Image provided by: Bandon Historical Society Museum
About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 17, 1903)
BANDON RECORDER. A HISTORIC CHEESE. THE MONSTER THAT CHESHIRE SENI TO PRESIDENT JEFFERSON. THE CHINESE CARPENTER. guardian cranes . Ill« Nr«ha* at Meadla* a Huie la a Flour imaae* a Caaeasiaa. Th«r Takr lbs Hue* nf Shepherd Do*« !■ V«ae«a*la. "Did you ever get a Chinese earpeu ter to stop up a bole In tlie floor Y’ a»k ed one fiat dweller of another, Th« other hud to admit that be had not Then the first proceeded to tell hit wonderful tale, which the listener would not believe until be tried an oriental fur the same puriiose the next month. “There was a worn place in the floor that needed patebtog. and I thought I'd «how my wife what a carpenter J was, so I sawed a square stM-tion of the plunks out. But I cut my hand the first minute and had to send for th« China map who has a shop right urouial 'be corner. When he got to th« door he grouted something that sound e<l as if It might mean 'Where?' and I [Milnteil to the square hole over in u dark corner. “ 'Wow,' he said as be squinted at II a minute. Then lie turned around and walked out. I thought—well, 1 didn't know what to think. 1 was so amazed- I couldn't understand hto giving up miih a simple Job. I was still puzzling over it half an hour later when I board a knock. He said 'Wow,' or some other word like It, and held up a square board. Then he walked over to the dark corner of the room and—what do you think? He put the square in. and It fitted Just as if It had grown there. And he had Just taken a peep at the hole from where he was standing in the door.” The flat dweller's tale 18 no fairy story. That's the way a Chinese car penter stops a hole ln the floor.—New York Times. The native« of Venesuelu and ad joining countries on the north side of the river Anrnaon often avail them selves of the services of a native crane Io cure for their poultry and also, in the place of collies or shepherd dogs, to guurd ami herd tbelr domestic animals. This remarkable bird, which the In dians call yakamik. and the ornltholo- 1tats I'sopbia crepitans, to found In a Ml<i stute In tlie great forests which lie lietween the northern coasts of South America and the Amazon river, particularly In Venezuela and British Guta tut. The birds never leave the for ests unless allot or captured. They may I m - trusted with the care of a flock of sheep or domestic fowls and every morning will drive the ducks and poul try to their feeding places and, care fully collecting any stragglers, bring them safely home at night. A yakamik soon learns to know and obey the voice of its master, follows him, when per mitted, wherever he goes and appears delighted at receiving his caresses. It pines at Ills absence and welcomes hto return and to extremely Jealous of any rival. Should any dog or cat ap proach it flies at it with the utmost fury and. attacking it with wing and beak, drives It away. It presents itself regularly during meals, from which it chases all dosiostlc animals and even the negroes who wait on the table If ft to not well aupialnted with them, and only asks for a share- of the eatables after it has driven away all who might aspire to a favorable notice from the family.- Brooklyn Eagle. NEW SHORT STORIES [SELF INDUCED AILMENTS. «if M Lliiaara«. I Th* Fall» •« Nqrala* the Hable at Nut FaeUa* Well. PLANT EVOLUTION. Cultlvatlun Ha« Dau« Wunder« Pur Frail and V«*ntnM«a. Lilian Bell, the novelist, gives as the Few people realize that their ailments There are few more wrongly named only reason for her having deserted the Joys of single blessedness which site so are largely self Induced, says O. 8. Mar things in the world than the Jerusa Btlrrla* Desert*« I bb of a Cavalry victoriously upheld In __ her , hu* ■•arlr Every O b « I b T owb Coatrib- __ that ___ _ __ ■ . den ln Success. . .. They _ get into a hah »1 lem artichoke. In the first place it nev Char*« at G«ttr«b*r*. ah* 1 of not feeling well. If they get up ii In er came from Jerusalem at all. And in band. Mr. Arthur Hoyt Bogue, «he at«* Card, aa* Elder Jaba Lelaad A cavalry charge met by a counter Bo««ed tb« Job—The »’«ratal Praa- found the only man large minded the morning with a slight headache or tlx secund it to not really an artichoke, charge of «-avalry la still perhaps the •atatloa at tbs Wblta Heat«. enough not io lie offeudid when be wat tome other trifling indisposition. In but a sunflower with its tubers devel most terrible spectacle witnessed in stead of trylug to rise above this con oped by cultivation. described as Lilian Beil's husband. war. If the reader has never seen such The story of the great cheese made at Cultivation has done wonders for Boon after her marriage Mrs. Bogue ditiou they take a positive pleasure In a charge be