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About Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909 | View Entire Issue (May 24, 1901)
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The Iuternational Exposition at Glasgow, Scotland, recently opined, is built on the finest site in the city, in the West End
Park. The grounds and buildings cover 100 acres. Just under the buildings is the Uiver Kelvin, and beyond are the steep
banks of the river dotted with white pavilions. On the top of the hanks, throned above the whole city, is the university.
Towards the right are the terraces which mark the sky line, green! ramparts on which are built some of the mansions
. where the wealthier residents of the city have their homes. . ( - -
The buildings are divided into three parts, the industrial hall, the art gallery, and the machinery hall. Apart from
, Great Britain and Ireland, Russia is the largest exhibiter, .and its buildings form one of the most striking features of
the exhibition. Next in importance to the Russian is the French section, occupied by 400 exhibitors. - CanadTi is the
greatest exhibiter among the British co'.onies. The United States is not officially represented, but American manufac
turers are represented, particularly in the machinery section. - V" :. -
THE LOST GARDEN.
"Somewhere in the distant Southland
Blooms a garden lost to me
Warm with poppies burning fragrant,
.. Drowsy fires I may not see.
"Subtle shadows flit and beckon
Where a white wraith wanders lonely
'Twixt the darkness and the dew.
"In the ruined walls that echoed
Once to happy-hearted moods,
Now the stealthy, lightfoot lizards
Unmolested rear their broods.
"And beneath the oleanders.
No clear voice sings, as of old;
But the fleet caressing sunbeams
Whisper secrets to their mold.
"Though I follow as the southwind
Fares his way through wood and plain,
Though I question hill and valley,
I shall never find again
"My lost garden where lie buried
Joys that swift the glad hours sped;
Only one could bid me enter; .
Only Love and Love is dead!"
(Tj$ HE ladies of St. Mark's were
holding a rummage sale. Beau-
tiful women, high bred -and
dainty, stood behind the counters and j
handled wares with the deftness of
their more humble sisters. The accumu
lation of cast-off articles, which clutter
the attics of every household, was
spread upon the counters and shelves.
Crowds of people, from the lowest to
the highest grade of society, thronged
the store, elbowing each other rudely.
At the further end of the long store was
a table piled high with children's cloth
ing of every description. "Your choice
for 25 cents!" was the motto upon the
card, hung conspicuously above the ta-
' HOMK, JOHN," CBIED NED.
ble. Almost hidden beneath the pile
was a little heap of baby shoes and
stockings, and among them a tiny pair
of blue shoes. They were a bit faded
and worn, with faint creases at heel
and toe, where the chubby foot had
pressed'its weight against mother's
knee. The soft, white hand of the sales
lady seemed to linger caressingly upon
this particular pair, as she sorted over
the clothing for each new customer.
iuere eie luuuu-iuceu insn moth
ers, with their frowsy-headed offsprings
clinging to their skirts; yellow-haired
Swedes, whose wondering blue eyes
took In every detail of the crowded ta
ble, ani dark-browed Italian women
carrying their babies within shawls
that were their only covering. Bernlce
Colby served them all graciously and
sweetly, yet, as each turned away, her
eye glanced with half relief at the tiny
blue shoes, still unclaimed.
"How foolish I am!" she whispered to
herself. "Why cannot I give them up?"
With a sudden Impulse she held them
out as a broad-faced Irish woman, with
a child In her arms, stood beside the
table. -?- . . - .
"Och! Mem, but them's foine, ln
dade," said the woman, with a gay
laugh. "But Jamey's fut ne'er'd squeeze'
into the loikes o them."
A scarlet wave swept Bernice's cheek
as she dropped the little shoes and has
tily sought among the clothing for
something more suitable for the sturdy
"Jamey." . Far back In the store, partly
hidden by the : crowd, a man stood,
watching Bernice's : tab'.e. It was a
dark, handsome face, yet showing the
marks of dissipation." As he witnessed
the little scene a sneer curled his lips. --
"Heartless and cold! Willing to sell
aer dead baby's shoes," he muttered.
