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About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (June 20, 1901)
cmrmiFE wwe Copyright, 1900, by CutrUffe Hyne. The ex-flreman spluttered, but be did nut continue tbe contest. lie recog nized that lie had to deal with a master in the cheerful art of Insult, and so lie came back sulkily to business. “Will you give Rad dem rifles, you low white fellow?" “No, 1 won't, daddy.” “Very well Den we shall spiflicate you till you do." said the man. and aft er that Kettle, heard his slippers shuf fling away “I wonder what splflicatlng is?" tuns ed Kettle, but tie did not remain cudgel ing bls brain over this for long. It re curred to him that If tbls negro could come ano go so handily to tlie outside of this underground prison there must be n_j)11fTrwiiy somewhere near. and. though he could not enlarge tbe slit to get at It that way. It might be possible to burrow a passage under the wall It self. For a tool be had spied a broken crock lying on the floor, and. with tlx1 Idea once In Ills head, he was not long in putting It to practical effect. He squatted Just underneath the slit and began to quarry the earth at the four of the wall with skill and determina tion. But If Kettle was prompt Ids captors were by no means dilatory. Betweeu Kettle’s prison and the mate's was an other of those bottle shaped oubliettes, and in that there was presently a bus- th of movement. There came the noises of some one lighting a Are and coughing ns lie fanned smoldering cm bers Into a glow with his breath, and then more coughing and some curses as the Are lighter took bls departure. The door above clapped down Into place, and then there was the sound of some one dragging over that and over the doors of t^| other two prisons what seemed to be carpets or heavy rugs. There was something mysterious in this maneuver at first, but the secret of It was not kept for long. An acrid smell stole out into the air, which thickened every minute In Intensity. Kettle seemed dimly to recognize It. but could not put a name to it definite ly. Besides he was working with all his might at scraping away the earth from the foot of the wall and had little leisure to th^nk of other things. _’£Ug. heat was stiff,ing, and tbe sweat drip ped from him,’ but he toiled on with a savage glee at'.bls success. The foun dations had nJ>t been duy out; they were “floatlng'Supon the <arth surface, and the labor olf undermYulug would, it appeared, be small. But Murray. In tbe other prison, liad smelled the reek liefore and was able to put a name to It promptly. “By Jove, captain,” he shouted lustily from the distance, “they're going to smoke us to death; that's the game.” “Looks like trying It,” panted the lit tle sailor, from his work. “That's dried camel's dung they’re burning. Tlien.'s no wood in Arabia here, and that's tlielr only fuel. When the smoke gets into your lungs, it Just tears you all to lilts. I say, skipper, can't you come to some agreement with Rad over those blessed rifles? It’s a beastly death to die, this." “You aren’t dead—by a long cluilk— yet. More’n 1. I'd bate to be—smoke dried like a bam—but I don't start In to scoff the cargo—on my own shii>—at any bally price.” There was a sound of distant cough ing, and then tbe misty question, “What are you working at?” "Taking — exercise!” Kettle gasped, and after that communication between the*Two -was limited to incessant stac cato coughs. More and more acrid grew tbe air as the burning camel's dung saturated It further and further with smoke, and more and more frenzied grew Kettle’s efforts. He felt that the hacking coughs were gnawing away bls strength, and Just now the utmost output of bls thews was needed. He bad given up bls original idea of mining a passage way under the wall. Indeed tbls would have been a labor of weeks with the poor broken crock which was his only tool, for tbe weight of the building above bad turned the earth to some thing very near akin to the hardness of stone. But he had managed to scrape out a space underneath one brick and found that It was loosened and, with trouble, could be dislodged, and so he was burrowing away the earth from beneath others to drop more bricks down from their places and so make a gangway through the solid wall itself. But, simple though this may be In theory. It was tediously difficult work In practice. The bricks Jammed even when they were undermined, and the wall was four bricks thick to Its far ther side. Moreover, every alternate course was crosspinned, and the work man was rnpldly becoming asphyxiat ed by the terrible reek which came bil lowing In from tlie chamber beyond. Still, with aching chest nnd bleeding Angers and smarting eyes Kettle work ed doggedly on nnd at last got a hole made completely through. What