can form little conception Cheshire in 13U1 and sent the following Was invited to be tlie guest of honor I txi>atiating upon their feelings to any fruit and vegetables. of Its awe inspiring fury. Imagine Winter to I’retildent Jefferson as a For Instance, through Its means und to give a rending from her Isxiks »ne who will listen. Instead of comlstt yourself looking down from Gettys Jiew Year's present has been many at (tie Ohio Federation of Women's Ing the tendency to Illness by filling the peaches, apricots and nectarines have burg's heights upon the open, wide times told ln prose and verse, but to Clubs to be held at Dayton, and, ns I mgs with pure, fresh air they dose been developed from the almond, to spreading plain below where 5,00o worthy of repetition as an Interesting her marriage had create«! no small tlM-mselves with "headache tablets" ot which family all three fruits belong. horses are marshaled in battle line. bit of local history, showing, as It does, There to little apparent connection be- amount of interest, Mr. Bogue was in route other patent specific warranted to I'tandlng bosid.- them are 5,000 riders the patriotic spirit by which the good vited to accompany her, which invita cure whatever ill they think they are tween the wild crab of the hedgerows armed, booted and spurred and ready people of Cheshire were moved and the suffering from. They begin to pity and a Newtown pippin, but both are tion they both accepted. to mount The bugles sound the novel manner they chose for Its ex Tlie night before her reading a mon themselves and try to attract pity and members of the same genus. Indeed. "Mount!” and Instantly 5,000 plumes pression. ster reception was held, at which some syin|>athy from others. Unconsciously It to from this same wild crabapple rise above tho horses as the riders In those days Cheshire was famous 5,000 women were ln attendance, and by detailing and dwelling upon tbelr that the whole of the 700 odd existing spring Into their saddles. In front of for three things—its exceptionally tine scattered among them not more than symptoms they re-enforce the first sini varieties of apples have been raised. the respective squadrons the daring dairying interests and products, the Technically speaking, too, the pear a dozen men. Mrs. Bogue stood in the pic suggestions of Illness by a whole leaders take tbelr places. The flutter well nigh anlversai adhesion of the receiving line next to the president of army of thoughts and fears and images to an apple, and so are the medlar and ing i*ennants or streaming guidons, ten voting |K>pulation to the Democratic the federation. When the affair was of disease until they are unfitted to de the mountrln ash, which latter to not to each regiment mark the left of the party and Elder John Leland, an able, an ash at all. al »nit half over her husband, strolling a day's work In their homes or offices. companies. On the opposite slope of eccentric and witty Baptist divine, Is n turnip a cabbage? Yes, one va There Is greater danger that young forlornly through the room, felt Ida the same plain are 5,000 hostile horse whose fame to a part of the history of riety at least of it to. This to the queer girls who are delicate while growing hand grasped by another man, who men clad In different uniforms ready to Cheshire. Elder Leland and most of up and lounge around the house and Ito vegetable known as kohlrabi, which, said to him: meet these In countercharge. Under the other people of the town were ar “Is yonr wife a club woman? Mine down whenever they feel the least bit although classed by scientists among those 10,000 horses are their hoofs, Iron dent admirers of Thomas Jefferson, out of sorts will form a habit of inva the Brassica, or cabbage, family, has is, and that’s why I’m here.” s I km I and pitiless, beneath whose furi and when he was elected president of huge roots Just like a turnip. Mr. Bogue replied that hto wife was lidism when they reach maturity. ous tread the plain to soon to quiver. the United States their Joy was un The cucumber to really a fruit and How often do we see such girls not, and, vouchsafing no further in bounded. It was finally decided that Again on each slope of the open field not a vegetable. The same remark ap “ brace up ” at once when anything hap formation, the stranger continued: the bugles sound. Ten thousand «alters it would be proper to give to tlieir es “Can you tell me if that is the row pens which interests or excites them! plies to the tomato, which to really a leap from scabbards and glisten tn the teem a tangible expression in the form An invitation to a reception or a ball or fruit also. of lionesses up there?” sun. The trnln«>d horses chafe their re of a mammoth cheese, which should The gooseberry is a currant. It to not any other pleasant social