Hastily pushing forward, the man ap
proached the table. His upturned coat
collar and the soft felt hat, pulled down
over his brows,-nearly concealed his
face, yet as he brushed past the eyes of
the two met. For a second, the wom
an's heart semed to stand still within
her bosom, as she recognized the man's
face; then he passed by and was gone.
- That night, as Bernlce was : being
driven to her own luxurious home, she
leaned back amidst the. soft cushions
with a weary sigh. Not because of the
unusual exertions of the day was she
spent and weary, but the sight of that
INTERNATIONAL. EXPOSITION AT QLASOOW
dark, gloomy face, that for five years
she had longed, yet dreaded, to see,
had completely' unnerved her.. With
the past thus opened, the .waves of
memory submerged her. Five years
before Bernlce Colby had been a happy
wife and mother. Then the dark angel
had snatched from her arms their pre
cious burden. Selfishly yielding to the
grief that overwhelmed her, she had
neglected her wifely duties until her
husband had . sought more cheerful
company and consolation in the wine
cup. Suddenly awakened to his intem
perate habits, repugnance and disgust
for the time, swept love from her heart,
and heedless of his repentance and re
morse, she drove him from her with
stinging words of bitter scorn.
She sent him from her to do battle
alone with that dreadful demon that
lies In wait for the souls of the weak
and the unwary. Upheld by the praise
of false friends, she deemed herself
wise In thrusting from her so vile a
thing, yet In the long and lonely years
that followed the voice of conscience
spoke loudly in her ear. It said that
she herself was, in a measure, respon:
sible for her husband's downfall. That,
had she been stronger, braver, her love
and faith, her prayers and purity of
living would have saved him. Alas:
She had not stood the test! And so,
though lacking naught that riches can
buy, Bernice Colby was a childless
mother and a wife In name only.
The rummage sale was still In prog
ress, and the next day Bernlce stood
behind her table, smiling and gracious,
though her bright face hid an aching
heart. In turning over the garments
upon her table, she missed one of the
tiny blue shoes, and with a faint smile
she took Its mate and thrust it quickly
within the bosom of her dress. - ,
As the day sped onward, a heavy
storm arose, the most severe or the
season. - A whirlwind of snownakes
blinded her eyes as she left the store,
and hid from her view her own car
riage, as it stood.amons the Ions' lino
of waiting coaches. -
Turning in the wrong direction, she
stumbled into the arms of a mau stand
ing upon the curbstone. Starting back
she glanced up into his face, and their
: "Ned!" - - i.
"Bernlce!" they both exclaimed in a
breath. "Let me see you to your car
riage?" said the man, and without a
word Bernice placed her hand within
his arm. With the touch of those light
fingers, Ned Colby's heart : throbbed
with the love of other days, and words
of tenderness trembled upon his lips
Placing her within the carriage, he was
about to turn away, yet her hand still
clung to his arm. as she said earnestly:
"Oh, Ned! are you not coming too?"
"May I, Bernlce?" questioned he, eag
erly. ' - .. .. . ,
"Come!" answered his wife," drawing
him Jn beside her with both hands.
"Home, John," cried Ned to the won
dering coachman, and the door closed
Tears dimmed th nM arva
at the sound of that ringing voice.
uauK uoa! it's the master!" he mut
tered, as he gathered up his lines.
"Bernlce, like the prodigal son, I have
sinned against heaven, and in thy sight
and am no more worthy-
"Hush, Ned!" whispered Bernic cov
ering his Hds with her hunrf- T i,
done wrong, too. Let us forget the past
and begin our lives anew."
as she leaned towards him there fell
from the folds of .her dress tin. ii
shoe. Holding it up, Bernice whispered
suiuy: . - .
"The baby's shoe." ' .
Thrusting his hand Into his coat
pocket, Ned drew out its mute anJ
crushing them both together In the lit
WHOLE COUNTRY SPECULATION MAD.
