Bandon recorder., March 15, 1906, Image 3

• • •
'•••
Mutiny and
Piracy
By CL AKA TAYLOB
< itpvriuht'
by T. C. McGur«
fr
•
•
win'll Hit "pirxies attempted t > muni
they were met W th c.i.i.t :u bars aud
belaying pigs Some wer seized and
flung Into the sea after being well
thiir-il-ed. and when the bark resumed
her innage u.nl the y-iivl returned to
the brig with the discomfited "pirates"
they were met at the gangway by Cap
taiu Hannah aud au ancient fowling
piece and told to shear off. They felt
it wise to obey, aud for seveu long
hours they floated wlthlu a cable’s
length of the brig aud took turns beg
ging Auut Hannah's pardou and en­
treating her forgiveness. When they
were half dead with thirst aud hunger
she Invited them aboard, or, ruther,
permitted them to crawl over the rail
and promise all sorts of good beha­
vior lu future.
The brig bad lost valuable time,
to make up for It Providence gave
a gale from the right quarter aud
moved ulong quickly. She overrun
time by u day, both going and coming,
aud never, after having their hurts at­
tended to, was theremore willing
mate or crew. Occasionally Captulu
Hannah had something to say about
mutiny and piracy aud brokeu heads,
but she made no uote of It lu the log
book, and |ierbaps she never told Cap­
tain Jabez. At least, wheu she bad
finished the return voyage, and he
asked her how thlugs had gone, she re­
plied:
"1 can't find the least mite of fault,
and If you don’t git around purty soou
me’n the old brig and them Boston
shippers will have no use for you.”
—------------------------- y
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WOMAN AND FASHION WASHINGTON LETTER NEW SHORT STORIES CHOICE
Au Attractive SeKUgev.
Negligees are in demand at all sea
tons of the year, but especially »>> dur­
ing the summer ■••uths. when the uwl
fur relaxation la great. IlliiBtfated is
a mAst attractive one made of pretty
lawu with simple trimming of ent
broldered baudlng.
Aunt Haunah Snow, wife of Captain
Ja'tez Snow of Kennebunk, was almost
as good a sailor as her husband. She
had gone with him to the West Indies
on seven voyages and bad acted as
mate and secoud mate. She could mend
a sail, steer her trick, make or take In
sail aud use a quadrant as well as any
one, or at least as well as any mate
that ever sailed with the Hannah Snow,
as the brig was named. Captain 8uow
ran between Boston and the West In­
dia Islands, and the shippers of Bos­
ton came to know Ills wife and the way
she could discipline a crew and han-
die the craft.
Ou a certain date the brig was load-
Ing In Boston for a quick market, Ex-
tra help was put on to get the cargo
aboard, and Captain Jabez signed a
bond to get that cargo to its destina­
tion within a certain number of days,
barring hurricanes, waterspouts aud
other acts of Providence. The boud hail
uot been signed more than au hour
when he broke Ills leg. Nothing was
surer than that lie could not carry out
his agreement, and a great financial
loss as well as many weeks of vexa-
SUBPLICB NEOLtOKE.
tious delay stared the couple In the
THE LAW OF FINDING.
choice
of
puffed or loose sleeves,
face. They must either find a captain
to take charge of the brig or forfeit Zaalnst All Save the Owaer the Flag« slightly open neck means comfort,
coolness and style all in one, and it
er'a Title la Perfect.
the charter and pay a good round sum,
can be belted with a ribbon or left
in
common
law
finding
Is
a
qualified
and Captain Jabez was wondering if
free, as preferred. Whether made with
a man could be found when his wife source of title to goods and chattels.
the full or puffed sleeves. It Is emi­
broke iu on him.
Briefly, the law Is that tlie finder has a nently simple and can be luundered
"Jabez, you have broke your leg, and clear title against all the world, except­
with ease, for which reason It Is espe­
I don’t want to be cross with you, but ing the owner. The proprietor of a cially well adapted to cotton and linen
you seem to forgit that I am still on com b or a railroad car or a ship lias no materials.
earth.”
right to dernund property found on bis
The quantity of material required
"No, I don't,” he replied, “but I don’t
for the medium size Is 4‘zj yards 27,
see what you can do In this case ex­ premises. Such proprietors may make. 4 yards 32 or 3 yards 44 Inches wide,
cept to git me back home and nurse In regard to lost articles, regulations with 4 yards of baudlng and 2 yards
which will bind their employees, but
me.”
of embroidery for frills.