lay In tbe blackness beyond be did not know. Either Rad el Moussa or tbe fireman might be waiting to give blm a coup de grace the moment his head ap peared. But he was ready to accept every risk. He felt that If be staid in the reek of that burning camel's dung any longer I - < -dd be strangled. The hole In the brickwork was not large, but he was a slightly built mnu, and with a hard struggle lie managed to press bls way through. No one op posed him. He found and scraped bls only remaining match nnd snw that he was In another bottle shaped chnmber, similar to th» one he bad left, but In this there wns n doorway. There was pnngent smoke reck here also, nnd, though Its slenderness came to blm as a blessed relief nfter what be had been enduring, he lusted desperately for a ttaste of tbe pure air outside. KTho door gnve way to bis touch, and be found a stair. He ran tip tbls and stepped out Into tbe corridor, where Rad bad lured him to < apture. and then walking cautiously by the wall so as not to step Into auy more Isioby traps be came to the place wbere he calcu lated, from their conversation, Murray would be Jailed. A large, thick carpet had been spread over tbe door so as to prevent any egress of tbe stinging smoke or any Ingress of air, and this be pulled away and lifted the trap. There was no sound from below. “Great heavens!” he thought. “Ia tbe mate dead?” He balled sharply, and a husky voice answered. Seeing noth ing else at hand that would serve, he lowered an end of the carpet, keep ing a grip on the other, and presently Murray got hold and clambered up beside him. In a dozen whispered words Kettle told his plans, and they were on the point of starting off to carry them out when the slop, slop of slippers made Itself heard advancing down the cor ridors. Promptly the pair of them sank Into the shadows, and presently the ex-flreman came up, whistling cheerfully an air from some English music hall. He did not see them until they were almost within hand grips, and then the tune froze upon his lips In a manner that was ludicrous. Rut neither Kettle uor his mnte had any eye for the humors of the situa tion just then. Murray plucked the man's legs artistically from beneath him. and Kettle gripped his hands and throat. He thrust Ids savage little face close down to the black man's. “Now.” he said, “where’s Rad? Tell me truly, or I’ll make you into dog’s meat, and speak quietly. If you make a row. I’ll gouge your eyes out!” “Rad, he in divan,” the fellow stut tered In a seared whisper. “Sort of front shop, you savy, sar? Don’t kill me." “I can recommend my late state room.” said Murray. “Just the ticket,” said Kettle. So Into the oubliette they toppled him, clapping down the door In Its place above. “There you may stay, you black beast.” said tbe Judge, “to stew In tlie smoke your raised yourself. If any of your numerous wives are suffi ciently Interested to get you out, they may do so. If not, you pig, you may stay aud cure Into bacon. I'm sure I shan't miss you. Come along, Mr. Mnte.” They fell upon llnd el Moussa placid ly resting among the cushions of the divan, with the stem of the water pipe between uls teeth, and Ills mind (prob ably) figuring out plans of campaign In which the captured rifles would do astonishing work. Kettle had no revolver In open view, but Rad had already learned how read ily that Instrument could be produced on occasion, nnd had the wit to make no show of resistance. The sailor went up to 1dm, delicately extracted the poignard from his sasli and broke the blade beneath Ills feet. Then lie said ■¿s-' Tfluii, “Stand there/! fiaWff.C~.i,7 middle of the floor, nnd seated himself ou the divan. In an attitude of a Judge. “Now, Mr. Rad el Moussa, I advise you to understand what’s going to be said to you now. so that it'll be a les son to you In the future. “1 came to you not very long agq, asking for your card to tlie cadi. 1 tohi you my business was about tlie mate here, and you said you were cadi yourself. Whether you are or not 1 don’t know, and I don’t vastly care, but anyway I paid for Justice In hard money, and you said you’d give up tlie mate. You didn't do that; you played a trick on me, which I'll own up I was a fool to get caught by. and I make no doubt that you've been laughing at me behind my back with tlint nasty nigger partner of yours. Well, prisoner at the bar. let me tell you 1 don’t stand either being swindled out of Justice when I've paid for It or being played tricks ou afterward. So you are here by sentenced to the flue of one bag of pearls, to be paid on the spot, and, fur thermore. to be incarcerated in one of those smoke boxes down the alleyway yonder till you can And your own way out. Now. prisouer, don't move during tlie next operation or I'll shoot you. Mr. Mate, you'll And a