MNDON RECORDER.
ConliU't See (be Humor.
i can i tor tuo lire of mc sec, re
marked an Engllshmnn during the
course of conversation with Nat Good
win once, "what people mean by Amer
ican humor. To inn nil humor Is alike,
whether It be of American or Knells
origin. Perhaps you can explain to me
just what distinguishes American hn
mor from any other sort?"
"Well," replied Mr. Goodwin, "I think
the American typo of humor Is rather
more subtle. It doesn't always fully
Impress Itself upon you nt once. The
more you think about It the funnier It
seems. 1 can perhaps best lllustrnte
my meaning with a little story.
"A man was walking along the street
one day when ho passed another man
who was carrying a letter In his hand
" 'Pnrdon rsc,' sold the man with the
letter. 'Do you know where the post
omco Isr
" 'Yes,' said tho other man and pass
ed on. On second thought ho decided
that ho had been rude and went back
to where the man with the letter wo
till standing.
" 'Do you wish to know where t ti
postolllco Is?' ho asked.
" 'No,' said tho other man."
Tho Englishman's gaze was vacan
"Just turn It over In your mind for
row minutes and tell mc what you
think of It," said Mr. Goodwin.
Ten minute later tho Engllshma
clutched nt Mr. Goodwin's elbow. "You
won't be offended, will you, old chnpV
he murmured. "Hut. really, 1 think
they were both blawstcd rude!" Sat
urday Evening Post
Polly Larkin.
Cloaeneaa I'enonlfled.
There's a good story told oti a young
fellow here noted for his closeness. II
went to spend tho night with a frlein
During the entire night ho betrayed
much restlessness, which kept tho host
wide awake, and Anally the slutnberc
betrayed signs of violent emotion
"He's going to have n nightmare," said
the friend, "but he always grumbles so
when you wake lilin up tlmt I hate I
disturb htm." lie waited awhile Ion
ger, sitting up In bed staring on the
miserable sleeper, and finally, becom
Ing alarmed, he roused him. lie sprung
up In bed. glared wildly around an
said: "Where am 17 I don't sec the
storm."
"Why, here In my room." said th
Lost soothingly. "Jou remember you
staid nil night with mc? I beg you
pardon for waking you up. but you cor
rled on so I had to."
"l!eg your pardon," gasped the guest
"1 shall never be grateful enough to
you. I dreamed I was out with Miss
Hud, and a terrible storm came up. an
my shoos wero new, and I was Jin
ordering a coupe for two wlien yon
roused me. Old Iwy, you have saved
me a dollar."
Anil the host says he was actually
nfrald to go to sleep again that nigh
for fear the coupe would come. I.011IH
vlllo Times.
A Chlueae C'nrloallf.
"A Chtnamuu In San Prnuclsco," says
a gosslper In the Philadelphia Itecord
"showed mo once an Ivory ball as big
as your two lists, with six smaller balls
Inside It It wan the moot wonderful
thing I ever saw. The Chlnnman said
that the balls had been begun by his
grandfather and tlmt he was the third
generation to work ou them. lie told
me how tho work was done.
"It begins with n solid block of Ivory,
which Is turned Into n ball and then
carved In a latticed pattern with tiny
snw toothed knives. Through the Int
tlco, with other knives that are 'icnt In
various sIihh', the second ball is carv
mI, but Is kept fast to the first one by
a thin strip of Ivory left at the top and
by another left at the bottom. Then
the third ball, with still finer kr'ves. Is
tackled through the first and second
ones, and so tho work goes on till all
the balls are finished, when the strip
that hold them linn nre cut nway, ami
they all revolve freely, one Inside the
other.
"This Chinaman said ft wan a cow
moil thing for fiimlllei to have such
balls for hundreds of years grandfa
ther, father. Mm and grandson working
on them when they lind nothing ele to
do. Thoy nre prlcclca. of course. Some
cheap hall are made of veg table Ivo
ry, being carved while the material is
soft, like it potato. Tltw, though, are
nut worth more than a few dollar at
the most."
Her Weilillnu "I'uMer."
Au accommodation train ou a dis
tant rnllruad whs dragging along, when
a long. Icon and hallow woman, lu what
apiK-nnsl to be subdued urlilal tluery.
leaned across the aisle of the ear aud
said seriously to n lady kitting opposite
her:
"Dear mel It's a kind of a suleuiu
thing to bo trnvelln with two hut
bauds, now, ain't It T
"I do not know what you mean." re
plied tlie huly
"Oh. mohtx not. Well, you . my
first husband died 'IhM a year ago an
was burled over in Patrick county,
an last week I was married ag'ln. au
me au my second bus km ml have lieou
over lu Patrick county ou a little wed
dlu tower, au I thought I'd kind uf
like to have my art husband burled
In the gnneynrd nlgb where I'm gull)
to live now, an uiy socoud husband
was wllltn. to w luk m flr( bus
baud up, au he's In the baggage car
along with our other tblURv My sets
ond hUaUaud Is sett la out on tire
platform taktu a smoke, an I been
t-ettlu hero tbluklu bow solemn It
to go ou a weddln tower with two
husbands. It's a turrlblc solemn piece
of blttics wheu )ou come to think
of lu"-l.aureif.v lee in Upplucott'
Magailue.