“Well, I see where I can do some­ they cannot bind the public.
The
law
of
finding
was
declared
by
thing else, unil I'tn goin’ to do It too.
Concerning Blue.
I'm goin’ to take tlie Hannah to the the king's bench more than a hundred
Pastel blue Is a leader.
West Indies and back and save our years ago (when it was the supreme
Sky blue holds its own.
court ot common law In England) as
charter.”
Turquoise will not down.
follows:
"Have you lost your senses?”
Wedgwood blue is beautiful.
A person found a wallet containing a
“Not a bit of It. If I couldn't make
Periwinkle is daintily pretty.
sum
of
mouey
on
a
shop
floor.
He
that voyage I wouldn’t be worth my
Cadet blue is very good style.
salt. 1 know all the crew, aud I’ll have blinded the wallet and contents to tlie
Plumbago is a deep light blue.
Bill Henderson for mate. We’ll slip shopkeeper to lie returned to tlie owu-
Gobelin is never out of fashion.
down there and be back ag'ln before er. After three years, during which
Delft Is very much liked this summer.
your leg has begun to knit. There the owuer did not call for bls property,
Steel blue Is a becoming shade to
the
finder
demanded
of
the
shopkeeper
needn’t be any more talk about finding
many.
the wallet and the mouey. The latter
a captain.”
China blue Is one of the good strong
Wheu Captain Jabez thought the refused to deliver them upon the blues.
mutter over he was inclined to think ground that they were found on his
Saxon, Allee and Dresden express
that his wife could do all she said, but premises. The finder then sued the the new clear medium blue.
the consignees bad to be consulted. shopkeeper, and It was held, as stated
When Aunt Ilaunah went to them and above, that, against all the world save
Faablonable Linen Colors.
stated the case they did uot raise a slu- the owner, the title of the finder Is per­
Linen bolds Its own, especially in the
gle objection, and it was settled that fect. The tiuder has indeed been held long coat suits, which are practical and
she was to be Captain Hannah Snow to stand lu the place of the owner. becoming. The plaited skirts are pop
for the voyage. It was only after the Thus A prevailed In an action against ular and pretty, but the circular skirt
brig hail left port that the mate's B. who found an article which A had with rows of very narrow stitched
meanness came to the surface. He originally found, but subsequently lost. bands around the bottom Is growing
bad sailed with the cruft on several The police have no especial rights In in favor on account of its greater dura­
voyages and was a neighbor of the regard to articles lost unless these bility. The favorite color Is of course
Snows at home. When the accident rights are conferred by statute. Receiv­ white, but gray, blue, pink, mauve,
happened to Captain Jabez the mate ers of articles found are trustees for green and the natural color are seen
naturally hoped to get command for the owner or finder. In the abueucs of
the voyage. He would have been dis­ special statute they have no power to in good models. Most of the separate
tressed If any other captain had come keep an article against the finder any coats are In plain tailored styles, with
aboard, but to be walked over by a more than a finder has to retain au ar­ colored velvet collars.
woman, even though she was the cap­ ticle against the owner,
The Vogue of Hlbbon.
tain's wife nnd u neighbor, was too
A tiuder must, however, use every
Ribbon forms one of the Important
much.
reasonable means to discover the owu­ items in the dress question now. The
Aunt Hannah saw that lie was In tho er of found goods l>efore appropriat­ plain styles are quite as effective on
sulks. "Look here, Bill Henderson,” ing them to his own use. It has l>een
fancy stuffs as are the fancy on the
ohe said, "It won’t do you tlie least declared that If the finder knows the
plain materials. They are shirred and
mite of good to go on biting your owner or knows that he can discover
tongue over this. I can captain tills him he is guilty of larceny in keeping plaited unmercifully and are used in
brig as well as Jabez, nnd I'm going to or appropriating to himself the arti­ the most unique forms, but neverthe­
less they are pretty.
take her out and back.”
cles found.