MANIA EXTENDS FROM COAST TO COAST.
The country seems to have gone speculation mad. Never before in Amer
ica's history has this mania been so paramount as in the past few months
From coast to coast, men and women, young and old. Ignorant and wise spptt,
the spkculatob facf. plunge in wheat or corn, stock or bond,
so long as they are in with the maddened crowd to make a fortune in a short
space of time. , Here, as In the closer combinations, thousands and tens of
thousands are endeavoring to add a little to their 'gain, ' perhaps made by
bard labor. So general from ocean to ocean has been this speculation that the
government has found it necessary to sound a warning.
tle hand that held them, he bent aud
kissed his wife tenderly. -
"Our baby's shoe!" said he with a
smile. Philadelphia Item.
DAVID D. THOMPSON.
He Is the First Lijman Ever Made
Methodist Editor. -
David D. Thompson, . a" Methodist
layman, of Chicago, was elected edi
tor of the Northwestern Christian Ad
vocate by the Methodist General Book
Committee at Cincinnati. Five ballots
were taken, with Thompson and S. J.
Herben, New York, leading. This is
the first time a-layman has been elect
ed to such a position, and is taken as
indicating the strength lay forces are
exerting in the church. ': The so-called
"Rock River proposition." for "equal
lay representation" in the Methodist
General Conference,, was drafted : by
Thompson in 1907, and adopted in 190C
by ihat body. He was an active mem
ber of the Lockland-Wyoming Church,
while residing . in Cincinuati, aud at
Evanston, 111., where he now lives; but
he has never pteached. J
The" new editor Is 4 8r4i graduate of
Delaware,' Ohio, and - is a son of a
former superintendent for fifty years
of the Western Book Concern printing
DAVID D. TH MI'S )N.
department,; where he arose from an
apprenticeship to assistant editorship of
the Western Christian Advocate. Re
cntly ho has had a. similar position at
Chicago.' . '. . ; - .
. For, several years he was employed
on various Cincinnati daily papers, and
was particularly interested in the labor
agitations of the '. 'SO's, writing ; and
speaking; fearlessly as -an advocate of
Christian socialism, and In behalf of
labor. , He has always advocated tem
perance reform, and wrote a pamphlet.
"Abraham Lincoln and Temperance.'?
Others of his books are "Abraham
Lincoln, the First - American," . and
"John Wesley, as a Social Reformer'
His fellow churchmen speak of him as
a man of deep convictions and a thor
ough Christian in action as well as
principle. ' . - , . -
Thompson- has been editor . of . the
Daily Advocate, published durlng-Gen-eral
Conference session His term will
extend to May. 1904. at Si.250 a ver
Thompson has been for years assistant
and since Dr. Arthur Edwards' death
acting editor of, the Northwestern Ad-
vocate. ' ; -
The United States leads all other na
tions in the matter of fruit growing.
Strawberries were valued at $80,000,
000 last year, and grapes at $100,000,
If a woman's confidence in her hus
band makes you laugh, be kind enough
to both of them not to let her see it.
The amateur violinist Is conrinuailj
bowing and scraping. ,
to nave oeen swept along on the great
. wave of desire to gain a fortune by the
rising or falling of stock and grain.
Not alone Is the epidemic an affair of
the Stock Exchange of New York. Not
a village exists along the great rail
roads of the West which has not men
among its residents . who take
a "turn" at. the market in. tho riH
near to them. In every hamlet, no
matter how unpretentious as to popula
tion, the market prices of corn and
grain are closely watched and over the
wires comes ticking along the request
to buy - or sell, according to what Is
considered the. more fortunate side to
be on. -: -.:y--y.;
, Never in tbe history of the land has
the speculative fever been so madly
general.' If seems to matter little to
the men from one end, of the country
to the other, whether they - take a
HISTORY OP KUBBEB.
