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THE COLUMBIAN,
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY
AT
8T. IIELEN3, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
jrr
2S. G. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor.
THE COLUMBIAN.
PUBLISHED EVERY TKIDAT.,
at ' -" y
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO.,OIU
E. G. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor.
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YOL. in.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON: JULY 13, 183.
NO. 49.
One sonar (10 lines) first Insert! n-l.
.tJ 09
aaoa suDseqaent lnstruon.
... 1 00
m TFT. TTh
-L iJL 11 iry
TI3 SAFE ON THE OTHER SIDE.
There's wrong side, and a right s'de,
There' i a false side, and a true:
Tbre is no halfway at work or play.
Ton must choose bctweeu ttie two;
And when you find you're in the wrocg.
And fam would seek a guide.
All doubt dismiss reme o o.-r this
'lis sale on tha other aidtl
Tear not to make a crossing,
Tha bridge is auoch aod ktrong:
Though biilowa wreath and foam beneath.
Behind jou lies the wrong;
lor never yet waa mortal man
Shipwrect ed or cat away
By oeekinr light to find tnt right.
And making no delay.
The path you tread sennas fiirtr.
Its pltfaljs covered oVr
With rosy bloom, that sheds perfume
Than do'li the other shore.
Whoso Alpire r ctt tower mountains high.
And little vales d:vil.
Where men xnut o imD ant head my rbyine-
'Tia safe on the other side
But should they find yon climbing
With alpenstock in haud.
Each rugged height of tru v and rfght,
Cp. up where tne strong men atud.
No oul will ever say to you.
Of all the true and tritd.
In looking bacx on wrong's old track.
'lis iafi on the other side.
There's a right tide, and a wrong aide,
Tnere's a lain? s.de and a true;
Th-re is no hallway at work r play.
You mutt chcose between the t wo
Mrs. M. A. Kidder.
"Sam's Strawberries; or the 'W.C.TAS.'
It was Jce Pert ins that first proposed
it there wasn't a boy in Riverside who
wculd have thought of it. Indeed, it
required a good deal of talking on Joe's
part before they coald be coaxed into it;,
and I believe, even to the last moment,
they would have been glad to have
given it up, but they were afraid of Joe's
ridicule.
Joe was not a Riverside boy; he was
from the city. It was whispered among
the elder people that his father had sent
him up here in the country, to nis un
cle's, because he was bo wild at home.
At any rate he was not a good boy. You
would know that to look at him. And
he was not only bad, but he was mean
about it; for he always tried to get out
it; it mattered nothing to him in some
one innocent suffered for his wrong
doing. But, somebow or other the boys were
perfectly carried away with him at first,
partly, perhaps, with his bold, dashing
ways.partly with his stories of city life
what he and the fellows of his set did at
home aud a great deal, I am afraid, be
cause he pleased their vanity by telling
them repeatedly how superior they were
to most country boys. He had not been
there a month before every Riverside
boy had invested in cigarettes, and was
racticicg smokiLg on the sly, and
ooked in unfeigned amazement at Joe,
to see him puff so unconcernedly at his
cigar when the cigarette was more than
enon h rthra . T! W , ioK the j
adbpid Je'at style or'tamTflgvHe nsea
a good deal of slang, some of it pretty
rough and coarse, and sometimes, I am
sorry to say, he used sometbirg worse
than slang. And the boys tried to be as
cityfiedas possible.
It was a system of manliness, accord
ing to Joe's creed, to tease and torment
anything or anybody that could not de
fend themselves.
"Girls were well enough," he said,
'for little boys to play with, but a fellow
didn't want to be bothered by them;
and, besides, they hadn't time for non
sense" said "nonsense" being any po
lite attention to one so unfortunate as to
be a girl.
One of the first things he did was to
organize the Wild Cat Club. He made
himself chief, planning all the mischief,
and a pretty poor sort of mischief some
of it was, too; but he kept out of real
ork in it, so if they should bo oaught
he would be in no danger.
"What an indignation meeting there
was among the girls when they found the
boys had a secret society, and had never
asked them to join. It must be broken
up, or they invited to join one of the
two thev decided at the very outset;
but it was rather a difficult matter to de
cide how to accomplish their desire..
They got up a charade party at Annie
Parker'sthey used to have so much fun
Ihere but the boys did not come because
Joe was not invited, and had appointed a
club meeting as soon as he heard ot it.
Then they, the girls, proposed apicnio
at Dr. Darles grove, but the boys vetoed
the subject on the spot. They even or
ganized an opposition society in hopes
of rousing the boys' curiosity, wore
enormous badges, looked as though pos
sebsing wisdom far beyond Solomon, and
spoke in mysterious language, all to no
effect, for not a single boy appeared to
notice anything.
But just as the girls had exhausted all
their resources, and wero alout in de
spair, the boys began to tire of it them
selves, and Joe saw with alarm that he
was losing ground rapidly, and that un
less he did something speedily his club
would desert him.