function acts “Yes.” straining bits, and as the bugle notes show to the president the quality of like a tonic. For the time being an In the least like it in either appearance or “Which to the royal Bengal?" sound the charge their nostrils dilate 'their material resources and something “TL. one standing next to the presi stantaneous cure is effected. They art flavor, yet both belong to the same and their flanks swell ln sympathetic of the extent of their admiration for as well as anybody until after the en family of Rlbcs. dent." repltod Mr. Bogue. impulse with the dashing riders. "For 'hint. The onion to a charming little flower, They chatted there for a moment or tertainment. The announcement of this plan wai ward!" shouts the commander. Down Indulgent mothers are frequently to its various species bearing white, yel two ldnger, drawn together by tlie the lines and through the columns ln knade by Elder Leland from his pulpit sympathy of castaways. As they sepa blame for this physical and mental lazl low, blue and rose colored blossoms, quick succession ring the echoing com one Sunday morning and was received A Loa* Dance. nees, for it is nothing more, on the part many produced ln beautiful drooping mands, “Forward, forward!" As this with pleasure by the people. July 20, William Kemp, an English comic ac rated the stranger once more shook of their daughters. A lounge or sofa 1s clusters. Originally the onion was a Smoke Parthln*«. hands wltli Mr. Bogue. “ You needn't order thrills through eager ears sabers 1801, was the date set for the making Rmoke farthings were offerings paid tor who flourished during the last years ask my name,” he said. “I’m only a positive curse ln many a home, be flowering plant, but the cultivation of flash and spurs are planted in palpitat {of the cheese, and the plan was to have ln olden days ln Englund at Whitsun of Queen Elizabeth and who belonged known as a dull husband, but I would cause it Is such a temptation to He certain of Its varieties has produc«-d the ing flanks. The madly flying horses all the owners of cows in the town, tide to the priest, according to the num to the same company as Shakespeare like to know If your wife Is not a club down and succumb to trifling sugges now world famous vegetable. thunder across the trembling field, fill with the exception of the few federal When to a chestnut not a chestnut? and “created” Dogberry, danced from tlons of illness or the least Indtoposl- ing the air with clouds of dust and lets there were, to make their curd and ber of chimneys in tlie parish. Some Ixmdon to Norwich, a distance of 114 womau how you come to be here.” When it to n horse chestnut. This 1s “Oil,” said Mr. Bogue, “I'm the hus tlon. A habit of giving in wheni-vet another of the curiosities of the class! whizzing pebbles. Their Iron rimmed carry it to a central place for pressing. times these dues were demanded by miles. He was accompanied by a serv you “don't feel like it” is fatal to all hoofs ln remorseless tread crush the Of course there was no cheese press the bishop of the diocese, as an old ant, an umpire and a man with a tabor band of the royal Bengal.” flcation of horticultural nomenclature. achievement and ruinous to self disci stones to powder and crash through the large enough for the pressing of such a mnnuscript records: "The bishop of and pipe. Crowds hindered his start The horse chestnut is JEsculus, and the Elie hath out of everie parish ln Cam Readln* Barrett'« Head. pline, self poise and nobility and dig flesh and bones of hapless riders who Eheese as was proposed, and Ellslin other kind Castanea.—Stray Stories. on Feb. 11, WOO. and many inet him at bridgeshire n certain tribute called Lawrence Barrett went Into a place nity of bearing. chance to fall. As front against front frown’s elder press was consequently smoke farthings, which tl* church every place. Several tried to dance in Frisco to get shaved, and the bar these furious riders plunge, their sweep elected for the work. with him, but none could rival hto pace. ber was very talkative. He told Bar ANIMAL SWIMMERS. wardens do levie according to the num ing sabers slashing edge against edge, When the day eame for making the THE AURORA BOREALIS. The most successful were women. Al rett that lie could read a man's occu cutting a way through opposing ranks, cheese the people gathered from nil ber of chimneys that be ln a parish.” We learn from Notes and Queries though delayed by a snowstorm, he did pation by the sha|>e of Ills head and the A Spectacle That 1« Ma*al*eeat la The Sqairrel la Very Swift Bad «he gashing faces, breaking arms and split parts of the town. Those who had curd Rabbit la Oddly Awkward. It« lmpresaiveae««. that Peter's pence or smoke money It in nine days, and on the way accept texture of his skin, and all that. ting heads, It to a scene of wildest war, Ito contribute brought it with them. Almost all animals know how to ed a challenge or two. each time coin SlX- was still paid at the end of the It was a trifle past the afterglow o ’ a whirling tempest of battle, short tome In large quantities and some in Ing off ls*st, except when a Chelmsford sunset, and the sea was a deep rich swim without having to leant it. As Hved, but terrible.