WORLD HAS BEEN SLOW TO AP
PRECIATE ITS USES. -
Man Who Came with Colombo Baw
Haitians Playing Ball Early Used
to Exclude Water from Coat and
Boots Increasing Importations,
"The world was a long time learning
the uses and value of rubber. . For two
centuries after the Spaniards saw. the
gum in the hands of natives of the new
world, it was little more than a curi
osity. Old Herrea, who went with Co
lumbus on his second .voyage, made a
note of an elastic ball which was mold
ed from the gum of a tree. At their
games the nude Haytians made it
bound high In the air. The Aztecs were
familiar with the gum and called it
ule, and from them the Spaniards
learned to smear it on their coats to
keep out the wet. . They had crossed
the seas for gold, and never dreamed
of a time when the sticky milk the un
couth Indians drew from strange trees
would be worth more than ' all the
treasure of the hills. (On Feb. 23, 1899,
a ship carrying a cargo of 1,107 tons
of rubber valued at $2,210,000 sailed
from Para, for New York, leaving 200
tons behind on the wharf.) Jose, King
of Portugal, in 1555, comes down to us
as the wearer of a pair of boots sent
out to Para to be covered with a water
proof gum. Yet three hundred years
were to elapse before a Connecticut
Yankee should make a' pair of boots
of rubber which would not decompose.
Dr. Priestley, author of a work on 'Per
spective,' now forgotten, recorded that
caoutchouc (pronounced 'kachook') was
useful in small cubes for rubbing out
pencil marks hence the name rubber.
The India linked with It refers to the
savages who gathered it in the Amazon
wilderness. Dr. Priestley's cubes were
half an inch long and sold for three
shillings, or seventy-five cents apiece.
A stiff price, for the finest rubber to
day is a dollar a pound. Its price for
ten years has ranged from sixty-two
cents to $1.09. The conversion of the
gum to useful purposes made but slow
headway. ; The first waterproof cloth
In 179T was the work of -an English
man.' It was tentative, and, of course,
It would not : stand . heat In 1823
Charles Mackintosh, of Glasgow, dis
covered naphtha, aud, dissolving rub
ber in it, produced a varnish - which,
when spread on cloth,5 made it really
impervious to water. As late as 1830
the importation of rubber into England
amounted only to 50,000 pounds., f in
1899 ho less than 16,075,584 .: pounds
were consumed In that country, and the
consumption In - the United States
reached 51,606,737 pounds. . Most of the
rubber -used in the w&tld still comes
from equatorial South America, and the
forests where the Indians gathered ule
are as dense to-day and almost as little
known to white men as in the time of
Cortez." Ainslee's. - ..
COMICAL WAS CORRIGAN.
An Old-Kashlone I Traveling Showman
. and Ventri oqnist. - .
'I suppose there are more queer by
ways in the show business than in any
other vocation, on earth,", said an ad
vance agent, chatting af fer the perfor
mance a few'uiguf's aiS.7r "Fran acrifis
one of the oddities rpcgntly,' he con
tinued, "in the person of a .Single-handed
entertainer, who has been working
a quietJittle circuit of W'a own for the
last twenty years, -antf is1 beginning to
think about retiring On a snng .fortune,
yet; I doubt whether you. could, find a
soul in the city who ever heard of him.
