BANDON RECORDER.
Th« Art of Brortty.
Tbe Spartans were diatlugulsbsd ft*
the brevity and conciseness of their
speech. Ou oue occasion during a ter-
rlble famine the lububltauta of an la-
laud in the .Egeau sea sent au embas
sador to Sparta, who made a speech
Imploring Its aid. He had hardly fin
ished before the Spartans sent him
back these words. "We did not under
stand the end of your speech and have
forgotten the beginning.”
The jioor, starving i>eople chose an
other spokesman ami impressed uis>n
him to make Ids request as brief ns
possible.
He therefore took with him a quan
tity of sacks, opened one before the as
sembly and said simply, “It is empty;
mi it."
The sack was tilled as well as the
others, but the chief of the assembly
said as he dismissed the embassador,
loaded with meal: "It wasn't necessary
to inform us that the sack was empty.
We saw it ourselves. Neither was It
necessary to request us to till It. M e
should have done it ou our own ac
count. Be less long winded next time.”
—Christian Endeavor World.
A Seared Corpse.
"It was, 1 think, at the Haymarket
that oue of the most amusing of time
hearsed Incidents occurred,” says a
writer In M. A. 1’. "The play was
'Romeo and Juliet.’ Mrs. Scott Sid
dons was the Juliet of the occasion.
All went well until the tinal scene.
Paris was duly slain, aud Juliet lay
stretched upon her bier. Just then
some of the scenery caught alight
somehow, but some men from behind
soon extinguished It. Juliet, with com
mendable presence of mind, did not
move an eyelid, but the corpse of Paris
was nervous. He raised himself to a
sitting (Histlire, then got upon his feet
and tied from the stage. The danger
being removed, bls courage returned,
and the audience was afforded the
pleasing spectacle of a corpse crawling
along the stage from the wings to take
up the proper position for the tinal cur
tain. It was too tremendous an anti
climax to the tragedy of the play, ami
the house was simply convulsed.”
Flower« and Poison*.
Ever since the days of that floral
abomlnutlon, the green curnatlon, we
have known that flowers are suscepti
ble to the Influence of drugs aud can
be made to change their colors by prop
er, or, rather. Improper, treatment.
This branch of floriculture has been
pursued further by inquiring people,
and It seems that plants are as liable
to the effects of poisons as are human
beings. If you give a flower too much
chloroform. It will not agree with It.
In the words of the operator. "It droops
and dies.” It Is difficult to see what Is
the advantage of this particular study.
Every one knows that flowers can be
killed far too easily. If some scientif
ic person would And a way of causing
them to bloom all the year round In
our climate, that would be something
of a discovery—less scientific, perhaps,
but much more acceptable. — London
Ta tier.
Obi I k i nf.
At a musicale where a priest was a
guest a young woman with a robust
soprano voice did most of the enter
taining. She was very proud of her
accomplishments and her musical cd
ueatlon. She sang songs In tierman.
Italian, French and English. When
she appeared to have exhausted her
repertory and the company present
were wishing for a change In the pro
gramme, the clerg.vmun paid her some
compliments and added:
"Why, Miss Jones, I think you could
sing ad Infinitum.”
“I really don't know It,” responded
the obliging young woman, "but if tl.e
music is here I'll try it.”—New York
Times.
Ho Hod a C.nacles««.
"Wonderful fellow, that Herloek
Holmes,” remarked the captain a few
evenings ago in the smokeroom. “I
remember the occasion when I was In
troduced to him. It was at a crush at
the Van Astorbilts. There was au
ful crowd, aud we were eta «ding up
in a corner talking, when all at once 1
missed my watch.
" 'What’s the matter?' Inquired the
detective when be noticed that I was
upset, and I told him.
"Looking at the time, he observed,
speaking so as to be heard for a yard
or two around, 'Gentlemen, my friend
here lias lost bls watch, but fortunate
ly It Is a striking repeater, and as it Is
now fifty Wight minutes to 10 when It
strikes the hour we shall be sure to
hear it and can so detect the thief If
you will kindly listen for It.'
"Two or three fellows laughed, but
all took it good naturedly except an
ugly looking foreigner, who colored up
under Ills dirt and tried to shuttle
away.
" 'That’s our man,' said Holmes.
“And so It was, for my watch was
found on biui.
"Was It a repeater? Oil, no! There's
where the talent came In.”—Plillnd« I
phla Bulletin.
Her fcew JHt'kef.