—General John B. mall, but all extremely proud to «xm- teentb century ln many English par- maiden of fourteen danced till lie w.is I purple, wltli long flowing swells. The soon as they fall Into the water or nre tribute to the monster cheese that was tabes. Gordon ln Scribner's. Similar to this was a chimney tax ‘ready to He down.” On Ills return lie sky. a fine light turquoise blue at ho driven Into It they Instinctively make •to be sent to the president. Besides lie- wrote an account of it, which ends levied from time to time to raise funds. rizon. gradually deepened into a rich the proper motions and not only man png a busy day it was also a gain day HAPPY HITS. with a warning to those- with whom lie This was most obnoxious to the people, cobalt, In which a few stars twinkl d age to keep afloat, but propel them for tlie inhabitants of Cheshire. The hud made wagers that If they did not and I ’ epys ln hto diary notes, “ Much A majority of the men were absorlied selves without trouble. Don’t open a set of account books rarmers and their wives and families Exceptions are the monkey, the cam pay up he would publish their names. clamor against chimney money, and In various occupations below when a when you do a kindness for anybody. turned out cn masse to witness the con The "Nine Dales' Wonder,” as the title call of enthusiasm brought all un on el, giraffe and llama, which cannot Advantages always look larger than struction of what proved to be tlie the people say they will not pay it runs, to a merry, readable pamphlet. deck. At a point low on the southwest swim without assistance. Camels and disadvantages, even when the scales most famous cheese In all history, for. without force.” It was abolished In Among other curious Information in It the reign of William and Mary. horizon a faint film had arisen, which llamas have to lie helped across water, though a still larger cheese was made are balanced. 1« the statement that the customary quickly, silently assumed the form of a and giraffes and monkeys drown If Don’t marry money. You can spend In the towai at a later date, this was A b Auction Incident. way to deal wltli pickpockets at the curtain, waving and mounting upward they enter it. Now and then both of the money, but you can’t spend the the president's cheese, and the great A Japanese vase had been brought theater ln those days was to tie them in two stutely columns past a group of the latter species manage to cros< wa Elder Leland, who ln the estimation ot forward, and a German ln the crowd to a post. trouble you may get with it. finely shapeil clrrostratus. In a few terways when they are driven to ex 'the people of Cheshire was second in Somehow when a brother and sister offered *2. A second bld not being seconds it was across the zenith, dis tremities, Just as human beings occa importance only to President Jefferson quarrel it comes nearer to what n man No Lan*oa*e of Their Own. heard the vase was withdrawn, the playing beautiful pale yellows, green* sionally can keep themselves atiove wa himself, was leading and directing the auctioneer stating that he could not and wife say than any other thing. Among the peoples of the world the and delicate pink and blue lights, with ter through sheer fright. Occasionally you know a man you enterprise. Most of those present were sell on one bld. Swiss are alone in having no language A funny though able swimmer is the edgings at intervals of faint purple a::d can't help admiring, bnt who Is such a arraye«! In their Sunday best, though rabbit. He submerges bis body with "Now. ladles and gentlemen,” the they can call their own. According to rid. The columns descended rapidly in the women who superintended the mix fool that you want to beat him to auctioneer cried out, spreading n large a recent visitor to the little country, ever varying spirals of perspective un the exception of bend and tall. The ing of the curd were obliged to wear rqg on tlie floor, "here to a piece of about three-fourths of the people of death. til the avant gurde was lost behind tlie latter sticks away up Into the air, and protecting aprons. Somehow a scrambled egg reminds his hind legs make “soup suds” us be goods worth *(10. Do I hear *50? Do Switzerland speak German, while the far northwest horizon. The hoop ln which the cheese was I hear *40?” us of a failure. The cook didn't get the remalader