Then it was he thought of Sam
Stebbin's strawberries. The club
was holding session in Grandfather
Knox's old barn; it was out of
the way and unused, so they had taken
possession of it.
"I say," said Joe, noting with anxiety
the listless look of the club, "Sam Steb
bin'a strawberries are ripening fast;
gues he means to pick a lot for market
day after to-morrow."
Now as Sam's strawberries were always
ripe earlier than any one else's in the
vicinity, and as he raised them for the
market, Joe's remark did not make much
stir.
"Suppose we have some fun out of
them, boys," he continued.
"I should like to know how on earth
7ou exnect to get any fun out of Sam's
berrifcs?" said Will Peter, raising him
3tf
elf on his elbows ond
staring at
Joe
with astonishment.
"Oh," replied Joe carelessly, "we
could get the start of Sam a little, and
have a strawberry festival for a change;
that wouldn't be bad. I'm uncommon
fond of strawberries. And Just imagine
the sport when Sam finds his berries all
picked and gone."
Solemn stillness reigned. Not a boy
dared to come out boldly and refuse to
haye anything to do with it, lest Joe
should call them girl babies with no
spirit at all, all behind the times, regu
lar milksops; that would be dreadful
And yet not one of them liked the plan.
"We boys at home have done such
things lots of times; Us piles of fun,
going out at night so, and having to take
care not to be seen. Of course," Joe
added loftily, "after Sam has had his
scare we can take up a contribution and
pay him well. '
That sounded better perhaps Joe was
not so bad, after all; they felt ashamed
to think they had suspected him; there
would be fun getting them, and wouldn't
Sam make sport for them, it was such
sport to see him angry.
He was a half-foolish fellow, who lived
by himself at the farther end of the
town, aud raised a few small fruits and
early vegetables. The strawberries were
his particular pets; he watched over them
as anxiously and tenderly as a mother
over a child no strawberries were so
early, so large, or so nice an his. Left to
himself, Sam was quiet and 'harmless;
but if molested, or vexed in any way, he
was wild almost beyond control.
What could excite him so as to lose his
first strawberries? How he would fairly
rave! As Joe suggested, they would
make it all right afterward. ' So they laid
their plans for the next night, or rather
Joe planned for them and they silently
consented.
Tbey were to go to the lot one at a
time, lest if seen in a band ! they would
be suspected and they were to meet at
the oM barn at ten o'clock for a spread.
Having settled it, they broke up early
and went their several ways, with a
tjuilty look about them so soon.
It was noticeable that the entire club
was very quiet the next day, and be
traved considerable agitation if suddenly
or unexpectedly addressed, j
"I wish we were out of it, said Hal
Winters just before night. "I believe
. . ' a a
we re going to get caugnt, and ior an
Joe says, I can't see such a terrible
amount of fun in it. I wouldn't tell him
so, though, for he'd say we were a pack
of thick-headedootry loons."
V . , - . . 1 il AJ A
xiignc came awast, anuaiso tua urae 10
put their plans into execution. Ned
Ashley was the first one to visit the
strawberry plot. He came from th -north,
and crept along in the shade cl
the bushes.
Everything was quiet. Sam's house
was shut; he was a firm believer in the
early to bed early to rise doctrine, es
pecially in strawberry time. Further
more, his room was on the other side of
the house, so there was no danger of his
aeeing them, and there were no near
neighbors.
Ned came up a little more boldly as
he saw how disturbed it seemed, and he
went to the portion of the lot assigned
to him.
"Jerusalem crickets! he said aloud,
with a low whistle of surprise which he
checked instantly, after an astonished
survey of not only his portion but the
whole lot. Then ' with a hasty glauce
over bis shoulder toward Sam's house,
hejvent awftjmnnh faster .than he had
corned" 'j;- :
Tom Wells was the next oue; he came
from the south road, so he had not seen
Ned. He, too, turned and went away
rapidly after a few minutes' survey. So
one after another they came and went
empty-banded, for, do you know, in the
whole lot, wLich at seven : o'clock had
been so full of nice red berries, there was
not a ripe berry to be seen, not a single
one. '
It was just ten o'clock when the band
of Wild Cats a very appropriate name
for them in their present state of mind
crept slowly and shamefacedly up to
ward the old barn.
"What does it mean?" they questioned
anxionsly of each other.
Had Sam changed his mind and picked
at night instead of early in the morning?
But he never ceuld have picked them all
himself in an hour. What could it mean?
Were they suspected? They opened the
barn door and went in, only to stop be
fore they were hardly over the' threshold
in fear and amazement.
From every corner there appeared a
a girl there was Lou Bently, just be
yond was Kitty Carroll, over in that cor
ner Carrie Hyde, in another Ned Willis
they were all there, in one place and
another.
"How do you do? We are the W. C.