A naval officer engaged In ordnance
duty ou a home station was given to
talklug iu bis sleep. Oue night he
awakened tils wife by starting tip In
bed and exclaiming In accents of pity
lug distress:
"She must have a new jacket! I
must manage to get one for her!”
The wife, knowing her husband's
slumtiers had never before been dis
turbed by the requirements of her
wardrobe, became vastly agitated ami
gripped him by the arm.
"William! William!” she breathed
earnestly Into his ear, hope meanwhile
rising high In her breast. "Who Is
she?"
"My three inch gun!” sighed the
overtaxed ordnance man.
A
A golfing magazine tells this story of
a man who applied for the secretary
ship of a club.
"You understand," snld the captain,
"that we want a secretary who Is thor
oughly accustomed to managing men.”
"in that case," answered the appli
cant sadly, "I’m afraid it's not me you
want, but my wife."
He was bunkered.
I had pint tlvec.-ids m my purse. I have
not Isa-n a day w ithout work since, ex
cept when I lake my annual vacation.”
“Haven’t you I*eeti home to visit your
part-tils?" I asked. "No,” she said
with a smile, “and doubtless that will
seem rather heartless to you, but I had
"l'is pawing strange to Folly the great a Is-tter Use for my money than s| end
commotion Denis G'Hullivati lias raised ing it on traveling. I had to deny my
iu his rendition of " Tiief'olleeli Hawn," self that pleasure to obtain one of more
"The Shaugrauu ” ami " Arrali-tia- lusting joy to myself as well as the rest
Pogue,” ill .''an Francisco. A griat of the fain'ly. In other wolds 1 have
many appreciated the plays, for they lifted the mortgage on the old home.
were full of pathos and humor, and That mortgage had put more gray hairs
only represented a side of hie iu the on my lather and mothei's heads than
beautiful Emerald Isle that figures in old Father Time. It looked for a long
every country. No place is free from time like they had to lose it, and they
just such a class of |ieople, and yet no had gone there when my mother was a
level-headed and broad-minded person bride. It would have simply killed
will judge the whole country and |s>pu- them Isith to have hud to give up tile
lation by this little passing glimpse Into old home. How I did wot k and scrimp
the less fortunate class. It was this and save in every way for the tint few
class that made the principal charac years. Now there is no mortgage, and
ters ill so many of Charles Dickens' father lisiks as if he had a new lease on
stories, yet should these issiks Is* dram life, they write to me, and mother is
atized, and some of them have been, simply lieside herself with joy. Don't
the English people would appeal fool youthink it has paid me to make the
ish to rise in their might and denounce sacrifice? Next year I am going home
the play and the actors. How often for a vacation and w ill take in the St.
have the iguoiant element in the moun Louis Fair at the same lime. You see
tainous district of Tennessee figured in I know what I am talking about when
story ami play? The same may be said I say that there is no excuse lor a girl
of some of the denizens and their life in becoming despondent and attempting
the New England States. The same to take her own life. What she wants
pitiful story might lie brought to light to do is to act. You are making notes
in our own State, but the people and of what I have told you, ate you?
place are not going tube judged by this Well, just spell ACT in big letters.”
ittle bit of an o’er true story that uuf< r
Innately exists in their midst Denis
BRIEF' REVIEW
O’Sullivan is an Irishman, loyal ami
true to his own Emerald Isle, and he
Quantities ot Pills.
has the faculty of doing everything he
A citizen in some physical distress
does well. Bollcicaillt, the aullmr of was seen to take a hottleful of pills at a
the plays, was also an Irishman, and swallow. "How many pills ale made
has portrayed the scenes he was familiar
in the United States in ayeat?” the
with and which lie has not overdrawn
druggist was asked. After a mental
any more than the author of Oliver computation he replied; "There are
Twist did the side of life his characters
were representing. We all know that over a dozen firms in this country en
this phase of life, sad as it is, lias, does gaged in making pills and other phar
and will exist until the end of time. maceutical preparations. By theuseof
Talk about foreign missions, why there power machines the manufacturing
is home missionary work to do in all of pharmacist is enabled to turn out 150,-
our big cities; |>eople wandering in 000 pills a day. Add the hand-made
darkness, poverty-stricken and igno pills, according to physician's prescrip
rant. They live a life in their own tions, and 1 should say the annual pill
little world. Philanthropists, misaioii- product is not short of 1,(KM),000,000."
ariis and charitable people in general It is rather singular that ugar-coated
are reaching out ill their feeble way, pills were first made in tills country by
but they cannot grasp the situation the Tilden < 'ompany of New Lebanon,
and remedy the evil, put a stop to crime N. ¥., of w hich S. J. Tilden is the presi
and enlighten and broaden the people dent.