.mi iiitetvstlng rvltc lu the lwpo or a
piece of a granite bowkler. containing
what nppoctr to ho two huiuau foot
prints, has been loaned to the uiuovtltll
at St. Johnsbury. Vt.. by Wlllkim A.
Chase of Morrlsvlllo. The reek from
which the (vlece was quarried has been
a curiosity lu Grauhy for a century. It
I a granite bowlder wvlghlug ewral
tons, situated one and oue-balf miles
(nun (Jalluits Mills.
The tally InipuUllon of lb lbUltalde
building lu New York l S.IUA and the
umll average about IS.0) pieee a
day. Kvery 45 uiluutes mall wagou
ruu over from the wioiuYc aud carry
back with tbviii 71 xuud f outgoing
mall
quet that most men urrangeliesliortest
of stems and no leaves. Was It pretty?
you ak. Not n bit of It. It would
take the face of an angel to et oil" that
ugly bit of headgear, and If n homely
woman gets It may the fates have mercy
on hnr. for Pollv Is nfrald slit would
141-. ... I 1
wu wiui our OKI elollies lillll Oil Willi l,rili.stliiei.iiii nttrnrtlve woman
me new. i ne Mime can in? sain or our
ew,
hut mid bonnet, "oil' with the old
mid on with the new." Dour me, but
how tired we got with our winter mm-
tunic, mid how we long fur tin; ilninty
sjirlng mill summer clli-cts that our ti-to-dnte
Htorekeejiers nnd milliners en
tic lis with by lining their .show-window
with nil the new novoltie o
nttmetlvoly illplnvtil tlmt none of thu
fair sex win resi-t the desire to study
the contents, mid build w hut limy prove
to lie castles In theulr of her cummer
costumes, inclildliig lint, dn.-s.-os nnd
wraps and the predict iind mo-d dainty
lingerie that hn cverUeli displayed at
very reasonable and, consequently, m
ulnr jriein. Homo of the latter look like
billow of luce more thiui unythhig ele,
o inuchoflt lui-ed iinil so tastefully
run with dnlnty lmhv-rlblm. Thoy
are lovely enough for uny bride hi the
Intnl. You couldn't U-gin to buy the
material ami make them for wliut you
pay for Mime of the article.
I overhenrd the remark of two little
colored girl- ns I stisxl looking hi the
show-window. They were hi niiioh
Interested with thefontclitK toolr-urve
nnylxsly cle: "In't tlmt chy-untht-iiitiui
one a stimuli!' one, though. I
could wear tlmt real good," uld one.
"You shouldn't uy Stunnlti', but
'swell,'" salit the other. "Oh, you
think lecali-e you come fnmi New
York a a nurM'glrl (a gisl deal of em
pliHN on the mirx-glrl, I you know It
all. I don't have to work out, and it
may Is? 'swell' in New York, but It U
VUinnin'' In 'Frisco, nnd I ny that's
u stiinulii' lint, and I could wear it.
Ho there." The window hud lost It
attraction, und the "swell" little girl
ami the "-tlliililn " little girl walked
oil' In n lit of the ulk.
Hut going buck to the reulm of dow
er, urtlllulul though tliey limy I
Polly knows of one sweet little girl
who s not yet out of her teens, wh
All i not gold tlmt glitter, but gold always reminds you of n violet by he
button, gold braid, gold embroidery modest little way and her proferonc
mid gold tas-el, uuglcs ami splki-, for violet, and you never x-e her but
nre all the rugo nnd are used ou overy- Uomethlng uboiit her reminds you of
thing nnd the latter is Mug run Into them Instantly. She gave wuy tlit'so-
the ground. I he siike were showy cret the other tin v. "You know, Polly
und drey ut tint, but owing to their I was not lorii handoiiie, nor evoi
Mug cheap, costing only three cent pretty, to my great regret, o I deter-
apiece, they have Urome o common mined to cultivate n cheery, happy
tlmt other thing uro In-lng sought to I ill-i-ltlon, and trv and ninke mv-elf
take their place. A very hunil-oiue o nttrnctivo in other ways that m
nine spiKo niines in spurKiiug oi w mi irienus nt least wouiil rorget I wits
h tiny gold houd to clasp it roiind the homely. I can't nlloril to drt-s hum!
rlblsni". They cnt twenty nnd twenty Nimely, but I aim to dress In gil tute,
live cent nploce, don't hsik common, und during the .soaxin I wear violets
nnd are very drossy. No matter the eoiistuutly, nnd even my hat are
color of the dross, It I deemed the trimmed with the (lower I miM love
proper thing to -lllch it in gold or trim
It In narrow gold braid, mid It does not
stop at the ilrocs and wniis, but ex
tends to the hut nnd neck ribUois tlmt
are adorned with little gold tassel. '
ou iiy I nlwuys curry the lor of
(lower with me. Till- is tho wuy I do
it. You see tilts little Uittle of vloh
Iicrfiimery'.' It Is the tlnest French e.
