I
PARSON
HARWOOD’S
CURVES
•
i gs
By Bert Estes ;
Copyright, 1901, by Bert Estas.
b
AI.I.IA CITY, like rnont Ohio
river towns, bad a mixed pop-
lation frill of sharp antago
nisms. social. polltleal and re
ligious.
Notwithstanding, there was
one l<s-al institution about which there
was only one mind. The Gallia City
Basebull club, the apple of the muuic-
Ipal eye. was felt to be set for the city’s
defense against the world In general
and the nine from Centerport In par
ticular.
Centerport, a few miles down the
river, was a high headed little town
given to vaunting itself unseemly and
challenging other towns to come out
and meet their doom. Worse than that,
Centerport bad in band a large stock
of doom and was liberal In applying It
—over the diamond. The mutual scorn
of Centerport and Gallia City had
something tragic In Its Intensity. To
beat Centerport was the summit of
Galllan achievement; Centerport lived
only to repeat its victories over the
hated foe. In both business of all sorts
was transacted as a sort of adjunct to
the larger mission In life.
Brent Harwood came to Gallia City
to supply Dickson's pulpit while Dick
son. poor man, was away In hospital.
Dickson was the Presbyterian minis
ter. Harwood was to live In the va
cant parsonage and take bls meals ever
with the Potters.
Dickson bad ar
ranged all that. Harwood hoped be
had arranged also for some one to meet
him, but when he stepped off the boat
from Cincinnati early one Saturday
morning ami looked about be found
none to welcome him.
When the dock bad been deserted by
all but roustabouts and chronic loung
ers, Harwood made up bls mind that
there was some hitch—bls letter of an
nouncement had possibly miscarried—
so he walked up to an old river man In
the frelghtbouse and said:
"I believe I am to board with a fam
ily here named Potter. Do you know
of any such people?”
“Know ’em! Why, sonny, they ain’t
mau. woman uer child—doggone It,
even er ornerey ya Iler purp ner scase-
ly er flea ou that purp—livin’ In these
here parts that I don't know! You bet
I know ’em—hull fiimbly, Includin’ the
eat—ole chap, with b’iles on his nose;
nice ole gal fer his missus, son, the gol-
alfernalest cuss in seventeen states ter
sell planners an' orgius, an' the son’s
wife, Annie, who Is Jest er great big
bunk <>' the salt o’ the earth. Say,
what d’ye want with ’em? Be ye one
o' them drummer chaps tryiu* ter sell
Pot some more goods?”
Harwood shook his head. “I’ve come
to spend tlie summer here,” be said.
”1 sliull take my meals with the Pot
ters and live ut the parsonage.”
“Why, It’s sbet up! Dickson’s gone
ter New York ter have some big doctor
cut him open an' right him up inside,”
the river man said.
“I did hear thar was a—say, young
fellow, you ain’t the new preacher
tliat’s coinin’?”
"I am going to try and preach,” Har
wood said modestly.
“My name Is
Harwood.”
“Brother Harwood,” faltered the riv
er mau, "lennne beg your pardou the
durmlest worst way. I had uo Idee—
you don’t look like a parson, you don’t
dress like it parson, you didn’t let on
you wus n parson—how In tuuklt was a
fellow to know? 1 hope you'll ferglt I
called you sonny. If you will, by grab,
you cau lick me if I don’t come to
church—not next Sunday, but some
time before you go.”
"Tliat’s a bargain,” Harwood said,
shaking hands before he made his way
to breakfast at the hotel.
Upon Ills second Monday morning in
Gallia City Harwood strolled down to
Rtevensou Potter's music store. Ste-
"Lemrne ht'i your pardon, brother Ilur-
wood," faltered the river man.
venson be had found a fine fellow, al
though everybody but his own family
did call him Pot. Pot, on his part, had
at flrat beeu doubtful of the young
preacher Just out of seminary, but aft
er a little bad said of him to a friend:
"Our parson Is all right from the
ground up, not one of those white chok-
ered fellows who go around with
faces as long as a snail track, as If
they had given up the world, the flesh
and the devil and were annlglity sorry
they had to. Harwood Is none of that
sort. He’s a man first and u minister
afterward."
As Harwood stepped Inside the tun
ale store a strung voice called across
the street;
"Hey, there. Pot!”
"Coming, colonel," Potter answered,
picking bis way across the newly
spriukled street to a big crockery store
opposite. A muscular young tejlow
leaned against the doorjamb.
"Here's the devil to pay aud uo pitch
hot, ami imglny far to water,” be said,
"t'euteipovl has challenged us to play
'em Satuidiiy, ami lorn Jurdau is ottt
uu a big, big bat. You know, there
ain't auotber man In the whole daru
town that can plt< li u ball within foui
feet of the plate. Centerport knows it
too-that's Just why they've ruu this
challenge ou us."
