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About Oregon Republican. (Dallas, Or.) 1870-1872 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 16, 1871)
DALLAS, OREGON, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 1871.
Site 0 r e 3 a u Hep u Ml ran
la Issued Every Saturday Horning, at
Dallas, Folk County, Oregon.
BY R. II. TYSON.
OFFICE Mill etreet, opposite tbo Court
SINGLE COPIES One Year, $2 00. Six
Months, $1 25 .Throe Months, $1 00
For Clubs of ton or more $2 per annum.
Subscription must be paid strictly in advance
Oneaquare (lOlines orlesa), flrstinsert'n, $3 00
Each subsequent insertion.. 1 00
A liberal deduction will bo made to quar
terly and yearly adrertiscrs.
Professional cards will bo inserted at $12 00
Transient advertisements must bo paid for
in advance to insure publication. All other
advertising bills must be paid quarterly.
Legal tenders taken at their current value.
Blanks and Job Work of every description
furnished at low rates on short notice.
A Splendid Chance.
l(T Wo will send the Dallas RErrBiiCAV and
DejOrest's Monthly-, which is itself $3 for one
year, to any person who pay3 us $1
Demorest's Moxthlv stands unrivalled as a
Family Magazine. Its choice Literature, its
- superior Music, its large amount of valuable
information on miscellaneous subjects, its
jiractical and reliable information in regard to
the fashions, and artistic illustrations, give it a
'just claim to its well-earned title, "The Model
Magazine of America.
The Art ol ;ig!iii
From the AUine for Fepteiubcr.
Giggling girls constitute a large
number of the ecx termed, with more
gallantry than justice, in those days of
woman's rights," fair. They are con
spicuous, oddly enough, more by the
absence of any monstrous vice than by
the presence of any infinitesimal virtue.
.Such specimens you meet with every
where ; they cannot be limited peace
ably or forcibly ; and are distingul.slu d
by a class peculiarity they giggle.
The phrase is, vre confess, somewhat
untranslatable, for it is an etymological
nudity, and absolutely meaningless
The art of giggling is more readily ex
plained, for it is picturesque in its
abruptness, scientific in development,
fasciuattDg in delivery, and graceful at
Gigsrlinpr, according to Webster, is a
" kind of laush with short catches of
the voice and breath." The bareness
of the definition is only equaled by its
unintelligibility. The better plan to
understand the word and its action is
to personally encounter a giggler, and
fehe will elaborately display, in all its
elegance of outline and simplicity of
detail, the beauty and quality of the
giggle. The omnipresence of the gig
gler saves a deal of trouble , so without
(delay you plunge in rnedias res. You
wish her good day. She smiles. In
quire after her health. Another smile.
Hope her parents are well. The emilc
lengthens. Emboldened at your favor
able reception, although iu doubt as to
what has caused the repeated smiles,
you cough a little, and, with an air of
the deepest interest, ask her opinion
of the latest drama at Wallack'g. She
timirks in reply. Doe3 she admire
" Hamlet?" A faint titter is the re
sponse. Perhaps now you venture the
perfectly truthful remark that it looks
like rain, and that if it rains it will be
wet. At once you have evolved out of
the depths of her inner consciousness a
.genuine giggle. Watch its appearance
in its three stages of development, a la
vComte, birth, maturity, decay and
spectroscope the result with your pen
for the benefit of science.
The giggle commences at the mouth,
with certain twitches in the neighbour
hood of that organ. The lips part,
itho teeth mute whitenesses of the
dentist's skill are exposed to view.
The teeth unclasp, and, snake like, the
tongue appears coiled up in the back
ground. Next, the head is slightly
Arched, and the eyes slowly close. At
the eyes, then, the gigglo matures.
The eyes close in earnest, tho nostrils
dilate, and for a time giggles play about
the ravishing nose, like lightning about
a mountain peak. The fascinating face
becomes corrugated twinkles, and shows
as many lines of beauty in the Ho
garthian vein as an india rubber head
stretched to an angle of 45 degrees. At
this stage, the giggler is supposed, by
herself, to be bewitching; and so, to
heighten the effect and tho general en
.chantmcnt, thero then is a reduplicated
fluttering of the wand like fan, a de
pression of the head, and an inclination
pf tho form. The third period of devel
opment is now ushered in. The giggles
begin to grov? beautifully less, a fierce
conflict arises between the centrifugal
and the centripetal forces, the con
volutions become more and more re
fined, the giggles shorten, eyes open,
teeth shut, mouth closes and tho
giggle is over.
