Bandon recorder., September 18, 1902, Image 2

BANDON RECORDER.
out to get the moruimf pa|«*i ami would ROOM FOR ALL GRADUATES
reward him by giving him a lump of
sugar. The other day the uewaboy Mature Xdjunt« Matters mi *«1 Always
Preserve« mu E^uilibriuui.
faileii to leave a paper ami Carlo re-
SuailB.
Once u year the B« huula mid colleges
turned to his mistress w it h a very disap­
The popularity uf the »null as an ar­
, of the couutry harvest a crop of grad-
pointed air. Again 'lie sent him out | uutes, and once a year the wize uieu
ticle uf fu<xl la nut eoutilled tu Paria,
after
it
ami
watelied
to
see
what
he
of tiie land write chhuvs fur puldica-
but extend® throughout aoutheru Eu
1 have hruul ninny |< m ihvt’c inch
r«»|w und auuie parts of Africa. Dr. «lente iti recarti tu umilila !s, but Olle would do. He hunted in the bushes , tion on the aurpluM of men who are
E« Ira rd, a French writer, in a pam­ <*aiiie tu my kn«>wh*«lg** th • other day and under the porch ami then stisai •*nt«*r!ng the law, medicine and other
for a moment as if debating in his ow n «•alllngM that are open to the uewcom-
phlet say a that Mo.IMM) pounds uf snails
flint I m enough to move any« »ne to tears.
ure sent daily to Paris from the gar
mind wlmt to do. Then lie dashed out 1 «*rM. If the wise men are to fie be-
A g«*nti**inun owned a ver line shep
dens of Poitou, Burgundy, Champagne
ot tiie yard ami went from bouse to lieved. It would seem that all the oc­
and Provence. Those reared in gar­ tieni «log whi«?h uus I i I h <*«» istant coin- house until he found a pa|>er oil the cupations were till«*«! and that the
dens are fed on aromatic herbs to Im­ {»union and toll«»ue«l him to liis woik in disirstep, and seizing it lie went tear­ young man had arrived too late.
Fortunately for the tenderfoot, th«*
prove their flavor. Their market price the morning carrying hie n inch*basket
ing back to his mistress wagging his wlae men have always been wrong.
is from 2 francs 50 centimes to 3 francs und remaining in his vicinity coimtant-
60 centimes a hundred, while those 1 j . Nothing <u>ul«l leinpt Inm to leave (ail and frolicking around her, us much No piiilosoplier has ever presented a
from tiie hedges, woods and forests until his master was thr«>u^;h his day's as to say, “I’ve had a hard time timl- logical argument that did not leave
bring only 2 francs to 2 fruncs 50 work, and (lien h«* would again take hig it, for thut stupid newsboy made a sum«*!hing I»» he sai«! on tiie other side.
centimes. The proprietor of one snail th«* lutH*h*hask(*t mi«l show ins delight mistake." No matter how many guests Every y«*ar »in«*«* th«* world net lip for
may lie in the room when tiie dog ! Iuisin«*ss a new crop of young men has
ery in the vicinity of Dijon nets over
in every way a «log c«»ul«l that work
7,000 franca annually.
makes his uppearalue, In* goes from I urriv«*«!. and Unit new crop lias even­
The snail is reared and fatteiusl with was over and they could wend their one to another putting up his paw to tually b«*«*«»me tin* stay «>f tiie race.
greut care in some cantons of Swit­ way home. The «log's master was u shake hands, llis owner has lost hus­ What Ims b«*en going on eternally will
zerland as itn article of luxury and is cnrp« iih*!, and recently he fell from a band and children ami the dog is every­ «•<»minn«*. The young chaps will locate
themselves. It is no argument that
exported in a pickled state. It is also building, break mg his back. The «log
thing to her in her lonely home. Yet lawy«*rs have their signs staring at
eaten ns a relish and nutritious article fiew Io the side of his imeonsoiouM mas­
of food in Austria, Spain, ltnlj and in ter and for some moments would not the dog-catcher says he has Ins eye on you from every hallway on half the
some sections of the I'nlted States. allow anyone to touch him. A «locloj him mid he expects to get him yet. stwets wltlUn several blocks of every
The Ashnntees ami other African ha«i been hastily summoned, und he i'liey would hurdly kill him, for he is <*««urthouse in the country. The bar-
too valuable a dog, even if lie were not v«st that inehules a new lot of law­
tribes smoke them and eat them as
suggestcii «siting th faithful animal,
daily food all the year around, in
redeemed, for they could always get a yers also raise s a l<^ of now litigants.
