BANDON RECORDER
I« m <4 tack Waek
BANDON.......... OREGON
Mark Twain has outlived all his con-
temporary humorist*; they may have
*ri*d harder to be funny.
Chickens are to be hatched by elec
tricity; aud can’t they be given a shock
in relation to the egg industry?
A milkman lias invented an airship.
It ought to be flue for delivering milk
to the third and fourth story flats.
In accord with the eternal fitness of
things, people who keep harping on dis
agreeable things should be strung up.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox asks: “Are the
rich as happy as the poor?” Well, the
poor man seems to enjoy owning a dog
more.
Kaiser Wilhelm has offered two of
his castles for sale. Why pay rent
when you can buy a castle on easy
terms?
It is not much of a compliment to
•Mr. Rockefeller to call him a captain
of Industry. lie Is at least a major-
general.
Petrified remains of whales have been
found on hill tops in California. When
whales were younger they may have
been good climbers.
“No one with brains,’’ says Dr. Clara
Scott, “will kiss In the future.” There
is no way of Judging the future, doc
tor, except by the past.
Mrs. Charlotte Gilman Perkins, dear
old girl, says American wives are mere
slaves. We should like to meet Mr.
Charlotte Gilman Perkins.
A New York doctor .’19 years of age
is suing a wealthy widow aged 70 for
|150,000 for breach of promise. IIow
he must hate to doctor people for a
Uvlng!
A St. Louis man has been fined $10
for stealing a kiss from a pretty girl.
She prosecuted him for petty larceny,
or the fine might possibly have been
larger.
That prisoner who picked up a board
and walked to freedom as a carpenter
may be made to answer to a charge of
larceny if caught. Boards are ex
pensive now.
If housework is to be designated as
“involuntary slavery” in divorce peti
tions of the future, will the henpecked
man be able to secure release upon a
writ of habeas corpus?
A London paper recently published
an article under headlines which read:
"Six Unbrlbable Councillors. Astound
ing Story From America.” Being de
terminedly optimistic, we have been
glad to believe there were more than
six.
A Toledo woman wants a divorce be
cause her busband won’t kiss her. We
reserve Judgment until we see the lady.
Jack Johnson, prize fighter, is getting
$1,750 a week for touring Australia.
The moral of this is that it pays to
be a winner.
The Earl of Crewe, the Liberal lend
er in the British House of Lord*, an
nounced the other day that the gov
ernment contemplates such a revision
of the coronation oath as will elimi
nate from, it the objurgations offen
sive to the Roman Catholics, The
Conservative leader welcomed the
change as a desirable reform. When
the two parties are agreed, it should
not be difficult for the government to
carry out its purposes.
The on* real, all-sufficient, universal
•ver-on-the-job gravy in this world,
however, is plain, old-fashioned, time-
honored and anciently approved ham
gravy! Just as it Is, without one plea
—it knocks the spots off any turkey
gravy with “yolks of eggs, giblets,”
mushrooms, truffles, or whatnot ever
concocted anywhere, or conceived In
the minds of mortals! You can't beat
it I It is known from the humblest
hovel to the lordliest palace, and ev
erybody truthfully Inclined will agre*
without comment.
*
into bread. Converting raw material
into a mnpofaetured product 1* usually
more expensive thau the raw material
itself. 7*e cash value of the wife’s
contribution to the bread might have
been more than the value contributed
by the husband to provide the flour.
Would she, then, not be as self-support
ing as her husband? All this baflier-
4/tsh about the necessity of economic
independence for women Is a pretty
poor tribute to the intellectual abili
ty of the female reformers who are
responsible for so much trouble and
unhappiness. Is the woman who draws
a »ilary from the mere man who em
ploys her in his office more independ
ent than the wife who la comfortably
cared for by her husband? Or can the
wage-earner of either sex be consld
ered as economically independent?
