Bandon recorder., October 01, 1908, Image 3

A Bad Break.
<r-t zx
Wife—Why did you give that pho»
Ograph away just before we were mar-
fled? Didn’t you think I could «se it'
Husband My dear, I gave It away
to keep peace. Don’t you know that
no house is big enough for two talking
machines?
And at the last report he was still
trying to square Uluiself.—Detroit Fret
Pres*
* fie
i
General Demand
A MAN IN THS MAKING.
of the Well-Informed of the World has
always been for a simple, pleasant
The story of Skaggles—us it is told
and efficient liquid laxative remedy of
by a writer iu the Associated Sunday
known value; a laxative which physi­ Magazine«» is very simple, but it goes
cians could sanction for family use straight to that sjxjt iu the heart that
because its component parts are is always waitlug to respond- to the
known to them to be wholesome and brave aud sweet things of life. Skaggles
truly beneficial is effect, acceptable was not his uame. Some oue gave him
Meeo<nttloa.
“The men who devote their time to to the system and gvntle, yet prompt,’ that title the third day after he took
the job. It was finally curtailed to
the country’s service should be recog­ in action.
In supplying that demand with its “Skag.” When he first came to the
nized,” said the otllclal.
“Well,” answered Farmer Corntassel, excellent combination of Syrup of office he fitted like a mouse's tall in u
“some of ’em should and others ’ud be Figs and Elixir of Senna, the Cali­ well; but he bad au old look—the look
more respected If they could approach fornia Fig Syrup Co. proceeds along of u burden beyond his years. He was
the payroll In disguise.”—Washington ethical lines and relies on the merits wun and pale, mid bis nose was red
every time he came iu from the weath­
Star.
of the laxative for its remarkable er. His shoes aud stockings were ven­
success.
I.e«* I.avlahneia.
tilated beyond endurance to anybody
That is one of many reasons why except a boy.
“Do you think your insurance com­
pany is being conducted more econom­ Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna is
But Skag was a faithful worker—at
ically?”
given the preference by the Well-1 first. Bright and early he swept the
“I’m st%! of It,” answered the hope­ Informed. To get its beneficial effects office a ad dusted the desks—that Is,
ful citizen. “It dbesn’t send me nearly always buy the genuine—manufac- used the duster—and by eight o’clock
as many blotters and calendars UH It tured by the California Fig Syrup Co., | he was over in his corner, his hair plas­
used to.”—Washington Star.
only, and for sale by al) leading tered back and his face washed, save
druggists. Price fifty cents per bottle. for the high-water mark about his neck.
I’ncle Allen.
But by degrees Skag's enthusiasm
“I’ve observed one thing about a foot-
---------------- SET-------------------------- over his new position languished. The
race,” said I'ncle Allen Sparks. “If you’ve
Ills Hu»/ Day.
clerks complained of unemptied waste­
got any money up on the result it always
“Ethel,” he whispered, "will you mar- baskets and dusty desks. It was also
turns out differently from what you think ry me?”
noticed that Skag's clothes were dally
it’s gVng to.”
“I don't know, Charles,” she replied. I growing more shabby, his hair longer,
coyly.
his slioes more run over, and it was
Not Quite the Same.
“Well, when you find out," he said,
Miss Bute—lie told me once that I rising, “send me word, will you? I evident that his mind was not on his
work.
was quite pretty.
shall be at Mabe] Hicks’ until 10
A reprimand from the "boss” had the
Miss Chellus—Yes, he also told me o'clock. If I don't hear from you by
desired effect. He became more punc­
that you were quite pretty—once.— 10 I’m going to ask her.”—Xld-Bits.
tual, took more Interest in his work,
I'hiladelphia Press.
