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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (July 5, 1901)
TWO LOVES OF A SAILOR.
Oh, an old man gat and blinked V the
- And a song o' the sea sang he.
He sang a song of a mariner bold
And his sweetheart so true the sea.
Sing ho, yo ho, sing hey!
O'er crested billows, thro' dashing
With sails a-bnlging ahe sends
Away, away o'er the waters gray
Away through the dying day!
Sing ho, sine heyi
Oh, the mariner bold his ain love pressd
To his heart and her sweet lips kissed
Sweet lips' that swore they would e'er be
When he sailed away 1' the mist. -Sing
hey. oh hey. yo ho!
Through the singing tops the wild
Into the dank mists the ship doth go,
And the mariner sings as he rolls be
"My Jove will be true, I trow!"
Sing hey, yo ho!
Oh. the lassie ashore forgot her man.
But his sweetheart, the sea, proved
She lulled him to rest on her heaving
And her white arms about him threw.
Sing ho. yo ho. sing hey!
He went to his one true love that
At peace in her arms for e'er and
Less lasting the lassie's peace, they
She wed with a lump o' clay!
Sing ho, sing hey I
St Paul Dispatch.
,.., 1 1 i i 4,. ,t 0,m ih 1 1
t An Augmented Education I
Tj$ HE friends of Marcla Egremont
often wondered which she knew
the most about, vocal training or
love-making; she had enjoyed so much
of both. As a consequence of this over
abundant preliminary education In both
lines her friends also predicted great
difficulty and delay In the matter of her
"settling down" either to a career or
a peaceable married existence.
Marcla, for the present, judged all
lovers, apparently at least, by their vo-
cal qualifications. As a heart-search
lng love affair Is supposed to be "devel
oping" to the human voice espe
cially of the tenor variety Mar
cla may be supposed to have rendered
large numbers of rising tenor sing
ers valuable assistance on the road to
ward fame. She had grown rather
weary of this pastime and of tenors
when Philip Derwent mad his appear
ance in her world.
Most music-lovers went wild oer
Philip, praised him unreservedly, but
Marcla tossed her head in disdain.
' "Cold as the polar regions, that
voice!" was her verdict "Not even
wine would take the chill off those top
"Love?" suggested the friend who
had most Intimate knowledge of Har
cia's numerous but not perhaps utterly
unselfish efforts In behalf of rising sing-
"Perhaps," replied Marcla, enigmati
cally, "but it takes a lot of trouble to
do some things."
Then she went quietly on with her
own life and enjoyment, using her fine
voice and eyes so well that Philip Der
went was soon desperately In love with
her, or fancied that he was. But still,
according to Marcla. the chill remain-
VABCIA'S TUBS CAME FIRST.
ed to shadow the all but perfection of
those upper notes. And then came the
night of the charity concert
Marcia was still undecided as to what
to do with her voice and her wonder
ful vocal training; the friend who knew
her best was more puzzled than ever.
But, for the time being, she was all en
thusiasm about her music. The pure
enjoyment of singing possessed her
night and day. She appeared In the
little ante-room of the big hall early on
the night of the concert, dressed to per
fection, all radiant and sparkling and
charming delightfulness from satin
slippers to shining hair. And her color
came and went in a fashion which set
Philip's heart beating wildly, as they
' waited silently side by side for their re
spective numbers. -
Marcia's turn came first, and Philip
slipped into the side of the hall -to
listen. She sang as one translated.
he looked as one transformed. The or
chestra engaged for the occasion was
magnificent one; the music swelled out
mightily In wonderful, soul-stirring
waves. Marcla leaned her voice on its
beauty and grandeur and sang as one
sings only once or twice In a life
time. Something, she knew not what,
took possession of her that evening and
glorified every note. The faithful old
singing teacher, who had prayed for
her to fall madly in love and suffer
' sharply in order that the power might
be brought out and fullest expression
made possible, would have wept with
joy to hear her. Three times did the
enraptured audience insist upon her re
turning. Thrice did she repeat her in
itial triumph, with no shadow of fall
ing off or failure. And Philip Derwent,
listening and watching, felt something
awake within hlm.which was different
from any feeling or experience he had
. previously known. .
