REvm
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THE COLUMBIAN.
THE COLUMBIAN.
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ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
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Published EvxnY Friday,
at
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
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E. 0. AD AUS, Editor and Proprietor
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VOL. IV.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, JUNE 6, 1884.
NO. 44.
Each subsequent insertion 1 00
COLUMBIAN.
1 irlKd
THE FAULT-DEMON.
Rosa Hawthorne Lathrop.
I've seen a white-robed maiden
With flowing gold hair laden.
As beavy-burdened body as she could bear,
And then came a wild black raven,
Si Aflrpr n.ni fui TftVin.
And hidbiinself all silent in her fair gold
Lair.
"When she cried, "Thou misln-haven P
Tnwi'' xAiil the wild dark raven.
And all her tedious life he only said "Cawl"
t et sate lie on her shoulder,
This heavv black bird-bowlder.
And moveI not, would iot leave her, for
patience or for law.
Now, on her tomb was graven
"Thrt Maiden of the Raven.
Who jeered from her long tresses for all to
see:
Some said tint it was pride
Gave the bird so lomr a ride."
But ho left her when the church-bell rang
sonorously.
LITTLE PEOPLE.
Nomrthlns Aboot Professional
Dwarf and Midsets.
Cleveland Herald.
"I have l)een looking all over the
world for a woman no bigger than
am," said Che Mali, the Chinese dwarf,
at tho museum last evening, "and if
conld only find lier, and then marry
her. I would bo happv." Che Mah is
alKV.it the smallest man of his age liv
ing. He is iG years old, and only two
feet four inches high. But Che Mali is
rich, with a regular income of $200 a
week, and is anxious for a wife with
whom he can keep company during his
Ions hours on exhibition. Che Mah is
a particular friend of Chang, the
Chinese giant, who is eight feet tall,
but who admires Che Mah, not so much
for size as for his nation ility.
Che Mah has written a little book
about dwarfs, himself in particular, in
which ho tells of the high social posi
tion of his family and explains the
tauseof his peculiarity of form. His
mother, while walking tho streets of
Xingpo was greatly shocked and fright
cned by seeing a very small child
crushed" to death by the falling of a
tree. She was greatly affected, and
when Che Mah wa? born shortly after
ward he bore a most striking resem
blauce in face and figure to the little
one that was killed. The child killed
was but 2 years old, and Che Mah
has neve, grown bigger than a child of
that age. Attention has beeu called to
the resemblance of Che Mah to the
baby killed by the mother of the dead
child meeting Che Mah when he was
4 years of age, and exclaiming, as
she seized him, that her little one had
' returned to life. The circumstances
attracted wide-spread attention and led
to a judicial investigation,
the peculiar facts of .the
wherein all
case were
brought out.
"The most attractive little woman as
a'enriost," said Mr. Elliot, of the
museum, "who was ever on exhibition.
is Liicy"ZarattT. She is the smallest of
them ail, being but twentv-one inches
and weighing fifteen pounds. She can
command a salary of $750 a week, and
is quite wealthy." -
Mrs. (Jen. Thumb is probably the
most intelligent dwarf living. But the
only real live doll baby is Hop o' My
Thumb, the little Novia Scotia midget,
who weighs scarcely more than ten
pounds. Martha's Vineyard has re
cently sent out two little people, the
Aduin3 sisters, who are each scarcely
three feet tall, and who are valuable as
curiosities because of their intelligence.
"The trouble with little people or
midgets," said Mr. Elliott, "is that but
few of them are intelligent, and many
of them almost brainless. A large
number of the children midgets on ex
hibition about the country are repulsive
monstrosities. But when a diminutive
specimen of humanity is discovered who
lias a well-developed intellect he is in7
deed a rarity. Tom Thumb found him
st If a large man when compared with
other mites during recent years. But
he was one of the first ever exhibited,
and his prest'ge gave him a lasting
fame. There wi 1 never bo another
Tom Thumb. People have beeonia so
accustomed to curiosities, and have
seen so many l'ttle people, that mites,
midgets or dwarfs have ceaed to create
the great sensations they formerly did."
The Valne of Shade Tree.
Dr. Felix Oswald in Lippincott's Magazine.
That our ancestors emanated from
the shade s of a tree 'and is one of the
few points on whi.-h Moses and Darwin
agree, and it seems hardly probable
that the descendants of a forest should
bo damaged by a little tree shade,
especially where that .shade is confined to
. the six warnn sf. months in the year.
After tober, when sunshine becomes
. referable to shade, trees do not ob
struct the raya of the sun. They merely
moderate its summer glare, and at
noon offer the best possible refuge from
the broodiug heat. No human con
trivance can rival tho anti-caloric ar
rangements of a leafy canopy frea ac
cess to all the win Is of heaven, and a
roof impervious not only to the direct
light of tho sun's rays, but also to their
warmth, which is felt through a single
r of as plainly as though a flimsy sun
shade. But a shade tr e, with its hun
dred strata , of light-absorbing leaves,
intcri03es an-ef.e tual barrier to the
hottest sun; and, moreover, plants have
a direct i efrigerating iutlnence, analo
gous to that of animal bodies in gener
ating warmth. Even under the blazing
sun the juice of . ranges, watermelons,
" apple , etc., is from ten to fifteen de
grees colder than that of stagnant wa-i
ter, and n cloudy summor days the a'r
of a treeless district is considerably
warmer than the atmosphere of a shady
forest on sunny days.