You breathe more freely now, and, if
a man of spirit, alarmed at the fright
ful convulsions which invest the giggler
with the air of martyrdom, run hastily
for lostoratives, rouso the house, sum
mon the doctor. Reassured by her
composure, you will revoke all your
previous orders, and tenderly inquire as
to the frequency of the attaeks, their
duration and possibility of cure. These
graceful attentions on your part will
speed. ly bring on a relapse ; the per
formance recommences, and tho giggle
goes through the same stasis of devel
opment as before, only with greater !
vehemence and freedom ot action, lor
practice makes perfect. You become
seriously alarmed, your teeth chatter,
your whole nervous system is unstrung,
you beg pardon and graciously attempt
to depart. Again the giggle rises, and
ends, finally, in hysterical sobbing, in
which you can distinguish such des
pairing assertions as " I'll die I I'll die !
I'll die a-laughiug if you don't stop."
You really have said nothing more than
a few commonplace remarks, and that
these should have produced such a
cachinnatory eflect is altogether a mys
tery. So you humbly take your leave,
sorely perplexed at tho enigmatical
character of women
gigglers in particular
iu geueral and
1 he details df the giggle can be
amplified at pleasure. Indeed, the
performance itself varies with certain
condition, notably the silliness of the
giggler and the value of your own time.
The timid giggler will giggle perhap
for five minutes every hour; the pro
fession.-il one will z'vz'A'i certainly ix
hours a day. Such details, liuWi vt r,
are of a nature over vrhich your real
istic writer mL'ht pardonably gloat, bu!
aro too harrowing to bo here depicted.
Otherwise the effect might b' as serims
as Pope describes in his "JLapu of the
Then flaohel the living ligntntn;; fr m her
And screams ?.f horror rend th'afTrihfed .-ki:s.
Not louder shouts to pitying Heaven are ea.-t,
When husbands or when lap-ds breathe
Still there are certain accessories to
the giggle which are pertinent to the
subject, and harmless to delicate nerves.
The handkerchief is generally found
useful, and when spread over the face
gives a captivating expression thereto,
since it is perfectly invisible. The
hands are perfectly relaxed, to denote
womanly impotence. The arms arc
wildly tocl about, to express feminine
reserve. The eyes roil fearfully in their
sockets, to .show maidenly coyness.
The hair is dishevelled, to exr ress ex
treme delicacy. The talk is incoherent,
to signify logical force. And, as a last
resort, your professional gi:rgler, the
radical, the adept in her art, will throw
herself, with tli3 wildest abandon, in
a chair, or bury her face iu the luxuri
ous depths of a sufa.
The symptoms and diagnosis of gig
gling are uow tolerably well under
stood. Its causes arc yet draped in
psychological, physiological, and philo
logical mystery. Possibly, in genera
tions to come, some iJeaumont, or Har
vey, or Draper, will explore its hidden
depths, and bring up to the surface the
vou oi.r!iiuiu KilKj DVIUUtU UIIU
relief to the afflicted. In those days,
the intimate relation of matter and
spirit will be darkly hinted at. Wise
acres will sagely shako their heads,
whisper " electricity," and suicrgcst tho
" movement" cure. Some will pro
pound the theory of spontaneous gener
ation. Others will breathe the mairic,
word, "evolution." More sensibly, a
few will point to cerebral disturbances,
aberration, stupidity, silliness, which
employs the waste products of respira-
iiou in giggles instead ot words, unc
doughty physiologist will, in those days,;
publish his " Genesis of Giggling," and
obstinately hold to the view that such
" monkey shines" incontrovertibly con
firm Darwin's theory of development.
A New Telegraph. Pole. A new
telegraph pole has been invented which
combines the two valuable properties of
being both useful and ornamental. It
is mado of iron constructed in hollow
tubes, mado in sections, so that in being
shipped one section can be slipped
within another. In a pole fifteen feet
in length, tho lower section is three
inches in diameter, the second two and
fi half, and the third one and a quarter
inches This iron pole has insulated
arms, which insures a perfect current
of electricity, and is fast superceding
tho old fashioned wooden ones.