divide four other language* churns the water madly to get away. We were aliout off the Danish port of egg out whole, so she scrambled It. bressed was made for the occasion. It “Ten dollars,” shouted the German among them, mainly French and Godthaab. Greenland, a sufficiently But with all Ills awkwardness be is a Some people make scrambled eggs of was four feet in diameter and eighteen who had bld on the vase. Ian, the languages varying as a southern latitude nt this season for the swift swimmer and is only beaten by Inches deep and was secured with half they do. "Ten dollars—gone! Sold to my according to the proximity of the alternation of day and night, and as the the squirrel among the land animals. When a man's folks are away and strong bands of iron to euable It to friend there,” the auctioneer replied. pie to each country whose tongue The squirrel swims with bls heavy heavens darkened the stars shon • wl b Stand the pressure. When all of the speak. Public documents and notices he goes to a restaurant to eat it seems tall sunk away down ln the water and Jotting down the price on a pad. increasing brightness through this pretty tough to pay 35 cents for a meal. L-urd had been mixed and salted it was his bead held high. He cleaves the “Hold on a minute,” cried out the are printed In both French and Ger groat shimmering veil of light. At home he doesn't realize that be 1« placed in tills hoop, a follower wlilcb purchaser, “you can’t si’ll on vuu pld.” man. The heavens und the sea grew darker waves liko a duck, and a man ln a row- Iliad also been made especially for the “ AAST, ” RAID THE BAllBEH. paying anything.—Atchison Globe. In the Swiss congress, or national “Oh, that’s optional with the auc and darker, and the aurora brighter boat has all he can do to keep abreast •purpose was placed upon it, and the tioneer.” stammered out the former. parliament, the members make their a word from Barrett Finally the bar and brighter in lightning changes of of the swimming squirrel. •ponderous wooden screws of the old The Revolution In n Nutshell. One thing that none of the land living “Veil, den.” the German called back, speeches either ln French or German, ber offered to bet that the man he bad The following contribution to historic k’lder mill were turned down on the with n parting nod, "keep your rug if for nearly all the memliers understand shaved before Barrett took the chair form and color, with the green and yel animals does is to dive. No matter hc.w low and blue rays predominating nn.l literature on the American Revolution most precious body they had ever com- Its obtlonal on a rug und unobtional on both languages. The orders of the pres was a Justice of the supreme court, and tho delicate sheen from the aurora's hard pressed a swimming deer, rabbit, was made by a little lady to a short sto (pressed. After all was done a hymn a vase.”—New York Post. ident are translated by an official In he proved that he was by the testi light writhing In fiery serpent forms squirrel or other purely terrvstriul ani ry competition in a Philadelphia news lllned off t»y Elder Leland was sung by mony of the other barbers. terpreter and furnished to the newspa over the face of the moving waters. mal may be it will remain above wa paper. Tho writer, a schoolgirl of ten ftlie assemblage, and the people sepa That was tpo much for Barrett. He Broke it to Him Gentlr. pers In both languages. ter. But the muskrat beaver, lee bear rated for their homes, highly satisfied years, epitomizes the whole Valley said, "Possibly you can tell me what What Impressiveness, what magnlfl and otter dive Immediately. A north Missouri editor received a cence! It held the soul as In a «i*ell. [with and very proud of their day's Forge experience ln the following terse my calling to?” note the other day telling him that one Cerlosltlen of Color. [work. Rome days after it was mad” of bls subscribers was dead and ask sentences: Judged by Hi« Voice. “Easy,” said the barber, examining There was not much bilking. Rplendld After any severe shock you will b ■ "There was a Revolutionary war. The the cheese was taken to Captain Dan ing that hto paper be discontinued. A very likely to find that you have be the head and chin and cheeks of Bar as it was. I afterward witnessed auro One day Sir Algernon West, a well ras which produced a deeper Impres known member of parliament from British revojutioned Philadelphia. So Sei Brown's cheese house to be cured. few days later the editor met the "de come temporarily color blind. rett. sion, due doubtless to the presence ot London, was observed by one of tho Mr. Washington took a lot of soldiers Ilts weight one month from the time it ceased” subscriber on the street and “Well, what to it?” Inquired Barrett. Your perception of green light ha i to Valley Forge. Mr. Washington was pressed was 1,235 pounds. Tlie told him nlsTUt the note. “I wrote probably gone, at least partially. White The barber put the actor’s head back the long night of the far north.