Spilyay Tymoo
Warm Springs, Oregon
April 20, 1990 PAGE 7
Both stepparents, stepchildren may feel anxiety
Did you know that in the United
States, one out of every three mar
riages is a remarriage? And in one
third of these marriages, both
spouses have children from a former
marriage?
That means that not only are
there as many stepchildren, but
more and more stepparents are
dealing with common family mat
ters and facing special concerns as
well. They go shopping, clean the
house, and pay taxes.
But unlike most couples, they
have to care for a whole family
from the first day. The stepchildren
and stepparents have to learn to
accept each other and get along.
Furthermore, the new family has
to blend together. Unfortunately,
this is not an easy process.
Good days, bad days
At first, both stepchildren and
stepparents may feel uncertain and
anxious as well as happy and
excited.
A stepchild has conflicting emo
tions. He or she may be: uncertain
about how to act toward a steppar
ent; worried that liking a steppar
ent means betraying a birth parent;
jealous of the stepparent for shar
ing the parent's attention; upset
because the household "pecking
order," habits, and rules have
changes, but he or she may also be
glad to have two parents like other
children and excited about the new
family setting.
A stepparent, too, has different
feelings. He or she may be: unsure
of a stepparent's responsibilities;
unhappy because he or she does
not love the stepchild instantly;
resentful of the stepchild for de
manding so much of the spouse's
attention; hurt because the stechild
does not show love and apprecia
tion right away, but; elated to be
happily married; and, happy to feel
the family growing together.
There are good reasons for the
merging family's high hopes. The
parents may be better prepared for
this relationship. They may be bet
ter husbands and wive hpranse
Grandparents
You know the type. The grand
parent who proudly pulls out all
the pictures and regales you with
grandchild stories.
Grandparenting is fun, but it's
more than that.
Planting seminars scheduled
Simple Ideas to beautify
Shrubs, bushes and trees
Wendesday, May 2, 2-6:30 p.m.
Warm Springs Extension Ofice
1134 Paiute Street
Perennial flowers and plants
Wednesday, May 9, 2-6:30 p.m.
Warm Springs Extension Office
Annual flowers and plants
Wednesday, May 23, 2-6:30 p.m.
Warm Springs Extension Office
Questions will be answered on
how to plant, and care after planting.
Co-sponsored by the Warm Springs Housing Department and
the OSU Extension Service
Supervisors can motivate employees through
w nen a supervisor says, lwisni i. ask ior periormance. ues- 2. Use lots of positive reinforce
could motivate John," that usually cribe how the job is being done ment and personalize it. Don't
means "I wish I could get John to now, and how you want it to be. take acceptable work for granted.
do his job better." Here are six keys
to doing exactly that
"Spin-a-sound" recalled
The Johnson and Johnson Baby
Products Company of Skillman,
New Jersey is voluntarily recalling
its "Spin-A-Sound" infant toy. Al
though no injuries have been re
ported, the firm has learned that
over time the red end caps on the
toy may become loose, causing the
toy to come apart. This could ex-
Looking for
adventure?
Making new friends is easy
for 4-H camp counselors.
Camp couselors must be in
the ninth grade or above and
must attend camp counselor
trainings May 18 and 19 and
June 12. Counselors are re
sponsible for 5-10 campers
who are in grades 4-6.
Applications are due May
4 for camp counselor posi
tions at Crystal Springs 4-H
Camp, June 23-29.
Information and applica
tions are available at the
Warm Springs Extension
Office. For more information
call 553-3433.
they have learned about themselves
and the needs of a spouse from
their former experiences. 1 1 opefully,
they have found a spouse who is
right for them. Maybeshe has mar
ried a man who will truly be a good
father to her children. Maybe he
has found a woman who will bring
out the best in him.
On the other hand, it isn't sur
prising that there is tension. Old
hurts left from death or divorce
may strain the marriage. Misun
derstandings about the death or
divorce may make it hard for child
ren to accept a stepparent. They
may resent the stepparent, step
brothers, or stepsisters for causing
changes in their way of life.
At the same time, stepparents
may feel awkward about living
with other people's children. They
may feel pressure to love the child
ren. They may be anxious about
whther the children will love them.
Despite all hopes and dreams, most
stepparents and stepchildren don't
love one another instantly. Nor do
they automatically know how to
behave toward each other.
It takes time to trust, feel part of
the group, and learn to work
together.
Putting it all together
There are many things parents
can do to bring the new family
together. They can: Prepare each
family member before the wedding;
Spend time strengthening the mar
riage; Talk about the relationship
between the stepparent and step
children; Help the children con
tinue their relationship with the
birth parent; Encourage all family
members to share their feelings.
