I PARSON HARWOOD’S CURVES • i gs By Bert Estes ; Copyright, 1901, by Bert Estas. b AI.I.IA CITY, like rnont Ohio river towns, bad a mixed pop- lation frill of sharp antago­ nisms. social. polltleal and re­ ligious. Notwithstanding, there was one l' the salt o’ the earth. Say, what d’ye want with ’em? Be ye one o' them drummer chaps tryiu* ter sell Pot some more goods?” Harwood shook his head. “I’ve come to spend tlie summer here,” be said. ”1 sliull take my meals with the Pot­ ters and live ut the parsonage.” “Why, It’s sbet up! Dickson’s gone ter New York ter have some big doctor cut him open an' right him up inside,” the river man said. “I did hear thar was a—say, young fellow, you ain’t the new preacher tliat’s coinin’?” "I am going to try and preach,” Har­ wood said modestly. “My name Is Harwood.” “Brother Harwood,” faltered the riv­ er mau, "lennne beg your pardou the durmlest worst way. I had uo Idee— you don’t look like a parson, you don’t dress like it parson, you didn’t let on you wus n parson—how In tuuklt was a fellow to know? 1 hope you'll ferglt I called you sonny. If you will, by grab, you cau lick me if I don’t come to church—not next Sunday, but some time before you go.” "Tliat’s a bargain,” Harwood said, shaking hands before he made his way to breakfast at the hotel. Upon Ills second Monday morning in Gallia City Harwood strolled down to Rtevensou Potter's music store. Ste- "Lemrne ht'i your pardon, brother Ilur- wood," faltered the river man. venson be had found a fine fellow, al­ though everybody but his own family did call him Pot. Pot, on his part, had at flrat beeu doubtful of the young preacher Just out of seminary, but aft er a little bad said of him to a friend: "Our parson Is all right from the ground up, not one of those white chok- ered fellows who go around with faces as long as a snail track, as If they had given up the world, the flesh and the devil and were annlglity sorry they had to. Harwood Is none of that sort. He’s a man first and u minister afterward." As Harwood stepped Inside the tun ale store a strung voice called across the street; "Hey, there. Pot!” "Coming, colonel," Potter answered, picking bis way across the newly spriukled street to a big crockery store opposite. A muscular young tejlow leaned against the doorjamb. "Here's the devil to pay aud uo pitch hot, ami imglny far to water,” be said, "t'euteipovl has challenged us to play 'em Satuidiiy, ami lorn Jurdau is ottt uu a big, big bat. You know, there ain't auotber man In the whole daru town that can plt< li u ball within foui feet of the plate. Centerport knows it too-that's Just why they've ruu this challenge ou us." "Round up Tom. He cau get In shape," Potter said confidently. Colonel »uorted: "Round nothin ! Tom’s a holy terror when he’s on a spree—besides, he's gone. Maybe the Lord knows where he la—1 dou't. for sure. It’s the very eussodest luck I’d rather lose a li mid red dollars than have theta fellows come and wallop us — and we've got to play ’em. If we re­ fuse they’ll crow over It forever aud the day after." "Great mud!" said Potter—be never aahl anythiug stronger—"that mustn't happen. Can't we Import a pitcher? What’s the matter with Steveus of the Riversides? He's a bird no mistake." Colouel shook his bead. "Never do lu the world," lie said. "’Twouldn’t be a square deal for oue tiling; for an other, they'd be sure to get on to It— iind then”— "Well, we’ve got to accept the chai 1< uge." Potter said. "Do it right away and throw in a big bluff. Tell 'em we've got a new pitcher that will tak« all the kinks out of 'em. Then we must rustle for a pitcher—we’ve got to — that's all." "Lord, Pot, it makes me sick abed thinkin’ of the luck of those Center­ port scrubs,” Colonel said. “They’ve beat us aud beat us ou flukes this way — we've not had a fair show In the longest time. And uow, Just as Tom Jordan was pitching iu such great shape, off lie goes and gets full agaiu. Wish the old mau Jordau would pitch him in the river, neck and crop—It's less tliau he deserves." “Well, whining uor vusslug don't help us, as 1 see. I'm going back to talk with the preacher,” Potter said, "Preacher be hanged!” Colouel said Irreverently. "Are you going to set him piayiug.ugalust the Centerports?” Potter