T.'a, and we've come to give you a sur
prise party. We knew you met here,
but we began to be afraid that you were
not coming to-night. Come in, do."
Wasn't it dreadf ul. !
"I declare," said Ned Ashley, after
wards. "I should have thought I was
making money if I could have sold my
self for a cent."
The girls flew about merrily, paying
no attention to the utterly crest-fallen,
anxious faces of their guests; nor did any
one notice that Joe took the first oppor
tunity that presented itself, of slipping
out of the door and away. ;
"I'm not going to get caught in any
such trap," he said to himself.
"Now, boys," said Lou Bently, "if
you will make yourself useful a few
minutes, we will in our turn serve you;
just open the doors, please, so we can
see." j
The boys did as requested, and lo! and
behold! in one corner stood a bench
heavily laden with plates of cake, while
at each end stood a large dish of straw
berries. The Wild Cats were fairly dumb with
phaneand surprise. If only the floor
would open and let them drop into
China, what a relief it would be!
But the W. C. T.'s, whatever that stood
for, chatted away as pleasantly as could
be, while they served themselves and
guests.
"Sam has the best berries of any one,
doesn't he?" said Nell Willis, as she
passed her plate to be re filled. "Do
you know," she west on, looking inno
cently toward the boys, "papa says Mr.
Kent said if any one stole Sam's berries
he'd find them, sure as could be, and
have them arrested."
"But then," she added "there is no
danger, for no one ' around here would
think of it, I know."
"Not a Wild Cat 'ooked up or made any
reply. "Now," said the president of the
W. C . T.'s, after the feast was over,
"haven't we had a good time?"
"Slendid," answered the Wild Cats in
unison, as cheerfully as could be ex
pected in their state of mind.
"Then what is the use of running two
clubs. Why not unite?" I
"Why not?" echoed the Wild Cats.
The girls never told how much they
knew, or how they came to know at all.
But little bv little the bovs fathered
' that they had discovered the main part
of the plot, an3 under the came of "W.
C. T.'s" Wild Cat Tamers, the boys
winced a little at that had resolved to
take matters into their own hands very
successfully, as we have seen.
Joe was never invited to join the new
club. In fact, he did not stay for an in
vitation; for, after a short conversation
with bis uncle, the next day he packed
up his things and left Jtr home.
The place was too slow for him, he
said. '
Scene in an English Court. 1
A few days since a man of high re
spectability was tried on the charge of
forging a will, in which it was discovered
he had an indirect ' interest to a large
amount. Samuel Warren, the celebrated
author of the "Diary of a Physician,'"
etc., was associated with-the prosecuting
attorney, and the case was tried before
Lord Denman.
The prisoner being arraigned, and the
formalities gone through witl, the pros
ecutor, placing his thumb over the seal,
held up the will and demanded of the
prisoner if he had seen the testator sign
the instrument; to which he promptly
answered he had.
"And did you sign it at his request, as
subscribing witness?"
"I did."
"Was it sealed with red or black
wax?"
"With red wax."
"Did you see him seal it with red
wax?"
"I did."
"Where was the testator when he
signed and sealed this will?"
"In his bed."
"Pray, how long a pieoe of wax did he
use?"
"About three or four inohes long."
"Who gave testator this piece of
wax?'
"I did."
"Where did you get it?"
"From the drawer of his desk."
"How did yon light that piece of wax?"
"With a candle."
"Where did that candle come from?"
"I got it out of a cupboard in his
ro m."
"How long was that piece of candle?"
"Perhaps four or five inches long."
"Who lit that piece of candle?"
"I lit it."
"With what?"
"With a match."
"Where did you get that match?"
"On the mantel-shelf in the room."
Here Warren paused and fixed his
large, deep-blue eyes upon the prisoner.
He held the will above his head, his
thumb still resting on the seal, and said,
in a solemn, measured tone:
"Now, sir, upon your solemn oath, you
saw testator sign that will sign it in his
had a his request you ffd' v as a
subscribing witness you saw him Sjeal
it with red wax a piece of wax, two,
three, or four inches long; he lit the
wax with a piece of candle which you
procured foi him from a cupboard; you
lit that candle with a match which you
found on the mantel-shelf?"
"I did."
"Once more, sir, upon your solemn
oath, you did?"
I did.'
"My Lord," exclaimed the triumphant
attorney, "It's a wafer.
The Book-keeper.
To the ordinary observer there is very
little of romance in a day-book and
ledger, or in the lives of those who pour
over the - monotonous columns of their
pages.. The utter commonplace charac
ter of a book-keeper's life is apparent to
no one more than himself. So long as
accqunt books tell the truth, they are the
prosiest of ail prosy human tomes, and
so long as the accountant is honest he is
in nowise a hero, never acquires notori
ety in fact, scarcely maintains any posi
tive individuality.
