■ u' “Father Put." he’d say. “I hope
ye're glvlu' my gray mare all the at
tention ye should.” "Ocb. uiver mind,
nlver mind. Rody.” Father Pat ’udsay;
"the year isu’t up yet.
It’s yerself
bad better take good care h my »put
led springer
Mind. I'm wurnln' ye.”
...By StLMAS MACMANUS : But. aeh. Body would break bis hearty
laugh iu at the foolishness iv the
priest.
1 Copyright. ItMC, by beuuiu MacMauu« .<
Well, the twe.’mouth seemed long
pausin’ to Rody till he’d humiliate Fa
ORNEY H1GARTY, the pen ther Pat. But the longest Iv time» ’ll
■loner, was au inveterate old puss some time, an’ the longest iv «to
bachelor — or, »till worae, • rles ’ll some time have an end. An'
misogynist — himself and had Body’s year, too. wore round at last
It come to the last day Iv It, an' on
many sarcastic tilings to »ay at till the
women’» ex|*en»e. When the neighbor» tbat very evenin’ Itody met Father Pat
gathered around the lire in Ida little at a neighbor’s funeral.
"Well?" says Rody.
caLln on winter night» and Toalua Gal
“Well?” says Father Pat.
lagher led off a general assault upon
“What time will I be sendin' a gar-
old bachelor«, Corney’a biting wit
flowed freely in return; but when hla sun over for the mare the morra?" says
a»»ullauta by dint of their number» and Rods.
"Aha.” says the priest, “I see it’s
persistence drove him back from cover
to cover Corney eventually fell back always "too sure, too loose.’ with you,
upon hla grand and unassailable poal- Rody. It Isn’t 12 o'clock the morra
tlou and mude au effective stand upon yet.”
"God look to yer wit, yer reverence!"
bl» »tary of "The Parvarted Bache
says Body. “Ye’re the dbrowndln' man
lor
In them day«, or thereabouts, when catcbln* at a very thin stbraw.”
“Rody McGinn," says Father Pat,
me grau’fatber’s great-gran'father was
"there was a glntleman kilt another
a youngster, there was a chap lived In
the neighborhood of Dublin named man In anger some days ago—kilt him
Body, that the neighbor» called Body dead. Au’ that glntleman is now un-
the Bachelor liekase, like megelf, he dlier sentence lv death—to be hung out
side Dublin Jail the morra moruln' at
had »mall gradli for the women, an*
bre'kwust time.”
people thought he'd no more marry
“Well?” says Rody.
than he would give hl» head for a foot
"Well,” says the priest, “this 1» a
ball.
greut gintlemun entirely, an’ he has ad
Body was warm au’ well to do, with vart-ist all over the counthry tbat lie’ll
a snug farm an* a thrig bouse, milk
give £50)) to any man that ’ll act a»
cows an’ dliry cattle galore. He was
substitute for him an’ get hung in bls
as happy as a hedge sparra to all seem
place.”
in’ an’ lived in alse an’ contentment
"Well?" says Rody.
with himself an' the whole wurrl*.
“Very well." say» Father Pat. "We're
Then, when at a wake or a weddin’ er now goin’ to put Una to the final test
some other sort Iv a spree, the neigh
whether or not she like» ye better nor
bors got at Body about why he didn’t ye like yerself. Ye’re to propose to
marry an' take a wife till Jtimself,
get hung In this gintieman's place »o
Body always laid down hl» docthrlne
a» to get the £500 for Una—an’ then
to them. ’’I'm as happy,” he used to
we’ll see what we'll see."
say. “as the Ixird (thanks be to him!)
"Ha, ha. bn!” laughed Rody. “Ye
cun make me. I have paice, grace an’
poor, foolish Father Pat, ye! No, nor
content, an’ what more does a man If It was fifty times £500 she would get
need? Them that take» a woman takes
be It. Una wouldn't listen fur wan
tlirouble, an’ them that marries makes minute tu such a purposul.”
worry for themselves. Ye often enough
“Never mind, never mind,” »ays Fa
say yerselves, ‘No cow, no care.’ an’ I ther Pat, says he. smilin' such a con
say, ’No woman, no woe.’ If 1 got the
fident smile as angered Rody out an*
best woman in the wurrl’, she couldn't
out. "Never mind,” says be. "Ye do
like me better nor 1 like meself. So, are ye’re bld—an’ we’ll see what we’ll
all things consldhered. It seems to me
see.”
that It’s 1 am the wisest man lv the
“I'll make the purposul,” says Rody,
lot Iv ye to keep meself happy when 1 “an’ yer reverence'll be re«i>oii»ible If
feel meself so.” An’ thnt was time an’
Una faints or tiles Iv heart dlsalse.”
again the burden Iv Body the Bache
"1'11 be responsible,” says Father Pat,
lor’s soug.
says lie. laughin', "If Unu faints or
But, sirs, wondhers ’ll uever cease. dies It lieart dlsalse, an’ I'll put over
There was a slip Iv a black eyed gls- her a monument higher nor the church
such (girl), wau Iv the neighbors' daugh steeple, an' I'll inscribe It. 'Here lies
ters. come to milk the cows luoruin' the strangest woman ever lived—a wo
an’ evenin’ for Body wan time bls man who loved her man better nor be
bund tuk bud with the whittle an’ be loved himself.’”