"You’ll have her at tlie bottom be­
For a Small Girl.
It Recalled the Honeymoon.
fore we strike the gulf stream,” he re­
The design here shown should be
Here is a quaint little story told of a
plied.
"You never mind where I'll have her, young couple upon their wedding trip, useful by way of suggestion as well as
but 'tend to your knitting. We are to crossing from Dover to Calais. Jenny example as to how trimmings should
crack os and make the best time we liad grown tired and sickly on deck, be the expression of character in
ami James had led her to the saloon clothes without overdoing it.
can.”
The yoke Is tucked In sunburst ef­
A day Inter she found the mate carry­ below, lovingly wrapping her up In a
ing too little sail, and an argument Scotch plaid in a snug looking corner. fect. and the fullness at tin* waist Is
ensued. Latter on she came on deck He then went aud fetched her some
from her watch below to fliid him eau de cologne aud was not less lavish
chumming with the men. Two or of endearing words until—until he
three other tbiugs happened to put her found lie had made a mistake.
His wife bad moved to another cor­
out of temper, and she exercised the
privilege of a captain by "breaking’' ner of the saloon more free from
the mate and sending him to the fo’- drafts, and un elderly woman with Just
castle. When she would replace him the same sort of plaid had taken her
with the next best man, the sailor re- place. Reallzlug the condition of af­
fused to tuke the place, The crew was fairs, James dropped the cologne bottle
with the mate, Aunt Hannah express- and flisl. Later he induced bis wife to
ed her mind freely, aud as a couse go and apologize to the woman be bad
queuee the crew refused to obey. The unwittingly lavished tenderness upon,
brig was brought to the wind, sail tak­ and Jenny went.
“My dear,” said the elderly woman
en off, and the woman was laughed at.
She was told that not a man would do tearfully, "don’t apologize. It was
nice to be called such sweet names. It
duty until the mate was reinstated.
"Then It’s mutiny, Is It?” she replied. reminded me of my honeymoon time.
"Very well. I’ll let you know that It'a many a long yeur since uiy John
you’ve got the wrong pig by the ear. had a tender word for me.”
I’ll lose brig, cargo and everything else
John never meant to be unkind
In the world before I'll give In.”
probably did love his wife. Only,
For a day and a night the brig made too many other married meu, he
no progress, and as the weather was cled that the love which made
fair she incurred no danger.
itself speech without measure before
— The crew saw that uie woman did marriage had uo need to break silence
not intend to give In, and it angered afterward.—London Tit-Bits.
them. There was one among them
who had read dozens of pirate books
The Uiaat'a Chair.
and always longed to sail under the
Iu Dolgelly, iu the uortb of Wales,
black flag. Things had never come there is a mountain celebrated In folk
right for him I »fore, but now he took lore, poetry and song as Cader Idris,
advantage of the temper of the others or Idris' Chair. The hollow, coucblike
♦o broach tlie subfeet. He was a eon<1 excavation on the top of the mountain
raiser, and he held out such an alluring has given the peuk its name. According
picture that even the mate, who was to the Welsh bards, tlie depression was
above the average man In Intelligence, caused by the gi^nt Idris loug using It
agreed to go Into the pirate business as a chair. There is a local tradltlou
with the others, This decision was in north Wales that whoever passes the
communicated to Captain Hannah, who night in the Giant's Chair will be found
was wandering about unconcernedly.
in the moruing either dead, crazy or
TUCKED riilKT.
"Waal, Bill, that’s all right,” she re endowed with the highest poetical tut
taken
up
iu
tiny tucks In frobt and
torted. "There's a rum and sugar load­ plrations. Idris is variously represent­
ed bark cornin’ our way, and you ed In Welsh tradition as a prince, magi­ back. The addition of a sash fasten­
might begin on her. I've got a black cian, sorcerer and astronomer, the only ing with little rosettes where the tucks
shawl which I'll give you for a flag, thing ou which all authorities agree be­ end la quite a pretty Idea, although a
and you Just lay to, board that bark ing Ills Immense stature. The "latke belt or a strap similar to that on the
shoulder would be as effective on wash
and give 'em fits."
of the Three Pebbles,” which Iles at
“I’ll either turn pirate or command I the foot of the Giant's Chair, contains dresses.
this brig,” stoutly asserted trie ex- three large blocks of stone, which Idris
Pert.
mate.
