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THE COLUMBIAN.
THE COLUMBIAN.
. PUBLISHED EVEEY FRIDAY ,
AT
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., 0R
-
Br
E. G. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor
PUBLISHED EVEEY FRIDAY
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
BY
.1
r
E. O. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor.
Subscription Rates:
Advektisin'o Rates:
One fquare (10 line) firvt iiertion....M.
Each kubut quent iuiKjrllOQ....
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ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON: APRIL 20, 1883
I !
. 1 i0
. 60
YOL. ni.
NO. 37.
t3 00
1 00
Three months, "
T H E COLT 1MB I. AiV
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LOVE-S COMMA.XDMENIS.
FKOM TUB rOBTl OLlSK.
The first is, Rosa, that there must not be
One loved by you in all the world but me.
The second is for you to render plain
You must not swear to love me, dear, in Tain.
The third ia Sundays, and when I incline,
Sights through the week to keep thein wholly
mine. '
To honor you, in all jour walks and way?,
Comes fourth to honor you through all niydays.
The fifth is. you shall never kill my rest,
Nor tear with jealous thoughts my taithful
breast.
The sixth ia as for vou nUme tbev
Steal no sly looks at other eyes than mine.
The seventh well, where true love holds his
throne,
He scorns to dream of any but his own.
The eighth, bear no-false witne.v, bad or good;
Of me be silent, a wise maidens should.
The ninth is, ne'er compare your neighbor's
lover so
With me that to otne discredit show.
The
tenth is
covet not another's cashmere
shawl;
But bear with patient grace
luav fall.
what to vour lot
AN IDEAL MARY.
"A cheerful surprise for the bride of a
year, forsooth," thought Pierce Elgin,
with a feeling almost of self-contempt aa
lie stood on the steps of the custom
house at ( . He had just received
notice that a change in the administra
tion would necessitate a change in the
officers of the custom-house, and Elgin's
appointment not receiving the approval
of the President, his was the first head
that fell under the political guillotine.
Ah, Anne, I fear you made a mistake
when you chose the poor artist in prefer
ence to the wealthy and influential law
yer. Art and politics do not agree,"
sighed the gentleman to himself as he
deecended the broad steps leading to the
street. It wa3 a -clear October evening,
and he decided to wait to his home in
the suburbs. As he thoughtfully pro
ceeded on his way, thinking of his wife,
the little romance of his love and mar
riage passed through his mind like the
shifting scenes in a theater.
Four years atro he had met At ne Horst
shortly after his return from Europe,
whither he had gone at the urgent invi-'
tation of an uncle-living abroad, who
wished him to cultivate his talent for
painting. For this purpose he ; had. at-. j
tended the art school : at Munich .and
spent a year in Italy at the expense of
his generous relative. '
He returned to America with fine cre
dentials and lofty ideals. But he did
not find the public as responsive as he
had hoped, nor his colleagues as cordial,
since his idea3 of art an-l theirs were di
vergent. For a time it seemed doubtful
whether he would ever penetrate beyond
the limits of the academy where he was
employed as drawing teacher. However,
a few well-executed portraits brought
him money and a reputation, and short
ly after a first class periodical employed
him to illustrate its pages, so that hi3
beginning was an auspicious one. Bat
he had dreams and ambitions which were
not satisfied with a commonplace success.
He began a painting which he hoped
would bring him lasting fame. And it
was to Anne Horst that he confided his
hopes and dreams. He had no other
relatives besides the uncle before men
tioned, and in Anno he found what he
needed, an intelligent counselor and a
sympathetic friend. She was so sensi
ble, so appreciative, and possessed such
correct taste that, although she was un
able to draw a line, it seemed to Elgin as
if he were talking to a brother artist.
She was only a village school teacher,
living with her widowed mother; had en
joyed no great educational advantages,
but with the knowledge of French and
German, and her wonderful musical
irifia- she rpallv seemed cosmopolitan to
Elgin. How distinctly he recalled their
first meeting! It was the happy summer
.when he had taken it into his head to go
sri. and chose Lake Erie. - The little
village of Westwood. with its groves
stretching down to the water s edge, of
fered all the facilities for a pleasant
summer vacation, and Elvin congratu
latflfl himself on hit eood fortune in dis
covering it. The next morning after his
arrival he determined to make a sketch
o the vicinity for tbe Eastern magazine,
and. takine a boat, rowed across the
"OTpst Fork Bun to cet a better view of
the town. Arriving on the other side he
moored the boat, and, gathering up his
portfolio, proceeded along a footpath
that led him up rather a steep bank to a
dense grove. . Oaentermg it he per
ceived a young lady in the shadow of
some trees. He passed her with t polite
creatine, to which she answered with a
trraeeful bend of her head. After tryiDg
several points from which to make his
- sketch, he retraced his steps, and found
that the best view was from the spot
where the voung lady was idly sitting.
flhe looked uu at his approach, and he
addressed her with a deprecatory smile
"Pardon mr intrusion, madam, but
this seems to Iks tbe best point from
which to get a view of the towu and the
harbor. Will you allow mo to sit here
and sketch?"