"Round up Tom. He cau get In
shape," Potter said confidently.
Colonel »uorted: "Round nothin !
Tom’s a holy terror when he’s on a
spree—besides, he's gone. Maybe the
Lord knows where he la—1 dou't. for
sure. It’s the very eussodest luck I’d
rather lose a li mid red dollars than
have theta fellows come and wallop us
— and we've got to play ’em. If we re
fuse they’ll crow over It forever aud
the day after."
"Great mud!" said Potter—be never
aahl anythiug stronger—"that mustn't
happen. Can't we Import a pitcher?
What’s the matter with Steveus of the
Riversides? He's a bird no mistake."
Colouel shook his bead. "Never do
lu the world," lie said. "’Twouldn’t
be a square deal for oue tiling; for an
other, they'd be sure to get on to It—
iind then”—
"Well, we’ve got to accept the chai
1< uge." Potter said. "Do it right away
and throw in a big bluff. Tell 'em
we've got a new pitcher that will tak«
all the kinks out of 'em. Then we
must rustle for a pitcher—we’ve got to
— that's all."
"Lord, Pot, it makes me sick abed
thinkin’ of the luck of those Center
port scrubs,” Colonel said. “They’ve
beat us aud beat us ou flukes this way
— we've not had a fair show In the
longest time. And uow, Just as Tom
Jordan was pitching iu such great
shape, off lie goes and gets full agaiu.
Wish the old mau Jordau would pitch
him in the river, neck and crop—It's
less tliau he deserves."
“Well, whining uor vusslug don't
help us, as 1 see. I'm going back to
talk with the preacher,” Potter said,
"Preacher be hanged!” Colouel said
Irreverently. "Are you going to set
him piayiug.ugalust the Centerports?”
Potter did not answer—the last word
caught him half way across the street.
"Who is your military friend?” Har
wood asked, smiling.
Potter explained briefly that Colo
nel was not a military man. He bad
been baptized that way and was the
"sou” of Roodsell & Sou. Moved by
hii impulse he did not understand, be
told also of the challenge aud of Gallia
City's predleameut. Harwood listened,
thrumming softly ou the strings of a
tine guitar. At the end he said:
“I'm feeling pretty dull and blue this
morning. Do you think your friend
Colonel would let me toss ball to him
long enough to set my blood circulat
ing?”
"Great mud, parson! Do you play
ball?” Potter asked.
"I did at college, also at the semina
ry. whenever .1 bad the chance," Har
wood answered. Potter whistled.
"Dickson almost had tits if you nam
ed baseball to him,” he said. "Why.
lie preached against It aud came near
losing his Job. He did lose half the
congregatlou. But come ou. I want
Colonel to see you.”
Colonel stared a little at Harwood's
request, but invited bls two visitors
out Into tlie alley back of the store,
where they might toss balls to their
hearts' content and not a soul be the
wiser. But to Harwood’s suggestion of
gloves be only said, “If It gets too hot,
I'll put 'em on, but 1 reckou there won’t
be any long whiskers on the balls you
pitch.”
Harwood's eye twinkled wickedly,
but be said nothing, only stripped off
coat, vest and collar and began to toss.
He played lightly, but easily. Colonel
caught with gn air of condescension
and returned the ball with a great
show of consideration for the minis
ter's soft hands. After a little Har
wood asked If Colonel would mind
catching a bit while tie tried ills band
at pitching.
"Blaze away, parson.” grinned Colo
nel. In a minute or two a square box
cover was iu place as a "home plate”
and Colonel behind It. caricaturing the
mau at the bat. Harwood pretended
not to see the implied satire. He step-
lied Into the pitcher's place, which lie
had marked at the proper distance. A
ball or two went over the plate true as
hii arrow.
"Good enough, parson!”
Colonel
laughed, still patronizingly. “You’ve
got the ball under bully control, sure."
Harwood said over bls shoulder to
Potter: “Open your eyes and get right
behind me. You’ll iee something. So
will Colonel." Then In a louder voice:
“Do you mind If I pitch a few stiffer
ones? 1 want to see If I have lost the
bang of It.”
“Let ’em come, parson!” Colonel
shouted back, almost convulsed that a
little man. whom he could fling over
Ills shoulder, should lie so considerate.
Harwood nodded, saying:
“Thank you. Of course 1 would not
put twist iu them unless I knew you
did not object. I wish you’d put on
gloves, though. I hate to pitch hard
to a man in bare bauds.”
“Gloves, nothin’!” Colonel said, al
most nettled. “Maybe I don't look
contagious, but you can bet your last
nick you'll find me catching.”