When books or their keepers appear in
court, or are arraigned at the bar of pub
lic opinion, then not only are the recon
dite intricacies of a set of books made
more mysterious, but the brains behind
them loom into a proud or ignoble prom
inence exceeding that of the most con
spicuous politician. And yet, some of
the greatest novelists in the English lan
guage have made romantic and have
clothed with rare interest the account
ants of their tales.
One of the pleasantest pictures in
"Nicholas Nickleby" is presented to the
reader in the counting-room of the
Cheerble Bros., with Tim Linkwater en
throned as head bookkeeper. The happy
and confidential relations of headship
and subordination therein depicted indi
cate the possible amenities and charities
of business relations between the em
ployer and the employed. The novelist
furnishes us with nearly every phase of
that life which the bookkeeper lives, and
presents vividly the diverse characters
which are either sought or manage to in
gratiate themselves into the necessities,
secrets and ambitions of business men
who must confide in their subordinates.
The pride in a master's house and bus
iness, solicitude for the welfare and bus
iness prosperity of the sou and heir
what a touching pioture has Scott fur
nished in old Owen! A rascally capital
ist, with a subservient but honest clerk,
who eventually f snakes a wicked master
in order to assure justice to a defrauded
boy, are graphically portrayed in Ralph
Nickleby and Newman Noggs, while
Uriah Heep stands as the impersonation
of insinuating villainy, using all his
rare but slimy energies in defrauding
and ruining his best friend. But the ro
mantio phrases of an accountant's life
are exceptional and abnormal. Romance
has no place in a set of books, and should
never appear in conjunction with the
man who keeps them.
The life of a bookkeeper is an emi
nently respectable one. He has to do
with facts, and his every figure is shaped
in strictest accordance with principles of
order and truth in the recording of facts.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
While more boys are born than girls
it is a singular fact that there is a sur
plus of female population. It is easily
accounted for. Fooling with toy pistols,
playing base ball and falling off cherry
trees, all boyish pastimes, are six times
more hazardous than wsaring corsets
and jumping the rope 500 times in one
inning.
The French Judicial System.
To begin with the lowest rung of the
ladder: It is pretty generally known
that the departments of France are di
vided into arrondissements, which again
are divided into cantons, each consisting
of a certain number of communes. At
the chief town of each canton is stationed
a "jage de paix," whose duties are ju
dicial, extra-judicial aud administrative
He corresponds only in name to our jus
tice of the peace; and his first duty.
wnicu. is known as conciliation, is to
try and put a stop to litigation at its ori
gin by making "peace" between dispu
tants. He also adjudicates eivil causes up
to 4, or, subject to appeal, up to C0. No
costs are inenrred inhis court. He is
ex officio president of all 'family councils
which deal with the affairs of minors, af
fixes and removes the seals upon prop
erty in case of death or bankruptcy, and
from time to time conducts local admin
istrative inquiries arising out or pro
posed legislative measures. He is as
sisted by a registrar.
The courts next above the "juges de
paix" are the tribunals of thearrocdisse
mets or of first instance, of which there
are 3G9. The strength of these tribunals
varies according to the importance of
the locality from one court in 203
places to four in Lyons, Marseilles and
Bordeaux, and eleven in Paris. The
smallest tribunals have a president and
and two judges, the number of judges
gradually increasing until in the tribunal
of the Seine, with its eleven courts, there
are a president, eleven vice-presidents,
eeventy-two judges and fifteen deputies,
("suppleants") ready to take their places.
Elsewhere each tribunal has three "sup
pleants." There are besides a number of
registrars and clerks ("greffiers" and
"commis-greffiers"). One or more of
the judges of each tribunal are charged
with the duties of "judge destruction"
in criminal cases that is to say, with the
preliminary investigation which takes
place in England before a magistrate.
There are twenty of these juJges in
Paris. The State is represented at each
tribunal by a procureur (now called "de
la Republique") who has one or several
deputies ("substitutes"). There are as
many as twenty six of these deputies in
Paris. The procureurs discharge the
duties of our public prosecutor and
counsel for the crown, and the word an
swers to "attorney" in our title of attorney-general.
-Indeed, the French avoues
or attorneys were formerly called pro
cureurs. These representatives of the
state are technically called the "par
quet" a term which is a diminutive of
the word "pare," and was at first applied
to the place where they sit the little
park, inclosure, or reserve.
Higher up in the organization are the
courts of appeal, of which there are
twenty rix. Eaou cojrthas a first pres
ident and at least twenty councilors, as
the judges of appeal are called, "and is
divided into three separate chambers
the civil court, the court of criminal ap
peal, and a third which deals with cases
ra'sed by the procureur-general as pub
lic prosecutor. The latter is assisted in
his i auctions by several advocate-gen-ercls
erd subJ-itutes.