Moseniv's Ills Kelt.
C'h'cigo Journal.
Tho largest bell that was ever cast is
tus great bell of Moscow, Bus; 'a. It
was cabt in 1(354, and weighed 288,000
pounds. In 173'i it was recat, and
weighed about 432,00(4 poun Is. It fell
in J.7o7, and was injured, but it was
subsequently raised, and now forms the
dome of a chapel.
A ergi Levy.
Chicago Herald.
Contents of a housj which was levied
on by a bailiff of Blakeley, Ga. : One
tin pan, two tin plates, one broken tray,
one broken spider, ono looking-glass,
one pair tongs, two guns and a "yaller
coon dog."
LIVE STAGE PROPERTIES.
The Risk or Keal Babies Experience
with Horses, Dojcs, Kle.
New York Sun.
"Among the riskiest of risks in a
theatre," said an old property man,
"live properties go to the front. It
doesn't take much to set an audience
tittering, and there is very much dan
ger that live properties will mar the
success of a piece at the critical mo
ment by doing the wrong thing. Con
sequently, from time immemorial all
sorts of imitations of live properties
have been in vogue.
"Babies, for instance, cannot always
bo depended upon to be good-natured
and pretty at precisely the right mo
ment. Paregoric and soothing syrup
have the disadvantage of making a real
baby look like , a counterfeit. Of
course if it were necessary to produce
a crying baby you could bo sure of it
every time, but no play ever produced
required a real baby to cry in the
presence of tho audience. Jt is only
the counterfeit babies who do that, and
they generally do it in a very unnatural
way. In many pieces where the point
of t he play turns on a baby, the effect
is lost by tho use of a dummy baby.
Thus in ' l'oung Mrs. Winthrop,' when
the doll baby is brought on, it is ask
ing too much to expect the audience to
get up much emotion over a mere
bundle of rags. Two or three irrovor
ent persons in an audience can always
turn into ridicule any act where n
dummy baby is the prominent actor.
But as between the chances of the real
baby misbehaving and the chanco ol
the dnmmv babv causing ridicule the
general rule has been to risk the latter.
"Real babies, however, have often
been introduced with great success.
There is, for instance, a real baby in
troduced in ''Confusion," and it al
ways excites the admiration of all the
women and most of tho men in the
audience. The women always marvel
at the wonderful patience of the baby,
which although wide awake, is appar
ently stowed away in a cabinet on the
stage about a quarter of au hour. The
fact is that the cabinet has a hole in the
back, and when the audience imagine
the baby to be lying in its dark and un
comfortable quarters, it is really being
nnrsed in the arms of its mother be
hind the scenes, and is put back in the
cabinet only when the cue i3 given.
"Boucicault would not risk a real dog
in the play of 'The Shaughraun,' but
.his dog Tatters, who was purely imag
inary, became quite a feature of . the
piece, especially in the description of
the famous attack in the rear causing
the destruction of a very considerable
part of a pair of pantaloons. Now,
there are plenty of dogs who could be
relied upon to do this and more with
promptness and accuracy every night.
The boys who go to the Bowery thea
tres know all these dogs and have
known thcififor "J'ears. Nothing but
real bloodhounds will do to pursue the
fieeing slaves over the ice of the Missis
sippi in uncle loms Cabin. It be
comes really thrilling when the dogs
spring at the throats of their victims.
That is the sort of live properties that
may be relied upon to give a realism to
a play which can be produced in no
other way. Such trained dogs do not
give the property man much trouble,
as their owners alone can manage them
"Emmet has a dog in 'Fritz,' which
is said to be worth $2,500, but he was
never half as famous as 'Rip Van Win
kleV dog Schneider, which never had
any existence except in the vivid de
scription of Joe Jefferson. That was so
life-like that I could imagine I could
both see and hear the dog on the stage,
and I wondered he did not come when
Joe whist!ed for him. And yet when
a real nice dog like the big one that
was latelv used in 'The Romany Rye' is
used, it never fails to go straight to the
heart of an audience. T ho house would
always ring with applause when the
shaggy old fellow obeyed the commands
of his mistress, and he used to sit upon
his haunches and look over the audience
as if he liked it. Then the scene
in the bird fancier's shop in this
play, with real birds in the cages, is
always interesting, for the birds flutter
and hop about in a very lively way.
Horses, too, have formed a consider
able portion of live properties. Adah
Isaacs Menken and Miss Hodson used
to create an immense furor in
'Mazeppa,' and when they were bound
to their foaming steeds and started on
tneir perilous ascent 01 stage carpen
ters c rags the elleet was startling, and
not to be approached by any mere de
scription such as Lady Gay Spanker
gives of an imaginary race. There is a
telling scene in 'Taken from Life,'
where the hero takes a real horse from
the stable and make a fortunate escape.
