PACIFIC COAST NEWS
Commercial and Financial Happenings
of Interest in the Growing
Western States.
Butchered Seven Whales.
W. C. King, of Sand Lake, writes to
the Tillamook, Or., Headlight, the fol
lowing story of the killing of seven
stranded whales:
On May 10, as O. R. Chamberlain
was walking along the beach, he dis
covered some black objects in the edge
of the water, and upon approaching
earer he discovered that they were
wnales, which had become stranded
from some cause or other. There were
seven of them, and they were making
tremendous effort to get back into deep
water, without avail. The tide was
Waving them. They would open their
months and draw in about a barrel of
water and then spurt it through the
bole in the top of their head 20 feet
into the air, and lying sometimes on
their sides it was like getting in the
cross-fire of a hose company. Mr.
Chamberlain made tracks for home to
get his gun and a butcher knife to
carve them up. On his return he
turned loose with his gun to kill them,
but after wasting a few shots he saw
that he could not kill them in that
way, so he sailed into them with his
butcher knife, and stuck them as you
would a hog. That did the work, and
he soon had seven whales strung on the
beach that were from eight to 18 feet
long.
He at once commenced to strip the
blubber from the outside of the body
and inside the head. The fat was cut
into six-inch strips and thrown across
a horse's back and taken home and ren
dered ont, which will amount to several
barrels. It has a market value, and
Mr. Chamberlain will likely realize
considerable from it.
Insurance Bate Lets.
Representatives of the Pacific Board
of Underwriters have finally lowered
the rate of insurance on all business
property in The Dalles, Or. This in
cludes the larger portion of the build
ings below the bluff, and the rates in
some cases were lowered much more
than the citizens had reason to expect.
This action on the part of the insurance
companies is taken as a result of the
increased facilities for fighting fire here
above the other cities of the class in
the Northwest. A perfect fire alarm
system is how in order, and the lecent
chemical enigne and hook and ladder
tests have proved very satisfactory.
Quarantine at Ashland.
George H. McGeer, M. D., acting
assistant surgeon of the United States
marine hospital service, has been
ordered from San Francisco to Ash
land by the quarantine service, to in
spect all Chinese and Japanese passen
gers of the Southern Pacific passenger
trains coming into Oregon from Cali
fornia, and see that they have certifi
cates showing them to have been ex
empt fiom the contagion of the bubonic
plague before entering Oregon.
Valuable Onyx Mine.
Spokane, May 22. O. M. Rosendale,
a mining engineer of Portland, tells of
the onyx quarry, about 60 miles north
of here, in Stevens county, Two steam
drills and a saw mill are at work min
ing and cutting the onyx, which is the
finest of its kind in this country. It
takes a high polish and the colors are
rich green and black. The deposit is
about 300 by 1,000 feet and the saw
mill is fitted with huge gang saws for
cutting the mineral slabs. This Stev
ens county onyx will rival that of the
old world.
In a bunch of beef cattle delivered
in Arlington, Or., by Joseph Frizzell,
there were three steers that weighed
5,000 pounds. An Eastern buyer who
saw them said he bad never seen finer
steers in the Chicago market. The
steers were photographed in Arlington,
and before an hour 40 copies of the
pictures were ordered. They were
grade Herefords of the Danneman
stock.
The season at the United States fish
commission station, at Baker lake,
Wash., situated at the headwaters of a
branch of Skagit river, is practically at
a close. It is estimated that upward
of 90 per cent of the salmon taken pro
duced young fry and that more than
10,500,000 healthy young salmon, of
the sockeye or blueback variety, were
liberated as a result of the work at the
Btation.
The Belgian hare craze has struck
Baker City, Or., says the Democrat.
Bela Kadisb and Moses Fuchs have
gone into the business on a limited
scale, with the chances of enlarging
their business into ponderous propor
tions off a small capital. Messrs. Rad
ish and Fuchs received a day or so go
two does from a rabbitry in California,
and the pedigrees attached to them
would make a Percheron stallion
ashamed of himselt.
Work is progressing nicely on the
water works at North Bend, Coos coun
ty, Or. Water is being brought from
Pony slough and a reservoir of 100,000
gallons capacity will be constructed
on the hill back of town. From this
reservoir water will be carried in
pipes to every residence in the place
and will have a pressure of 55 pounds
to the inch.