My discovery of the ' gentleman -was
due to a mislaid railroad schedule that
forced me. to stop over night at a
dreary little country-town in West Vir
ginia. " Looking around the 'office' of
the hotel, which was also dining-room,
reading room and smoking room, I was
surprised to see a handbill announcing
that Comical Corrigan would "give one
of his: well-known and Justly popular
entertainments at the brick church that
evening. The poster went on to say
that there was nothing about the show
to offend the most fastidious; that It
would include comic; and sentimental
ballads, Imitations of wild beasts, ven
triloquisms, selections on fourteen sep
arate and distinct musical' instruments,
a funny stump speech and refined jig
and wing dancing, the-whole, to con
clude with 'an exhibition" of prestidigi
tation or parlor magic' :f-:'
"That sounded promising, so after
9upper I sauntered around to the brick
church, which I found crowded to the
doors..,. I managed .to get a seat, how
ever, and, upon my word, I haven't en
joyed . myself- as much - for years,"
quotes the New Orleans Crimes- Demo
crat. "I was transported back to my
boyhood's happy days, and .for two
solid hours I forgot I had a trouble on
earth. Comical Corrigan turned out to
be a plump, rosy person,-with a flexible
face and a jovial eye, and his entertain
ment was exactly.; what I remember
seeing at-our old town hall when I was
a little shaver pt 9. orr 10 the same
good, old jokes, the same conundrums,
the same "stories, the same songs I
don't believe I missed a single boyhood
favorite. In the ventriloquism selection
he hauled out the twodolls I hadn't
seen for so many years; perched them
on his knees and began the well-remembered
dialogue: 'Well, Sammy,
how do you feel?' he asks. .'With my
fingers,' squeaks Sammy.f in falsetto.
Then Comical Corrigan whacked him
over the head and we all roared with
laughter. Wlien Mr. Corrigan an
nounced that he would 'now recite a
pathetic recitation by special request,'
I -knew he would favor us with 'Cur
few Shall Not King To-night' tefore he
opened his mouth, and when he asked
for a ring to grind to atoms and fire
from a pistol in his chaste seance of
prestidigitation, .or parlor magic, I
could hardly get mine off quick enough,
I was so anxious to see that dear old
trick done again. ; ' '
; "After it Was all over I met Corrigan
and found him a first-rate fellow. He
told' me he had been doing that sort of
thing ever since 1880 drifted into it by
degrees, organizing his circuit of towns,
making friends of the church and fra
ternal '; order - people and gradually
building up a clientele that was now as
regular and steady as a clock. He
sticks to small places, . makes the
rounds once a season, and is welcomed
everywhere as an old friend. , He la
under next to no expense, and If it
rains on any given date be simply stays
over and gives the show the next night
I thought of the trials and vexations of
piloting a big company over the road,"
added tbe advance agent "and I en
vied him from the bottom of my
heart" -' - , r . . , ...
Fooled Htm. '..'" V
Up in Harlem there lives an old gen
tleman who is remarkable for his absent-mindedness,
his nervousness and
his disposition to go off at half cock.
The other night he attended a dinner
and did not teach home until 1 o'clock.
He was feeling pretty good, but he was
master of his movements. He does not
carry a night key, as he seldom goes out
after dark, so he rang the doorbell, and
his daughter, who had been sitting up
for him, opened the door. Her mother
had gone to bed and was sound asleep.
The ' daughter " is a rather waggish
young woman, and, as she opened the
door, she said: : "Just think It's . 1
o'clock and papa Isn't in bed."
"What!" yelled the old gentleman.
"Not in bed? Where is he, then? Oh,
he must be In bed!"
"; "Yon can look for yourself, father,"
said she with a grave countenance. -. :
Up the stairs he hurried, full of ex
citement. He ran Into the bedroom. A
Hgbt was dimly burning, his wife was
sound asleep, but sue was alone. ;
. His daughter had followed him up
stairs. . -
"My heavens, daughter, where can
he be?" cried the old man In alarm.
"Here he Is, father," said the young
woman, leading him up to the mirror
over the chiffonier. -
The old man looked and tumbled, and
it cost him a half dozen pairs of gloves
to keep the incident from reaching the
ears of his wife. New York Evening
World. . .;
An Exclusive Colony.
Those who work in the Du Pont pow
der mills on the Brandywine, in Dela
ware, form a queer colony. They are
all Irish people,; whose ancestors came
to this country when the Du Ponts
started in business and went to work
for them. For generations, the Du
Ponts and these people have passed
their positions from father to son; Like
their employers, they intermarry and
are very exclusive. They live on what
are called Du Pont's banks, which are
about three miles from Wilmington.