Is said to have once poured out of his
Miss Tottle — Auntie, make Johnny
tiecome,
"Then It 1« a pirate you'll
boots. The smallest of these stones ’ quit saying mean things to me. Aunt
for you'll never git command bore.*
will weigh a ton and a half.
. Lottie—Mercy, child! You’re both of
So a signal of distress was set on the
! you bad children. What’s he been
brig, and when the bark came up and
Cerreborattaw.
I saying now? Miss Tottie-He says
was hove to she was boarded by all
Mrs. Biff son -My husband la really i I’ve a worse tetnper'n you have.—Ex
the crew of the Snow in their own the neatest man I ever saw! Mr. Bangs i change.
______
yawl. They might have committed —I should say he was! You ought to
some foolish act and liad to smart for see the way he cleaned me upl-
Tbelr Deceit.
It but for the woman left aboard. I
Grayce—What are you crying about?
Just before they reached the bark she
Aniong a pile of wnrthleea crockery Gladys—My new bat isn't becoming
hoisted her black shawl as a signal and at the Marquis of Anglesey's seat. All the girls
Grayce—Say It Isn’t?
• warning. The crew of the stranger BeaudeserL a valuable Elizabethan
________
Gladys- No. Boo-boo. They say it is!
saw that something was wrong, and ewer of rock crystal has been found
—Louisville Courier Journal.
[Special Correspondence )
The mackerel of the New England
OBst
elEUHfliig IL ir habit» so much
that the New Engin ud people are
alarmed aud have spiraled to the pres
cut to direct the naii conimlsaiou to
make an inv>-tigatiou ia determine
«hat is the matter with the fish. Mi­
gration has become a fad with the
L'h, which now go away aud stay at
some unknown place for a good part
of the year. The New England people
waut to keep in touch with the fish.
The matter was presented to the presi­
dent by W. II. Jordau, the collector
of the port of Gloucester, Mass., aud
Benjamin A. Smith of the board of
trade at Gloucester. It is feared by
some of the Gloucester fishermen that
the mackerel may finally disappear aud
find some other home besides the New
England coast.
Silver Service For the Teunra«ee.
The battleship Tennessee, which Rep­
resentative Galues of Tennessee said
the president regarded as the most
powerful battleship in any fleet iu the
world, will receive a handsome silver
service at a southern port. President
Roosevelt wrote a brief note to the
uavy department directing that when
the Tennessee is completed and Is
ready to receive the silver service it be
sent to New Orleans for this purpose.
The note was given to Representative
John Wesley Guinea of Tennessee, who
called on the president to ask that the
vessel be sent to a southern i>ort to re­
ceive the service. New Orleaus was
preferred, but any southern port would
have answered. Mr. Gaines said the
service to be presented to the ship is
to be one of the finest In the navy.
There will be engraved upon the silver
a brief history of the state.
The Army Vnlform.
The law officers of the war depart­
meut have recently discovered, ió their
surprise and disgust, there Is no law
In which they can prohibit any person
from wearing the regulation uniform
of the army or navy If such person
cares to wear It.
The war department has been wres­
tling with the case of an army officer
who was permitted to resign "for the
good of the service," but who still per­
sists in wearing the uniform of his
rank. It was first believed that he
would be compelled to discard the hon­
orable shoulder straps, but after the
law was carefully studied It was found
there was no provision under which
such action could be taken.
As the matter now stands any- civil­
ian with the bad taste so to do and
the mouey with which to pay for it
can wear the uniform of the lieuten­
ant general of the army, although there
Is but one mail In the country entitled
to wear that particular dress.
The Pension Office.
Commissioner Warner of the pension
bureau has under contemplation an In­
novation—that of changing the present
method of keeping the records of claim­
ants for pension in large, cumbersome
books to the card system. The magnl
tude of this change can in a measure
be understood when It is known that
the names of more than a million sol­
diers, with the companies and regi­
ments in which they served, must be
copied from the old books upon cards
by hand. These cards will be placed
In the latest Improved file cases in al­
phabetical order, thereby enabling the
bureau to find a claim when only the
name of the claimant Is known. This
transfer of the records can be carried
on without interfering In any way
with the current work of tlie bu­
reau. The services of clerks writing
plain and legible hands will be utilized,
and the actual extra expense will be
the small amount of money to be ex­
pended for cards and file cases
Chief Justice Mot to Resign.