"Certainly," was the pleasant answer,
'and if it does! not take too long 1 may
possibly have the pleasure of seeing your
sketch."
"If you will promise not to let me dis
turb you in the least, was the reply.
"I can readily promise you that, aa
am sitting here perfectly idle," answered
she composedly, and then ho began to
sketch rapidly, however, furtively glanc
ing at his quiet companion fiom time to
time. Her appearance justified his curi
osity, for she was almost beautiful. A
Eerfect fitting dress of a clouded blue
armonized well with her clear complex
ion, nut-brown hair rippled back from a
wide forehead, and formed a graceful
coil at the back of her head ; clear gray
eyes looked out with a peculiarly
straightforward gaze from uuder beauti
ful dark brows; nose and mouth were
- well shaped, particularly the latter, the
lips being- beautifully colored. Elgin
-would not have been the artist be was,
; had he failed to note these points. After
having busily sketched for quite a while
be observed smilingly:
"I see you do not take out that pocket
edition of some favorite poet, which is
the indispensable companion to a ramble
in the woods. Does my presence disturb
you too much for reading, after all?"
"No. indeed, my pocKet aoes not nar-
bor the conventional poet. In fact, I do
not enjoy reading out of doors."-;
"Ah, mav 1 ask why not.' inquired
Elcin. secretlv hoping that her reasons
mitrht be congenial with his, who never
. . . i i ,
wanted a oook to aisiuro nis commun
ings "with nature.
"Because 1 can not nx my attention on
. . i a I ! i , .1
a OOOK When a luousauu vu.uea wuuuu
me are calling for it. I think it the most
delightful sensation m the world to its.
entirely idle for an hour at a time, exer
cising Only the sens.s of. sight and hear
ing. Yon, of course, do not appreciate
my ideas of enjoying nature, being an
artist, and therefore diligent." i
"Indeed I do, with tho exception that
the hour to which you limit the blissful
stato is extended into days and weeks in
my case."
There was si'ence again for some time,
during which Elgin kept on working rap
idly, then holding up his sketck he
said : i
"Is it recognizable?"
"Oh, how natural!" exclaimed Anne,
with undisguised admiration. "I am no
judge of art, but your sketch seems a
miracle to me."
"As otherwise it probably would not,"
said Elgin, laughing, but feeling strange
ly flattered. Then in the course of their
conversation he told her that he sketched
for the Monthly, and took his card
from his portfolio, offering it with a bow,
to which she simply answered: t
"AIv name is Anne ilorst, and 1 teacu
at the village High School."
It all came about in such a natural
manner that neither felt any impropriety
in this exchange of courtesies. i
Wuen Anne arose sho poirled to the
gaudy red mallows that lined both sides
of the river, saying:
"Wouldn t those mallows and cat-tails
make a protty little picture?" f
"I was just thinking myself in draw
... . ii
one; will you allow me to come ana suow
it to you?" i
She acqueisced with unanected pieas-
m. 11 a . " ,
ure. men tying on a oroaa natuiinmeu
with bunches of marguerites, she started
down the path accompanied by Elgin,
who unmoored her boat, and watching
the graceful and strong young rower a
moment.returned to his unfinished work.
That very evening found hiai at the ga
ble-roofed cottage with his picture oi a
i - i
group oj mallows ana marsn grasses.
Anne's pdmiration was t unaffected and
sincere, as was alscr tiifitT) iier toother
white-haired.beautiful lady.very touch.
like Anne. During the four weeks ot
his stay.Pierce Elgin was a frequent vis
itor at Mrs. Horst s, and alter his return
to N , it seemed the most natural
thing in the world for him to write to
his eummer acquaintance. Thus Anne
gradually became a part of the young
man s existence, although not a word oi
love or marriage had been spoken, per
haps had not been thought of even.
On his third annual visit to Westwood
he was accompanied by his friend, Baiph
Holm, a wealthy lawyer some years older
than Elgin. Holm, who usually Spent
the summers in Europe, had been seized
with an idle curiosity to behold the place
that was so attractive to the rismgyoung
artist. Elgiu had often Bpoken of the
Horst ladies to Balph, in enthusiastic
terms, and sometimes even read extracts
from Anne's letters to him; but j he had
remarked cynically: j
"A tvpical Mary, worshiping at the
feet of art and learning. Beware of these
appreciative women, Elgin. They will
burn your pet runday roast, and contrive
to keep yonr house looking like the world
two days before the creation, disorder
in chaos. That is the secret of i all the
marital misery in the lives of celebrated
men. Their wives were either all Mary,
frowzy and slipshod, but with grand
. !. 1
yearnings, or they were an xuartna, wnu
no idea about the houshold. A: woman
combining the excellent qualities of the
biblical sisters is an impossibility."