An-orchestral number separated his
song from her number, and while It
lasted be looked at her dumbly, unable
to say a word of all that he longed to
otter.. When, just as the last strong
chord vibrated, he opened his lips to ex-
THE YELLOW MAN'S BURDEN.
Th whlta man' hnrHpn has been described in Drone and poetry- The yellow
man's burden, greater than his white brother's, remains to be pictured by historians
and commentators. China's payment 01 3UU,uuu,uw lnaemmry, enormous as uiw
sum is, cannot be the heaviest weight on the shoulders of the already overtaxed
Celestials, says Williamsport (Pa.) Grit.' China's credit remains good so long as
she has concessions to offer as security. If she display good financiering, China
can easily pay this amount or even a larger one, to satisfy the pecuniary demands
of the powers, the while investing large sums in needed internal improvements.
The yellow man's-burden Is not a financial one. -.
China is to-day practically without government for her 400,000,000 of people.
The royal family is divided, the Empress working against reforms necessary for
the perpetuity of the empire, and the Emperor being powerless to carry out such
improvements as he considers advantageous for the nation. Imperial authority
lacks power to execute its ordinary orders even, neither Empress nor Emperor
having civil officers of sufficient loyalty or armies of sufficient strength to oppose
the powerful viceroy and crafty mandarins. Such obedience as is secured,
springs from policy more than from anything else. Dishonesty, corruption,
treachery, and worse crime exist in the highest as well as the lowest official and
social circles.' Civilization in its true sense, is not appreciated by the average
Celestial who is an example of a decaying race. China's real burden is to arrest
decay, reiuvigorate and elevate its 400,000,000 people, a burden which no other
nation has to bear. - .
It is true that the payment of $300,000,000 indemnity will not make China s
burden any lighter, no matter how favorable the conditions of payment It is also
true that unaided she cannot begin the
further existence as an entirely independent nation. But the indemnity may
hrinz this necessary assistance, since financial obligations will continue inter
course with some nation or nations able to give direction. Still, the conditions
are not such that foreign assistance can easily be accepted, a fact that discloses
the worst phase of the yellow man s burden. , : r
press his admiration, she slipped from
the waiting-room and out Into the side
of the hall to listen to him, as he real
ized with a thrill.
At first this knowledge threatened to
hamper and hold back his powers of ex
pression. His heart beat like that of a
child expecting to be chidden, or of a
novice facing an audience for the first
timer He would not look in Marcia's
direction; he dared not Then suddenly
a" thrill of shame swept through him
to be afraid of a girl who had stead
fastly refused to consider him as any
thing mora than the merest of ac
quaintances! Shame! - He faced her
daringly, his heart beating faster than
ever, and almost lost his breath over
the great surprise which followed bis
movement She was watching him
anxiously, eagerly, her eyes dilating
with something like fear as he stood
there, hesitating. -The orchestra rum
bled out the prelude to his song again.
and this time he lifted up his voice and
sang. '-- ''' -'-
Something stirred in the back of his
throat, and It seemed as though bands,
hitherto unrecognized, were loosened;
something stirred under his heart and
he felt like a god rather than a man.
The marvelous burst of song that fol
lowed was but the natural expression
of this new joy and freedom. And all
the "chilliness" had vanished ' from
those wonderful top notes.
He, too, was recalled three times, and
he reached the waiting-room again, the
last recall over, in a state bordering
on what would have been exhaustion
had he not been so uplifted and happy.
Marcia met him, cheeks flaming, eyes
sparkling, yet moist and dewy, lips
parted in generous commendation and
sincerest praise.: And Philip, still un
der the spell of that wonderful exalta
tion, caught her in his arms and drew
her head down to his breast
". "My darling! My dearest!'." - The
stage employe, waiting a call , in the
corner, smiled, sighed, and considerate
ly departed. "My sweetest girl, I know
you love me as you know that I wor
ship you. We have told each other all
to-night in our singing.".. .
And the friend who knew most of
Marcla, coming to the waiting-room to
congratulate and accompany her home
ward, was treated to the greatest sur
prise of her life. For Marcla lay in
Philip's arms quite meekly, and the
light of a new-born gentleness and af
fection almost transfigured her face.
Chicago Tribune. i
- Surprising Shrinkage.