[ POLLY LARKItCJ
who swarm in these sections in a day,
a week or a month. No, they cannot
do it in generations to come. So thi-
sad and unfortunate part of a country’s
population does not necessarily cloud
the more cheeiful view of the middle
and the other extreme. It would be a
wonderful country, indeed, which could
|s>int with pride to the fad that then
was no ignorance, no poverty, no sim
ple-minded people in all their domain.
When such a country is found then we
can well believe tiiat the dream of the
author in “Looking Backward” has
been realized. Until that time arrives
the merry old world will continue to
wag on, and we may expect poverty on
one aide, wealth on the oilier, with a
vast pereentageof the middleelass who
live in comfort, if not in aflliienee and
know nothing of the distressing con
ditions that exist in Poverty Row.
Knowing all this it seems strange tin L
sensible men and women should take
exceptions to the actor and the plays
mentioned to the extent that they
would forget theiuselvesand show their
displeasure by hissing the participants.
» » » »
The other day I had a long talk with
a young girl who has not seen any of
her own people in years. We were dis
cussing the attempt of a young girl to
commit suicide because she was home
sick and without money, home or
friends. "It seems strange to me why
a girl would lie tempted to take herself
out of the world for anything of that
kind, ’ she said. "1, too, landed in
San Francisco without money, home
or frit nds, and had my own way to
make. I came from Vermont with the
Christian Endeavorers when they had
their convention in San Franciscos few
years ago. My people were poor and
they objected to my taking the little
money I had saved and spend it all in
coming to California, but it had been
the dream of my life to visit the Golden
Stale, and I overcame all objections
and started out with my few belongings
ill a small trunk that had lieeii my
mother's when she was married. It
was old-timey, I can assure you, but I
couldn’t all'ord a new one and had to
‘pocket my pride.’ When I landed in
San Francisco I had just live dollars. I
at once found a cheap room, and thanks
to the restaurants (I believe they are
the most reasonable and the l>est in the
world here), I managed to exist, al
though that live dollars dwindled
down awfully fast. I had rented my
room for a week and the time was
almost npand I did not have the money
to pay for another week’s rent. I had
scanned the want ads in the daily pa
pers, but somehow or other the adver
tiser and myself could not come to an
understanding. I had two days more
to my credit at the lislging-house and
then I got des|>erate and sjient sixty
cents in advertising for a place. I lived
on eotlee and rolls twice a day costing
me ten cents a meal the remainder of
my stay at the lodging-house. ‘Dis
heartened." you ask. Not a bit of it.
I'm not of that nature. I knew that
the tide would turn In one way or the
other, and I have made it n rule never
to cross bridges until I get to them.
“Well, this time I got pretty close to
the bridge liefore the tide turned in my
favor. It was the last day and I had
received fully a dozen answers to my
advertisement. I called at several places
la-fore I made up my mind to accept
any of the positions, blit finally took a
place in a house a* second-girl. It was
a relined, nice home I went into, and I
felt I was to la- congratulated. After
paying to have my trunk delivered I
No Duty on Mummies.
The London Express tells of an elt.
thusisatic collector of mummies w ho
reached the Belgian frontier recently
with an ancient and respected Egyp
tian corpse. At the Customs the offi
cials asked w hat it was.
“A mummy,” was the answer.
"You can’t take it in without paying
duty.”
"But mummies pay no duty,” replied
the traveler.
“We will consult the register,” le-
plied the official. An enornieus volume
was examined, but with no result;
mummies were not classified.
"Declare it as salt fish” shouted the
official to one of tlie clerks, and thus
tlie mummy of a possible Pharaoh
made its entry into Belgium.
I
ANIMAL ODDITIES.
HUMOR OF THE HOUR
It is said that the frigate bird can
fly an entire week without stopping to
rest.
borne of the cats In Liberia are of
a bright red tlut, and they are very
conspicuous In the moonlight.
The cry of a young seal when wound
ed or about to be attucked resembles
that of a child In distress, and tears
flow from its eyes.
The common herring Is the most dif
tlcult of all murine creatures to catch
alive for au uquarlum. A whale is
the most difficult to preServe alive.