"Perhaps Anne is the embodiment of
this impossibility," answered; Elgin,
laughiug, and when, after their first call
had been made at Mrs. Horst s, he asked
Holm: 1
"Well, what do you think of the typ
ical Miry?" Thaf, gentleman answered
en thusiastically.
"She is both'Mary and Martha. The
man who is so fortunate as to win her for
a wife need have no misgivings about
his happiness.'- . ..
Elgin' experienced another feeling be
sides gratification at his friend's words,
aud wondered why he never beforeremark
ed what a handsome fellow Holm was.
Throughout the summer days tie friends
vied in their attentions to Anne and her
mother, and they often asked each other
why such unpretentious yet cultivated
women were so rarely met with in soci
ety. Toward the end of August, when the
friends were already talking of their de
parture Holm to Europe and; Elgin to
his studies there was to bean excursion
to the neighboring islands, and Holm
said to Elgin:
"Let me take tho Horst ladies. You
have enjoyed their society for yeavs, and
it isn't likelv that I shall ever see them
again."
"All right, old fellow, if you will
promise to take good care of them," El
answered, with a quiet satisfaction at the
latter part of Holm's remark. When the
ladies were invited by the young man,
there was a hesitation on the part of
Anne that be did not fail to notice; but
Mrs. Horst accepted with thanks, saying:
' Our dull town affords noamusements
all the year round that Anne would en
joy. This will be an agreeable diver
sion." Holm had secretly chartered the pretty
staanier so that only a certain number of
passengers were allowed on boarh, thus
making the trip to the islands a very
agreeable one, with the exception of
Anne's rather preoccupied manner, which
suddenly left her when at the landing
thev met Elgin, who had started early
and alone to surprise them. The hours
at the island were spent in gayety, Holm
displaying a remarkable talent in all
sorts of entertainments. In the afternoon
Elgin said to Anne: j
"There is a beautiful view j to be had
of the adjacent islands from Rooky Point.
) If your mother is not too tired we will
row across, and be well paid for our
trouble."
"I believe I will not attempt it." said
Mrs Horst; "but Anne can go and 1 will
sit on the beach and watch you." Holra
iramediatelv ordered camp chairs and
umbrellas and they proceed to the beach,
where Elgin and Anne entered a skiff,
and with gay good-byes started for t ho
point. The water was swarming with
little steam tugs that were busily en
gaged in carrying people to points of in
terest, aad it required skillful rowing to
keep out of their path. Elgin and Anne
were scarcely ten rods from shore wnen
the watchers on the beach saw to their
horror that a tug was bearing directly
down on them. Elgiu saw the danger
oo late to avoid it, and, seizing his com
panion by tbe arm, shouted "Jump!" and
the, next moment they were floundering
in the water, while their skiff disap
peared under the black hull of the tug.
Help was instantly at hand, and soon
Anne was in the arms of her half -fain t
iug mother, laughing and reassuring
her. Holm had instantly, with gentle
forethought, sent word to the hotel for
dry cpthes and hot drinks, and soon the
party was comfortably seated in the par-,
lor of the Island House, Elgin and Anne
in the clothes of some obliging summer
guests. But a feel"ng of constraint had
settled on the pleasure-seekers which
Ralph's happiest joke3 could not dispel,
and each felt a secret relief when tbe
steamer's loud whistle called them on
board.
Late that night -Holm entered Pierce
Elgin's room and abruptly sanl:
"Elgin, do you love Anne Horst?"
A moment the two men eyed eaoh oth
er with fierce looks, then Elgin answered
coldly:
"I da not trunk. JT ow you an account
of mv feelings." '-
"Very well; from this answer I assume
that you do not love her. I do, and to
morrow I will offer her my hand and for
tune. A man must be a weak triflsr or a
fool who will hesitate to make such a girl
his wife if he has the chance. Good
night;" and without waiting for an an
swer he quickly left the room.
Elgin was alone. With white face and
set lips, he said aloud:
"The impudent fellow! How dare he
have the effreDtery? She is mine. I
know she is mine, even though I should
never ask her. She will not be yours,
Ralph Holm, nor any other man's, but
only my own. own Anne!" and a feeling
of exultation filled his breast. That day,
in their hour of danger, he had realized
what Anne was to him, and had deter
mined to make her his own as soon as
possible. Toward noon of the next day
he met Ralph coming up the hotel steps.
i t i . .
tie neid out nis nana witn a saa smue.
"Good-bye, Pieree; I am off fof- Eu
rope, ion Know what that that means.