couldn’t milk himself. An’ Una—she
That night as Rody an' Una sat
was named Una she used to »Ing “Au across the tire afther their supper,
calllu dheus crulte na m-bo” (’’The I’ur- Rody smokin' an’ Una sewin’ u patch
ty <Jirl Milkin’ the Cow’’) to keep the on un oitl' coat iv bls. Rody »ays;
cow quate while she milked her, an’
"Una. there's a glntleman te be hung
Body would be standin' be the cow's the morra mornin’ for killin' another.”
head scratchln’ Brawny’s neck to keep
“Poor dlvll!” says Una. “May the
her quate likewise. But be the time Ixird have marcy on ’Im!”
Rody’s hand was better Iv the whittle
"An’ he’s advart-lst that he’ll give
be persuaded Una to coutluue coinin'
£500 to any man that offers hltnself to
to milk beknse that the cows milked
get hung In his stead.” says Rody.
- better, be found, to a woman, an’ Una,
without much persuasion, consented.
An’ the neighbors they all sayed, "Aye,
aye!” when they beerd this. So for
the length Iv a long summer Una she
milked away an' sung away, while
Body the Bachelor was gettln’ more
silent an' thoughtful an’ less light
hearted day be day till at length It
wns plain to be seeu as the bill Iv Bin
ban that an callln dheus crulte ng m-bo
was siugln* away the heart out lv him.
So it didn't by no means come Jike a
thunderclap when the news went
roun’ that Body had discovered his
cows wouldn't give the milk till any
wan but Una. since she had made on
them go, an' that he decided he'd have
to murry her so he'd have her to milk
always.
An’ married they wor. too. an’ had a
martial great weddin’ entirely, at
which poor Body bad to. stand bls owu
share In sconcin’ about bls suddlnt
change, him that was so sore again' al)
womeuklud. An* In right good part
Rudy tuk It all. He sayed there never
was no rule since the worrl’ begun that
hadn't an exception, an’ bls Una was
a'most the only wan exception to the
doethrlnes be used to lay down.
Father Pat was wan Iv them that
“Ziodp. I’ll not tee ye batt.’’
used to have the greatest passages
with Body about not marryln', an' bls heart if he lias a particle Iv »enae
be was now helpin’, as bard as be at all, at all. that he’ll get no sueb
could, the nelgbltors to salt him for bis ■ fool In all Irelan' as'll offer to do the
likes Iv tbat If he was given all the
suddlnt change.
"An’ Is It yer belief.” says Father wurrl' for a farm steadin' an' Cora
Pat. “that Una ’ll go as far as ye used veigli for a kitchen garden.”
“Unu." said Rody. "1 have been
to tblnk a woman should afore she’d
be worth takln'; that she likes an' thinkin’ that £500 would make a
mighty nice windfall for ye," an’ Rody
will like ye better nor ye do yerself?”
"My Una.” say a Rody. "sartlnly goes was ready for the spring If he saw any
signs iv Una goin’ to dlirop.
that far That’s why I tuk her.”
"A inlgnty nice windfall. Indeed."
"Whew-ew -ew!” says Father Pat
says Una. with a smile. “But bow
that wuy.
"Father Pat.” says Rody. "ye may could tile likes Iv me come by It?"
whistle or do as ye plalse. but It’s SO.”
"If." say» Rody. breaklti' it gently
Father Pat looked bard at Rody for ■till. "I give mesjdf to be hung in bls
a minute to see was be rallly so far place."
Una dbropped the needle from her
gone entirely as to believe that “An’,
Rody,” says be, "do ye rallly believe fingers an' »at up with a start. "What!”
■ays »tic.
itr* -
It was goin* to be the dlvll's own
"May I nlver alt the bread In corn if
I am n't »«rtln iv what I say.” says sore tlirlal upon |>oor Una's moves
but Rody had to go through with It.
Rody.
"Una.” says be. "£500 'ml mnne so
“Ye’re a dale foollstier man than I
thought ye,” says Father I’at "Would much to ye that I’W bwn tlnnkm'
ye mind puttin’ a little bait (bet) on It What a mortial nice present it 'ud be
that ye’ll be in the same opinion this to make to ye. an’ consequently I'm
day twcl’monthr*
goin' to offer meself to lie hung In the
"PH lailt ye.” says Rody, "me apot
gintleitian's place.”
ted springer again’ yer oitl* gray mare
"Arrah," says Una, gettln’ up an’
—an* that's long odds—that me opinion tbrowln' her arms aroun’ bls neck.
Isn’t altbered this day twel’montb.”
"Arrah. Rody, Rody, me own darlin*
"Done." says Father Pat "An’ you», Rixl.v, It's the Jewel Iv a man ye are!
boys, are all witnesses Iv this.”