did not answer—the last word caught him half way across the street. "Who is your military friend?” Har­ wood asked, smiling. Potter explained briefly that Colo­ nel was not a military man. He bad been baptized that way and was the "sou” of Roodsell & Sou. Moved by hii impulse he did not understand, be told also of the challenge aud of Gallia City's predleameut. Harwood listened, thrumming softly ou the strings of a tine guitar. At the end he said: “I'm feeling pretty dull and blue this morning. Do you think your friend Colonel would let me toss ball to him long enough to set my blood circulat­ ing?” "Great mud, parson! Do you play ball?” Potter asked. "I did at college, also at the semina­ ry. whenever .1 bad the chance," Har­ wood answered. Potter whistled. "Dickson almost had tits if you nam­ ed baseball to him,” he said. "Why. lie preached against It aud came near losing his Job. He did lose half the congregatlou. But come ou. I want Colonel to see you.” Colonel stared a little at Harwood's request, but invited bls two visitors out Into tlie alley back of the store, where they might toss balls to their hearts' content and not a soul be the wiser. But to Harwood’s suggestion of gloves be only said, “If It gets too hot, I'll put 'em on, but 1 reckou there won’t be any long whiskers on the balls you pitch.” Harwood's eye twinkled wickedly, but be said nothing, only stripped off coat, vest and collar and began to toss. He played lightly, but easily. Colonel caught with gn air of condescension and returned the ball with a great show of consideration for the minis­ ter's soft hands. After a little Har­ wood asked If Colonel would mind catching a bit while tie tried ills band at pitching. "Blaze away, parson.” grinned Colo­ nel. In a minute or two a square box cover was iu place as a "home plate” and Colonel behind It. caricaturing the mau at the bat. Harwood pretended not to see the implied satire. He step- lied Into the pitcher's place, which lie had marked at the proper distance. A ball or two went over the plate true as hii arrow. "Good enough, parson!” Colonel laughed, still patronizingly. “You’ve got the ball under bully control, sure." Harwood said over bls shoulder to Potter: “Open your eyes and get right behind me. You’ll iee something. So will Colonel." Then In a louder voice: “Do you mind If I pitch a few stiffer ones? 1 want to see If I have lost the bang of It.” “Let ’em come, parson!” Colonel shouted back, almost convulsed that a little man. whom he could fling over Ills shoulder, should lie so considerate. Harwood nodded, saying: “Thank you. Of course 1 would not put twist iu them unless I knew you did not object. I wish you’d put on gloves, though. I hate to pitch hard to a man in bare bauds.” “Gloves, nothin’!” Colonel said, al­ most nettled. “Maybe I don't look contagious, but you can bet your last nick you'll find me catching.” "Very well, tny Christian friend!” Harwood called back. “Catching as you may be, you are not entirely Im­ mune. Mind out! Here goes!” Biff! slzzl the ball went out of the parson's right band like a rifle shot, flipping off the ends of his Angers with a crack Ilk* a whiplash. It started to the right of Colonel so fast the oyo could scarcely follow It. Colonel dart­ ed to get behind it, when suddenly It changed Its mind, plunged to the left, passed him entirely and writbed, hiss­ ing. far down the alley. "Sufferin’ Jlnilny! What was that?" gasped Colonel. "Oh. only one of the things you didn't catch—not exposed enough. I fancy,” Harwood grinned. "Now let me give you another.” Whizz! A great outshoot went whistling through the air. Colonel did his little dance again—only this time he reversed. As he brought up stand Ing. empty handed, he said In awe struck tones: "For the love o' God, parson, nobody lint a crosseyed man could catch those duui things! Get one right at me— right here!" folding his hands In front of his stomach. "That’s right where they would go If you didn't get out of the way. Stand still and keep your eyes open," Har­ wood commanded. "Now!” Riff! Another sizzling Inshoot. Crack! Colouel was in tie air dancing like a wild Indian, trying to blow on his hands and rub his elbows at the same time. The ball had gone as Harwood said The concussion of It had jarred Colonel from finger tips to shoulder blades. "If you'd only put ou the mitts." Harwood said, with a tantalizing grin, "I'd like to throw you u few speedy ones. Otherwise I'm really afraid I might hurt you.” "Hurt me!" Colonel's toue was ale Ject. “Ami them paws feeling like a full crockery crate hail smashed 'em. I’m no glutton, parson. 