hst Caataloa aad Frlend-A. Pa het!e rrieadahlp. . "No, sir! Molly ain't 'Just one o' the cows, enes our irionu, u I've reason te say It, I have. "Tell you, air? Why o' course, ir ye care to hear. When Molly was a dii or a calf, hardly a year old, my little Jim was 3, an' afraid o' nothing-, nig or lit tle. Toddlin' after ma all day long, ae a go about the house an' oar little bit of a garden an' the pagtur behind, an' never tiring of It; an' when I mowed or raked the grass or hoed tha garden he waa alwns a-helpln'. But above all he loved to be held up to 'see Molly or to "pet Molly.' "I used to hold her soft nose down for him when he kissed her 'good night,' an' the firs' thing tn the morn In', before he was downstairs, when I'd let the cows out to the paatur, hla curly head was half out o' the winder an' he a-callin', 'Good mornln', Molly.' - "He was hardly 5 years old no, he wasn't 5 when he used to try an' milk her; an' the cretur'd stand as gentle an' still as If she knew the little feller'd be easy hurt, with her head turned half sideways, a-seeraln' to- say, "All right. young 'un, as long-aa It amuses your had to finish the milkin, the little hands got so tired; yet he hated to give in. You wouldn't 'a' believe it, sir, to see the spunky way that little chap o' 5 years would stick to It a-milkln' that cowl "Daytimes, when she was In the pas- tirr. he was alwus a-runnln down to the gate to ask her how she was gettin' on to-day, or did she think it was go in' to rain? an' things like that makln' reg'lar playmate out o' her; 'cause he waa bur only -child an' I s'pose some times .be was lonely like. An', to see him take out a drink o' water to Molly in his little tin dipper! I used to 'most bust a-laughln' to see -her big red tongue a-lappln out the few drops he'd gen'ly have left, as If It was Just what she wanted! . "Well, Jim was only 6 year old when he was took sick, suddent. Lord knows what It was! We don't, an' the doctor never did, 'though, alwus a-lookln' wise an' a-sayin' he'd be out 'roun' m a few days. But Jim, lyln' there burnln' with fever, would hear the low 'Moo-oo!' an' Ms eyes would open an look bright as he'd smile an' say, 'Good-night, Molly! Ill see you In the morning'.' . . "But that Molly!- The first night he was sick she kep' lookin' 'roun' when I was a-milkm her, as if to see where he waa yes, she did. sirt an' was that oneasy I could scarce milk her at all. Then-the nex" night she was nervous an' shivery an' gave hardly any milk; an' her lowln'. was ; awful frequent through- the day,, but at night, -when she was in the barn, It waa terrible! an' so. sad it would make you 'creepy' to hear her; an"; the milk scarcer every day till the cretur: was right sick; too. Well, there came one night one night when there was nothin' to do for my little Jim but to stand beside him, when, we didn't need no doctor to tell us our little lad would never be out 'roun' again; an In the quiet o' the mid dle o' the night the tlckta' of the clock an his mother's Bobbin' sounded fear ful loud. His little hand lay In mine. so cold and still now, when It had been so res'less an hot for more'n a week. Suddenly It moved a little, as tn the stillness - outside -. we heard Molly's Moo-oo!' Just like a .call to the boy, right under his winder, , - - . - "I'd fofgot to milk her or go for her, an somehow or other she d got out o the pastur herself. 'Moo-oor she called again, so pitiful an' humanlike the tears come into my eyes,-though they had been hot an' dry all night. Then what she called the third time it seemed to reach 'Wen to little Jim. Too weak to open his eyes,, he said, Just whlsperin': "Good-night, Molly! In the mornin'!' an' smiled. ' - - r "Hard as it was to leave him then, I laid his little hand down an' went out to Molly. .; .'. 1 -r1"-".. Die!' Not a bit of It, sir! That's him, that little chap a-comln' thro the gate; an that's Molly a-folleiin' him. A meracle,' the doctor says..- I don't know; I ain't up on merac!es; but Come here, Jim! . That's right; take off your cap to the gentleman an' shake hands.