Algeria In the markets large heaps of and in fact look a pistol from his pocket good price for him, for dog-fanciers ami Natur«* tak«*s <*are to preserve an
snails are gold by the bushel and the an«i got ready to put tin* «log out of the others in search of pets, limiting dogs equilibrium. If the ficdg«*liiigs of th«*
hundred ns an article of food. \ coders way, when a feihiw-workman of th«* watch dogs, etc., frequent the pounds, iii<*di<*al scliools do not find bones to
saw. some of them turn to sawing
hawk them in the streets of Cairo. In injur«*«! man in l«*rcetle«l f«»r the dog und
modern Rome fresh gathered snails kept him from carrying «>ut his threat. for there they are sure of getting a l>ar- wo«»«l. Th«» b«».v who has gon«* through
«•oll<‘ge with th«* intention of be«’oming
are hawked by women from door to On«* of th«* most courageous, w ho ha«i gain.
« « « «
presiileut of th«* l’nit«*d States finds a
door.
often petted I He dog, finally secure«!
“Careful Housekeeper” is in deep ;iIisfai’lory job as master of ceremo­
him an«! lhe<lo«*tor proceed«*«! With the distress, judging from her letter to the nies in a coalyanl. A few Jostles anti
A Concession In Price.
“People in frontier towns,” said n case. 11 is verdict was that the unfor­ query-lsix. She has moved intoa coun­ ’In* new man adjusts himself to Cir­
Klondike pioneer, “get used to paying tunate man must die, for there seemed try home which was once used as a cumstances. and then he has become a
big money for tri ties, ami $2 for a box to be no possible «‘hance «>! his recovery’. wayside hotel, and while she is de­ part of tin* machine, which runs ou as
uf sardines and $5 for a pound of bad Still unconscious he was removed t<> lighted with the rambling old bouse usual.
It is uiinecessary to become alarmed
coffee become reasonable price®. 1 his horn«*, th«* faithful «log following, that is big enough to entertain all her
about lb<* surplus man. If he is in law,
kicked once upon a time because the ami although he lingered nearly’ two
summer guests without crowding, it mcilicin«*. tli<»ology, horse trading. pe«l-
price asked was too small It was like weeks (lit* dog remained almost con­
this: I had a jumping toothache, was stantly at his ht-dt ide. When his mas­ still has tenants that refuse to depart, «lling milk or anything else, he finds
ugly little customers who make night it out, .ind he arranges the matter in
nearly wild with it, when 1 went to
ter died th«* dog lia«l to be removed hideous by feasting royally on guests some way without any upheaval in so­
the shanty where 1 was told there was
a dentist. A rough looking fellow told from the room bet'« »re th«* body could ami tenants, no distinction being made, ciety. ’i’ll«* surplus man is surplus
He wandered around ami which scamper away so lively on only until In* gets his first Job. After
me that he was it. and 1 asked him to be attended to.
draw my tooth. He looked me over, the house and seemed to b«* surprised the awakening of the sleeper that ihat h<‘ is on«* of the establishment.—
got ids forceps fastened on my tooth what thesilenceof «ieath meant.) When seldom can they catch a glimpse of the Pittsburg Times.
and yanked It out after a couple of it was all over ami the family had re­ little cannibals. That is not all. Cock­
hard twists.
SCIENCE SIFTINGS.
turned to the desolute home, the dog roaches, “ugly little beasts," says “Care­
“*How much?* I asked.
gave vent to the most plaintive cries ful Housekeeper,” have fairly taken
The sun's flames spring nt times to a
“ ‘Well, $2, I guess,’ said the dentist. and continued this manifestation of his
possession of the kitchen and defy all distance of fl.’.u.ooo miles from its sur­
“1 paid him, although my jaw still
grief for several «lays. Then this ceased the arts of man to get rid of them, and face.
ached pretty badly.
In dr.v air sound travels 1,112 feet
“ ‘That's the cheapest thing I’ve seen and there was never another sound, the query is, “How am 1 to get rid of
but his appetite failed him. Nothing these pests?”
per second, in water I.'. mhi feet and in
around here,’ I said.
Iron 17,5011 feet.
“ ‘Well,’ lie said, ‘I thought I’d make could tempt him, although the grief-
» » . »
It low because, on account of the bad stricken family endeavored in every
The amplitude of vibration of the
Well, you are in trouble, “Careful
light, I pulled the wrong tooth.'
way to pet iiim back into his old cheer­ I lousekeeper.” I have never had so diaphragm of the telephone receiver In
“I had to go the next day to have fulness. Three weeks after the funeral
K'producing speech is about tiie one-
the bad tooth out. and he made mat h<* disappeared and all seurch for him sad an experience, and consequently twent.v-miilloutli of an inch.
know
nothing
for
exterminating
the
ters square by eliorging me $10.”—
i'resh air contains about three parts
prove«! unavailing until t11 rec «lays alter pests and cannot speak from experi­
New York Tribune.
his disapp«*arance, when his d«*ad body’ ence, but I have laid tin* matter before of carbonic acid in lO.OOU. respired air
about -Hl parts, and about live parts
was found lying a< toss his master’s a well known and experienced drug­
The Inventor of the fork.
will cause the air of a room to become
grave.