A writer on old Texas says. In "The
Evolution of a State," that In 1837 the
winter was cold and wet, and the set
ELECTRIC TRAIN WHICH
WILL RUN 100 MILES AN HOUR
Railway travel at the rate ot iw miles an hour on a single rail with electricity
as the motive promises to be the common method in England in the-not remote
future. It is now almost certain that Manchester and Liverpool are to be con
nected by rail in this way. Parliament has already partly consented to the expert
ment Last year the promoters were beaten m the house by lobbyists of the three
existing railways between the two cities. This year the innovators are luckier.
Safety by the single rail system is secured by constructing the track on a trestle,
and the train is kept from oscillation by the use of side rails, which act as SSide;;
The whole distance between Manchester
minutes wuooui-a stop ty trains wnica win consist of only two cars constructed
on the plan of non-resistance to atmosphere.- Each car will have its own motor
and will be operated alternately for ten minutes. It is expected that this line when
built will revolutionize the railway system of England. The invention is that of
M. Behr, who is successfully operating a similar line in the suburbs of Brussels.
process of regeneration necessary for her
tlers suffered for clothing. Buckskin
was sufficient while the weather kept
dry, but there was one great objection
to it as a rainy-day garment.
One afternoon a certain Jiuimie, who
had not been long in the country, was
out with a surveying party, when there
came up a drenching rain. Before they
could reach shelter ne buckskin
breeches of the men were thoroughly
saturated. A hospitable house, ren
dered delightful by daughters'- and
young lady guests, opened its doors,
and the surveyors took shelter.
Jlmmie was not acquainted with the
vagaries of buckskin, and on alighting
from his horse he was distressed to find
his feet enveloped in the slimy . folds
of trouser legs which had mysteriously
lengthened, and become as unmanage
able as a jellyfish. So he took out his
knife and cut off the extra length.
A rousing fire had been built in the
great open fireplace, and the boys drew
up In front of It to dry their clothing.
As the buckskin dried it - began to
shrink, and the breeches made a per
ceptibly retrograde movement.
. Jim perceived it, and, bending down,
stretched them, to y. the : ill-concealed
amusement of those Who had witnessed
the amputation. But the buckskins
were on the retreat, and presently had
put an alarming distance between their
lower edge and the top of Jim's shoes.
He did not wait for the rain to stop.
He got out his horse and rode away. -
Electric Eel's Victim.
At the Zoological Gardens a large
electric eel was swimming in its tank
with more activity than usual, when a
big cockroach fell Into the water, and
in its efforts to get out made a dis
turbance of the surface, which attract
ed the attention of the eeL The eel
turned round, swam past it, discharg
ed its battery at about eight inches
off, and the cockroach instantly stop
ped stone dead.' It did not even move
its antennae after. The eel then pro
ceeded to swallow Its victim, and the
narrator goes on to point out the cu
rious circumstance that the fish.
which weighed about twelve pounds.
should find it worth while to fire its
heavy artillery at a creature an inch
and a half long, when it could easily
have swallowed It sans facon. Cham
bers' Journal. -
Brlggs Well, I have had to give up
BrlggsI found it was affecting my
heart . :- ..
Don t depend on your personal
pearance earning your salary:
and Liverpool will be covered in twenty '
RECEIVES MUCH MAIL
TENANTS OF A ' BUSY OFFIOE
BUILDING IN CHIOAGO.
The Monadnock Block Baa a Special
Postal Sub-Station ef Ita On Which
Does the Becoad Largest Buslnssa In
the City. ',
The smallest postal district in the
world Is under the roof the Monadnock
Building at Jackson, Dearborn and
Yan Buren streets, in Chicago. The
building alone comprises a separate and
distinct district In itself. At the same
time the volume of business there Is the
largest of any of the sub-stations or
even districts In the city, save that of
the Board of Trade' station. In this
immense 17-storied structure, which
covers the small ground area of 400
feet long by 70 feet wide, nearly 6,000
people occupy 1,200 rooms. When it
is considered that the population of
many towns covering many miles of
area do not reach that figure, some
conception of the population of the
Monadnock Building may be had. The
comparison is a striking ' one, and
serves to show what a large number
of people can be crowded into a small
space. . It Is also an example of the
economy In ground space that has come
to be necessary in this commercial age.