small bag inside the top part of his nightgown, on the left hand side. Got ’em?" “Here they are, sir.” said Murray. "Yes; I appoint you acting mate for three days, and Mr Murray goes to Ids room for that time for getting Into trouble ashore Now. put some burry Into things. Mr. Grain I don't want to stay here longer tliau's needful " Grain went forward about Ids busi ness, but Murray, who looked some what disconsolate. Kettle beckoned In to the charthouse. He pulled out the pearl bag and emptied Its conteuts on to tbe chart table. “Now, look here, my lad.” said he, “I have to send you to your room because I said 1 would and because that's discipline. But you cau pocket a thimbleful of these seed pearls, just to patch up your wounded feelings, as your share of old Rad cl Moussa’s fine. They are only seed pearls, as I say. aud aren't worth much. We were due to have more as a sheer matter of justice, but it wasn't to be got. So we must make tlie best of what there Is. You'll bag £20 out of your lot if you sell them In tlie right place ashore. 1 reckoned my damages nt £500. I guess I've got here £200.” “Thank you, sir,” said Murray. “But it's rather hard being sent to my room tor a thing I could no more help than you could." "Discipline, my lad. This will prob ably teach you to leave photographing to your Inferiors in the future. Therg's no persuading me that it Isn't that pho tograph box that's not at the bottom of the whole mischief. Hello! There’s the windlass going already! I'll just lock up these pearls hi the drawer, and then 1 must go on the bridge. Er—aud about going to your room, my lad as long as I don't see you for three days you can AN INDIAN CIGAR SIGN. A CULINARY GENIUS. Pie Fate That Overtook Oae Aggres sive Wooden Savage. Cooked Dinner In III. Home White at Uusl lie an Iu llflat ottice. The city of Little Muddy, on tbe up per Yellowstone, was au exceedingly wl<le awake towu In 1887. When It had reached the mature age of 3 months, every kind of business man was represented except tbe cigar deal er, and the next week a man from Chi cago named Stark opened a tobacco store, with a large, gaudy and aggres sive wooden Indlau In front, holding a tomahawk savagely In one hand and a bunch of cigars In the other. It would take a chapter to tell of all the trouble Stark had with that wooden aborigine. This variety of sign was rare In that region, mid gentlemen not unconnected with the stock growing industry who came in from the ranges wearing spurs and weapons would resent his threat ening attitude—for that matter, no In dian, even the most peaceably dispos ed, was popular. lie was knocked off his pedestal half a dozen times a day. Stark learned to know what had hap pened whenever he heard a dull crash iu front mid would step outside and re store his fallen warrior. But the red man did not meet bls Waterloo till Tobe Hartley and a friend, preserved to us under the name of Long Isaac, came In from the Light ning's Nest neighborhood. A close friendship existed between these two worthies. It was their first vacation from the ranch for several months. They wandered about town In a re ceptive mood and sought to enjoy their visit. No facts- are extant concerning their condition after some hours, but we may perhaps be allowed our suspi cions. Finally they separated, and Tobe, coming along to the Indian and not noticing his upraised hatchet, sat down at his feet to rest. He soon fell asleep and sank lower. At this junc ture Isaac came around the corner and took In tbe tragic situation at a glance. “Killed my partner for a simple bunch of cigars, did you?” he cried. “Well, we’ll see about It!” and he pro duced his firearms mid began shooting accurately ami rapidly. At the end of ten minutes Stark gathered up his no ble savage In a basket, while the resus citated Tobe and the avenging Isaac moved off arm in arm.—Harper’s Mag azine. The ordinary man Is nowhere more out of place than In the kitchen. All rules have tlielr exceptions, however, and a correspondent sends a story of a man wlio might have led armies per haps, but was certainly equal to culi nary emergencies. In the absence of Ills wife and family It became necessary, as he thought, for him to cook his own dinuer. and In view of the fact that be was a man of business his presence was also needed down towu at Ids office. Now, the same body cannot be in two places ut once, and this well known consideration would have settled the question for an average man. He would have either spent his forenoon in the kitchen or gone to his office and lunched out. This, however, was a man to whom physical laws do not courtesy even ns custom to great kings. The case stood thus: lie was to have a boiled dinner and would have It done to a turn, piping hot nnd ready to serve at his home coming. The