It Is stated that Chief Justice Fuller
has no Intention of resigning his posi­
tion. He has frequently told friends
and neighbors that no chief Justice of
the supreme court has ever resigned
and that he does not intend to do so,
his duties not being so onerous as to
require the rest that would come from
complete severance of official ties. If
this attitude Is maintained Secretary
Taft may never become chief luetice.
Tu.kegee InatHute.
The president will spend the best
part of Oct 23 at Tuskegee Institute,
and a great exhibition of the Institu­
tion and its students will be arranged
for. A long procession of floats and
other displays will pass before the
president, representing the work of
the Institution. A similar exhibition
was given upon the occasion of the
visit to Tuskegee made by President
McKinley In December, 1897.
Flrrprooang of Hooks.
An interesting experiment was made
recently In the blank division of the
bindery of the government printing
office in the fireproofing of books. The
treasury department was responsible
for the initial order, which consisted
In the substitution of a prepared asbes-
tus for tlie binders' boards and back­
ing. the edges being coated with a fire­
proof liquid.
Kltfli'lon of tho Capitol.
Every patriotic American citizen will
hope that no obstacle will Intrude in
the path of an extension of the east
front of the capltol at Washington In
accord with the plans which have been
reported favorably by a Joint commis­
sion of the senate and house. For
several generations this has been a
project dear to the heart of almost
every congress and always dear to
the heart of every lover of art In arch
Itecture who could Dot look at the
grand building on "the bill” without ■
a feeling of profound regret that so im­
posing a pile should be conspicuous iu
one great defect, that the magnificent
dome should seem, from the eastern
point of view, to be toppling over for
lack of a proper and harmonious ped
estal.
CARL SCHOFIELD.
lied One Too Mun) Himself.
MISCELLANY HUMOR OF THE HOUR
Ak ilUeelire Retort.
• uekiiu«' Ftfs«.
Judge Emory Speer, wbo presides
over the United States circuit and dis­
trict courts for the southern district of
Georgia, is the ¡toasessor of a uimble
and facile wit, says the Philadelphia
Saturday Evening Pont. lu earlier
days, before he hud attained the er­
mine. Judge Speer was a politician
and a power on the stump.
Shortly after reconstruction he ran
against Allen It. Candler for congress
Speer was a Republican, aud his pol­
itics sufficed to bring him un|x>pular-
Ity among a large majority of the
white population. It was his wit, his
good humor and his unfailing courage
that carried him through the campaign
without a serious difference und dual­
ly brought him to victory.
On one occasion when the young can­
didate was addressing a very Demo-
E&|>«laed.
Mr. Hart’ of Christchurch. Hamp­
shire, w ho has made a lifelong study
of British birds, has lu bls fusciuatlug
eolleetiou a large number pf cuckoos'
eggs, each lu the nest and with the
dutch In which they were deposited,
and lu almost every ease the Intrud­
er's egg is an exact imitatliuz of the
rightful eggs, only a size larger. Mr.
Hart is convinced that the female
cuckoo iiis|H*<-ts the eggs lu life nest
she has chosen before laying her owu
egg and that her retinal impression af­
fects tlie coloration of the egg. In one
instance the cuckoo chose the nest of
a small bird, tlie name of which 1 have
forgotten, whose nest was a closely
woven ball with a tiny hole for en­
trance. In this case the alien egg was
pure white, the cuckoo lielng unable
to see into tlie bottom of the nest and
her mind on tlie subject lielng there­
fore u blank. Hie plumage of the
adult cuckoo is very much like that
of hawk«, while the young are Indefi-
utt -ly speckled and blurred, the sup­
posed reason being that no small bird
would dare to feed what It took to be
a young hawk In Its nest. So the
cuckoo has still another charge of
mean duplicity against It In addition
to the familiar oues.—London Outlook.
