The Columbian., August 11, 1882, Image 1

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TOL. III.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, AUGUST 11, 1882.
NO. 1.
.UMBIAK
MKS. J.'S FKOM TOWX.
Oh, Jone will now in freedom stray,
From sundown untoiiawn,
And with the boys a', poker play
Till his last dollar is gone
IVLrs. J. is out of town.
For three gMxl months iu faney free,
He'll so it with the ixj s.
No longer troubled with latch key.
Or with the dread of noise,
Mrs. J. i ont of town.
He'll wander home for night galore,
As lull as an tick,
And reckless!' in corners lour
IIi3 Oxford ties he'll kick,
Mr. J. is out of town.
He'll have his cocktail. seived iu bed.
In Ixxl he'll smoke also,
For time or title won't care a red.
B'it say, ''Old boy, you kiiow,"
Mr$. .J. la out of town.
And so the summer time will pass
And Jones will have his lliug;
But there is, sad to say, alas !
An end to everything;
Mrs. J. comes bacK. to town.
An Jones is once more meek and mild,
As husband? ought to be.
For in the summer only wild
Is this old boy you see.
When Mrs. J.'s from town.
And little knows his letter half
Of half her husband's sin,
Or how he gives her quite the laugh.
And flings about the tin.
When she is out of town.
Now, say grass widows by the sea
And near the mountain cleft,
Remember that if you are free
Your hubby don't get left,
When you are out of town.
The TTar IVes'deut's Wife.
Mary Lincoln was the daughter of
Hon. Robert Todd, of Lexington, Ky.,
and married the illustrious martyr Pres
ident November 1th, in Springfield,
111. She was one of four sisters, and was
a woman of unusual talents, accomplish
ments and ambition. When as Miss
Mary Todd she became known in the
capital city of Illinois, she attracted at
tention as one of the leading belles, and
also acquired not a little notoriety
At i , i i l t : a. i
inrougn ner satirical articiua wniieu ior
the local press. One of these articles,
holding up General James Shields to
ridicule, almost led to. a duel between
Shields and Lincoln.. The offensive pub
lication was maile under a fictitious sig
nature and.wlipn Shields demanded the
name of the author the editor gave that
of Lincoln, who was thereupon chal
lenged by Shields. The parties went to
Missouri to tight with broadswords, but
after considerable negotiation the sec
onds and friends succeeded in settling
the difficulty anil preventing the
hostile meetiDg. This incident oc
curred a few months before the
The death of the widow of the
lamented President opens to public at
tention tho history of young Lincoln's
singular and romantic love affairs. It
appears that his first strong attachment
was for a Miss Ann Rutledge, who was
one of the famous South Carolina Rut
ledge family. She had a lover named
McNeil, who, however, passed under the
name of McXamar. He deserted her,
leaving theState and never redeeming
his promise to return and marry her.
Under this disappointment she pined and
died of grief. It is uncertain what place
young Lincoln filled in her feelings, but
he was inconsolable upon her death. For
several weeks he was almost insane, and
was taken by his friends to a seciuded
retreat, where he could receive the kind
est care and attention and at the. same
tijie be screened from observation. A
Miss Mary Owens is mentioned as Lin
coln's next tiame, but neither she nor
any other woman appears ever to have
obtained such a mastery of his feelings
as did Miss Rutledge.
Miss Todd is described as a young wo
man of great personal attractions, witty,
brilliant, of high and imperious temper,
and cherishing much personal and fam
ily pride. One of her suitors was
Stephen A. Douglas; and being once
asked which of the two, Lincoln or
Douglas, she intended to have, it is said
she replied: ''The one who has the best
chance of becoming President." Accord
ing to another story, she said she
refused Douglas on account of "his bad
habits." It is said that her conquest of
Lincoln was a case of "love at first
sight," but if so, his feelings subse
quently underwent singular rlternations,
for before the long delayed marriage
took place we find him attached to Miss
Matilda Edwards, a sister of Hon.Ninian
W. Edwards, of Springfield, who had
married one of Miss Todd's sisters, and
with whom she resided in Springfield.