The Grant's Pass, Or., New Water,
Light & Power Company is erecting on
the west side ot their power house a
building for the making of ice. This
plant will be supplied with the latest
Improved horizontal compressors, with
capacity of making six tons of ice a
day. The company is also making
arrangements to operate an irrigation
ditch this summer, that will carry 500
inches of water in an open ditch, to
irrigate many hundred acres of land
below the power house.
The flouring mills at Chelan Falls,
Wash., is now running night and day
to keep up with orders. The greatest
difficulty is transportation up the river.
All three steamboats are now loaded
to their fullest capacity every trip, and
till freight is piling up at Wena tehee.
The Inland Telephone & Telegraph
Company, of Spokane, Wash., will be
gin work in a few days on a new line
from Coulee City, in Grand Coulee, to
Waterville, Douglas county, in the Big
Bend country. This new line will be
5 miles long.
TRADE IS QUIETER.
Quotations Hare Weakened In Several
Lines of Business.
Bradstreet's says: Trade is, if any
thing, quieter and prices are lower than
a week ago, while efforts toward a re
adjustment of productive capacity to
present conditions, are noted in several
lines of industry, notably iron and steel
and lumber. Unsettled conditions in
the cotton trade, and a large failure,
due mainly to overstapling the bull side
of the staple, has tended to weaken
quotations in several lines of speculative
business. Backward crop reports and
the backward demand for cotton goods
are of course partly responsible for the
sharp break, but statistically the staple
remains very strong.
Advices from the dry goods trade are
of backward demand at retail, affecting
orders in many lines, but cotton goods
production is still heavy.
The boot and shoe market is dull
with manufacturers firm but with job
bers asking for lower prices.
Lumber is on the whole weaker,
partly owing to the unsettled conditions
in the building trade and partly to the
feeling that prices have been pushed
too high, and this feeling is likewise
true of a number of ether lines.
Almost alone among iron and steel
products, structural material is firm
and much is hoped for in the direction
of new business. The weakness in cast
iron pipe is inducing some curtailment
of production, notably at the South.
Wheat, including flour, shipments for
the week aggregate 3,698,968 bushels,
against 5,178,422 bushels last week.
Business failures for the week num
ber 167 in the United States, compared
with 155 last week.
In the Dominion of Canada business
failures for the week number 18, as
compared with 24 last week.
PACI FIC COAST TRADE.
Seattle Markets.
Onions, $9.
Lettuce, hothouse, 40 45c doz.
Potatoes, $16 17; $17 18.
Beets, per sack, 50 60c.
Turnips, per sack, 40 60c.
Carrots, per sack, $1.
Parsnips, per sack, 50 75c.
Cauliflower, California 85 90c.
, Strawberries $2.25per case.
Celery 40 60c per doz.
Cabbage, native and California,
$1.00 1.25 per 100 pounds.
Apples, $2.002.75; $3.003.50.
Prunes, 60c per box.
Butter Creamery, 22c; Eastern 22c;
dairy, 1722c; ranch, 15 17c pound.
Eggs 18c.
Cheese 14 15c.
Poultry 14c; dressed, 14 15c;
spring, $5.
:Hay Puget Sound timothy, $11.00
12.00; choice Eastern Washington
timothy, $18.00 19.00
Corn Whole, $28.00; cracked, $23;
feed meal, $23.
Barley Rolled or ground, per ton,
$20.
" Flour Patent, per barrel, $8.25;
blended straights, $3.00; California,
$3.26; buckwheat flour, $6.00; trra
ham, per barrel, $3.00; whole wheat
flour, $3.00; rye flour, $3.04.00.
Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $13.00;
shorts, per ton, $14.00.
Feed Chopped feed, $19.00 per ton;
middlings, per ton, $20; oil cake meal,
per ton, $30.00.
' Fresh Meats Choice dressed beef
steers, price 8c; cows, 7c; mutton 8c;
pork, 8c; trimmed, 9c; veal, 8
10c.
Hams Large, 13c; small, 13H;
breakfast bacon, 12c; dry salt sides,
8c.
Portland Market.
Wheat Walla Walla. 51 62c;
Valley, 52c; Bluestem, 54c per bushel.
Flour Best grades, $3.00; graham,
$2.50; superfine, $2.10 per barrel.
Oats Choice white, 86c; choice
gray, 83c per bushel.
Barley Feed barley, $14 14.50;
brewing, $16.00 16.-50 per ton.
Millstuffs Bran, $13 per ton; mid
dlings, $19; shorts, $15; chop, $14 per
ton.