- Now go long an' put Molly In. He's a dandy, sir, my Jim! " "What! 'Sell Molly? Sell her, sir? No, sir! No, sir! Not for a'.l her weight in solid gold'd I sell my little Jim's friend.-' The Housewife. THE LUXURY-LOVINQ HOOLEY. Since His Bankruptcy. He Haa Been ' Living Kxtravasrantly. It Is now three years since the fail ure of E. T. Hooley, whose estate has yielded so. far only 50 cents in the pound to his creditors. In view -of the magnificence with which this splendid bankrupt continues meanwhile to enjoy life. Inquiries have been made as to the future prospects the estate offers. George Hardy, a member . of the bankruptcy " committee appointed by the creditors to act under the super vision of the board of trade, when ques tioned as to the outlook, for creditors, expressed the belief that the estate would yield another 2 shillings in the pound In the course of a few months, and was exceedingly pessimistic as to anything beyond that, says the London Mall. - t "Mr. Hooley bears his creditors' mis fortunes bravely, does he not?" . -"In what wayr ."He stlu lives at the rate of a few thousands a year?" t -more man a rew tnousands, ' re plied Mr. Hardy. "He . has, besides his suite of rooms at Walsingham House, his two country seats Pap worth Hall and. Klsley HalL Why, he pays in wages to bis servants, male and female, and his gardeners, grooms and the rest, more than $30,000 yearly. Hia weekly wages bllL apart from those he pays monthly or quarterly, is between $600 and $650. He keeps many horses and every sort of vehicle from a dog cart to a shooting coach; he has about core of gardeners at Papworth I alone; he la constantly adding to his estate there by buying up adjoining farms, and recently be bought $10,000 worth of additional agricultural ma chinery for his operations there. : Hla wine cellars contain one of the most extraordinary collections ever got to gether, and you may say on my esti mate, aa a member of the committee. that -this princely bankrupt la not liv ing at the rate of less -- than 175.000 yearly. '.'-.-."- But haven't you and your fellow committeemen any means of diverting I some of this income toward the cred itors?" - :-,. . : - 'None at all Mr. Hooley obtains hia income by the financial operations he conducts from Walsingham House, where he sees clients dally. But he doesn't deal on his own behalf. He Is the agent of his wife. I have long contended that we, the committee. houkTbe able to control the bankrupt's earrings. ? We ought to be able to se cure for. the creditors the -remainder of that income after allowing the bank rupt a good maintenance say $25,000 a year." . y - "And do your powers enable yon to do anything In that direction r "No, but I have heard from a very reliable quarter that as one result of this Hooley business legislation will be proposed with the object of rendering such crying scandals Impossible In the future." - ' :' QUEEN ALEXANDRA'S AUTO. Boyat Lady Takes Great Pleasure In Drivlna tbe Machine - . Queen Alexandra has become possess ed of a victoriette, which she has learn ed to drive herself. Seated for two, its framework Is articulated, so that It adapts itself to any unevenness of road without stress or strain. The single motor la of 4 horse power, of four pole QTJEKH'8 KLKCTEIO MOTOR CABKIAGK. type, and can be worked to five times normal capacity without any Injurious effects.- - -.. ' The batteries are fitted in the rear portion of the carriage, and contain sufficient energy for thirty-five or forty miles on one charge. The car Is elec trically lit and fitted with Japanned lamps, relieved with silver-Diate fit tings; the wheels are of bicycle type, and fitted with S-Inch pneumatic tires. Speed of car is from six miles to four teen miles per hour. The Queen herself has become an ex pert driver, and derives great pleasure front this pleasing little vehicle, which is now quite familiar in tbe neighbor hood of Sandringbam. OLD GENTLEMAN'S MISTAKE, He Imtendel to fe Kind bat Was Mia- nndertnoA. , He is a fine old gentleman, every one who takes daily trips on the - street car line will say so. He