The
faithful
animal,
weakened
Dun Perignon, a poor blind monk,
gist ami have also appealed to several ‘‘close."
first thought of cork for bottle stop by his long fast, had managed to go ladies who pi ide themselves on their
llolopliane glass is a pressed glass
pers. He was employed in a royal three miles to tin* cemetery and there
neat housekeeping, and they have giv­ resembling cut glass, having vertical
monastery as overseer of the extensive starved to death.
en me information galore. The follow­ prisms on the inside for diffusing tiie
vineyards, being himself a manufac
♦ ♦ » ♦
ing is what tin* druggist has to say in light and horizontal prisms on the out­
turer. Indeed, it is said he discovered
side for directing the light.
For
out
und
out
cruelty
and
total
regard to tiie “cannibals”: (let ten
by experimenting with wines and
The following are found to be the
grape juices that highly effervescing la«*k of humanity I commend you to cents' worth of buhacli powder and a densities of tile planets, water being 1:
beverage known us champsnge. Ne­ th«* poun<imast«Ts «»I Sail Francisco. lit tie ten-cenl blower and till every lit­ Mercury, 3; Venus, 5.11; earth, 5.50;
cessity in ids case was doubtless the I'liey art* brutal and not lit to live in a tle cre\ ice and corner with the powder moon, 3.34; Mars, 4; Jupiter, 1.35; Sa­
mother of his Inventing the cork stop­ civilized community, Th«*y w ill spring ami do not lie afraid of getting it on too turn, O.GS; l ianus, 1.G9; Neptune. 2.20.
per, for his champagne must have from their wagon ami l«*ar a pet puppy thick. I ion’I think they w ill have any
Tiie star Arcturus, the hottest of ce­
needed a better stopper than was then from a baby’s arms with never at wing«*
more trouble with the “cannibal.” lestial bodies, gives us us much heat
used * merely a bunch of tlax soaked
of cons«ueuce. I saw an act of this “The druggist's idea is good as far as it as a standard caudle six miles away.
in oil. if he was the first to put a cork
into a bottle, the world Is indebted to kiml th«* other «lay. A child of not goes, Polly,” said a little lady, “but let This fact was ascertained by tiie ra­
him, since its impermiabllity, elastic! mor«* than I In«*«* years was toddling me give you my experience. I lived ill diometer, an instrument which will
show the amount of heat given off
ty and lightness render it lnvuluable along with a lit th* puppy in her arms the Hla'e of Nevada for several years,
from a man's face at 2.000 feet dis­
fur this use.
cuddling it up to her and talking to it and there is the place where you will
tance.
in her baby fashion. The lit th? one find that the ‘cannibals’ nourish. I
How Nt*) Faced Drath.
«»pen«*«! her big blue vy«*s in surprise* tried buhacli and just piled it on. It
He Was ‘‘In the Soup.”
Marshal Ney was the son of a hard­
when th«* pound wagon dashed upto worked all right for a few days, and
"Mon anil,” said tiie Marquis de
working cooper and had risen from tin*
Croisie the other day. “the hotel keep
ranks of the army. He was a child of t in* sidewalk, ami a grt*al, burly, coarse- then if they didn’t just walk through
er's life is an uuhappy one. If he does
looking
man
sprang
from
tin*
seal,
it.
Then
I
tried
taking
every
bed
to
the people, and whatever may have
been his vanities he threw’ them all snatched tin* puppy from her arms and pieces ami went over every inch of not look to the least little detail, the
threw’ it into th«* cag«? already tilled them with kerosene oil. Afterward 1 whole thing goes wlmt do you cull it?
aside in his last days.
When he was led out to death, an of­ with frightened canines, who were applied the hubach. It worked like a All, yes, on the blink.
“Here is example id’ what 1 say.
ficer ordered a bandage tied over his barking, snuriing ami uttering the chat in, ami since I lien I have never
When
1 hud the Logerot, there was
eyes.
most pitiful cries. I In* bars streamed seen a ‘cannibal’ ill my house. Tell once a dinner there at which Chauncey
“Why should you do that?” said Ney.
<lown tin* baby’s fac«* us sb«* ran toward ‘Careful Housekeeper' if she will sprin­ Depew wus u guest. 1 told tiie clief to
“Haven’t I been accustomed for twen­
ty-five years to look bullets and cannon the wagon with outstretched arms kle powdered borax about thestove and put in tiie menu some dish In honor of
pleading lor her pet. A gentleman in­ along the crevices in the walls and him, and 1 forgot to look at the menu
balls in the face?”