The match between Lincoln and Miss
Todd wa3 desired by the Edwards,while
one with Miss Edwards was opposed by
them. Lincoln, like an honorable man,
informed Miss Todd of his changed feel
ings, and was by her released from his
engagement. In this situation his mind
was prey to doubts and troubles, and we
again find him in such a condition that
lie wa3 removed by hi i friends. He was
sent to stay with kind friends in Ken
tucky, and at this period hi3 alienation
was so great, according to Ward
II. Lamou, author of the well-known
"Life of the President," that his self'
destruction was feared. Kniyes, razors,
etc., were removed from his reach, and
every precaution adopted to see he
wrought himself no harm. He con
tributed some verses to the Sangamon
Journal, entitled "Suicide," which were
afterward well remembered. A stay of
six months or so in the Kentucky retreat
restored Lincoln to his normal state of
mind, and he returned to his home.
Soon after.accordingto the Edwardses,
he began to have secret meetings at the
house of a friend with Miss Todd, and
the marriage finally occurred very ;sud
denly upon an announcement of oiily a
few hours. According to another ver
sion, and the one Mr. Lamon seems to
prefer, the match was entirely made by
the Edwardses, who dragged Lincoln
into it. One of his friends says he even
looked like a man going to an execution
rather than a wedding. But it is painful
and unnecessary to dwell upon these
stories. j
Mrs. Lincoln seems during the earlier
3ears of her irarried life to have excited
some of those feelings of hostility which
afterward attached to her as the wife of
a President, for when Lincoln became a
candidate for Congress soon after his
marriage, he was charged with being an
"aristocrat" and with having deserted
his old friends, the people, by marrying
a proud and ambitious woman. But
she was in many respects such a wife as
Lincoln needed to help him forward in
his career. She possessed the social tal
ents in which he was so conspicuously
deficient, aud no doubt contributed more
than is generally believed to his success.
A single instance of herj acuteness of
judgment may be mentioned. During
Lincoln's absence : from Springfield he
was made one of the candidates of his
party for member cf the Legislature. At
the same time he intended; to come be
fore the Legislature as a Candidate for
United States Senator. Knowing this,
Mrs. Lincoln had his name stricken
out of the published list of candidates in
the newspapers, but when ! Lincoln came
home he euffe.red himself to be per
suaded to have it reinserted, strongly
against his wife's judgment. His party
obtained a majority in the legislature,
and when the contest came to be made
for senator, Lincoln found his position
as a member so embarrassing that he
was forced to resign a tardy acknowl
edgment of his wife's superior foresight.
As already said, Mrs. Lincoln excited
some enmity while mispress of the White
House. It is probable, j however, that
this was due to the trying character f
the times. In a season of peace there is
reason to believe she would have shone
as a President's wife, and her social tal
ents would not then have : subjected her
to the reproach of too great gaiety or
frivolity. Some of her acts since
Lincoln's death have also excited un
friendly comment, but these can be left
to a charitable obliviou. It is only a few
months since Congress voted her an in
crease of the pension which was settled
upon her soon after her husband's death.
Southern Hospitality.
Turning off from the corduroy road, I
took a foot-path, and was soon as near the
cabin as a high rail fence would allow me
to approach on horseback. The most of
my readers in the older sections of the
country will suppose thut I had now
only to dismount, hitch my horse, climb
the fence, rap at the door, and so gain
admittance to my resting place for the
night. Far otherwise. Only the most
untraveled and inexperienced in the
brush would undertake so rash an exper
iment. Sitting upon my horse, I called
out in a loud voice, "Hello, there !"
That call was for the samo purpose that
the city pastor mounts the stone steps
and rings the ball at the door of his par
ishioners. It was rather more effective.
A large pack of hounds and various
other kinds of dogs responded with a
barking chorus; a group of black pick
anninnies rushed from the kitchen, fol
lowed to the door by their sable mothers,
with arms akimbo and hands fresh from
mixing the pone or corn dodger for the
family supper; all with distended eves
and mouth, staring at the strangr with
excited and pleased curiosity. At al
most the same instant the mistress of the
incipient plantation reached the door of
her cabin, stockingless i and shoeless,
with a dress of woolsey woven in her
own loom by her own hands, and cut and
made by her own skill, with face not less
pleased and excited than the others, and
her cordial greeting of : !