When you and Anne are happy, think of
me sometimes." J
That evening Anne received her sec
ond offer, and when Elgin left Westwood
a week later, it was with the determina
tion that Anne, his wife, should never
regret having refused a millionaire; and
seeking a political appointment he soon
received a lucrative position in the cus
tom house at N. Friend 8 were surprised
and disappointed at the close of his ar
tistis career, but Elgin shut his thoughts
to everything except his wife and money
making. The great picture, which had
been hi dream for years, was turned on
its easel, and Pierce persuaded himselT
that he was doing his duty, Anne was
all he had expected the light of his
home, for whom he would have thought
a world well lost. But sometimes he
would detect a shadow on her face, and
the' harrassing thought would come. "Is
it Holm and his millions?" lie felt
ashamed of the unworthy thought, and
yet it would return to vex him; and to
night, as he neared bis home, from which
the cheerful light was streaming like a
beacon, he said, bitterly: "She will re
gret her folly now, certainly."
Anne was leaning on tbe gate, waiting
for his coming, and when she saw him
she hastened down the walk, and fondly
taking his arm, whispered:
"You are late on our anniversary."
"Yes, Anne, late, and perhaps unwel
come when I reveal the reason. I have
lost my position at the custom-house."
"Lost your position? Oh, Pierce I
am so glad 1"
"Why, Anne, are you mad? JJo you
Know what you are saving?
They were in their yard now, under
the shadow of some trees that lined the
walk. Anne stood still and her husband
could see her sweet, smiling face in the
faint light of the western moon.
' xes, .Fierce, J Know what 1 am say
ing. Jt has grieved me. oh! sorely, that
you gave up yonr art when you married
me. jlou were not happy yourself, and
I have wished for some accident that
woull make you return'to your first love
Now my wish has been fulfilled, and
you will finish that grand picture that
will make my husband famous through
out the land.
Elgin folded his wife to his breast with
a feeling that he had never been so hap
py in all his life. "My own Mary, you
shall not be disappointed.
Elgin finished his painting, and reaped
laurels and gold. To-day he is one of
the foremost artists in our country.
Three Trays to Beat.
Mrs. Giddleton. who knaws that her
husband never shakes dice for drinks
and that he is strickly sober, was awak
ened the other night by her Mr. Giddle
ton, who in his sleep exclaimed:
"Tnree trays to beat! Horse on mel
"What do you mean?" asked his wife,
shaking him.
" What does who mean?"
"You."
"What about?"
"Why, yon cried out 'Horse on me!"
"That's all right. I merely had a
nightmare."
Several years ago a few gray squirrels
were placed in Central Park, New York.
They have multiplied so rapidly that it
has been found necessary to thin them
out, and the attendants were instructed
on Saturday last to go gunning for them
to-day. One of the charges against them
is that they rob the birds nest. The
children are getting up a petition asking
tbe commissioners to spare a fev of the
"bunnies" at least, as they are as inter
esting as birds, and a great deal enter.
The Pigmy and the Giant.
During Mr. Stephens congressional
service, and pending the campaign of
1848, he returned from Washington to
Georgia. ' He was fresh from the great
debates on the acquisition of California
and New Mexico as United States terri
tories, and for having taken, against the
wishes of a majority of the southern
members, a most prominent part - in op
position to such acqmsion, he was met
by much adverse criticism. Jude Cone,
who' was at that time one of the leading
politicians of Georgia, was particularly
severe in his criticism upon Mr. Ste
phens' action, and was reported to have
publicly denounced him as a traitor to
the south.
Hardly had Mr. Stephens reached his
homo when these and similar reports
were conveyed to him. At first he did
not credit them, but as one kind friend
after another informed him that Cone
had called him a traitor and advised, in
the true southern spirit, that he owed it
to himself to demand what is called "sat
isfaction," the fires of pugnacity in his
nature, which are always smouldering,
hissed up, and lie declared that if Judge
Cone would admit having called him a
traitor to the south he would "slap his
face." Not long after this he met the
judge at a numerously attended Whig
gathering, and, going up to him, quietly
said:
"Judge Cone, I have been told that
you, for reasons of your own, have de
nounced me as a traitor to the south, and
I take this opportunity of asking you if
such reports are true."
"no, sir," was Cone s reply, "they are
not true."
"I am very clad to hear you say bo."
said Mr. Stephens, cordially; and in the
same friendly tone continued: "Of
course L do not desire to be in any way
offensive to you. Judge Cone, but in or
der that we may have no further misun-.
derstanding through the misrepresenta '
tions of others, I think it right to tell
you that I hav said I would slap your
face if you admitted having used the lan
guage attributed to you."
Upon this the judpre agaiu disowned
having spoken disrespectfully of Mr.