That man is a mauiac, a deliberate
suicide, who drinks tea, coffee or ardent
spirits of any kind to induce him to
perform a work in hand, and when ho
feels too weak to go through it without
such aid., This is the reason that the
majority of great orators and public
favorites die drunkards. The pulpit,
the bench, the bar, tho forum, have
contributed their legions of victims to
drunken habits. The beautiful women,
the sweetest singer, the conversational
ist, the periodical writers, have filled
but too often a drunkard's grave. Now
that the press hai become such great
power in the land, when the magazine
mu-t come out on a certain day, and
the daily newspapers at a fixed hour,
nothing waits, everything mtit give
way to the inexorable call for eopy, and j
sick or wen, ai.-poseu or iiiUispo.-eJ,
a 'deep or awake, the copy must come;
the writer must compose his. article,
whether ho feels like it or not, and if
he is not in the vein of writing, he
must whip himself up to it by the
stimulus of drink. Some of the great
est writers of the country ha?e con
fessed to the practice, on urgent occa
sions, of taking a sip of brandy at the
end of every written page, or even
oftencr. Lord JJyron, ut tho end of
every paragraph sometimes.
It may have escaped the general
reader's notice, that more men hive
died young, who have been connected
with the New York press, within ten
years, and that, too, from intemperance,
than in all the other educational call
ings put together; young men whoc
talents have been of the first order,
and gave promise of a life of usefulness,
honor and eminence. Tho best possi
ble thinL'for a man to do, when he feels
too tired to perform atri-k, or too we ik
to carry it ihrough, is lo go to bed n
fit's p a week if bo can ; tbi is the only j
true rceui -raU':i i br i?j j nver ; tliej
f n!y aetn d renewal d brain force;!
because 'during shier the braiu ia m a i
sense ot rest, m a rendition to receive
and appr-j rute particle of mitrhner.t
from the Uoo 1, which take the place of
those which have been consumed iu
previous labor, since tbe very ret of
thinking consume, burn up polid
particles, as every turn of the wheel
or screw of the splendid steamer is the
result of consumption by lire of the fuel
in the furnace. That supply of con
sumed brain suhtance can only be had
from the nutriment particles in the
blood which were obtained from the
food eaten previously, and the brain is
so constituted that it can te.t receive
and appropriate to itself those nutrient
articles during the stitc of rest, quiet,
and of stillness, sleep. Mere stimulants
supply nothing in themselves they
only goad the brain, force it to greater
consumption of its substance winch has
been so fully exhausted that there is
not power enough left to receive a sup
ply, just as men are so near death by
thirst or starvation, that thero is not
power enough left to swallow anything,
and all is over. The incapacity of the
braiu for receiving recuperative parti
cles sometimes comes on with the rapid
ity of a stroke of bghtning, and tho
man becomes wak in an instant; in an
instant falls into convulsions, in an in
stant loses all sense, and is an idiot. It
was under circumstances of this very
sort, in tho middle of a sentence of
great oratorical power, one of the most
eminent minds of tho age forgot his
ideas, pressed his hand against his fore
head, and after a moment's filence,
said, " God, as with a eponge, has
blotted out my mind." Do assured,
reader, there to " rest for the weary,"
only in early and abundant fdeyp ; and
wise and happy are they who have firm
ness enough to resolve that " By God's
fielp I will seek it in no other way
Mr. Greely thus expresses himself
upon the question of tho next Presi
" When a Republican National Con
vention, fairly chosen, after free consul
tationandtho frank interchange of opin
ions, shall have nominated Republican
candidates for President and Vice Pres
ident, wc expect to urge all Republicans
to give them a hearty effective support,
whether thoybe orbc not of those whoso
orignal preference- has been gratified."
Until that time Mr. Greely will main
tain the perfect and equal right of every
Republican to indicate and justify his
pcrference, whether it favors tho ins
cumbent or some other Republican.
And ho must regard that as a mistaken,
suicidal policy, which would deny to
anyone tho right so to do, foreclosing
discussion on tho unjustified assumption
mat a uuuico nas already boon virtunliv
av-k f-M t" '
Subscribe for tho Republican.