As years go by, many families
with stepchildren become closeknit.
As with any family, they will prob
ably have tensions and problems.
However, they also will have much
joy and happiness. They can learn
how to work together as a family.
A step ahead
Before a family with stepchild
ren starts living together, all its
provide special relationship
Grandparents provide a special
relationship for grandchildren that
parents can't. Parents are involved
in the everyday struggles of family
life. Grandparents are usually above
the discipline the worry about spe-
your home landscape
selection, location and space,
Then ask the employee to do it that
way.
... . , , anothercold oreven irritated. So
pose the children o the end caps, find out what works with each of
an inges tible small part, and the your peopei and use it
metal axle with a sharp point.
Johnson and Johnson is asking 3. Build relationships. This does
consumers who have this toy to n t mean be buddy-buddy with
return it for a $10 refund to cover vour employees. But it does mean
the purchase price and return post- vou should treat your people like
age. Enclose your name, address, rea' ''ve human beings. That's
approximate date of purchase and wnat tneY are' a"d they will respond
mail the toy to: Spin-A-Sound Dest when you actions show you
Recall, PO Box 1 1460, Des Moines, respect their individuality and trust
IA 50381-1460. If you have any their intentions.
questions, or to receive a mailer for
returning the toy, call 1-800-448-8371.
Add color to
Inject some instant spring color
into the home landscape with
annuals. Now that April has arrived,
many nursery and garden stores
have large stocks of annual flowers
on display. Annual flowers are
ornamentals used for a garden effect
in a single season.
Examples include marigolds,
petunias, snapdragons, pansies,
summer dahlias and candytufts.
Annualls are ideal in beds and
borders, or set among newly planted
shrubs. They can also be grown in
window boxes, outdoor planters,
patio tubs and hanging baskets.
Although flowering annuals can
be trom seed, most people buy
members are likely to have ques
tions and fears such as the following:
The child's questions. The child
will have questions such as these:
Will wc move to a new house?
Will I have to share my room?
What should 1 call my step
mother? Will mommy still love me after
she marries him?
Will daddy stop loving me if I
love my stepfather?
Will my stepmother be nicer to
her children than to me?
Will my stepfather leave us too?
If he and mommy have a baby,
will they still love me?
If I'm mean to my stepfather,
will he leave so my real daddy can
come back?
The parent's questions. A parent
will have questions, too, such as:
What kind of father will he be to
my children?
How can I help her feel less
jealous toward my ex-wife?
Will he understand the amount
of time i need to give to my children?
Will he feel awkward living with
my teenage daughters?
Will my ex-husband make life
miserable for us?
Will his children and my child
ren get along?
Will she be willing to adopt my
religion?
Will she be willing to adopt my
religion?
Will my children ever accept
her?
Farm machinery use
In the American Journal of Pub
lic Health, it is suggested that farm
children would benefit from using
ear plugs. The consequence of not
wearing ear plugs could be a more
substantial hearing impairment as
an adult.
In Central Wisconsin, a study
involving 872 vocational agricul
ture students revealed that between
cifics. They just love, no matter
what.
During family crises, such as
financial, illness, separation, or .
divorce, grandparents can be a sta
ble port in the storm. Sometimes
grandparents hang back, not want
ing to intrude. But for grand
childrenmore phone calls, more
letters, more visits can be a real
help.
Grandparents also provide a
special perspective because of their
life experiences. When a teen has a
problem, for example, a visit with
grandpa can help the teen think
about the situation in a new way.
"This gift of acceptance and love
is a very special link for grandpar
ents and youth."
Trimming fat is easy
Trimming away excess body tat
is easier than you might think. The
best way is through periods of non
stop exercise but at a moderate
level of exertion, or 60 percent to
70 percent of your maximum heart
rate.
More intense workouts are not
necessary, and actually are less
effective for burning bodv fat.
thank people tor
people tor it. And praise
them every time they improve.
Remember, though, that while
everyone likes to be recognized,
what motivates one mav leave
4. Understand your employees'
point of view. Make a habit of lis-
landscape with annuals
them as bedding plants from local
nurseries.
When buying plants, look for
sturdy, clean and well-branched
specimens. Pansies are already in
bloom when they go on sale. But
with other annuals, look for those
just coming into bud. They will
bloom about a week after they are
planted.
Be sure to keep the roots of bed
ding plants damp until they are
planted. Protect bedding plants
from the wind both before and
after planting. If they are put in a
windy spot, give them protection
for a week after thev are planted.
The stepparent's questions. A step
parent will have questions like:
Do the children like me?