"How d'v, stranger how d'y, sir?
'Light, sir !'' (alight) "j'light, sir !"
Remaining upon my horse, I replied:
"I am a stranger in these parts,
madam. I have ridden about fifty miles
since morning, and am exceedingly tired.
Caul get to stay with you to-night,
madam V" I
"Oh, yes," she replied, "if you can
put up with our rough fare. We , never
turn anybody away." j
1 dismounted. The dogs, who would
otherwise have resisted my approach to
the door by a combined 'attack, obeyed
their instruction not to iharm me, aud
granted mo a safe entrance as a recog
nized friend. Such was1 the universal
training of the dogs, and S such the uni
form method of approaching and gaining
admittance to tho houses of people in
the brush. i
How Silver Always Drives Gold
Oct. The shipments of gold for Italian
account, which still continue in a small
way in spite of an adverse rate of ex
change, remind one of what happened
when we were preparing lo resume
specie payments, am1 ulso when the bal
ance of trade was greatly in our favor.
England at these times managed to force
France and Germany to send us the gold
we needed. Now she forces us to send
what Italy needs. Butj it is our own
fault that we have been put in this posi
tion. If we had not placed an embargo
upon silver by a law which retains it in
this country for coinage we should have
settled the balance easily by selling out
that metal and retaining the gold.
I Boston Advertiser.
If we could only get j along without
paying our debts, wnat; a nappy world
this would be. It is a great pleasure to
buy what you want and have it charged.
but it is a fearful thing to live, as Byron
says, j
Dreadl "g the climax of all human il!s.
The Inflammation of our weekly bills.
Modern Turkish Barbarities.
No one can read the "Arabian Nights
without being charmed with its romances.
They have ever had a great fascination,
especially for the young. There is a
mystery and spell of enchantment about
them. The mouth waters at the luxuri
ous description of fountains in cool
courts, soft music and purses of . gold
thrown recklessly about like seeds in a
Garden. And then are we not thrilled
bv the decided manner in which the
Padishah signals for heads to be cut off,
or the Ferashes called in to do their
little business of bastinado, to sav noth
ing of the numberless sacks with their
victims floating about in the bine waters
of the Eosphorus. We, living on the
banks of the Thames, in the center of
civilization, within the sound of Big Ben
of Westminister, are little inclined to
credit the stories of the fatal effects of a
cup of coffee, the bastinado, slavery and
physical torture. These things are.how-
erer all in fall swing.
The ordinary tourist in the East knows
next to nothing of its customs. It is
only the resident of many years who can
speak with confidence of something more
than the mere surface of Oriental life.
'The truth is that much goes on within
the walls of a harem or palace which is
terribly secret and mysterious. Yes,
mystery ard secrecy. These two words
are the pivots upon which everything is
worked ; and the capital, Constantinople,
to its shame, knows as much as any other
city in the East about such matters.
Barring decapitation, most of the enor
mities are now committed just as they
were a hundred years ago. When Sul
tan Abdul Medjid, brother of - Abdul
Aziz, came to the throne, the amiable
monster (who, by the way, drank six
bottles of champagne daily, the last bot
tle being drugged) had his five brothers
bow-strung before his eyes.
It was dangerous to have so many male
heirs to the succession ; they might be
come inconvenient members of the dy
nasty, and so it was better to crush at
once all chances of a conspiracy against
the throne. Only quite lately the suc
cession law was repealed, which re
quired the destruction of every male
child of the Sultan s sisters and
daughters. What a sad and touching
story was that of the "two little tombs
with two little red fezzes described by
Thackeray in visiting the mausoleum;
these were the tombs ot Abdul Medjid s
nephews, the children of his sister, who
were slain with the bowstring. Sultan
Mahmoud strangled one, but having
spmpathy for the agony of the poor
mother, his daughter, the royal heart
relented. He then promised that in the
event of her having another male child,
it should be allowed to live. Mahmoud
died, and Abdul Medjid succeeded. His
sister bore another son, and depending
on her royal brother's affection for her,
hoped that this infant would be spared.