—Ceu doorkeepers talking to a gentleman tury. baden’t eny thing for the soldiers to •moving of the cheese from the cider that note myself,” returned the sub objects will then appear to you of a on the rest and quickly said: who hud a rasping, raucous voice and a eat, so they had to go barefoot. Mr. press to Captain Brown's was made n scriber. "What for?” asked the editor. reddish purple and green objects to lie demonstrative, excited manner. While "Shoe store.” SCIENCE SIFTINGS. Washington felt very bad, so be asked [great occasion. The people turned out “Well, I wanted to stop yer paper,” very much duller in hue than ordi the conversation was ln progress Sir One can readily Imagine the result Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin Frank again, and the cheese was followed by said the subscriber candidly, “an’, narily. Algernon received the card of another in the case of the dignified trag«-dlan. The chemical forces are nearer akin lin felt bad. to, so he asked the king of u big procession. Moses Wolcott, who knowin’ how bad you need the money, memlier of parliament and an intimu- Any one can make himself or herself to tlie vital forces than to the physical France. The king of France sent a lot kept tlie “tavern,” gave a feast to all I didn't have the heart to come right temporarily color blind by wenring a Why He <'han*ed the Order. tion that its owner wished to see him. forces. present and thereby linked hto name to out an’ do it. So I Jes' wrote you the of soldiers, bo we licked the British.” “Honest John” Kelly tells this story "Sorry; I'm engaged,” was the answer. pair of ruby red glasses. The prolonged A body weighing one pouud on earth this part of the town's history. note about bein’ dead. You wouldn't action of red light on the eyes ends by on himself: He was in an uptown cafe would weigh twenty-seven and a half Next moment up came another card The following Decemlier the great send a paper to n corpse, would you?” tiring out the nerves which receive red much frequented by sporting men when A F* bo >« Bell. from a well known peer. Aguin an pounds upon the sun. One of the biggest bells in the world cheese was sent to Washington in —Kansas City Star. light. Consequently when the glasses a somewhat unsuccessful pugilist en The mechanical force of the sound apology was returned. In another min Is In Cologne cathedral and to known ¡charge of Elder Leland and Darius are at last removed a rainbow appears tered. The newcomer nodded to Kelly emitted from 5,000,000 to 10.000,000 ute the doorkeeper came crrrylng a as the "Glorloaa.” It was cast from S¡Brown. There were no railroads In An Odd Bequest. to have only two colors—yellow and and said: cornets would equal but one horse huge card and saying that the lord twenty-two French cannou captured in hose days, and it was drawn on a sled The following is one of the oddest be blue. mayor and sheriffs of London wished “Your face to pretty familiar. power. the Franco-l'russlan war and was pre o Hudson, N. Y„ and shipped from quests ever recorded In a last testa very urgently to see Sir Algernon. The Haven't I met you before?” The highest speed which matter lias sented to the cathedral by the kaiser. Ithere by water. The presentation of ment. It appeared in the will of a latter excused himself from the gentle “Yes, we met once,” replied Kelly. Self Convicted. l>een known to reach to that nttalmxl It bears the German arms and two In the cheese to the president was an Bristol mariner proved ln 1705. The man with whom be was conversing. “I never forget a face,” said the fight “Say, pa.” queried small Bobby. acriptlous. One, in Latin, expresses the [event of moment ln Washington. Ths old gentleman ordered his executors to “what Is gossiping, anyway Y’ er gleefully. “Bartender, two Scotch by the eruption of hydrogen and other This was , too Important to resist. gust s from the sun. which to at times “There ain’t nobody here,” whispered emperor's gratitude for the divine mer ¡presentation was mnde at the White “pay out of the first moneys collected, “Gossiping, my son.” replied the old high balls.” cy in granting him victory. The other, House In the presence of the cabinet, to my beloved wife, if living. 