There is no sex to brain power of It
self. And in this free country there
Is no nn>re obstacle to a woman at
taining economic independence than
there Is to the man. Stop arguing.
Rfsters. There Is no room for argti
inent. Time flics and opi>ortunlty fleets.
If economic independence is your sole
object, roll up your sleeves and dig in
If Admiral Rojestvensky did not lit
erally die of a broken heart, his last
years were embittered and his death
probably hastened by tlie obloquy fas
tened upon hint in Ids own country,
while in every other nation he was
honored as a brave but unfortunate
man. To have taken the Russian fleet
from Libau more than half way around
the world, and to have marshaled it
In fighting condition against the Jap
anese at Tsushima, would have been
a great feat even if the ships had
been in perfect condition at the start.
Admiral Evans was Justly praised for
his success in taking our splendidly
appointed fleet to San Francisco, a
shorter trip, in time of peace, with
huzza hlng friends In every ¡>ort. The
Russian fleet, far from being in con
dition for service, was a monument to
official greed, neglect and incompetency;
Its personnel was divided by racial
hatreds, bitter at wrongs of misgov
ernment, honeycombed with sedition,
hopeless of the outcome, and so ill-
trained and mob-like that the men
trained their guns on harmless British
fishermen before they had fairly start
ed and nearly Involved in a second war
the country which half of them were
ready to forswear. They were scarce
ly more prepared for battle than the
Chinese had been ten years earlier. Yet
because lie raised the white flag when
he was hojielessly beaten and he lay
wounded and insensible, Rojestvensky
was court-martialed by his grateful
country and made a scapegoat for a
misgovernment of, by. and for the
grand dukes. Rojestvensky'* task was
more hopeless than Cervera’s, yet Cer-
vera, after a natural burst of resent
ment, retained the resiiect of bis own
country as well as of ours.
Spain
seems to be a better country to serve
than Russia.
RAM'S HORN BLASTS,
Í
Warning
«*•
I I *1
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* '
E ditoria
MURDER THE SAFEST CRIME.
MOVEMENT is on foot to ubolisb capl
tai punishment in Illinois, and its advo-
cates insist that fear of the deuth penalty
is no deterrent to crime. For years tlie
Presidents of France have commuted every
death warrant to life Imprisonment. As a
result murder has grown so common that
the recent guillotining of the four l’ollet murderers and
tlie slayer of Mr. aud Mrs. Donal in public was witnessed
by vast crowds, which applauded the executions.
That abolition of the death penalty removes a check
on would-be slayers is nowhere more evident than in the
United Slates, where maudlin sentiment has made mur
der the one crime for which a man is least likely to be
convicted, even when he commits It.
France and Germany have only 12 per cent as many
murders as the United States. Germany convicts nine
out of ton accused, France two out of three, England
more than 50 per cent, and Italy, with the highest mur
der record in Europe, convicted last year 2,805 out of
8,G00.
The United States executes barely 1 per cent of its
slayers, and not 10 per cent are even imprisoned. The
unwritten law and other causes have apparently made
murder one of our protected industries; although there
seems no equivocation or opening for misconstruction in
tlie simple words of the commandment, "Thou sbalt not
kill.”
This hardly seems a time for Illinois to remove any
penalty that may Influence the would-be murderer to
Withhold bis hand.—Chicago Journal.
CUBA’S PLAIN DESTIN,
Y grace of the United States and in vain
pursuit of a policy that tights against the
stars in their courses, Cuba again becomes
a "self-governing republic” in form. Of
course Cuba never has been and never
will be “independent” in fact. The indis
pensable basis of political Independence Is
an economic independence. Cuba's economic prosperity
now depends on the grace of the United States, By no
conceivable industrial reorganization can this situation
be changed.