I loved ye with all the veins In me
Rody promised Father Pat faithfully heart afore, but now I love ye ten
to keep the thranaactlou a deep sal
times more. Roily,” says she, "have
cret from Una. All' so he did. Rody ye sent In yer offer yet?”
was In the height Iv good humor over
Rody said. “No.”
it for that he felt so sartln Iv I'na'a
"Then. Rody. pulse lv me heart,”
love for him. an' so sartln. too. that it •ays she. "get Into yer coat an’ don't
would last ■« It was not for wan let the grass grow undher yer heel»
twel’montb or fifteen, but for flfty-flvt till ye're at the Jail. Here ye are.”
twel'moutha If God ’nd only spars says she. lifting his coat from thi peg
an' shovin' It on him.
them that long.
"Una. Una." says Rody, an’ the poor.
An’, sure enough, the second month
they wor married Una sartlnly seemed I«ior feller near crylti’—“Una,” says he.
to t>e fonder Iv Rody than she was th« "It's dark an' It's damp an’ It’ll be
first, an’ the month after she was time enough to give In me offer be the
fonder Iv hint than the other two put mornin’.”
"Time enough.” nays »be. shovin’ hint
together. Au' so It went on month
after month, Una seemingly gettln' out Iv the dear; "time enough lost tbe
If ye wait till mornin', aonie
fonder Iv Rody an’ Rody prouder lv scone
Una every new day tbat come. An' >ther mnn’l! have tbe foreway In ye.
•very time Body *ud meet Father Pat tlod bless ye now,” nays she, "an* run
be d have a hearty laugh at the priest. as If there was ten dlvll» afther ye.”
“THt PARVARTED
i BACHELOR”
C
When lludy got t>ack. she bad a fin*
w..i*d »upper for him. "An’ ye uiu»t
go to yer bed as soon as ye ait it.
Body.” say» »be. "ao tbat ye’ll be fit
to rise In good time. It 'ud be a downy
poor thing entirely if I was to lose
£500 by yer sJeeptn’ a few minutes
longer uor ye should In tbe moruln’.*’
“I have beeu tbinkin',” say» Rody.
"as 1 come back, tblukin’ tbat, afther
ull. I'm afeerd I can't get bung the
morra.”
“For why, Rody McGiun?” says Una.
amazed.
“Just,” says Rody, "bekase I haven’t
such a thing as a linen sblrt, an' I
wouldn't take all tbe land ye could see
from tbe top Iv Carnaween an’ go
afore tbe audleuce’ll be gather d there
from far an' near au' get bung iu an’
oul' wooleu shirt like this. None iv me
family ever got hung in a woolen »blrt.
un’ It’ll not be upcast to me tbat I was
the first to disgrace me family.”
Unu waited to »ay nlver a word, only
threw tbe shawl about her bead an’
run out. She was back In short time
an’ threw a tine white linen shirt upon
the table. "Body,” says she, “nlver
fear me. I'll not see ye bait.”
“For the love iv heaven,” says he.
“Una. where did ye git that?”
“On tlie priest’s hedge.” says she.
“It's a case of ueedcee»ity, an’ tbe divll
a »In it Is, even if he is tbe priest.
Body.” »ays she. "Trust me to see ye
through till» business with credit.”
Poor Roily »book bls head sadly, but
another bright thought struck him.
••I'm reuiluilwrin’ now,” »avs be. "1
owe twelve an’ sixpence to Tom Ho
gan, an' I couldn't go out Iv the wurrl’
with that on me sowl.”
“Borrow It off wau Iv tbe neighbors
an’ pay him.” »ays Una.
"Peuts. woman.” says Rody, "ye
might as well climb an npple tree to
gntlier wallflowers.
Th** neighbors
hasn't a penny."
“Walt a bit.” says Uua, au’ out she
dashed again with tbe shawl ou her
shoulders an* was back iu small time,
an’ from undher her shawl when she
came back she produced a box an’
tumbled its contents, which were cop
pers. out on the table an’ counted it.
“The Lord's good till us. Rody,” says
she then. "There's 13 »billin'» ay’ 3
ha’pence In It.”
Poor Rody picked up the empty box,
which she bad cast lutll the fire, an’
looked at it. It wa» tbe poor box from
the althar steps.
Poor Rody shook bis head again an'
went off to bed.
But be sayed till himself, “Uua ’ll re
pent yet when she thinks iv herself.”
An’ if he went to bed atself it’s little
tie slep’ tbat uigbt. au' it's still less
he'd get lulve to sleep Iu tbe moruln',
for afore the »creek lv day uie brave
Una was dluniu’ Intll 111» ear that It
was time to get up or he'd be late an’
throw her out Iv her £500.
“Una." «ays be when be got up an’
dhressed himself au’ sat down, “Una.
I’ve been tliluklu’.”
"What have ye been tblnkin’ now?"
says she.
“I have been thinkin’,” says be.
“that If I'd ouly not lie In too big haste
au’ not mind gettln’ bung this time
maybe tliere'd be another glntleman
gettln’ hung afore long who'd offer £1.
000 for ».substitute.”
"Them that breakwusts on hopes ’ll
often go to bed hungry,” says Una.
"an’ a bird in the han’ is worth thir
teen In the hedge,” says she. "Hurry
yerself up.”