Will they accept me?
What kind of discipline are they
used to?
How much time will they spend
with their birth parent?
How will I introduce my step
children to other people?
Will he have to send a lot of
money to his ex-wife?
Should I takeajoborstay home
to get to know my stepchildrend?
Will his children have to spend
every vacation with us?
Will the children get upset if I
redecorate the house?
Is it OK to tell her that her child
gets on my nerves?
If stepparents, birth parents and
children discuss these concerns, anti
cipate problems, and plan for
changes before the wedding, it may
be easier to adjust afterwards. Some
discuss such issues the first time all
members of the new family get
together. Others plan a casual out
ing such as a hike or picnic first and
discuss plans later.
In addition, birth parents and
children talk among themselves.
Making physical changes making
a place mat for a stepfather, find
ing a bed for a stepbrother, or let
ting the child choose the color of
his or her room in the new house
often helps children feel more pre
pared and able to deal with changes
ahead.
71 percent and 74 percent of the
students had hearing loss in at least
one ear. Most of the students with
hearing loss were males who lived
and worked on the farm. Of those
Learn to can salmon
Come learn the ABC's of can
ning salmon. Also, two canned
salmon recipes will be made for
you to taste.
Enrollment is limited to the first
10 people who sien up.
Stress affects
Here are a few things you, as an
adult, can do to help youngsters
cope with stress.
Help them plan their projects.
Too often, young people put things
off until the last minute.
Help them focus their efforts
on things that they can change.
Some young people use up too
much energy on things they do not
have control over.
Listen to youngsters when they
talk.
Help them understand that
time often helps more than any-
according to latest research.
Try to exercise aerobically every
other day for at least 25 minutes.
Longer sessions, up to 60 minutes,
will burn more calories and speed
up fat metabolism.
Training heart rate 220 minus
your age, minus your resting pulse,
times .60 (or .70), plus your resting
pulse.
reinforcement,
tening to your people and asking
their opinion before you give direc
tions or offer advice. If you listen
first, and listen with an open mind,
people are much more likely to
cooperate when you decide some
thing has to be done differently.
5. Model what you want. Approach
your own work with a sense of
urgency, use your time efficiently,
and meet the goals you set. Show
employees, by your actions, that
the job really does matter, that
quality is important, and that dead
lines are real.
Recipes provide flavorful, low
Strawberry banana shake
I Pkg. (10 oz.) frozen sweetened
sliced strawberries (thawed slightly)
I ripe banana, cut up
VAC. milk
Fertilize the soil at planting time
with a fertilizer containing phos
phorus, preferably a 5-10-5 formu
lation. Additional light applica
tions of fertilizer can be sprinkled
around each plant at five- to six
week intervals through the early
summer and watered in.
As the annuals bloom, the flow
ers can be cut for bouquets, or
simply enjoyed on the plant. How
ever, as the flowers begin to fade,
they should be removed from the
plant to encourage new flowering.
If the old flowers are not removed,
they will set seed and the plant will
stop blooming altogether.
Use potpourri pots safely
To use potpourri pots safely some
important things must be rem
embered: The Bowl contains water and
spices. Keep water in pot while in
use. Do not let it burn dry.
Clean outside of unit before or
after every use. Do not allow sool
to accumulate above or around
candle flame. Keep candle clean of
debris and candle wick material.
When replacing candle, use pro
per si?e and type candle to avoid
How much credit is too much
How much credit can you attord?
Some experts suggest that your
consumer debt level should not
exceed 20 percent of your income.
There is a more accurate method
of computing an acceptable amount
of credit debt. Try reviewing your
household's budget to determine
how much money you have each
month that could go toward a
credit obligation.
The overuse of credit can lead to
financial problems.
Your use of credit may be out of
requires earplugs
who weren't exposed to farm mach
inery, 46 percent suffered hearing
loss to some degree.
Most hearing loss occurred at
high frequencies. For this reason,
If you have any questions, please
call us at our new office, 553-3238,
1 1 34 Paiute St.
Workshop is Monday, April 30
at 6:30 p.m. at the 4-H Center.
Sign up now!
children too
thing else when depression gets
them down.
Let them know you care about
them.
Let them know when they're
doing well. Young people just like
anyone else love to hear words
like, "I'm proud of you..."
Believe it
or not
In a recent survey of 1 1,419 stu
dents in 20 states, the Center of
Disease Control found the follow
ing concerning risky behavior
among U.S. adolescents:
One-half of the teens surveyed
report using tobacco and alcohol.
One-third of the teens have ser
iously contemplated suicide.
One-half of the teens do not
wear seat belts regularly.