He himself ordered the soldiers to terceded for th«* child, but he wasan- around tiie edge of her carpets, she will before it went to the printer.
‘‘What do you think that imbecile of
swered by curses long ami loud as they soon IInd that tiie cockroaches liaVe
fir«*, standing and facing them.
a chef had done? There”—
His career summed up lu one life the whipped up the horses and started in taken their (light.”
And the marquis produced an old
spe<*taculur heroism of the past.
pursuit of some other luckless animal.
menu card on which among the
About the only thing they don’t arrest
“soupes” appeared the following:
BRIEF REVIEW.
Slpprta.
und consign to the pound are tin* vats
“Puree de murrons a la Depew."
Sippets. mentioned often in English
♦ « « «
stories, may be either of bi*«ui«l or of
A Giant Mimic Gun.
Gently Sarcnmtic.
toast. Sippets of toast are thin ob­
A ln<ly who ha«l just removed tIn­
I n one of the Bnsiklyn armories there
The following church notice was re­
longs of bread toasted to a golden collar from her «log, intvmimg to re
is a working model of an eight-inch cently exhibited: "Tiie service on Sun­
brown, slightly buttered ami piled in place it at once, was«*alh«l to th«* door
one or two layers, log cabin fashion, and her dog slipped past her running coast-delense gull which the regiment day morning is at 11 a. in. The suppo­
uses for actual target practice. Tiie gun sition that it is ten minutes later is a
without breaking, on a folded napkin;
or the sipp«*ts are of untoast«*«! bread into the street. It was an unlucky is of the usual size and is provided with mistake. Young men are not excluded
arranged on a hot plate, th«* Juice from move, for just then tin* pound wagon the necessary accessories, but it is made from the week night service. Tiie seats
drove in sight and the «iriver spied the chiefly of wood. Tiie plojectiles are hi the front portion of tiie church have
roasted beef or mutton poured over.
dog. Ilian instant th«* man was in full cylinders made of paper a quarter of an been carefully examined. They are
A Wratlier GI man .
chase and there was u lively skirmish inch ui thickness, and have a pointed quite sound and may be„trusted not to
A simple weather glass Is made thus: l»etw«*«*n the owner and the poumhnas-
give way. It is quite legitimate to
Obtain a glass Jar, such as is used for ter. lit* would not listen t«» her when rublier Head and a wooden disc at the join in tiie singing. The object of the
base. They have a band of felt, which
pickles, and put some water into it;
sht* told him that she had only jud enables them to take the rifling of the choir is to encourage, not discourage,
then get a bottle with a long neck, if
the congregation.”—London Answers.
possible, and put it in the Jar, with the remove«! th«* collar, but insiste«! on gun perfectly. Tiie gun is discharged
taking
th«*dog.
She
finally
pick«*«!
her
neck downward. till the mouth just
l>y compressi'd air, the device for tile
Giving' Iler Light to llle.
touche*« the water. When th«* water pet up in h«*r arms and tried to run operation having lieen specially made
A small farmer in Aberdeenshire,
rises in the bottle. It Is going to rain, into th«* I oust*, but sin* was not «|Ui«*k lor the purpose. The gun is fired at having a wife that had been long ail­
and when It is down fin«? weather pre­ enough, for th«* rough, cow ardly rutllan
ing and confined to lied, was of so nig­
targets set up in the armory.
vails.
knocked her «low n, M*iz«*<! I lie «log ami
gardly a disposition that lie grudged
tiie poor woman so much as a light.
threw it into th«* c «g«* and drov«* oil
Drama in England and Japan.
A Kind Word.
She in a pet one night exclaimed, “Oh,
swearing ami «Ivtionnciiig women gen­
Many a friendship, lung, loyal and erally f«»r giving him so much trouble.
National drama began its career in lsna this an unco’ thing that a pulr
self sacrificing, resteil at first on no Home frienil got tin* dog for her again, England and Japan at about the same body 'll nae get light to see to dee.”
thicker a foundation than a kind word.
The husband rises up and lights a can­
ami lit* is a sworn enemy «>f the pound time. In I57o tikuni, a priestess, who
Two men were not likely to be friends.
ran away from the temnle (but made dle and, placing it at the lied toot,
says to his wife, ‘‘There, dee hoo!”—
Perhaps each of them regarded the man, for w hem ver tin* wagon comes in
her peace With the god (inamuji by de­
other with something of «listrust. They sight he ! h * coiiivs fi* i<-« al oil«*«», snarl
Scottish American.
voting
part
of
tiie
receipts
to
repairing
had possibly been set against each oth­ ingaiid showing his t«*eth and barking
Mlndlreeted I’lillantliropy.
er by the circulation of gossip or they in a terrific manner. It would In* an his shrine , gave her first theatrical
“Ah got no use fo‘ de man." said
performance
at
Kyoto.