“An', moreover," says Rody. »ays he.
“here’s another great debar. If I go,
there '11 be divll a sowl to do a han’s
turn a twilit the house or the farm, an'
all ’111 go to the dogs.”
“Body, darlin’.” says she, “If that’s
all nils ye, make yer min’ alsy. A win
some young widda—though It Is meself
says it—with £500 iu dliry money, not
to mention ut all, nt all, the farm and
farm stock, won’t go long till she get»
a bran’ new man.”
“Oeh, ocb, ocb. ocb. ocb!" says poor
Rody, any» he, broken hearted entire
ly-
An’ at this very point who should
lift the latch an’ walk In but Father
Pat himself.
“Eh. eb?" »ays be. "What are ye
och, ochln’ about. Body?”
"Yer reverence," says Rody. »ays he,
"plalse step out here with me till I
luwse (loose) ye out tbe spotted spring
er."
"An’ so." Gorney Higarty would say.
’an’ so, boys, for a warnin’ 1 always
keep afore me eyes the story Iv Rody
McGlinn. the parvarted bnchelor.”
Frederick tae wrest.
In the course of some military evolu
tions Frederick the Great of Prussia,
Irritated by some mistake of a captain,
ran after him with bis stick In order to
■trike him. Tbe captain ran away.
The next morning the commanding of
ficer refiorted to tbe king that the offi
cer In question, one of the most effi
cient iu the regimeut, bad sent in Ills
paper». "Tell him to come to me,”
said the king. The officer, In great
perturbation, came. “Good morning,
major,” he apostrophized the officer,
wlio was speechless with surprise. "I
wanted to tell you of your promotion,
but you ran so fast I could not catch
you up. Good morning.”
Ai.othct ilme an officer atU-mpted to
get a comrade Into had odor with the
king by telling Ids majesty that be I
was a drunkard. In a subsequent bat
tle the latter’s fitness was conspicuous,
whereas Ids slanderer played a very
|H»ir part. When afterward he defiled
past the king at the head of his reg
iment, bls majesty called out to him in
a voice of thunder, “The sooner you
take to drink the better.”
NEW SHORT STORIES “KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT" THE ( All SICK HORSE BLAIE,
A Maa at St»-«« Laai letluaa.
Captain Wheeler of the British army
relutes ■ story of that class of soldier
commuuly iwiicd tbe "company law
yer," tbe man who is never quite sure
whether he 1» being punished accord
ing tu regulations. One of these men.
be says, weut into musketry camp and
on Haturday evening iuformed the color
sergeunt tbat be could not be made to
attend tbe church service—which in
musketry camp Is conducted by the
senior officer present—because he wai
a Wesleyan. He fully counted on
siwnding the morning in slumber, but
he had met his match in the captain
The camp was about thirteen mile»
from cantonments, so tbe “company
lawyer” was marched in under a stul
wurt corporal to tbe Wesleyan place of
worship and marched out again the
same evening, the rest of tbe company
receiving him with Ironical cheers. The
next Bunday he wanted to attend
church service. "Oh, no,” sahl. tbe cap
tain; “your conviction» were so strong
last week that they must be respect
ed.” And again the “company lawyer”
bud to trudge to and from tbe chapel
The Wood Chopper.
Tbe late Speaker Thomas B. Reed
Hometime» told a story about a furmei
who lived in Falmouth, Me. Next the
highway In one of his cultivated fields
grew un enormous rock maple tree.
One winter day he decided to cut dow n
that tree. As he was very deaf and
also desired to hide his misfortune, he
fell to considering what passersby
would say to him, finally making up a
set of questions and answers for the
emergency. The traveler was to begin
tlie conversation, which was to run
like this:
“So you're cutting the old tree down
ut last?”
"Yes.”
“What are you going to do with it?”
"Sell It for cord wood.”
“How much do you expect to get fo:
It?”
"Six dollars.”
"Isn’t that a pretty good price? It’«
more thun I would give for it.”
“Well, maybe you won’t, but some-
body elxe will.”
He had got well at the Job when
along came a strunger with a stylish
People Who Say Lillie and Delate
Lea» --Get There" Utleaeai.
"Help me to catch him, mister,” said
the »mall boy as be dashed by in pant
ing pursuit of bls Juveuile enemy.
"Keep your mouth shut, aud you’ll
catch him," advised tbe man, and tbe
boy understood In au instant and, un
derstanding. closed hla mouth aud ran
on, easily running dowu the object of
hl» pursuit, who bad beeu running
open mouthed and was soon doubled
up with a stitch in bls side.
There Is a good deal In keeping your
mouth »hut. There are more people In
the world who uever opeu a mouth
without putting a foot Iu it than you
have any idea of. You may be a fool,
but If you keep your mouth shut
who's to know it? Generally you can
size up the fellows who’ll get there,
are getting there or have got there by
tlie way their lower Jaw bangs. You
may occasionally meet a wise man
wandering around with hla mouth
open, but not as a usual thing.