Our Own Minstrel*.
seemed cheery, and sometimes whistled
Bones—Mistah Jobusing, kin yo' tell a little. But Skag's work was spas­
A great extension of the Siberian rail­
road is proposed along the River Amur, me de diff'unee ’tween de dipplymatic modic. It was not long before he was
and as it has met with hearty approval ou inte'co’se o’ fust class powahs an’ nine as bad as ever. His work lagged, he
the part of the present ministry, it is like­ cases o' measles in a cullud fambly?
was slow about getting round mornings,
Interlocutor—No, George; that’s the
ly to be constructed. It will open up 40,-
and
his Interest—outwardly, at least—•
(11
e
hardest one I ever heard. What is
000,000, acres of corn land.
difference between the diplomatic inter­ was of the wooden Indian variety. The
course of first class powers and nine crowning aud final test of endurance
State of Ohio, City of Toledo I si.
cases of measles in a colored family?
Lucas County.
j
on the part of the office force came
Frank J. I 'heney makes oath that he Isrenlor
Bones—De one am de serious affairs of when he went to sleep in bls chair.
partner of the fl rm of F. J. Cheney A Co., doing
DUSinesaintheCity of Toledo, Comity and State state an’ de uddah am a serious state
“Skag, come here!”
aforesaid, mid that said firm will pay t he Bum of affairs.
It was the boss. Skag shuffled into
of ONE HCNDRED DOI.LARS for each mid
Interlocutor—Ladies and gentlemen,
every case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by
the
manager’s private office, and sat on
the use of Hall’s Catarrh Cure.
the premier vocalist of the western hemi­
FRANK J. CHENEY.
tlie edge of a chair, nervous and
sphere,
Mr.
Splitcher
Reerdrums,
•will
Sworn to before me and subscribed in my pres­
now sing the beautiful ballad entitled, fidgety. The boss did not speak for a
ence, this 6th day of December A D 1 sn >.
,a.,„, »
A. W. GLEASON, “Darling. Take Your Arm Away; Moth­ minute—his way of impressing a cul­
'
'
Notary Public.
prit.
Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and er Is Peeping Through the Keyhole.”
acts directly upon the blood and mucous sur-
“Skag, this thing has gone far
taees of filesystem. Send for testimonials free.
A Delicious Custard.
; enough! You are not paying attention
F. J. CH ENEY & CO., Toledo,O.
The
recipe
for
this
delicate
dessert
Sold by all druggists, 75c.
Take ilall’s Family Fills for constipation.
has been handed down in my family to your work. Look at the dust on my
for many generations: Into each Indi­ desk—it's frightful. This Is Monday.
Reaction.
vidual custard cup put the yolk of one I’ll give you Just one week. Saturday
Salesman—'Hat. sir? Yes; what kind
egg, add one heaping teaspoonful of winds you up unless you come out of
do you wish to look at?
sugar, two gratings of nutmeg and five that trance. That’s all.”
Customer—Well, my wife wears a Mer­
Skag sniffed and shuffled back to his
ry Widow affair. If you have something tablespoonfuls of sweet milk. Incorpo­
chair,
where he tugged at the seam on
that is the exact opposite of it, young rate thoroughly and set the cups in a
pan of hot water. Bake in a moderate his trousers and gazed vacantly out of
man, that's what I want.
Salesman—Then you want a plug hat, oven until firm. When cool, cover with the window.
The next morning the office fairly
of course, with a black band around it. a meringue, using the whites of the
That is the nearest wa can come to a eggs for this purpose, and allow one glistened, and all through the week
Disconsolate
Widower
hat.—Chicago tablespoonful of powdered sugar to the his work improved, The stenographer
Tribune.
white of each egg. Through the very even discarded her work sleeves, her
tiptop of each snowy mound drop a desk was so clean.
Gave It Up.
But no one noticed that Skag's face
“Uncle Henry, how big a tarpon did teaspoonful of orange marmalade.—De­
lineator.
was
growing thinner and his eyelids
you ever catch?”
more drooping.
“Why. Sammy, once I—but how big
But Never Call Him Early.
Saturday night, after five o’clock,
tarpon did you ever hear of?”
He—Funny thing about your sex.
“Seven feet ten inches is the record.”
Call a woman “a bird” and she’s pleas­ Skag stayed and cleaned up the office.