('runes, storks und wild geese tly
fust enough to make the trip from
northern Europe to Africa in a week,
but most of them rest north of the
Mediterranean.
A fox Is dainty us well as crafty
aud prefers the tongues of lambs for
food. He bus been seen to chase sheep
until they, on becoming tired, hung
out their tongues, which lie then tears
off and eats.
A caterpillar cannot see more than a
centimeter ahead that is to say, less
than two-tlfths of an inch. The hairs
on the body are said to be of us much
use as its eyes iu letting It know w hat
Is going on around.
Wever Saw Her, Hut—
The fulluwlug fragment of conversa
tion was overheard In a park ou a re
cent Sunday morning between two
well dressed ladies:
"Did you notice that girl who looked
at us so pointedly just now?”
"No, dear. Which one?”
"It was Just UB we were passing the
■Achilles’ statue.”
“Oh! Do you mean the one In a
fray Eton Jacket with blue silk revers
and a strapped skirt to match, a blue
hat with a big row of green velvet,
pale gray kid gloveB stitched with
black, a pale blue silk flounced under
skirt and high heeled patent leather
shoes, a spotted veil and a blue para
sol ?”
"Yes, dear; that was the one.”
"No, then; I didn't notice her. In
fact, I hardly looked at tier.”- Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
Stronic Bill.
Three Great Navigators.
To review tlie work of Columbus
without referring to that of Vespuclus
and Magellan would leave the story of
new sea and world discovery discon
nected mid incomplete. This will be
patent when It is remembered that,
though a believer ill the rotundity of
Hie earth, it was not Columbus, but
Magellan, who first physically demon
r rated that fact by circumnavigation.
And Magellan might have failed but
lor tlie previous work ot Vespuclus.
tlie latter bail explored the Atlantic
<• cist of South America farther south
Ilian any of Ids predecessors and the
south Atlantic ocean eastward to the
islands of South Georgia, nearly to the
parallel of Cape Horn.
By this Journey Vespuclus demon
strated with a considerable degree of
certainty that the strait, which had
for some years been looked for, lead
ing to tlie elusive unknown sea that
hounded the eastern coast of Asia, was
not to be found through the new lauds
of tlie west north of 54 degrees south
at all events. The mouth of the Ama
zon, the bays of Rio Janeiro and of the
I.a Plata had been explored and were I
found to contain fresh water, so that
through none of these could an en
trance to the unknown sea on the far
ther west be fouud.
"Do you have a good lecture course
here during the winter?” we ask of the
manager of the Higginsville lyceum.
"Indeed we do,” he answers. "And
next season we expect to outdo all pre
vious records. So fur we have booked
one ransomed missionary, one reform
ed gambler, one troupe of trained ani
mals. one converted heathen, one mov
ing picture machine and one profes
sional personator. We may take on a
college professor who wants to speak
about the tendency of modern literary”
thought, but 1 don’t know. It's pretty
hard to keep the course on the same
high plane of thought throughout.”—
Judge.
Saws That Cut Each Other.
A proverb has been defined as “the
wisdom of the many aud the wit of
one;” but. clever as this definition is,
it is scarcely borne out by a compari
son of tlie most familiar of our prov
erbs. The following are some of the
most striking: “Penny wise and pound
foolish” is the exact opposite of "Take
care of the pence and the pouuds will
take care of themselves;” so "Birds of
a feather flock together" and “Two of
a trade never agree.” “Absence makes
the heart grow fonder” aud "Out of
sight, out of mind," are Just as con
tradictory as "Many bands make Hght
work" and "Too many cooks spoil the
broth." So. too, “Delays are danger
ous" is tlie flat opposite of "Second
thoughts are best," while tlie philoso
pher who Invented the axiom "Tlie
early bird catches the worm” had ap
parently never heard of King Alfonso’s
world renowned saying that "All
things come to hint who waits.” On
this particular subject the opinion of
tlie worm and the bird might be worth
having.
Her Little llrotlier.
Surprised His Wife.
A story is told of a Pennsylvania
farmer who wore his old suit until ev
ery one was tired of It, and bis esti
mable wife was almost ashamed of the
hustling man who had been iuslde it
so long. But one day be we'ut to town
to sell his produce, and while there be
determined to buy a uew suit and,
happy thought, surprise Eliza. So he
bundled a neat suit into the wagon and
drove homeward.