In
157ti
“
the
had been looked upon as rivals, and unlucky day for (lie pound man if he
Charcoal Eph in one of Ills philo­
the success of one w as regarded as In- shoiihl come m*ar with rmthing to de­ Earl of Leicester's servants” erected
sophical turns, "dot donate er thousan’
«oinpatible with th«* success of the oth­ fend himself with, i lit* owner of th«* tlw first public theater in Blaekfriars.
dollahs t‘ de heathen fund ob tie fash
er, but a kiml word. perhaps a mere re
dog has never s«*«*n a w< II «lay since th«* |
lonable church wid one bail’ an’ raise
port of a kind word. has been enough
Biilmnie plague has been working de rents on his tenement houses wld
t<* be the commencement of an endur­ |x>und man so brutally kn<n*ke«l fieri
down. Sfi«* has no money and no In-1 great havoc in the Z s> at .Sydney. Birds, de udder. All 'spec' be bettali begin
ing friendship.
fiuential friends, and sfi«- would gain Is'asts and reptiles have all died of it. practicin’ crawlin' fro' de eye ob er
nothing by going to law with her They kept an I mliitn sheep alive by needle. Mistab Jackson!”-Baltimore
O.ltlltle. of Color Rllnilne...
News.
While the number of color blind per- troubles Others Imve done this Indore | large potions of whisky and milk,
Ponltlvr Proof.
tint
at
last
it
stieeunibed
also-
to
plague,
her
and
have
not
Isen
benefited
by
the!
bons I h »ot very large, only about live
Judge—What proof have we that tills
not to whisky.
In every hundred suffering from any attempt.
man is absentmlmbd?
defect in this respect and most of those
• • s *
Attorney—Why, he actually stopped
Bcm tit your friends, that they may
being affected only In a minor <legree,
This la<ly was telling Polly some of
yet the phenomenon sometimes as the tricks of her pet. lie Ims a nay <>l , love you more dearly stijl. ■ Benefit his automobile nt a watering fountain.
—Philadelphia Ilecord.
smnes very remarkable phases.
opening doors by turning I he knob with I your enemies, that they may at least
An oculist states that he found two
Is'cnme your friends.
his
mouth,
and
so
he
has
lull
sway
in
A Poa.lhllity,
persons who possessed luoiioclironiatie
“So you refused him?’ said Maud.
vision that Is to say, all colors ap­ the house, but the front d<s>r was a
When we get what we want, we do
“Yes,” replied Mabel. “I told him I
peared to them to be simply different puzzle to him on account of il being i not enjoy it as much as we had antici­
shall send back any letters unopened.”
always kept locked. But lie Ims solved ‘
shades of gTay.
pated.
“I wouldn’t lie so rude. There might
If the lender will look at a photo­ the problem of tlmt door Very nicely,;
be theater tickets in some of them!”
graph of a landscape or, better, of a for when he wants to get in he stand-
Win •ii a fool g«*tM angry, II«* openz I i I m
garden filled with brilliant flowers, he on bls hind find, reaches up amt touches nioiilli mid m I ii H m I iim ey«*M.
There Is n wide difference In getting
will be able to form an idea of the ap the electric In'll with his foot and he
what we think we deserve and getting
pearance which nature must present
never fails to lie admittrsl. Ilia owner
A I»oy I m iiMihtlly r«*H«ly t«» «*»1 every what h In store for us sometimes.—
to one who suffers from the Infliction
had Iss'li ill the Imbil of sending him lini«* Io* Mlojw plnying.
Pittsburg Gazette.
called mouoehrouiiitic vision.
AUTHORS’ BLUNDERS.
Rome .Mistakra Io Which th«* Moo««
Suu «nd ¥% iod bin ure.
The muon pruves a terrifile pitfall to
moat writer«. Wilkie Collins on«*«* per­
formed the marvelous feat of making
it rise in the west. Elder Haggard, in
“King Solomon'a Miuea,” relies for tiie
effective rendering of one of bia must
thrilling scenes upou an eclipse of the
new moon.
Coleridge placed a star betw«*«*n the
horns of the <*rescent moon, forg«*tting
thut to be visible in such a position the
star would have to be betw«*en th«*
earth and the moon or, any. 2.” u , ihm )
mil«*a away only.
Next to the moou perhaps th«* suu Is
r«»sponaible f«»r more glaring errors
than anv single coijcrete cause. At
tin* b«*ginniug <»f a certain famous nov­
el. tlu* title of which a tew yeara back
was in everybody’s mouth, an invalid
character’® room was said to have
been lighted by on«* window looking
din*«*t!y toward th«* east. Yet at th«*
en«l of th«* book, when th«* invalid dies,
the author, wishing to make him de­
part this life In a flood of glory, suf
fuses tliis east«»rn wlndow«*<l ro«nn with
“the red glare of tin* setting sun.”