“I'm not going to try to beat that, Snin-- ed. But .calI her a hen or an old crow He would be that much ahead when
my. I have only a few years to live, and
Monday came.
and she gets angry.
I want to go to heaven some day.”
Monday morning the office was as
She—Nothing exclusively feminine
clean
as a Dutch kitchen, but there was
about
that.
Call
a
man
‘
‘
a
sad
dog
”
A Financier.
Judge—IIow many times have you and he feels good. But call him “a no Skag. Noon arrived, .and still no
miserable cur”—the same thing—and Skag. at which the boss waxed wrathy.
been arrested before?
“Jones, go up to the kid’s house and
he'll knock your head off.—Boston
Prisoner—Five, sir.
see what tlie trouble is. Tell him if lie
Judge—Then I shall feel it my duty Transcript.
can't get here by two o’clock, he needn't
tx> impose the maximum fine----- ”
Knew One of the Firm.
Prisoner—But. your honor, isn’t it
Attendant (showing him through the come at all.’’
When Jones returned he went into
only fair to give a reduced rate to reg­ structure)—This house is built on what
ular customers?—Judge.
is known as the “slow combustion” plan. the manager's private office and closed
Mr. I’neuritch—Ah, yes; I think I the door. Later he came out with a
Forestry in Korea is to be taken up by know Slocum. I have seen him at the long sheet of paper in his hand. The
¡club; but I have never hud the pleasure boss had headed tlie list with twenty-
the government under new forest laws,
soi<l to have been enacted under a co-op­ of meeting Mr. Bu.stion.—Chicago Trib­ five dollars.
erative agreement drawn up by Japan and une.
"What brought it on?” asked the
Korea. It is also reported that a school
stenographer.
Brazilian railroads in operation a' the
for training Korean foresters has been
“Exposure, and not enough to keep
beginning of last year had a total length
established.
of 10,776 miles. In addition there were body and soul together. The kid's been
l.Otrj miles under construction and 4,177 sitting up nights with her for a month.
1‘reiuatnre.
Husband (on overland train)—You miles being surveyed or already approved, Funeral’s Wednesday.”
mustn't mind if, Maria, if I take several making the total mileage about 16,805
Skag Is still working. He wears a
doses of spirits during the day, from now miles.
new suit, and the high-water mark
on. It's the only thing that will cut this
round his neck lias disappeared. And
Saved liy Tomatoes.
alkali dust that gets into one's throat,
John Vaughn of Mercerville, a rural they do not call hhn Skaggles now.
Wife—You won't have to do it to-day,
letter carrier, was driving along a road They call him by his right name.
John. I've been making mime inquiries,
and I find we don't strike the alkali re- when an auto plunged Into his light rig
Practicing by Ear.
from behind. Vaughn was tossed in the
giou for 500 miles yet.
When Grover Cleveland was practic­
air to alight in a load of tomatoes in a
ing law !u Buffalo one of his friends
As Revised.
wagon twenty feet ahead. IHs rig was
Sail on, sail on, O ship of state!
demolished, but the soft tomatoes saved was a lazy young lawyer who was for­
Portland cemented, strong and great I
him from serious injury. The squash­ ever i>estering him with questions al«>ut
legal [>olnts that he could Just ns well
Humanity need have no fears;
ing of the tomatoes did not save
TLou’lt go uncraeked through all thi
Vaughn from the ire of the wagon’s have looked up for himself. Even
years,
owner. The driver of the automobile Cleveland's patience had an end. One
With rocky sides imperforate!
day ns his friend entered he remnrked:
sped on with a grin.—Kansas City
— Chicago Tribune.
“There nre my books. Help yourself
Journal.
to
them. You can look up your own
The Wine Men.
In th. Concrete Age.
case.”
“After all, it's the wise man who can
First Government Officer (a few years
The Inzy lawyer stared at him In
change bis opinion.”
hence)—Anything particular on hand to­ amazement
“But the wisest men simply can’t do day?
“See here, Grover Cleveland,” he
It."