A Yankee Attorney on Capita Punishment
The following oration was delivered
somewhere iu Wisconsin, by one of the
profession, who would seem to have
quite an aversion to capital punish
" May it please your lordship and
gentlemfii of the jury, the case is as
clear as ice, and sharp to the point as
'no' from your sweetheart. The Scrip
ture saith 'Thou shall not kill;' now, if
you. hang my client, you transgress the
command as slick as grea-e, and as
plump as a goose egg in a loafer's face.
Gentlemen, murder is murder, whether
committed by twelve jurymen, or by a
humble individual like my client. Gen
tlemen, I 1j not deny the f'.ict of my
client having killed a man, but is that
any reason why you sbuuld do $ i
So such thing, gentleman Vou may
bring the prisoner iu 'guilty;' th hang
man m.iy do his duty, but that will not
eximi'r.'.te you' No sueh thin'. In
this eae you W ill all be mur b rers.
Who among you are pn pared for the
brand of Cain to be stumped upon his
brow to-day i who freemen who iu
thi land of liberty and light '! Gen
tlemen, i will pledge my word, not one
of you has a buwie knife or pistol in
bis poeket. No, gcntb iro-n, your pock
ets ar-;all odoriferous with the perfumcts
of cigar cases .and tobacco. You can
tobacco of rectitude iu the
pipe of a peaceful concience ; but
hang my unfortunate client, and the
scaly alligator of remorse will gallop
through the iutiTa.il principle of ani
mal vtrtebin, until the spinal verUbiie
of yout anatomical -tutisiruction is turn
ed into a railroad for the grim and gory
goblin of despair. Gentlemen beware
of c'mmiuh'g murder ! beware, I say,
of meddling wills thocU-rnai prerogative!
-beware, I ay, Kemimber the fate of
the man who attempted to steady
the ark, and tremble. Gentlemen, I ab-
jnrc you by the manumitted gho.-t of j
temporial sanctity to d no mur 'r! I ,
abjure yt'U by tbe name of woman, th;
main-prit'g of the tickitig time piece of
time's theoretical tr:ir,migratioii, to do
nomurdir! I ahjure you by the love
you have for the ecu!eut and-condi-meutalgu.-to
i?f your native pumpkin, to
do no murder!--! abjure you by the stars
iu the flying cn.- gn of your tmmeipa
ted country, to do no murder! I ab
jure you by the American eaglo that
whipped t le universal game cock of
creation, and no sots routing on tbo
magnetic tch-graph of time's illustrious
transmigration, to do no murder ! And
la-stly, gcntlemi n, if you ever expect
to wear long-tailed coats if you ever
expect to wear boots nude of the free
hide of the Rocky Mountain buffalo
nnd, to sum up nil, if you ever expect
to be anything but u sot of sneaking,
lo,fing, rascally, cut-throated, branded
small end of humanity, whittled down
to indiscrimiualitv acquit jnv client
and savo your country I" The prisoner
The Amsterdam 8hp Canal, which
was commenced in IS('(5, it is stated, is
one of tho greatest engineering woiks
ever undertaken. It runs through two
shallow hikes, 'and embankments are
built on each side of the lino of the
canal, and the bed is then dredged
out to the required depth. The lakes
are cut off from the North Sea by sand
hills, through which tho canal will
have to be excavated. Piers formed of
large blocks of concrete are to bo built
out for the distance of a mile to deep
water, and will enclose a harbor with
a surface area of 500 acres, and a depth
of 51 feet below low water. The width
of the canal will be 8t feet at the
bottom, and 195 feet at the top, with a
denth of 22 feet. The locks will ad
mit ships of the largest size. The com
mercial prosperity of Amsterdam will
be greatly promoted on tho completion
of this grand ship canal.
Laundry Polish for Linen Add
to starch mado in tho usual way a
small lump of white sugar, or a bit of
white wax of spermaceti, or a few thin
shavings of white soap and a teaspoon
ful of salt. Alter tho clothes are rinsed
in tho blue water, starch them, and dry
on the clothes line; thcu wringing them
from cold water, roll up tightly, and
let them lie awhilo. Iron smoothly in
the usual way. Then place the bosom
or piece to bo polished, on a board
with a single fold of muslin over it,
pass a damp cloth over the linen and
polish with nn iron mado for that pur
pose, such as may bo bought at tho
hardware or kitchen furnishing stores.