"Maggie Mitchell makes a feature of
tho use of chickens real live chickens
-which she chases about the stage
with hoydonish glee, and they form a
very important part of her properties.
Humpty Luinpty never fails to brine
out a real live donkey, who kicks up
his heels and throws his rider at the
right moment. No Humpty llumpty
would be complete without a real don
key. In 'Around tho World in Eighty
Days' a real elephant is introduced, and
in such plays as 'The Black Venus" and
J. he biege of Lucknow' there is an op
portunity for the display of a whole
menagerie of live properties. Here,
however, we border on the circus.
"Among the novel uses of live prop
erties is that of the horse in 'Kerry
Gow,' which is shod in the presence of
the audience. Murphv, the actor who
has played that part many times, has a
real forge and makes a real shoo out of
real hot iron, tnd actually nails it on.
all of which delights tho boys in the
gallery very much. I never heard of a
cat being introduced purposely on the
stage, but when one happens to get into
theatre and to walk across the stage
at the wrong time it is sure to make a
sensation."
Their Ages.
R. J. Bnrdette is 40, Bret Harte is
45, Mark Twain is 48, W. 1). Howeils
is 4G, Thomas Bailey Aldrich is 45,
Joaquin Miller is 42, James Russell
Lowell is 04 and John G. Saxe is 08.
The London Quarterly Review sava
that a man is. chemically speakincr. a
ittie less than fifty pounds of carbon
and nitrogen diffused through six pails
of water.
Lincoln's "Cash" Htoekin-cs.
Indianapolis Sentinel.
Abraham Lincoln, while a resident
of New Salem, His., followed various
avocations. v ith ail the rest tie was
"store-keeper" and postmaster. On a
certain occasion, one of his friends,
having learned that an agent of the
postoflice department and a "drummer"
were in tlio village tho lonner to col
lect what was duo the government
from Lincoln, as postmaster; the latter
to receive from him, as "trader," what
he was owing tho firm represented by
himself and knowing Lincoln was
never overburdened with spare funds,
went to the store and offered to loan
him a sum sufficient to meet tho claims
he was so soon to bo called upon to
settlo.
"You are very kind," said Lincoln;
"but I do not think I shall require your
assistance. -
Within a few moments, the agents en
tered their presence, and Lincoln took
an old stockinet from a drawer, out of
which he poured a lot of copper and
silver com the latter mostly in pieces
of a small denomination.
"There is tho very money I have
taken on account of the pDstofiice," he
remarked to the agent, "and I think
you will find it the exact amount due
yon."
It was, to a cent.
Ibis business had hardly been con-
eluded when in camo the "drummer.
Lincoln had recourse to another old
stocking, with a sini lar result.
So soon as the two were again by
themselves the friend said :
"I suppose, were a third creditor to
present himself, a third stocking
would enable you to settle with him,
smiling.
"Yes," returned tho future presidenL
"Look here, and he held up three
other stockings. In each of these is
the sum I severally owe to three parties
the only persons in the world to
whom I am, pecuniarily, indebted. I
see you are amused at my method of
transacting business. I never allow my
self to use money that is not mine, how
ever sorely pressed I may be antl 1 in
tend to be prepared ' to pay my bills
when they become due, without delay
or inconvenience to those whom I owe.
The simple system which I have
adopted using a stocking to represent
each creditor anl placing in it the
money, to be passed to the creditor
himself, at some future day renders
the former unnecessary and the latter
possible."
Trade in llmu'ii Hair.
Pall Mall Gazette.
Addison, in one of his quaint articles
on fashion, gives a humorous descrip
tion of the rise and fall of the hairy
towers of ladies heads. As fashion
willed it, the structure varied in size
and shape, and as it was with the ladies
of Queen Anne's time so it is in the
days of Queen Victoria. Not many
years ago huge "chignons" and enor
mous plaits disfigured the heads of all
womankind, the dealers in human hair
and their accomplices tho hair-dressers
grew rich, blessing tho latest whim of
the most whimsical among the deities.
But men, or, rather, women, grew
wiser, and all at once the heads, but
recently bowed down by the weight of
artificial hair, were lifted up, and hide
ous "bangs" and classical coils took the
place of the former monstrosities. The
change seemed radical, and hair-dealers
were on tho brink of despair.
But by-and-by the discovery was
made by one woman and another that
not all hair would "friz," and that even
a plain knot of hair at the back of the
head could not be produced without
the aid of the hair-dresser. The appar
ently simple shape required, in fact,
much more attention than all the
abandoned wealth of plaits and tresses.
Hair-dressers could no longer be nam
bered among the simple workmen. To
satisfy their fair customeis they had to
become artists, producing bangs of
airy curls, soft coils, and artifi
cial partings, vying with nature
in perfection of workmanship.