tract of the violet tlmt in inude, inn
nw n new depnrture in this fancy for furthermore, it Is lasting ami u few-
gold decorations tho other day on u drops go n long way. I put three o
young girl and wondered whether It four dros on this tiny little silk pat
was u fancy of Iter ow n. On the end-
of the rlblsjii tlii I lu a graceful Nw nt
the neck was her own monogram lu
gold the real nrtiele. She looked like
she was one of the few that could grat
ify every whlmthut cuiiic Into hercurly
little head. It wus u new feutureniid
Polly will ackuowKslgo that I niis--d
Iflng n Inn-prophetess If the idea Is not
taken up mid from now on the mono
grams uud simple little Initials do not
apHnr hi something that her less for
tunate sistciM cim adopt; but by that
time this little miss Imve grown
tired of her fad ami will lie searching
for something el-e tlmt is out of tin
military.
tilled with cotton ami violet -uelie
iMiwdor mid tuck it among the violet
on my hat when I am going out urn
aiiotiier one In tlie folils of m v ilre-ss,
You caiiiint toll tho odor from the true
violet. The extract coiiii" high, for It
cost a dollar an ounce, but it last fi
a long time If you are careful in ii-ing
It." No wonder she Is a violet girl
thought Polly, when I had time ti
think.
A kindergarten toucher asked one n
her bright little pupils the other day t
choose of the bright strip of puM?r for
his weaving work. Instead of one he
ho-e all the colors. "Well, Walter,
you got the whole lot," the teacher
said as she handed them over to him
"Wasn't she llly?" he sjild to hi-
mother afterward. "She -aid
the whole lot, when she know
was out In the luck yard."
BRIEF REVIEW.
I had
(he lot
Hut enough of this tinsel und gold,
and wo will take n glance Into the big
lry giHMls lioiiM- that lniirt nearly all
of their swell suit, as thoy term them.
lore you will Hud the rich colors that
re found In Roman striis-s uod for
trimming, in striie and mixture,
tended In one perfect whole and Used
as lillilnirs. cord. Vests and naiiols. ils
ho eu-o may U- ami as the tate of the nmcxKtn vipmmiu: vsiumf,
lilgner dictated. Nwirlv all of them John W. Foster, former S-c rotary of
are iimhI In the trliiimliig of blaok suit, Mute and one of tho mint w Idely expo-
but I saw one Jaunty little suit In a rionced of American diplomats, tell
oH-k blue trimmed with the bright some intorostlngand amusing Instances
color. A hut of the cloth -tltelicd In of American diplomat and court c
due and trimmed with the strimil silk tinne-. The ladle w 111 lx? iuterosttsl in
I . . . .
ml a blue bird, made up the daintv knowing that lu diplomacy extreme
ml becoming mitllt. One of the co I consideration i given to the kind of
tuuie dorigued for dinner or evening clothes which tho representative wear.
wear was n Jetted blaok lace in an olab- Mr. roster says: "xune Ministers have
rate sittern oor white tall'eta silk, made thorn-elves ridiculous by securing
he lace fulling to tho verv edge of the " apiilntnieiit in tlie State militia
long train. "Ho. eit have come In d making u-e of that uniform. A
totay,"ut Imist that Is what I heard story i told of one of our represoiitn-
ne of the laisy employe toll a custom- tlvo at a l'uroH'uii court who api'ared
r at site biistUsl round trying this gar- nt the alaco in the garli of a captain of
meiit and that olio ou au Impatient a cavalry troop, a pM lie iiad Ulled at
ustomer who lisiked like tlie Imneof home, which hsl the moiiarchlcul dl-
life was trying on clothe
Now a glance Into our milliner' win-
low. It I too early to think of that
ve ol au ICastcr Umiiet vou have sot
ur heurt on; hut If the di-play in the
iiidow during tliU midway imrt of
liewHMtu isaiiy guaraiitee of what the
priiiK iiillliuery may tiring forth, then
a sure a the blueblnls w ill come ugniii,
pnunloe you that Dame Fashion lias
In store for yon the hellwt bnds and
Ummiis that Imve Iss-n sliowu in
many n day and that they ar- going to
be Ustsl In the grtiltTt pnvfu-loii. YU
I are as much in favor as thev were
i'Imhi they cmiiic forth lu all their glorv
wo or three yonr ag. They are Iswu-
tlful, rich lu color, always In gi
taste ami ar- worn by old and voting.
.'lib U.I .,.wlinetioii is very luuvl. in ,mVl, ..u,.,,,,,,,,,,, ul,m Ul, UkMl,v
flavor. tniMUiieoi Hie iHtmilar lial
lomats, attractitl by his metal helmet,
ipiliulcallv to ask if he Is-longisl to a
lire oouitiny in America. Tlie In
structions of the 1 VKirtment of State
now in force construe the law to allow
of such a departure from a simple
drss us will sevtin? our diplomat
wolcoiue admlttaiico at court cerenion-
le. For instance, the ineinU rs of the
I'lilted Suite omlwissy in Umdoii a-
Hiiroiistateo,cnsoii In kius. bawhes,
with metal buckle on their slux-s, and
lu other reeet in ordinary evening
dross.
U"j1U Miit ol linnon oaili.