Furthermore, all the tendencies of mankind are
against the continuance of small nations, As mechanical
invention makes the eartli smaller, so men gather for
safety In larger groups. The struggles to preserve tiny
nationalities, by means of linguistic and literary revivals,
are interesting but futile. Tlie product is, after all, but
a parlor piece. \\ hen such efforts have apparent success
the price is heavy. For instance, the price of the sep
V
« I
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arate existence of the three Scandinavian groups is the
postponiment, perhaps forever, of a Scandinavian empire
able to ¡flay a large part in world affairs.
With a sentimentality that has no place in interna
tional affairs, the United States undertook to renounce
tlx- prize of a war which Spanish folly bad made inevi
table. For this ¡tolltleal blunder no heavy price has yet
been exacted. Possibly the Providence which has so
visibly protected this nation against its own follies will
forgive the debt. Yet it is as certain as the rising of
the sun that Cuba will ultimately become American ter
ritory In form as well as in fact. Whether by some slow
process of absorption or by the red hand of war this end
will come, and many now living will see it come.—Chi
cago Inter Ocean.
FARM HINDRANCES.
NE would naturaly imagine with a $7,770.-
000,000 agricultural crop in 1908 that
farming is the most profitable industry in
the country. The aggregate value of farm
products is overwhelming, and yet it
shrinks to moderate proportions when ap
portioned per capita among tlie agricul
tural population. Equally distributed among the rural
Inhabitants, each would receive $259—not an amount
that would represent colossal Individual wealth. This
distribution does not represent net profit, but aggregate
gross production of wealth on the farm per capita.
Is it not time that the general government should
take more cognizance of the agricultural Industry and
dlscoier the cause why sc, many farmers are dissatisfied
with their profession? Farming is conceded to be the
most Important industry in the nation and the founda
tion of the prosperity of manufacture and other enter
prises. An industry of such paramount importance
should attract the best men in the country to its ex
ploitation, and yet the profits of many farms are too
small for remunerative operation.
It is safe to predict that agriculture will never at
tain its inalienable position of the most profitable as
well as the most paramount of the professions until the
government changes its policy in the disposition of pub
lic lands. Of what avail is it to the farmer to improv*
ills holdings wiien the government stands ready to give
the immigrant IGO acres of iirst-class land if he will only
agree to make his residence on it? The New England
farmers are unable to sell their estates when the gov
ernment offers to donate u better farm If tlie homeseeker
will agree to live on and Improve it. Not until the fer
tile free lands of the government are exhausted by dis
tribution io competitors will the present condition of
farmers be materially improved.—Goodall's Farmer.
ÍO1
AFRICAN MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.
A Woman Never, Under Any C’ircum-
Mance», Marries Beneath Her.
Some Wonderful Answer* by School-
ruom Small Hoy»,
The superstition about luck in horse
shoes dates back too far for record, but
it was not always confined to the horse
shoe. Any piece of iron found in qpe's
path was accounted a sign of good luck,
and as horseshoe* were more commonly
picked up than any other article of
that metal that particular object at last
l»ecame the standard emblem of good
fortune and the supposed defense
against bad luck. In Aubrey’s "Miscel
lanies,” written 200 years ago, the au
thor mentions having seen the horse
shoe nailed up In church, and he also
says that “most of the houses in the
west end of Ixmdon have the horseshoe
on the threshold." The horsi-shoe to
¡•ossess virtue must have been found,
not purchased or looked up. Admiral
Nelson had great faith in the luck of
In thirty States of the Union a th* horseshoe, and one was nailed to
mother has no ownership In her owe the mast of his ship, the Victory.—
children, and the husband cun collect London Chronicle.
every dollar of their earnings. Is the
They Ml** Somethin*.
wile who brings up a family of chil
dren, under such conditions ns these
Patience—I see lovemaking on ¡»ost-
not a sclf s:ipp>rting member of the al cards I* in violation of the postal
community? Who supports the family, regulations of Russia.
Patrice — The country postmaster
anyway? In the days of our grand
fathers tlie husband paid for a barrel must have a dull time of It over
of Hour and tlie wife made that flour there!—Yonkers Statesman.