"And you told me, Reginald,” whl*
p<-ied the brale through her tears us
the carriage whirled them away to the
railway station, “that you bad never
before I ecu niuiTieti.f
“Why. my augel, 1 never have,” he
asserted, allielt a guilty flush swept
to bis forehead.
"And,” she continuisi, her sobs be
coinlug more evident, "I trusted you.
although you were u stranger when I
met you, but now your pertidy la uu
masked. Oh, why should things be so?”
liat in the world makes you think
ma h a tiling?”
"If you never had beeu married,
bow could you keep step so perfectly
with the «eilding march? No man
who hasn't bad lots of practice can
walk down the aisle and be self | hm
se-sed while it Is being pluyed.”—Chi­
cago Tribune.
Eten Then.
J list then the ark came very near
turning turtle.
"What uu earth caused the commo
tlou?" gasped Mr. Noah. "Earthquake
innler the wuter?”
"No,” replied Noah. "One of nir eie
[ hunts Just sighted a peanut floating
by and made a lunge for It.”
Which all goes to show It Is always
Wealth of an Indian Rajah.
It Is believed that Sayajl Roo, the best to take a bug of peanuts aloug
rajah of Baroda, is tlie possessor of wherever one goes.—Chicago News.
wealth equal If not sui>erlor to that of
Tr> I iih to Keep I p.
John D. Rockefeller. He was educat­
“Do you think there will be any se­
ed lu an English university, and his
people are well governed. Much of his rious trouble between Norway aud
vast riches Is in the form of precious Sweden?”
“I hope not,” answered the pallid
stones. His wife owns the moat fa­
mous diamond necklace in tlie world. mail with blue glasses. "I've Just got
It Is made up of 200 stones, each the through struggling with Spanish, Rus
size of a hazelnut. She also has a col­ sian und Japanese. I don't feel strong
laret of 500 perfect diamonds, none enough to tackle Scandinavian yet"—
less than twenty carats. In the treas­ Washington Star.
ure chamber Is a carpet four square
Of No Cenaequence.
yards In surface made up eutfrely of
After the silence had begun to be
ropes of diamonds, pearls and rubles.
It required $4,000,000 worth of gems awkward la- cleared Ids throat and
and three years of labor. The long said:
"I don’t think, Miss Dimpleton”—
corridors of the palace are lined with
“Oh, I know you don't,” she hastily
marbles and onyx of Incalculable val­
ue. The palace Is steam heated, and replied, "but it doesn’t really matter.
electric elevators are placed at fre­ Isn't the moon Just lovely tonight?’’—
"SIB, YOU ABE A DEMAGOGUE!’’
quent Intervals. Bronzes, paintings, Chicago Record-Herald.
cratlc and hostile audience a brawny statuary, all Imported aud worth many
DlHViioala.
countryman was observed fighting bis millions of dollars, are scattered
throughout
the
royal
dwelling.
way through the crowd to the speak
er's rostrum. It was evident that he
Forcing Spider« to Spin.
had spent the preceding night with
Certain green ants In Queensland,
John Barleycorn, for his clothes were
rumpled, his hair disheveled and his which nlso make tbelr nests of leaves
face of a fiery red that rivaled tin- and flowers spun together, are said to
noonday sun In brilliancy. Shaking keep spiders to spin for them. Whether
a belligerent fist under the nose of the these latter do it spoutaueously or re-
quire to be held as the larvae of the
orator, he exclaimed:
other species does not seem to have
“Sir, you are a demagogue!”
The crowd howled, but Speer was been determined. In the devices of
not disturbed. He waited for the noise these ants there is surely one of na
to subside and then, with a smile and ture’s bints to human Inventors. Since
In a tone of entire good humor, re­ the days of the Bpider artist in the
University of Lagado, spider silk has
joined:
"And you, sir, if you would wrap a been a dream. The difficulty of its re­
few wisps of straw about you, would alization has been chiefly the pugna­
cious nature of the spider, which pre­
he a demijohn.”
