Bandon recorder., November 25, 1909, Image 6

BANDON RECORDER
^»•4 bKb Week
BANDON..................... CAKŒ
Galveston has King Canuts beat •»▼-
«rai city block a
— ■
'
- -s
The cigarette is the dead mouse In
the wall of the tobacco shop.
Good morning. Have you made an
Investment by brightening somebody's
’Ife this morning?
As King Alfonso would say: "You
jnnot make a Spanish omelet without
ireaklng a few eggs.”
No, Anxious Inquirer, Mr. Llttauer
was not party to the fatal glove con­
test on the battleship Vermont.
The woman who thrashed her hue­
band for getting drunk regarded It
doubtless merely as a case of tight
lacing.
macninea The Government la not to
be commended for these failure« in
utility, but certainly ft Is noteworthy
that this practical nation so far for­
got itself In admiration of medalllc art
that it never Inquired whether the
coins could be used or not The plain
people naturally are more concerned
about the pennies than they were
about the gold pieces, the habit of
stacking double eagles not being prev­
alent outside of banks, subtreasurles
and cashiers’ offices. The alot machine
has become a favorite means by which
the people come Into communication
with chewing gum, chocolate drops
and other luxuries and diversions. It
was a serious matter when It was dis­
covered that the new Lincoln penny
would not work In this capacity. The
fact that V. D. Brenner, the medalist,
had his initials tucked away micro­
scopically on the penny, although ob­
jected to, was unimportant. The slot
machine defect was serious, and fur­
thermore It was discovered that the
bank coin machines could not be
worked with the new coins. The Gov­
ernment is getting too artistic. It
must have a care for the practical
things In life.
Owing to the advent of the aero­
plane some one from Kansas might
Already American and Canadian pa­
make a fortune by Introducing the cy­
pers are beginning to talk about cele­
clone cellar in England.
brating the one hundredth anniversary
Orville Wright earned a <5,000 bonus of the war of 1812. Except on the
principle that every event Important
In 14 minutes and 42 seconds. It had
taken him some time, however, to get enough to be remembered must be
celebrated after one hundred years, we
ready to do the earning.
seen no great call to make a fuss over
Philosophers, LL.D.’s, and others of the war of 1812. Neither nation has
that character greet one another as any reason to be proud of Its begin­
follows:
"Good evening; have you ning, end of Intervening history. We
were nagged into the quarrel by re­
made up a new religion yet?”
strictions put upon neutral commerce
Edward Payson Weston, who has by the contending forces In the Na­
walked across the continent In his poleonic wars. The policy represented
seventy first year, Is a living refuta­ by the British orders on council was
no more oppressive than that repre­
tion of the chloroform theory.
sented by Napolleon’s Milan decrees.
Speaking of midsummer bargains, But we seem to suffer more from Brit­
did you notice that the <1,000,000 ish restrictions because that power
Rockefeller building was sold by the had a navy to enforce them. In our
juvenile Irritation and bumptiousness
older to the younger John D. for <1?
we rushed without preparation into
In other wordB, according to the ac­ a war that would have been ruinous
commodating alienist. Thaw was In­ had not England been exhausted In a
sane just long enough to furnish the larger struggle. The trivial land bat
excuse which was going to be neces­ ties of that war were neither honor­
able to us nor very creditable to the
sary.
unvarying victors. We have always
Five feet of books will make some boasted of our naval prowess in a
men real scholars. And then, again, number of frigate duels, but these had
there are other men upon whose na­ little effect on the course of hostili­
tive Ignorance five cords of books ties. After all the naval victories of
Perry and McDonough on the Interior
wouldn't make an Impresston.
lakes, trifling as they were, did more
Evelyn Thaw emphatically denies than anything else to bring the w-ar
that she Is an angel child, and It Is to an end. The treaty of peace is no
probable that a large percentage of great cause of pride either. Though it
the population will be inclined to take contained a number of sensible pro­
her word for It without any further visions forced upon both nations by
pressure of circumstances, It left open
protestations.
ruses of dispute that vexed us for gen­
A New York correspondent objects erations, some of which are yet un­
that men's clothes have too many pock­ settled. On the whole the war of 1812
ets. An evident attempt to keep up was an indiscreet adventure of our
the general average In compensation youth, provoked by Insolent British
for the complete absence of pockets In contempt of our feebleness, which both
nations may well agree to Ignore. The
women’s clothing.
most practical suggestion in connec­
The Standard Oil Company, It Is an­ tion with this is that the United States
nounced, will manufacture butter as a and Canada join in celebrating, not
by-product. The Standard a long time the war of 1812, but the century of
ago manufactured axle grease, and peace between the two countries that
from axle grease to some kinds of but­ followed it. First made at the last
ter is only a step.