Hay Timothy, $9 11; clover, $7
7.60; Oregon wild hay, $6 7 per ton.
Butter Fancy creamery, 80 85c;
seconds, 45c; dairy, 25 80c;
store, 22 25c.
Eggs 13c per dozen.
Cheese Oregon full cream, 13c;
Young America, 14c; new cheese 10c
per pound.
Poultry Chickens, mixed, $4.00
4.50 per dozen; hens, $5.00; springs,
$2.503.50; geese, $6.508.00 for old;
$4.506.60; ducks, $6.007.00 per
dozen; turkeys, live, 14 15c per
pound.
Potatoes 40 65c per sack; sweets,
22,1c per pouna.
Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 75c;
per sack; garlic, 7c per pound; cab
bage, 1 So per pound; parsnips, 75;
onions, 3c per pound; carrots, 50c.
Hope-r-28o per pound
Wool Valley, 12 13c per pound;
Eastern Oregon, 10 15c; mohair, 27
30c per pound.
Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers
and ewes, 8?4c; dressed mutton, 7
7 'ac per pound; lambs, 5,Vac
Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00;
light and feeders, $4.50; dressed,
$5.00 6.50 per 100 pounds.
Beef Gross, top steers, $4.004.50;
cows, $3.504.00; dressed beef, 6
7o per pound.
Veal Large, 667c; small, 8
8 o per pound.
Tallow 55c; No. 2 and grease,
3 la4c per pound.
San Francisco Market.
Wool Spring Nevada, 14 16c per
pound; Eastern Oregon, 12 16c; Val
ley, 20 22c; Northern, 10 12c.
Hops 1899 crop, 11 13c per
pound.
Butter Fancy creamery 1717Kc;
do seconds, 16162c; fancy dairy,
16c; do seconds, 14 15c per pound.
Eggs Store, 15c; fancy ranch,
17c.
Millstuffs Middlings, $17.00
20.00; bran, $12.50 13.50.
Hay Wheat $6.509.50; wheat and
oat $6.009.00; best barley $5.00
7.00; alfalfa, $5.006.50 per ton;
straw, 25 40c per bale.
Potatoes Early Rose, 60 65c; Ore
gon Burbanks, 70c $1.00; river Bur
banks, 4075c; Salinas Burbanks,
80c1.10 per sack.
Citrus Fruit Oranges, Valencia,
$2. 76 3. 25; Mexican limes, $4.00
6.00; California lemons 75c$1.60;
do choice $1.75 2.00 per box.
Tropical Fruits Bananas, $1.50
2.60 per bunch; pineapples, nom
inal; Persian dates, 662c per
pound.
Max Pemberton's serial novel, "Feo,"
will soon be published in book form.
"Toomey and Others" is a volume ot
short stories of the East Side, by Rob
ert Shackleton. 1
The manuscript of "Lorna Doone"
was submitted to eighteen publishing
firms before it was finally accepted.
"The Black Wolf's Breed," a romance
of the time of Louis XIV., is by Harris
Dickson, a young Southern writer only
31 years old.
"The Dear Irish Girl," by Katharine
Tynan HInkson, is published by A. C.
McClurg & Co., and is pronounced a
very charming story.
Mr. Anstey bus made a play out of
bis really humorous Punch novel, "The
Man from Blankley's," and it will soon
be produced In London.
Constance Garnett has made a trans
lation of "The Jew and Other Stories,"
by Ivan Turgeneff. This volume com
pletes this edition of Turgeneff's nov
els, and contains an Introduction by Dr.
Garnett, in which be places the Rus
sian above all other novelists as the su
preme artist.
William Pett Ridge's new novel, "A
Breaker of Laws," will be published In
this country by the Macmillan Com
pany at once. Many people will remem
ber this writer's clever work In a story
of the east end of London called "Mord
Em'ly." He has already written four
or five other novels, among which "A
Clever Wife" and "The Second Oppor
tunity of Mr. Staplehurst," attracted
some attention. "A Breaker of Laws"
takes its name from the chief character
in the book, a cockney burglar.
Apropos of the vogue of the historical
romance, It is related of "To Have and
to Hold," Mary Johnston's story of the
Jamestown settlement, that It had
been folowed throughout Its career in
the Atlantic to within a month or two
of Its conclusion by a practical, hard
headed man of business. The practical,
hard-headed man of business one day
had occasion to call on the publishers
of the book. He espied the book upon
a desk,' and though he had come to sell
paper, not to buy books, he refused to
do anything until he had sat down In
an out-of-the-way corner of the office
and finished the story which had so
seized upon his fancy.