is kindly con siderate of the rights of his fellow, pas sengers,-and,, though, he usually occu pies the end seat. It Is -not because he insists upon having, but because his fel low passengers Insist that he shall have it. His politeness is of the old, old school, and his deference to the ladies is beautiful to behold, says the Ind.an- spoils News. - He has been seen time and again when the conductor was slow or remiss in his attention to wom en with babies and washerwomen with baskets to assist In taking them, with their Incumbrances, off and on the car. In view of these things, the happening of yesterday was pathetic. : A young woman, Indeed an extremely handome and well-dressed young wom an, was seated before him. The old gentleman whose eyesight is no longer of the clearest noticed a bug in tbe knot of hair bunched above the white neck of the fair young, woman a shining. green bug, nearly as large as one's thumb nail. He leaned forward to per form an act of kindness; be would brash the insect away. He brushed. The bug, to his view, but took a firmer clasp on its lodging place. The old gentleman made a second at tempt. With thumb and finger be seized the Insect and pulled vigorously. The young woman turned at this; fire was In her radiant eyes, anger In her Voice. She uttered but one word ." It was enough. The old gentleman was parlyaed. " He attempted to ex plain, but his tongue refused to make an articulate sound. Covered with con fusion he touched the electric button and alighted at the next crossing. A few of the passengers smiled; one or two even laughed. The bug was a Brazilian beetle attached to a long pin in the young woman's hair. Stated the Case Plainly. Here Is a letter from W. O. Towns end, a farmer living on the Santa Fe near Marcellne,. Kan., which brought Immediate settlement when received by tne claims department of that rail road:","-"-:..; ' "Dear Sir I have only one wife and five children no mother-in-law. Last Monday night, about two and one-half miles east of Marceline, the cars hit Spot on her caboose end. We found ner Tuesday morning, ; April 16;- she was as dead as a dirty doormat She left a son to low- for her. Spot .was a common 10-year-old Mussle Fork cow, worth ?25. She was a fair milk er; of a kind disposition. ; During the seven years we owned her she never bit any of the children. Please send me $25 that I may get a cow, so we can have milk for that calf and children. and oblige." . . -" Saloons tn Guatemala. The Republic of Guatemala has over 16,000 saloons and taverns. During the first six months of mar ried life, a woman thinks so much of I 'her husband that she Is willing to cook what he likes, and this Is the time In her housekeeping career when she I doesn't know how. To TJoiliaroof la this workaday world few wumeu are so placed that physical exertion la not constantly demanded of them iz their daily life. . We make a special appeal to mothers ol large families whose work ia never done, aad many of whom suffer, and suffer for lack of intelligent aid. To women, young or old, rich or poor, we extend an invitation to accept free advios. Oh, women t do not let Mas. Outara BUxavrixa. yemr lives be sacrificed when a word of anvioe at the first approach of weak ness, may fill your future years with healthy jov. Address a letter to Mrs. Pinkham's Laboratory, Lynn Mass., and you will not be disappointed. . ' When 1 beean to take Lvdia K. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound I wu not able to do my housework. I suf fered terribly at time of menstruation. Several doctors told me they could dc notning lor me. Thanks to the Pink- nam advice and medicine I am now well, and can do the work for eight in the familv. 