"Very well, tny Christian friend!”
Harwood called back. “Catching as
you may be, you are not entirely Im
mune. Mind out! Here goes!”
Biff! slzzl the ball went out of the
parson's right band like a rifle shot,
flipping off the ends of his Angers with
a crack Ilk* a whiplash. It started to
the right of Colonel so fast the oyo
could scarcely follow It. Colonel dart
ed to get behind it, when suddenly It
changed Its mind, plunged to the left,
passed him entirely and writbed, hiss
ing. far down the alley.
"Sufferin’ Jlnilny! What was that?"
gasped Colonel.
"Oh. only one of the things you
didn't catch—not exposed enough. I
fancy,” Harwood grinned. "Now let
me give you another.”
Whizz!
A great outshoot went
whistling through the air. Colonel did
his little dance again—only this time
he reversed. As he brought up stand
Ing. empty handed, he said In awe
struck tones:
"For the love o' God, parson, nobody
lint a crosseyed man could catch those
duui things! Get one right at me—
right here!" folding his hands In front
of his stomach.
"That’s right where they would go If
you didn't get out of the way. Stand
still and keep your eyes open," Har
wood commanded. "Now!”
Riff! Another sizzling Inshoot. Crack!
Colouel was in tie air dancing like a
wild Indian, trying to blow on his
hands and rub his elbows at the same
time. The ball had gone as Harwood
said The concussion of It had jarred
Colonel from finger tips to shoulder
blades.
"If you'd only put ou the mitts."
Harwood said, with a tantalizing grin,
"I'd like to throw you u few speedy
ones. Otherwise I'm really afraid I
might hurt you.”
"Hurt me!" Colonel's toue was ale
Ject. “Ami them paws feeling like a
full crockery crate hail smashed 'em.
I’m no glutton, parson. 1 know when
I’ve had enough. But, sa.v. you’re the
dceelvlngest package ever I struck.”
"Mr. "Harwood.” said Potter, “if you
don't mind I'll go get Bill Reed to come
ami catch for you."
"I should like It of all things.” said
Harwood.
" I lie little 1 have done
Ufd-es me feel a new man.”
".tie. ;■><>, mid a denied poor cue.”
Colonel added, but he plucked up spirit
to grill heartily when Potter came back
with Bill Reed, catcher to the Gallins,
two or three other members and sev
eral "fans" besides.
When Harwood suggested gloves.
Bill sniffed even more disdainfully than
Colonel had done. Harwood smiled as
lie took |M>sitlon In the box and said
softly: "Ray where you want the bulls,
Mr. Iteed. I'll try to [>ut them over t-he
plate about right."
Bill squatted back of the plate, spat
tobacco Juice on bls hands and said,
"Give <ts a low ball.”
Harwood gripped the leathern sphere,
lea|>ed the length of the box. gave a
twist of the wrist and let drive a
straight drop over the middle of tie
plate. Reed put up his hands; but. to
Ills amazement, the thing ducked un
der bls lingers and went skipping down
"I’m very Horry." Harwood »aid de
murely.
the alley. He was chagrined, of course,
but when Harwood again named gloves
he said almost roughly: "Don’t you lay
awake nights thlnkln* o’ Bill Reed. He
don't need no gloves to catch no preach
er’s pltcbln’.”
Harwood nodded and pitched the
same Inshoot he bad sent to Colonel,
Bill leaped to this side aud that ill a
vain attempt to get behind tlie ball.
As it passed him aud went hustling
through the dust he cried:
“Fellows, did you see that thing? If
I hadn't quit drinkin’. I’d swear I had
’em again!"
Potter lined up his forces behind the
Parson. Harwood winked at Potter;
then, with a motion like the uncoiling
of a ateel spring, he sent another ln-
sboot to Reed so swift that Reed had
no time to dodge it. Bill managed to
get his hands up in the instinctive
movement of self defense. He caught
and hung to the pigskin cannon ball,
though his Angers did not feel It, they
were so Jarred and numb.
"Whoop!” roared Bill, sitting down
suddenly and staring wild eyed at the
parson. “Boys," he went on solemnly,
“that wuz a close shave. If I hadn’t
caught the durned thing 'twould a gone
plumb through my Innards. Say,” look
ing ruefully at his hands, “no more
ball today, thank you! I've got to see
Doc Johnson about them things."
"I’m very sorry,” Harwood said de
murely. “but you wouldn’t put on
gloves for a parson's pitching, you
know. Soak your hands in very hot
water; It will set them all right. Now,
la there any other gentleman who cares
to play ball?”
In the soft, warm twilight of that
eventful day Harwood sat coatless and
comfortable in the parsonage study.