Ill some new Unik lailldlngs tlmt are
being envtcsl In Utudoii, It has It-en
divlihsl to trust neither dUv, private
eti-todiaiis nor safes. All wnlN eon-
neoled with the money vault are to
hcfiitirt crown h-uuideof violets, the
tonis Is-lug cut oil' -si as to U M'Wtsl in
lint. The brim l made of nival niirnle
'wvet, with bow and lolig-temmsl
vwilvU fur trimming. The lovely pink
rtw tlmt wet conspicuous for their
IkH'iuv lat jeur have Hindu their ap-
peiimniv in luauilth-s this year. To lv
sure, tho Miuiiiu-r of leu) showed pink
roM, tail they were lacking in gniee
and dainty color. Tlie rose fur this
cnim r-oro-he.1 rueof the dalutv
coUtr that you sonietiines v lu the
hunts of suiiset, rosy a Aurora's finger
tli. There are countings Ikj.I, and
lirsniitbeinmu, too, but lu the latter
only one or two of the flower have
thu lar Uvti itwl, ami tliey were pkieed
dllvelh iui that frMit u( the lint that
turned hack (rout the face aud kktsl
ik natural as though they Iiad "jut
grownl" there. Another of these haU,
to U worn oil' the ftitv, was maile of
ulack velvn aud a handful uf still Utile
liltc bud wllh no Uxtvos to relieve
the M-Vint), that Usikisl for all the
orld hkt a man bad picked aud placs
llicin tin ii I.-1 :i was tlie kind of !u
linlssidtsl in them, the idea, of course.
Mug that the nKiudist surface of the
cannon ball- willcii- Mirgmrs' tool-
to slip and therti will t no chniitvof
lucking the wall- to pltst- iulckly
enough for Imrglarioits ileprtslatiou-.
New St-otlaud Yanl in liiidoit i- the
largest HIIce station in the world, and
W oaKtbtc of lUVoiniiHxlatlug .ttk) s
llee nlllcer.
The grt-at Kurka-ldaho-Maryiaul
on shoot III Nevada ctHinly ylehled
flT.uO.UO In the tlmv minus mei
tioutsl, which isHiiprivsl till- ore Usly.
Alumliiuiu as practlenlly n-ssl 1- ,tl.
way hanloinst with alloy of catppor,
tung-teii, manganese, etc.
Over tl,tt,ll worth of dkiiiMHHl
tv stolen every year fnnn the South J
THE LANCE IN WARFARE.
When the war lu th' Transvaal broke
out, Dr. Frederick S' haffer, a distin
guished German army surgeon, obtain
ed permission to arcomnany the Hrltlsh
troops, his object Wag to ascertain to
what extent the Inoce Is Ptfctlve as a
weapon In war. During the campaign
he devoted his entire attention to this
subject, and now lie has returned home
and forwarded to his government an
cfllclal report thereon.
In It he says that wounds caused by
a lance are not dangerous and are easi
ly cured, and that the reason Is because
the Iron point of the weapon Is round
and therefore pnes through tho or
gans of the IkmIt without Injuring
them to any great extent. "Helng such
a humane weanon." he points out, "the
lance Is bv no iik-sds as tnluahle In
war ns Is generally supposed. Never
theless It can b' made a dangerous
weaiwn by merely changing the form
of Its point, and If the military author!
ties decide to retain It as a portion of
the equipment of cavalry this should
certainly be done "
This suggestion it exciting n good
leal of comment In Kurope. The Frank
."ort Gazette, apparently appalled at
tho thought of transforming a humane
weapon Into a cruel one, says sarcas
tically: "We propose that the point of
the lance he made nf such a shape that
It will lacerate every organ In the body
nnd render the cure of every wound
utterly Impossible. Furthermore, It will
be well for the authorities to seriously
consider the advisability of Impregnat
ing the point of the lance wllh some
deadly poison."
A liermim Oltlcer'a KnoiTleilue.
The "mail question" In South Africa
Is said to be responsible for n number
of our disaster As showing how ory
differently the surveying of other coun
tries Is attended to In the German ar
my, a correspondent sends the follow
ing story: "A few weeks ago I happen
od to lie In Iterlln. I ennnced to re
mark to n young staff otllcer that Im
mediately on arrival In London busl
n ess would take me to a little Hump
shire village As It was many miles
from the station I would. I observed,
probably have great difficulty In ob-
talulng a conveyance. 'Not at all
promptly observed my friend. "You
will reach the railway station hi 2 .10 p.
m. on Tlnirsil.iv afternoon. It Is mar
ket day. and au omnibus leaves the
station for the village on that day at
hourly Interval between 10 n. in. and
0 p in If you choose to walk, bow-
ever, jou must remember to take the
second turning on the left ami the tlrst
ou the right after leaving the station
Of course I asked my Informant If he
had ilslled the place. 'I have never
been In England In my life.' was the
answer. "I am on the surveying staff,
and the southeastern portion of ll:iuiv
shire Is my district.'" tximlon Chronicle.
A lilac I'ruii riirm.
How many generations ago was It
wiien unklinl llrltlsu satirists liegan
calling Frenchmen frog enters in ac
cents of sneering and contempt? It Is
not unlikely that lu the-e days as many
frogs' legs are cooked and eaten In
the United Stales as lu our sister re
public oer tlie sea. The sales lu our
markets are large, and the demand lu
American homes uud restaurants
seems to be steadily Increasing. Sev
eral keen New Knglanders have nut
their heads together and also their cap
Ital and have decided to start a huge
frog farm not n hundred miles from
Boston. The annual crop will not be
sent across the ocean, but will bo takeu
lu the markets of mir principal cities
1'lils is n time of odd and noel Indus
tries. Is there a possible profit lu tad
(tolos too?