*
Opinions of Great Papers on Important Subjects.
T
ERRATIC SCIENCE.
“Mushrooms always grow in damp
¡•Inces, and so they look like umbrel-
1ns,” wrote a small boy in the science
examination. Other examples of the
“howler" ure compiled by a writer in
the Scientific American:
"Air is tlie most necessary of all the
elements. If there were no such thing
as air I would not be writing this es
say now, also there would be no pneu
matic tires, which would be a sad loss.
“Electricity and lightning are of the
same nature, the only difference being
that lightning is often several miles in
length, while electricity Is only a few
inches.
“Air usually has no weight, but found
to weigh about fifteen pounds to a
square inch.
“The axis of the earth ia an imagi
nary line on which the earth is sup
posed to take its daily routine.
“The difference between air and
water is that air can be made wette-,
but water cannot
"Gravity is chiefly noticeable in the
autumn when the apples are falling
from the trees.
’Things which are equal to each oth
er are equal to anything else.
"A parallel straight line is on* which
if produced to meet itself does not
meet.
’The blood is putrefied in the lungs
by in^ilred air.”
o
*x>
o
Luck In Moracho««.
In the lnterestof safeguarding coast
wise shipping, the Department of Com
merce and Labor has mnde new rules
which affect barge traffic. They ap
ply mostly to the Atlantic const, and
especially to the coal-carrying trade,
since that is the principal Industry in
which barges are employed. The new
rules limit the number of barges which
one tug may tow to three, and re
quire that the length of the hawser
between each two shall not be more
than seventy-five feet. Tlie new rules
apply only to the three-mile limit
within which the de|iartment has Ju
risdiction, but that Includes the belt
of largest traffic. The long lines of
barges have always been regarded ns
* danger to other shipping.
GU
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o
e
Untidy
I’lcUire-lInnaer.
very bandy little picture hanger
>n devised by a resident of
The device is of wire and the
body has a loop
at the top by
which it can be
hung on a nail,
The legs flare
o u t w a r d and
lmve supporting
hooks for feot
and the single
arm, bent at right
angles at the el-
bow, lias a hook
at the top.
The picture frame rests on the feet
and is kept in place by the arm,
which can be moved up and down the
body, so that it can be adjusted to al
most any size picture. The whole af
fair can be made to sell for a very
little money and it takes but a mo-
ment to hang a picture by It.
The trouble of measuring wire and
gauging it so that the picture hangs
flat Is obviated, as the body rests flat
against the wall for its whole length
nnd keep* the picture at a proper
angle.
Hood for Telephoning.
The bulky telephone booth Is no
longer needed to carry on a satlsfac-
tor.v conversation over the telephone.
A
New York
man has invent
ed a hood which
answers the
same purpose
and takes up no
extra room.
The hood can
be made of wood
or metal and Is
bowl-shaped. It
is pivoted to an
upright which Is
attached to the
back of an ordinary heavy office chair,
and when not in use the apparatus enn
lie pushed up out of the way at d the
chair used for Its regular puriioses.
To use the telephone the caller alts in
the chair and draws the hood down
Over Ills head. It la open at the bot
tom. of course, but the other sounds In
the room are reduced to a minimum..
In front of the hood is the trans
mitter. and the receiver Is nttnehed
to the headgear, which relieve* the
¡M-rson using the Instrument of the
necessity of holding the re<elver to his
cr. For ¡•crams who have a great
•!(:il of continuous telephoning to do,
tills apparatus Is a blessing undis-
¡pii* d.
Not* Catlin* th* Wl*k*4
to Repentance.
It Is not th*
laws we pass but
the laws we en
force that show
whether we mean
what we say.
The devil gets
much of his best
exercise in finding
work for idle
hands to do.
The only things we can really own
are those we are thankful for.
As men get uearer to God they find
it easier to get along together.
God can make things plait} to some
folks that He can't even hint at to
others.
The man who doesn't believe in a
hell has never seen a drunkard’s
home.