Second Government Officer—Yes; I've
■aid
Indignantly. "I want you to under­
"Why not?”
got to go this afternoon to take part in
“Because they've been dead for the molding of the corner stone for a new stand that you and your old books can
go to thunder. You know very well
years."—Catholic Standard and Times. hattieship.
that I don’t read law. I practice en­
tirely by ear.”—Everybody's Magazine.
C C ©
CONTAINS
Wedderly—Can the girl you are en­
gaged
to swim?
O.O.O. NO MERCURY Singleton
—I don't know. But why
The
Medicines containing Mercury are often given to persons suffering with
Contagious Blood Poison, and so powerful is the action of this drug that it
frequently removes the symptoms in a short while, and shuts the disease
up in the system to do greater damage to the delicate internal members.
When, however, the treatment is left off. the disease always returns, and the
patient finds that his health has been injured bv this powerful mineral, and
lie is often left with weak stomach, disturbed digestion, mercurial rheuma­
tism, etc. Thé action of S. S. S. is entirely different. It contains no
Mercury, nor any other harmful drug, but is made entirely of healing,
cleansing roots and herbs. It cures Contagious Blood Poison by removing
the virus from the blood. It searches out every’ particle of the poison
and docs not leave the least trace for future outbreaks.
S. S. S., in
addition to curing the disease,’ builds up and strengthens every part of the
body. Its fine tonic effects tone up the stomach and digestion, improve the
appetite and regulate the entire system. Home treatment book containing
valuable information about the different stages of the disease and any
medical advice desited scut free to all who write.
Hight
Kind
ot
a
Girl.
do you ask?
Wedderly—Because if she can you
ought to be happy. A girl who can swim
can keep her mouth shut.—Buffalo Com­
mercial.
A
Fulfilment.
They said he'd make his mark 'mongst
men,
It was a prophecy profound,
lie bought himself a fountain pen
And when he shook It now and then
Mad« marks on every one around!
—Washington Star.
When a locality la rather abort on
other resources. It Is pretty apt to lay
claim to • ttuiarkubly UcaliKal cl»-
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., ATLANTA, GA. mat*.
ALL RUN DOWN.
*»!» Patt.at.
»
JDaK-ts«
I t . W s
IL'g ! <•'* w.i*W»
•t 1» all.
fleltly tc.fjl » ,7.’.rV,
C' I. trllitqr U qt « ' Ojt.i!
atlfiah tMtliticia*, 0*Mid: *The. m.t
.'/•</
Relief from Fe-ru naal Once.
Read IVhat She Says.
■SS DELLA-STROE BE, 710 Rich­
mond St., Appleton, Wis., writes;
“For several years I was in a run­
down condition, and I could find no ro­
ller from doctors and medicines. I
could not enjoy my meals, and could
not sleep at night. I liad heavy, dark
circles about tire eyes.
"My friends were much alarmed. I
was advised to give l’eruna a trial, and
to my joy 1 began to improve with tho
first bottle. After taking six bottles I
felt completely cured. 1 cannot say too
much for Peruna as a medicine fur
women in a run-down condition.”
Pc ru-na Did Wenders.
Mrs. Judgo J. F. Boyer, 1421 Sherman
Ave., Evanston, Ill., says that she be­
came run down, could neither eat nor
sleep well, and lost flesh aud spirit, Pe-
runadid wonders for her, and she thanks
Peruna for new lifo and strength.
OWARD e . BURTOIi.—Assayer arl Chemist.
Leadville, Colortuio. Specimen prices: Gold,
Silver* L ad, $1 ; < »old, Silver, 7 »• ; Gold, 50c ; Zinc or
Cepperai. Cyanido t<- s. Mailing envelopes and
full price list sent ou u’ ‘cation. Control and Uni
£lre work solid ted. liwiereucox Carbonaie Xsa
H
oual Bank.
|
reminds me
a d".-t.,r of Shanghai. A
mandarin came to this doctor for ad­
vice. He could not sleep, had no appe­
tite. suffered a g>> d deal from depres*
■iou and nevertheless was taking on
fat at an ahirming rate. ‘We’ll soon
put you in condition again,’ said the
physician. ’What you ueed is exercise
— good, hard exercise. Four times a
week you can come here and put in tlie
morning polishing my floors.’ ’But why
not my own floors?’ tlie mandarin in­
quired, ‘Mine,’ said the physician, ’are
larger.' »»
A
Hobbit anil n
Whistle.