It's wlmt people say and drink chief
ly that cause them to appear before
the police magistrate. If they had
kept their mouths shut, they would
not have said it or drunk it. More fool
ish fish are caught with books in the
mouth than through tbe tall. Tbe fel
low who goes around with his mouth
oiH'ii may catch a few flies In the
ai>erture, but be Isn’t likely to catch
anything very valuable that way. It’s
the fellow who seta bls teeth and con
sequently »huts hla mouth who gets
there.—Toronto Star.
The Cipher.
It has not been definitely established
that zero was in use any earlier than
400 A. I). About this time It was used
in India, and several centuries later
the Arabs began to employ It. Through
the Arabs Its use became known to
Europeans during the twelfth century.
It was not generally adopted in Europe
until several centuries later, notwith
standing it» great advantages. For a
considerable time there were two par
ties among tlie European educators.
One party, known as the algorists, fa
vored the adoption of the Hindoo sys
tem of notation (falsely cnllod Arabic),
with its position values, while the oth
er, known as the abaclsts, favored the
Roman notation* without zero or posi
tion Value.
The general adoption of the Hindoo
system was greatly facilitated by the
facts that It was explained In most of
the calendars for more than a century,
beginning with 1300, and tbat the
media-val universities frequently Of
fens! courses devoted to the use of this
notation.—G. A. Miller in Science.
The Artist anti the Woman.
Every actress Is sensitively alive to
the pleasure of a warm reception—that
being the technical term for the ap
plause with which the audience greets
tbe first appearance of an artist before
any word has been spoken. Generally
speaking, it signifies a courteous greet
ing corresponding to a lifted hat and
pleasant salutation. But on occasions
when the actress is a special favorite
the reception, enthusiastic and long
continued, becomes a demonstration
which 1» Inartistic and destructive of
the illusion of the play, since it drags
the actress out of her part and in her
bowing, curtseying and smiling she
becomes Miss Jone» or Miss Morris re
turning thanks to the public. A wom
an would not be human who did not
enjoy to the last drop of her blood Just
such a greeting, even though her ar
tistic sense condemned it.—McClure's.
“GOOD MOKN1NO, MY FlilKND.”
sleigh and n spirited horse. Pulling up
opjHjRlte the chopper, he sent a ques
tion aero»» the ditch and fence which
resulted in the following Interchange
of words:
•
“Good morning, my friend. Can you
tell me the way to North Yarmouth?”
"Yes.” Chop, chop!
“Well, that's good. What is it.
please?”
"Sell it for cord wood.” Chop, chop!
“I’m afraid he didn't catch my ques
tion.” (Louder) "Will you tell me the
way to North Yarmouth?”
“Six dollars.” Chop, chop!
• "Say, you Impudent cur, if I had a
chance to hitch my horse 1 would get
out of this sleigh and thrash you with
in an inch of your life!”
“Weil, maybe you won't, but some
body else will.” Chop, chop! — New
York Times.
•
Widely Head.
A few months ago a New York man
visited the Palace Vendraniln Calergi
in Venice. Tbe library, with thou
sands of volumes, extends tbe full
width of the pulace and represents an
imposing artistic literary spectacle.
The tiers of Italian and Latin vol
urnes particularly impressed the vis
itor. As be scanned the shelves Ids
eyes rested on a volume beautifully
bound In red. The title was “Life on
the Mississippi,” by Mark Twain. As
the book appeared to be tbe only one
in the entire library printed in Eng
lish tbe visitor upon hi» return took
occasion to write to tbe numnrlst call
ing his attention to this fact. Murk
Twuiu's characteristic reply reads as
follows: "1 thank you very much. That
book 1» even inure flatteringly Inola ted
than w*«-9ce a
-«T-oic xjc
uliout year» ago from tbe far west.
He said. Tn ■ JOO mile horseback ride
through the cattle domain I found but
■ solitary two lH>oks among tbe cow
boys -“Innocents Abroad" ami th»- Bl
ble.’ And be added, ’The Bible wus In
good condition.*"
The Early Circa».
Leaving out of count the great cir-
The L»l(i>«e nf »be Tart.
Clises of Rome and Antioch and coming
“Couldn’t you get your money down
down to something of modern times,
tbe first circus In England was on u an that race?”
“No.”
footpath known as Halfpenny Hatch,
“What was the trouble.”
In the Waterloo road, London. There,
“I pronounced the name of the horse
In 1770, Astley's first performance was
given, with the aid of a drum, two fifes' torrectly and the bookmaker couldn't
ami one clown. A charge of sixpence anders fund me.'*—Washington Star.
wns made for tbe front standing places.
Tretty Deceat HaabaaS.
There was no building anil not even a
“But you say her marriage to young
tent, but merely a ring of ropes ami
«takes. Primitive as were the arrange- i Hlghroller turned out better than was
menta Aatley soon attracted good au-1 expected ?"
dlences and was able to add to hisI “Much better. He hadn't spent more
programme conjuring, transparencies, , than half her money when they sep
vaulting and tumbling, with displays arated "-Brooklyn IJfe.
of fireworks. In coarse of time be was
The Aettat’» Alaa.
■ ble to hire an Inclosed ground and
Friend—But- er- wbat'a the Idea of
erected seats under a substantial roof.
He ca.led tbe place Astley's Ampbl the work? I don’t quite grasp it.