He was smoking and trying hard to
keep cool. He was also very lonely
and. It must be confessed, blue from
staying alone In the deserted house.
Bo he was genuinely glad to hear heavy
steps upon the gravel and a little later
to welcome Potter, Colonel, Reed and
some more men he did not know.
“This Isn’t exactly a social call,” Pot
ter began, “yet we can't exactly call It
business.and the fact Is we're all afraid
to begin,”
"Oh. ho! Somebody going to commit
matrimony? Who is it—Colonel or my
friend Reed?" Harwood asked, his eyes
twinkling. Reed grinned broadly. The
day before he would have thrashed the
man who had named him friend to a
parson. But a man who could play such
ball-that was another matter altogeth
er.
“You’re dead wrong, parson. That
sort of thing comes right in your line,
and ours Is way off it.” Potter said.
“We are In a hole. We waut your help,
but we don't know how you'll take our
proposition.”
“But you do know—at least you ought
to—that If I can legitimately help you
or any one In this town I shall be both
proud anil linppv to do It.” said Har
wood.
“But this is clean outside ministerial
duty." Potter began. Harwood smiled.
"I ani a man as well as a minister."
he said..
(TO be continued .)
Valuable Adviee.
Young luidy-A friend of mine U en
gaged to a man, and now be refuses to
marry her. What would you advise her
to do?
Old Lawyer—la the man wealthy?
Young Lady—No. He hasn't a shil
ling.
Old Lawyer—Then I’d advise her to
write him a ulce letter of thanks.—
Lendos Telegraph.
HEART STIMULANT.
WEBSTER AS A DRINKER.
The <.«•«■■« Orator'» Deep Potatlo»»
Hrtore Two Fanaoas Sprrrhe».
Cold
There is a deep sealed belief amount
ing almost to a superstition that alco
hol is a very important heart stimu
lant, especially when this organ Is
weak. Wluternltz. the great authority
on hydrotherapy iu Germauy. has
often told us of the very great value
of cold ns a heart stimulant or tonic
and that It is far superior to alcohol in
this respect. Dr. Kellogg gives the
method of application uh follows:
“The application consists of a com
press applied to the portion of the
chest wall over the heart. ThlB com
prises the apace bounded by the Becond
rib above, the right liorder of the
sternum, a line fulling a half inch to
tlie right of the nipple and the sixth
rib below. The compress should be
large enough to cover this space aud
to extend at least two inches outside
of it. Ordinarily tlie best effects are
produced by employing water at a
temperature of about 60 degrees. The
compress should be wrung moderately
dry and should be very lightly covered.
It is desirable that cooling by slow
evaporation should be encouraged and
be continued for some time.”
Dr. Kellogg continues: "In Germany
and Frnnee it is the custom to adminis
ter alcohol to the patient Just before
putting him In a cold bath. Some prac
titioners. as Wlnternitz, administer but
a very small amount, a single mouthful
of wine, for Instance, while others
give brandy Iti considerable quantities.
A few American practitioners employ
brandy freely with the cold bath. The
unwisdom of this practice will be ap
parent on due consideration of the fol
lowing facts:
“One purpose lu administering the
cold bath is to secure a true stimulant
or tonic effect by arousing the vital
energies through excitation of the
nerve centers. Alcohol was once sup
posed to be capable of effecting this
and was used for this purpose in ty
phoid fever and various other morbid
conditions accompanied by depression
of the vital forces. At the present
time, however, it Is well known, and
with practical unanimity admitted,
that alcohol is neither a tonic nor a
stimulant, but a narcotic; that it de
presses and does not excite; that It
THE GREAT POETS.
lessens and does not increase the ac
Do Mot stndr Titrm For Knowledge! tivity of tlie nerve centers, and that
this is true of small ns well as large
Read Them For Coltore.
Young men and young women actual doses, ns has been shown by the re
ly go to college to take a course In sell relies of careful Investigators.”—
Shakespeare or Chaucer or Dante or Ilenltli.
the Arthurian legends. The course be
ORCHARD AND GARDEN.
comes a mere knowledge course. My
own acquaintance with Milton was
Give the roots of trees a deep and
through an exercise In grammar We
parsed "Paradise Lost.” Much of the broad bed of soil to start and grow in.
In pruning the grape cut back to the
current college study of Shakespeare
is little better than parsing him. The third bud, ns it is usually the first en
class falls upon the text like bens tirely perfect bud produced.