1 shil man. "If we get right down to the the doorkeeper when be got the mem The pugilist and Kelly moved up to several hundred miles a second. The stnr Sirius, which is shown to be ber outside, “only I was afraid a mad in German, declares: “I am the emper [foreign diplomats and other notable«. ling, which I have given as a token of plain, unvarnished facts, to lying. But the bar, and the former continued: about double the size of our sun, emits man bad been shown in to you by mis or's bell, and I proclaim hto glory. I Elder Leland serving as spokesman my love, that she may buy hazelnuts, why did you ask?” "Where was it we met anyhow?" fill a sacred post, and I pray heaven to tmd assuring the president ln suitable as I know ibat she to better pleased “At a fight In Chicago,” replied Kel from forty to sixty fold more light than take, and I wanted to warn you.” “Because,” answered the young In grant peace and prosperity to the Ger erms of the great esteem In which he with cracking them than she to with vestigator, “ma says you do a lot of ly. “I wns referee, and I was obliged to the sun owing to its matter lK>iug much more diffused. man empire.” Was held by the people from whom the ment^ng the boles in her stockings.” ArlaBBB SaaahlB«. gossiping every time your business decide the fight against you.” Two hundred and eighty stars north gift had come.—Springfield Republican. “Barkeeper," roared the fighter, To one who has been there, says Cas keeps you late at the office. ” — Ex Reciprocity. Wan«« and Wi«hea. "mnke those two high balls one and put of —20 declension have a velocity par W. Hodgson in Sunset Magazine, change. “Sure,” said Patrick, robbing hto The Cesler or Ob«ervatloB. "There's a strange man at the door, It in front of me!”—Detroit News Trib through space of twenty miles per sec the name Arizona, first of all, suggests head with delight at the prospect of n "8ay, paw, was you ever the cynosure sir,” announced the new servant from ond. The speed of our solar system 1« sunshine and plenty of ft. Nowhere on Her Performance. une. present, "I always mane to do me jof all eyes?” but 12 4 miles per second. Boston. Bellows—Does yonr daughter play on the globe to sunshine more abundant, duty.” “Yes; the other day when I went run- He Took the Wbippin*. The most delicate scale to made by more appreciated or more harmless. In "What does lie want?" asked the the piano? "I believe you,” repltod hto employer, ining down the middle of the street aft master of the house impatiently. - Mark Twain thus tells the story of fixing one end of a fine thread of glass. deed, a sunstroke has never been re Old Farmer (in tones of deep disgust) "and therefore I shall make you a pre<- er my bat I'll bet there wasn’t a man. "Bogging your pardon, sir,” replied —No, sir. She works on it. pounds on the first money he ever earned: “I have , The atom to tie weighed to placed nt the corded in this territory. Though all ent of all you have stolen from me dur woman or child ln town who wasn't the servant, a shade of disapproval It, rakes It, scrapes it. Jumps on it and a distinct recollection of it. When I free end and tlie degree of the bend ng good Arizonians have crossed the Has- ing the year.” ^herc looking at me.”—Chicago Record. manifest In hl« voice, -he wants a bath, rolls over on It, bnt there'» no play was a youngster I attended school at of __________________________________ the thread under It noted. This has sayampn river, which act, according "Thank yer honor.” replied Put. "and Herald. a place where the u»e of the birch rod m be douc under a glass which magnl to tradition, divests one of the power but what he is asking for to something about it, str. may all your friends and acquaint was not an unusual event. It was fle» a hundred times, to tell the truth, I believe their records to eat.”-Syracuse Herald. Ceaeelt of Modern Life. ances trats you as liberally.”—London against the rules to mark the desks in are accurate as to sunstroke. The ex L'aappreelate*. 1 The conceit of modern life to self cen Tetogrsph. Caaaulatorg, bat Net Hrlptal. The Lawyer's Rai«. planation to found In the fact that bent “Do you believe,” «aid the lady with any manner, the penalty being a fine tered «Imo»’ wholly. Our purposes If “De licit w!’I hzvo a hard time giftin' the sear and yellow, "that the good dli of *5 or a public chastisement. Hap "Ever since beginning the practice of to not so much a matter of thermome defined leave only the most selfish and Vaweleome Advlee. pening to Violate the rule on one occa law,” said a Detroit lawyer, who beg ter as of humidity. Inter heaven.” young?” Fortune Teller (to gayly dressed glrli artificial basis. Men and women by “Yes,” said Brother Williams, “dat's "How could I?" exclaimed the flat sion, I was offered the alternative. 1 ged that his name be suppress«*d. “I The dry, hot air of the Arizona desert countless thousands are steering their —Your buabaud will be a poor mnu- a comfortin' thought; but It don't help terer. “How could I, and yon so good told my father, and as he seemed to have made it n rule not to take case« to invigorating to the Initiated. Ono cun lives without compass or definite guide. nnleas— think it would be too bad for me to in which I could not promise my client learn to lo>’e the desert. There the sun de po’ man when rent's due!”