It was after uigbt as he hurried
homeward, and at a bridge over a
river he stood up on ttie wagon and
"peeled" and threw the despised old
suit in the water. Then he reached for
bls new clothes. They were gone—
had Jolted out of the wagon. The uigbt
was cold anil Ills teeth chattered as be
hurried home. He surprised Eliza even
more than be anticipated.
The Teacher aud the Shirt.
There Is a teacher In a school In a
town in New Jersey who Inis Brooklyn
relatives, since it is her birthplace and
was her residence until she wandered
Into tlie wilds of Jersey to train the
youthful savage in the way he should
educationally go. Among her scholars
was one boy, a Tommy Russell, who
was well nigh Incorrigible. Oue day,
patience exhausted, the teacher caught
the lad and gave him a shaking that
made Ins teeth rattle in their sockets.
More, so vigorous was her clutch that
she tore Ids shirt. The next morning
the lad appeared with a neat bundle,
laying it before the teacher on the
desk.
“What Is this. Tommy?" asked the
teacher.
"I dunno, teacher,” was the reply.
“Me mudder sed glv' t’youse.”
The teacher opened the bundle to
Oldest Inn in England.
find Tommy’s torn shirt with Oils
In the village of Norton, St. Philip is memorandum:
"You tore the shirt; now you can
tlie George Inn. It claims to be the
mend
It.”—Brooklyn Eagle.
oldest licensed village alehouse in Eng
land, the license dating from 1397. Its
Ills Worm Class.
appearance is eminetly picturesque,
"Hello, papa!” cried the daughter of
each story overhanging that beneath, the Wall street operator after the fa
while the front is broken by bay win ther reached his porch after his ride
dows, a porch and a flight of stonesteps out from the city ou a suburban train
leading to a doorway in (lie wall. At and seated his little one on his knee.
the back are more quaint doors and "But, papa. I've got one you enu’t
windows, a turret built against tlie w all guess.”
"Can't guess?” said the flnaucler.
and including an outside stair, while in
the yard still remains a portion of the "Another new joke?”
“A good one, too," chattered the lit
old gallery which in the middle ages
tle girl "You ought to guess It, but
was found ill so many hostelries. Most you can’t. Now. if a student is a book
of the front is timbered. Each gable is worm what kind of a worm are you?”
surmounted by a courioiischimney. A
"Well, that is a hard one. We're all
curious feature of tlie interior is Hie up supposed to be worms In one way,"
said the speculator.
per floor which is of plaster.
“Yes, but you'd be a tapeworm,"
broke In the little girl, with a burst of
The Bible in Japan.
laughter; "you read the ticker tape so
Thirty years ago in Japan the Scrip much.”
tures were printed secretly and copies
“That’s right.” was the answer.—
were sent out only after dark. Those New York Tribune.
who were engaged upon this work did
it at the risk of their lives. Now there
English Meat Pie.
is a Christian printing company in Yo
The veal and bam pie which Is a
kohama, issuing tlie Scriptures not common English dish should be better
only iu Japanese, but in Chinese, Thi- known here. The bone end of a piece
betan, Corean and two dialects of the of veal Is stewed till the meat is ten
Philippine islands. Last year there der, with an equal amount of smoked
bam. Take out the bone, strain the
were circulated in Japan alone over stock and separate the veal and ham
135,1X10 copies.
pieces. Cut each In strips and lay iu
alternate layers iu a deep baking dish.
The kissar is one of tlie most ancient Season, cover with the clear stock and
of Egyptian instruments It is found tiiiish the dish with a flaky crust tlu\t
represented in monuments antedating will bake quickly. The dish is eaten
tin- date of Christ by 2000 years. It cold, and when cut like any pie It will
consists of a circular body, with a large be found that tlie meat is set in a de
licious jelly.
Iriangiihu flame above, from the cross
bar of which I've strings pass to tlie bot
A Remarkable Petition.
tom of the frame. It is tuned to the
The keeper of the menagerie at Ver
pentatonic scale.
sailles during the reign of Louis XVI.
had orders to administer six bottles of
To harden tools for engraving they burgundy every day to a dromedary
are heated to w hiteness and plunged in which had grown feeble with old age
to sealing wax, withdrawn after an in and which the king was very anxious
stant and plunged in again, repeating to keep alive. In spite of this ultra
tlie process until the steel becomes cold. generous treatment the animal died, to
The tool will then become almost as the great despair of bis uurse, who pe
titioned the king with a view of obtain
hard as a diamond.