When winds prevail from any direc
upon a bone in winter. No meaning
of phrase escapes them; every line tion. as they usually do, lean the tree a
is literally picked to pieces. But of little in that direction when setting out
The essentials lu making a good gar
the poet himself, of that which makes
him what he Is, how much do they den are rich soil, plenty of manure,
get? Very little, 1 fear. They have good seeds, timely labor and a fair sea
had intellectual exercise and not an son.
emotional experience. They have add
Having the soil in a good tilth and
ed to their knowledge, but have not planting in straight rows will save
taken a step in culture.
much labor in cultivating in the gar
To dig into the roots and origins of den.
the great poets Is like digging into the
One of the best ways of gettiug rid of
roots of an oak or maple the better to moss and lichens adhering to tho bark
Increase your appreciation of the beau of trees la an application of lime white-
ty of the tree. There stands the tree « ash.
in all Its summer glory. Will you real
In taking trees from u uursery or for
ly know It any better after you have
est, preserve all of the roots aud fine
laid bare every root and rootlet? There rootlets possible. Dig out instead of
stand Homer, Dante, Chaucer and
pulling up the tree.
Shakespeare. Read them, give your
When the fruit or leaves of any plant
self to them, and master them if you
or tree are eaten by insects of any kind,
are man enough.
The poets are not to be analyzed; spraying In good season and sufficient
they are to be enjoyed; they are not to ly often is the safest and best remedy.
Gladiolus bulbs should be planted in
lie studied, but to be loved; they are
not for knowledge, but for culture— full sunshine, four or five inches deep
to enhance our appreciation of life and and about one foot apart Good soil,
our mastery over Its elements. All the rather sandy, is best, avoiding manure,
mere facts about a poet's work are as especially if flesh.
clinff ns compared with the apprecia
Tn the Point.
tion of one flue line or tine sentence.
An incident which occurred while
Why study a great poet nt all after tho
manner of the dissecting room? Why Admiral Dewey was commanding tho
not rather seek to make the acquaint Asiatic squadron and one which illus
ance of his living soul and to feel its trates his Independence is one known
power?—John Burroughs in Century.
as "the coal incident”
It seems that his squadron «-«» in
need of coal, but instead of writing to
William Shakespeare.
Wliat point of moral», of manner», of tlie chief of tlie bureau of equipment
economy, of philosophy, of religion, of at the navy department he purchased a
taste, of the conduct of life, has be not large amount of coal without consult-
settled? What mystery has be not sig lug the department.
The following is the correspondence
nified his knowledge of? What office
or function or district of man’s work between the admiral and Captain Brad
bns he not remembered? What king ford. the chief of the bureau of equip
has be not taught state, us Talma inent, and Is self explanatory:
taught Napoleon? Wbat maiden has
Navy Department. Washington.
not fonnd him Oner than her delicacy? To Dewey, Manila:
Why
did
you buy »o much coal?
Wbat lover has he notoutloved? What
BRADFORD.
sage has be not outseen? Wbat gen
Flagship Olympia. Manila.
tieman has be not instructed In the To Bradford, Chief Bureau Equipment,
rudeuess of his behavior?—Ralph Wal
Washington:
To burn.
DEWEY.
do Emerson.
—Saturday Evening Post.
Daniel Weister was invited to Rich
ino nl iu the fifties. He accepted the in
vilntion. came to Richmond and went
to llm Exchange ho el. He was Invited
by i he »into legislature to adilres.*
them and the people of Richmond, and
a committee consisting of James l.yont
of Richmond and Robert E. Scott of
Fauquier, two of the most eminent
lawyers In the state, were sent down tc
the hotel to escort him to the capito!
building. They found Mr. Webster It
a state of Intoxication In such degre«
that Mr. Lyons said to Mr. Scott: "Tlili
nuin can’t make a speech. You must
take his place.” Mr. Scott replied, "Nc
man can take the place of Daniel Web
ster.”
After delay, during which Mr. Web
ster improved a little, he was asked it
he would go to the capitol. He replied,
"Yes.'
With great difficulty Messrs
Scott and Lyons supported and helped
Idin to the capitol. When they reached
the rotunda near the Washington stat
ue, Mr. Lyons said, "Mr. Webster, de
you think you cau speak?” “If you will
give me a drink of brandy, yes."
A messenger was sent to a neighbor
ing hotel and a bottle of brandy
brought. Mr. Webster poured out suc
cessively two goblets full and drank
them off, straightened himself up,
shook himself as a lion might have
done, walked steadily and directly tc
the position from which he spoke, on
the south porch of the capitol, and in
the presence of an audience of 5.000
people, which consisted of the intellec
tuality and beauty of Richmond, male
and female, made his celebrated Octo
ber speech, one of the greatest even of
his life.
Edward Everett related that on the
day Webster replied to Hayne of South
Carolina he walked with him to the
capitol; that he seemed so badly pre
pared that he doubted bin) and feared
that he was not equal to the occasion;
that Just before be rose to speak he
drank a goblet of brandy and then
made bls great speech In reply to
llayne, which Is an English classic.