Did you know that a short, sharp
whistle from the mouth would stop a
rabbit? It surely does. Next time you
see little Molly Cottontail leap from her
burrow and make off don’t shoot; just
whistle. Whether from fear or curios­
ity I cannot tell, but she will stop still
in lier tracks. An antelope has been
known to do likewise. An African
hunter once said that the elephant is
tlie most timid of all animals and can
lie frightened into n cold sweat by a
mysterious noise.—New York Press.
EjTC
''Dus’ Dance nnrt < tvouh Diseases perm»-
II I J nently cured ly Dr. » .ine's Great Nerxe Re­
storer. Rend for FREE $2.00 trial bottle and treatise.
Dr. K. 11. KLue, Ld., 831 Arch St., Philadelphia* Pa.
>eecMsary Forninllty.
WHEN YOU COKE TO PORTLAND
ARRANGE TO STOP AT
THE CORNELIUS
PARK AND ALDER STS. .
Mrs. Ferguson George, what do you
have to do when you want to draw some
money out of a bank?
Mr. Ferguson—You have to put some
money in the lmak beforehand. That’s
always been my experience.
Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Soothing
A New and Modern European Hotel, catering Syrup the b s’ r. edv t i use fui their cU'klx u
particularly to State people. A relined place for iunug the teething period.
ladies visiting the city, close to the shopping
In the Literary Workshop.
center. Rates reasonable. Free Bin.
N. K.. CLARKE, (late ot Portland Hotel) Mgr.
A Rare Bargain
Douglas County Farm in the heart
ot the famous Shoestring Valley.
Sixty acres—45 acres cleared; 15
acres fir timber; soil rich and mel­
low; no rocks; schoolhouse A mile;
on county road; running water;
well; over 300 bearing fruit trees;
5-room log house, barn and other
out-buildings; two miles of fence;
full assortment farm implements;
all house furnishings; all crops.
Must sell, Price for everything.
$2,500. Address
“Brooks,” said Rivers, who liad been
struggling desperately with an idea for
more than half an hour, "give me a rhyme
for ‘perfunctory.’ ”
“Sorry, old man," answered Brooks
"but there isn't any.”
"Dash it !” exclaimed Rivers.
Thereupon he proceeded to do it in
blankety blank verse.
When the
Hair Falls
Then it’s time to act! No time
to study, to read, to experi­
ment! You want to save your
hair, and save it quickly, too!
So make up your mind this
very minute that if your hair
ever comes out you will use
Ayer’s Hair Vigor. It makes
the scalp healthy. The hair
stays in. It cannot do any­
thing else. It’s nature’s way.
The beet kind cf a testimonial —
Id for over eixty years.”
Mxda Dy J . u. Ayer Co., Lowell, ûlm.
▲lao xnauuiao turar a of
9^ SARSAPARILLA.
PII I s.
CULXRY PECTORAL.
Amenltlea.
Tlie Oyster You’re a good deal tougher
customer than I am.
The Clam That’s all right. You do a
good dial crookeder shell game than I do.
A lilt ot Advice.
This Is a bit of advice oifered by the
Gunnison Gazette:
Young man, if you should come
across a girl who, with a face as radi­
ant as a sunflower, says ns you appear
at the door, “I will be busy for half an
hour yet, for the dishes are not wash­
ed,” just squat right down on the door­
step and wait for her, because some
other chap may come along and secure
the prize, aud right there you will have
lost an angel.
IS (>l’ll MOTTO
MRS. O. A. Df ARING
Room 419, Corbett Bldg., Portland, Ore
No. 33—OS
P N U
WHEN writing to advertiser* plena«
VV mention this paper.