ing the "succession of the dromedary”
—that is to say, all the advantages at
In signing his name to the plans and
tached to bls person.
specifications for the World’s Fair Art
Palace in St. Louis, which will cost
Women In Command.
|945,ixxt, the contractor liad to sign his
In several villages of Finland the
name 24'H1 times. It was a hard day’s woman has authority, for a religious
sect exists there whose disciples are
work.
forced to marry and to take a vow to
A hopeless num Is de erted by him submit to the wife In all things. The
self, and lie who deserts himself is simiii women choose one of their number for
governing head, whose duty It Is to see
deserted by Ids friends.
that the men behave themselves and to
Quarantine was first established punish them if they transgress. Sim
against Infectious diseases in the tenth ilar are the "Purlflcants" of Liberia,
who also recognize the supremacy of
century.
women.
Switzerland ex|Hirt.s regularly to otIl
Iu Hie Punjab the deaths from
er countries s<-venteen di tie rent kinds
plague average nearly 70.0tx) monthly.
of cheese.
The squirrels at Hassan, Mysore,
A woman does not Iwgin Io command caught the disease and have been com
until she has promised lools-y.
pletely Wiped out.
Tbr Wonderful StarBth.
There are scores upon scores of dif
ferent forms of marine animal life
that uuie within the category assigned
to sturflshes. but the moat aingular
specimen iu tlie whole group is the
splendid astropbytou the "sea basket”
or the sailors. It is truly a wouderful
specimen of marine life, having hun
dreds of long and short, straight, twist
ed and curled tentacles, and but for the
geometric precision of the plau upon
which the starlike "body" is fashioned
might be mistaken for a miniature, cir
cular a|»eclnieu of the devilflab. 1 he
center <<f the creature, the "hub,” from
which tlie live stout arms radiate, is
tlie liody, bead and "thinking ma-
chine” of our curious astrophyton.
Tlie whole, not including the laby
rinthine tentacles, which branch to all
the points and intermediate points of
tlie compass, looks for all the world
like an animated Fourth of July lire-
wheel. The five main arms are divided
into three each within a short space
from the astro’s body, and these tlirue
are almost Immediately subdivided In
to innumerable other arms and ten
tacles, the whole forming a net by
means of which it captures Its prey and
holds its victims until the life has been
sucked out of them.
[
i
|
'
'
George—Is your father a bunker?
Maud—No. Why?
George — Nothing; only your little
brother seems to be a teller.
Worth Trying Attain.
Tne Impecunious author passed over
the manuscript with a faltering band.
The aged but truthful editor started,
A Feat of Sfrenati!.
"Er—Mr. Wrlgbtly,” he said, with
“Papa,” said little Willie, wlio was the air of a man who has Just become
looking at a picture of Atlas, “nobuddy saddled with a great thought, "did you
could hold the world on their back, ever hear that Walter Scott received
could they?”
the suggestion of his tirst successful
“I don’t know about that,” answered novel while he wns washing his hands?"
pupa. "I’ve heard people talk about
“I—I believe I read of It,” stammered
Wheeling, West Virginia.”—Indianapo the Impecunious author, slipping his
lis Suu.
bands Into his pockets. A faraway
look came Into tlie face of the aged
Hereditary.
but trutliful editor.
“I saw Kluinsey’s bhby yesterday.
“I was merely throwing out the sug
It’s a regular chip off tlie old block.”
gestion.” he said softly.
"Why, I couldn’t see any resem
blance at all.”
Pepyi on Lent.*
"No? Well, when I saw tlie kid it
The scarcity of fish In old times In
had Just opened Its mouth und put its England made it difficult for the poor
foot in It”—Philadelphia Press.
to keep Lent. Pepys remarks, "The
talk of the towne now is whether Lent
An L'nfortanate “Slip.’’
shall be kept with the strlctnesse of
It was the clerk’s first day in his new the king’s proclamation, which is
position. He bad formerly worked for thought cannot be, because of the poor
a haberdasher.
who cannot buy flsh.” He also says:
“I wish to get a dog collar," said the "Notwithstanding my resolution, yet,
customer.
for want of other victuaMs, I did eat
“For yourself?” asked tlie clerk ab flesh this Lent.” and again. "Our din
sentmindedly.—Chicago Post.
ner was only sugar sopps and flsh. the
only time we have liad a Lenten din
Strike.
ner all this Lent.”