Stephens, and so for the time the affair
ended. ' It was the subject of discussion
all over the ssate, however, and the gen
eral verdict was that Judge Cone, a pow
erful man by the way, had shown the
white feather to"Little Aleck Stephens.
In such a community no public maa
resting under such a charge could hope
either for political preferment or popu
lar respect. Cone, of course, knew this,
and, very much heated and annoyed by
the comments which were beintr made
upon him, wrota to Mr. Stephens, de
manding an immediate aud public re
traction of the threat. In reply Mr.
Stephens wrote that the threat of slap
ping tlie judge's face had been niad? eon
tingent upon tbe truth of the report re
garding which he (.Mr. Cone) had pro
nounced to be untrue, and that, such be
ing the case, there could be no cause for
offense or angry feeling on eiiher side.
Unfortunately this letter was never re
ceived by Judge Cone. Three or four
days after it was written, however, he
met Mr. Stephens on the piazz of a ho
tel in Atlanta, and, disregarding that
gentleman's friendly greeting, said in a
verv otrense tone:
'Mr. Stephens, I demand that vou
make an immediate retraction of your
threats regarding me."
Sick and weak though he was. Alexan
der H. Stephens could allow no one to
speak to him in the fashion described.
Judge Cone was a very giant in size and
muscular development, yet the frail man
whom he addressed, with aergrravatinfr
politeness, and without hesitating a mo
ment, replied: "Pardon me, sir; I have
already written you on that subject. I
must decline to discuss it further."
"Am I to take this for your answer?"
asked Cone, excitedly.
It is . the only, answer I have to give
you, was the calm reply.
"Inen I deuounce you as a miserable
little traitor," cried Cone, mad with ex
citement. The last words had hardly
left his lips when a light cane, wielded
by the quick hand of the man he had in
sulted, left its red scar across his cheek.
Wild with pain and passion, without
uttering a word, he drew a keen pointed
dirk kuife and mado one furious thrust
at his weak little adversary's heart, . In
stantly as he did so, however, Stephens,
seizing a stout umbrella which he held
in his left hand, interposed it as a defense
and was able for a moment to hold him
at arm's length. The knife fell bhort of
its mark. Once more it was thrnst at
Stephens, cntting a deep gash in his arm,
but reaching no vital point; eighteen
times it cut deep into nis breast, arms
and body, but still he did not fail. Then
he could hold out no longer. No cour
age, no 6pirit, however firm and unyield
ing, could long withstand suoh an at
tack. Cone was determined to finish his
work. He threw all his great weight
against the umbrella which held him
away from the man ho intended to kill
It broke; Stephens, half fainting, fell
upon his back. The giant Cone was at
his throat in a moment;his head, by a
grit, of iron, was held against the cruel
floor; the keen and blood-dripping knife
was held aloft before him, ready for the
la9t fatal thrust, but still the poor, pale
face of the little hero was set and defiant
his black eyes still flashing undaunt
edly.
"Retract, or III cut your cursed
throat!" hissed Cone.
"Cutll'll never retract 1" gasped the al
most lifeless Stephens.
Like a flash the knife came down.
With an almost superhuman effort the
prostrate man caught it in his right hand
Clean through the muscles, . tendons and
bones of the hand it cut, then stuck fast
and reached no vital part. With desper
a-e strength Cone tried to wrench it free.
With a grasp almost of death the horn
bly mangled and mutilated hand held it
fast. In the struggle Stephens was once
more dragged to his feet. Tbe blood
was rushing in streams from his many
wounds. His hold upon the knife which
sought his heart began to relax. He was
dying. But even when he believed the
next moment would be his last, strong
i men came to his relief. The madman
Cone was secured and held fast.
Then quickly the wounds which Mr.
Stephens had received were examined.
I) was found that one of them had pene
trated to within a sixteenth of an inch of
his heart. An intercostal artery had
been cut. The doctors declared that he
would surely die. Happily their pre
dictions were not verified. His' life was
saved by the unremitting care of a sur
goon, his devoted friend, whoL as 'good
fortune wonld have it, happened to be in
Atlanta at the time. When he recovered,
with a magnanimity with which few men
are capable even of understanding,' he
refused to prosecute Cone, and that per
son, instead of getting his deserts in the
dark cell of a state prison J was fined
S1000, and with his "honor vindicated,"
was allowed to go free. To the day of
his death Mr. Stephens spokej of him in
terms of consideration and forciveuess.
Not long ago, referring to the terrible
struggle I have attempted to describe.
and showing me tho great hole in his
mangled hand, he said, with a quiet and
far away look in his deep, eyes: "Poor
Cone! I'm sure he would be sorry if he
knew what trouble I have to write ! with
these stiff fingers of mine." Cincinnati
Commercial Gazette.
CuAabash Saui.