Long hair had formerly been re
quired, and high prices are paid for it,
whether it came from a fair-haired Ger
man village girl, a bride of Heaven in
an Italian convent, or whether it had
been the pride of a Chinese, who had
only parted with it after death. Now,
however, it was no longer quantity but
quality that was required, and soft
glossy hair, though short, grew to be
highly valued. , More attention was
also paid to color, golden hair, the ad
miration of poets and painters of all
times, becoming tho favorite hue,
which, however, like pure white and
reddish-brown hair, it is difficult to
procure. .
Monks Had o Cells.
Ninetjenth Century.
The cloister was really the living
place of the monks. Here they pursued
their daily avocations, here they taught
their schools, they transacted their
business, they spent their time, and
pursued their studies, always in society,
co-operating and consulting, an J, as a
rule, knowing no privacy. "But a monk
always lived in a coll !" i think you will
be inclined to object. The sooner you
get rid of that delusion the better. Un
til Henry II. founded tho Carthusian
abbey of Witham, in 1178, there was no
such thing known in England as a
monk's cell, ns we understand the term.
It was a peculiarity of the Carthr.sian
order, and when it was first introduced
it was regarded as a startling novelty
for any privacy or anything approach-
ing solitude to uo tolerated in a mon
astery. Tho Carthusian system never
found much favor in England. The
Carthusians never had more than nine
houses all told ; the discipline was too
rigid, the rule too severe, the loneliness
too dreadful for our tastes and for our
climate. In the thirteenth century, if
I mistake not, there were only two mon
asteries in England in which monks or
nuns could boast of having any privacy,
any little corner of their own to turn
into, any place where they could enjoy
tne luxury or retirement, any private
study such as every hoy nowadays, in
a school of any pretension, oxpects to
have provided for himself, and without
which we assume that nobody could
read and write for an hour.
Richmoud Whig: It is a mistake to
a
suppose tnat it requires a lawyer to
pass laws; it is a great mistake.
CUT OFF HIS NOSE.
How n Chicago Barber Avenged Him
self on His Itlval la Love.
Chicago News.
Paul Varzerau is a barber employed on tha
north side. Theresa Barsaloux, a comely
young woman has long been the idol of the
tonsorial Paul. But while reciprocating the
affections of the young barber, sho was fully
aware that a few thousand dollars which she
possessed in her own right in a measure
placed her above a barber beau. While her
feelings wore thus uioly balanced, there ap
peared upon the scene a young man bearing
the prosaic cognomen of William Brown.
He was a traveling man. His bold methods
of wooing were mora than a match for the
iimi l advances of Paul Varzerau, and ho bid
fair to win the young maiden and her wealth.
Paul saw this with many forebodings.
One of Brown's attractions was a remark
ably handsome nos?, which was a noticeable
feature. Without it a would have leeu no
body. It was of the Grecian style, white as
a pillar of marble, and as smooth. Young
women have been known to lose their hearts
to a pair of eyes, to a handsome head of
hair, and, in - instances of intellectual and
spectacled young" females, to a forehead.
But Theresa fell in love with a nose the
nose of William Brown. She confided this
fact to Paul Varzerau, and with words,
every one of"which rasped his feelings as he
was wont to rasp the beards of his customers,
expatiated upon' the wonderful influence
which this nose had over her. When Paul
left that evening ho made a fiendish resolve.
Two days later Paul Varzerau stood behind
a chair in the barber shop where ha had
learned William Brown was in the habit of
getting shaved. It was on the afternoon of
tho 'third day that the ill-fatei William
Brown entered the shop and seated himself in
Paul Varzerau's chair. There was his nose
cold, white, symmetrical and smooth. "Ah I
a few short seconds and I shall be avenged,"
thought Paul, and ho ground his teeth as he
stropped the razor. The keen blade cut a
hair in twain.
"Be careful and don't get any lather on my
nose," quoth William Brown; "no bay rum
on my face, either."
"The puppy I how proud he is of his nose.
But I must be calm and control myself,"
thought PauL He mixed his lather and
spread it over the face of his customer, who
had closed his eyes and seemed to be indulg
ing in the luxury of a doze. He shaved one
side of William Brown's face and dulled the
razor. Paul stropped the razor back to an
edge. He then elevated the chin of the
unfortunate man and laid bare his throat.
The eyes did not open. Paul held the razor
aloft a second. Then with a skillful swoop
it descended and cut off the nose of William
Brown, who did not even open his eyes. Paul
Varzerau stood for a moment paralyzed. The
razor fell from his grasp, his knees gave way
beneath him, and he tottered out of the
door. The nose was wax.
"Call Me Kobert.
Towle in Boston Traveler.
Even Pome of the native Virginians find
time occasionally to make fun of tho swag
gering braggadocio of some of the citizens
of the "Old Dominion." A gentleman from
Richmond said to me a day or two since:
"The most eccentric character in tho Con
federate army, so far as I know, was
Sergeant John It. Carp, a man always boast
ing of his own valor and achievements.