1 know when I’ve had enough. But, sa.v. you’re the dceelvlngest package ever I struck.” "Mr. "Harwood.” said Potter, “if you don't mind I'll go get Bill Reed to come ami catch for you." "I should like It of all things.” said Harwood. " I lie little 1 have done Ufd-es me feel a new man.” ".tie. ;■><>, mid a denied poor cue.” Colonel added, but he plucked up spirit to grill heartily when Potter came back with Bill Reed, catcher to the Gallins, two or three other members and sev­ eral "fans" besides. When Harwood suggested gloves. Bill sniffed even more disdainfully than Colonel had done. Harwood smiled as lie took |M>sitlon In the box and said softly: "Ray where you want the bulls, Mr. Iteed. I'll try to [>ut them over t-he plate about right." Bill squatted back of the plate, spat tobacco Juice on bls hands and said, "Give ed the length of the box. gave a twist of the wrist and let drive a straight drop over the middle of tie plate. Reed put up his hands; but. to Ills amazement, the thing ducked un­ der bls lingers and went skipping down "I’m very Horry." Harwood »aid de­ murely. the alley. He was chagrined, of course, but when Harwood again named gloves he said almost roughly: "Don’t you lay awake nights thlnkln* o’ Bill Reed. He don't need no gloves to catch no preach­ er’s pltcbln’.” Harwood nodded and pitched the same Inshoot he bad sent to Colonel, Bill leaped to this side aud that ill a vain attempt to get behind tlie ball. As it passed him aud went hustling through the dust he cried: “Fellows, did you see that thing? If I hadn't quit drinkin’. I’d swear I had ’em again!" Potter lined up his forces behind the Parson. Harwood winked at Potter; then, with a motion like the uncoiling of a ateel spring, he sent another ln- sboot to Reed so swift that Reed had no time to dodge it. Bill managed to get his hands up in the instinctive movement of self defense. He caught and hung to the pigskin cannon ball, though his Angers did not feel It, they were so Jarred and numb. "Whoop!” roared Bill, sitting down suddenly and staring wild eyed at the parson. “Boys," he went on solemnly, “that wuz a close shave. If I hadn’t caught the durned thing 'twould a gone plumb through my Innards. Say,” look­ ing ruefully at his hands, “no more ball today, thank you! I've got to see Doc Johnson about them things." "I’m very sorry,” Harwood said de­ murely. “but you wouldn’t put on gloves for a parson's pitching, you know. Soak your hands in very hot water; It will set them all right. Now, la there any other gentleman who cares to play ball?” In the soft, warm twilight of that eventful day Harwood sat coatless and comfortable in the parsonage study. He was smoking and trying hard to keep cool. He was also very lonely and. It must be confessed, blue from staying alone In the deserted house. Bo he was genuinely glad to hear heavy steps upon the gravel and a little later to welcome Potter, Colonel, Reed and some more men he did not know. “This Isn’t exactly a social call,” Pot­ ter began, “yet we can't exactly call It business.and the fact Is we're all afraid to begin,” "Oh. ho! Somebody going to commit matrimony? Who is it—Colonel or my friend Reed?" Harwood asked, his eyes twinkling. Reed grinned broadly. The day before he would have thrashed the man who had named him friend to a parson. But a man who could play such ball-that was another matter altogeth­ er. “You’re dead wrong, parson. That sort of thing comes right in your line, and ours Is way off it.” Potter said. “We are In a hole. We waut your help, but we don't know how you'll take our proposition.” “But you do know—at least you ought to—that If I can legitimately help you or any one In this town I shall be both proud anil linppv to do It.” said Har­ wood. “But this is clean outside ministerial duty." Potter began. Harwood smiled. "I ani a man as well as a minister." he said.. (TO be continued .) Valuable Adviee. Young luidy-A friend of mine U en­ gaged to a man, and now be refuses to marry her. What would you advise her to do? Old Lawyer—la the man wealthy? Young Lady—No. He hasn't a shil­ ling. Old Lawyer—Then I’d advise her to write him a ulce letter of thanks.