Bandon recorder., June 16, 1910, Image 3

History of tha Kiss
THE GRANGE
{June Smart Set)
Usad Two Centuries Ago.
IN “JOE MILLER'S / JEST COOK”
A Selection of Specimen Jokes From
the Venerable Volume That Mark
Twain Was Moved to Call the Alpha
and Omega of Dejected Humor.
Tbe “Joe Miller Jeat Book*—!t Is
famous. Murk Twain meutlons it as
tbe alpha and omega of dejected hu­
mor. it is uurivuled, Incomparable,
apart. Further, it is English—very
English.
I'oaslhly tbe latter phenomenon is re
sponsible for the difficulty a searcher
hud In finding an uurevised copy. Aft­
er an afternoon of search a second­
hand but scarcely worn copy finally
was discovered In a little bookstore,
he bookseller eyed the buyer curious­
ly, but with some awe, und seemed
very glad to get rid of it for 25 cents.
Twenty-live cents! llow instantly
reminiscent of one of the Joe Miller
jokes—beg pardon, Jests;
THE LIGHT SUBJECT.
The government, having threatened to
proceed rigorously against those wiio re­
fused to pay assessed taxes, offered to
them a remission of one-fourth. "This at
least," said one sufferer, "may be called
giving them some quarter."
You cun get that off in your very
next after dinner speech. You can put
a little accent on one-fourth and quar­
ter and get quite as loud a laugh.
Second specimen (it must be remem­
bered thut the jest book was compiled
in the early part of tbe eighteenth
century, when there were literarians;
therefore the Jests that aren’t blamed
on lords are mostly charged to writ­
ers!:
A DIFFERENCE.
Jerrold one day met a 8cotch gentleman
whose name was Leitch, who explained
that he was not the popular cartoonist
John Eeech. "I’m aware of that," said
Jerrold. "You're the Scotchman with lite
i-t-c-h in your name."
There! Just think of the triumph with
whleh Mr. Jerrold later related that quip
to his friends.
Specimen:
THE CONNOISSEUR.
A person to whom the curiosities, build­
ings, etc., In Oxford were shown one very
hot day was asked by his companion If
he would see the remainder of the univer­
sity. ”M.v dear Blr," replied the connois­
seur, "1 uni stone blind already."
Whether the friend expired lu
spasms of mirth or subsequently wns
hanged for mayhem the jest book
doesn't say.
The wit of the Irish is called lu too.
Specimen:
A SPRIG OF SH1ELALAH.
A fellow on the quay, thinking to quiz
a poor Irishman, asked him. "How do the
potatoes eat now, Pat?" The Irish lad,
who happened to have a ■blllalah In Ills
hand, answered cleverly: "Oh, they eat
very well, my jewel! Would you like to
taste the stulk?" And, knocking the in­
quirer down, he coolly walked off.
1'robubly it was a good thing he
knocked hhu down first.
Turning to the middle of the tiook—
there tire 400 pages—Joe breaks into
verse:
ON THE LATIN GERUNDS.
When Dido mourned, Aeneas would not
come.
She wept In silence and was Dl-Do-Dumb.
Classic?
Here’s—
A BAD END
It was told of Jekyll that one of his
friends, a brewer, hail been drowned In
tils own vat. "Ah," he exclaimed, "float­
ing In his own watery blert"
Right off the but that.
There’s little Johnny also. He drops
in duriug jest:
The further away «.■ journey from
I hie- «lays 1.1 Eve, the more • atu
ousiy the world unit., to h.m c .it*- '
valed the habit ol kis-eng; in other!
words kis-ittg i-> a murk .uni a list '
civilization. B< ! >ie the coming of
the white man it app.ircntiy w;;S
totally unknown among the Indians
ol America and the savages o! Africa
and Australia; but tt ho shall trace its
beginning among the peoples oi
Europe and Asia? As far as we
may go among these ancient white
nations we shall find no age when
ibis highly unhygienic practice was
not popular. Indeed, Darwin at
tempts to trace it back to the habit
our bet ailed ancestors hail ol grasp­
ing prey with their teeth!
This business of osculating became
so wpular among the Greeks that ii
is said many husbands, before starl­
ing out f< r the day’s work, com­
pelled their wives to eat garlic— a
most effective preventive, we cannot
doubt. The Romans attempted to
be more cold blooded and dignified
They were at least more systematic,
for they divided all kisses into three
kinds: tbe osculnin, the kiss of
friendship; the basium, the kiss of
ceremony; and thesuavium, the kiss
of love. All of which simply implies
that the Romans had three chances
to our one. The ancients, however,
were not in favor of a public display
of the business; spooning was decid
edly had form. Plutarch says that
Cato expelled the Senator M mlius
for kissing bis wife in the davtime
and in the presence of bis daughter.