A man inDanbury, Connecticut, re
contly offered two cents a pound for
oats, and now quietness reigns o' nighta
in that locality.
PUOFJ'JSSIOXAL CARDS, ilC.
POUT AMI - - - - OH12GON.
General tJews Agent
Por Oregon .and Adjacent Terrrltorlcf.
Alio SPLYIAL COLLKCTOIt of all kinds
AGHN'T for tho Dallas Republican.
.JO 12 .3. l) S, V,
ftotary Public, &c,
J. C. GRUDOS, M. D.,
PHYSICIAN AN I) SUll;i;ON
O.T-.T? Lis Scrvi'-c to t!io Citizens of Dallas
077f'; at NICHOLS' Urug St'.re. .
1Y.-JI. ,Ii:i-I'HH. 31. I).,
!hyic:nti arid Mti&'gcon.
F-ri;il attcnti in given to Obstetrics anil
!i..-H of Women. ltf
Attorney and Counsellor-at-Lavv,
Will practi in all tbe Court . f Itconl and
Iufi ri r Court of this State.
OFFICII In Watkin.ls A Co' trick, up
stair. , 1
2. C. SI JJJVAX,
Attorney k Counsellor-At-Liw,
Will practice n all t!;e Cairt of the Ftite. 1
I. L. l iis, LlS'S,
Attorney and Counsellor-at-Law.
?orc;il .I'fcMi rt piven to
in.itt'-r.-1 pc rt.ti.1. it .r f: Kfl I
RU3SLL, FERRY & WOODWARD,
Ileal I.Jac AtfcufN
and RealEstaie Auctioneers,
o. ioo. i i;ost stki:t,
WAGON AND CARR
Main street, Ialla.
Secr.1 J.or rvrth of t!i3 Drug Store.
8 The nn lenojno'l wUhos t inf irm Hip 1'uMic
that he is rrj:i r-l To !o any kin-1 f wrk in
hi line on th fhortt-st nti':'f, nrl in the lx't
Ffylc. Thankful t hi? !! fiifti.mcrs aru
fn ml f-r f- r uier --atrair ho respectfully
fi!ii'iti a continuance of tho sumo.
.H'-tf .S. T. U A Kit I? ON.
Committee on Clailroads
1f.ve iliilt Urit !) .oon as tho Orcn
Central lltiir-ivl Wi?t Si. In) is com j ApU-I inli
i'l.ik d.itrtfy, they will i-"U rth rs to nil rmi
tr."i t.r. h:i1 wiiiknun rn the line ti iufCiui.o
Groceries and Fro vision4.
Clothing. Hoofs and Shncs,
Lttdit-s' Dres Goods, i
Or anvlhinfj they niiy happen in want of
M. l'ilis. nt l.rtclr.lo, fnnhcrly known as ClnfTa
Store. Moanivhihs )11 firtner.K, or anyone el.--o,
will fiml it to their interest to cnll ail m:ike
tlteir cV lions. All are aware that I am I -in
p'joils rhtip-r than anybody til Idk Co.
I hnv hinrr Prmluee than any tua stores in the
County. So hring alonp fyour Hutter if it is
soft, and if it is joLir, all the hetif r.
Yours truly, M. M. ELLTS.
mil, door m
teMPl BUND FACTORY,
"iiiliif nHi r
MAIN STItlSI-Vr, DALLAS.
1 have constantly on hand and for Salo
noons of all sizes.
WINDOW AND DOOR FRAMES,
All of tho Rest Material and Manufacture.
ll-tf JAMES M. CAMrCULL.
IS-:W lAIiT NIIOI
'LiiiiKiiimi him ij
GRAINING & GLAZING,
PAPER HANGING, &C,
Dono in tho most Workmanliko manner by
IX. P. SIIR1VEK.
Shop apstairi over Hobart A Co'b IIrncs8
DALLAS, POLK CO., OUIilGOV.
PROFESSIONAL CARDS, &C.
COH Milt 31 A IN AND COURT STS.
XSalla3, Polk Couatjt Oregon.