Artist -Tbe Ida« Jr *>
1 tfrlf
theater Biding bouse.
go New«.
Animal» Are Sensitive.
HOW A RAILROAD JOURNEY AFFECT
ED A HIGH BRED HACKNEY.
Benflre’» Trip Io lb» Her»» Show *»•
Why II EaArd So UUoalroaaly—Tor-
rlfylaa Hike la ■ WhooloA Bos
After a Hotteoaoo Tralala*.
Tbe story of wbat happened to a
high bred hackney when he was sent
,by rail tu tbe Madlaou Square Garden
horse show is told by Sewell Ford in
"Horses Nine.” Bonfire was the hack
ney’s name, but be did not look at all
fiery at tbe momeut The author says
of him:
In bls stomach was a queer feeling
which be did not at all understand. In
ill* head whs a dizziness which made
him wish that the stall would not
move about ao. Streaks of pain shot
along bls backbone and slid down hie
legs. Hot and cold flashes swept over
his body, for Bonfire had a bad case
of car sickness—a malady differing
from seasickness largely in name only
—also a well developed cold cornpli
cated by nervous indigestion.
Tuned to tbe key, be had left the
home stables. Then they had led him
into that box on wheels, and tbe trou
ble had begun. Men shouted; bells
clanged; whistles shrieked. Bonfire
felt the box »tart with a Jerk and,
thumping, rumbling, Jolting, swaying,
move somewhere off Into the night.
In an agony of apprehension—neck
stretched, eyes staring, ears pointed,
nostrils quivering, legs stiffened—Bon
fire waited for the end. But of end
there seemed to be none. Shock after
■hock Bonfire withstood and still found
himself waiting. What It all meant he
<*ould not gues». There were tbe other
horses that had been taken with him
into the box, some placidly munching
hay, others looking curiously about.
There were the familiar grooms who
talked soothingly in hi» ear and patted
his neck in vain. The terror of the
thing, this being whirled noisily away
in a box, had struck deep into Bonfire's
brain, and be could not get it out. So
he stood for many hours, neither eat
ing nor sleeping, listening to the
noises, feeling the motion and trem
bling as one with ague.
Of course it was absurd for Bonfire
to go to pieces in that fashion. You
can ship a Missouri Modoc around the
world, and he will finish almost ns
sound as he started. But Boufire bud
blood and breeding and a pedigree
which went back to Lady Alice of Burn
Brae, Yorkshire.
His coltdom had been a sort of hot
house existence, for Lochlyune, you
know, is the toy of a Pennsylvania coal
baron who breeds hackneys not for
profit, but for the Joy there is in it.
Just as other men grow orchids and
build cup defenders. At tbe Lochlynne
stables they turn on the steam beat in
November. On rainy days you are ex
ercised in a glass roofed tan bark ring,
and hour after hour you are handled
over deep straw to Improve your ac
tion. You breathe outdoor air only in
high fenced grass paddocks, around
which you are driven in surcingle rig
by a cockney groom imported with tlie
pigskin saddles and British condition
powders. From the day your name is
written in the studbook until you
leave you have balanced feed, all wool
blankets, fly nettings and coddling that
never ceases. Yet this is the method
that rounds you into perfect hackney
form.
All this had been done for Bonfire
and with apparent success, but a few
hours of railroad travel had left him
with a set of nerves as tensely strung
as those of a high school girl on grad
uation day. That is why a draft of
cold air had chilled him to the bone;
tbat Is why, after reaching the Gar
den. he had gone as limp as a cut rose
at a ball.
“The fact that a horse is sensitive to
ridicule,” said a student of tbe biolog
ical department of the University of
Pennsylvania, “may easily be demon
strated. Take, for instance, the case of
a horse that is eating out of a nosebag.
If you »tanil in front of such a horse,
The Haste of Thaader.
attract his attention, and then, with
The bass of thunder is considerably
loud laughter, mock bls way of feed lower than the lowest sound produced
ing, be will stop, with a look of em in an orchestra — below the zero of
barrassment and shame, and he will music, we call it, at which all positive
not resume bis meal until you are gone apprehension of musical sound ceases
away.
and our senses are merely conscious of
"Dogs also object to being laughed a roar.
In observing the music of
at. Make fun of them and they wifi thunder our attention, however, may
cease whatever they are doing. It is be most profitably directed to the ex
only when they are in a fight that they pression rather than to the note». Tbe
will remain impervious to the shafts musical diminuendo is more perfectly
of mockery.”—Philadelphia Post.
represented by thunder than by any
other form of sound in nature. After
The Hamm* Body.
the first clap is over the ear will pursue
A pupil in a village school who had with pleasure tbe rolling away and
been requested to write an essay on gradual fainting of tbe peal, until at
the human body handed in the follow immeasurable distance it sinks into si
ing: “The human body consists of the lence.
head, thorax, abdomen and legs. Tbe
head contains the brains, in case there
Loudon'» Croaslaa».
are any. The thorax contains tbe
You can cross the three most dan
heart and lungs; also tbe liver and gerous streets In Manchester on an
lights.