Well llehnteil Wnatllliutoll.
Wnshluglou Is iK-rliaps the most mor
at of the large cities of the country.
There nre no gambling houses. Faro.
roulette and keuo are unknown. Poker,
when played. Is restricted to small
groups lu private rooms. Sunday ob
servance Is notable Not only are sa
loons shut tight, but other places of
business, save w here food or news
papers or drugs are on sale. No the
atrical ontertnlniiietits are given, the
last ntideville bouse which attempted
Sunday night performance tmvlug
yielded to pressure (he past year. The
observance of the liquor law U not
merely formal, with tbe evasions of
side doors, ns found la some cities It
Is actual, licensed places closing
promptly at the hours speeded In tbe
law. St. IjuIs ; lobe-Democrat.
lllrl i:l,-rs.
There Is an old legu.d i tint every man
must eat a peck of d.n before be dies.
In some (Kirts of Australia people eat
mora than a lck of it and do actually
die as a result 'I here is a disease there
w bleb frequently becomes epidemic, as
It has now lu North Queensland, and
which lakes the form of Inspiring Ils
1 1ctlms with a mad desire to eat earth.
At Usraldtown. Cooktowu and Towns
vllle conditions are more tbau serious.
and It is feared that tbe acourge will
pread and that I be school children
will come uuder Its Influence A com
mission of medical men bas Just been
ppolnted to consider means of check
ing tbe dlulp
PASSING THE BELL.
Xii l.onxer l'el to llecoril tbe Jor
nnU Sorrom of llurnnnltr.
1 he solemn and Impressive custom of
announcing death br the tolling of the
church bell will soon be but a vague
and distant memory. "The passing
MI" has Itself passed away, and Its
slow measured accents no longer tell
the story of the departure of one more
soul. The brief notice In the dally pa
per, while It conveys explicit informa
tion, falls to give something that the
bell's tolling carried with It. The sol
emn rhythmic tones awakened a mo
mentary vibration in the breast of each
listener nnd bade each pause for sym
pathy and meditation. The hell ad
monished the sinner to repent and
warned the thoughtless that time was
tiylng while it spoke clearly and com
prehensively nnd bade all scattered
and preoccupied Inhabitants attend Its
story.
The bell's voice Is Identified with all
the decjM?st and most sacred human
emotions. It has bespoken the Joys and
sorrows of all mankind for centuries.
Is Its voice to die away and nave no
part In tho life of the future? The
wedding hells ring out no more save
In some song or story. Tho Christmas
chimes are seldom wafted to our cars.
The church bells ring but faintly now
and under constant protest. "The cur
few tolls the knell of parting day" only
In verse. A sunset gun today gives
greater satisfaction. The angelus
sounds merely In pictorial form, the
fire bells give place to still alarms, the
dinner bell Is silenced In polite society,
and sleigh bells are discarded.
What Is the future of the bell- that
happy fcllver tongue that has sung out
the Joys of all the world, that solemn
tone that has mourned for the nation's
dead and voiced the nation's woes and
summoned to their knees the nation's
worshipers?-Atlantic Monthly.
The Sklu nmt the t.nnm.
"That the skin 1 Intimately connect
ed with tl e lungs I proved by the
fact that our minor Ills of Hie respira
tory tract- colds, for Instance are al
most always traceable to a checking
of the perspiration, so that the Impuri
ties of the blood polon us." suys Har
vey Sutherland. In Aiuslee's. "Every
body know the story about the little
Iwiy that wus covered with gold leaf as
a cherub for some Homn' pomp and
how he died In agony a few hours
afterward. The poisons manufactured
by ids own organisms slew him, to
say nothing of his sutTocatlon. Hums
Involving more limn one-third of the
general surface are fatal becaue the
excretory powers of the skin are less
ened beyond the abilities of the other
depuratory organs to make iqt for.
"Varnish an animal and It will die
in from six to twelve hours, say some
authorities. This Incontrovertible fact
is matched by another equally incontro
vertible that nobody ever heard of
any case of tarring and feathering that
killed tho victim. lie might have had
all kinds of trouble lu getting tbe stuff
off, and he might have felt n shock
to his pride, but he didn't die that any
body over hoard of. 1 never assisted
at a ceremony of this kind at either
end of the Joke, and so 1 can't speak as
to tho completeness wllh which the
body Is covered wltb tbe tar. but from
my general kuowledge of the character
of the ieople of tlie west and south
west, where ucb sorts are freely In
dulged In. I should say that It would
most likely lie n thorough and compre
hensive pigmeniati. u Ii may be that
tbe man hicntlits through the quills
of tho foaihei sin. k ou lint I doubt It.
should H -iik mi u hi $ea u) tbe
(lore or ih- -kin -iulte as effectually
as varnish, and it is a imlnt warranted
io near in an u-nim-rs ami not to
cru"k or scale off."
f llrlenm Market,
Hy (be operation of a u?w Law Deer
I .In 0 greeu grocers, butchers and
luitry sellers iu New oncid are
forced lo clo thvir places of busloe
penuaueatly Tbe kiw lo question pro
hibits ibe establishment of a private
market wltblu a.'.i'O feet of a public
market and was enacted lu th latere!
of tbe public market I Id order
to Increase ibe revouM of the city. It
has hern tested and upheld in the
courts. Tbe public markets now bare
a tMOotMly. aud food nrto In New
Orleans will go up 10 or 15 por cent.