And out of this economy has come the
system of skyscrapers that the larger
cities and especially Chicago, have been
forced to build.
The Monadnock postal district was
established last year, though a money
order, stamp, and registered letter sta
tion was established there more than
two years ago to meet the demands
made by that section of the down-town
district Prior to that time the deliver
ies of mail in the building were made
by carriers working out of the central
station at the foot of Washington
street, on the lake front . They would
have to route their mail at the main
office and then carry it to the Monad
nock Building. The rapid increase In
the volume of mall overburdened the
carriers to such an extent as to cause
the frequent use of auxiliary service,
and the expenditure of money in car
fare allowance In transporting the
heavy mails from the central station
to the bullding.i In order to relieve
the situation an Investigation was
made, resulting in the recommendation
by Superintendent Garrity to Postmas
ter Gordon that the four carriers serv
ing in the building from the main office
be transferred to the Monadnock sta
tion, and that the malls be dispatched
to them by wagon messenger. This
recommendation was approved by Post
master Gordon. The building thereupon
was made a separate district and the
carriers were transferred. The sched
ule of the wagon service was arranged
so as to make close connection with
the carriers' deliveries. It provided for
sixteen dispatches daily from the cen
tral office to the Monadnock Building
and twenty from the building to the
central office, except on Sundays, when
the number is only three to and two
from the sub-station and district
The carriers schedule in the building
provides six deliveries every day ex
cept Sunday, and is so arranged as to
enable the men to begin their deliveries
practically the-same time as they did
when serving from the central station.
In these six deliveries the carriers dis
tribute on an average 25,000 pieces of
mail daily in the great office structure.
At least 75 per cent of the mall re
ceived here for delivery Is addressed
without room number. The difficulties
and delays that would naturally grow
out of this condition can readily be
seen. The carriers who serve the dis
trict are old ones, however, and have
reduced the apparent drawback to
minimum. Seldom is a mistake made
in the distribution. :
Long training and service In the pos
tal department have made these car
riers adepts, establishing a system that
insures accurate delivery of mail to the
persons to whom it is addressed. Every
old or new occupant of the building Is
known to them. And when a new per
son comes into the building, no matter
how humble or high in position, he gets
his mall promptly.- Such names are
secured by the carriers on their re
spectives floors and. added .to the list
Those who leave the building are also
kept up with and their mall Is for
warded to their new addresses. In fact.
the district, though smaU In area. Is a
separate and distinct posteffice in It
self, and the same routine is found
there as In the central office. It only
differs in degree. Chicago Tribune.
CORN POPULAR IN EUROPE.
Illinois' Great Cereal in Growing; De-
V - mand Across the Pood.
It was over-ten years ago that an at
tempt was made to popularize Ameri
can corn in Europe by teaching foreign
nations how to cook and prepare It In
various ways, and the consumptive de
mand has steadily Increased ever since.
The "corn kitchen" at the Paris Expo
sition last summer was one mote effec
tive method of popularizing a ' cereal
which In this country is considered
equal to any raised. Before the de
partment of agriculture sent Its first
representative abroad, nearly a dozen
years ago, to show Europeans how to
prepare corn products, . there was
vague Idea prevalent in most foreign
countries that Indian maize was good
enough for pigs and cattle, but not fit
for human beings to eat : Even . the
poorest peasants of Northern . and
Southern Europe refused to touch the
3orn, although it could be obtained
cheaper than the rye and barley which
they ate daily in one form or another.
It was the testimony of Mr. Murphy,
the department's pioneer agent In the
interests of corn, that the prejudice
against eating corn was so great that
it was almost impossible in some places
to induce the poor people to eat corn
products when offered to them free.
There was quite a marked contrast
between this early reception of our
corn and the way the corn - dainties
which the Parisians and visitors ate so
eagerly at the exposition were disposed
of last summer. All the corn delica
cies that were turned out of the "corn
kitchen" were devoured readily by ea
ger and appreciative visitors, and plen
ty more of samplewould have met a
like fate had.it been possible to pre-
par them. American corn products a
free food certainly received more than
their share of attention, and It is not
Impossible that thousands of new corn
eating recruit were made by this ex
hibition. .- .
