Smoke Signals 11
Native Couples' Course Is About Creating Your Own Love Story
The Authors of ''Coming Together in a Good Way; A Native Path to Finding Love"
visit Grand Ronde.
AUGUST 1, 2002
By Ron Karten
Gordon and Pam James come
from Native backgrounds that were
nonetheless poles apart. Gordon,
a Skokomish Indian, was brought
up in a family where feelings were
kept hidden. Pam's family, of the
Colville Tribe, used to fight every
thing out. A lot of people suffer
when they get the silent treatment.
"If she'd give me the silent treat
ment," said Gordon, "I'd think,
'that's fine.'"
This summer, the couple taught
a two-evening Culture 2 Culture
Human Growth and Development
course in the Tribe's new Education
Center. They talked about how to
improve behavior within relation
ships; how to be more fulfilled in
relationships; and while they fo
cused on loving relationships, Pam
said that the information applies to
all relationships.
With a sense of humor, these two
professionals described many of the
little tricks couples play to get un
der each others' skin, but maybe
more important, they also provided
many ideas about how couples find
a place in each others' hearts.
Through their company, Culture
2 Culture, they give 200-300 work
shops a year on the subject. They
work all over the U.S. and Canada,
and give presentations to Tribal
and government groups, casino
staffs, and groups of troubled indi
viduals and couples. They also
work with the state of Washington's
Office for Indian Affairs. Their
book on the subject is called, Com-
II 1 IE?!) cslSl 1 :
They Teach Love Pam and Gordon James, the authors
of "Coming Together in a Good Way; A Native Path to Finding
Love," recently taught a two-day course in Grand Ronde about
relationships and how to make them better through understanding.
some learned behaviors derived
from family situations, what soci
ety teaches and the effect of per
sonal experi
ences. By in
corporating Tribal tradi
tions, the
goal of the
classes was
to learn to
live in both
the Native
and contem
p o r a r y
worlds.
"We put
the tradi
tional and
the contem
porary side
by side and
ask 'how do
we want to
move for-
ing Together in a Good Way; A
Native Path to Finding Love.
"I thought it was great," said
Junelle Fox, Health and Family
Coordinator for the Preschool in
the Education Department. "There
was a lot of helpful information."
As worthwhile as the free work
shop was, it drew only a dozen the
first night, fewer the second, and
virtually all were staffers from the
Education Department.
The couple talked about trouble-
ward?'" said Gordon.
The classes encouraged members
of the audience to look longer and
harder both at themselves and
their values, as well as at others
and what they value. "We spend
more time looking at a car we
might want to buy," said Gordon,
"than at the person we might want
to spend our lives with."
The humorous "Application for a
Date," started with a note saying:
"This application will be incom
plete and rejected unless accompa
nied by a complete financial state
ment, school history, job history, an
cestral lineage, DMV printout, and
a current medical report from your
doctor."
Another handout helped attend
ees to express their desires intellec
tually, physically, spiritually, cultur
ally, emotionally, sexually, and fi
nancially with suggestions to get the
t hinking process going in each of the
areas. A third offered "101 Tips for
Improving on Love, Romance, Inti
macy and Communication."
The James's urged the class to be
specific about who they are as indi
viduals, who they want to be, and
what they want in a friend or part
ner. With a "bulls eye" chart, Gor
don reminded the class about three
degrees of compromise that people
often leave unexamined. The cen
ter marked an area of no compromise.
The next circle out represented an
area of some compromise. The out
side circle showed a place where
people allow plenty of compromise.
Gordon encouraged members of the
class to know which of their personal
values fall into which circles.
"When you make the relationship
(between husband and wife) the
priority," said Pam, "everything else
falls into place."
"It's about creating your own love
story," said Pam.
Marcia Bolton Visits South Dakota;
Presents Tribal Flag for New Monument
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Tribal member Marcia Bolton (left) recently
presented a Confederated Tribes of Grand
Ronde flag to the proposed Crazy Horse
monument (right) on behalf of the Tribe. The
monument will be located in South Dakota.
Photos courtesy of Marcia Bolton
M-fl rrit
Good Food, Really Fast
New food outlets give casino custom
ers more options while they play.
Having a hard time choosing what to eat at the casino? Well, your
decision just got harder. The casino has added two food kiosks to serve
you good food, fast.
Both are similar, but have different food choices.
At "Slot Express" up front near the entrance to the non-smoking area,
you can get Chicken wraps and hot dogs.
And don't forget "Poker Express" near the poker room at the back of the
gaming floor you can choose from a variety of pizza and rice bowls.
Both stands serve other smaller fare and provide a number of bever
ages that weren't available before. Fork anyone?
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