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S pilyay T ymoo
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December 21,1984
Page 3
Spilyay Tymoo photo by Shtwciyk
Christmas excitement builds with activities
Cutting but pictures o f wantea
Julie M itchell shares with Lorraine Ekf eberry a copy o f Headstart’s new cookbook. The softbound One way to get what you wantfor Christmas is to make a list telling items for Christmas takes Nicolle
books are on sale at the Headstart office fo r $5 each.
Santa Claus, so claims Buster Isadore.
Charley’s concentration.
William Sam joyfully decorates the Christmas tree at the Daycare/
Headstart trailer with handmade ornaments.
Christmas programs draw large audiences as parents and friends come to hear the children sing Christmas songs they have
practiced. Sixth grade students from Buff Elementary are pictured.
Adults need to learn about children’s anger, feelings
H andling children ’s anger can
be puzzling, draining, and dis
tressing fo r adults. In fact, one
o f the m ajor problem s in deal
ing with anger in children is the
angry feelings th a t are often
stirred up in tis. It has been said
th a t we as parents, teachers,
counselors, and adm inistrators
need to rem ind ourselves th a t
we were not alw ays taugh t how
to deal w ith anger as a fact of
life during o u r ow n childhood.
W ew ere led to believe th a t to be
arigry was to be bad, and we
were often m ade to feel guilty
fo r expressing anger.
It will be easier to deal with
children’s anger if we get rid of
this notion. O ur goal is not to
repress or destroy angry feed
ings in children o r in ourselves,
b u t rath er to accept the feelings
an d to help channel and direct
them to constructive ends.
P arents and teachers m ust
allow children to feel all their
feelings. A dult skills can then
be directed tow ard showing chil
dren acceptable ways o f ex
pressing their feelings. S tro n g
feelings can n o t be denied, and
angry outb u rsts should not al
ways be viewed as a sign of
serious problem s; they should
be recognized and treated with
respect.
T o respond effectively to over
ly aggressive behavior in child
ren we need to have som e ideas
a b o u t w hat m ay have triggered
an o u tburst. A nger m ay be a
defense to avoid painful feel
ings; it m ay be associated w ith
failure, low self-esteem, and feel
ings o fiso la tio n ; o r it m ay be
related to anxiety a b o u t situ a
tions over w hich the child has
no c o n tro l
A ngry defiance m ay also be
associated w ith feelings o f de
pendency, and anger m ay be
associated with sadness and de-
pression. In childhood, anger
and sadness are very close to
one a n o th er and it is im p o rtan t
to rem em ber th a t m uch of w hat
an ad u lt experiences as sadness
is expressed b y a child as anger.
Before we look at specific
ways to m anage aggressive and
angry o u tbursts, several points
should be highlighted:
♦We should distinguish be
tween anger and aggression. A n
ger is a tem porary em otional
state caused by fru stratio n ; ag
gression is often an attem p t to
h u rt a person o r to destroy
property.
♦A nger and aggression do
not have to be dirty w ords. In
o th er w ords, in looking at ag
gressive behavior in children,
we must be cafeful to distin
guish between behavior that indi
cates em otional problem s and
behavior th at is norm al.
In dealing, with angry child
ren, o u r actions should be m ot
ivated by the need to protect
and to teach, not be a desire to
punish. P aren ts and teachers
should show a child th a t they
accept his o r her feelings, while
suggesting o ther ways to express
the feelings. A n adult m ight say,
fo r exam ple; “ Let me tell you
w hat som e children would do ip
a situation like th is ., It is not
enough to tell children What
behaviors we find unaccept
able. We must teach them accept
able ways o f coping. A lso, ways
m ust be found to com m unicate
w hat we expect of them . C on
trary to pop u lar opinion, p u n
ishm ent is not the m ost effective
way to com m unicate to child
ren w hat we expect o f them .
R esponding to the A ngry Child
Som e o f the follow ing sug
gestions fo r dealing w ith " the ta n t fo r child ren to have op por
angry child were taken from tunities fo t physical exercise and
The Aggressive C hild by. F ritz m ovem ent, b o th a t hom e and at
R edland D avid W ineman. They school.
M anipulate the surroundings.,
should be considered helpful
ideas and not be seen as a “ bag Aggressive behavior can be en
couraged by placing children in
of tricks.”
C atch the child being good. tough, tem pting situations. We
Tell the child w hat behaviors should try td plan the su rround
please you. R espond to positive ings so th at certain things are
efforts and reinforce good beha less ap t to happen. S to p a “p ro
vior. An observing and sensitive blem ” activity and substitute,
parent will fiiiH countless opportu tem porarily, a m ore desirable
nities during th e day to make one. Som etim es rules and regu
such com m ents as, “ I like the latio n s, as well as physical space,
way you come in for dinner ¡may be too confining.