meat, turnips aud beets, therefore, which require a longer time, he put on before leaving the house. The potatoes and cabbage, needing less time for cooking, were put on the cov er of the pot. Then he dropped a string through a hole In the edge of the cover, ran It through a loop suspended from the ceiling and thence down to the sluk. In the sink hole he firmly stuck a can dle, to which, two inches below the top, he tied the string. Last of all he lighted the candle and went to his business. In two hours, or about half an hour before he was to return, when It was time for the vege tables on the cover to go to their ap pointed [dace, the slowly descending flame burned the string, which releas ed the otherwise unsupported edge of the cover, which dropped its burden Into the pot and fell back where it be longed. When the genius reached home, his dinner was ready.—Youth's Compan ion. VISITORS NOT WANTED. People Who Want to See i-enland Muul Get n Royal l’ei mit, BATTLES OF NATURE. “Here they are, eir,” sold Murray. do much as you like. I don’t want to be too bard. But. as I said to old_JA^ el Moussa. Justice Is Justice, disci pline's got tn *' lit about the rilles, sir?" Captain Kettle winked pleasantly. "I dou’t know that they are rifles. You see, the cases are down on the mani fest ns 'machinery.' and I'm going to put them ashore as such, but 1 don’t mind owning to you. Mr. Mate, that I hope old Rad finds out he was right about his information. I suppose his neighbors will let him know within the next week or so whether they are rifles really or whether they are not." A Lesson In Politeness. When Alonzo B. Cornell was govern or of New York, he bad a clerk so tin gracious In manner that lie frequently remained seated while callers at the capitol were obliged to remain stand ing as they attempted to transact busi ness with him. Due day a delegation came from a city In the western part of the state Io [dead for the life of a condemned man. The governor was seldom known to grant a pardou. but the visitors Imped, at least, that they would be accorded a proper hearing. After the clerk had kept them wait.ng for two hours in the outer hallway lie admitted them and accorded them per mission to state their case to the gov ernor, all standing. The executive re fused to Interfere and told his visitors so. The spokesman of the little party was Grover Cleveland, then a Buffalo attorney. In one year after the trip re ferred to he was himself elected gov ernor of the state. When he visited the executive chamber a few days there after. Governor Cornell showed blm over the apartments and Inquired If there was anything he wished to have done In advance of his inauguration. “There is just one tiling you enu do for me, If you will," said Mr. Cleve land. "and t.iat Is to remove the clerk who kept me waiting outside so long when I was last here. It may teach him a lesson In politeness.” The clerk was removed. Success. Georae III und tlie WlamakerE. When George III ascended the throne of England. Ills wealthy subjects wen beginning to leave off wigs and to np pear In tlielr own hair. "If they had any." As the sovereign was hitnsell one of the offenders, the peruke niak era. who feared a serious loss of trade prepared a petition, In which they pray ed his majesty Io be graciously pleased to "shave his head” for the good of dis tressed workmen nnd wear a wig. as his father bail done before him. When the petitioners walked to tht royal palace, however. It was noticed that they wore no wigs themselves. At tills seemed unfair to the onlookers they seized several of tbe lending pro ccsslotilsts and cut tlielr hair with any Implement that came most readily tc band From tills Incident arose a host ot curious caricatures. The wooden leg makers were said to have especial claims on the king's consideration, In nsmueh ns the conclusion of pence line deprived them of n profitable source ol employment; hence the suggestion that bls majesty should not only wear s wooden leg himself, but enjoin the pFo pie to follow his laudable example. “Thanks,” said Kettle, aniitie put tbe bag in Ids pocket. "And now. if you please, Mr. Mate, we'll Just put Ills whiskers Into that cellar with the nig ger and leave him there to get smoked Into a better nnd we’ll hope a more penitent frame of mind." They completed this pious act to tlielr entire satisfaction and left tlie house without further Interruption. The townspeople were Just beginning to move about again after the violence of the midday heat, but except for curi ous stares they passed through the narrow streets between the whitewash ed houses quite without Interruption, nnd In due time they came to the tieach and hired a shore boat, which took A Xie« Enmity Mix tp. them off to the steamer. A widower with a number of small But here Kettle was not Inclined to linger unnecessarily. He saw Grain, children married n widow who was In due time the the second mnte. nnd nsked him how similarly blessed much more cargo there was to come i newly married couple added to the number. Ilenring a voice In the yai’il off. "The last lighter load is alongside one day, the father went out to see what was the matter. tbls minute, sir.” "Well, whnt was It?” asked his wife "Then hustle It on deck as quick ns you can nnd then call the cnr|>enter as be returned out of breath “Your children nnd m.v children were and go forward and heave up." Grain looked meaningly at Murray quarreling with our children.” was the rcnly.