Carp was a character, and no mistake. He
said ' to me one day: 'I did more to
frighten tho Yankees at Chancellorsville
than any other one man. Why, sah, I
had sixteen niggahs, sah, j yes, sah,
sixteen niggahs, sah, loading guns for
mo, sah, and I mowed the Yanks
down like I was using a scythe, sah. Yes,
sab, they laid out in front of me in heaps of
dead meu. While I was doing my level best.
and eu joying the res til u of my execution, an
officer, sah, yes, sah, an officer, sah, in a gen
eral's uniform, rode up to me and exclaimed,
"Is this Sergt. Carp, of Goochland county,
Viriiiniar
I responded by saying, "It is,
sah.''
He raised his head and said, "Ser
geant, why this indiscriminate slaughter;
will not your revenge ever be satisfied!" I
saw, sah, that the whole d d Yankee line
was waveriug, and I said, " 'Gen. Lee, only
let me kill a few more of 'em, only a few
more, I implore you.' " I shall never forget
the look on his face when he glanced at me
and said, "Don't call me general call me
Robery
A 1,1 zht from "Uncle" Huta.
New York Times.
A thick-sot man, just a little below the
medium Leight, was walking slowly up
Broadway yesterday. He wore a heavy fur-
trimmed overcoat and a silk hat somewhat
mussed. His lips and teeth were closed
firmly over a long and fragrant cigar, the
lighted end of which fairly blazed at inter
vals. "I beg your pardou, Cap., will you oblige
me with a light?" said a breezy youtti who
had just succeeded in rolling a cigarette.
The thick-set man stopped, removed the
cigar from between his lips knocked off the
ashes with a movement of his little finger,
and passed the weed over to the breezy
youth. The latter lighted his cigarette,
meanwhile snuffing the agreeable fumes of
the cigar, and as he thanked the thick-set
man for the accommodation he added patron
izingly, "That's a very good cigar, Cap;"
Tho features of the thick-set man never
moved a muscle during the incident. He
bowed slightly as he received back his cigar,
and, replacing it in his mouth, walked on up
the street putting gently. The breezy youth
had not recognized him, but many other per
sons looked after him with interest, saj ing,
"That's Rufus Hatch I"
O'Oonovan and Dumas.
Tinslej's Magazine.
As O'Donovan was taking his leave Dumas
complimented him on his French, saying that
he spoke the language well for an Irishman.
"We are not all uncivilizod there, master,"
said O'Donovan, "and I am proud to meet
you and to tell yon how much you are prized
in my country. It is years since I made the
acquaintance of one of your family there. I
became very intimate with him, and I am in
debted to him for many hours of delightful
enjoyment." "Ono of my family! This is
astonishing. I never heard of any of them
who went to Ireland. There must be some
mistake." . "No mistake, I assure you. He is
well known there, and a great favorite."
"You have set my curiosity on firo. Name
him, pray.' "The Count of Monte-Cristol"
The prince of novelists bounded oft his seat,
caught O'Donovan in his arms, hugged him
to his broad breast, and kissed him on both
cheeks. Then holding mm back from him,
he looked at him with eyes blazing with tri
umph and gladness, and exclaimed: "You
are right, my child ; the Irish are not un
civilized; they have wit They are worthy to
be French. I was never paid a higher com
pliment in my life."
Ten Million Car-Wheels.
New York Sun.
"There are more than ten million iron
car-wheels in use on American railroads,"
said the master mechanic of one of the trunk
fines, "and it requires about 525 pounds of
pig iron to make one wheel. About 1,250,
1)00 wheels are worn out every year, and the
same number of new ones must be made to
take their places." ;
Slilltarjr Discipline or AiiIm.
Malacca Cor. Inter Ocean. J
One of the thiners which I foand of
absorbing interest to me in Singapore,
as Well as here in Malacca, was' the
etudy of the ants. There are various
kinds, of course, most of them armed
with "stings." That kind which ha3
furnished me wiih the most entertain
ment is a black species, less than a
quarter of an inch in length. They
move in processions, s'ngle file, under
a recognized order. I have seen tbem
crossing the street in processions eight
or ten feet in length, with four or five
ants to each inch of ground. Each
ant. follows exactly in the steps of the
one in front of him, never turning to
the! right baud nor to the left under
any circumstances. As the leader us
ually select a circuitous route tha col
umn is an exceedingly winding one,
and every corner is turned at just ; the
same angle by the last member as it
was by the leader himself. Tho leader
may bo distinguished from tho other
members of the ant colony upon close
scrutiny.