One-third have ridden in a car in
the last month with a driver who
had used drugs or alcohol prior to
driving.
modeling
6. Refuse to accept poor perfor
mance. Though textbooks on mot
ivation seldom admit it, supervi
sors do have to tell employees
when their performance is not
acceptable. Sometimes this means
a reprimand. At other times you
can handle it through coaching.
But either way you're demonstrat
ing that standards matter and
that, in itself, is motivational. As
the old saying has it, "It's better to
aimfor'Excewllence'and hit 'Good'
than it is to aim for'Good'and hit
'Average.' "
I tsp. lemon juice
Va C. nonfat dry milk
In an electric blender combine straw
berries, banana, milk, lemon juice
and dry milk. Blend until smooth
and thick. Serve immedicately in
tall glasses.
Yield: 3 glasses ( 10 oz. each)
Per portion: 228 mg clacium
Low-calorie strawberry
cheesecake
C. fine graham cracker crumbs
13 C. and 2 tsp. sugar
2 tbsp. butter, melted
1 lb I percent milkfat cottage cheese
xh C. nonfat dry milk
3 eggs
2 tbsp. lemon juice
2 twp. pure vanilla extract
Information Provided By:
OSU Warm Springs Extension
1134 Paiute Street
PO Box 430
Warm Springs, OR 97761
(503) 553-32383239
excessive soot build-up. Avoid using
candle in metal cup.
Place unit in a clear and open
area free from drafts or flammable
materials.
Never leave a burning potpourri
unit (or any burning candle) un
attended. If the unit should flare-up,
smother the flames with a wet
cloth. Do not throw water on the
flame.
control when:
You allow some bills to hold
over to the next month because
you don't have enough money.
You pay only the minimum
due on charge accounts.
You have to charge purchases
more than you like because of lack
of cash.
You take out a new loan before
old ones are paid off.
You cut back on necessities in
order to pay installments.
researchers from Marshfield Clinic
in Marshfield, Wisconsin credited
hearing loss at high frequencies to
machinery noise.
The ear most frequently affected
among students living and working
on the farm was the left ear. Pre
vious studies have shown that "a
tractor driver's left ear is most
exposed to engine noise because he
obvserves his work by looking over
his (right) shoulder."
Sound levels of tractors and other
farm implements were found to
have "emitted noise at levels above
those set by the Occupational Safety
and Health Administration. It is
important to note that these stand
ards are primarily meant to apply
to adults, the report said, suggest
ing that the high noise levels may
be even more damaging to children."
What can be done? Audiologist
James Lankford, Northern Illinois
University, suggest wearing ear
plugs and having regular hearing
tests. Also, "sealing sound leaks in
tractor and combine cabs and shut
ting doors and windows can reduce
noise by 20 decibels, enough to
prevent permanent hearing dam
age." If you have any further ques
tions James Lankford can be con
tacted at (815) 753-6157.
Try low-cal
Sip on low-cal beverages. Try
mineral water or tap water with a
slice or two of lemon or lime or
low-cal pop, ice tea or herbal tea.
The liquid in your stomach will
help keep you from feeling hungry.
Water is an excellent food for the
body water helps cleanse the body
of waste products.
If you overindulge at dinner, try
to take a walk afterward. You'll
burn up calories, speed up the
metabolism and avoid indigestion.
Donations needed
Please Help Us! The new 4-H
Garden Club is asking for dona
tions to get our club started. This
club will be for the summer Latch
key children.
We need: two hoses, four hoes,
oscillating sprinkler, stakes, string,
two shovels, four trowels, hose
splicer, yard stick and rake.
Deb Scott and Mollie Marsh
will be the leaders. The club will be
sharing the vegetables with our
Senior Citizens.
calorie treats
8 oz. vanilla lowfat yogurt
I pt. fresh strawberries, hulled and
halved
Preheat oven to 325 F: Lightly but
ter bottom and sides of a 9-inch pie
pan. in a small bowl mix graham
cracker crumbs, 2 tsp. sugar and
butter. With the back of a large
spoon press onto the bottom and
sides of pie pan. Bake for 5 min
utes. In electric blender place cot
tage cheese, dry milk, 13 cup
sugar, eggs, lemon juice and vanilla
extract and blend until smooth.
Pour into pie shell. Bake until firm
about 30 minutes and remove from
ven. Spread yogurt over top. Bake
until yogurt is firm, 10 to 12 min
utes. Cool. Cover and refrigerate.
Just before serving top with straw
berries. Yield: 3 glasses ( 10 oz. each)
Per poi .on: 157 mg calcium 190
calories