New York Trlbuue.
African diamond mines.
silll nlou..
"Hare you fastened the windows,
dearr br asked, as I bey werv shout
to rvttr? for (be Hlgkl.
"No What's tbe use! I cava yon
Ibe la -i tlollar I bad la buy that new
hat. ami e needn't fear bursrUr "
"llui i bey mlht sit down on the bat.
rou know" Uashlnstan IHhi
The shaft of many California quart
mine are many feet below sea level.
Count ToKtol Is again reported to U-
rioiish ill
' berv are zt,T7b young wen la the
medical college of tbe Called Stale.
Ux tluiu half as many. M.S74. lu tbe
law ti,., au-l only about cue tb.rd
a uuii.v y.s.,; ,a ibe theological tfla.
Thu Kl Hun Miule Mini JIhiI
A Hoston mini. In sin-aklug of certair
foreign characteristics, told the follow
ing story: "A iiii.(.,e Hged American
couple traellng abroad tome veurs
ago called in Home ou a sculptor with
wuow they had been acquainted years
nerore. t tie visit passed off pleasant
ly. but at It close the host gallautlv.
tint none the less to tier surprise aud
chagrin, klod the lady as he said
goodhy. The sculptor was an elderlv
man. but ncvcrthi less It was a HVrtv
nod she wa not astonished to bear bor
liusbaud ejaculate Why. 1 never heard
of such cheek! I've a good mind to an
back and tell him what I think of lilinH
After two or three remarks of
similar tenor, in hlch tbe uote of au
Ker was risinic. ine wire ilecided to
pour oil on the troubled waters and so,
ii) ner hand on his arm. said: !
kuow, dear be shouldn't have fcUed
me, hut what does It really matter
What does a kiss count In a woman of
my year? He Is a very old man, and
probably he was following tbe fashion
or too count i t
"Her husband turned au astonished
face. 'Of course I don't mind his kbM
hag you.' be raged, but,' and his voice
rose. U s bit having klsaed me that has
hurt my feelings!'
"Tb sculptor bad followed tbe Ital
ian custom and kUac! both wife and
husband."- New Vork Tribune.
Che Ouulile Letter.
The double letter Is scarcely of use
in auy language. Sometimes we are
purely Incou-l-teni. Letter must have
two literal oue. The double letter
ir. H'trinm affects the pronunciation,
tt'.iuld it not be well to drop tbe
ei.ie loner altogether? It would
p'iry spelling and Mr time too.
an! Queries
I'hr I8nei froth llmelrd.
Caller- Vou look Ilk a good
truthful girl Tell me It your
trea renin out?
IHiinoetie She is. ma'am.
Caller- Uvrr
Domain ic A i the elbows.
Chicago rr-t.uoe
QUARRIES OF OLD EGYPT
Where Slnne For Prr.mld. of lb
....... v.. Procured.
On tbe way to Phllro and the head of
Ull ' Hl.fnnpe SOUth Of
the cataracu u - - .,
Assouan, we come upou the anclen
quarries which snpplled the graum
.1.. -i,,mn tatue3 and obelisk
throughout Kgypt for many centurlc s.
An obelisk which we saw lies In Its
naUvebed. It Is 93 feet In length, an 1
thre shies have been carefully cut,
but for some unknown reason It was
never separated entirely irom .- i.
rook. The surface bears the tool
m.rL-. nf the workmen. Tbe grooves
In It show that It was to have been re
,!i,t nt the sides. It was supposed
ika tha etnnf WftS snllt from Its bed
by drilling holes In the rock and filling
them with wooden wedges, which were
afterward saturated with water, the
swelling wood furnishing the power.
Prom Illustrations In the temples It
clear that these great monuments were
fioated down the river on naiooois uuu
rafts and then carried Inland by arti
ficial canals or dragged overland by
k..,an.ta nf sinvf-s. In one of ibe
tnmlis at llenl-Hassan Is a picture II
Instrntlne the process. The great stone
i loaded tinon a huge sled drawn by
multitude of workmen. One man Is en
iraged In pouring water upon the run
i,.r tn nreveiit friction: another stand
nt the loft of the statue nnd beats time,
ti,,. r Him men may work in unison
.ri.ili. inoisecr. provided with whip
.,..,. ii,n hihiirei-i to their task. What
i.i..,. ,i..ir,.,i lo extricate this block
from the niuirry why It was left here,
what It wa to commemorate, we ca
never know The riddle of the phln
is solved, but the riddle of tbe obclls
i !, .innrrv will uo doubt reinal
with us forever.-Chautauquan.
.Not the Han Viol Jlan'a Fanlt.
A capital story relating to good old
times Is still told In the Ken district
of the eastern counties. As Is well
known by many and even uow rcmera
bored by some, a bass viol was often
procured to help the choirs In parls
churches.