TROUBLES OF POOR LO.
This Indian Says John D. Rockefeller
Wants His Land.
Waw-aleep-eshee-ka, the Delaware
chief, who is at war with John D.
Rockefeller, declares that if there, ever
was a time when citizenship was de
sirable the time has passed. He does
not wish to be a citizen of a community
which pays rent to foreign landlords
and receives wages from foreign task
masters. He says that his tribe has
been moved again and again by the
greed of the white man, and will move
no more. He Is wealthy and educated,
and is willing to use all his money and
WAW-ALEEP-ESHEE-KA.
brains to prevent the Standard OH
magnate from grabbing the 300 square
miles in the Indian Territory, where
oil is smelled by the keen-scented
monopolist. He has engaged Walter
S. Logan and Harx E. Harby, of New
York, to lay his case before the United
States Court of Claims, but has little
hope of justice. He says the white
man has never kept faith with the In
dians since- -William Penn's treaty in
16S2, and probably never wilL Waw-aleep-eshee-ka
is known to civilization
as Richard C. Adams, and he has writ
ten a book, which he calls "A Delaware
Indian Legend and the Story of Their
Troubles."
Uncompromising.
Small boy Wanter buy a dog, mis
ter? (Mr. Dignefide Not that kind of a dog.
Why, he looks as If he had fleas!
Small boy He has got 'em, but yer
got ter glv' dat dog credit fer wun t'lng.
Mr. Digneflde And what's that?
Small boy He don't like 'em. Ohio
State Journal.
Germs.
"Doctor, I wonder if I'm not getting
old?"
"Quite possibly. The bacillus of old
age Is very prevalent this spring."
Detroit Journal.
Two Schools of Vegetarians.
There are two schools of vegetarians.
One favors vegetable food which grows
below the earth's surface, and the oth
er favors that which grows above.
Poor IA Hons; Chang.
LI Hung Chang is reputed to be
worth 100,000,000.
A woman can make a mental inven
tory of another woman's attire in half
a minute but she usually wastes a
whole afternoon in telling her niegb
bors the details.
The average man appreciates his
wife's temper so much that he doesn't
like to have her lose It.
CRONJE'S SURRENDER.
British Writer's Graphic Description
of That Dramatic Event.
One of the most dramatic events of
the war in South Africa was the sur
render of the brave Boer leader. Gen.
Cronje, who for nearly ten days held at
bay the vastly superior army of Great
Britain, while he and his followers
were cooped up In the bed of the Mod
der River, near Paardeburg.
Describing the surrender and the ar
rival of Cronje In the British camp a
British correspondent says:
"Presently a body of horsemen came
past the hospital tents into the camp.
Maj. Gen. Prettyman was one of the
leading horsemen. By his Bide a great
heavy bundle of a man was mounted
on a wretched little gray Boer pony.
And this was the terrible Cronje? Was
it possible that this was the man who
had held back the British army at
Magersfonteln? Great square should
ers, from which the heavy head was
THE SURRENDER
thrust forward so that he seemed al
most humped; a heavy face, shapeless
with unkempt, gray-tinged black hair;
lowering, heavy brows, from under
which small, cunning, foxy eyes peered
shiftily. A broad brimmed gray Boer
felt bat was pulled down low, a loose
brown overcoat, ordinary dark trou
sers; nothing military, not even spurs
n his brown veldt boots. The only
thing he carried that seemed to speak
authority was a thick, heavy stocked
whip of hide, which he grasped and
swung as one accustomed to use it. By
his side rode his secretary and inter
preter, a long, bony young man, with a
straggling red beard and very light eye
brows and eyelashes. They passed into
the square of highlanders, who bad
been drawn up to receive tbem.
" 'Commandant Cronje,' was the brief
Introduction, as the Boer leader swung
himself heavily off his pony and, curt
ly answering Lord Roberts' salute,
shook hands.
" T am glad to see you. I am glad to
meet so brave a man,' was Lord Rob
erts' brief welcome.
"The two generals sat in chairs al
ready provided and the formal surren
der followed.