— Lendos Telegraph. HEART STIMULANT. WEBSTER AS A DRINKER. The <.«•«■■« Orator'» Deep Potatlo»» Hrtore Two Fanaoas Sprrrhe». Cold There is a deep sealed belief amount­ ing almost to a superstition that alco­ hol is a very important heart stimu­ lant, especially when this organ Is weak. Wluternltz. the great authority on hydrotherapy iu Germauy. has often told us of the very great value of cold ns a heart stimulant or tonic and that It is far superior to alcohol in this respect. Dr. Kellogg gives the method of application uh follows: “The application consists of a com­ press applied to the portion of the chest wall over the heart. ThlB com­ prises the apace bounded by the Becond rib above, the right liorder of the sternum, a line fulling a half inch to tlie right of the nipple and the sixth rib below. The compress should be large enough to cover this space aud to extend at least two inches outside of it. Ordinarily tlie best effects are produced by employing water at a temperature of about 60 degrees. The compress should be wrung moderately dry and should be very lightly covered. It is desirable that cooling by slow evaporation should be encouraged and be continued for some time.” Dr. Kellogg continues: "In Germany and Frnnee it is the custom to adminis­ ter alcohol to the patient Just before putting him In a cold bath. Some prac­ titioners. as Wlnternitz, administer but a very small amount, a single mouthful of wine, for Instance, while others give brandy Iti considerable quantities. A few American practitioners employ brandy freely with the cold bath. The unwisdom of this practice will be ap­ parent on due consideration of the fol­ lowing facts: “One purpose lu administering the cold bath is to secure a true stimulant or tonic effect by arousing the vital energies through excitation of the nerve centers. Alcohol was once sup­ posed to be capable of effecting this and was used for this purpose in ty­ phoid fever and various other morbid conditions accompanied by depression of the vital forces. At the present time, however, it Is well known, and with practical unanimity admitted, that alcohol is neither a tonic nor a stimulant, but a narcotic; that it de­ presses and does not excite; that It THE GREAT POETS. lessens and does not increase the ac­ Do Mot stndr Titrm For Knowledge! tivity of tlie nerve centers, and that this is true of small ns well as large Read Them For Coltore. Young men and young women actual­ doses, ns has been shown by the re­ ly go to college to take a course In sell relies of careful Investigators.”— Shakespeare or Chaucer or Dante or Ilenltli. the Arthurian legends. The course be­ ORCHARD AND GARDEN. comes a mere knowledge course. My own acquaintance with Milton was Give the roots of trees a deep and through an exercise In grammar We parsed "Paradise Lost.” Much of the broad bed of soil to start and grow in. In pruning the grape cut back to the current college study of Shakespeare is little better than parsing him. The third bud, ns it is usually the first en­ class falls upon the text like bens tirely perfect bud produced. When winds prevail from any direc­ upon a bone in winter. No meaning of phrase escapes them; every line tion. as they usually do, lean the tree a is literally picked to pieces. But of little in that direction when setting out The essentials lu making a good gar­ the poet himself, of that which makes him what he Is, how much do they den are rich soil, plenty of manure, get? Very little, 1 fear. They have good seeds, timely labor and a fair sea­ had intellectual exercise and not an son. emotional experience. They have add­ Having the soil in a good tilth and ed to their knowledge, but have not planting in straight rows will save taken a step in culture. much labor in cultivating in the gar­ To dig into the roots and origins of den. the great poets Is like digging into the One of the best ways of gettiug rid of roots of an oak or maple the better to moss and lichens adhering to tho bark