1 would reeommend Lvdia R. Plnk- nam s vegetable Compound to all mothers with large families." Mrs. Cabbtb Belleville, Ludington, Mich Made a Mil tike. . Patient Doctor, would you mind stopping at the drug store and pay ing for this prescription. I'mshort of change; - . Doctor (hurridly writing another prescription) Excuse me. I made a mistake. You don't need any nerve medicine. TO CUBE A COLD XX OKI DAI Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All Irnggists refund the money if ft fails to cure. B. W. Grove's signature ison each box. 25c. The Saucer's the Thing. "Mustache cups?" said the clerk in the chinaware department. "Yes, sir. Here's a pretty design. Cup and saucer, one forty-uine. " 'But," said Mr. Porque Pacque, 'that ain't the saucer that goes with it." "O, yes." "Not much it ain't. There ain't no mustache guard on it." - - He Stopped His Piper. "Sir!" exclaimed the oldest citizen as he walked into the business - office of the daily paper, "I see in your sheet of today, sir, an article to which I take exceptions, . and I : want my paper stopped, bit! And when James b Anderson Bays stop, sir, he means stop, sir!" V ".Phil, wearily murmured the cir culation manager, "go out and tell Bob t'-stop th' press an' lock up; o'l man Anderson has quit us!" Not Cold Blooded, Gothamite I. suppose you may think we New Yorkers are rather severe on your Boston girls when we speak of their cold blood edness? - Jlubbtie JNot at all; so many of your fellows have been frozen out by them you know.. x Didn't Like It "What does the teacher say when asked you don't know your lessons?" Willie s father.: "She says I must be a chip off the old blockhead," replied Willie, and then something happened. Equal to the Occasion. Liveried Menial Me Lud, the ct riage waits without. His Lordship Without what? "Without horses, me Lud ; 'tis an automobile.". - Social Training. Miss Gotrichkwick Please, Sir, is this a training school? Tl. -I ?! , Ti - rriuuiuai ii is. "Please, Sir, I wish to learn how to eat olives. The Kind You Have Always Bought has borne the signa ture of Clias. H. Fletcher, and lias been made under his - personal supervision for over 30 Tears. Allow no one to-deceive you in this. Counterfeits, Imitations and :. " Jnst-as-jrood" are but Experiments, and endanger the . health of Children Experience against Experiment. What is CASTORIA Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Xarcotie substance.1 Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind - Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation, . and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the Stomach and. Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. The Children's Panacea The Mother's Friend. , The Kind You Haye Always Bought Bears the tmc ecMTun eonMHf. rr 7 asT M - In Use For. Over 30 Years. A VshiHop, Flushing Didn't you join another Don't Worry club last week, Harriet T Mrs. Fhishrar Tea ; I hope you don't object to fsy. belonging to two Don t Worry clubs, Henry. Flushing (abjectly) Oh, no, Jtiar- rite; but I had hoped that they would keep you from worrying me some what! . Clear out of Key. "Lucy, where's that other tall beau you used to have?" , Laws, Miss Nancy, I done went back on dat man ; he didn't have no taste at all. Dat man wore silver shirt studs when he had a gol' front toof."- Family Bereavement "Am a part orphan now?' asked the chick of the hen. "What do you meant" inquired the hen. . . "The incubator was burned last night, " answered the chick. Horrors of War, "But what," asked one of the mys tified listeners, "could the gold stand ard have to do with the capture of Aguinaldo?" Don t you see, said the excited, talker, "that Funston was after the yellow boys?" Bound to Be Heard. Jester I understand our pastor is going to preach through a megaphone hereafter. Jimson Why is that? Jester Why, the sleeping mem bers of the congregation snore so loudly that the others can't hear, The Let Family. ' ; The Lee faimly, which, until the civil war, had always been represent ed in the army, was until the Spanish War without a single member in the regular service. Now; there are two Lees in the army and the third will also probably soon wear his shoulder straps. Iks Bast Prescription for Malaria Chlus and Fever is a bottle of Grove's Tasteless unm i onic it is simply iron and quinine in a tasteless form. Mo Cure, No Pay. Price 50c The Automobile. "Will the automobile become a permanent