"Gen. Cronje sat deeply sunken In his
chair, with his hands In the pockets of
his overcoat, and sullenly regarded the
scene. Every consideration was paid
him, but until the last was seen of his
bulky form driving away to Modder
River in the close carriage which had
been provided for him, his set, hard
ened face only 'suggested that the bit
terest hour of his - life was being
barely endured by the man whose
pluck, whose capacity and whose
straightforwardness we, his enemies,
are the first to admit."
ON HIS DIGNITY.
Mr. Williams Has Notice that He Is Be
neath Editorial Notice.
Just after we went to press last week,
and while on our way to Abraham
White's grocery, we met Dan Williams,
-ess I J Ubb
THE MOSQUITO-
who owns the livery stable on Violet
street. Mr. Williams did not return
our bow of recognition, but advancing
upon us in a threatening manner said:
"Mr. Col well, you owe me two dollars,
and you either hand It 'over or I will
take it out of your hide!;
"Mr. Williams," we kindly replied,
though much astonished at his abrupt
ness, "we know we owe you two dol
lars, but we cannot pay It at present.
As soon as the money comes in pn sub
scription you shall have it."
This was the best we could do, but
so far from letting the matter drop he
knocked our hat into the middle of the
street. Then he knocked us after the
hat. Then he kicked us and called us
names.
We did not flghtback. Our editorial
dignity was at stake, and we maintain
ed it. Even when Mr. Williams hit us
in the back with an old tin can we did
not turn to bandy words with him. We
think that an editor should maintain
his dignity at all times and under all
circumstances, and our wife is highly
pleased at our conduct in the affair
mentioned.
The Li ind of the Liazy.
"In a late sojourn In Honduras," said
L. B. Glvens to a Washington Post re
porter, "I came to the conclusion that
It was a paradise for a lazy man. Every
thing grows luxuriantly, with but little
labor on the part of the natives, and
many crops do not need replanting
more than once in eight or ten years.
The country offers fine inducements to
enterprising men, but It Is hard for a
white man used to civilized ways to go
1-wn there and dwell among an Ignor-
af natives who are 100 years be
hind the times. A man would have no
congenial society, and might as well be
in exile. The natives usually live In
bamboo houses, though in the towns
the dwellings are of adobe. Children
go naked for the first two or three
years of their life, and the attire of the
adults Is rather scant. The Govern
ment Is liberal with concessions In or
der to encourage the development of
the country's resources, but there Is
no general rule governing the granting
of privileges; It all depends on bow
good a bargain may be driven. The
climate is very salubrious, and. laziness
is about the only prevailing dnease."
TO WIPE OUT MALARIA.
Two Englishmen to Experiment Their
Lives a Possible Penalty.
Two Englishmen, Dr. Sambon and Dr.
Lowe, of London, are to make an inter
esting experiment and take their lives
in their hands for the sake of human
ity. These two men are to go to the
Roman campagna, the deadliest place
in the world, with instructions to stay
there all summer and see If it kills
them. If they return home unharmed,
then the world's most fatal disease
OF GEN. CRONJE.
next to consumption malaria will be
at the mercy of science. If they die,
the government will pay the funeral
expenses and the theory about malaria
will be upset.
The theory relative 'to malaria Is that
It Is caused by a special kind of
mosquito. This mosquito abounds In
the campagna, lying seven miles out
side of Rome, and the condition of that
TB. SAMBON.
region Is such that no person can re
main exposed there during a summer
night without contracting the disease.
Drs. Sambon and Lowe will take
with them a mosquito-proof building,
and in it they will make their home
during the summer. If they manage to
live and keep their health where no one
else has succeeded In doing so, and yet
have no advantage, over the others ex
cept protection against mosquitoes,
then the case against the mosquito will
be considered complete, and the gov
ernment will set about prosecuting the
pest wherever he exists In the colonies,
and will give all possible aid to other
countries to do the same, with the ex-
PROOF HOUSE.
pectation that malarial fever will be
wiped out and millions of human lives
saved.
As the mosquito Is a night worker,
the doctors will quit their houses only
when the insects are off duty, and then
they will protect themselves from" the
danger of being stung by a chance
mosquito.
Few people have a correct Impression
of the frightful ravages of malaria. It
is the great disease of the tropics. It
is the principal cause of sickness and
death there, and of social stagnation.
It, and practically it alone, Is the rea
son why Africa is the Dark Continent;
why some, In fact most, of the fairest
and most fertile regions of the earth
are but howling wildernesses covered
with worthless jungle and Inhabited
only by wild beasts and a sprinkling of
wilder men. Five millions of people die
annually of fever, principally malarial,
In British India alone. That figure,
heavy though it is, gives no idea of the
amount of suffering, of invalidism and
poverty caused by this one disease.