What happened.' He tore the infant
son from its mother's bos-oin and killed
it. The poor mother's heart broke, and
on her death bed she sent for her heart
less brother and cursed him as a per
juror and assassin. She now lies by the
"two little fezzes. ibis story brings
us to the Suleimanie mausoleum. There
you can see the tombs of the seventeen
brothers whom Sultan Mahomet III
strangled in a fit of jealousy; but this
little event certainly took place some
time asro and in barbarous times. Ah,
barbarous times, indeed! The Oriental
code of punishment is a trifle more civ
ilized than of yore. They do not now
thrust people into ovens filled with
spikes and knives", and heat them grad
nail, nor do they hang their mothers up
by the heels to made them confess where
the money is concealed. London So
ciety.
Incident of the Revolution.
There is a little incident connected
with the history of the revolution, which
occurred in the jJUar 1778, at Valley
Forge, to which there has not been as
much publicity given as it justly merits.
We mall familiar with the terrible suf
feriugsendured by our army at Valley
Forge during that severe winter, Qne of
the coldest experienced for many years.
It was through the most intense suffer
ing this winter was passed by that band
of patriots who risked all that we might
be free. Brave heroes of liberty! The
recollection of their deeds will echo
through every hill and valley over our
land until time shall end in eternity.
Their sufferings were great, and endured
with patience. Yet there was no pros
pect of things growing better, but con
stantly worse. There was no hope for
to-morrow, and each to-morrow waa
ushered in with greater distress. The
hopes of the bravest began to falter, the
feet of the strongest to erow weaker.
Overcome with sickness and fatigue, the
bravest saw that their only refuge was in
death, and many in despair cried out,
Save us, Lord or we perish.
Over rock and hillside, down through
hill, valley and ravine the feeble sound
was echoed. On a day when the sun
shone brightly and the clear blue back
ground was more beautiful than usual,
there appeared upon the horizon a
bright speck like a cloud, which ap
peared to have come to dim the beauty
of that clear winter sky. The sick
dragged themselves to watch, while the
keener observers noticed that the cloud
moved, not away from that suffering
band, but nearer, and shaped itself into
a small caravan as onward it came on!
on ! and over the snowy, frosty road.
Presently they heard the creaking sound
of wheels, when, lo ! to their eager gaze
appeared ten wagons filled with food and
clothing, each drawn by two oxen and
driven by women. On they came, slowly
over the frosty road, patiently plodding
to save their loved ones, the soldiers of
Valley Forge. The women of Philadel
phia had, out of their own incomes, filled (
these, wagons with supplies, among
wkich were bundles of their own handi
work. These consisted of two thousand
shirts, cut out and made by their own
delicate fingers. Other things were in
proportion, all done by those noble, pa
tient women to save their liberators.
The poor soldiers had .nearly lost all
hope; death appeared inevitable, when,
lo I could it be possible, relief was com
ing to them so far away on those bleak
bills? Yes; those ten wagons were driven
by noble, ' self -sacrficing women who
came to save them from starvation.
i Tbe sick dragged themselves to the
daort? of their miserable huts to look oat
through the cold, frosty air at their 'dcP
liverers. Tears rolled down their
checks, and the sick and suffering all
joined in one loud shout of joy, exclaim
ing, "God bless our deliverers, the
women of Philadelphia!". Over hills
and down through the valleys the sound
went ringing. On through time, on un
til eternity will the sound of praises echo
in memory of that noble band who saved
the army at Valley Forge. Those women
who asked no reward nor solicited praise.
It was on an errand of mercy, for their
hearts were tender and their love was
strong. We still have ""reason to cry
out, "God bless the women of Philadel
phia!" and all over the land, for their
good works, the noble enterprises in
which they are constantly engaged. There
are many noble workers who are willing
to-day to make personal sacrifices for the
good of ' humanity. The same blood
courses through their veins, actuated by
the same spirit that inspired that noble
band who saved from starvation the
heroes of the revolution, the army of
Valley Forge. Time will record their
good act. It will be written upon the
pages of eternity. Long after the traces
on the hills of Valley Forge .shall be
blotted out, and not'a trace of the foun
dations of fort or tent left,will it be fresh
and green in the halls of memory. That
generation which has passed away has
left its record sacred in the hearts of alL,
The bodies have long since moldered to
dust, but their spirits have ascended, and
they have been crowned in glory by Him
Who has recorded their good deeds and
pronounced their work well done.