I bis same Plutarch is our author­
ity for the statement that Rome
founded the now antiquated custom
of wives saluting their husbands with
a kiss. The women, after sailing
many seas ar.d reaching this place,
refused to follow their husbands
further, and under the leadership of
Roir.a—a “new woman”—burned
the ship. .Then says the historian,
Roma invented this pleasant method
of appeasing the wrath of the hus­
bands; and the remedy has been
used with considerable efficacy until
comparatively recent years.
Notice for Publication-Isolated Tract
Public Land Sale.
Department of the Interior
05478
U. S. Land Office at Roseburg, Oregon
May 28. 1910
NOTICE is hereby given that, as directed by
the Commissioner of the General Land Office,
under provisions of Act of Congress approved
June 27, 1906 ( 34 Stats., 517), we will offer at
pulaic sale, to the highert bidder, al 10 o’clock
A. M., on the 12th day of July, 1910, at this
office, the following described land: Lots I, 2.
.Sec I I and Lot I, Sec. 14. T. 29 S . R. 15
\V„ W. M.
Any persons claiming adversely the above-de­
scribed land are advised to file their claims, or
objections, on or before the time designated for
•ale.
22-5t
Benjamin F. Jones, Register
THE BEASON-INGS.
"Come here, Johnny, and tell me what
the four Beacons are.”
Young Prodigy—Pepper, salt, mustard I
and vinegar.
F. J HAYS OP IOMETER 1ST
will heat Dr. Perkin’s office on tbe
Here's a little shot at politics and :
the peer system:
.'2nd an I 23rd of each month.
EPIGRAM
(On Aiderman Woods being afraid to : Eyes tested free and glasses fitted.
pledge himself to even too principles lie
Don’t forget the date.
i6tf
has always professed.)
Bure In the house lie'll do but little good
Who lets "1 dure not" wait upon "1, ,
Wood" (1 would).
Oh, listen!
nality:
Talk about your origi­
A SHORT JOURNEY.
"Zounds, fellow!" exclaimed a choleric
old gentleman to a very phlegmatic, mut­
ter of tact person. "1 shall go out of my
wits!"
"Well, you won't have far to go.” said
the phlegmatic man.
Yes, and here’s a small ebullition
from a dramatist:
OED FRIENDS.
Coleman, the dramatist, was asked if
be knew Theodore Hook. "Yes,” replied
the wit
"Hook and eye are old associ­
ates."
Administrator’s Notice
Notice is hereby given that the undersigned has
lieen appointed
gon, and all
persons
Aud speaking of repartee:
A SHUFFLING ANSWER.
Two Oxonians dining together, one of I
them noticed a grease spot on the neck- !
doth of his companion and said, "1 see
you are a Grecian."
"Pooh!" said the other. "That Is far- I
fetched."
"No, Indeed." said the wit; "I made It
on the spot."
Hight back at him, you observe.
Of course there are some better ones,
but there are also some that are worse, i
Taken us a whole, they don't add any
fnurelH to tbe English reputation for
bi mor nor detract any from the opln-
i< n of Mark Twain.—Kansas City
1 imes.
Emperor* and cobblers nre alike, and
the same reusou that makes us wran­
gle with a neighbor causes a war be­
twixt prince.).—Montaigne.
the estate o
of
by
an
County Court of Coos County,
order of the
5 tale
of Ore­
having claims against the
aid estate aie required
to
present
six months from the date of this
them within
notice with the
proper vouchers to the undersivned
administrator
at the office of
in
G. T.
Treadgold
Bandon,
Coos County, Oregon.
Dated this 19th day of May. 1910.
Hook was not present at the time.
The courts also come through with
a few gems:
NEW RELATIONSHIP
A stranger to law courts, heaping a
judge call a sergeant "brother." expressed ,
his surprise. "Oh," said one of the by- j
slanders, "they are brothers—brothers in
law."
administrator
Emma N. J: nes, deceased,
G. T. Treadgold
Administrator of said Estate
------ OOO--------
Bring your
.Job Work
To IHE RECORDER
BANDON PLANING MILL
All Kinds of MiP Work,
Mouldings, Sash, Doers nnd
Furniture.
Mission Work a Specialty
Gr ally Reduced Rates on
Small Mouldings
Shields
And
Armstrong
Proprietors
ConJvct.d b»
J. W. DARROW. Chathaaa, N. Y.
Brea» Comtpondrnt New York State
Grange
DN1 GRANGE FARMER
The Opera
HAS A -SELECT STOCK OF
Wines. Liquors & Cigars
Mienne iteci' «»11 Ikriiiiglil
COURTEOUS
Science and Practice In Farming.