There is a big place In this world
for the man who does not despise tbs
day of small things.
To get where sin can’t shock you
is to come very close to the rise*
where God can't reach you.
Some people are so afraid of doing
something sacrilegious that they don’t
do anything that is religious.
It is hard for the Lord to do much
in the meeting where the clock Is
watched closer than the preacher.
The home was the first institution
God established in this world, and th*
first the devil trleil to break up.
Bear in mind that the devil gets a
boy by getting his father first, and
he may get yours in that very sama
way.
You can’t sea re people into being
good any more thau you can drive
the poison out of a rattlesnake by
putting a clothespin on Its tail.
It Is told of an old-tliue boarding mis
tress of Marblehead, a shrewd dame
who kept her boarders under admirable
control, that once, on Saturday night,
a daring man broke the unwritten law
of the establishment, ami asked a sec
ond time for beans. At once several
others, who had not dared, but were
ready to follow a leader should he suc
ceed, looked up expectantly.
The landlady promptly ladled into
the plate of the rash innovator a last
spoonful, scraped from the deepest in
terior of the dish, nnd sweeping the
table with a beaming smile, declared
triumphantly:
“There! I calculated on just enough
to a bean!”
Second helpings were otherwise dis
couraged by a boarding mistress of
Old Norley. A young school teacher,
late to dinner from a skating party, ate
little of the half-cold nnd unappetizing
first courses, but ventured a second re
quest for hot mince pie. It was served
without comment, but a few minutes
after dinner the maid tapped at her
door.
“Missus is afraid all that pie won't
set well,” she announced, “and she
says, sha'n't she make you some ginger
tea?”
The kind offer was declined; but a
half-hour later the maid apj>eared
again.
“Missus says she’s Bure you must be
needin' ginger tea by now,” she stated.
"She'll send some right up the minute
yop say so. It's all ready.”
Somewhat less graciously, the offer
was declIned again; but in a few min
utes the maid reniqieared with a tray,
and, "Here's your ginger tea. Missus
says you itetter be on the safe side,
and take it.’
Rather sharply the tray was repu
diated. Five minutes later the maid
knocktd once more.
"Missus says she's got to go out, but
she ain’t Just easy In her mind to leave
you. She's put your ginger tea on the
back of the stove keepin’ hot; and
you'll find the extract bottle on th®
second shelf of the pantry, if you want
any more. She says she hopes you’ll
be all right, but that pie was awful
rich, and two pieces was enough to
upset an ostrich.”
They did not disturb the digestion of
the healthy and hungry young s -hooi
mistress; but she never risked incur
ring her landlady's solicitude by mor®
second helpings. The ginger tea had
cured her of that.
While the marriage customs of West
and Southwest Africa differ of course
in different tribes, they have broad
lines in common and are in all cases
extremely interesting.
A coastal trilie always considers It
self superior to an inland tribe and
even its meanest member claims to
rank higher than the most powerful
man of an up country tribe. A man
Shower Bath 1« Novel.
Among recent inventions is an ex may marry any women he likes of any
ceedingly simple shower bath, de tribe, It being held that he gives her
signed by a Camden man. It
can his own status, whatever that may be,
be attached to but it Is almost unheard of for a wom
either the head an to tnarry “beneath” her. As a re
or foot of the sult some of the women of the most
tub. No curtain, superior coast tribes, like the Mpongwe,
Is required, nor1 look to marriage with white men and
will the spray! frequently attain it.
wet the hair or, The parents on both sides rule abso
fall outside the! lutely in the matter of marriage be
tub.
tween natives. First the would-be
This shower bath bridegroom goes empty-handed to ob
works on a swiv tain the consent of the bride’s father.
el, so that the spray can be made to Then he goes again with gifts and the
flow in any direction to reach any por father calls In other members of the
tion of the body, producing a healthful ¡ family to view the gifts. On the third
and Invigorating effect. When it is de visit he carries trade gin, a sufficiently
sired to use the shower it is swung poisonous compound, generally from
downward and the water turned on. Hamburg. In the old days it was palm
The spray can then be regulated as de toddy or wine.
sired.