Summer Excorlons.
In getting up a picnic of your own,
young folks, you must have a settled
plan of action, lou must know who
are to compose the party, where you in
tend to go, and what you can do to
amuse yourselves when you get there.
Then, too, , you must have what in
armies is called a commissary de
partment, which shall see about the
provisions. A picnic without a dinner
would be very dull. If the spot you
choose is not within walking distance,
it is well to know whether it can be
easily reached by boat or cars, or by
stage or carriage, xou should find out
beforehand precisely how much it will
cost to convey the party to the spot.
Then select a treasurer, who shall pay
all expenses, buy tickets, and take
charge of the funds. The treasurer
must keep an exact account of every
thing he or she may speni, putting it
down in writing, that a report may be
given at the proper time. In providing
1 . 1 4 " 1 t 1.
uncneon it is an excellent iuea ior eauu
one to bring some particular article,
so that there may be enough of every-
hing. Hard-boiled eggs, potted meats,
bin slices of ham or tongue,cold chicken
and plenty of I good bread and sweet
milk, are among the must-haves. Pic
nic appetites are famous, and you need
plenty of the "substantials." Jelly in
little glasses, fruit cake, and pie, gener
ally please the little people. Do not
forget salt. Nor the pepper. Bottles of
milk wrapped in cabbage leaves are not
to be overlooked. The girls must re
member that so far as possible, all pic
nic preparations should be made the day
before. It is not well to leave cooking
for the morning of the day you have to
go. The boys, too, should have their
fishing-tackle in readiness over night.
If swings are to be put up, a man should
be engaged to see about them, or at
least the oldest and most trustworthy
boys of the party shoul see that the
ropes are firm, and the tree branches
stout. Nothing is more terrible in its
consequences than a fall from a swing.
A Cathedra' Sinking.
The celebrated cathedral of St. Isaac,
at St. Petersburg, which was finished in
1859 at a cost of 25,000 ,000,is giving in
dications of sinking into the ground. As
is veil" known, the Russian capital . is
constructed on a marsh, and the site of
the cathedral was selected in one of the
softest portions of it. Upon the founda
tions, at the outset, $1,000,000 was spent
in driving piles; but at no period has the
building maintained a rigid attitude,and
at present it manifests a disposition
to topple over at one corner alto
gether. A short time ago an exam
ination revealed that on one side of
the structure the columns had parted
from the architrave and left a space of
three inches between, which the applica
tion of tests has shown to be regularly
increasing. In consequence of thi3 dis
covery, the advice of engineers was
taken" as to lightening the roof, and
workmen were engaged to remove the
heavy corner bronzes, but as the work
proceeded fresh fissures displayed them
selves, and tho engineers grew so
alarmed that they gave up the under
taking altogether as a bad job. Since
then nothing has been done except hold
consultation after consultation, with no
result except the expenditure of a great
deal of talk, and the rejection of a num
ber of fancy projects of improvement,
more or less impossible to carry out.
When a man refuses to excuse him
self for a mean act he has taken a long
stride toward becoming a Christian.
Love Marred by Breeches.
"I had rather an amusing love affair
myself in Texas, which I should like to
tell you, if you do not feel bored with
my long anecdote," said the New York
man, throwing away his cigar. "I was
staying at a ranche on the Rio Grande,
and fell in love or thought I had fallen
in love, with a beautiful little damsel
who resided with her father at a hacien
da twenty miles away. I was the pos
sessor of a new pair of buckskin breeches
winch l had purchased in New Orleans,
but had hitherto never worn. One
morning I pufc them on. They fitted
peneeieuiy, ana l aa x uelighted " with
the appearance of my nether limbs, that
I determined to pay a visit to Donna
Isabella. When half way on my ride, it
began to rain in torrents and my
breeches began to stretch, and the
stretching continued until they hung
half a dozen inches below my boot heels.
I arrived in the. 0 , young lady's
presence in rather a worse looking con
dition than that of the drowned rat.