—London Answers. "Am I to take tbe fore deck, sir?" Greenland is governed in a grand motherly way by Denmark; but, as it I nceasinic StruualcE Which End In consists of a group of colonics which Survival of Fittest. would not under any circumstances at We read the tablets of long ago tract many tourists or traders, no out which the geologist has deciphered for sider complains of the exclusiveness of us. and we find them an endless story the Danish authorities. Trade always of battles. The successful species has been and still is monopolized by which occupy the great geological the state, and only government vessels horizons have coinp^t"^T4|1WMt!Ult. WTftUMiwaL.b» sai Greenland wa- latlon. The.X^A'Hjltes and stone lilies ters. For foreign trav ers also Green- ess the trav- of tlutjfiurlan period, the gigantic club land Is a closed country ffioss and fluted sigillarlans of the coal eler In question has befori age. tbe enormous ammonites of the tallied the rare distinction of galnln Jurassic mid chalk epochs, the mighty the permission of tbe Danish govern elephants and majestic deer forms of ment. the tertiary era are magnates of the The monopoly of tbe trade Is said to times and masterpieces of the struggle. protect the Greenlander from being de They have been redeemed at great ceived by unscrupulous merchants. The price, even of a thousand species and administration settles a fixed price both tens of thousands of Individuals who for the goods tlie Greenlanders pur fell short of the typical fitness and chase and for the products they sell. were killed out. These magnates, each In tills way all are treated in the same In Its turn, were pioneers of progress, manner, and the business being car like tbe scouts of a great army and ried on by the state Is a guarantee were caught iu a physiological am that the natives are not Imposed upon. bush. Furthermore, the members of the ad The pedigree of tbe horse in tlie most ministration are enjoined to take care recent past has been made out, traced that the natives do not leave them shall we say, for a hundred thousand selves short of produce by selling more years before man came on tbe scene than they can dispense with, so that (for Lord Kelvin asked the geologist they are destitute of needful food and to hurry up and not be too lavish with clothing when the slack time arrives. time or we should have said 250,000 The uatlve Greenlander never has been, years before man). Tbe fleetness, grace neither is he now, ablo to purchase a and strength of the horse are owing to single drop of spirits from the admin bls ability to walk on one toe, to which istration. have been correlated the wonderful The exchange of goods between Instincts by which he lias become the Greenland and Denmark Is, ns a rule, partner of man In Ills Industries and carried on exclusively by means of the struggles. He has been derived in nine vessels belonging to tbe Green almost a strict gradation from tbe two land company — viz, five brigs, three toed, three toed, four toed and five barks and a small steamer having a toed ancestors which flourished in tbe total register of about 2,000 tons net. ages which preceded man. Myriads of Several of these vessels, which are Individuals and all the species and suitable for sailing through tbe drift varieties died out to make room for tbe Ice, make two voyages a year and the one toed selection to enable this favor steamer, as a rule, three voyages.— ite to occupy the ground untliwarted Montreal Herald. by crossing or by recurrence to average forms. He was redeemed at a great Womanly “Tenderness.” price and lias come through a great “Don’t talk to me of tbe tenderness tribulation.