The national food crop of Germany
and Russia Is rye, while that of France
Is wheat, that of China rice and that of
India millet Corn cannot be said to be
our national food crop exactly, for we
are heavy raisers and consumers of
wheat, too, but we can raise corn at. a
cost that enables us to sell It In com
petition with nearly all the national
foods of other countries. Thus, from
the standpoint of actual nourishment
obtained from the foods, we can seU
corn in Russia cheaper than the peas
ant can raise their rye, and In France
far cheaper than the farmers can pro
duce their wheat. It Is fair under these
circumstances to suppose that the more
general introduction of our corn among
the poorer classes of Europe will mean
corresponding increase In the demand
for it as human food. At present we
ship our corn to all parts of the world,
and the natives of Europe, South
America, Central America, Australia,
Africa, Canada, China, Mexico and the
West Indies have abundant opportuni
ties to discover Its virtues as a human
food. It is quite evident that the propa
ganda movement in the interests, of
corn has already borne fruit We are
told by the statisticians that during the
last five years our exports of corn have
averaged 173,818,301 bushels per an
num. while during the five years before
that date the annual average exports
of corn were only 49,054,663 bushels.
This shows an increase of some 254
per cent Harper's Weekly.
KING OF ITALY'S DISCOVERIES,
Why Victor Emmanuel Ie Unpopular
with His Civil Servants.
There Is an element of the unexpect
ed about King Victor Emmaneul which
is beginning to render him noioso (a
bore) to certain classes of his subjects.
suppose all the world over civil ser
vice clerks are more assiduous than
any others In their efforts to render
their positions sinecures, but in- Italy
they reach the acme of perfection in
this respect The other morning Slg.
Frlnettl, minister of foreign affairs,
went, as usual, to the Quirinal for the
royal signature to various documents,
which the king signed without com
ment until he arrived at one for the
augmentation of the staff of the for
eign office. "This," he said, to the sur
prise of the minister, "you may leave;
I desire to look Into It," and there the
matter ended for the moment, says the
Rome correspondent of the Pall Mall
Gazette, v . ' .
' The next morning his majesty went
out alone and on foot, arriving at the
foreign office about 9 o'clock, and be
gan a tour of discovery, we may call it.
in search of some one to speak to. At
last, In a small room toward the roof
he came upon a lone man busily en
gaged in rolling a cigarette. "Ah!"
said the king, "you are already at your
work; pray what are the regulation
morning hours in this officer "From
8 to 1.2," stammered the unhappy man,
wishing his bad luck had not led him
so early out of bed. "And what hour,
may I ask, can I hope to see your cata
logues?" "About 1L" the embarrass
ed clerk replied, too confused not to tell
the truth. "Oh, well, go on with your
smoke, and tell your chief of my visit
when he ,comes," which, of course, was
done, causing dismay to reign supreme
in the breasts of the 300-odd clerks thus
caught napping. Meanwhile the minis
ter was called and dryly told that in
stead of increasing the staff of the of
fice It might be just as well to see that
those already there did their duty.
Mrs. Albert's Petticoat.
A Scotch newspaper prints an anec
dote so characteristic of photographers
in general that no one could doubt its
authenticity: .' : -
On one of the first visits of the late
Queen Victoria and Prince Albert to
Deestde, a photographer from Aber
deen was ordered to Balmoral to photo
graph them. In nowise embarrassed
by the august pair, he arranged them
to his satisfaction, canted their heads
and plucked at their garments with a
free hand, and then retired behind his
black curtain to see if they were in
proper focus. Immediately after a
hand appeared waving, and to. their
immense amusement, the order came:
"A little less white petticoat, Mrs.
Albert, If you please!"
A Youthful Calculator.
-A. little girl who had been studying
fractions, when told by her mother that
eggs were 9 cents a dozen, called out to
Rob, her younger brother, "You don't
know how much that is apiece, and 1
Robert thought a moment, and an
swered proudly, "Yes, I do; you get a
cent apiece for nine and three for noth-
ln." Youth's Companion.
The Pope's Golden Rose. '
The golden rose which the Pope gives
every year to a royal lady distinguished
for loyalty both to the Pope and to the
Church of Rome is made of pure gold.
ana is vuiueu hi v,uuu, mere is a
golden rose In the center, in which the
Pope pours balsam, this being sur
rounded with smaller rosebuds and
leaves, all of the purest gold, and chis
eled with exquisite workmanship.