Kingsley, too. made one «if his heroes
row out Into the eastern ocean after
th«* setting sun. But even this glaring
absurdity lias l»c«*n capped. In a novel
published by a well known firm there
occurs the following passage, the scene
being lai<! on board a big sailing ship:
“’How’s tin* wind?’ ask«*«l th«* skip­
per. ’East-nortlmast,’ r«pli«*«l th«* mat«*,
glancing at th«* mastheail pennant,
which was streaming blithely in the
direction indicated.” So that in the
world, according to nov«»lists, we
should nut only find the sun s«*tting in
tin* east, but pennants would ‘ stream”
against Hi«* <lir«?<*tion of th«* prevailing
wind,
CHOICE MISCELLANY HUMOR OF THE HOUR
The Heartleaa Sea.
It is reported that President Loubet
was not at all comfortable during the
first four days of bis journey to Rus­
sia on board the great cruiser Mont­
calm and that some of the members
of his suit, particularly M. Delcasse.
were quite incapable of doing Justice
to the toothsome morsels spread for
them in the presidential cabin by the
specially provided Parisian chef. In
tills Hie distinguished Frenchmen are
not alone, for other equally famous
sons of Gaul have shown before them
that tiie sea was meant for men of
other clay. Louis XIV. was a wretch­
ed sailor and seldom ventured far in
one of his great ships of war. Napo­
leon 1. had a perfect horror of tiie sea
and was Invariably seasick. Admiral
d'Estaing. tiie much vaunted opi»onent
of Nelson, was happier on the quays
of Toulon than on the deck of his flag­
ship. and, coming down to later days,
Napoleon HI.. Boulanger and Gam-
bettu were miserable on lsiard ship.
The gallant Boulanger collasped en­
tirely when tiie vessel began to roll,
anil Mme. Bernhardt says of her last
voyage, "1 die, I expire, I lose my
soul entirely with every pitch of the
heartless sea.”—London Express.
Kl««lna> Abolished.
larloua Application«.
"I observe that you use the phrase
•critical operation' very frequently."
••Yes.” .answered the physician. “It
often applies. Sometimes it refers to a
crisis in the patient's condition and
sometimes to the remarks of our pro­
fessional fifiaociatfifi." — Washlugtuu
Star.
Took
Him
LlterMlly.
Cinder Charley—I told dat lady 1
was merely tryln' to keep soul an’ body
toget her.
Billy Trucks- What did she say?
Cinder Charley- She gave me a safe­
ty pin.—Philadelphia Record.
X» Argument There.
“Tills,” said the philosopher, “is h
time of unrest. It”—
"You're right,” interrupted the new
papa. "I haven't liad a good night’s
sleep for two weeks.”—Chicago Rec
ord-ilerald.
Entile Knowledge.
"I don't want to know how to make
money go farther," he insisted.
"Why not?”
"Just because 1 personally find it too
far off as it is.”—Philadelphia North
American.
Nothing Doing.
The most cherished prerogative of
“Wliat Is the matter with Bills?”
the lord lieutenant of Ireland has been
“Worrying over business affairs.”
abolished. Heretofore it lias been his
“1 didn’t know lie had any busi­
duty and privilege to kiss publicly ev­ ness.”
ery woman when first she was present­
"That’s it. He hasn't.”— Indianapo­
ed at a Dublin drawing room. He did lis News.
this twice a year, usually having to
salute with his lips several hundred
Defined.
women on each occasion. He kissed
"Pa,” said the little mosquito, “what
them smack ou the lips too.
does 'perseverance' mean, anyway?"
Now, however, an edict has gone
“Perseverance, my child,” replied
forth that there shall be no more kiss­ the wise old Insect, "means finding a
ing in public in Dublin castle. When hole in a wire screen.”- Philadelphia
the young. |>oetic widower, Lord Press.
A TOPSY TURVY ROOM.
Houghton, was lord lieutenant, tiie
young girls used to flock to the vi.v
A Valid Reanon.