—Contemporary Review. of woman’s heart,” said the man who hates women, though be has never Only n Lawyer. been married. “She hasn't any. 1 When Justice Bookstaver was on the was traveling recently on a through supreme court bench, he bad sb special train to New York from the west, and officer or attendant a punctilious old In the morning, Just after most of us German, who always stood guard at had dressed and were sitting in the the door leading to the Justice’s private end of the car. the conductor came and chambers when the justice was within. called two men away. One of them One day a prominent lawyer and two belonged to an Intelligent and well of his clients called and asked If the dressed woman sitting opposite me, and when be came back she asked him Justice would receive them. The officer threw open the door and whnt the conductor wanted. “ ‘Why,’ said tbe man seriously, ‘the called out loudly to the Justice: "Slmdge! Two shentlemans und a man In lower 8 has been found dead.’ "Tbe woman’s eyes widened, nnd 1 lawyer rants to speak mit you.” thought she was going to say some Tlie three gentlemen laughed. thing sweet and sympathetic, but she “Vor vbat you laff, eh?” “Don't yon count me a gentleman?” didn’t. What she said was: “ 'Why, how thoughtless of him, in asked the lawyer. "Acli, you’re a lawyer only; dat’s dif a car with all these women too!’ "Don’t talk to me about women.”— ferent.”—New York Mail and Express. Washington Post. Vans« at Tailerrand'. Lameness. Cooked I'nder Water. The cause of Talleyrand's lameness has long been a matter of dispute. Some stories have It that the defect was cougenitnl; others that It was oc casioned by an accident which befell him In his Infancy. The most curious explanation of all Is that offered by a writer In The Quarterly Review. “To quote tbe very words of our Informant, nn eminently distinguished diplomat," says the writer, “Talleyrand’s Vienna colleague, Baron Wessenberg, told me years ago that bls lameness was owing to carelessness of Ills nurse, who laid him down In a Held while she flirted with her sweethenrt and on coming back to her charge found some pigs dining on the Infant's legs. I am sure that Wessenberg told me this as an established fact, and I am all but sure that tils authority was Talleyrand him self.” An Englishman made a wager that he could cook n plum pudding ten feet beneath the surface of the Thames and won the bet by placing the pudding In n tin case and putting the whole in a sack of lime. The beat of the lime, slaking when It came In contact with tlie water, was sufficient to cook the pudding In two hours. Until 1(527 the Chinese wore their hair long and coiled on the top of the head, where It was fastened with an ornamental pin. Tbe Mantcboo edict making the pigtail a sign of loyalty changed tbls style. There are no big words in the Ber- mon on tbe mount Frozen Ia. The making of postboles Is au easy matter in Alaska. A mass of powder blasts out tbe hole In an instant, a tele Very Meek. "Did you trump my ace, dear?” asked graph pole Is Inserted, water Is poured Mr. Meekton. who was his wife’s part In, and the Intense cold holds the pole secure In an Incasement of Ice. ner at whist. “1 did.” she rejoined sternly. “What Merlin* Remedy. of It?” Cholly Cityfeller (In country, wlth “I merely Inquired to relieve my mind,” he answered, with a gentli tinlky livery horse)—Beg pardon, sir, smile. "It Is a great comfort to know but what do you do when yottab horse you trumped It. If any one else bad balks? The Farmer—Trade him. Git up, trumped It. you know, we should hav( Bill! 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CARD STOCK BLftKE, MOFFITT & TOWNE PAPERS STRAW AND BINDERS' BOARD BS-»7-ru-n , First St. Tat. main «»9. l!S SAN FRANCISCO. Uext legal vari- SAM MARTIN For 23 year» with C. E. Whitney & Co. CHAS CAMM For 3 yours with C. E. Whitney Jk Co. NtW COMMISSION HOIJSt MARTIN, CAMM & CO. 121-123 1» h vls^st., Sun Francine« General Commission an Produce. Specialty, Butter, Eggs and Cheese. Your consignments solicited. < \ I Most Healthful Coffee In the World. All the world knows that coffee in excessive use is injurious. And yet the coffee lover cannot stand taste less cereals. There lias to this time Iss-n no happy medium lie tween <'a 1'6 Bland fills the void with the Tlie Golfer's Pun. liest elements of both. It is At a recent auction sale one of the than straight coffee, and y will not be easily conviijj paintings had lor a subject a gayly at that it is tired golf girl making a long drive. The not all cotlee. we guarantee that < afe lUiy^ contains less than bidding on this opened very brisk $lki. titty peim^ifff coffee, which is scien- $<15, $70 and finally ¥72. tificjU^y blended with nutritious “Seventy-two, two, two. two!” cried 'UAts and grains, thus not only the auctioneer. , “Fore!" shouted some one in tljj^,- displacing over fifty per cent of the calk-in, but neutralizing that which remains and still retaining the rich coffee flavor. To those who suffer with the heart, to dyspeptics and to nervous people Cafe Bland is especially recommended as a health ful and delicious beverage, so satis I fying that only the member of the family making the change in the coffee knows there lias been one. More healthful, richer and less ex pensive than straight coffee. Better in every respect. 