On this occasion he pays over an In
After use It is swung back into a stallment of the dowry. On the fourth
vertical position, where it is out of the visit he takes his parents with him and
wny. It Is also convenient for rinsing is permitted to st-e the girl herself.
When next he calls his prospective
the hair after a shampoo.
mother tn-law provides a feast for him
Name* for New Invention*.
self and his relatives, the host and
Every new Invention excites the word hostess eating nothing, but taking a
maker*. A few years ago the adoption hand in the drinking. Finally the man
of the electric chair In place of the goes with gifts and the balance of the
gnllows for the killing of crimináis dowry and takes the woman away. On
called forth the ill formed “electrocute” | arrival nt his village she 1* welcomed
and “electrocution.” After Roentgen with singing and a strenuous dance
made his discovery, dozens of attempts called “nkanja.”
were made to construct a word from
For three months the bride is not
Greek roots to express the process and required to do any bard work, but after
The Little Voice of Experleae*.
the result; but popular common sense that she buckles to with hl* other
One of the small soils of the Prine*
discarded them all. and Roentgen's own wives at gardening and carrying bur
tentative “X-ray” is all that has a vig dens, Polygamy Is general and the of Wales was taken on Isrnrd a battle
ship not long ago. It was his first
orous survival.
number of a man's wives limited only
And now Marconi's device for tele by his resources In the matter of pay visit to a big ship, and he was deep
graphing without wires is greatly exer ing dowries. The man may divorce his ly imfiresaed and Interested, according-
cising those who would add to an al wife whenever he chooses and for al to the London Dally News, and asked,
ready overloaded vocabulary. "Flecgr.i- most any reason. But it is rare for a as many questions as the average boy.
phy,” “undigraphy,” "teleradb>graphy,” woman to be able to obtain divorce at Finally he asked what was behind *
and other still worse compounds are her own wish. Divorce entails the re certain closed door.
"That's where we keep the powder.”’
suggested. The fact Is overlooked that turn of the dowry.
"Do
you have to take powders, too?*
.“telegraphy” do; s not signify the use
Not the Place for a ifit.
said the little prince, sympathetically.
of wlr.s. and is therefore applicable
"I wonder why they put the success
to the wireless system; so that the
Her Lateat Lasary.
simple “wireless telegraphy” is exactly ful pugilist's picture at the bottom of
the ¡»age in this paper?”
“
Young
man.” said the heavy father,
accurate.
•
“Why not at the bottom?”
"do you understand the style In which
"Because it would have more of a my daughter has been accustomed to
Pyanile* of Ka*t Africa.
i
The thick forest along the bank* of delicate compliment to his skill to live? Site has always had every lux
the Kemllkl, in eastern Africa. Is have made ft an up¡»cr cut.”—Baltimore ury she wanted.” "And now I’m the
densely Inhabited by pygmies. They American.
luxury she wants,” murmured the snip
are cannibals, and when pressed for
or.—London Globe.
L'aelc J*rry.
food exchange their children for th<>*e
"Too often,” said Uncle Jerry Pee
There is luck in nn old horseshoe or
of other families. They refuse to eat bles, “when that there thing they call
members of their own families.
opportunity comes along, by Jocks, it's a four-leaf clover—if you don’t meet
with a fatal accident or get sick and
The women have struck a new only nn opportunity to steal some-1 die.
thin
’
!"
_________
scheme: they advertise for "hoitsekeep
During the month of August, ninety-
era” Instead of for “girls.” “House
We have noticed that when a fanner
keeper” has less of a tin pan sound to travels, he carries less baggage than a nine vessels entered the port of Bue-
i»
1 town man.
uu* Aires and nut one was Aiuericaih
o
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