Methods Described.
TREATMENT
T
»I
Vienna Bakery And Cafe
Fine Quality Bread, Cakes, Pies and Pastry.
First Class Restaurant
Private Boxes for Piivate Parties.
Everything Neat anti Clean
The best of service guaranteed
Short orders at all hours from 5:30 a m to 1:00 p. m.
GROSS BROS.
M. Smith
-
Prop.
I
An Interview With Mr. George T. Pow­
ell Concerning Newer Methode of
Farming Employed at His Orchard
Farm at Ghent, N. Y.
Ry J. W. DARROW.
OREGON
BANDON
ROOMS and
LODGING
A striking illustration of the value
of scientific knowledge and its appli­
cation is to I m * found at Orchard fartu,
a tract of close to 300 acres, owned
by George T. Powell, a member of Newly furnished large light rooms
Chatham (N. Y.) grange, whleh Iles
Telephone
Electric Ligios
in th<‘ foothills of the Berkshire« and
Rollini
by
situilo
night, week or
In tbe valley of the Hudson. In a
mouth
recent visit to this farm the following
facts were obtained in a general in­
INQUIRE AT OFFICE OF
terview in connection with extended
observations of tin* scientific methods The BANDON STEAM LAUNDRY
that are inaugurated and adopted:
“What, In your opinion, is the greatest
preBent need In farming?" Mr. Powell
was asked.
"More knowledge of the business and its
right application. There is altogether too
limited knowledge of the soil on the part
of those who are dependent for support
from it In some of the older parts of the
world after more than 2.000 years of cul­
ture and production the soil Is increasing
in Its yield of crops, whilo in our country
In less than 100 years it is run out or falls
to support tl»>se who have been living off
of it, when many leave their farms and
go to the village or city to Und employ­
ment. It is these farms that can now bo
bought at prices varying from $l"o to $25
an acre that look so attractive to the city
man with a family who finds the present
high cost of living, with no prosjiecltve
advance in salary, oppressive and dis­
couraging"
"What have been the steps taken In the
improvement of the soil of Orchard farm?"
“More that. twenty years ago we began
to plant the present orchards of apple
trees and have since continued until we
now have 100 acres covered with about
10,000 trees. We soon discovered that ttie
trees were not making satisfactory growth
and that there was too much fruit of In­
ferior quality. A systematic study of tbe
soil was made, and It was believed to be
poor in Its physical condition, was defi­
cient In vegetable matter humus, and
steps were taken to change this condi­
tion. We began by giving the soil more
tillage and by sowing crimson clover,
which variety was selected because after
cultivating the soil up to July 1 crimson
clover, being an annual plant, would
tnako a much more rapid growtti the bal­
ance of the season than the common red
clover. The first year the effort to get
the clover to grow wub a failure, but the
next year the seed was sown again, nnd
the growth, while better, was far from
satisfactory. About tills time a chemist
in Germany was working upon methods
for producing artificial bacteria to Intro­
duce into the soil for the greater nourish­
ment of clover and other leguminous
plants that are capable of taking the
free nitrogen of the atmosphere nnd by
the aid of the soil bacteria build up
nodules freely upon their roots, which In
their decomposition enrich the soil with
the most important but most costly plant
food element to purchase. The United
States department took up the investiga­
tion and sent out the manufactured bac­
teria In cultures Jhat could be diluted
with which the seed Is moistened and the
roll thereby inoculated with the name to
aid In getting a stronger and more rapid
growth of clover. Tills principle has been
extensively used, und as the result Witt)
much more thorough tillage, an important
essential, the Boll has become so tlior.
oughly tilled with these essential bacteria
that everywhere the
most luxuriant
growth of clover Is now obtained. This
is plowed In annually, and tho soil has
been steadily regaining its lost humus
and is now producing the most luxurious
growth of trees that can be desired nnd
fruit that equals in size that of the Irri­
gated sections of tho west. We consider
that In twelve years of clover culture and
tillage the soil has beon Improved 100 per
cent.
"What fertilizer do you use nnd in what
quantities?"
“According to the ages of the trees, wo
are applying from five pounds to forty-
five ixiunds of nitrate of soda. Thomas'
phosphate powder (basic slag) and sul­
phate of potash per treo In rows extend­
ing across an entire field, with a check
row unfertilized for study nnd compari­
son. All other conditions—the clover, till­
age, Hprnying nnd pruning—arc the same.”
“Can tho eastern farmers succi ssfully
compete with the west In the raising of
farm crops, live stock and fruit?"