One lovely Sunday morning In the
summer while the parson was droning
out his drowsy discourse and had about
reached the middle a big hull manage
to escape from hl pasture and march
ed majestically down the road, bellow
ing dcfJnntly as he came. The parson
who was somewhat deaf, heard the
bull bellow but. mistaking the orlgl
of tho sound, gravely glanced townrd
the singers' seats and said In tones of
reproof:
"I would thank tbe musicians not to
tune up during service time. It annoys
mo very much."
As may well be Imagined, the chol
looked greatly surprised, but said noth
ing.
Very soon, however, the belligerent
bull gave another bellow, and then the
aggrieved parson became desperatel
Indignant. Cassell's Magazine.
A Social Ambiguity.
He had hoped to be asked to tak
her In to dinner, but to his great disap
pointment that duty fell to somebody
else. And so mull the men arose to let
the women tile out he could only gaze
at her from afar and be politely stupid
lo the woman nest him. He had neve
met her before, but somehow they
seemed to know each other very well
by the time they had spoken a few
word In the course of the short wait
In-fore the guests paired off ou their
way to the illulug room. He dldn'
know what she thought of him. but he
knew that from his Klnt of view she
was about right. And he was a man
ditllcult to please.
The men seemed to lilin to linger over
their cigars an Intermlnnble time. At
last thoy trooped to the drawing room
He sought tier out
"How diil jou get along?" he asked
io ten you the truth." she said
(rankij. and her frankness wa-. charm
ing. i nave iieen bored to death Have
you uvn r
"Yes," be said.
isu t it a pity." sue remarked, "that
we didn't got tho chance to be liorod In
each others company ?"-Niw Vork
Mill
l.o.i iter Hatch,
I.oren P. Merrill or Paris tells the
story of tbe particular old woman, and
oe maes her a resident of Mvermon
ibe was not only old, but she was of
ine worrying, fretting species of antlq
ulty She bad fretted awav hi-r tr
and relatives until she was ut lm,n",
llvlug alone In a small bous m n,u
outskirts or the town Jut as she wn
lennug one Hitter CO d lllu'ht she .11.
covered that Hut one unllghte.1 match
remained In the house. She lay awake
until almost iiarii--iit vi-nrrri.. ... i
unuroing nerself with wondering If
tne match was good At Inst she got
up and buoted up the match and struck
It to see If It would llrht hr L-ittu..,
n the monjlng -Lewlstou (Me.i Jour
nat
Taken h snrprUe,
"That cousin ol yours Is from Chlcu
asked the village post
Haycraft
po. Isn't her
master.
"Yes," replied Tarnier
How d'ye kuowr
"When be was In hero r,.wn.,i
asked If there wa, ,' " ) " "
"crafts. I told birr Ton .LZ
second later wheu be -.. ,
ay I said: Hold up There is one
tT-Z '" that when I
.W Hold up1 be threw m hi- i.....
vi u llUin Off -r-l,l.
on,, -...
Trlli
and
mis-
mi'im..
"orst paying
A vulgar man i ealMloiM and tealou
eager al impetuous about rrltos. He
superts uiniv-lf 10 he slighted, and
think tvervhiug that is ahj meant
i blm
A permanent life Una, coaalstiBg of a
roo wtre cable, ha bees stretehi
I'oor P
Hr. Pill-That' tbe
family ever attended
5i:r:;'is,rs:j
peony out of tbem Eeuing
.' a':'!L b'fe
"n- i got a DlcLi tt . ..
THE LAST CHARGE.
lniinpmr, mow on, lernoc md tt,.l
Blow till thy bule outrinj th,
Scire not the wounded thil mu. . !
.1 l
Drown In our em ill their nt,,.. ,
Steid, driioooil Cet toother toau
Aim it the brent, (or that imCI
I . r it 1 &
Now let ui t like whirlwind e.1
Ride like jour roretitheril Ctnll
Trumpeter, Mund me drrid noteitjj
ni ,. . t . ... . . w - .... ali
Blow till the err ol It, cllnrlnr J:
Call lie the tuedrooi thu JS
deith. I
CIom up, drigoont, nd ride lonnrjivS
Trumter, mow m once more loa-ulj
Thli Ii not eirth, tut deid men, that ,g
' '- tiny
Trumpeter, lound note tender ind hJi
Will lor thow loit to ui, tob tor out54
Crr loud tor teneeineel Od.
Rlril the roir ol the kuIi that Ut.i"iJ
Rnif, drigoonil Vt ire Bfte ttit for. iS
hunt ii a rhrr bursti orer lte rr... ' 1
Who flrct cm Dine hit horie Into th.i,L "i
rn .. . ..... , v..m i r-.., '
-Thomai Trie Uoure In UcClari'! ' 1
RULED WITH A Ro;
flat the noil 3Inat De roa i 5
lledhot Tin. '
"When all other methods of,'
ling wild beasts fall the keener
to employ an Iron rod, which h'"'
maue reunoi ai one enu," mhv
circus man to a Star reporter n'
-Lrions nnu tigers," ue contlnnfi
cringe before the heated poktri
matter how restless and frtyK
may nave ucen tne sight of tya
ing iron immcuiately brlnci i
their best of animal senses. lA
almost hypnotic Influence on.
beasts. I have seldom heard!
aDlmal being burned In this
however, so mere is nothlDrt
the treatment. It would not dali
keeper to burn the charges ogj
cai. for the scars would
animal for exhibition purpoiet
hot Iron Is a terror, Just th
and under Its persuasion tbelCa
the Jungle arc docile and reiM
what is wnnteu or tncm.