Three months ago, when 200 of the
leading citizens of Gunnison Citv met
in convention on a street corner, there
were seven or eight Michigan men among
the crowd. When Col. Parker presented
the following resolution, it was a Mich
igan man who supported it: j
Resolved, That a committee of five.be
appointed to wait on Calabash Sam, Tate
of Dead wood, and inform him that after
sunrise to morrow morning Ibis crowd
will open fire on him with the intention
ot furnishing a corpse for our new grave
yard. The committee of five went out to find
Samuel and deliver their message. He
sat on a bench at the door of his shanty.
a suotgun across nis Knees and a pipe in
his mouth, and he preserved silence
while the chairman of the committee
read the resolution; then he asked
"That means me, don t it?"
"She does."
"lhey don t like my style of carving
and shooting, eh!
"That's what the kick on."
"Well, I won't go! Y'ou havn't got
nug men in the valley to drive Calabash
bam a rod! Return to the convention
and report that I am here for the season."
"I forgot to menshun," continued tbe
chairman in a careless voice, as he leaned
on his gun "I forgot to menhuu that
the convenshnn has adjourned. ; This
committee thus finds it;self in an embar
rassing feitnation, and it siups only one
way out of it. Onleaa you'lI agri'e to
pkiic up and travel, this comimittee will
feel called to to "
"To begin sboctiu'. vou mean?",
Exactly, Samuel, exactly
You may
two of the
have already observed that
committee have got tbe drop on vou
"I see."
' Corpses which are riddled
with buck-
shot have a very unpleasant look," con
tinued tbe chairman, as he
rested his
cum on the muzzle of his cun
"les, that a so."
"Aud it's kinder lonesome
this beiDg
j-grouml."
the coni
the first plant in a new buryin
i-e-s, it may bo
"And so, take it all around
mitteo kinder indulges in tho hore that
you'll see fit to carry your valuable so
ciety back to the BlaCiC Hills, xou may
have observed that three shotguns, each
under full cock, are now look
ng: straight
at ye. We don t want to bluff, but its
getfmg nigh supper time
'"Well, after looking tbe matter over.
I'm convinced that these dig
gings won't
pan ont lower grade ore, and
I guess 1 11
take a walk.
"Right off."
"Yes."
"Right up this trail?"
"Yes."
'Very well. While the committee is
sorry to see vou go, an 1 wishes all sorts
of luck, it hasn t tune to shake hands.
Step off, now, and for fear you ain't used
to walking, we 11 these guns pinted up
the hill until you have the half-mile
bowlder.
Press.
Trala march!" Detroit Free
Famous Clocks j
A work on tho great historical : clocks
of Europe 'mentions a curious contro
versy between the townsfolk of Beauvais,
France, and those of tbe famous German
towns with retard to tho respective mer
its of their celebrated clocks. The
townsmen of Beauvais claicuod that, be
sides recording the calendar days of the
week, month, year, zodical signs, eclipses,
phases of the inoQp, etc., their clock in
dicated events occurring not oftener
than once in 400 years; for example, in
three centuries out of four the last year
leaps its bissextile, and the Jelock leaps
from February 28th to the 1st of March.
a movement occurring once only in 400
years. A Strasburger, not tolbe outdone,
claimed that his town's clock not only
did all that the Beauvais clock could ac
complish, but in addition to them con
tained an ecclesiastical commutator, and
gave all its indications, golden numbers,
solar cycles, etc.. and wounil up by say
ing that "the lieauvais cIock rna.es a
change every four centuries, but asks an
astronomer what is meat by a procession
of the equinoxes. He will tell you that
it is a movement of the star, describing
a complete revolution round the earth in
the space of 25.000 to 26,000 years. In
our Strasburg clock there is this move
ment which receives only one revolution
in 2o,00U years. As thu whole I thing,
adds the apologist of the Strasburg clock,
can be measured and indicated-, it is
unnecessary to await its accomplish;
ment. Well, we are glad of that.
Characteristics of the Notliern Race of
Red Men.
A correspondent of the San Francisco
Bulletin found tbe natives of Alaska ex
ceedingly curious to Bee and to know
He thus describes their methods of in
vestigating and the rough way the whites
protected themselves. He
savs: "We
experienced Ho trouble from the natives
except in the early
part
the winter
they would come
and stiind about our
doors and windows and get!
in our way
generally, so that they
sance.
"When the frost gathere
became a nui-
on our win-
dows, they kept peep holes
open by lick
ing the frost with their tingues. This
we Anally got rid of by malting i a strong
decoction of Cayenne paper aud painting
the o'i Je -o! the glass, so that licking it
was not ail comfortable.
"A few of the respectable ones were
occasionally let into the house, If any
of these did not behave themselves, we
treated them with very little ceremony
so that they soon became afraid of us
and were verv civil.