At the epex of the French judicial sys
tem is t'je Cour de Cassation which we
might perhaps call the court of reversal
siLl'ug in Paris at the Palais de jus
tice. Its firot duty is to deal with vices
o! piocedure in lower courts, and to
remove errors by remitting cases for
trial to the same court that first tried
them or to another, as it sees fit. It
never goes into the merits of a case or
tries one itself. It is divided into three
separate courts that of requests, a
civil and criminal court and consists of
a first president, three presidents, and
forty-five councilors appointed by the
minister of justice. Eleven is the
quorum. The Cour de Cassation has
also hitherto had disciplinary power
over the judges of all other courts, even
to suspension or dismissal, but the
measure now .before the chambers,
and which is certain to be car
ried, creates a "Superior Coun
cil," which will take bver all such
powers, and will also deal with the re
moval of judges. This change has been
rendered necessary by the laws carried
last year. Previously, First Presidents,
Presidents, Councilors and even judges
of first instance, when once appointed,
were irremovable; but the Republican
Oovernment found the old traditions of
the "noblesse de robe" too independent
for them. The judges were not compli
ant eaough; and they will now be re
movable by the Superior Council on the
application of the Minister of Justice.
This Council will be formed of the First
President of the Cour de Cassation, four
of its Councilors elected among them
selves, and ten more of that body chosen
half by the senate and half by the cham
ber of deputies.
The salaries of the judges are also re
vised, and they are divided' into three
classes. Presidents and procur
ers will receive from 220 to 400 a
yearjvice presidents,180 to 280:judge
d'instruction, ;1G0 to 260; judges,
144 to 240, the procureur's substi
tutes, 120 to 200; and registrars and
their clerks, 80 to 120. These
amounts are an increase upon the pre
ent scale; and perhaps the peculiarities
in this system which most strike an Eng
lish observer are the extraordinary num
ber of judges and the extreme smallness
of their salaries. St. James Magazine.
Sunday With the Lion Tamer.
"Lalla Rookh is seventy-five years old
and Sampson is over 100," said Qeorge
Conklin, the lion tamer, yesterday after
noon at the fair grounds, where Cole's
circus has been wintering. "Jim, tie 'em
loose and we'll take 'em into the ring
and show the Globe-Democrat reporter
how to break elephants. Lalla Rookh
only came back to me three weeks ago.
und she's a little cranky from the acci
dent which happened to the Kiralfy
show. You remember that about a month
ago on leaving Cincinnati there was a
collision in which four train men lost
their lives, and Lalla bad her head pro
jected through a freight car, which blow
knocked her silly, but she will soon be
all rieht I guess. That tackling there I
use to teach them to stand on their beads. '
I make Tom lie down aud my assistants
hitch that chain and pulley to his hind
legs, after which another elephant is put j
in harness and hauls Tom's ftet up into j
the air and makes him balance on his
head. All the elephants shed their milk
teeth when about twelve years old.
Here's one that Lizzie least about two
weeks ago. Sampson is1 a heavier ele
phant than Jumbo, but hot quite as tall.
He is, however, the largest Asiatic ele
phant in America to-day. I come of a
circus stock. My brother, Tete Conklin,
is a clown, John is a 4Hercules," or can
non ball manipulator, and my father was
a tamer of wild beasts." I
"Is your life insured j 'f
"No: the age its will never bother me,
and those to whom I have applied for in
surance refer me to the company, who in
varibly decline the risk. Bitten! Oh,
yes; I'm scarred all over!, but lam not
maimed, as youisee. I got the two lion
cubs up here all right on Thursday: and
Bnan oegin to periorm inem as soon as
pcrsible, but I'm afraid that fellow with
his eye partly scratched out ain't going
to irate much of a trick lion. I put him
a !
in reeve witn tnose two old lions yester
day, a icr putting a collar and chain on
him, r:d you oughter seen the wool fir
for ten mi-rates, but he got enough and
is qtre'rr. now." I
Mr. C jnklin then opened the door of
the iTea and entered, after jokingly in-
vil:nj f e reporter to joih him. He per
formed C'-ie older Uods, placing bis head
in tl:e!r rr oaths, bat the creen fellow who
Je.'t E-i-nd but three weeks ago would
ccep rooe of his overtures and growled
ominous' v. j
"Can a Z3brabe broken to tricks"
"Yes. but we don't do I it, because the
people coald noi be made believe other
thru Oat ii was a painted trick, mule.
Ostrches can be broken, and Barnum
will have boys ride them around the
ring for races. The rhinoceros, which
losl iti horn a few weeks ago, is sporting
anot'ier, you see. I'm going to teach
that hppopotamus to stand on a pedestal
and uarce, but he's good now for noth
ing bat showing his lungs through that
big jaw of his. The most iniereiting an
imal here is that kangaroo, which has a
drn.hl 3r six months old that she carries
in her pouch yet. Look! down in there
and you will see the young one's head
KticL'ag out, and the little eyes looking
shyly at you. The baby j kangaroo will
stay :n the pouch two months longer
funny, ain't it ? I lost my sea lion a few
weeks ago; it committed suicide by
drowning."
"How?"