Having fastened the identity of a
leader in mind, it is one of my favorite
experiments to suddenly I ring down
tho end of a cane or umbrella immedi
ately in front of liim. His progress
thui suddenly checked, he recoils
in momentary surprise, and in a minute
all 1 is direst confusion. The band of
followers have not the time or presence
of m;nd to check themselves with e iual
quickness, an l begin to accumu'ato in
a frightened throng, tha lealer being
lost somewhere near the center. The
ants run hither and thither I in
great consternation, searching blindly
for! their lost guide. The ;lat-
teri is, of course, so surrounded
that he cannot make his escape for
some time. By and by the last
member of the procession has caught
up ! with the excited throng, and then
confusion reigns supreme, lurn your
head the other way for two minutes,
and then look around again. Instead
of the disorderly rabble, there is a long,
continuous line of well-drilled soldiers,
apparently under the strictest disci
pline. Scrutinize the leader, and you
will recognize in him the very same
chief that marched at the head of the
column before the rupture. i
It is simply marvelous in what a short
time a pitiable mob will resolve itself
into an orderly procession, each indi
vidual ant scrambling for liis proper
place in the ranks, but all in the great
est harmony. When the leader is once
found, the "snare untangles itself in a
trice. i
i
How a Liaay Lawyer Acted. j
Joaqu!u Miller. !
"She came with a whirr, a snap, con
sciousness and self-assertion that at once
was a sort of challenge to battle. 1
"She ran around, among the chairs
and tables and men like a little
speckled hen that had lost her last lit
tle chicken.
"Then she fluttered down beside the
clerk, slammed down some books, and
saying, 'I'm hero to make a speeh this
morning,' proceeded to unroll papers
and write furiously. j
iThe - chairman called to order the
lady lawyer was at once on her feet,
and, shouting out her purpose to be
heard on the momentous Mormon ques
tion, on motion of some one fifteen min
utes was alloted for her speech. Catch
ing up her books, bag and manuscript,
hastening to the far end of the room,
and laying down the papers, she crossed
her pretty hands and looked at us tran
quilly, triumphantly, a long time under
her gold-rimmed glasses. Inis woman,
famous in the annals of this city, stand
ing there with folded handa," ' had it all
her own way at once. She was pretty,
to begin with. No bangs, no frizzles,
no foolishness at all in dress or address.
Her heavy gray hair was combed back
in the old chaste fashion, and showed a
splendid brow and fine, earnest face.
All leaned forward and listened eagerly
as she began, - and as sne went on tor
the first few minutes her English,; her
articulation, her elocution, all seemed
perfect. I doubt if any man in con
gress could tne better language, or use
it with more grace and precision, j For
the first fifteen minuter no man moved
or 'spoke, but at twenty minutes she be
gan to fail, flounder about and blunder.
She had forgotten her piece. And then,
poor dear, she had undertaken to settle
the whole stupendous Mormon question,
the morality and immorality of it, to
expound the constitution, compare con
gress to king George, all in fifteen
minutes !" j
i . j
Ylnnle Ream's Farrazut Mtntui.
J Chicago Tribune. j
jWhen Vinnie Ream was'modelingher
statue of Farragut the admiral's old
boatswain visited her studio. She asked
him to look while she worked, and tell
her if there was any thing he liked, "and
anything you don t like, either,: she
added. He stared and stared, and pres
ently he began to laugh softly to him
self. She turned quickly : "What's the
matter?" "Why, you've gone and left
out the trumpet, and the old iman
never would 'a left it off that day."
The first idea was to represent the his
toric "swear-word" scene at the pas
sage of the forts. "Why, to be sure,"
she said, "and what else ?" But Jack's
courage was gone, and lie hemmed and
hawed, she urging him with questions
until he burst out with : " Well, now,
look a here, the old man wasn't such a
d-j-d fool as to go into a fight with his
best clothes on, and you've togged him
out there like a house afire !" Then he
fled percipitately "leaving me, the
sculptress said, "face to face with the
awful fact that I had put him in full-
dress uniform. I sent at once to Mrs.
Farragut for a 'fighting suit,' and sho
let me have the very one ho wore at
Plaquemine bond, of which this is a
fac-simile."
ueciase ne was n ijeiiuii.
Arkansaw Traveler.
A man was arrested for kicking an
old fellow. After an examination, tha
justice of the peaco said : "It was my
intention, sir, to fine you $10, but hav
ing just learned that the victim was a
member of the last legislature, I send
him to jail, throw the state into the cost
and discharge you." j
lA clergyman savs that the baby that
pulls whiskers, bites fingers and grabs
for everything it sees has in it tho ele
ment1) of a successful politician.
ON NIAGARA'S BRINK.
A Philadelphia Lawyer
He Crept Out on an
Tells How
Ice Projee-
tion.
Philadelphia Press.
"Did you ever hear of a - man stand
ing on top of Niagara falls without
losing his life?" asked Mr. C. P. Sher
man yesterday. "Well, I did. You have
heard of the magnificent ico bridge bo
low the falls. Having business at Buf
falo I ran up to look at tho ice gorge,
The ice, "which had poured down from
the upper lakes, piled up at the foot of
the Horseshoe and froze under the
spray. I clambered over the bridge,
and, going up on the Canadian
side, went down under the Horse
shoe fall into the Cave of
the Winds. What superb stalag
mites and stalactites of ice there
were there; reaching from roof to
floor, with the thundering curtain of
the fall between us and the light. After
I had crossed the river by the suspen
s'on bridge I crossed the bridge above
the American fall to Goat island, which
was covered with snow and deserted
The shrubbery and trees near tho falls
were coated with ice, in places, on some
of the trunks, several inches in thick
ness, looking as if they, had been cut
out of marble, or were the ghosts of
dead trees. Wandering across the
island, I crossed over to the Three
Sisters, and, by means of a jam of great
blocks of ice, out to tho old canal-boat,
past which the water was rushing
swiftly.