A FreiK'litiuin Who ria,. I’ractleal
regal court, and his kissing created a
Joke» on III» G iii - m I m .
sensation for the artistic and fervid
A “topsy turvy room,” writes a cor­ miinner in which it was performed.
respondent. not illusory, lint actually Tiie present lord lieutenant is getting
so built, existed near Paris some years along in years, though by no means an
ago and may still exist. One who saw old man, and perliaps lie will relin­
it thus describes It and tiie use to quish tills perquisite of bis vice regal
which It was put: ”1 was tiie guest of duties without protest. But what about
the owner of the house,” lie says, tiie young Irish beauties who are
“from Saturday to Monday. He was a about to be presented?—Ledger Month­
bachelor, very convivial In bis tastes,
and we were a very jolly party of men. ly-
When we woke up, about 2 o'clock on
Theater Dre»» In Paris.
tiie Sunday morning, one of our num­
Theater goers in Paris liave to recall
ber. sound asleep on tiie eoueli in the the day of the week when they are go­
billiard room, was carried out like a ing off to see a particular play If they
log by a couple of servants. My host would be “comme il faut.” The even­
gave me n solemn wink anil told me ing dress for every occasion after 7 by
Unit if a sudden summons came 1 was no means applies In Paris, where de­
to rush from my bedroom or else 1 collete gowns are only for special func­
might miss a sight worth seeing. I tions. Tills Is the recognized opera
wanted nothing but sleep and was re dress, but tiie ordinary theater gown,
“Why don’t we ever make Swlggerly
lleved when tiie summons came to And beautifully made of evening dress ma­
terials though it may be, is high necked, toastmaster?”
that it was broad daylight.
"Yawning. 1 followed the valet and and the arms are always covered. Even
found myself, with four others, silent­ a pretty blouse and a dark skirt serve
ly peeping through little holes In the well for theater wear, but should a
wall. The scene was absurd, ridicv- visit be made to tiie playhouseou Tues­
lous. A dazed man slowly waking to day the rule is all altered, for at the
full consciousness was lying on a plas­ t'ouiedte Française, for instance, the
tered floor, looking up In horror at a state theater, every one appears in
carpeted celling. Two heavy couches, evening dress on this one day of the
an easy chair, chairs atid tallies se­ week, and neither maid nor matron
curely fastened stared down nt him would have a very happy time if, for­
from above. The man's eyes at last getting Hie day. she wore but ordinary
rested ou a floweri>ot directly over his theater dress and found lierself in the
head, from which a flaring rose, ap­ midst of friends and others wearing
“Because he can’t hold bis glass lu
parently real, was blooming. lie gave most elaborate gowns.
bls baud lung enough.”*
a ery and. rolling over, grasped witli
Satlntactory Identification.
frenzied hands the stem ot tiie chande­
Bank officials often have queer ex­
lier. which came up through the floor.
Clrcu» Clown».
Tiie host burst into the room, with a periences with people over the ques
Bill — Did you ever know a circus
loud laugh. 'They all do it,’ he cried. tion of proper identification, but the clown to get off anything funny?
‘They fear they will fall up to the cell­ paying teller of the City Trust compa­
Jill-Why, yes.
ny had one sprung on him tile other
"Wliat, for Instance?”
ing-’ ”_______________
day that was entirely out of the ordi­
“His ring clothes.”—Yonkers States­
“Sit" nn<l “Set.”
nary. A sunburned man who looked man.
Some one who believes In teaching like a sea captain came in with a
by example has concocted a lesson in check payable to bis order which he
Anzlou» to Try.
the use of two little words which have wanted to get cashed. The teller was
“Matrimony," mused the elderly Wo­
been a source <»t mortification and satisfied that the cheek was all right, man, "spoils many a romance.”
trouble to many well meaning persons. lint lie didn't know the bearer from
"In that case,” replied the younger
A man or woman either can set a Adam. It was nearly 3 o'clock, and woman promptly, "I would like to
lien, although they cannot sit her; nei­ the man seemed in a great burry for have a romance spoiled.” — Chicago
ther can they set on her, although the the money. He said be knew very few Post.
hey might sit ou them by tiie hour if people in Philadelphia and it would
they would allow it.
lie impossible for him to get any one
Not Waited.
A man cannot set on the wash to identify him before the close of
She—You say you couldn't drink the
bench, but lie could set the basin ou it, banking hours. “Maybe this will do,” coffee at the hotel. I suppose you
and neither the basin nor tile gram­ lie said, taking off Ids eoat and rolling threw it away.
marians would object.
up his sleeve. There ou his arm was
Boarder—No; 1 used it in my foun­
He could sit on the dog’s tail if the tattooed his name in- India ink. and tain pen.—St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
dog were willing or be might set his the teller decided that no further Iden­
foot on it. But if he should set on the tification was necessary.—Philadelphia
Not So Fuat.
aforesaid tail or sit his foot there the Record.
Minister—Once 1 married four cou­
grammarians as well its the dog
ples in fifteen minutes.
Cnnker of Modern Improvement.
would howl. metaplioricall.V'at least.