St. Helen’s Hall, Portland, Or.
Resident and Day School for
Catalogue on Request
No Cuuse for Alarm.
“Look, officer!” shouted the excited
citizen. “That big department store is
afire 1”
“What makes you think so?” asked
the officer, calmly.
“Why, don’t you see all those wom-
an shoppers coming down the tire es-
capes ?”
“Oh, yes; but that Is not the sign of
fire. You see, they can’t get through
the revolving doors with those big
hats.”
No Stranger to That.
Mrs. Highmus—I suppose at some time
in your life you struggled with the Nibe­
lungenlied ?
Mrs. Gaswell—O, yes; I had an awful
aiege of that in '03. I had to take all
kinds of nasty medicines before I got it
out of my system.
Girl*.
Said an Employer: “Stick to quality.
It will win out iu the end.” We do
“stick to quality.” That is the reason
our graduates are so thorough and in
such demand. Investigate our claims to
superiority. Catalogue, businesa forma
and penwork free. Call, phone or write.
Portland Itusiness College
Tenth and Morrison, Portland. Oregon
A. P. ARMSTRONG, LL. B.. PRINCIPAL
BUSINESS COLLEGE
PORTLAND. OREGON
BEHNKE-WALKER STUDENTS SUCCEED. WHY?
They are Trained for business in a business-like way.
Why not enroll in a reputable school that places all of its graduates?
I. M. WALKER, Pres.
SEND FOR CATALOGUE
O. A. BOSSERMAN, See.
Kills aud Gonta.
Dottie—O-ooh ! What's
ture?
i
Tommy—That's Capt. Kidd an' his
b.v softcnlnii the water, cleans the akin iburovpbly, remove*
band o’ piruts.
odor of persplrutlou and renders the .Uln soli aud velvety.
Dottie—An’ which is Capt. Kidd?
All dealer*. Sample Bcrax, Booklet end Lace Centerpiece design on cloth
Tommy—W’y, th’ guy with th’ ready to work, lCc, of PACIFIC COAST BORAX CO., Oaf. land, Cai.
goatee, o’ course!—Cleveland Leader.
Local agent* wanted. Write for money making plan.
MULE TEAM BORAX
e--------------------------------------------
4
ALCOHOL 3 PER CENT.
AXcgeiaWePrcparetionrorAs-
slmilaiingthefbodamlRfguia
ting (lie Siomadis aniilkwelsof
What is CASTOR!A
Prometes Digestion.Clwrfiil
ness and Rest'.Contains neither
Opitini.Morpliine nor Munirai.
Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor OH, Pare­
goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic
substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms
and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind
Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
and Flatulency. It assimilates tho Food, regulates tho
Stomach and liowcls, giving healthy and natural sleep.
Tlie Children’s Panacea—Tho Mother’s Friend.
K ot N arcotic .
of Ohl DrS^llliTiUHR
Sied“
.
Jllx.Samn *
1
lÌKhflltÙtt-
/
AdseSttrl.
I
hMrrmint -
>
lh tanunot!
I
ClfilM Serr.
Hrirnr.
i
The Kind You Have Always Bought, and which has been
in use for over 30 years, has borne the signature of
and has been made under his per­
sonal supervision since its infancy.
Allow no one to deceive you in this.
All Counterfeits, Imitations and “ Just-as-gooil” are but
Experiments that trifle with and endanger tho health of
Infants and Children -Experience against Experiment.
I
I
GENUINE
Aperfi’cl Remedy forConsRps
lion, Sour StoriacIbDIarrhon
VVcrras,€oiwu!fions.Fevrrish
ncss and LOSS OF SLtkP.
Facsimile Stature of
teuarantped ur.dertfiTFooJi
CASTORIA
always
¡
The Kind You Haye Always Bought
In Use For Over 30 Years
Exact Copy of Wrapper.
THC CENTAUR OOMAANY, TT MURNAV 9TRECT, RAW TORR ClTV.