"Laid down on the platform and put
its head in the water till it died. Yon
see, it bad neart disease and was weary
of life. Sea lions are often afflicted with
heart disease." St. Louis Globe-Demo
crat. I
Proposals In Novels."
Nancy, Miss Broughton's heroine. tells
her middle-aged wooerU amoug other
things, that she accepts him, because "I
did think it would be a nice thing for
the boys; but I like you myself, besides."
After this ardent canlession he "kissed
her with a sort of diffidence." Many
men would have preferred to go out and
kiok the bovs. I
Mr. Rochester's proposal to Jane Eyre
should be read in the1 works ot Bret
Harte and of Miss Bronte. We own that
we prefer Bret Harte's Mr. Rawjester,
who wearily ran the poker through his
hair, and wiped his feet on the dress of
his beloved. Ev3n in the original au
thority, Mr. Rochester conducted him
self rather like a wild beast. . "He
ground his teeth," he seemed to devour
Miss Eyre with his "flaming glance.
iuiss avyre Denaved witn, sense, "i re
tired to the door." . Proposals of this
desperate and homicidal character are
probably rare in real life or at least out
lunatic anylums. To be sure Mr. Roches
ter's house was a kind of lunatic asylum,
in which he kept Mrs. Rochester, unfor
tunately insane. Adam Bede's proposal
to Dinah was a very thoughtful, earnest
proposal. John Ingleesant himself
oould not have been less like that victo
rious rascal, Tom Jones. Colonel Jack,
on the other hand, "used no great cere
mony." But Colonel Jack, like the wo
man of Samaria in the j Scottish minis
ter's sermon, "had enjoyed a large and
rich matrimonial experience," and went
straight to the point, being married the
very day of his successful wooing. Some
one in a story of Mr. j Willie Collins'
asks the fatal question at a croquet par
ty. At lawn tennis, as Nimrod said.long
ago, "the pace is too good to inquire"
into matters of the affections. In Sir Wal
ter's golden prime, or rather in the Forty-five
as Sir Walter j understood il,
ladies were in no hurry and could select
elegant expressions. Thus did Flora re
ply to Waverly: "I can but explain to
you with candor the feelings which I
now entertain; how they might be al
tered by a train of circumstances too fa
vorable pernsps to be hoped for, it
were vain even to conjecture; only be
assured, Mr. Waverly, that after my
brother's honor and happiness there is
none which I shall more sincerely pray
for than yours." This; love is indeed
what Sidney Smith heard the Scotch lady
call "Love in the abstract." Mr. Kings
ley's Tom Thurnall somehow proposed,
was accepted, and was "converted" all
at once a more complex erototheologi
dal performance was never heard of be
before. Many of Mr. Abell's thirty-five
cases are selected from novelists of no
great mark ; it would have been more in
structive to examine only the treatment
of the great masters of romance. But,
after all, this is of but little consequence.
All day long and every day novelists are
teaching the "Art of Love," and playing
the Ovid to the time. lhackeray says
that in writing these passages he used to
blush till you would think he was going
into an apoplexv. But, what are novels
without love? Mere waste paper, only
fit to be reduced to pulp, and restored to
a whiteness and firmness on which more
love lessons may be written. London
Daily News.
i
Muscular Editorials.
A good deal of excitement was occa
sioned in the town of Whitehaven on
Saturday afternoon on a report getting
abroad the editor and proprietor of the
Whitehaven Gazette had been horse
whipped in his own office by Thomas
Jackson, a local timber merchant. The
Gazette is a local paper which is exceed
ingly free in its personal critioioms, and
tha editor, George Windross.has on more
than one occasion been, threatened with
bodily chastisement by parties who con
sidered themselves aggrieved by his re
marks; but, although occasional alterca
tions have taken place, no violence has
been used on either side until Saturday
last, uo mac day some tree comments
ware made in the paper about the abcence
of Thomas Jaokson from the conserva
tive meeting, which was addressed by
Mr. JtsentincK and other conservative
members, on the previous Tuesday. An
noyed at the remarks which, appeared.
Mr. Jackson wslied upon Mr. Windross
at ins residence so early as 9 o clock on
Saturday morning, when that gentleman
was not up. , Mr. Jackson sent np his
oard and asied Mr. Windross to name a
time when he could be seen at his office.
An appointment was madtf or 12:30, at
which time Mr. Jackson presented him'
self at the Gazette office. According to
Mr. Jackson's aocount, when he entered
the editorial sanctum there were three
persons there, George Windross, the ed
itor, and on the other side of a low par-
lion, jonn windross, his brother, and a
reporter. Mr. Jackson politely
requested the editor not t3 re
fer to him again in the columns
of his paper, as he (Mr. Jackson) did not
wish to be considered either a public or
a "society" man. The editor replied he
would refer to him when and how be
liked. Upon this, a wordy altercation
ensued, in the course of which, accord
ing to Mr. Jackson's statement, the edi
tor took hold of a stick and brandished it
over his head. Upon this provocation
Mr. Jackson delivered the editor a blow
in the face with his fist, knocked him
into a corner. The two men closed.