Tho UKjc-rrigno'l, buying UK-FITTED tho
al.ove HOTKr.,"" now informs tho I'ublie that
bo ii prepared t -AeootnittOjlate ull who may
f.tvor hiiu with a c:l, in as good stji as caii
bo found in nny H'-tel in the Country. Oiv
tno aoall, and you .luH not Umvo disappointed.
12-tf Y. F. KBSXKDY, Proprietor.
KICII.HIhO.V & CO.
Inform tho PuVas that they are now roaly ti
di all kinds of work in tbeir line.
CAIUUAUKS, WAfiO.NS, Ac. L'uilt or Re
paired with X-a'iic-as arid Jjbpatcb
WAdONS constantly en hand for Sale.
15LACKSMII d no by aa exporioDcod
Oho door goulh tf Livery tah!o Dallas, Ogn.
Slain st. (opposite the Cour Ilouge), Dallas,
MAN'l'FACTtrilKU AXD DEALER IN
Harness, S.td lj.-s, Uri-lieif, AVhipp, Col!an,
Cht ek 1nes, etc., t t-'.f of all kinds, hich ho is
prepare 1 to Fell at the lowest livia rates.
R K l'A Hi I N' j dxue on short notice.
7.1 K V i: It Y . W BBill
V'o wnt Smart and Er.errrctic Ajrwits t
intr luce ur popular and ji:st'y celehrnted
invention, in every Yillij, To,ai and City in
tht Wot Id.
Iwltspertsalfe to every Ifjusehohly
They are highly approved fT cmdorserd ni
doj"''t:d !V Z.v iiVm, '... and DiriVfn
at. I are now a UliLAT FAYOitlTti with
i:vcry Family w IS' Turcliaee One
or more of thero. F-nn-tM. that tbeir uierlt
are appnrt ut at a (ILAJCCK,.
BRUOOISTS, &ILL1Nr:r3, DrvLssAiiEiis
iir.d all i.ho keep FANCY ST'MU. will tind
our exceilet t articles SL'f, I. YTJl Y RAPID
L Y, gives perfect Pattsf.trtioD and netting
to nil Dealers and Apenfs.
coir xt v -ui cuts' PKKn
t all who desert enrajinjr in an IhmarnUe,
!! iptctaht? and Prujl.d le lhincf at the fame
time doinjr. pood to their ccirpanions in life.
Sample $2 P0. sent free hv mail on rceript of
price. .KM FOR WHOLESALE CIRCU
VICTORIA BIANUFACTURING COHPY
H, 1AK lLACI3, New York.
m mm mm .
J. 11. KINCAID has opened a
New Photographic Gallery
In Bulla.', where he wi'l bo pleased to wait on
Customers in his lino of Buincs3 at all hours
of the day.
Ciiiitlrcu's ;'5icf tires
Tiikcn without grumhlinp;, at tho Fame price aa
Adults. i?ati.fiietum guaranteed. Prico to
suit the times.
Room? at Laf.illetfs Old Stand, Main Street,
Dallas, Polk County, Oregon, April 27th, 1S7I
C. S. S I 2, V 52 K,
No. 130, First Street,
PORTLAND, - - - - OREGON,
Wholesale and Retail Dealer In
DRY GOODS, (LOTIlliYG,
L API MS DIIKSS GOODS,
BOOTS AND SIIOi:s. IIATS.& CAPS,
Highest Cash Price paid for all kinds of
Kaff Carpet Weaviiis.
A LL TERSONS HAVING MATERIAL
l. fr "S Carpets, and Vrishinjr them
Woven, can he aeccmniodatod by calling on
the underpinned. Orders left at tho Store of
R. Ihwo Eros, trill he promptly attended to.
KV3m WM.-SACLSnKlUlY. ,.
A Varloty of CHAIRS for Parlor and
Kltcnen use. ;
KAW-IUDE DOTTOT CHAIHS
Of my own nuke. i .
81iop near Wayitiirc's Mill
I INVITE TIIE PUBLIC TO EXAMINE
my otock. I shall be pleased to show you
my goods, and better .ploasod when you buy.'
NEW WORK put up to Order. nd RE
PAIRING dono at tho lowest each prloo..
4-tf WVI. O. WILLS, Dmu