—Atlanta -er-that to”- —Pittsburg Gazette. Malden (eagerly)—Unless what? be publicly punished he gave me the *.’>. I a percentage of gain over my fees. One rises and sunsets are intensely beauti Constitution. "Slr!”—Baltimore News. "Yon dress more economically after At that period of my existence *5 was day not long ago a business man came ful and nowhere on earth richer in col 1« erdaasaaakl*. mnrrlage than you do now.”—Ixiudon Vala, a large sum, while a whipping wns of to me with a request to sue a debtor. or. This to sometimes called Sunset A tola Refusal. “ The lieutenant to an expert swords I Tit-Bits. "Did you find the Chinese a vain Willi*-This 1« an excellent picture little consequence, anil so” (here the I found It would coat far more than Land. It might also be called Land of man. I am told.” people Y ’ humorist reflectively knocked the ashes >f you. Miss Marie. I wish I owned could be recovered and told him so. He Sunrise.—Sunset Magazine. “Oh, very! I don't believe there to a Deliberate with caution, but act wltli dance which he can’t dance with hl» "Very. To hear a Chinese brag yon the original. from hto cigar), “well," he finally add- : was indignant and left vowing to get decision; yield with graciousness or op sword on.”—Detroit Free Press. could almost believe an American was Marie—You may have the negative.- ed, “that was bow I earned my first a lawyer to press the case regardless of Coatrel Tear Thoa*a<«. pose with firmness. *5.” talking.”—Detroit Free Press. en»enscs. In the firm control of our thoughts Trad aad Nat a Toad. Wka« a Relief. "A few weeks later be came to me Iles the secret of the most wonderful «rreSIHt rm»H. One of the queerest reptiles In tlu* Broken Laa*wa*e. Every man's task to his life preserver "Who's there?" called the poet. again. 'Well,' said he, 'I took your ad possession of which we can boast— Bertie— I don't waht to go to bed ye', world Is the horned toad of Arizona. Little Bobby — Say, pop! —Emerson. “I am tho wolf at the door,” came the sis. I want to see yon and Mr. Shop In the first place, though It k> >k« like n vice ami saved *250 by It. Now. I want [ character. It to quite as much a matter Father—Well. well, what to it now? •Ire reply. you to take charge of all legal matters ' of habit as of will, this being bonora- herd play cards. % toad and to so ealtod. It isn't a toed nt N«t a tfadvat vf Farm. Little Bobby—If a Chinaman speaks "Come In. come In!” cried the poet. Lucie—You wicked boy to think w all, but a lizard. It Ilves nowhere sive broken English would a white man ■ nffcctlng the Blank corporation. Yonr ! ble, truthful. Just; having formed our Teacher—Willie, If one horse can run I retainer will be *2.000 per year.' I took “ I thought at flnit you might be a man should do such a thing! We never d > it In the desert and feeds on hard shelled a mite In two minutes and another speak broken china? (Exit Bobby to It, it to needless to say.”—Detroit News. principles of right living, conscience In variably points to a whole hearted loy- Bertie—Bnt I heard mamma tell yo beetles and other Insects. horse can do It ln three minutes how with a bill.”—Philadelphia Ledger. bed.)—Minneapolis Times. I Ity to them. And when baser motives to mind bow you played your car. ; One of the oddest things about tie far apart will they be at tlie eml of No« Char*«*. A* ■**•*«!•*. ¿lead, why, here to Just where your will when Mr. Shepherd came! creature to Its way of fighting. Two eight miles? Srsaeathy. “ Pardon me. 1 said the smiling cn- “Do yau believe.” asked young Dndc .siwer nuiy profit by exercise. horned toads will meet and fight like Willie—Madam, I was brought up lelgh. who Is only five feet tall, “that Missionary-Our situation was so re tomer. “but to this mineral wate - No Wonaler. bulla by butting, not apparently with strictly. Above all things, my parent« brevity to the soul of wit?” She— My parrot says some awfully any notion of killing each other, but mote that for a whole year my wife charged F A penoi who cannot argue Is like a have warned me to avoid horse racing "Not ki your case,“ replied Miss Blf elever things. “Not say.” replied the fair girl at the person who cannot chew. He swallows each trying to turn Its adversary over never saw a white face but my own. Consequently I cannot answer yonr flngtou In a tone redolent with acri Sympathetic Young Woman — Ob, poor counter. "You pay the cashier." - Ila! tie Ami who taught It to talk? The toad that to finally upset goes thing! the facts of life unprepared for diges question —Toledo Blade. mony. timore News. Rhe Oh. I did. % away humiliated and hides himself. tion. - Philadelphia Presa. A TEMPE8T OF BATTLE.
