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About Smoke signals. (Grand Ronde, Or.) 19??-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 1, 2009)
16 OCTOBER 1, 2009 Smoke Signals Co-dependency supports neurosis, addiction and dysfunction In an effort to inform and assist the community at large, Smoke Signals publishes a monthly article addressing various mental health issues writ ten by a member of the Behavioral Health Department at Health & Well ness. They welcome e-mails, letters and questions from people with mental health-related questions at tom.bendergrandronde.org. "A relational pattern in which a person attempts to derive a sense of purpose through relationships with others." (Mondofacto.com) By Tom Bender Tribal Mental Health counselor Much of the literature on co dependency states that the term came out of addictions theory and referred to someone who was in a relationship with an addict and involved in a series of unhealthy patterns. The non-using person might be trading money, time, secret-keeping, bailing out of trouble or being an emotional (or physical) punching bag, all for a secondary gain. Today, we call this "enabling." When the concept is expanded beyond the realm of substance abuse, we call it co-dependence. In the co-dependent relationship, what someone is often support ing is their loved one's neurosis, addictions and dysfunction. This can take the form of rewarding someone's manipulative behavior by helping them avoid the repercus sions of their actions. The co-dependent might repeat edly bail their son out of jail though he's been arrested numerous times; the co-dependent might repeat edly allow themselves to be treated disrespectfully and convince them selves that the person didn't mean it; the co-dependent may give some one money even though they know it will be used to buy alcohol or drugs; the co-dependent may turn a blind eye to every lie or breach of trust and then become angry at friendsrelatives who point out that they're being taken advantage of; the co-dependent will always put the other person's needs ahead of their own, often to their own detriment; and the co-dependent will do everything in their power to actually become the person they think the other wants them to be in an effort to gain love and avoid abandonment. Beneath co-dependency, fre quently, is low self-esteem. What to do? A good place to start, in fact a profound place to start, is to look at one's definition of love. Love does not say "Yes" to every request that comes its way. Love does not perpetually put another's needs before one's own. Love asks the question: What is in my high est good and the good of the people I love? It means risking disapproval at times, sure, and having to look at one's feelings of low self-worth, but the payoff is huge. Everyone benefits when we make self-loving choices. D am) KU .Milium -Siletz- -Salem-Oct. 5: 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Oct. 19: 1 :30 to 7 p.m. Oct. 6: 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Oct. 20: 10:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. Oct. 7: 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Oct. 21:1 0:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. Oct. 8: 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Oct. 22: 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. Oct. 9: 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. If you need assistance, call Joyce Rctherford at 1-800-922-1399, ext. 1393, or call direct at 541-444-8393. INTERNAL OPENINGS Recreation Program Assistant (temporary) Facilities Grade: 5 Closing date: Oct. 13 EXTERNAL OPENINGS Caregiver (on-call) Adult Foster Care Grade: 5 Opened until filled Drug-Free Workplace Policy Effective January 1, 2004, all employees are subject to random drug andor alcohol testing. All pre-employment offers. When there is reasonable suspicion. Post accident. Internal applicants are 1 . Current Regular Employee, past their six month Introductory period, receiving at least a'meets expectations'on most recent performance evaluation and not under disciplinary action or performance improve ment within the previous six months, 2. Grand Ronde Tribal members 3. Spouse of a Grand Ronde Tribal member or 4. Parent or legal guardian of Grand Ronde Tribal member children Internal recruitment For those individuals meeting minimum .qualifications an interview will be given in the following ranking order 1 . Grand Ronde Tribal members a) Qualified Grand Ronde Tribal members who show they meet the minimum quali fications of the position during the course of the interview process will be given first consideration for hire and the recruitment process will end 2. Tribal member spouses, parents andor legal guardians of Grand Ronde Tribal member children 3. Current regular employees For a detailed job description, please contact the Tribe's job line at 503-879-2257 or 1-877TRIBEGR. St. Michael's Annual Fall Craft Fair & Bake Sale Friday, Oct. 2, and Saturday, Oct. 3 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Soup, sandwiches and beverages will be for sale. St. Michael's Catholic Church 48520 Hebo Road Grand Ronde, Oregon Follow the bright colored signs. For more information, call 971-241-7369. The Confederated Tribe of Grand Ronde rO ? S2.CASA COtBT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATE I COM! A TRIBAL COl'KT CAtA VOLUHTIH AND i A "! ' - - voir! ma a monctro oa Aaitio nativi child. ' At a Grand KonJc Iribal Court C'ASA you will tpcak up for the beat iaicrctt of a neglected or abuied Tribal child. You will review record and peak with pertinent pcrtont to the cae and make recommendation to the Court tlaiing what you, a a CASA, believe i be! for the child. EVERY NATIVE CHILD DEIFRVM TO HAVE A IAFE MOMfi, AN EDUCATION. AND TO KNOW AND HE CONNECTED TO THEIR CULTURt Our Child 1a 2 A mi -- - fi f , ' 4 ! 303). 879-4 623 it i iiki iii iii unit ciutiit ttctit t mm ciiii cm tiuutiii o o 7" V6 Ad created by George Vaklef Ad created by George Valdet