Such was the effect of the beverage on
Webster.—Beverages.
ReiRril For Sarired Tree».
Throughout the length and breadth
of India the Ficus religlosa, under
which Buddha rested for seven years
plunged in divine thought, is dedicated
to religious worship and may on uo ac
count be felled or destroyed.
Wi
more universal but not less sincere rev
erence do the peasants of Russia pros
trate themselves before the trees which
they are aIwiiit to cut and deprecate the
vengeance of the deities whose rest
ing places they then proceed to de
stroy.— Gentleman's Magazine.
The Wrung nf Intolerance.
Tlie intolerant state of mind is in
jurious both to the state and to the in
dividual.
It goes with conceit aud
deadly pride. The strange thing is
that men are apt to plume themselves
upon their intolerance. It is evident
that a man’s conduct aud a nation's
conduct should be the result of thought
and Judgment, but intolerance stops
thought and destroys judgment.—Cen
tury.
Bnliy’i Name.
"But why did you name your baby
Hl» Mental laeapaeltr.
after his most disreputable ancestor?”
The Court—So you ask divorce from the surprised friend asked the proud
this man on the ground of mental inca young mother
pacity. What proof have you that he's
“Well, you see I expect him to Im
Insane?
prove on the former bearer of the
The Woman—Who said he was in mime Ind.... I. he hardly can help IL
sane, your honor?
lieeaiHe the ancestor was so very bad.
The Court—Why, you say he Is men It' I had named him after the most dis-
tally Incapable.
tiiigtlislied member of the family, he
The Woman—Yes; Incapable of un might not have lived up to the name.
derstanding that I'm boss.—Baltimore Ilaliies hardly ever do when they are
News.
named for great personages, as I have
often noticed.” New York Press.
One Varied Seaaon».
The longest cold season In the United
States Is found In the Rocky mountain
region, whore it exceeds the warm by
about ten days. The warm season in
Texas and the lower Missouri valley
opens about ten days earlier than In
the region near tlie middle Atlantic
coast ami from twenty to twenty-five
days earlier than on the southern coast
of California.
In the northwest the
warm season opens from twenty to
twenty-five days earlier than In the
lake region and from fifteen to twenty
days earlier thau iu the north Pacific
coast region.
CLARK’S LATEST AND BEST.
V|,pll<-«tlonw «»perlor Io Draft»
o< Alcohol.
Phyalcally. Mot .Mentally.
Dick —You were born to be a writer.
Charlie.
Charlie (blushitiglyl—Ah. you’ve seen
some of the things I've turned off.
Dick—No
I was thinking what a
splendid ear you have for carrying a
pen.-Stray Stories.
Office» nnd Olltceaeeker».
It frequently happens that when a
man gets an office he finds it too small
for him.
But they're all willing to
squeeze in. —Atlanta Constitution.
FuruuUud with «olid Disc if you want theiu.
Wood Exleusiuu Head if you prefer it.
All Mael. H«ver>dble, Double Lever« Kx-
(eu«t<m Head. The be>t Disc Harrow uow on
the market. Llchteat draft. Does the best work.
Can be used to throw the earth to or from the tree.
Can ar drawn together and used in the regular
length or extended as shown. 5, 6 and » feet cut
are reversible and carry the Extension Head HI
aud 1’3 feet cut are not
tj sible
FARMERS AND MANUFACTUREIS’ ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA.
222 Milinion Street, fian Francisco.
A RIVER OF LAND.
AatoMlflhliiu Amount oi
I'ltin» !><»«% ii i hr M
Kart b
That
"The capacity of the Mississippi for
filling up canals and old channels Is
something awful," suvs John .Swain In
Ailislee's. "Government engineers have
found that tlie amount of solid matter j
annually < al l ied past Vicksburg In sus
pension is enough to make a block of
earth 300 feet high and a mile square.
Fifty feet off the top of this Is spread
around on the valley between here and
the sea. and the rest goes out Into the
gulf of Mexico to build up more conti
nent.
"Think what that means. Instead of
a tiver of water this Is a river of land
It would make a solid stream of earth
live feet deep and uine feet wide, flow
lug night and day as fast as a man can
wnik, four miles au hour, all sliding
down oft the northern half of the conn
try toward the sea. Year In, year out.
that endless line of earth goes ou. It
would take 11 force of more than 50,000
men working in eight hour shifts to
throw Hie dirt Into Hie stream, suppos
ing tlie river lied were rigid aud au in
exhaustible supply of dirt ou the batik.
It would make
100,000 wagon loads
every year.