fad?" . "Doubtful. See how men, outside of scorchers, even, were bent on rid ing the bicycle at first ; and look at it now. Josh's Future. ? "I" guess maybe Josh is goin' to be a great financier, an' git money by his brains,' remarked f armer Corn' tossel. "Does he take such an interest in commercial affairs?" "No ; but he's got to get a livin somehow, an' be jest won't work." FARM MACHINERY AND SUPPLIES. FREE TO FARMERS Our 1901 Vehicle Book Our 1901 Implement Catalogue JUST ISSUED. : Send you name and P. O. address and we will mall one or both, as desired, free of all charge. Mitchell, Lewis & Staver Co., First and Taylor Sts. PORTLAND, OR. GESSLER PATENTS COMPANY. Chamber of Commerce, PORTLAND, OREGON. g Signature of Murray imin, new vorr city. .nun . S Ik x .St. - . . iis rw . -vaB3r.via. - a-suar I J Bast Cough Byron. TastasOood. Use f 1 tn time. Sold by droggtata. My wife had pimples on her face, but She has been taking CASCARETS and they have all disappeared. I had been troubled with constipation for some time, but after tak ing the first Casearet I bare bad no trouble witn idis ailment, we cannot speak too high ly of Cascareta." Fbid WiitTmn. uCTBaawira Ave., raiiaaeipnia. Fa ' Pleasant. Palatable. Fount. ' tat flivw. iu . Oood. Marar Siokaa. Weaken, or Gripe. J0c. 26c. We. .. CURE CONSTIPATION. ... ttofSae Siailf Caw, CMsaffe, taM, b. te. til KH.TII.Rlf! 80,4 M"1 gnaranteed br all drag ml I UB Mb giau to CVatE Tobaaeo Habit. A Choice. "What is it this morning? " asked ' the new waitress. "Ham and eggs. isn't it?" "Not exactly, " said the boarding house mistress, "and I want you to work this well. You must be careful to say to each boarder, 'Ham or eggs?" IN THE. BEGINNING THERE WAS ONLY ONE SLICKER IT BORE THIS TBABE MAMt WHICH B STILL TO SE'OUNS ON THl BEST OILED CLOTHING. ORAALC EVtRYWIteRt. bSWARE Of- IWTATION1. CATALOGUES FREE SHOWING FULL LINE OP GARMENTS AND MATS. A.J.T0WER CO. BOSTON. MA55. si Where do You Sell Your Hides? thyme. We always pay the Highest Price. Ohasm L. Mastick & Co T5 Front St.,' cor. Oak, Portland, Or. SUMMER is best time to enre Catarrh, Bronchitis and Consumption. Our remedy is guaranteed, L f. V. BOX W.H.SMITH I CO., Buffalo, N.Y, Milwaukee Binders LEAD With one Lever Raising and Lowering Device. . Laichless Reel Concave Drive Wheel . Light Draft CATALOGUE FREE. J. A. FREEMAN, Gen'l Agt. 2SOC Waf sir St., Portland, On. Complete Stock of Water A.Wood Extras. Secures patents for inventions In the United States and foreiKU countries. Also negotiates mar kets and defends patent inven tions. No better terms or facilities than we offer obtainable auy where. Payment of our fees may be deferred till patent is allowed. Write for pamphlet. The fonder of the Age '-' The great Airship 228 feet long and fl6 !. L t. ; 1 .1 T ... : irranniuiin fait. forms, will mate its nrat voyageauoui Sep tember loth. EVKRY CttK should have a few SHARES. They are ic selling at 2.00 a share, and will be worth 1100 alter the ship has made her first voyage. Send orders for stock with check or money order to Cal. Aerial Navigation Co., care of Columbian Banking Co., San Francisco, Cal. Hntei Flzsvel Opens for season June 23, 1901. CoL J. F. Harvey, Manager -. THB "MONTEREY" OF OREGON. Most beautiful and perfectly equipped sum mer resort. Every convenience and comfort. Free bus from hotel to surf. Bathing, Ashing, dancing, bowling.' A splendid hotel with lovely surroundings. Under new management this year. For rates and reservations address HOTEL FLA VEL, Flarol, On, Or J. Lm MITCHELL, BIB Mmrmjumm Bldg., Portland, Ora. Springtime Resolutions THE ICeeicy Cure Snre relief fiom liquor, opium and tobacco - habit. Send for particulars to eeley Institute. Havel to 420 Williams - Ave., Km Side. JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, Foot of Morrison Street, Can give yoii the best bargains in Buggies, Plows, Boilers and Engines, Win.imills and ; Pumps and General Machinery. See as before baying - K.r. x.o. sTiaet. WHEN writing- te advertisers please snautlsa this papar. It -i r CATHARTIC- -a N vaaos ttMM asois'ussu 11 V3