Going back to Goat island, 1 went
down to tho foot-bridge to Terrapin
rock, where the old tower used to
stand, and ont on tho rock. When I
got there I observed that a quantity of
ice, covered with snow, had by some
means become fixed upon the project
ing rocks on the edge of the Horseshoe
fall beyond tho rock where I stood,
forming a bridge on the extreme edge
of the fall, and about 100 feet long by
perhaps ten or fifteea feet wide. In
stantly the desire to go upon this
bridge and look over the fall seized me.
L dug out a stone irom tne snow as
heavy as I could lift, and, stepping out
as far as 1 dare, threw it with all my
force upon the bridge, which stood
firm, the stone sticking fast in the
snow. Then I ran back to the island
and broke off a good staff, and, com
iDg back to Terrapin rok, commenced
the rather trying journey. The snow
which covered the ice was itself covered
with a thin coating of ice, which
broke beneath my feet, thus giving me
a good foothold; and as to my
head, I was sure of that, as I had thor
oughly tested its anti-dizziness tho pre
ceding summer on shipboard and
among the Swiss glaciers and precipices.
Prodding my staff or alpenstock heavily
into the snow before me to try the way,
I walked out untl I had reached about
the middle of my ice bridge, and then I
stopped to look. Tho sight was the
grandest and the most awe-inspiring
I have ever beheld. As I looked up
the river the curve on the on-coming
water seemed almost as high ns my
head, and 8tead3ing my eye upon some
floating particle, the whole mass teemed
coming down upon me with an irre
sistible power ihat must inevitably
carry me over the br.'ni and into
eternity, but with a swift, hissing rush,
it swept under me, leaped out, and with
a horrible roar plunged into the awful
chasm, whence huge clouds of spray,
like the smoke of its torment, ascend
ing, swept back and over me.
"Steadving myself by my staff, I sank
quietly upon uiy knees, then stretched
myself iiat upon my stomach, and
looked down over tho fall, lou can
imagine what I saw. When the spray
would clear away, the water, rushing so
swiftly as to appear to be drawn into
lines and furrows, and,' springing out
under my very face, coull be seen to
fall, at first a solid, greenish mass, then
broken into foam , into a chaos which
tho eve could not penetrate. I could
feel my bridge trembling with the rush
of the water, and realizing that any mo
ment might see it and me following the
descending Hood, I arose, took one look
up and down a look to last for a life
time and retraced my steps. As 1
passed tho rock 1 l al thrown on the
bridge, I could not resist tho tempta
tion of dislodging it and seeing it whirl
away over tho liquid procipice.
A Western Inek Htory.
Carson (Nev.) Appeal.
As tho storm somewhat subsided
last Monday, tuiu Fletcher thought he
would go out and see ii lie could Kill a
few of the ducks that, immediately after
a snowstorm, are iound abundantly in
the spring holes in different parts of
the valley. Mounting his snow shoes,
ho proceeded to the vicinity of the hot
springs. As ho was slipping along over
fivo or six feet of snow, his eye on the
lookout for game, he heard the distinct
quack of a duck nearly beneath his
feet. Surprised, ho ran his snow shoe
into what appeared to be a cave. Im
mediately a big mallard fie w out, which
was quickly knocked endwise with his
pole. Another big duck then came,
which he caught in his hands and
wrung its neck. Then another popped
out, which met the same fate : then an
other, until thirty-eight ducks lay dead
at the hunter's feet. Being curious to
know what sort of a place ho had
struck, Fletcher made a larger opening
and found that he was just abovo a
large spring 'hole about twelve feet in
diameter. The ducks, during the storm.
had taken refuge there, it being pro
tected by a bank on the windward side.
The violent wind had drifted snow from
the bank over the pool, forming at first
a shelf and at last a complete roof, and
the birds were securely imprisoned. If
Mr. Fletcher had not discovered their
retreat, they would probably have
starved to death before the sun released
them from their curious confinement.
, Iconise Michel.
Chicago Herald. J
Louise Michel has been permitted to
leave her Clermont prison fo. a few
hours at a time to visit her sick mother.
She is spending most of her time in
writing b a r.ea for young people, and
the storh s are of a characier peculiarly
adapted to qualify young, people for a
uture residence l:ke h.rs, in priSJii.
In a Chinese citv when a man goes
out after dark he carries a pa. er lantern
with his name and add re a upon it..
The First Ioaaeoratlon.