The delighted audience roared with vents their being kept together. But
appreciative laughter, and the dlscom a muchiue lias beeu invented which
fited patriot slunk away. It Is said seems to overcome the difficulty. It Is
that In no voting precinct of the dis described as a sort of frame contain­
trlct was Speer’s majority larger than ing twenty-four miniature guillotines,
that In which this happy retort was the blunt knives of which descend ou
the waists of the spiders and hold
made.
them fast. A number of the threads
Said In Waahlnstou.
are secured together on a hook and
At one of the recent White House slowly drawn out.—London Globe.
receptions there was a little case of
Demunil« on h Pontofllce.
Young Physician—Your lips are ex­
rapier thrusting between two ladles,
The postofflee at Chester, Pa., is re­ ceptionally large and peculiarly shaped.
aud it was delightfully entertaining to
garded by some people as au accom­ You are doubtless a musician?
those who siw and heard.
There is a famous man In Washing­ modation bureau. Due in nil last week
Patient—Correct.
Young Physician — And may I ask
ton, one who came from the plain peo­ asked for a letter carrier’s pouch, say­
ple and who continues as one of them. ing he wanted it for a game bag, while what instrument you play?
Patient—Bass drum!
He has a beautiful daughter of aristo­ another could not comprehend why he
cratic tendencies wbo has dug up a should be refused the use of the night
A« 1/aunl.
family tree somehow or other and who collector's horse and wagon. A day or
He—Y’es, Dora trusts me. I am auro
affects superiority which she does not two ago Postmaster John A. Wallace
was called from his private office Into of It, because she admitted her ago to
possess in any sense.
The wife of a congressman from a the corridor of the bulldlDg and was me.
She—Wasn't that clever of her?
western state was Introduced to the confronted by a strange woman, who
asked for the loan of 50 cents. "But
He—How do you mean?
young lady and pleasantly said:
She — Why—er—clever to make you
"I have met with your distinguished why do you come to me for such a fa­
vor?” usk<*d the sutyrlsed official. believe it!—Detroit Free Press.
father, Miss---- .”
"I dare say,” replied the young lady "Why don't you see some of your
A Hint to Hie Poet*.
languidly. “Papa In his position meets friends? You are an entire stranger
"That new poet Is at last convinced
to me.” "That may be,” replied the
all sorts of people.”
The western lady flushed and flash­ caller, with rare naivete, “but I came Hint there’s money In tlie literary busi­
ed back Instantly, "I should suppose to see you because I'm a regular cus­ ness.”
"Sold a poem, has he?"
so, especially when he Is at hotne."- tomer of this office.” This was too
“No; had Ills hair cut and sold It to
much for the postmaster, who reached
Lfppincott's.
into his pocket for the half dollar.— the barber for a sofa pillow.”—Atlanta
Constitution.
The Dominie*« Mare.
Philadelphia Record.
Senator Deboe of Kentucky tells an
1'nloflriiii k Coal Car« In Cleveland.
Two View*.
interesting story concerning a school­
The gondolas are brought direct to
Musician (ironically) — I am afraid
teacher in bls state who was also a
preacher, says the Pittsburg Dispatch. the coal dock and are then hoisted to my music Is disturbing the people who
He loved horses and dogs, and he was a great height, trucks and all, the giant arc talking over there.
Hostess—Dear me! I never thought
the owner of a trotter with a good rec ernue first lifting the heavy car to the
ord for speed. One Friday afternoon proper position nnd then quickly turn- of that. Don’t play so loudly.—New
before dismissing the school he ad­ i S k It over, as a mother turns over her York Weekly.
small boy for a spanking The coal Is
dressed the boys thus:
An En«y Job.
"Now, boys, I suppose you all know instantly dropped Into the hold of the
Mrs. Crawford—Why won't your hus­
that there will be some horse racing waitlug vessel, the car returned to the band buy you an auto?
tomorrow. Now, don’t you go to the rails and sent to the ore dock to be
Mrs. Crabsliaw—He says we can run
rnces. Tlie track is no [dace for boys. filled with Lake Superior Iron.
Into debt fast enough now without em
These
unloaders,
under
ordinary
con­
But, boys, If you do go to the races
ploying machinery.—Puck.
don't you do any betting. It Is not ditions, can unload 500 cars of coal
every
day.
Tlie
No.