A Great Glacier.
The largest glacier in Europe is the
Josledalsbroe, in Norway. With its
numerous ramifications it covers an
area of 350 square miles. This enor
mous field of ice sends its branches
down the valleys in all directions, often
coming into close proximity to the corn
fields. One of the most accessible of
Its branches is the Brlgsdalbroe. From
a distance its effect is extremely grand,
surrounded as it is with dark, bare
mountains, fringed with birch trees
a perfect setting for the mighty mass
of snow and ice.
An old bachelor says that widows are
the only second-hand articles that sell
at par.
After a man once reaches the top be
never talks about the surplus room up
there.
HUMOJi OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Carious and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Out Own Day A Budget of Pus.
Coroner Why are you so positive the
deceased was accidentally klled? Per
haps it was a case of suicide.
Col. Bourbon Youh seem to fohget,
sab, that a quaht bottle full of liquor
full, I repeat, sah was found in his
overcoat pocket, sah.
Over the Limit.
"Tour greatest enemy is whisky,"
said the parson to an Incorrigible mem
ber of his flock.
"But," said the wayward one, "you
have always told us to love our ene
mies." "Yes," answered the good man, "but
not to swallow them."
Sleight of Hand.
The Point of View.
Biggs Figgs has the clearest head of
tny man I know.
Diggs That's right; there Is asbo
lately nothing in it.
Unmasked.
He Who Is that ugly old woman Over
there by the piano?
She Oh, that's Mme. Cosmetique, the
famous beauty specialist.
A Natural Question.
Four-year-old Harry, noticing that
the clock had stopped, asked his father
a question that has puzzled some older
folk:
"Papa, when the clock stops does
time stop?"
A Disastrous Smash.
"I understand it's a very disastrous
smash."
"Yes, there isn't enough to pay the
receiver's divvy." Philadelphia North
American.
The One Thing Needful.
Fair Customer This cook book ap
pears to be all right, with one excep
tion. Bookseller Pray, what Is that, mad
am?" Fair Customer It has no pictures In
it"
Bookseller Of course not, madam.
One seldom sees a cook book with illus
trations. Fair Customer But what's the use of
telling us bow to serve a dinner with
sut plates?
About the Size of It.
"Money," said the political orator, "is
a great lever, and "
"That's right, mister." interrupted a
man in the gallery, "it's such a great
leaver that most of us can't keep It."
Two of a Kind.
Hlx What would you think of a man
who divulged a secret intrusted to him?
Dix Well, I should think he was on
ftn equal footing with the man who In
trusted it to him.
The Prettiest Picture.
Charming Hostess Which do you
consider the prettiest picture in this
room?
Visitor The one I can see now in the
mirror before which you are sitting!
Meggendorfer Blaetter.
Very Similar.
"A good woman," said the lecturer,
"is like pure gold."
"That's right," interrupted a face
tious man in the rear. "Money talks."
Unappreciated Liberality.
Mr. White Mis' Jackson, Ah paid ten
dollahs fob dis here ring.
Miss Jackson Hit am vehy cute, Mls
tah White, but why didn't yoh git one
ob dem kind dat cuius in a popcohn
package? Yoh know how Ah tubs pop
cohn. '
Not as It Should Be.
The Parson Learn to be content, my
good man. The little mouths are never
sent, without food to feed them.
The Laborer (fatner of ten) Ah, par
son, but the mouths are sent to my
home and the food to yours. Chicago
News.
Truly Surprising.
"Look," said little Bessie, who had
never before seen a mule used for any
thing but hauling.
"What Is It, my dear?"
"A man riding horseback on a mule."
Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
His Last Request.
The Captain There is no hope! We
are lost! It Is now half-past 2; within
an hour we will be at the bottom of the
sea.
Rathkopfsky Couldn't you manage
to sink her by dree o'glock, captain? I
owe Rosenberg here a hundredt dol
lars on a note dot falls due at half-past
dree to-day, undt if de ship goes down
pefore dot time, it let's me out of pay
ing it, see? Life.
In the Church Choir.
"Why can't you be obliging? ' tried
the facetious music rack. "The bells
play when they're tolled. Come! give
us a tone."
"No," grumbled the organ, in deep
diapason, "I'll be blowed if I do."
Philadelphia Press. ,
Very Spicy.