However, she received me kindly and
conducted me to the kitchen, where a
roaring fire was blazing. I sat talking to
her while my 'clothes were drying, and
was too much occupied to think about
my new breeches, when my love making
was cut short by the announcement of
supper. 1 1 gave my arm to the donna
and entered the next room. We were
greeted with shouts of laughter from a
large company of men and. women who
were seated at tho table. I glanced
downward and my eyes fell on the cause
of their mirth. My breeches had shrunk
with the heat until they had- rolled
above my knees, leaving a wide space of
bare flesh between them and my socks.
A love for the aesthetic did not flourish in
those days, at least not in Mexico, and I
was glad to hide my legs under the table,
and for the rest of the evening I wrap
ped a mantilla round my limbs, I was
too uncomfortable to resume my love
making to Isabella, besides, she laughed
whenever she looked at me. I slept
there that night in a room on the ground
floor overlooking a wide meadow.
Thinking the fresh a;r would restore my
breeches to their normal condition, I
took them off and spread them on
the grass, and then jumped back
through the window and went to
bed. In the morning I arose early
and looked for the cherished garments
A dreadful sight met my gaze. Two
cows were contentedly breakfasting off
them, and only a portion of the seat and
the band with the buttons remained. I
did not know what to do, and lay in bed
waiting for the appearance of one of the
inhabitants of the house. Presently Isa
bel's father went past my window. T
hailed him and told himTmy plight. He
laughed and said he would fetch me a
pair of his trousers. Now I am tall and
spare; my Mexican host was short and
enormously fat; the trousers he produced
me were patched in every direction with
e'.oth of divers colors. Imagine my ap
pearance when I put them on. The rest
of the house had been told of my misfor
tune, so that when I left the . room I
found all the men and girls in the place,
including Isabella, awaiting my debut.
I shall never forget the wild yells of
laughter which greeted me, and it struck
me that Isabella laughed louder than the
rest. I made a rush for the stable,
hastily saddled my horse, and without a
word of farewell rode off as hard as I
could. I never went to see Isabella
again. Nothing kills love so badly as
ridicule."
1 lie 31 alley ttousttrs. i
The most ghastly of all bacchanalian
revels was that of the Malley boys and
their congratulators over their ; escape
from the law for the murder of Jennie
Cramer. The orgie of a pack of Ashan
tee savages, drinking out of the skulls of
their freshly slaughtered enemies, and
the American Indian dance around the
stake while torturing their captive with
burning brands, have less of cold
blooded, hard hearted cruelty.
In the lightest view that their own
friends can take, these young men were
the cause of Jennie Cramer's death. Did
no ghost of the bewtifnl girl, done to
death by their villainy, rise up in their
drinking festivities? "Though young in
years, they showed ttst they were hard
ened in crime. The cheers in the court
room at their escape showed that New
Haven, in the very seat of civilization in
the new world, baa many more of the
same sort.
It was confessed that they deliberately
plotted to ruin the girl, and brought up
from New York a prostitute to aid in
the plot, and consummated it in the
Malley residence, where, the family be
ing absent, they made her practically
helpless. The circumstances make it
impossible to believe that they do not
know how she came to her death. ' The
Malley who debauched her swore falsely
at the coroner's inquest. All the cir
cumstances point to them as knowing of
her death, and as guilty of murdering
her. '
But even if not directly guilty of mur
der how could they have the heart to
hold a festive celebration over their es
cape, in-view of the cruel tragedy of her
death, and of their responsibility for her
destruction? The fact that they did this
is proof that they were hardened enough
in crime to do the murder. Although
they have escaped the gallows which
they so richly deserve, the detestation
of society should follow them all their
lives.
There was a throng in the court room
to cheer the law's failure, and a pack of
congratulators to join in a drinking cele
bration, shows that in the midst of a
high civilization is a cla3s whose civil
ized, deliberate and hardened cruelty
makes the savage methods of the aborgi
nal savage noble by comparison.
Cincinnati Gazette.
SHORT BITS.
Trust and you will not be trusted.
Time wasted is existence, used is life.