“Yes, If they will grow alfalfa and raise
their own grain and keep well bred cat­
tle. sheep and hogs. It will pay to raise
horses for eastern farmers at their pres­
ent high value for good horses. At Or­
chard farm we are growing alfalfa with
great success.
Wo clean the land first
of weeds, lime and fertilize the soil, In­
oculate the reed nnd get pure seed, al) of
which costs thought and effort to do. but
it pays. The west lias made great strides
In apple culture and has steadily taken
possession of the fancy apple trade in our
eastern markets. At Orchard farm we
have for years been propagating trees for
special selection of scions and buds from
typical trees of known quality for pro­
duction.
We are just coming into re­
sults which are most promising. We are
producing Jonathan apples as large and
fine, with equally beautiful color, as those
from Oregon and other varieties equnllv
large as those of the Irrigated states of
the west. With thorough tillage and clo
ver culturo for cover crops to be plowed
In we can grow beautiful fruit that no
drought will seriously Injure. There are
thousands of acres In New York and New
Englnnd that can be bought for IJ> to $H)
an acre that will produce as line looking
and better a 1 pies than are grown on the
land in the west costing $3u0 an acre for
unimproved and $2.000 to $3.000 for bearing
orchards."
"Have you carried on any experiments
with n view to improving color of ap­
ples?"
"We nre experimenting with basic slag,
believing that wc can bring out higher
color in apples from Its use. Practically
all eastern soli will be benefited by np
plication of lime basic slag containing
about 40 per cent of lime In Its best form
This, with the phosphoric acid It supplies.
Is giving very high color to the applps In
the experlnwntal tests. We have already
sold some of those apples In boxes for
higher prices than any Oregon applos
have brought thus far tills season, thus
proving that wo can brjth grow an at­
tractive appl*s and sell them for as high
or higher prices than the west.
Hood
river apples In Oregon have sol 1 for $2
and $?.5t> a box f. o. b., while we have
made some sales for $3 f. o. b. for the
same varletlea
boxes."
and
In
the
same
size
THE COQUILLE RIVER LIN E
Strs. bifield & Bandon
Twin Screw, New and Fast
1st Class Passage,
Up Freight,
$7.50
3.001
Our interests are your interests. Fair rates and
good service our motto
A. F. Estabrook Co., 245 Cal. St., San Francisco
L. L. BRANDENBURG, Agent, Bandon, Oregon
KENNEDY
SHIELDS
Itl.ACIiMTilTIIM
WAGDA'TI AHI Its
ANI>
Horseshoeing a Specialty
Wagons of All Kinds Made to Order
Job Work attended to promptly and all work guaranteed to give utilfaction.
reasonable. Shop on Atwater Street, Bandon, Oregon.
Price,
Clarence Y. Laiue
bandon
—
O regon
bruggist uud Apothecary
fa,list in receipt of a new stock of
Drugs and Chemicals. Pater. and
Proprietary Prepuratioua. Toilet
tides L'tngg
Sundries, Perfume»
Brmmes, Sponger, Soap, Nuts and
Uandiwa, <'igara, Tobaccos mid Cig­
arettes, 1’niulH, Oils,
GI uhs and
Painter's Sapplies.
3OOTS - AND - SHOES
You can't expect to get $2 worth
for $1, but you can gel your
money’s worth at
S S. ELIZABETH
NEW STATE-ROOMS INSTALLED
Eight Day Service Between the Coquille River and
San Francisco
First-class Passenger Fare.
-
$7.50
Freight Rates,
-
$3 on Up Freight
J. E. WALSTROM, Agent, Bandon, Oregon.
E. & E.
M.
T. Kruse, owners and managers, 24 California St., San Francisco.
BREUER’S
Dealer in Boots and Shoes.
Repairing neatly and promp­
tly done at lowest liv­
ing prices
Great
Combination
Offer
•THE RECORDER management has
made arrangements with the
San Francisco Bulletin whereby we
can give subscribers the advantage of
a gigantic combination offer that will
furnish them all the news of the
country in a metropolitan daily and
all the news of Bandon and vicinity in
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FURNISHED ROOMS
The Daily San Francisco Bulletin,
AT
The
Pacific
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Total,
-
$3.00 per year
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—-----------
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MRS SARAH COSTELLO
Nice denn room« 25 and 50c a
night; $1.25 a week; $5 arooiilb
RANDON
-----
OREGON
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advance, per year
$2.75
City Transfer
All kinds of draving and transfer-
ing
FOR SALE—mill wood,
from Cody’s mill $2.00 jx-r Io »«I
Cod sold and delivered at lowest
prices
J. Jenkins, Prop.
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