Ida When the hero saw her plight
he climbed to the edge of the rock and
clove the air.
May My fellow has a less risky way
of doing It.
Ida Doing what, dear?
May Why, when be wants to clove
the air he goes out between the acts.
Chicago News.
A Change of Scene.
"Why Is that Filipino running in that
precipitate fashion?" asked the tourist
"Oh," answered the native, gravely,
"he's merely traveling for his health."
Washington Star.
Impossible.
Husband Why do you persist in
wearing shoes that pinch your feet?
Wife Oh, I never could feel comfort
able in a comfortable shoe. Life.
A Tribute.
"I want to stop in front of this win
dow," said Mr. Blyklns.
"Why, It's full of millinery!" ex
claimed his wife. "I didn't know you
admired such things."
"I not only admire; I marvel. I take
off my hat to genius, and the people
who can get $20 apiece for a lot of
bunches of odds and ends like those
are qualified to give lessons to a Napo
leon of finance." Washington Star.
Some Other Kind Preferred.
"Your system is generally run down,"
said Dr. Kanard, the eminent special
ist, "but I think I can promise a cure
in a short time, if you follow directions.
Would you prefer a home treatment?"
"I think not," responded Mr. Meeker,
involuntarily lowering his voice. "It's
it's my home treatment, I am afraid,
that really ails me." Chicago Tribune.
Breath and Brush Act,
"Can you give a first-class polish to a
pair of shoes?"
"Shud say so, boss. Why, when Ab
polish a ge'man's shoes de ladies glance
down at his feet to see If deh hats an
on straight."
The Domestic Skeleton.
"Herr Merzer, what Is there new
from the seat of war?"
"Sir, I object to hearing any allusions
to "my family affairs!" Der Dorf bar
ber. S) Change the Style.
Mother Look out you don't drop a
stitch while you are knitting those
stockings.
Daughter Well, if I do they'll be
drop-stitch stockings.
Not the Place.
Cholly I think In me heawt "
Daisy Why, Cholly, you must be a
freak. Every one else thinks In their
head.
Like the Original.
An old family darky was being
hauled over the coals for scratching the
portrait of his past master with a stiff
whisk broom.
"Marcus," said one of the family, se
verely, "what ever prompted you to do
that mischief?"
"Pardon me, sah," responded the of
fender, "Ah jes cudn't help it. When
Ah caught sight ob all dot dust on ol'
marse's coat, Ah jes bad to rush up en
brush it off. Ah felt as dough ol' marse
wud rap me wid his cane If Ah didn't."
V About the Size of It.
.Little Willie Say, pa, when a man
fails in business what is meant by his
liabilities?
Pa The sum for which his creditors
get left, my son.
I Willing to Oblige.
She Ah, how nice It must be to be
famous. How I wish I had a name
He (interrupting) Permit me to offer
you mine.
Haunted.
Ida I am afraid of this old house.
They say skeletons hold high carnival
in the next room.
May But how can they get In herel
Ida They might use skeleton keys.
A Prise Thought.
A teacher of music In one of the pub
lic schools of the South desired to im
press the pupils with the meaning of
the signs "f" and "ft" In a song they
were about to sing. After explaining
that "f" meant forte, he said: "Now,
children, If "f" means forte what does
'ff mean?"
Silence reigned for a moment and
then he was astonished to bear a bright
little fellow shout:
"Eighty!" New Llppincott
The House Habit.
"When," says John Muir in the At
lantic, "I asked Mr. Emerson's friends,
if we were not going up Into the grove
to camp they said: 'No, It would never
do to lie out in the night air; Mr. Emer
son might take cold, and you know,
Mr. , Muir, that would be a dreadful
thing.' In vain I urged that only In
homes and hotels were colds caught,
that nobody ever was known to take
cold camping In these woods, that there
was not a single cough or sneeze In all
the Sierra. Then I pictured the big
climate-changing, inspiring fire I would
make, praised the beauty and fragrance
of sequoia flame, told how the great
trees would stand about us transfigured
in the purple light, while the stars look
ed down between the great domes; end
ing by urging them to come on and
make an Immortal Emerson night of it.
"But the bouse habit was not to be
overcome, nor the strange dread of pure
night air, though it is only cooled day
air with a little pure dew In it. So the
carpet dust and unknowable reeks were
preferred. And to think of this being
a Boston choice! Sad commentary on
culture and the glorious transcendent.
alism!"