"In circus menageries the tu
often become almost unmin
This Is true of the younger $;$
who do not like the Idea of t
closely housed, so much haoltff
and so often cut off from the E
the outside world. When IUS
necessary to give their cageifS
ough and sanitary cleaning, onti'
ant bolus tuc beast in a
means of the redbot Iron, wi
other thoroughly cleanses limit
ing portion of the cage, the woit),
accomplished by brooms inj.!
I . .,.!. , M
iruiu lot- uuisiuc. iu euaopN
wilder animals from the cif -4
ployed on the road to the lirj "J
more commodious quarters atttjg
iCI BlUUUU, 1 Uili V luii a BirJMH
Is used. The wagon Is uaaltili
sine tne large cage ana the imu
box, open at both ends, Is constx
passageway. The animal besin
make the Journey through suclti
plclous looking object, howete
again the heated Iron must bek
Into play." Washington Star.
i
Toon n Jlean Advnntut
A supernumerary lu Itlchard
field's com puny who had been,
Scotch phrase, continuously u :
tlnually "heckled" by the mia1;
rehearsals and between the ncti
leged displays of stupidity ontlr
was Informed that a near rel
his bad departed this life andk.
blm a competence, so be d
leave the dramatic profession 4-W
quote him, become respectable.
I I t . . .. . . ..L.
icariug ue ueiermineu to iiiir;
veuge on Mansfield for the ttr .
his amour propre that gentlew
made.
The play was "Itlchard III"!
super was one of the coldm
led nn-nr llu nuL-n nf ItucMJ
when the king orders his demist,
In due time Itlchard remarket;
with his head!" and this vrii
pcr's opportunity. Advancing
touched his helmet In the itjk
footman and replied loudly and I
ly:
That'll bo attended to, old
We'll take cure of old Buck.
all rightl" and retired graceful!.
the Infuriated Mansfield caot
commit murder, be found ibe ic?,
tied. Chicago Chronicle.
Oulda nnd Ibe Ilachriir'JE
Lord Itathmore told a friend
ouco took Oulda In to dinner i
disappointed he was to Und tWJ
novelist devoted herself to tie J
rather than to Intellectual refrai?
He said at Inst In despair at
only been able to get "Yes" asJ jj
in answer to tne Ultlerent aunj-
Introduced: "I'm nfrnld I'm iltfS
unfortunate lu my choice of topi
there anything we could talk w
Interest you?"
To which the chronicler pf .
shortcomings replied: "There 'j
thing which would Interest
much. Tell me about the ducbenl
have written about them all i
and never mot one yet."
. Why Cables Gel Tire.
There has been some questW
The Electrical Engineer, as to t
son why certain cables lose thelal
ducting properties nnd have lJ
Instances to be replaced. A
Frenchman has submitted a P?i
the subject to the Academle 4al
euecs. In this nancr he tat
when cables lose tbelr electric!!
crtles It Is becauoe they are 1
'jsed for one kind of current $
ther rxisltlve or necatlve. "J
sometimes for positive and ej
ror negat ve. they w . he aiama
serve their conductive oualitiess
Inttelr Kinerlments with olf
running from Paris to Dijon
trated this, he says.
ot Wliollr a Jllaforll
The Widow-Yes. Henry's det
great loss to me. but I am thinWj
one thing-he died before be co
i T i his patetit nerfected.
i Vaa:?lVh'"' . : SympathU.ng lcnd-rarJoJ
1 teadau7 . " 'Jmpathy for the The Widow-You don't unue-
' er boors." mpioyees for short- , hy, In that case, you know,
Mrons wtre eahle. has h . -N0 much." sn..i ...
along tbo entire aUtaaee of tte ChicT I1' J?t ,0 "M men don't know
4r.la.ge canal. W 8e. ,o be u!ed off f' '
in. , . " " t.
money he bad would have gone'
or later.-Iloston Transcript
caae of accident
The American ,ioall imnorted in..
SneJ.-u aoitie i agvi eeai to thrive
SUd 'II. r as,- j i ..nts r (r r
, , US IO
'S s.s .1 n. . , . r a ..II,. . . .
au stati.' U . l w :ut. . t... re
and the girls iifc.
A tlpeaa llararala.
Wife Oh. such a bargain! I 1
"leg. Drive A Co.'s ahead of 0'
r I narM ... . . I. . . .... . ...
innisx.i.1. ... .. tsr iuptu mis morn hi- an, mi enoucn i'
,r nrir M e -----. ---
""yiDg in a perfectly e erant dress for!-!
" a nice, con.fortal.u h, V""us ,u i"eciiy elegant dress ror
' mae or i. h. . J. .' .b'nellke office i Husband-Hoonla! You're
Star ua'- -Washington What will It cost to get It n)idJ
- ' Wlfe-'Hout $3a-New York