Increase your appreciation of the beau­ of trees la an application of lime white- ty of the tree. There stands the tree « ash. in all Its summer glory. Will you real­ In taking trees from u uursery or for­ ly know It any better after you have est, preserve all of the roots aud fine laid bare every root and rootlet? There rootlets possible. Dig out instead of stand Homer, Dante, Chaucer and pulling up the tree. Shakespeare. Read them, give your­ When the fruit or leaves of any plant self to them, and master them if you or tree are eaten by insects of any kind, are man enough. The poets are not to be analyzed; spraying In good season and sufficient­ they are to be enjoyed; they are not to ly often is the safest and best remedy. Gladiolus bulbs should be planted in lie studied, but to be loved; they are not for knowledge, but for culture— full sunshine, four or five inches deep to enhance our appreciation of life and and about one foot apart Good soil, our mastery over Its elements. All the rather sandy, is best, avoiding manure, mere facts about a poet's work are as especially if flesh. clinff ns compared with the apprecia­ Tn the Point. tion of one flue line or tine sentence. An incident which occurred while Why study a great poet nt all after tho manner of the dissecting room? Why Admiral Dewey was commanding tho not rather seek to make the acquaint­ Asiatic squadron and one which illus­ ance of his living soul and to feel its trates his Independence is one known power?—John Burroughs in Century. as "the coal incident” It seems that his squadron «-«» in need of coal, but instead of writing to William Shakespeare. Wliat point of moral», of manner», of tlie chief of tlie bureau of equipment economy, of philosophy, of religion, of at the navy department he purchased a taste, of the conduct of life, has be not large amount of coal without consult- settled? What mystery has be not sig­ lug the department. The following is the correspondence nified his knowledge of? What office or function or district of man’s work between the admiral and Captain Brad­ bns he not remembered? What king ford. the chief of the bureau of equip has be not taught state, us Talma inent, and Is self explanatory: taught Napoleon? Wbat maiden has Navy Department. Washington. not fonnd him Oner than her delicacy? To Dewey, Manila: Why did you buy »o much coal? Wbat lover has he notoutloved? What BRADFORD. sage has be not outseen? Wbat gen Flagship Olympia. Manila. tieman has be not instructed In the To Bradford, Chief Bureau Equipment, rudeuess of his behavior?—Ralph Wal­ Washington: To burn. DEWEY. do Emerson. —Saturday Evening Post. Daniel Weister was invited to Rich ino nl iu the fifties. He accepted the in vilntion. came to Richmond and went to llm Exchange ho el. He was Invited by i he »into legislature to adilres.* them and the people of Richmond, and a committee consisting of James l.yont of Richmond and Robert E. Scott of Fauquier, two of the most eminent lawyers In the state, were sent down tc the hotel to escort him to the capito! building. They found Mr. Webster It a state of Intoxication In such degre« that Mr. Lyons said to Mr. Scott: "Tlili nuin can’t make a speech. You must take his place.” Mr. Scott replied, "Nc man can take the place of Daniel Web­ ster.” After delay, during which Mr. Web ster improved a little, he was asked it he would go to the capitol. He replied, "Yes.' With great difficulty Messrs Scott and Lyons supported and helped Idin to the capitol. When they reached the rotunda near the Washington stat ue, Mr. Lyons said, "Mr. Webster, de you think you cau speak?” “If you will give me a drink of brandy, yes." A messenger was sent to a neighbor ing hotel and a bottle of brandy brought. Mr. Webster poured out suc­ cessively two goblets full and drank them off, straightened himself up, shook himself as a lion might have done, walked steadily and directly tc the position from which he spoke, on the south porch of the capitol, and in the presence of an audience of 5.000 people, which consisted of the intellec­ tuality and beauty of Richmond, male and female, made his celebrated Octo­ ber speech, one of the greatest even of his life. Edward Everett related that on the day Webster replied to Hayne of South Carolina he walked with him to the capitol; that he seemed so badly pre­ pared that he doubted bin) and feared that he was not equal to the occasion; that Just before be rose to speak he drank a goblet of brandy and then made bls great speech In reply to llayne, which Is an English classic. Such was the effect of the beverage on Webster.