The people of Wilmington know hardly
anything about them, for they have few
outside acquaintances,' and their visits
are not frequent. The hills about the
banks are the highest in Delaware, and
it is at ;the base of them, that these
The town is lighted at night by the
electric plant In the works. The people
have their own places of amusements,
the principal being the Brandywine
Club, which has a finer building than
any club in Wilmington. They also have
dances and theatricals frequently. Near
ly every one of them has lost a relative
by an accident in the works. They have
their own graveyard, too.-New' York
Press. '- " - .
A Helpful Institution.
A lunch room has been opened in
Kansas City, under the auspices of the
Young Woman's Christian -Association,
where rood is sold at exact cost. The
prices seem almost impossible, but judi
cious management '. will . accomplish
wonders. Cream of tomato soup is sold
for 5 cents; roast beef with potatoes,
the same; two salmon croquettes cost 2
cents; mashed potatoes the same; peas,
3 cents; cabbage salad, 4; apple pie, it;
coffee, tea or milk, 3; cheese, .1 cent;
two sandwiches, 5 cents; a hot roll, 1
cent; butter, 1 cent . The men have
found out this wonderful opportunity to
get food at cost prices and are begin
ning to edge their way In among the
women. ,- Unless they become too nu
merous fhey will not be debarred. . Let
us hope so kindly an Institution will
prosper, and pave the way for many
similar ones. ?-' ' :
- Klepnants in England.
While excavating for the foundations
for the new buildings of the Victoria
and Albert museums In South Kensing
ton a car load of fossilized bones was
brought to the surface by the workmen.
These were taken in charge by Dr.
Woodward,, of the geological " depart
ment, who pronounced them the . re
mains of the primitive denizens of the
soil that lived there .before man eame
to Interfere with them.. The bones be
longed, he said to a London newspaper
representative, to the elephant, the stag
and the primeval horse, and date back
to a time before Great Britain became
isolated,' ere yet the Straits of Dover
had been cut through.
I, Not Ijearned in Society Ways. -
"There is no use of talking," said
one navy officer: "I can't help admiring
that man Noah, ? The way he built his
own boat and then sailed it was re
markable." . " :
, "Yes," answered the other.. "It show
ed good workmanship. But, you see,
Noah wasn't obliged to represent any
body diplomatically when he touched
at foreign ports. I doubt very much if
he would have known how to behave
in a drawing room." .
" Sickle from the Sphinx. "
The oldest piece of wrought iron in
existence is believed to be a roughly
fashioned sickle blade found by Bel
zonl, in Karnas, near Thebes. It was
Imbedded in mortar under the base of
the sphinx, and on that 'account is
known as "the sickle of the sphinx."
It is now in the British museum, and Is
believed to be nearly 4,000 years old.
... His Next Meal.
"That man says - he never knows
where he's going to get his next' meaL"
. "Is he so poor?" , ,
"No, but he's a collector and eats
wherever he happens to be." Philadel
phia Bulletin. -
Only a "Bluff."
;- The Parson I hope you are not going
fishing on Sunday, my little man.
: The Kid O, no, sir; I am merely car
rying this rod so those wicked boys
across the street will not suspect that 1
am on my way to Sunday school.
The more holes there are in a sponge
the more water It will hold.
Brevity is the soul of . wit but It
doesn't always embody the truth.
flUMOB OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Curious and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por
trayed by Kmlnent Word Artists of
Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun. "
Farmer See here, you!- Yon remem
ber putting two lightning rods on my
barn last spring, didn't you? Well, that
barn was struck six weeks after and
Peddler Struck by lightning? .
' "It was." " ... t - :
"In the daytime?" .
"No; at night"
"Must'a' been a dark night, wasn't
"Yes; dark as pitch." .
I "What lanterns?"
"Didn't you run lanterns up 'em dark
- "Never heard o' anything like that"
"Well, if you didn't know enough to
keep your lightning rods showin' you
needn't blame me. G-lang!"
Depends on the I'oztor's Bill.