"At first some of them had the habit
of opening the door and walking into the
house as if they were its owners, and af
ter a short time we got tired of this and
put a few of them out, and by that means
they have improved in their manners
considerably.
"There is very little fight in them and
they never stick together or stand up
for each other. If you cuff one, the rest
stand around and look on and laugh, and
say it is 'Nakoomak (good), and the fel
low getting chastised is 'Aseernk' (bad.)
lhey are not at all handsome, but
then they are quitOLwell for savages. Tbe
women when young are much better
looking than the men, but all are very
dirty and never dream of washing any
part of their body.
Ihe men wear a large pair of bone
buttons, like shirt studs, in their under
lips, ; and it gives them anything but a
pleasant appearance. The women tattoo
their chins, which they consider a great
mark of beauty, but I cannot say that I
agree with them on that point."
SELECTED MfhCELLAXY.
Barnum's elephant "Pilot" was killed
recently. It became intractable.
Mulenberg countv, Kentucky, with
taxable property amounting to about a
million and a half, is said to have a debt
of eight hundred thousand dollars.
A. Chinaman of Louisville has sued tbe
Courier-Journal and Commercial for
libel, they having published that he kept
an opium den and a house of ill-fame.
A man named Hanson was found dead I
on the road near Lost creek. Nev... re-1
cently. He had fallen off a lumber a
load of lumber while drunk and broken
his need.
Alfred Barton, the colored boy arrested
for turning the railroad switch at Swin
gle's landing, neer Woodland, has been
held tc answer. The superior court will
determine whether his offense shall be
considered a felony or a misdemeanor.
England has very severe tramp laws.
The New England stato laws of this
class, some of them, notably those of
New Hampshire, very oppressive statutes,
are, like many things in New England,
copied in substance from English statute
books.
Tho St. Gothard railway company is
running extra trains on account of the
growing trade between Lrermauy and
Italy, a fast not at all likely to give Eng
land mush joy, as this increased trallic is
in coal and iron, which for years has
gone to Italy from England.
In the Canadian commons recently
Homer moved a resolution in favor of
reciprocity with the Hawaiian Islands.
l ormerly a large trade was done between
British Columbia and the Sandwich Is
lands, but since the United States has
established reciprocity tiade relations
with the islands, British Columbia trade
has fallen off almost to nothing.
A gocd Christian mother in Middle
town explained to her little boy, as he
was retiring, the efficacy of prayer, and
told him that if he wonld ask God for
anything he particularly desired she had
no doubt bis request would be granted.
The little fellow knelt at his mother's
knee and prayed God to send him 50
little sisters and 100 little brothers. The
rajer was never finished.
A Montreal girl smelt of the perfume
satchel contained in a valentine sent to
her a few days ago, and instantly became
unconscious. Whether the effect was
produced by the peculiar nature of the
perfume violet powder by poison in
the paper, or by astonisbment felt at get
ting a valentine at suoh an unseasonable
time, is what two doctors, one priest and
all the members of the family are at a
loss to find out.
A number of cattle which a 12-year-old
Dakota boy was watching were destroyed
by a prairie hre six years ago. As the
lad could not be found, it was supposed
that he had likewise perished. One day
last week he surprised his old employer
by walking in and handing him a check
for the full value of tbe cattle. Ho said
he was afraid they might think the loss
was occasioned by his carelessness, and
went down into Colorado, got a iob of
herding and saved 'his money until ho
had enough to square the account.
juien uonway, wno xor many years
stood at the corner of IS road way and
Maiden Lane, New York, selling papers,
was found dead in ner dreary room on
Sunday morning. On searching her bed
ZM in money was found and two bank
books showing deposits amounting to
$b,.uu. sue nad no relatives as far as
known, neither any friends in whom she
confided any of her history. No matter
how cold or disagreeable the weather she
could be found at the corner, and always
did a good trade, mainly through sym-
patuy.
.Y.1 . - .
not iong Biuue aa agea and very pop
ular Irishman died at Eglington, near
Londondery. The usual services were
observed, the coffin taken to the country
and buried in the presence of a large
oonconrse oi people. On returning home
the relatives of the deceased were amazed
to find the old woman lying on the--bed
upon which she had died, nobody having
thought to put her in the coffin. The
body was subsequently taken in a cart to
the grave, the coffin was raised, the
corpse was placed in in it and it was
again lowered to its place.
A unique relio of the rebellion was re
cently sent to Mr. A. G. White, of Pitts
burg, formerly of tbe Thirtieth Penns
ylvania Volunteers, by his old messmate,
John Huffman: The night before the
battle of the Pines they stole out of camp
in search, of some to eat, and presently
returned with the carcass of a heifer
which they had found among the under
brush. Tbe orders against foraging
were so strict at that time that alter tbe
flesh had been distributed prudence re
quired that the bones sbould be taken
out of camp and buried. Huffman re
cently visited the battlefield, and, after a
search, succeeded in finding the heifer's
grave, from whirn he took the skull and
horns and sent them to his oomrade.