Ben: Perley Poore's Reminiscences. 1
William Dunlap, tho artist, graphic
ally described the appearance of
oshington and other dignitaries at
the first inauguration. The oath was
administered on the balcony of Federal
hall, in Wall street, New York, where
a statue of Washington now marks the
spot. This building had been erected
for the accommodation of congreRS
under tho direction of Major L'Enfant,
a French officer -of enginoera, who
afterwards planned the city of Wash
ington. In front of the balcony were
the volunteer companies of militia in
fall uniform, with a large concourse of
citizens.
Gen. Washington is described as
having worn that day a plain suit of
brown cloth, coat, waistcoat ana
breeches of home manufacture, even to
the buttons, on which llollinson, an on-
graver, had portrayed the arms of the"
United States. White biik stocKings
showed the contour of a manly leg;
and his shoes, according to the fashion
of that day, were ornamented with
buckles. His head was uncovered and
his hair dressed and powdered, for such
was the universal custom of the time.
Thus was his tall, fine figure presented
to our view at the moment which forms
an epoch in the history of nations.
John Adams, a shortor figure, in a simi
larly plain dress, but with the (even
then) old-fashioned Massachusetts wig.
stood at Washington s right hand, and
opposite to' the president-elect stood
Chancellor Livingston in a full suit of
black, ready to administer the pre
scribed oath of olhce. Between them
was placed Mr. Otis, the clerk of the
senate, a small man, bearing the Bible
on a cushion. In the background of .
this picture and in the right and left
compartments formed by the pillars
stood the warriors and sages of the
revolution.
When all was ready Gen. Washing
ton stretched forth his right hand with
that simplicity and dignity which char
acterized all his actions, and placed it
on the 0eu book. The oath of office
was read, tho Bible was raised and he
bowed his head upon it, reverentially
kissing it. The chancellor then made
proclamation, "God save George Wash
ington, president of the United States
of America." A shout went up from
the multitude, cannon were fired near
by, the music played and every one ap
peared delighted.
Trial by Jury.
"Gith" in Philadelphia Time
I would not ha surprised if in the
next few years there were some re
markable changes made in this city.
Even trial by jury is becoming regarded
as an obsolete institution, too cumbrous
and uncertain for modern administra
tion. Why should twelve men be called
away from their work to decide a case
that three judges can understand in a
limited time and settle more justly?
Here are the courts crowded
every day with, jurymen waiting to
get on a case and all ardent to go home.
They regard themselves in a measure as
injured by having been summoned, and
they often find verdicts according to
the delays lawyers relatively interpose.
When they go out to deliberate, if there
is a disagreement iney uo not wait
about it five minutes, but one side or
the other gives up or they compromise.
Hence tho principle involved in the
trial is lost sight of entirely. Besides,
these juries of . twelve men are com
posed of some exceedingly ignorant per
sons, who sleep and nod during the case,
and by the end of the trial forget what
the beginning was. Three judges would
not go to sieep and would make tho
lawyers hurry up, and we should not
therefore have our courts clogged with
cases, some of which take a week or
two to try, when men who understand
the law would close them up in half a
day to a day.
The Mpeaker's (Uavel.
Washington Letter.
It has become customary, by courtesy.
for a retiring speaker to take with him
the gavel he has used, to keep as a relio
in his family ; so a new one must bo
made for each speaker elected. Tho
new one iuade for the present speaker
has a very plain, stout round hickory
handle, about ten inches long. Its
mallet is a stout piece of ivory, about
fivo inches in circumference, and on
either end are two blue circlos. . The
first handlo mado for this now gavel
was a fancy one of ebony, with various
projections and indentations; making
it very weak in certain places ; so at tho
last moment a new handle had to be
made, lest the new speaker should
break the ebony one tho first time ho
used it with emphasis, lie is not a
man, however, giving to acting on
violent impulses or easily provoked to
anger on any occasion. 1 wo of those,
however, whom he has within a few
weeks called to take his place in tho
chair have broken the strong handle of
tho new gavel. Once tho mallet-end
flew off tho handle and just missed
striking one of tho clerks at the table
in front of the speaker's desk upon tho
head. Such a blow from tho heavy
piece of ivory would have been painful
if not serious in its ellects.
Kna-llsh Women as Fire-Bnlider,.
IT. Goodman in Cleveland Herald.
There are no women in the world
better posted on fire-making than tho
daughters of England. Ihey. dons
feel ashamed of it in any class. They
pride themselves with using the tongs
to perfection. -By carefully placing
the coals on the fire instead of throw
ing them on they leav an opening to
let the blazo through between the
pieces, and that is the reason that the
fires of English houses have a smoother
and more cheerful appearance than
elsewhere. With such coals as we
have they might have the handsomest
fires in the world. It is a dainty thing
to make a nice fire in a polished grate.
The 'nrrin" Htyle,
Philadelphia Call.
Jones I see it stated that private
coachmen of very fashionable families
are now attired in heavy furs such as
gentlemen used to wear.
smith xe8, it is necessary.
Jones Why should it bo necessary.
Smith To - distinguish them from
the gentlemen who are now attired in
heavy, short-waisted, long-tailed, big
buttoned coats such as coachmen used
to wear.