Seeing that his brother, who is the
smaller man of the two. was getting the
worst of it, John Windross leaped over
the partition to his rescue, and, standing
at the window seat, pulled off Mr. Jack
sou, got his head in "chancery" and be
gan "pummeling" him in the face. Mr.
Jackson released himself, and, seizing
George Windross by the coat, pulled
him out into the - passage, where there
was more room. Here a regular set to
fight took place, in which both parties
suffered. Eventually Mr. Jackson states
that he seized the editor by
the collar and pulled him toward the
street door to get rid of his brother. As
soon as he got to the door Mr. Windross
held on the door-poat. and, his necktie
finally giving Way, Mr. Jackson slipped
down the steps into the street, where
upon the door was immediately slammed
to, and the fracas ended. The editor's
account agiees with this up to the strug
gle in the lobby, which terminated, he
said, by Mr. Jackson being "tumbled
into the street like a ball," finally being
dismissed with a blow from the shoulder.
Each party, however, retained a trophy
of the fight. Mr. Jackson leaving his
Lat in the office and bearing in his hand
the editorial necktie. When in the street
Mr. Jackson got into the carriage of a
friend and drove off; but he states that
he intends to call upon Mr. Windross
again, taking a friend with him to se
fair play. Both the combatants are much
marked about the face and the affray is
now the talk of the district. Card ill
Mail, May 26th.
The Safety PIn-IU Antiquity.
Taking the common "safety pin" as a
starting point, the various types into
which the variants fall are ciassined and
exemplified very thoroughly in this little
study. Not a single part of the simple.
though not primitive, instrument but lias
suffered some, strange metamorphosis.
Now the catch is flattened into a disk or
diamond shaped plate, now lengthened
into a tube, now knotted and put baca to
the bow; the bow is alternately short
ened, lengthened, squared, rounded,
decked with studs, grain-work, braces,
rings, plates, amber beads, figures of
birds and beasts and men, or trioked
with hanging ornaments; while tte
spring is found doubled, multiplied into
coils, changed into a solid roll or hinge,
or magnified into gigantic proportions
in relation to the other parts of the
brooch. The Italian groups, with either
simple or two-3pringed bow, are very
distinct; the Hungaro-Scandinvian ex
amples are marked by their spiral catch
and and coil spring; the Greeks charac
teristically seized on the spring as the
feature of the fibula, and eurled the
wire into two spirals, from the centers of
which catch and pin spring. The his
tory of the fibula can be traced for some
2.000 years, starting from its first ap
pearance about ten centuries before
M
Christ.
Probably the most graceful man in
uniform on decoration day was Ma
jor Paul Dana, only son of the editor of
the Sun. He is major of ordinance on
the staff of General Fitzgerald. He rode
with the aids at the head of the second
brigade. His therOugbbred steed pranc
ed next to the curb, giving his scabbard
a musical" jingle. Major Dana is tall
and distingue in appearance. His uni
form was made by Poole of Jersey City.
It fits him like a tight silk Jersey. His
handsome face and manly proportions
sent thrills of admiration through the
hearts of the wondering maidens who
waved their handkeiohiefs at him rap
turously. He is the best horseman on
the staff. Major Dana's physical graces
are exceeded only by his mental endow
ments. He evidently tried to look se
verely warlike as the column began to
move, but the smiles of the fair quiokly
thawed him. Scheming mothers regard
Major Dana as the greatest catch of the
season. Brooklyn Eagle.
The Empress Eugenie had a narrow
escape from a serious accident May 27.
While returning to her residence at
Farnborough from the North Camp Bo
man Catholic Church, Aldershot, one cf
the horses drawing the carriage becamr
restless, and commenced to plunge vio
lently. The other horse, on being
kicked, reared and added to the danger.
Finally one of the animals got his hind
leg over the carriage pole, and both
horses then plunged more violently.
Fortunately, Mr. Hengist, of the Wel
lington Hotel, Aldershot, drove up with
two friends and rendered assistance in
rescuing the party from their dangerous
position. One of the gentlemen in at
tendance had his leg hurt. The Empress
suffered a severe shock, but retained her
self possession throughout, and walked
home with her attendants. Pall Mall
Gazette.
SHORT BITS. '
People who think themselves smart go
abont asking questions like this : "Can
a rope walk?" We say yes when it is
taut. San Frsncisoo News Letter.
A Western paper has started the dis
cussion when men fthonld 1 mmr. On r
idea of the proper time is when thay get
tne gin s consent and tne money to pay
the minister.
Paper is now employed for the con
struction of tlomes for conservatories. It
has also for a long time been utilized
in the manufacture of western raising .
claims and township speculations.