—Beverages. ReiRril For Sarired Tree». Throughout the length and breadth of India the Ficus religlosa, under which Buddha rested for seven years plunged in divine thought, is dedicated to religious worship and may on uo ac­ count be felled or destroyed. Wi more universal but not less sincere rev­ erence do the peasants of Russia pros­ trate themselves before the trees which they are aIwiiit to cut and deprecate the vengeance of the deities whose rest­ ing places they then proceed to de­ stroy.— Gentleman's Magazine. The Wrung nf Intolerance. Tlie intolerant state of mind is in­ jurious both to the state and to the in­ dividual. It goes with conceit aud deadly pride. The strange thing is that men are apt to plume themselves upon their intolerance. It is evident that a man’s conduct aud a nation's conduct should be the result of thought and Judgment, but intolerance stops thought and destroys judgment.—Cen­ tury. Bnliy’i Name. "But why did you name your baby Hl» Mental laeapaeltr. after his most disreputable ancestor?” The Court—So you ask divorce from the surprised friend asked the proud this man on the ground of mental inca­ young mother pacity. What proof have you that he's “Well, you see I expect him to Im­ Insane? prove on the former bearer of the The Woman—Who said he was in­ mime Ind.... I. he hardly can help IL sane, your honor? lieeaiHe the ancestor was so very bad. The Court—Why, you say he Is men­ It' I had named him after the most dis- tally Incapable. tiiigtlislied member of the family, he The Woman—Yes; Incapable of un­ might not have lived up to the name. derstanding that I'm boss.—Baltimore Ilaliies hardly ever do when they are News. named for great personages, as I have often noticed.” New York Press. One Varied Seaaon». The longest cold season In the United States Is found In the Rocky mountain region, whore it exceeds the warm by about ten days. The warm season in Texas and the lower Missouri valley opens about ten days earlier than In the region near tlie middle Atlantic coast ami from twenty to twenty-five days earlier than on the southern coast of California. In the northwest the warm season opens from twenty to twenty-five days earlier than In the lake region and from fifteen to twenty days earlier thau iu the north Pacific coast region. CLARK’S LATEST AND BEST. V|,pll<-«tlonw «»perlor Io Draft» o< Alcohol. Phyalcally. Mot .Mentally. Dick —You were born to be a writer. Charlie. Charlie (blushitiglyl—Ah. you’ve seen some of the things I've turned off. Dick—No I was thinking what a splendid ear you have for carrying a pen.-Stray Stories. Office» nnd Olltceaeeker». It frequently happens that when a man gets an office he finds it too small for him. But they're all willing to squeeze in. —Atlanta Constitution. FuruuUud with «olid Disc if you want theiu. Wood Exleusiuu Head if you prefer it. All Mael. H«ver>dble, Double Lever« Kx- (eu«tt Disc Harrow uow on the market. Llchteat draft. Does the best work. Can be used to throw the earth to or from the tree. Can ar drawn together and used in the regular length or extended as shown. 5, 6 and » feet cut are reversible and carry the Extension Head HI aud 1’3 feet cut are not tj sible FARMERS AND MANUFACTUREIS’ ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA. 222 Milinion Street, fian Francisco. A RIVER OF LAND. AatoMlflhliiu Amount oi I'ltin» !