Harvard commencement, this sugges­
tion has been officially approved in
A California man has invented a fly­ Canada. It would naturally postpone
ing machine which he calls an ornl- the celebration until 1914.
thopter and by means of which he ex­
«Profeaaional Fathers.*
pects to be able to fly like an eagle. In
case his expectations are realised we
A curious Industry has sprung up
suppose it will be permissible to speak In France owing to the law which
of his performance as "ornithoplng.” permits any man to declare himself
the legal father of a child, the Paris
Courts for children, like those of correspondent of the London Express
higher jurisdiction, are sad reminders says. A number of men of good fam­
of neglect, depravity and crime in man­ ily and small means have adopted pa­
kind. They exist not from choice or ternity as a profession and are willing
through pride in the machinery of law, for a small sum to declare themselves
but as a result of dire necessity In fathers of boys or girls who have no
some eases. The bar at which Incor- names of their own. As long as these
rlglbles are arraigned should not be a honest men alone profited by the law
judgment seat for nurslings accused of there was no particular reason to in­
trifling
misdemeanors.
Officialdom terfere, but the authorities are taking
guilty of wholesale arrests and prose­ steps to abrogate It now owing to
cutions of this description Is itself in curious circumstances which have
need of discipline
come under their notice.
Some time ago a woman proceeded
Interest tn the project of damming against a man for theft and black­
Niagara River has been renewed by mail. He was sentenced to two years'
the approaching report of the Inter­ imprisonment. The woman had a son
national Deep Waterways Commission who had been registered as "of par­
The members of the commission are entage unknown.” When the black­
said to be Individually in favor of the mailer came out of prison he in due
dam Shipping men favor ft also, as form declared himself the young
the decline in level of Lake Erie every man's father, and he is his father
autumn seriously interferes with their still. Recently in a lawsuit in which
business. It Is estimated that a dam an inheritance was at stake the evi­
which would maintain the lake at a dence proved that the legal father
permanent and satisfactory level could of one of the parties was two years
be built for <5,000,000.
younger than his daughter, and this
state of affairs is too Gilbertian to re­
The Department of Agriculture has main possible much longer.
Issued a warning to the public concern­
She Wasn't Sure.
ing the growing use of phenacetin,
A famous baseball player has a
acetanllld and antlpyrln. These drugs
are declared to be true poisons. The younger sister who Is Intensely proud
danger lies In the powerfully depres­ of him, although not very familiar
sing effect upon the heart, and In the with the national game. Mentioning
ease with which a habit of use Is form­ his name one day to a visitor, the
ed. Of a large number of physicians latter asked her what position her
who gave testimony to the department, brother played.
a great majority stated that they were
"Why,” she stammered. "I—I’m not
prescribing these drugs less frequently sure, but I think he's a batter!”—Lip­
than was their former habit. In spite pincott's.
of this, the sales are Increasing The
Tabbed and Filed.
explanation Is that the drugs are used
Mrs. Crawford—You must love your
In headache powders and other prep­
husband very dearly if you save all
arations which are taken at soda foun­
the letters he sends you while you're
tains or bought at drug stores for use
In the country.
at home.
Mrs. Crabshaw—I’m keeping them
With as little unseemly boastfulness for comparison, my dear. I'm sure to
as possible to permit us to attract the catch him tn a lie.—Judge.
attention of critical and eomettmea
The modern mother does so much
captious Europe to the fact that this to epare her children it is a wonder
Government of the free and equal tn she doesn't think up some plan of
Its latest money making experiments taking their pills for them
has sacrificed utility to esthetics. The
Don't wear diamonds unless you
new gold pieces would not stack and
tba utw pennies will aot fit the alot have • bank balance to match.
P apers bí - i
NATURES LAWS CONSTRUCTED BY MAN.
By Charin R. Glbsoa.
One sometimes finds people who consider
theory to be a useless sort of thing a sort
of wild guess, without which we should be
none the poorer. It must be clear that a
theory is more than a mere speculation. If
I suggest that the moon Is made of green
cheese my speculation is not entitled to be
called a theory. I cannot bring forward any
observed facts to support my suggestion.
There is a good story told of a well known professor
examining three raw students. He asked the first,
“Does the earth go round the sun or the sun go round
the earth?”
"The earth goes round the sun, sir.”
"You," said the professor, quickly turning to the
second student.