Hogan (on strike)—Th’ hungry vll-
lyuus! Troth, they’ll ate me out av
The First Women on the Stave.
bouse an’ home before th’ sthroike do
It is now ascertained beyond doubt
be hided.
that women tirst appeared upon the
Little Mamie—An’ de worst uv it is, stage between November, 1600, and
dad, ye can't arbitrate wld hungry January. 1001. Ou Jan. 3 Pepys, that
kids.—Puck.
inveterate playgoer, tells us that he
saw “Tlie Beggar'B Bush,” "It being
Dealing In Futures.
well done, und here the tirst time that
In a cemetery at Middlebury, Vt, is I ever saw women come upon the
a stone, erected by a widow to her lov stage.”—Cornhill Magazine.
ing busband, bearing this inscription:
"Rest In Peace—Until We Meet
A Straightforward Answer.
Again.”—Life.
J. B. Lippincott ouce ventured to ask
Onida, the novelist, how she came to
Seems More Likely.
know so much about clubs, camp life,
"She Is plain enough to stop a clock.” barracks, gambling bouses and other
“If she's aS plain as that, I should places which are only visited by men.
think she would be more apt to make She placed her hands upon her knees
It run."—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
anil, looking straight at her questioner,
snld. "It Is none of your business.”
Common Sense.
O common sensei No diadem Is thine,
And on thy plain, unsentimental taee
There Is no brilliancy nor hint of grace.
And yet I love thee and would make thee
mine
Because thou art essentially divine.
Thou only through life's labyrinth canst
trace
The true, safe path for our distracted
race.
Ever to follow thee my heart Incline!
Once on the wilderness of waters wide
Brooded the spirit, and the lands up
rose.
And chaos saw sweet order then com:
mence.
Such Is thy power, and where thou dost
abide
Each moon a.id planet straight and
stately goes.
Heaven born, earth saving common
sense!
—American Kitchen Magazine.
liriiivlnit Walking Canes.
Few men who use walking canes are
aware that the growing of walking
stalks is a special industry and that
certain kinds of canes are not merely
collected as they may be found grow
ing in forests. One may And at any
store where the sticks are sold many
canes of almost precisely the same
length, weight, shape and material.
Canes having a tangle of roots at Hie
handle, for iustanev, ure much sold In
Englund. They are grown by a "fann
er” wlio makes It u specialty to trim
and shape young usb plants.
A Horticultural Lover.
“Did Biffkins ever tell you about bis
love affair?”
“Oh. yes! When he first met the girl,
he thought she was a peach, and she
' soon became the apple of his eye. but
|
he learned that she didn't give a fig
for him. so It soon became a case of
sour grapes.”—Toledo Bee.
|
Knowing.
Buck —Mike, can I know what 1 don’t
know?
Mike—No.
,
Buck—There Is something I don’t
know, and I know It. Then don't I
know what I know?
Mike—I don't know.—Judge.
Recently Acquired.
Tom—By George, old man, that's a
stunning girl who Just bowed to you.
Who is she?
Jack My sister.
Tom—Your sister! Since when?
Jack - Since last night. — Chicago
News.
it's an easy matter to get Into the
inbit of meeting trouble half way.—
Chicago News.
If you associate with a fool, don't let
die fool control vou.— Atchison Gleba
FACTS IN FEW LINES
In Massachusetts schools dissection
of animals has been forbidden by law.
Over 50.060 couples resident in Ber
llu have celebrated their silver wed
dings.
A short New York man asks for a di
vorce because bls tall wife is ashamed
to he seen with him.
In Beaumont. Tex., 1,500 residences
were built In the last twelve mouths.
It lias a jiopiilatlon of 30,000.
Raleigh Introduced tobacco In Eu
rope, and now North Carolina will erect
a monument to Sir Walter tn Raleigh.
The Hebrew theaters iu Chicago have
reached an agreement by which plays
are to be passed along from one to ail
other.
Only 49.74(1 acres of flax are being
cultivated this-year iu Ireland, a de
rreatfe of 10.3 per eelit oil tlie figures
for 1D01.
Four million dollars Is Hie sum an
Dually left in Faris by visiting Amerl
cans, according to a writer In the Petit
Parisian.
It is one of tlie duties of tlie Berlin
fire brigade to supply steel cylinders
containing oxygen for use In cases of
gas poisoning.
Billiards as a game Is decreasing In
|K>pularlty in France, where the num
ber of tables III use fell from 1H1.OO0 In
1880 to SD.ixx) last year.