><»«% ii i hr M Kart b That "The capacity of the Mississippi for filling up canals and old channels Is something awful," suvs John .Swain In Ailislee's. "Government engineers have found that tlie amount of solid matter j annually < al l ied past Vicksburg In sus­ pension is enough to make a block of earth 300 feet high and a mile square. Fifty feet off the top of this Is spread around on the valley between here and the sea. and the rest goes out Into the gulf of Mexico to build up more conti nent. "Think what that means. Instead of a tiver of water this Is a river of land It would make a solid stream of earth live feet deep and uine feet wide, flow lug night and day as fast as a man can wnik, four miles au hour, all sliding down oft the northern half of the conn try toward the sea. Year In, year out. that endless line of earth goes ou. It would take 11 force of more than 50,000 men working in eight hour shifts to throw Hie dirt Into Hie stream, suppos ing tlie river lied were rigid aud au in­ exhaustible supply of dirt ou the batik. It would make 100,000 wagon loads every year. "But here what are tlie use of such figures? Below Vicksburg—aud above it. loo, to an extent we have tlie earth Itself to speak for it. Except for the! occasional fragments of the line of bluffs along tlie eastern edge below here which bob up at Fort Adams, at ’ Natchez, at Grand Gulf, at Baton Rouge, at Port Hudson, there is noth lug about Hie level of the high water liver except tlie artificial levees. These are lu places miles back, great earthen banks, sometimes thirty feet high or more, sodded and free from trees. , which protect the wonderfully fertile 1 region behind them. "And all this level country which the river overflows and fertilizes Is constantly increased by this river of dirt which tlie Mississippi brings down I from the inner region, gathered all the I way from the Rockies to the Allegha nles. Sometimes the river stin ts to eat | away this land that it lias made, lu a j single summer, if it will, it cuts away I half a mile of it out of some bend. It ■ cuts it out sometimes au acre at a bite and lakes with it forests, houses, i levees ami all else. "The river is not a uniformly moving I stream, one side or the middle moves 1 swiftly; tlie other parts, are still or sluggish. Sometimes even these run j lip stream. Tlie swift part is tlie chan­ nel current and runs in the deepest see tlons. It makes crossings whenever driven off shore by a promontory. These crossings are dumping places for the surplus earth the river has picked up in the bend It Is eating.” One of Field'« t'rasy Jokes. In his biography of Eugene Field Shi son Thompson says that shortly aft­ er tlie humorist's arrival in Chicago it occurred to him one bleak day in De­ cember that it was time the people knew there was a stranger In town. So lie arrayed himself in a long liuen duster, buttoned up from knees to col- | lar. put an old straw hat on his bead i ami, taking a shabby book under one arm and a pa If leaf fan in liis hand, lie | marched all tlie way down Clark street, | past the city hall, to the office. Every- I where along the route lie was greeted I with Jeers or pitying words, as his ap j penrance excited the mirth or commls- | eratlon of Hie passersby. When lie reached I he elitrauce to The Daily News office, lie was followed by a motley crowd of noisy urchins, who”’ lie dismissed with misee and the (.jliv,ii»n ssoon.' "IL >w long a way we have com» since 1783 may be learned from the ensemble of n first class modern band. The modern I .and of forty-two pieces l.n» half as many oboes and bassoon» as the ancient band of eight pieces, sev­ en times as many clarinets and nine times as many horns, to say nothing of the saxaplioncs. which are part clarinet and part horn." «»«Id Drinking; inp». When every man got drunk and was proud of It in olden days, much Ingeuu- Ity was expended iu the construction of queer and elaborate drinking ves­ sels. a ml many such are yet to be found in museums, especially In Ger­ many. One preserved in a Berlin museum represents Diana mounted on a stag and surrounded by hounds and hunts men The cup consists of tlie liollow body of tlie silver stag, the head of which is removable. The piece stands fourteen Inciies high. It was made at Augsburg in lrtlti. It Is also an auto mobile propelled by clockwork conceal­ ed in the base. Trick cups which drenched the unini­ tiated w ere very popular. Another va­ riety contained w ine and water iu sep­ arate compartments. The drinker who di.l not know how to manage them tilled liis mouth with water, though tlie cup was apparently full of wine. The glass with Hie lighting hares, iu the same museum, belonged to Fried­ rich Wilhelm I The hares represent two of liis ministers and boon compan­ ions.