The abdomen contains tbe average 3,1)00 times In safety, but the
bowels, of which there are five—a, e. 1, three thousand and first time you will
o, u and sometimes w and y. The ( be run over. If you are not. somebody
legs extend from the abdomen to the else will be In your place, for the av
floor and have binges at the top and erage a year never falls by more than
middle to enable a fellow to sit when a point or two either there or In I-on
Ctandlng or to stand when sitting.”
don. But in London you can only pass
the crossing at Blackfriars bridge,
Will Power and the Tkotnb.
which is the most dangerous spot in
Would be hypnotize)*» should avoid 1 the city, 550 times. You may be the
trying conclusions with persons pos- I lucky person who escapes by chance,
•eaela«' Uiiger Jalsted thumbs than but »uiueuody is certain to sufiei to
their own, for If there Is any truth In ’ keep five average up..counting the ac
palmistry the strength of one’s will cidents over a space of five years up
depends upon the formation of tbe to date. Next comes the Mansion
thumb- the will power of Its owner be House crossing, with a 700 to one
ing greit or little according to taM chance.—I-ondon Answers.
length or want of length of Its upper 1
Joint
A Hero’s Tribute.
How the thumbs of tbe Roman boll- 1
Lincoln said of Washington:
day makers were formed mattered
Washington is tbe mightiest name on
nothing to tbe defeated gladiator, '
rarth, long since mightiest in tbe cause
whose fate hung upon their being bent
of civil lllierty, still mightiest In moral
forward or backward- a method of de- I reformation. On that name ■ eulogy is
freeing life or death to which perhaps 1
expected. It cannot be. To add bright
we owe a man at another's mercy tie- I
ness to the sun or glory to the name of
Ing said to lie under his thumb.—Cham-
Washington is alike Impossible; let
ber»' Journal.
none nttempt It. In solemn awe pro
nounce the name and in naked, death-
Tbe Paaeake Bell.
b*»s splendor leave It shining on.
In the tower of Bt. Mary's church.
Morley, Yorkshire, England, bangs an
Hi» New Harsa.
“Seen Ezry's new horse?" asked Obe
ancient bell bearing tbe date 110U.
Every Shrove Tuesday morning it is citizen of another. “I have,” was the
rung for one hour, and tbe custom has reply. "Well, what does It look like?"
been followed for centuries, although ' asked the questioner Impatiently.
Its origin Is quite uuknown. The pen ( "Well, be looks,” said tlie other man
pie of the locality believe that it has slowly, “as If Ezry bad taken him for
some connection with the baking of an old debt”- Boston Christian Regis
pancakes on tbe day before I^nt. ter.
Hence Its name, the "pancake bell."
AAaoi
Eve.
On tbe last occasion of tbe ringing
»•ores of |>eople went into tbe belfry to i Adam and Eve got along very well
take a pull at the rope in order tbat . until the lady took advice outside of
they might claim some share In tbe | her own yard. Adam, of course, was
henpecked or be would have slain the
traditional usage.
snake very promptly.—Schoolmaster.
iMFQHTS«« ANS •CAEtM •«
■emn
tTIWNE
papers
WRAPPING ... “
CARO 8TOOK
...Straw and Binder«* Board...
SS-ST-AG-ei Flrwt Street
Tsl Hals IW.
St
8AN FRANCISCO.
WHO KNOWS
When Nle Kidney Trouble Hae
Fastened
and
Reached the
Chronic Stage? If It Has It la
Incurable by Anything Known
Except the Fulton Compounds«
We Are The Sole Agents«
As an eridance of the unusual character of the
Fulton Compounds that company doe« not pub
lish or invite testimonial* aaoept those report«
iu« recoveries in kidney diseaaeo that have
reached the chronic stage, alleged to be incur»«
ble. Here U another recovery in a case incura
ble till the advent of tbe Fulton Crmpuuude,
reported by Johns & Johnson, the agents of ths
Fulton Compounds in Loe Oatos:
W. H. »idley, a reeldeut of Loe Oatos,
having chronic kidney disease (Bright's Dis
ease) had, like everybody else, found all treat
ment futile. He commenced on Fulton's Renal
Compound in February, 1902, and on December
10 or the name year reported the total disap
pearance of the disease. He writes thst be has
gained fifteen pounds in weight and is again
able to do a good hard day's work. Johns A
Johnson, the Los Oatos d rug g tat a, confirm this
recovery aud know of several other recoveries tn
similar cases of chronic kidney disease in Loo
Oatos, all of which w^e incurable by auy thing
else known to druggists. S. A. Palmer, tbe
leading druggiatof Santa Crux, H. H. Maynard,
the Pe’aiuma druggist, the Ferry Drug Com-
dauy of No H Market street. San Francisco, W.
R. Pond, the Berkeley druggist. Dr Markley,
the Cloverdale druggist, Willis & Martin, the
Saeramento druggists, and score»of other Cali
fornia druggists all report specific recoveries
iu chronic kidney diseases that were positively
incurable by anything known except the Fulton
Compound a.