The Savage Bachelor.
"A man who will leave his property
to his wife only-Tin condition of her not
marrying again," said the Sweet Young
Thing, "is as mean as he can be."
"Oh, I don't know," said the Savage
Bachelor.' "Perhaps he Is a friend to
mankind." Indianapolis Journal.
Longest Word in the Language.
The longest word in the English lan
guage is "Proantitransubstantlation-
lst," a jointed word of twenty-eight let
ters. ; "Transubstantlationableness" is
the next longest .
-. About the Right and Left Hand. --
The right hand, which is more sens!-
tlve to the touch than the left is less
sensitive than the latter to the effect
of heat or cold. ; : .
.Addition to self and substraction
from, others comprises some men's sole
knowledge of arithmetic.
The ocean has Its uses; therefore
poets are wrong in calling It a watery
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO-
INGS HERE AND THERE,
Jokes and Jokeleta that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born Saying
and Doings that Are Old, Curious and
Laughable The Week'a Humor. -
"Tour love letters," wrote a Boston
man to his New York fiancee, gently
but firmly, "are not couched In the ex-
actest English." "
'My love letters," replied she, "are
not for publication, but merely as-a
guarantee of good faith," Detroit
An Important One. .
"Thompson has made a discovery."
"Tea. He says that he has discovered
that the more buttons there are on a
woman's coat the greater the probabil
ity that it really fastens with hooks
and eyes." Puck.
"You say the play was entirely with
out a villain V
"Yes that is, if you choose to omit
the author." Indianapolis Press.
How to Get Them to Stop.
Irate Passenger (having caught the
car on a dead run) Suppose I had
missed my footing and bad a leg cut
Conductor You wouldn't had to run
no more; we got orders to stop for
He Look here, my dear. I cannot
afford to entertain on such a scale as
you have indulged in of late.
She John, I really believe you are
just the kind Of a man who would be
perfectly happy if you lived within
your Income. Life.
First Drake I think that young
drake Is very stupid.
Second Duck Oh, yes! He doesn't
know enough to stay out when it rains.
Came Back Viewless. :
Mrs. Gushington 1 suppose, now that
you have been abroad, you have your
own views of foreign life.
Mrs. Newrich No, we ain't got no
views. We didn't take no camera
along. u-It's so awful common. Phila
delphia Record. ,
Increasing; the Chances.
Once it encouraged a boy to be told
that he might become President of the
United States some day. Now It is
neecssary to change the promised prize
to Presidency of a trust New York
"I understand that Frailman has
come to the conclusion to contest his
"Well, what is there courageous about
that; she's dead, isn't she?" Richmond
Ned If you want to marry an heir
ess, why, why don't you propose to
Miss Elderly? She's rich.
Ted Yes; but I object to her past
Ned Why, I thought that she was
above reproach. .----'
Ted It Is; but there's so much of it
Town and Country.
Trying; to Deceive Her.
"No," said the landlady, "we cannot
accommodate you. We only take in
single gentlemen." - . .
"Goodness,", replied Mr. Marryat,
"what makes you think I'm twins?"
. Of Two Evils the Lesser.
Papa Didn't I tell you, Willie, if 1
caught you playing with Tommy Jink
again I would whip you?
Willie-Yes, sir. ...- -
Papa Then why were you playing
Willie Welt I got lonesomer than I
thought a lickin' would hurt, so I just
went over and played with him, that's
Easy for Her.
. Airs. Muggins Mrs. njones is very
regular in her attendance at the moth
ers' meetings. She never misses one.
Mrs. Buggins Why should she? She
hasn't any children to keep her home.
A Call Down for Mr. M.
Meek I should certainly have
some say as to whom my daughter
Mrs. Meek Not at all. Let her alone.
and she'll marry some old fool just
like her mother did. Baltimore World.
- - r A Literary Oracle
"Your friend says he has no trouble
whatever in understanding every para
graph of that voluminous state docu
ment" : - ,
,"Yes. :: I don't know whether to re
gard him with great respect or great
suspicion." Washington Star.
Overheard at Lennox. .