Use closeness and touching.
without being reminded”; “I appre
ciate y o u r h an g in g up y o u r /M ove physically closer to the
clothes even though you were in child to curb his or her angry
a hurry to get out to play”; “YoU im pulse. Y oung children are of
were really patient while I w a s, ten calm ed by having an adult
on the p h o n e”; “ I’m glad you nearby.
Express interest in the child’s
shared y o u r snack with your
sister”; “I like the way you’re activities. Children m utually try
able to think o f oth ers”; arid ■ to involve adults in w hat they
“T hank you fo r telling th e tru th are doing, and the ad ü ltis often
ab o u t w hat really happened.” . annoyed at being bothered. Very
Sim ilarly, teachers can posi young children (and children
tively reinforce good behavior who aré em otíoñally deprived)
with statem ents like, “ I know it seem' to need m uch m ore adult
was difficult for you to wait involvement in their interests.
your tu rn , and I ’m pleased th at - A Child ab o u t to use a toy or
you could d d .it”; “T hanks for tool in a destructive way is
sitting in your seat quietly”; som etimes easily stopped by an
“You were thoughtful in offer ad u lt who expresses in terest in
ing to help Jo h n n y with his having it show n to him. An
spelling”; “You w orked hard on outburst, from an older child
th at project, and I adm ire your struggling with a difficult read
ing selection, can be prevented
effort.”
D eliberately ignore in appro by a caring ad u lt who moves
priate behavior th at can be to l h e a r the child to say, “ S how m e
erated . This d oesn’t mean that which w ords are giving you
you should ignore this child, trou b le.”
Be ready to show affection.
ju st the behavior. The “ ignor
ing” has to be planned an d con- Sometiiries all th at is needed for
sisterit. Even though this b'cha'v-; atjy angry child to regain con
io r m ay be tolerated, the child t r o l i s a sudden hug or other
m ust recognize th at it is inap i impulsive show of affection. Chil
dren with serious em otional pro
propriate.
’ Provide physical outlets an d blems, however, m ay have tro u
o th er alternatives. It is im por ble accepting affection.
i.
Ease tension through hum or.
Kidding the child out of a tem per
tan tru m or outburst, offers the
child an opportunity to “save
face.” However, it is im portant
to distin g u ish betw een face-
saving hum or and sarcasm or
teasing ridicule.
1 A ppeal directly to the child.
Tell him Or her how you feel
and ask for consideration. F or
exam ple, a p aren t or a teacher
m ay gain a child’s cooperation
by saying, “ I know th a t noise
you’re m aking doesn’t usually
b o th er me, but to d ay I’ve got a
headache, so could you find
so m e th in g else y o u ’d en jo y
doing?”
Explain situations. Help the
child u n derstand the cause of a
stressful situation. We often fail
to realize how easily young chiL
dren can begin to react properly
once they understand the cause
o f their frustration.
| Use physical restraint. Occa
sionally a child may lose control
sd Completely th at he has to be
physically restrained or removed
from the scene to prevent him
from hurling him self or others.
This m ay also “save face” for
the child. Physical restraint or
rem oval from the scene should
n o t be viewed by the child as
punishm ent but as a means of
saying, “You can ’t do th a t.” In
such situations, an adult cannot
afford to lose his or her tem per,
and Unfriendly rem arks
°th er
children should not be tolerated.
Encourage children to see their
strengths as well as their weak
nesses. Help them to see th a t
they can reach their goals,
g Use prom ises and rewards:
Prom ises Of future pleasure can
be used b oth to start and to stop
behavior.: This approach should
' not be com pared with bribery.
»
We m ust know w hat the .child
likes-what brings hirii pleasure-
and we m ust deliver on our
promises.
So “N o!” Lim its should be
clearly explained and enforced.
C hildren should be free to func
tion within those limits.
Tell the child that you accept
his or her angry feelings, but
offer other suggestions fo r ex
pressing them . Teach children
to put th eir angry feelings into
words, rather than fists.
Build a positive self-image.
Encourage children to see them
selves as valued and valuable
people.
Use punishm ent cautiously.
There is a fine line between pun
ishm ent that is hostile tow ard a
child and punishm ent th at is
educational.
Model ap propriate behavior.
Parents,and teachers should be
aware of the pow erful influence
of their actions on a child’s or
group’s behavior.
Teach children to express them
selves verbally. Talking helps a
child hatfe control and thus re
duces acting out behavior. En
courage the child to say, for
example, “ I d o n ’t like your tak
ing my pencil. I d o n ’t feel like
sharing just now .”
As one fourth grade teacher
p ut it; “One o f the m ost im por
ta n t goals we strive fo r as p ar
en ts, ed u c a to rs, an d m ental
health professionals is to help
children develop respect for them
selves and others,” While arriv
ing at this g o a l takes years of
patient practice, it is a vital p ro
cess in which parents, teachers^
and all caring adults can play a
crucial and exciting role. In
order to . accom plish this, we
must see children as w orthy
hum an beings and be sincere in
dealing with them.