' A Brooklyn girl is much worried linos
the first of May, .Her lover has moved
tuttt door and she is afraid he will see
her putting ont the washing, and expect
her to do it after she is married.
"My son," said an American father.
Alt'. WIAAU J VIA Willi J CU AiWU (UA I
"Why, father, I'm not able to keep two
women. IT 1 married a lankee girl I d
have to hire an Irish girl to take card of
her."
A Sootch parson said somewhat sarcas
tically of a hard drinker that be put an
enemy in his mouth to steal away his
brains, bnt that the enemy, aftet a
thorough and protracted searoh. re
turned without anything.
A teamster in Maine conquers balky
horses by taking them out of the slisfts
and making them go rvund in a cirole.
This is the only method of producing
dizziness in Maine, which is a prohibi
tion state. Lowell Citizen.
'In New York, a few days ago, a hand-
organ grinder's monkey attacked a boy
and bit and injured him severely. It is
supposed that the boy called the mon
key a dude, and the wonder is that the
lad was not torn to pieces. Norristown
Herald.
McKee Rankin is said to be the daddy
of the word "masher." He ones said to
Thome, alluding to the applause given
Thorceby the ladies. "Charley, I'm no
where in this 'rig (alluding to his oos
tume), I only touch their hearts, but by
the gods, you mash em I"
It is said that a young lady can never
whistle in the presence of her lover.
The reason is obvious. He doesn't give
her a chance. When she gets her lips
in a proper position for whistling some
thing else always occurs. Rochester
Post express.
Member of the new club: "Profcasor,
I have called to ask you to give us a
motto for our new club. We want some
thing auggeative in Latin." ;Profusor:
"Something suggestive and in Latin?
Well, yes, I know of a very good one
just the thing, 'Delirium tremens I' "
Barnum claims that his thirteen Nu
bians have a horror for water for bathiaf v
purposes. It was a piece of supereroga- '
tion and a waste of money to import such
"curioRities." The woods in the country
are full of 'em. Barnum might have
lassoed a dozen tramps.
There is a young fellow in bur neigh
borhood who has been making a daily
practice of attempting to sing "Let me
like a soldier die." He seems to crave
death, and they do say that one of the
neighbors who has a musket is preparing
to accommodate him.
Miss Rows of Boston has written a .
play for seven girls. The scene opens
with the girls talking separately. In the
second act they are all talking at once.
In the third act the talk is continued,
and in the fourth act there is a grand
climax. The servant comes in with the
information that there is a man at the
gate, and all rush upstairs to fix up, .
while the curtain falls to slow musio.
Some famous California nuggets: A
piece of gold was taken from the Monu
mental quartz mine, Sierra Buttes, in
1860,which weighed 1596 ounces and was
sold in Sau Francisco for $21,638. A
specimen was found in a mine 200 feet
deep at Chipp's Flat in 1881 which
yielded $22,000. A nugget fouad at
French Ravine in 1851 weighed 42S
ounces and was worth $8000,and aaother
picked up there in 1855 weighed 532
ounces and sold for $10,000.
The Prince And the Whipping Boy.
"What is a whipping boy, anyhow?"
All the boys and girls will ask that ques
tion when they look at a picture of
Edward VI. and his whipping-boy.
I must tell you, then, that in old times
a prince, who was to be a king after he
grew up, was treated as a person of very
groat dignity and importance. It would
not do to punish him, because his person
was held to be sacred; but as a prince
was only a boy, after all, he had to learn
lessons and he bad to obey his teachers.
If he did not get his lessons, or if he was
saucy to his teachers, it would noi do to
overlook the matter; somebody must be
punished, and in those days boys were
always punished by flogging.
But it would not do to flog a prince. .
He was a king's son, and after a while
would become king himself. So when
ever the prince did anything for which a
flogging was necessary, the flogging was
given to another boy. They kept a boy
for the purpose. It was bis business to
take all the prinoe's whippings for him.
and hence they called him the prinoe's
whipping-boy. . .
The boy who took Edward VI. s whip
ping for bim was named Barnabas Fitz
patriok, and it is said that he and tha
prince were very good friends indeed.
A vivid impression of the sadden f ary
of the southern oyclone is conveyed by
this brief statement of Mr. B. B. Jones,
of Beaaregard, Miss., who, the moment
be saw the danger coming, called his
wife and little boy Into the yard and
made them lay fiat on the gronnd and
grasp some shrubs which were within
reach. "I put one around my wife,
says Mr. Jones, "while with the other I
clasped a small tree, and then made my
son lie close to me, and then I said to
them, 'Hold on, hold on, for God's
sake! It is for life!' and them the wind
came. There was a whirl and a rotr. I
was shaken and heard the crash of my
falling house. In an instant it was over.
I still held, my wife in my arms, but she
was insensible, and my "boy was still
nestling close to me, but was bruised
and bleeding." All three escaped with
out serious injury, thanks to Joneu pres
ence of mind and the prompt obedience
I his wife and child.