-New York Herald. A Palmer'» Troable». The desire of the Bank of England officials to d iscover forgers lias some­ times led to curious mistakes. Ou one oecssloii the painter George Morlaud, in Ills eagerness to avoid his duns, re­ tired to an obscure hiding place iu Hackney, where Ills anxious looks and secluded manner of life induced some of Ids neighbors to believe him a forger of notes then In existence. The directors, on being informed, dis­ patched some dexterous detectives to tlie residence, but Morland's suspicions were aroused by their movements in front of Hie house and. thinking them bailiffs, «scaped from tlie back to Lon­ don. Mrs. Morland informed the visitors of her husband's name them - -••uoisned pictures, lhe facts were reported to the directors, who presented Morlaud with two twen­ ty pound notes by way of compensation for the alarm. Crltlcl«!»* ■ Portrait. Walter Dean, Sr., once hired an artist to paint his portrait, with the stipula­ tion that the picture would not be ac­ cepted and paid for unless It looked like himself. When the portrait was completed, it was sent to Mr. Dean, who did not recognize himself aud ab­ solutely refused to pay the painter. The painter sited, and Joe Strong, the artist, was calleii in to give an expert opinion. "You see tlie portrait of Mr. Dean?” the lawyer asked. "No." said Mr. Strong, "I do not.” “There it is." said the lawyer, point- Ing to the big canvas. “1 don't call that a portrait. I call that a map of Mr. Dean.” said Mr. Strong. Perhaps there is nothing else so productive of cheerful, helpful service as llie expression of approval or praise of work well done, and yet there is nothing so grudgingly, so meagerly given by employers. Many of them seem to think that commendation is demoralizing ami that the voicing of approeiatlon will load to llstlessnes» and Hii’ withdrawal of energy and in­ terest. This evinces but a poor knowl­ edge of liuiiiaii nature, which is al­ ways hungering for approbation. But *Tw«» Raster. how iiiistiiken such views are is shown "So you are going to Europe?” by the I >yal and unstinted service giv­ “1 am." answered the young tnan. en to those large minded men who “Why don't you stay here In Ameri­ treat tlieii employees as members of a family committed to their care.-Suc-l ca, where there are so many opportu­ nities to make a fortune?” ecss. ------- ________ “Well, I've concluded that the other ||rr < side is easier. Of course you can make At a contii.miti n al Strassburg the ■ fortune If you will stay aud work for Idsliop asked oi a pretty soubrette the It, but people are always more liberal usual question of Hie Heidelberg cate- when they are away from home. I iliisiii: have concluded that it Is much easier "Wluit Is your only consolation In to go over there and let the other life ami deiitli?" Americans bring it to me.”—Washing­ The neophyte blushed and hesitated. ton Star. Tlie lirst question was repented, and then slie st.'imiiKTod out: I.ack of Orlatlaallty. “The young shoemaker in the next Says a Philadelphia physician: "The itreet.” London Tit-Bits. utter lack of originality In the burnau mind vexes me. Eveu the insane are not original iu their delusions and ma­ w Ise «1 I.«»I. Stockson Bonds Poor Lnmbley! He nias, but they can be divided into uever could get on the right side of the classes, and each class lias its one little uniform and unvarying set of aberra­ market Cutten Kew pons-Oil. but lie has tions. The insane cannot be other than I Imitative and commonplace.” lice ii for tlie last three months or so. Stoekson B nds Really? What — Cutten Krwpo'is 'I he outside. He'» Freate F«l»t S(al»». quit.- Philadelphia Press A fresh pniut stain on woolen goods | will disappear If rubbed against other < tonal» «>« Ihr Haris»». I woolen goods. For instance, if the “Old Midtiimllion Is afraid that aou'.e I stain is on the sleeve of a coat take day lie iliay I •• p>»>r " that garment off and rub the paint "Wlial gin» liim that Idea?” against the other sleeve, it will disap­ “His da lighters' Inislisnds.”—Puck. pear and leave no sign. This is easier than applying turpentine aud exactly Water siifl.clert to cover one acre on* aa efficacious, but it must be done while lueb deep will weigh 101 tons. the oait t is still weu