“O, the Bun goes round the earth.”
“You,” demanded the professor of the third student.
“O, it's sometimes the one way and sometimes the
Other.”
Our position then is this: We gather a number of
carefully observed facts and we then try to explain
them. We then look out for new facts and see If our
theory can explain these also. If It cannot we must be
willing to alter our theory.
When we are quite satisfied that a theory Is correct
we then raise the theory to a higher platform and call
It a law of nature. It is well to remember that with all
other knowledge these laws of nature are of man's own
making. It Is amusing how some people think that
certain things happen because of these "laws of na­
ture.” As if the universe were controlled by these
laws which man has constructed! The laws of nature
are only theories which seem to be correct. They are
not fact3, but merely our views or Ideas of facts.
1
FEMININE BEAUTY AS NOW INTERPRETED.
By Marcel Prevost.
Mrs. Howard Gould testified recently to the
effect that a truly elegant woman ought not
to wear the same gown twice, no matter how
beautiful or expensive a gown it may be. The
tendency towards almost Inconceivable ex­
travagance In dress is not surprising In view
of the fact that society lays so much stress
upon appearance rather than upon accom­
plishments. One of our first ultra-modern
principles is that woman’s attraction resides not so
much in her spiritual and Intellectual qualities, not in
her beauty, but in her elegance. And by elegance is
not meant the politeness and the harmony of her bear­
ing and manners, but simply the way in which she
"appears,” the manner in which she is dressed.
To be beautiful in our day and age no longar means
to possess beautiful features. Modern language and
modern logic have changed the meaning and notion of
this. Beauty to our modern notions is a thing not in­
ternal, Inherent, God given, but an external thing, de­
pendent upon the purse, the tailor, and the milliner.
The artists who devote their lives to making new
fashions and styles for the beautiful sex are racking
their brains now to make up gowns for which they are
to charge <500l or hats for <300. They do not plan
such high priced gowns because of their own great cu­
pidity, but because of their patrons’ extravagance. Their
best patrons demand such high priced gowns and hats.
PROPER TIME TO LAUGH.
Some
Vaudeville Jokeleti
Age Cannot Wither.
BBW BURGLAR ALARM.
■
r
X
They demand it because of the competition with which
they meet from their sisters who are not as rich as
themselves. They don't want these to equal them In
splendor and in elegance.
Those who will hold out longest in this mad chase
will some day awaken to the fact that in spite of all
their resplendent gowns they are not really elegant
women, but imitations and no more. And then they
will take their money, which they now waste on almost
inconceivable luxuries to adorn themselves outwardly,
and will spend it in travel and In other things which
will enrich their Intellect, and will make them more at­
tractive as women and not mere lay figures.
TRAMPS AND BUMS ARE DISTINCT CLASSES.
By Terence V. Powderly.
There is a big difference between the man
who la out of a job and cannot find one and
the man who never had a job and would not
take one If he could get it. A tramp is a
man willing to work, but forced to go from
place to place in search of it. A bum is a
sot, a loafer and a drone who goes into hys­
teria at the mention of the word work. A
hobo is an Individual who goes on the theory
that the world owes him a living and he is going to get
it by hook or crook. The honest workingman need take
no offense at the criticism of the tramp class. The hobo
or bum never worked and never will. He is the fellow
whose motto Is, "The world owes me a living.” The
honest workingman knows that the world doesn't owe
him a living unless he earns it.
The solution of the unemployed problem in the big
cities Is In the transportation of men who want to work
to places where men are wanted for work. There is a
crying demand for labor in this country. In the fields
of the west and along the roads of the west there 1 b a
constant cry for more men. In Chicago, New York and
the other largo cities there are thousands of good, hard­
working men who could fill this need if they had the
chance. The trouble is they haven't the money to get
to the field of employment.
EAST MUST NOT DOMINATE THE WEST.
By Gov. John A. Johnson.
It Is time that the West threw off the
shackles of the East. We as an Integral part
of the American people should cast our influ­
ence and our votes not only to advance the
material Interests of our own particular sec­
tion, but we should be broad enough and big
enough to labor for the common good of our
common country.
We have in the States west of the Missis­
sippi the undoubted balance of power, no matter under
what name the national administration at Washington
exists. In the years that have passed our population
and our material wealth have not enjoyed that repre­
sentation to which they are entitled, and, furthermore,
our leaders have been content to follow in no small
measure the leadership of men who represent relatively
small constituencies and smaller commonwealths. It is
time that the great northwest should come into its
own and by the force of its energy, the ability of Its
sons and the cooperation of its various constituent
parts exert an Influence for good not only as to its own
particular prosperity, but to that of the country at
large, to which every element invites ft.