SHORT BIfS.;
A landmark A dirty face.
An enormous swell A balloon.
A goatee A man who owns goats.
Friday is an unlucky day for fish.
Household words "Shut the door."
Net on speaking terms Twin mutes.
A water-color exhibition A glaaa of
gin.
A pair of slippers Orange and banana'
skins.
A Winter's Tale" The story of a blix-
zard.
A close shave Two per cent per
month. .. , ' .
A derrick is a bivalve, because it is a
hoister.
When lovers quarrel tbe taffy trade
weaken.
Sleight of hand Refusing an offer of
marriage.
If "Urip" does not spell Europe, what
does it spell?
Good advice, like vaccination, doean t
always "take."
An anonymous article A baby before
it is christened. '
A woman nose so much because she
ears a good deal.
SDng of the postage stamp ''Gam,
oh, come with me." .
Nothing tells so much in the long run
as a female gossip.
Barbers make many friends, but scrape
more acquaintances.
A fatal blow-out Extinguishing the
gas with one's breath. :
New reading: Where the treasurer ia,
there the cash is also.
Tbe man who had a project on foct
went to a corn doctor. ; . -
Silence may be golden, but it will
never borrow a dollar.
Tho tower of Babel was the first con
tinued story on record. t.
The proprietors of ice houses make
v. . m
many a cooi thousand in me course oi a
year. .
The average editor can - sympathize
with England in her trouble with the
Boers.
A down east girl, who is engaged to a
umberman, says she has eaught a
feller.
"Ruler ruin," as the boy said when
he threw tne leacner s xeruie into tne
stove. . .
Where there is a storm in the nursery
the mother will castor oil on the water
in vain. ' "
Josh Billing says: "Next to a clear
conscience lor solid comiort comes an
old shoe."
A young lady at a ball called her beau'
an Indian becunse he was on her trail all
the time.
Shot falling into a tin pan "tumble to
the racket." and so do hailstones on a
slate roof.
Of what complaint did your father
die?" "The jary found him guilty, was
the answer.
A single swallow may not make one
spring, but a sniall mouse will 'make a
woman jump. 'i"
The rolling stone gathers no moss, but
it gathers the fellow who rides the bicy
cle every time.
Origin of a common phrase: It was "
the prostrate Persian subject who first
said "O, Shah I"
Private troubles are very much like
infants: The more you nurse them the
bigger they grow.
The uses of adversity may be sweet.
but we prefer a little of the bitterness of
prosperity in ours.
"Sport." We have no opinion as to
whether or not Slade can whip Sullivan.
He Maori may not.
Mixed society is like mixed pickles.
All become of the same .flavor if mixed
together long enough.
When Kansas papers ran short of lo
cal news tbe reporters write up an eighty
pound hailstone lie.
You can't get happiness out of wrong
doing any more than you waol by shear
ing a hydraulic ram.
People say that blackberries are good
for tbe complexion; but who wanta a
blackberry complexion? . :
Many people die of fatty degeneration
of the heart, but fatty degineration of
the head kills twice as many.
An ecouomioal woman, after tho deatii
of her tenant, used the remainder of her
soothing syrup to. poison rats.
A man always looks through his pocL
ets fonr times before handing his eoat to
his wife to haye a button sewed on, and
even then he is filled with a nameleut
fear until the job is completed.
A well-clad and respectable man re
cently created a great stir in London by
promenading the streets sandwiched be
tween two boards, which bore these pla
cards: "General Post-Ofilce. bis
charged for not saluting a clerk. Twenty-five
years Her Majesty's servant."
Tbe prince of science, having cast his
eye over tbe table to see that none of tb
instruments are missed or misplaced, If
about to amputate his patient's leg.- Tli e
pafient bursts out Into lamentation i.
"Come, oome! my good fellow," says the
surgeon, encouragingly, "don't take on
so; try and fix yonr mind on aomethinx
A Lady Barberirho Shares with a Stria;;.
- Signora Helen De George Ides, a f -male
barber from Smyrna, Asia, bus
located in New York, where she that us
ladies with a string. She takes one end
of a linen thread between her teeth i.:.d
with a peculiar see-saw motion af b:!h,
hands the thread is passed over the tt;r
face to be denuded, the hair being can 3 'it
in little loops in the thread and snatchfd
out by the roots. As only two or thi io
at most are caught at a time, the epfc ra
Hon is not painful. She says bruno. sn
have to be shaven once a month, and
blondes every three weeks. Un-.'a
beards are too ktiff to be treated ia t'
way. Her V'siness is growing bo raj-i:
that she ejects to have to send !i t
Asia for a$ jusistant.
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