. Tom Does your father know that I
play golf? -. ' i
Alice You don't suppose I've told
him your fallings, do you? Judge.
The Society Monstroclty.
"Those folks in the next flat are aw
'Are they 7" -
'Yes. - She sends her visiting card
over two middle names on it when
he -wants to Dorrow butter." Puck.
Worth More '
"A penny for your thoughts.
'Worth more, weally; make It a
"A franc? Nonsense! Why?"
"Was thinking In Fwench, ye know.
of you, don't ye know." Harlem Life.
Brook'ya Lovers' Vara.
She So this la the end of our en
He It may be for you, but it will
take me a year yet to pv ne bills.
Self PI jr.
"I see Jack Ketcham has been mar
ried to Miss Goldlrox."
'Yes, and I was very sorry to see it"
'Sorry? For her sake or his?"
'For mine. I wanted her." Phila
Doctor Oh! IH pnll you through!
Patient That's right, doctor! I want
to be included In the next census.
A Clear Interpretation.
Pastor I am pained to see, dear
brother, that you will sleep In church
Parishioner Of course. Why not?
Isn't Sunday a day of rest?
The New Baby.
Happy Father We've got
baby up at our house.
Friend So? What do you call him?
H. P. We don't call him; he does
all the calling himself.
Suburban Floral Festtvela.
"Yesterday was sweet-pea day out at
"In bloom already?"
"No, my wife stood over me while I
A Blow to Expectation.
Mrs. Dobbs You told me Mrs. Hobbs
was highly Intellectual.
Mr. Dobbs Didn't you find her so?
Mrs. Dobbs When I called we talked
a solid half hour about clothes.
Where Was He At
She There are some' people I like
and some I don't like.
He What about me?
She Oh, present company is always
Information from Headquarters.
Cleverton Look here, have you been
making love to Miss Summit?
Dashaway Yes, sir, I have.
"Well, do you know that I have been
making love to that girl?"
'So she said."
Colors Hun Mad.
'Have you seen Jack Liflington's new
"No; it is gay, I imagine."
"Gay? He looks like a demented
Easter egg." Life.
He (delightfully) Have you really
and truly never been engaged before?
She Never that is, not In the win
ter. New York Weekly.
Gardening; Expose I,
Mr. Citily I should think you would
raise mushrooms; they are very ex
Mr. Isolate (of Lonleyville, mournful
ly) Everything is expensive by thP
time I have raised it!" Puck.
A Crushing De-Feet.
First Bookkeeper Dobson has been
chuckling to himself over his work all
day. He must see something very
amusing in the figures he's working
Second Bookkeeper That so? Well,
let's watch out and get away the
minute closing-up time comes. His 3-year-old
boy has been saying some
thing cute again.
'Quite an interesting thing happened
at Nupop's house last night."
"There were two interesting things."
"I only heard of one; the arrival of a
son and heir. What was the other?"
"The arrival of another son and
heir." Philadelphia Press.
The Dog's Immune.
Snobbins I should think you'd be
afraid of having that big dog around
you all the time. If I had him I should
be afraid all the time he would go mad.
Snubbins But he doesn't have to live
with you, you know. Boston Tran
He When I tell you that I have
enough to support you In the style In
which you have been accustomed to
live, you must take my simple word
for it -She
But, George, Is that strictly
- Dromedaries Smoke Tobacco.
-Dromedaries are said to be particu
larly fond of tobacco smoke, and can
be made to do almost anything while
under its influence. Travelers, It is as
serted, rely more on their tobacco
smoke for their control over these huge
beasts than anything else. When trav
eling on long journeys the dromedaries
are In many cases required to travel
night and day without rest, and they
are kept up to their task by smoking
cigars. The driver carries a triangular
piece of wood, which is pierced at one
point like a cigarbolder. This is In
serted in the mouth of the animal, the
cigar being lit and pressed into the
hole. . The dromedary closes its eyes
and puffs awty . through its nostrils
until the cigar is burned away. The
indulgence appears to refresh it, and
the keeper has no difficulty In persuad
ing the animal to plod on without
further rest. Pittsburg Dispatch.
- Age of Marriage.
I The average age at which men marry
Is 27.7 years, while the average age at
which women marry Is 25 years.