He that grasps at too much holds noth
ing fast. . -
An honest man is the noblest pursuit
of women.
He that lendeth to a tramp civeth to a
saloonist.
One is never more amiable than when
one is loved.
Impatience dries the blood sooner than
age or sorrow.
Innocence-and myeteriouaneiw never
dwell long together.
The man who is always right finds
every one else always wrong.
Be graceful if you can, but if you can't
be graceful, be true.
To boast about one's relations is to
publish one's inferiority.
Hypocrisy becomes a necessity for
those who live scandalously.
An indiscreet man is like an unsealed
letter every one can read it.
Experience is the name men Rive to
their follies or their sorrows.
It isn't the girl who is loaded with
powder that goes off the easiest.
The cheapest advice is that which costs
nothing and is worth nothing.
Who is lavish with promises is apt to
be penurious in promises.
There are no oaths that make so many
perjurers as the vows of love.
If a dog has money he is called "Your
lordship the dog." Kroumir.
A Christian should show his religion
over a counter as well as at the altar.
The health of the fine old journalist.
Thurlow Weed, has been quite poor this
year. He is 85 years old.
The conversation of most scholars
with each other is nothing more than a
mutual, private, polite examination.
Perhaps the reason why the voice of
trnth is bo rarely heard is because,
living in a well, she is apt to have a
cold.
The fewer friends one has, tho
better. In good times they make use
of yon; in bad, you can't make use of
them.
There are men in all stations who are
able to make a fortune, but it takes
a gentleman to squander one becom
ingly. "What is the national fishery ques
tion?" pompously exclaimed an 'orator;
and a squeaking voice in the audience
esponded: "It is have you got a bite?"
A St. Louis boy drank milk withou
taking the chew of tobacco out of his
mouth. The milk washed the tobacco
down his throat, and he died of nicotine
poisoning.
When you have found a man who
thinks it is his duty to tell yon of your
faults, you have also found a man who
never thinks it his duty to tell you of
your virtues.
Many years ago four doctors of Erie,
Penn., agreed that Captain John H.
Walsh could not live twenty-four hours.
Since then he has attended the funerals
of three of the mediocs.
Mrs. Harriet BeecherStowe felt a little
embarrassed at the recent reception. in
honor of the 70th anniversary of her
birth, since it was the first birthday she
over celebrated.
The meanest man on "record sent
through a postoflfice presided over by a
woman a postal card on which was writ
ten: "Dear Jack: Here's the details of that
scandal." And the rest was written in
Greek.
Joseph Greno and his wife, of Swan
ton, New Hampshire, are aged 101 and
90 years respectively. They have cele
brated their diamond wedding, have
twelve children, and hare had eighty
four grandchildren.
It has been asked by some theological
student whether the poor negro, when
engaged in the arduous task of white
washing, is consciously obeying the
golden rule, and doing unto others what
he would like to have them do unto him.
"Don't you think Jerseys are just too
lovely for any use?" she sweetly in
quired, referring td the garment so pop
ular now. . And he answered dreamily,
as ho clasped her soft hand in his: "Yes;
their milk makes the best smear case I
ever e't in my life. You're liable to get
the yellow jaundice ef you eat too much
f it, though."
A littl girl was promised by her grand
mother her gold watch when she- would
die. The child appreciated the delicacy
of the situation; but after some hints her
grandmother was prevailed upon to show
her the watch. "I wonder," said the
little one to her mother, as they were
leaving the grandmother's house, "if I
shall get the watch in time to wear it at
the funeral."
A news item says that the best female
circus rider in Russia is Dornedretisky,
who "turns a double somersault through
a hoop, and carries her name, which is
painted in the center, along with her."
To turn a double somersault through a
hoop may not be a very remarkable feat,
but to get her name through, without
knocking off some of its corners, is cer
tainly an astonishing performance.
f Norristown Herald.
Zigzag lightning is a veritable spark
between two clouds, or more often be
tween a cloud and the earth. This grand
spark is able to divide or bifurcate into
two, seldom three branches, hence the
name of "chain" and "forked" light
ning. It proceeds from clouds in which
the globules are packed so close as ap
proximately to form compact masses,
and the electricitity on their surface is
brought most into play.