"But here what are tlie use of such
figures? Below Vicksburg—aud above
it. loo, to an extent we have tlie earth
Itself to speak for it. Except for the!
occasional fragments of the line of
bluffs along tlie eastern edge below
here which bob up at Fort Adams, at ’
Natchez, at Grand Gulf, at Baton
Rouge, at Port Hudson, there is noth
lug about Hie level of the high water
liver except tlie artificial levees. These
are lu places miles back, great earthen
banks, sometimes thirty feet high or
more, sodded and free from trees. ,
which protect the wonderfully fertile 1
region behind them.
"And all this level country which
the river overflows and fertilizes Is
constantly increased by this river of
dirt which tlie Mississippi brings down I
from the inner region, gathered all the I
way from the Rockies to the Allegha
nles. Sometimes the river stin ts to eat |
away this land that it lias made, lu a j
single summer, if it will, it cuts away I
half a mile of it out of some bend. It ■
cuts it out sometimes au acre at a
bite and lakes with it forests, houses, i
levees ami all else.
"The river is not a uniformly moving I
stream, one side or the middle moves 1
swiftly; tlie other parts, are still or
sluggish. Sometimes even these run j
lip stream. Tlie swift part is tlie chan
nel current and runs in the deepest see
tlons.
It makes crossings whenever
driven off shore by a promontory.
These crossings are dumping places
for the surplus earth the river has
picked up in the bend It Is eating.”
One of Field'« t'rasy Jokes.
In his biography of Eugene Field
Shi son Thompson says that shortly aft
er tlie humorist's arrival in Chicago it
occurred to him one bleak day in De
cember that it was time the people
knew there was a stranger In town.
So lie arrayed himself in a long liuen
duster, buttoned up from knees to col- |
lar. put an old straw hat on his bead i
ami, taking a shabby book under one
arm and a pa If leaf fan in liis hand, lie |
marched all tlie way down Clark street, |
past the city hall, to the office. Every- I
where along the route lie was greeted I
with Jeers or pitying words, as his ap j
penrance excited the mirth or commls- |
eratlon of Hie passersby.
When lie reached I he elitrauce to The
Daily News office, lie was followed by
a motley crowd of noisy urchins, who”’
lie dismissed with
misee and the
(.jliv,ii»<f< gesture wiili which Nicholas
Kooran perplexed and repulsed An
tony van Corlear from the battlement
of Hie fortress on Rensselaergteln. I
Then, closing the door in their aston .
ished faces, lie mounted the two flights j
of stairs to the editorial rooms, where
lie recounled. with the glee of the bov J
lie was in such tilings, the success of!
bis Joke.
I'rslse of Work Well Dose.
BLflKt, I
' MOfTITT
,
& TOWNE
1 g porters and dealer» in
Book. Now«,
Writing «nd
Wrapping...
PAPERS
OARD »TOOK
STRAW AND BINDERS’ BOARD
First St.
T» l . main «••» «1 SAN FRANCISCO.
Age
ut Ike
Hr«.»
Hand.
“As antiquities go nowsdays,” eaya
Harvey Sutherland iu Alnslee's, “the
bras» band is a very ancient Institution.
That is to say. its inventor died iu 1894
at the age of eighty. There were born»
before Adolphe Sax. to lie sure, but uot
such horns as we have uow. for they
could not play every tune In every key.
They could not even play a scale in any
key. The very first band entirely of
brass whs organized in 1835, aud 1
doubt if any of the instruments then
used could be played upon by modern
musicians without special practice. It
Is only back to 1783 when a full regi
mental baud of the British army con
sisted of two oboes. two clarinets, two
horn» and two bassoons, it must have
sounded even funnier than Tennyson'»
famous combination of 'flute, violin and
t >n ssoon.'
"IL >w long a way we have com»
since 1783 may be learned from the
ensemble of n first class modern band.
The modern I .and of forty-two pieces
l.n» half as many oboes and bassoon»
as the ancient band of eight pieces, sev
en times as many clarinets and nine
times as many horns, to say nothing of
the saxaplioncs. which are part clarinet
and part horn."
«»«Id Drinking; inp».
When every man got drunk and was
proud of It in olden days, much Ingeuu-
Ity was expended iu the construction
of queer and elaborate drinking ves
sels. a ml many such are yet to be
found in museums, especially In Ger
many.
One preserved in a Berlin museum
represents Diana mounted on a stag
and surrounded by hounds and hunts
men
The cup consists of tlie liollow
body of tlie silver stag, the head of
which is removable. The piece stands
fourteen Inciies high. It was made at
Augsburg in lrtlti. It Is also an auto
mobile propelled by clockwork conceal
ed in the base.