HELPING MOTHER PUT UP THE JAM.
Which
Vaudeville la known as the “laugh
trust,” but not for the reason one
might think. It gets the phrase be­
cause there are a certain definite num­
ber of devices in its category of acts
that control the laughs of its audi­
ences. The same old things are always
good for a laugh in vaudeville. Ac­
cording to the Bohemian, a new de­
vice, a new bit of "business," a new
joke are all regarded as dangerous by
the performers. The following table
details some of the times at which a
vaudeville audience regularly laughs:
When a comedian walks with a
mincing step and speaks in a falsetto
voice.
When a German comedian opens his
coat and discloses a green waistcoat.
When a comedy acrobat falls down
repeatedly
When a performer asks the orches­
tra leader if he is a married man.
When a black-face comedian says
something about chicken.
When a performer starts to rise
from a chair and the drummer pulls
a resined piece of cord so that the
performer thinks his clothes have
ripped.
When the drummer suddenly beats
the drum during a comedian's song
and the latter stops and looks In his
direction.
When a tramp comedian turns
around and discloses a purple patch
or several pearl buttons or a target
sewed on the seat of his trousers.
When the funny member of the
troupe of Instrumentalists Interrupts
the progress of a melody by sounding
a discordant note on his trombone.
When a clown of a team of acro­
bats poises himself to do a presuma­
bly difficult feat and suddenly changes
his mind and walks away without do­
ing It
Mosquitoes Kill Cattle.
B. M. Foster and T. A. Dees return­
ed home from Chenlere au Tigre, an
Island south of Abbeville, a Houston ;
Post's Lake Charles < I^a.) correspond-:
ent says. Great myriads of large mos­
quitoes caused the party to return
home at once. Mr. Foster is authority
for the statement that many head of
cattle are being killed by the pests,
and that the people of the island
would suffer a like fate if they ven­
tured out. Day and night the inhab­
itants are compelled to fight constantly
against the little pests, and what small
farm work Is done on the Island has
been sadly neglected.
Mr. Foster says that th» cattle o»
the Island an usually b» found In
herds of about 100 each, but the mos­
quitoes have cawed th» animals t»
»
<•«*»<■
l till**« Wiu<ow
and Doorway ( urlnlue.
Deputy Consul General Ulysae» J.
Ry water reports, according to Dally
Consular Reports, on a simple a>
pllane» for giving warning of attempt­
ed burglary or forcible entry Into
premises, which Is thus described by
the consular officer:
This appliance has been thoroughly
tested by the police authorities of
Dresden and Berlin, and the most ex­
perienced experts were unable to find
flaws in the apparatus, or to enter into
the protected premises without start­
ing the alarm. The appliance itself
is very simple, consisting of a curtain
or portiere, wired with fine conductors.
, At certain places on the curtain are
affixed small metal knobs, which are
connected with the wire conductors.
The curtain Is then drawn across the
window or door, or around the safe,
and the slightest disturbance of this
position breaks the circuit, as the met­
al knobs are thrown out of contact
with each other.
Should the burglar notice the wires
and cut one or several thereof the
breaking of the circuit would also
start the alarm. Any other attempt to
destroy the protecting curtain would
also be noticed. Any curtain, unless
made of flreproof material, would also
act as a Are alarm. The alarm Itself
may consist of a series of bells, lights
or other electrical appliances. This In­
vention can be used to protect doors,
windows, safes, etc., and naturally the
curtains, forming the most conspicu­
ous part of the device, can be designed
and arranged to suit individual taste.
The Inventor recently gave the writer
an exhibition of the working of the
apparatus, and the Impression was that
this Invention is unique in simplicity
and reliance.
++++-H-k+++++++-;-+++*++++.j-+-»>
X
THE HINDU SCHOOLBOY.
j
The pupils in schools in India are
much more amenable to discipline
than English or American boys. Dr.
T. L. Fennell, the author of "Among
the Wild Tribes of the Afghan
Frontier," says that the Indian school­
boy has not yet lost the ancient tradi­
tional respect and love of the pupil
for the master, and therefore wins the
sympathy and Interest of his instruct­
ors.
His chief falling is his incorrigible
propensity to what is known in Eng­
lish schools as "sneaking;" schoolboy
honor and esprit de corps are being
developed in mission schools, but have
very little basis on which to build.
"Flease, sir, Mahtab Din has been
pinching me.”