1
machine
handled
Sarprlaed«
right to wager money on horses. But,
“Ella gets her beautiful complexion
boys, if .> ou do go and if you do bet­ the biggest tonnage of coal of any ma­
mind wh it 1 tell you—bet on Deacon chine ou the great lakes during the from her mother."
“Is her mother a chemist?”—Cleve­
Abernathy's mare. This Is a straight season of 1903. The coal was trans
ferred at an average cost of 4 cents land Plain Dealer.
tip.”
And the mare won too. She was the a ton, Including tlie cost of mainte­
Woman’* lntaltlon.
old preacher-schoolteacher’s thorough nance and depreciation of the plant.—
Erie Railroad Employees' Magazine.
Jim—What is woman's intuition any­
bred under another name.
how?
“Rnftiff iik ” In the British Army.
Flls-Hnah Lee'. Sense nt Humor.
Jack—It Is that quality in a wife that
A recent case of “ragging" on board
“The lamented Fltz-Hugli Lee had a the British cruiser Kent has been makes her husband discharge a pretty
good sense of humor,” remarked his promptly followed by the supersession stenographer.—New York Press
warm personal friend, General Jack of Captain Douglas A. Gamble, her
The Great Divide.
Hayes, at the Shoreham.
Commander, who has been compulso­
Freddie—What's a pedestrian, dad?
"When General Lee, a few weeks rily retired on half pay for allowing
Cobwlgger—He’s a man wbo can’t
prior to bls death, as president of the such an occurrence on Ids ship, and
Jamestown Exposition association, got by the punishment of others concerned afford nn auto.—New York Times.
a telegram from Governor Pennypack­ in the affair. The "ragging” occurred
The I.ar of the Hen.
er of Pennsylvania that tlie legislature in the gun room, where the m'dshlp-
I love the carol of the lark.
The starling's thrilling note.
of thnt state had made a generous ap­ men attempted to atrip nnd flog nn un­
The voice of nightingale at dark
propriation to that enterprise General popular comrade. The latter promptly
Which through the air will float;
Ta* wired him back as follows:
I like the linnet's tune so sweet.
drew a revolver and shot one of the
“ ‘Sincere thank.«. I solemnly prom­ midshipmen In the mouth. The ad­
The thrush song In the glen,
But bettor far I love to eat
ise never more to draw my sword on miralty announces that It Is determined
The fresh lay of the hen
the soil of Pennsylvania except In Its to put down “ragging.”
—St. Louis Republic.
defense.' ''—Washington Post.
Ills Mew Vocation.
On Other Might*.
Mr. Goodthtng—How does your sister
“Serves him right!" murmured Mrs.
"John's home from college?”
like the engagement ring I gave her,
Henpeck, looking up from the pai>er in
“Yes.”
Bobby? Her Young Brother—Well, it’s
which she had l>een reading of the ar­
"What's lie goin’ to do now?”
rest of a bigamist.
"Well, 'twlxt you an’ me I think he’s a little too small. She has an awful
"Serves who right?" asked Henpeck.
Jest about decided to loaf around an’ hard time getting It off when the other
"Oh. a man who took one wife too tie one o’ these here Incomprehensible fellows call!—Exchange.
many.”
geniuses!”- Atlanta Constitution.
Shattered Ideal.
"My! Maybe tbey'M be after me
“Paw, what does It mean where It
Horae Zeaae.
tiex t.”— Phi ladelphla I .edger.
“Now, he’s got what I really call says here that the girl's Ideal was shat­
A township to lie called Livingstone “horse sense.' ”
tered ?"
.
Is lielng establish d a few miles from
“Why, It means she found that she
"How, for Instance?"
Victoria falls. Jbe Cape to Cairo rail
“He never bets on one "—Philadel­ could marry « wealthier man.”—Detroit
wav will puss It.
Tribune.
phia Press
.
to*»»
*
Sidetracked,
"I was looking about In Bargen’s
k llllnery department today.” began the
scheming wife, "and I saw the sweet­
est thing”—
"Yes," interrupted her foxy husband,
“that’s a groat Idea of Bargen's to put
mirrors nil around where you women
con gregate. Ex cha nge.
Be kind > tlie rich. They may not
be rich always. Florida Tlmes-Unlon.
The <MMifi<fant of my vices Is my mas­
ter though be were my valet. -Goethe.