Trick cups which drenched the unini
tiated w ere very popular. Another va
riety contained w ine and water iu sep
arate compartments. The drinker who
di.l not know how to manage them
tilled liis mouth with water, though tlie
cup was apparently full of wine.
The glass with Hie lighting hares, iu
the same museum, belonged to Fried
rich Wilhelm I The hares represent
two of liis ministers and boon compan
ions.-New York Herald.
A
Palmer'» Troable».
The desire of the Bank of England
officials to d iscover forgers lias some
times led to curious mistakes. Ou one
oecssloii the painter George Morlaud,
in Ills eagerness to avoid his duns, re
tired to an obscure hiding place iu
Hackney, where Ills anxious looks and
secluded manner of life induced some
of Ids neighbors to believe him a forger
of notes then In existence.
The directors, on being informed, dis
patched some dexterous detectives to
tlie residence, but Morland's suspicions
were aroused by their movements in
front of Hie house and. thinking them
bailiffs, «scaped from tlie back to Lon
don.
Mrs. Morland informed the visitors
of her husband's name
them
- -••uoisned pictures, lhe
facts were reported to the directors,
who presented Morlaud with two twen
ty pound notes by way of compensation
for the alarm.
Crltlcl«!»* ■ Portrait.
Walter Dean, Sr., once hired an artist
to paint his portrait, with the stipula
tion that the picture would not be ac
cepted and paid for unless It looked
like himself. When the portrait was
completed, it was sent to Mr. Dean,
who did not recognize himself aud ab
solutely refused to pay the painter.
The painter sited, and Joe Strong, the
artist, was calleii in to give an expert
opinion.
"You see tlie portrait of Mr. Dean?”
the lawyer asked.
"No." said Mr. Strong, "I do not.”
“There it is." said the lawyer, point-
Ing to the big canvas.
“1 don't call that a portrait. I call
that a map of Mr. Dean.” said Mr.
Strong.
Perhaps there is nothing else so
productive of cheerful, helpful service
as llie expression of approval or praise
of work well done, and yet there is
nothing so grudgingly, so meagerly
given by employers. Many of them
seem to think that commendation is
demoralizing ami that the voicing of
approeiatlon will load to llstlessnes»
and Hii’ withdrawal of energy and in
terest. This evinces but a poor knowl
edge of liuiiiaii nature, which is al
ways hungering for approbation. But
*Tw«» Raster.
how iiiistiiken such views are is shown
"So you are going to Europe?”
by the I >yal and unstinted service giv
“1 am." answered the young tnan.
en to those large minded men who
“Why don't you stay here In Ameri
treat tlieii employees as members of a
family committed to their care.-Suc-l ca, where there are so many opportu
nities to make a fortune?”
ecss.
------- ________
“Well, I've concluded that the other
||rr <
side is easier. Of course you can make
At a contii.miti n al Strassburg the ■ fortune If you will stay aud work for
Idsliop asked oi a pretty soubrette the It, but people are always more liberal
usual question of Hie Heidelberg cate- when they are away from home. I
iliisiii:
have concluded that it Is much easier
"Wluit Is your only consolation In to go over there and let the other
life ami deiitli?"
Americans bring it to me.”—Washing
The neophyte blushed and hesitated. ton Star.
Tlie lirst question was repented, and
then slie st.'imiiKTod out:
I.ack of Orlatlaallty.
“The young shoemaker in the next
Says a Philadelphia physician: "The
itreet.” London Tit-Bits.
utter lack of originality In the burnau
mind vexes me. Eveu the insane are
not original iu their delusions and ma
w Ise «1 I.«»I.
Stockson Bonds Poor Lnmbley! He nias, but they can be divided into
uever could get on the right side of the classes, and each class lias its one little
uniform and unvarying set of aberra
market
Cutten Kew pons-Oil. but lie has tions. The insane cannot be other than
I Imitative and commonplace.”
lice ii for tlie last three months or so.
Stoekson B nds Really? What —
Cutten Krwpo'is 'I he outside. He'»
Freate F«l»t S(al»».
quit.- Philadelphia Press
A fresh pniut stain on woolen goods
| will disappear If rubbed against other
< tonal» «>« Ihr Haris»».
I woolen goods.
For instance, if the
“Old Midtiimllion Is afraid that aou'.e
I stain is on the sleeve of a coat take
day lie iliay I •• p>»>r "
that garment off and rub the paint
"Wlial gin» liim that Idea?”
against the other sleeve, it will disap
“His da lighters' Inislisnds.”—Puck.
pear and leave no sign. This is easier
than applying turpentine aud exactly
Water siifl.clert to cover one acre on* aa efficacious, but it must be done while
lueb deep will weigh 101 tons.
the oait t is still weu