Captain—Let's see; that’s sixteen
And yet the man might set tiie tail
"Years liad elapsed since I saw the knots an hour. We can beat that eas­
aside and then sit down and lie as­ house with the seven guides supposed ily.—New York Herald.
sailed neither by the dog nor by the to lie the one which inspired Haw­
grammarians.
thorne's immortal story, and, being in
Couldn't Get Within Hniige,
Its vicinity recently. 1 went to see it
“One of these guns can throw a pro­
Sot Worr,'. tint Slinoher.
again,” says a writer in tiie Boston jectile sixte«» miles."
They were discussing suicides and Herald. “But I wish I hadn't, for that
“It wouldn’t do me any good. My
Hie proueness ot different peoples to venerable domicile has been touched
depart in that way when one of those with the canker of modern improve­ mother-in-law lives thirty miles front
engaged in tiie conversation turned to ment. Electric lights, a furnace and here.”—New York Press.
a colored man and asked, “Why is it bathroom and kitchen boilers serve to
Cloae Re«eml»luii<*e.
that so few of your people take their render the old time home of Salem's
“Contentment,” said Uncle Eben, “is
own lives?”
watchmaker ‘comfortable,’ but an aw­
After scratching Ills head a moment ful paradox, in Hie opinion of the an­ a mighty tine thing, but de trouble
the person addressed responded, "Well, tiquarian. not to say romancer. 1 won­ about it is dat it is kin’ o' balid to
I tell you, boss; when a nigger sits der wliat Hawthorne would say to the 'stingulsh f'um plain laziness.”—Wash­
down he don’t worry, but goes to changes there. If this is really the fa­ ington Star.
Bleep.”— New York Times.
tuous house, one wishes It might have
I.ooklnu Bnckmirtl.
been preserved as America's foremost
“And how did you feel as that hor­
Bnvled the Other Boy.
prose writer described it in that clas­
Johnny— 1 wisli I was Tommy Jones. sic and as Miss Ingersoll left it when rible automobile was passing over
you ?”
Mother—Why? You are stronger she departed this life.”
“All run down.”—Chicngo Record-
than he is, yo'u have a better home,
Herald.
more toys and more pocket money.
PiriKponK' For flir Mnnnra.
Johnny—Yes, 1 know, but lie can
The poor are in fashion, too. in a
It Seldom Falla.
wiggle liis ears.-Men of Tomorrow.
way. They are playing pingpong on
Ping—I tiled tiie faith cure for rheu­
tiie pavements of New York. In this matism tills spring.
Experience the Only Tcni-her.
street game no rackets are used, but
Pong—Did it cure you?
She—There's really no reason for Hie children use tiie palms of their
Ping—Yes, of iny faitli.—Chicago
married folks to quarrel.
hands in their stead. The ball is some­ News.
He—No, except that they generally times a rubber one and sometimes of
need a few quarrels to find that out.
A Habit W<< Have.
celluloid. The balls can be purchased
We kicked till we were weary,
Brooklyn TJfe.
for 1 or 2 cents, anil thut Is the com­
We drained grim sorrow's cup.
plete cost of the game. White chalk
We howled till we were leary
The man who has the most to say lines marked on the asphalt pavement
When the price of meat went up;
about charity beginning at home Is serve as tables, and tiie game can be
But, mum a» are the oysters,
We show no outward signs
generally the one who thinks ttiat re­ seen almost any clear day in any as­
Ot hear a thankful murmur
form ought to begin on tiie other side phalt paved tborouglifare.—New York
When th. price of meat declines.
Letter.
ot the world.
—Indianapolis Sun.
<|nlte AniltHhlr.
"Why did you quit your Job? Did
you Im ve g, disagreement Willi the
boss ?”
“Oh, no; not nt nil. 1 told him 1 had
tu have more money or I would quit,
and he said II was mutually sati.u'ac
tory."—Indianapolis News.
Expanded Them.
Pal Definition,
"What does this mean, daughter?
Hi •re Is another lot of milliners' and
dressmakers' bills. Don’t ybu remem­
ber that 1 expressly ordered you not
to contract any more debts without
my knowledge?”
“Certainly, papa, but 1 haven't con­
tracted any debts. On the contrary,
I've expanded them.”
In a Liverpool school lately a num
ber of scholars were asked to explain
the meautng of the term “righteous in­
dignation.”
One little chap replied:
“Being angry without cussing.”
It Is not generally known that, size
for size, a thread of spider silk Is de
cldedly tougher than a liar of steel.’ An
“Why do they speak of It as n hun­
Do von roast people to their face or ordinary thread will bear a weight of
gry sen ?”
behind their backs? The last trick Is three grains. This is Just about 50 pet
"It takes tiie dinner rigid out of n cowardly, the other foolish.—Atchison cent stronger than a steel thread uf th«
person's mouth.”- Town ami Country. Globe.
same thickness.
The llunttry Sen.
V