Brown That was a lovely basket of
fruit you were carrying : home last
night, Jones. How much did it cost
yon? - ; ...
I Jones I don't know. The doctor is
still at the house. - -
"1 notice," said Bronco Bob, "that
you make a rule at a political gatherin'
to have all the speaker's close friends
an partners lined up on the platform
with him." . , -
"Yes; he is usually accompanied by
some of the distinguished men of his
- "Well, it's a mighty good idea. In
Crimson Gulch, when a man has any
thing to say, he jes' gets up on the keg
an' takes his chances.. But I'll have
the boys adopt your way. It keeps the
opposition from' makin' a man redick
leous by comin' up behind an' gettin'
the dfpp on him while he is bowin
and scrapin' to the folks in front"
Enough for Him.
. Eeuben I suppose Sal Whlffletree is
all th' world tew yew, Josh? '
Josh WaL no; but she's all I want
uv . It forty dern good acres and a
peach orchard! Puck. " .
"-" --'' Left. '
' Wylkins Did you ever run for office?
Wylkins What luck? W
Watkyns The office ran about twice
as fast as I did. Somerville Journal. .
The Benefit of the Doubt.
"Don't you think, some of our Con
gressmen" waste a great deal of their
time?" ' ' . -:
"Well," answered Senator Sorghum,
with great deliberation,-"you ought not
to be too hasty in judging. Unless you
look through a man's private ledger,
how are you going to know whether he
has been wasting his time or not?"
:".-.-'-" The Sponge and Its Uses.
, Two little girls with snub roses and
public-school voices stood in front of
the window of a Third avenue drug
store yesterday afternoon.
"My!" said one. "Look at the
sponges! 'Most : a thousand of 'em.
WThat d'yer s'pose they use 'em all for?
I didn't think they was so many slates
In the world." The other-little girl
looked at her companion with withering
scorn. . " .
"Don't yer know," she sniffed con
temptuously, "that windows has to be
washedrVNew York Commercial Ad
'-'."".--. Profitable Poetry,
Bobbs There goes a fellow who got
$1,000 for a spring poem.
Dobbs Lucky fellow!
Bobbs Yes, it was a poem to adver
tise a car spring. Baltimore American.
On the Beat.
Joakley Well, well, the greed of
these policemen! - ..
Coaktey What's the matter now? -
Joakley Why, . haven't you heard
about this new Copper Trust? Phila
delphia Press. ..
It Cnred Her.
"No," said the man In the mackin
tosh, "my wife doesn't give away any
of my old Clothes or sell them to the
ragman any more. I cured that habit
effectually once," : : "
- "How was that?" they asked him.
"When I fould she had disposed of a
coat I hadn't worn for several weeks I
told her there was a letter In it she had
given me to mail the last time I had it
on. And that was no lie, either," be
added, with deep satisfaction. -
,, The Family Silver.-.
, "Fer the land's sake," said the wom
an in the blue Mother Hubbard as she
fastened the clothesline to the division
fence,' "what do you think of them
Joneses telling around that the burglars
got in their house an' stole the family
silver? Family silver! Huh!" r -
"It's so, though," said the woman in
the next lot . "They had a dollar aa' a
quarter piled on the mantelpiece fer the
grocery bill, an' It was all in sliver."
Indianapolis Press. - -
An Earnest Worshlppsr.
Dashaway Miss Calloway took me
aside yesterday and wanted to know
my honest opinion of you.
Cleverton I hope, old man, that you
gave me a clever send-off! -
"Certainly.. I told her that you never
made love to a girl In your life that
you didn't mean it" : v
. . . .... .......
Mr. Isaacstein Mist her Rnl fatal n Ait
a shentleman gome in here a leedle vile
ago mlt hees hat all smashed und dirty.
una puy a new one?
Mr. Goldstein Veil, maype he might
I dunno. : . '
- Mr. Isaacstein Veil, If he dit I glalm
a bercentage. . , -
Mr. Goldstein Vy Is dot? -Mr.