A decree recently promulgated by
the government of Costa Rica estate
fishes chemical laboratories In the cus
tom houses of the republic.
Nearly S.ixxi motor cars are now In
use In Purls and the neighborhood,
3.860 of the cars having a registered
speed of over eighteen miles au hour.
A tomb of lapis lazuli has been dis
covered among several others south of
the great pyramid of Gizeh. There
were many sarcophagi and Inscriptions
found likewise.
Spltzbergen belongs to no country,
and since the cessation of whaling It is
deserted even in summer. There are
deposits <>f coal mid phosphates, lint it
does not pay to work them.
Bouts instead of wagons are used by
tlie rural free delivery carrier at New
Suffolk N. Y. The route there lies
along tlie shores of a protected bay,
mid In ordinary weather he can sail
over Ills course more easily than he
can go Iu a wagon.
Less than 10 per cent of Manitoba's
land has been taken up. The neighbor
ing territory of Asslnlbola Ims nearly
(io.txxi.ixMi acres, mostly suitable for
wheat propagation. Alberta, near the
Rockies, Is 500 by 300 miles in extent,
and Saskatchewan is another empire
in urea.
Platinum lias long been mined In the
Slmllkameen. about 150 miles east of
Vancouver, B. C. It is snld that China
men have been earning living wages
for the past fifteen years by recover
ing platinum from the placer deposits
of the Tulmneen river and also of
Granite creek.
It Is reported that an oil spring of
good quality has been discovered In
the southeastern district of South Aus
tralia. The spring is near the lakes
which exist at the mouth of the Mur
ray river. In the vicinity of the little
towu of Beulngle, on the eastern shore
of Lake Albert.
For playing “heads and tails" fur
stakes of a farthiug an apprentice
named Paul Riedel has been sentenced
to banishment from Austria. Accord
Ing to the Austrian criminal law. the
uniform punishment for nil games of
chance, Including the game "heads and
tails,” Is banishment.
The Assouan dam on the Nile Itself
Is one of the greatest engineering
works In existence. It is no less than
one and a quarter miles In length,, and
It Is pierced by 180 sluice gates 27 feet
In height and 7 feet In width, by
means of which the regulation of the
waters will lie secured.
An Atlanta (Ga.) bank has opened a
department exclusively for its women
clients. The paying teller is u woman,
who pays all checks presented to her
In brand new currency. Depositors in
the women's department are furnished
with dainty combination check and
pass books bound In Russian leather.
The disciplinary council of the Mu
nich bar has Just bad brought before It
a barrister charged with the high
crime and misdemeanor of taking part
In amateur theatricals. The impugned
lawyer pleaded that be had charged no
fees, but tlie bar council declined to
admit that this want of prudence
purged the offense aud imposed a fine,
together with a sharp reprimand.
That a powerful alarm like a fog
siren can be sounded without being
heard Is shown by the Investigations
ot E. P. Edwards on the English coast,
according to London Invention. At a
distance of a mile from the siren the
souud began to die away, and between
two aud three miles It was entirely in
audible. This mysterious 'silent zone”
constantly changed In extent and post
tlon.
Census returns give 5,354 children
under sixteen years of age who are ern
ployed In making shirts for men In the
United States. More than 3.( mk ) of
these are employed In factories. There
are 1,145 employed In making women’s
skirts and similar garuieuts. Nearly
8.060 are In the stocking tactorles and
over 9.000 in the miscellaneous employ-
ments connected with the production
of ready made attire.
The oldest living pioneer of Oregon
Is William Abernethy of Dora. Coos
county. He Is an Illinoisan. His fami
ly left Illinois in 1839, traveled by wag
on and canalboat to New York, thence
sailed around the Horn. There was
no San Francisco then, so their ship
bended for the mouth of the Columbia
river, where they arrived in June.
1840. Mr. Abernethy, who is a well
preserved man of seventy, helped bls
father build the first sawmill erected
in Oregon.
Three of a Kind.
This conversation was heard on a
coater’s holiday at the luncheon hour:
The youug hopeful complains, "1 say,
muvver, ain’t I goln' to ’ave any ’am?"
“Don’t say ’am. Billy; say ' am .” The
father of the family, listening with
evident scoru, nudged n cultured broth
er. "They bof finks they’re sayin'
’AM.”— Loudon Globe.
Find sense In blockbeads, honesty In
rogues. s|>eak well of everybody, and
your fortune la as good as made.—
Beaumarchais.