25 cents per Hi. Your grocer will get it for you. Ask for l'or thè benefit of those wlio do not Pronounced cut fuj—accent on last syllable play golf a dlagrnm of thè pun Is fur ulslied. "Fori*" Is thè wiirning shouted by thè player when about to drive.— The Mayor Who Couldn't Spell “Ig." New York Mail and Express. During tbe several terms that Tim Ilo tv AcchlenÌR lìecome Habita. Campbell served in congress he was al As to our mannerisms, says a writer ways prominent before the house. Que In the Baltimore Sun, at first they arc of his colleagues from Manhattan was accidents, and afterward they become Colonel Jack Adams, who, a lawyer, habits. It is singular how easy it Is while lie and Mr. Campbell were In to convince a credulous pultlic that a congress together spent most of bls misfortune Is a gift. Jiist as nn eccen time working off practical Jokes at the tricity Is a mark of genius. Your expense of tbe east side statesman. correspondent knows a lady who was Tim had been in and out of Tammany asked In marriage by several gentle Hall several times, those change de men (for where one pastures others pending on whether Ills claims wee will follow), although she was neither recognized or repudiated. beautiful nor clever nor rich, but A very hot political canvass 1 because she was affected with a treni Tim one of the stanchest ailhei bling of the lids. In her inmost heart the Hall. Colonel Jack liad I. she who addresses you believes the ing out with the powers i trembling began with nervousness, but as strong on the other sid It was universal, and nfter a little this very much to heart, as uib uuuura wlnit was curious began to be regarded tlon for Ills fellow congressman was as fascinating. At any rate 1 know a very strong. He concluded that, when well established, portly lady, married all others had failed to bring Colonel to a mnu who secured her. not without Jack back into tbe fold, he (Tim) could difficulty, whose only sorrow Is the succeed. "Now. Jack,” Tim said insinuatingly, necessity of keeping up the girlish habit which procured her a spouse. He "whnt do you want to go and fight the is not a sentimentalist, but he wants mayor for? Sure, he's a tine young fel whnt he paid for. He married her low, bright mid enterprising and one because her eyelids trembled, and not of the best educated men in America.” "Educated!” exclaimed Colonel Jack unnaturally he wishes to be possessed contemptuously. "Educated, did you of tbe same treasure. say?” Not Entirely Alone. “Sure, he's one of the very best <-du As be entered the car he saw at a rated young fellows in tbls city.” glance that there was one seat with n "Educated!” reiterated Adams, put young lady in it. and lie marched ting an extra dose of contempt hit straight down the aisle, deposited his voice. "What would you say, Tim overcoat, sat down and famlliiirly ob told you that he was so little eilm served: that lie spells ‘if with only one ‘f?’ “I entirely forgot to ask your per "Does he do that ?” responded Tl mission.” a heartbroken tone. "That’s of no consequence." she re "lie does.” plied. "Well, then, I have nothing fui'tin . "Thanks. Just arrived In the city, I to say. 1 don't blame you.”—Saturday presume,” he ventured to remark ns Evening Post. be glanced nt tlie bundles and grips on tlie floor near by. Buylnw Molasses. “Not exactly.” She was newly arrived from the old "You’re nil alone, eh?” country, and she went to the store for "Almost, but not quite. My husband sirup. Is the conductor on tbls car, the motor "(¡ive me n pound of mnu Is my cousin nnd my father and said to the grocer. “Treacle!" repeat' 1 I I grocer. ' ? on n brother are In the seat back of us.” “Aw! Aw! I see,” gasped the man mean molassi s “Possibly." and the floor of the car suddenly be “We don't sell it by lire | k > iiw . but uy came so redhot that he lit out without tbe measure." another word.—Salt Lake Herald. "Oh. then give me a yard!"- Pitts A Crotvnless Coronation. burg Chronicle-Ti'i--" -ipb A coronation without a erowu sounds | distinctly Irish, yet such was in effect JHimnenc Story Tellers. tbe ceremony in which Henry III took Pn fessiomil story tellers roam frotr the most prominent part at Gloucester i bouse to house In Japan to spin tlieit on Oct. 28. 121(5. On this occasion yarns In the city of Tokyo there art a plain circle was used Instead of a about GOO of these professional ro crown, which had been lost with the mancera. Their pay averages 20 cent! Jewels nnd other baggage of King an hour. When the story teller dlscov John In passing the marshes of Lynn ers that bis romances are becomini or the Wash nenr Wlsbeacb.- London doll from frequent repetition, he morel Telegraph. It to a new district. z