"Shuja'at Ali has stolen my book.”
“Ram Chand has spilt ink on my
copy-book.”
If the master is willing to listen to
tales of this kind, he will get a con­
tinuous supply of them all day long.
There is much greater diversity in
the social status of the boys in an
Indian school than in English schools.
In the Bannu Mission School every
class of the community is represented,
from the son of the rich landowner
to that of the laborer, from the Brah­
man to the outcast, and not only do
they get on well together without the
poor boy having to feel by taunt or
treatment that he is unwelcome or
despised, but I have often come across
genuine acts of charity which have
been done quite naturally and without
any ostentation; in fact, such deeds
are kept secret In the majority of
cases.
Thus a poor boy, unable to buy his
books, has had them supplied to hkn
by the richer boys of his class. In
one case a poor boy was left quit*
destitute by the death of his father,
and some of the boys arranged a small
subscription month by month to en­
able him to remain at school.
Philndelpbia*« ilonat.
flock together for protection, and he j
saw one big herd with fully 10,000 anl-,
mals bunched and bellowing with
pain. The cattle, he says, keep mov­
ing to the windward to keep the pests
off as much as possible. Occasionally
one will become exhausted and fail be­
hind, or a cow will stop to help Its
calf, only to meet a hasty death. Some
animals Mr. Foster saw have actually
been smothered to death by the great
swarms of mosquitoes.
"No one who has not witnessed con­
ditions on the Island Is able to form
any idea of what the people and stock
have suffered.” concluded Mr. Foster.
Chicago and New York doubtless
have their uses We must have pork
and beef, and we must have a com­
mercial metropolis, but It is hard to
believe that any one would willingly
live in New York unless possessed of
an Income of a million or so a year.
In this city we live with comfort
and a due sense of proportion. Thera
are a few flats in the city, and there
are enough people who don't need
homes to fill them, but the average
Philadelphian is wedded to his hearth­
stone. He owns his house and lives
in It with pride and comfort, without
ostentation.
Ouradvice to people in Chicago and
New York Is to come to Philadelphia
to live, where babies may be bora
without the fear of the landlord, and
where they may be nurtured In com­
fortable homes and brought up to be
respected citizens. — Philadelphia In­
quirer.
guaranteed us under the Constitution.
A machine which will enable him to
blow out all the gas within reach,
without need for subsequent hospital
I
treatment, will do much to restore
Hiram's faith in popular government.
So much for the blowing out of gas;
but why can not this beneficent genius
turn his attention to other needed In­
ventions? Where Is the machine that
will make banana peels on the side­
walk a delight to pedestrians? Isn't
there some device that will make the
humorist who rocks boats and pulls
Ilnm with Jelly.
chairs from under folks a public bene­
Melt In a saucepan a large table­
factor? Can't we have an antidote for spoonful of butter and half a glass of
the revolver which no one supposed currant or other acid jelly. Shake in
A Premium on Folly.
a little pepper, and when hot lay In
Uncle Hiram, who wears whiskers was loaded?- Success Magazine.
I four or five small thin slices of boiled,
and lives in comic weeklies, will be
So ( nrelenn.
I cold ham. Let it boil up once and
delighted with the latest news from
"Yes, I have a cousin In Barcelona.'
serve quickly on toast Boston Post.
New York. A man In the metropolis
“Aren’t you worried?”
has Invented a device which enables
"I'm awfully worried—they're hav­
5<>t for Him.
one to blow out the gas without fear ing such dreadful times there killing
"I don't think lions ought to b»
of the consequences By a mechanism people. And I’m as mad at Arthur as
raged."
too complicated to describe, the gas. I can be.”
“It Is the only way to keep them
when blown out. automatically shuts
"Why?”
from becoming extinct.”
Itself off So perfect is the contriv­
"Because he hasn’t sent me any pic­
"Oh, surely there Is another way.”
ance, according to the Inventor, that ture post cards about It.”—Cleveland
"If you mean cagin' Roosevelt, count
even the gas bill ceases to run.
Plain Dealer.
me out.”—Houston Post.
Hiram, the comics tells us, has never
Every man thinks that while others
Agreeable.
been able to understand why meddle­
Palmist—Shall I tel) your fortune,
some people should Interfere with his may be stingy or profligue, he is just
simple, homely diversions
Blowing a happy medium.
I sir?
out the gas. he has always maintained.
Brokely—Ye». Tell It to h""¥ up.-«
So many people seem to look dis­
1» OM «f thoa» personal prlvllegee couraged all the time.
I Puck.