Dropsy, rheumatism from uric acid, gout and
bladder trouble» are proofs that the kidneys
are not performing their functions. The chronio
stage of kidney trouble 1» Bright.! Disease. If
you feel languid or miserable, if your kidney
trouble hangs on »end for Pamphlet. Per
centage of recoveries nearly 90 per cent among
riurely chronic cases Fulton’s Renal Compouud
or Bright's aid Kidney Diseases. St; for
Dlabete», SI 50 John J Fulton Co.,
Waah-
ington street. San FYancisco, sole compounder«.
Free analyses for pslienU. We are the sole
agents for tbe Fulton Compound» tn thu city.
Save the Baby.
The mortality among babies during the
thiee teething years is aumething frightful.
The census of 1900 shows that about one in
every seven succumba.
The cause is apparent.
With baby’s
bones hardening, the fontanel (opening in the
skull) closing up and its teeth forming, all
these coming at once create a demand for
bone material that ni’iyly half the little
systems are deficient In. The result la
I eevishness, weakness, sweating, fever, diar
rhoea, brain troubles, convulsions, etc., that
prove terribly fatal. The deaths In 1900 under
three years were 304.M8. to say nothing of
the vast number outside the big cities that
were nut reported, and thiB in the United
States alone.
When baby begins to sweat, worry or cry
out in sleep don’t wait, and the need it
neither medicine nor narcotics. What ths
little system is crying out fur is more buns
material. Sweetman’s Teething Food »up-
pile« it. It lias saved the lives of thousands
of babies. They begin to improve within
forty-eight hours. Here in what physicians
think of It.
2934 Washington Rt.,
San Francisco, June 2, 1902.
Gentlemen—1 am prescribing your food in
the multitude of baby troubles due to Im
peded dentition. A large percentage of in
fantile ills and fatalities are the result of
slow teething. Your food supplies what the
deficient system demands, and I have had
surprising success with :t. In scores of cases
this diet, given with their regular food, has
not failed to check the infantile distresses.
Several of the more serious casés would, 1
feel sure, have been fatal without it. It can
not be too quickly brought to the attention
of the mothers of the country. It is an ab
solute necessity.
L. C. MENDEL, M. D.
Petaluma, Cal., Saptembor 1, 1NL
Dear Sirs—1 have JuBt tried the teething
food In two canes and in both It wan a suc
cess. One was a very serious case, so criti
cal that It was brought to me from another
city for treatment. Fatal result» were feared.
In three days the baby cea»ed worrying and
commenced eating and Is now well. Its action
in this case was remarkable. I would ad-
vl»e you to put It in every drug store In this
city. Yours,
I. M. PROCTOR, M. D.
Bweetman’s Teething Food will carry b«h>
safely and comfortably through the mast dan
gerous period of child life. It renders lanc
ing of the gums unnecessary. It Is the safest
plan and a blessing to the baby to not wait
for symptoms but to commence giving it the
fourth or fifth month. Then all the teeth
will come healthfully, without pain, dis
tr ese or lancing. It Is an auxiliary to their
regular diet and v illy taken. Price 50 cents
(enough for six weeks), sent postpaid on re
ceipt of price. Pacific Coast Agents, Inland
Drug Co., Mills Building, Ban Francisco.
THE "TOUCH” 'AUTISTIC.
A Delicate Job That the Thief CoalS
Not Heaist Doln«.
We have cut society too much on th«
square. Perpendicular and horizontal
lln«*» do not make the only Intelligent
dlvlHlous. The relationship of Raphael
with a pickpocket I talked to once la
more Intimate essentially than it Is
with some makers of "pictures” and
molders of “statuary.” The thief had
been arrested because, having obtained
permission to live in New York pro
vided be did not work there, he was
caught stealing a watch.
"Why did you do It?” I asked him.
“Well, I’ll tell you," he said. "I sim
ply couldn't help it. I’m no kleptoma
niac. It isn't the stealing I like, but the
fuu of doing a hard Job prettily. This
is tbe second turn I’ve made. The first
was like this: I saw a rich, fat man In
a crowd, and I noticed that his watch
was hung In a new way, bard to break.
My fingers Itched, not for tbe watch,
but to break It off. I moved np, lifted
the watch, walked aWay with it and
then went back and hung the thing on
the chain again. This second time
something like that. I saw a delicate
•nb tr*ed ft, gnt »be wafeb and luet
then the fellow happened to look for
the time. He ’hollered.' and a detective
near by pinched me. I don't think I’m
what you’d call a natural thief, but I
like to work with my fingers, and I like
tbe excitement of stealing.”—McClure's.
Knew All Aboat It.
Teacher—What is tbe meaning of
“parvenu?”
Johnny—An upstart
Teacher—Give a sentence in which
the word Is used.
Johnny—When a man sits down on a
bent pin, be gives a violent parvenu.—
Chicago Tribune.
Preelaelr That.
Braggsby—I tell you I’m overwork
ing. I am turning ont an awful lot of
work Just now.
■,
Nocker -That’s Just exactly the word
your employer uwd In describing your
present work.-Baltimore American.
J»al—ear.
Nell—He Isn't very handsome, tent
hla face lights up well.
Bells Is be so lantern Jawed as all
that?—Philadelphia Record.