Isaacstein Pecause it vas mine
leedle Ikey vat trowed der panapa peel
on der sitevalk. -
; Brlggs Do you think he really loves
her? - - ; ' . .
Griggs Of course. How can he help '
but love a girl with as much money as
. . ' 1 Push and Poll.
She He's in thejmsh, all right
He How did he get there?
She-Ou, he had a pull.
Spring Warning. . v
Let as then be up and working ,
With our hoe and with oar spade,
' Wiae Restraint.
"There's one characteristic in men I
profoundly arimlra " !
"What is it, Becky?"
"TheV Can be RO raMnct mart At anon
other and not show it."
Not a Buffaln.
"Aguinaldo says he will not attend
the Buffalo exposition."
: "Why not?" , ; .' v .
"Because he is not a Buffalo." Ohio
A Man of Peace. , . ' !
Biggs There goes a man who will
fight at the drop of a hat '
Diggs Who Is he? .
State Journal. .
Friday Not Unlucky.
Quizz Do you thing Friday an un
lucky day to move? . .
Bizz Not for me; I moved on Friday
and found out if I'd waited until Sat
urday my goods would have been at-;
tached for rent Ohio State Journal.
first Boarder i)o you believe In the"
salt cure? .. ..
Second Boarder No, but since bufv
landlady gives us mackerel every morn
ing what's the use; to object Ohio.
State Journal. " .
The Hat Got It.
Dashleigh Did Miss Avoirdupois,
make an impression on you at the re-;
ception last night?
Flashlelgn No, I am happy to say it
was my hat. Ohio State Journal. ,
A Model Relative. --
"I reckon Bobby's got a letter from
his uncle." .
"Shouldn't Wonder. He's alius been
purty kind to Bobby." -
"Yes; he's the sort of feller that prom--'
ises to give a boy a lot of presents if'j
he's good, an' gives 'em to him any-'
how." Puck. "
Changed the Prescription.
Patient Doctor, . would -you mind,
8tODDintr at the drne store and navine!
for this prescription." I'm "snort of
change. . . ' "
Doctor (hurriedly writing .another
prescription) Excuse me. I made a
mistake. You, don't need any .nerve
One to Be Avoid -d.
"Do you see that very ordinary-look-in"-man
over there?" '
es; what of it?"
"He's a man with a history.". ""
"A man with a history! What has he;
ever done?" - ' '
"Nothing at all. He's selling the ffls7
tory by subscription."
A True Prophecy.
"The late editor's wife Is something
of a humorist"
"Yes; took a line from his original
salutatory aud placed It on his tomb
stone: "What was it?" "' ' J
"'We are here to stay!".' '
Willie Pa, what's an "old flame?" '
' ' Pa My son, when a man speaks of
"his old flame" he refers to something
over which he used to burn his money.
.."I never tell all I know," he said, In
tending to be mysterious. :.
"Well," she replied, 'it certainly can't
be because you don't have time."
. Hawsers of Monster Size.
The largest cable of modern times Is
the manilla hawser which was used to
tow the drydock to Havana. It Is twen-
ty-three Inches in circumference, but
It is by no means the largest that ever
i as been made, although it has the rep
utation of breaking the record.
There are at least two others of a
greater circumference, but both ol&rr.
One of these had a : circumference of
twenty-three Inches, and was used for
the purpose of anchoring the ship North '
Carolina in the navy yard at Brooklyn,
while the other was a tweniy-four-lnch
hawser, which was used as a sheet-anchor
cable on the Tennessee, when she
was stationed in tbe Mediterranean la
the '80s. ;:.; " ;;;. :,: "
Such" an enormous rope was naturally
found to be unwieldy, a fact which was
abundantly.. demonstrated, when ' the
vessel encountered a storm In the Hay
of .Naples. -When the Tennessee re
turned to her native home ih' Amerlcjji
the hawser was sent to the oakum mills
and made it Into oakum. '
All things are for the best and every
mother's son of us thinks he's It